Bill Cammack

Here’s ONE of those situations where women have their rap game seriously screwed up. … I mean *SRSLY*!!! hahahaha

How many women have you heard complain that a guy wants to have sex with them, or at least complain that he’s thinking about it?

I’m not talking about in a business situation. I’m talking about in dating situations. For instance, as far as online dating… How many times have you heard women complain about providing full-body pics to potential suitors? Guys they’re already kicking it to and interested in dating.

First of all… If you’re not physically attractive… Why are you trying to be slick? If you EVER go out with him IRL, he’s going to see what your body looks like anyway. This is one of the reasons a lot of chicks get dumped after their first date. They go to these extreme lengths to hide what they look like, thinking they can get over when the time comes on the strength of their online sales pitch.

Fellaz… Has this ever happened to YOU? HAHAHA The old “Bait & Switch”? You know… How chicks like to use mega-ancient pictures of themselves as if they still look that way? How about the good old “Crop The Picture As Close Around Your Eyes As Possible” trick? These are all grand tactics for the ladies to get virtual raps, but as soon as he actually sees you, the jig is up!

Second… Women who *ARE* actually physically attractive hide as well. The goal there is to avoid guys who “just want them for their bodies” or selected them “for their looks and not their minds” etc etc… This is all well and good if you’re looking for a debate partner. The fact of the matter is that if you’re reading dating advice, you’re probably trying to pair-bond. The only reason for PBing is sex. Notice how women tend to throw the word “just” in front of “friends” to make “just friends”? All that means is that they’re claiming that they’re not having sex with the guy in question. The barrier between being friends with a chick and being her significant other is sex. Everything else is available to everyone else. When the relationship ends, the “other” loses his significance and returns to GenPop. This is known as Serial Monogamy.

Since you’re dating with the goal of hooking up with a guy as a boyfriend or whatever, and the only delineation between friend and boyfriend is sex, it’s really in your best interest to be as attractive to potential suitors as you can, ASAP. This assists you in two MAJOR components of your rap game:

1) GETTING a man… and then
2) KEEPING a man

Except for guys that have particular fetishes, NOBODY is looking for unattractive women. Nobody. When was the last time you heard someone go “Man! She’s REEEEEEALLY BUSTED! I think I’ll go meet her! :D”? That’s right. Never. How many business owners go to lengths to make their storefronts look shabby in the hopes of getting more customers? None. So why are you hiding your looks or trying to make yourself look corny in pictures? Why not put your best foot forward? Will you end up with more creeps and trolls? Yes you will. You will ALSO end up with more viable suitors so you can get out of the game faster and not have to deal with any of this after you PB.

I understand that there’s an issue that women have where guys don’t pay attention to their minds AT ALL, and they’re trying to narrow the field down to guys that would talk to them anyway, IF they actually were busted. It’s like those experiments they do when they dress up attractive chicks in these sumo-wrestler-body outfits and take them to the mall and film it. The chicks find it amazing how invisible they are, because they totally didn’t believe that their physical attractiveness was what was getting them attention.

Meanwhile, MSM sells women products all day, every day, so they can get in shape and fix their hair properly and have makeup on and eat the right things and wear the right clothes for their body-type, etc. If your looks are so important to you that you spend money to maintain and enhance them, why play yourself down when it comes to meeting someone that you’re planning and HOPING to have sex with?

Then again, Maybe you’re NOT planning or hoping to have sex with someone you meet through online dating. The newsflash for you is that that’s called a FRIEND, and you don’t have to date to get those.

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I’m not impressed with Serial Monogamy.

Call it what it is. You’re messing with someone, and then you’re not.

It’s interesting how some people pride themselves on only hooking up with people they’re in a relationship with… but then… getting into or out of a relationship with them is basically instantaneous. Sure… EVERY relationship ends instantaneously…. It’s ON and then it’s OFF. I’m just saying that it’s a trip how serial monogamists front like every time they’re in a relationship, it’s going to last forever, and then it doesn’t, and then the next one’s supposed to last forever. Meanwhile, they have their psychological excuse for hoing (male or female).

I was first introduced to this concept when I was around 13. Not the technical definition, of course, but the behavior as it pertains to dating. I remember asking a friend of mine about some girl, and he basically informed me that they had broken up, and now he was dating this other chick we knew. That lasted about a week, and then he was dating another chick, but meanwhile other friends of ours had switched off as well. The effect of this was that at some point, ‘everyone’ dated ‘everyone’. What was interesting about this was that there weren’t any politics involved. Politics arrived later, around 16, when people started worrying about status and popularity.

By “no politics”, I mean that there wasn’t any drama involved with a guy, friend or foe, going out with a girl you just broke up with the other day. There wasn’t any drama when she’d break up with that guy and go BACK out with some guy she dated before, or start messing with some new guy. There wasn’t any possessiveness over chicks at all. It was just you were dating someone, or you weren’t.

Once politics became involved, there was a form of status attributed to exclusive ownership of a particular person. There was also a stigma attached to people that messed around, but weren’t in relationships. As usual, because we live in a patriarchal society, the females caught the worst of this, being called hoes, tramps, sluts, easy, etc. For the guys, it’s all sport. How many chicks (if you’re interested in more than one at a time) can you keep in ‘Deep Check’ simultaneously? How many numbers can you pull? How many chicks can you screw?

The addition of politics/drama to the dating scene created the environment in which serial monogamy thrives. From the chicks’ side, they don’t want the stigma of being “loose”… by either definition, hahaha, um, anyway… so they make being in a relationship a requirement for hooking up. This way, no matter how many guys they mess with, they were always in a relationship, so it’s sanctioned, and they can’t be criticized for giving some to their boyfriends (even if she was only with each guy for a month or less… week or less?… day or less?).

Meanwhile, the guys evolved with the girls. Eventually, it became clear that this relationship thing was getting in the way of getting on, so guys learned that it was easier to lie and feign being in a relationship with a chick or three in order to keep them useful. This is one reason why relationships break up suddenly, and it seems like the guy had a ‘change of heart’. He goes from faking being in a relationship with her to not caring about her at all, instantaneously. If his incentive was sex, then as soon as he’s not interested in having sex with her anymore, or he’d much rather hook up with one of his other girlfriends, his entire demeanor towards her changes.

The worst-case scenario of this is the combination of a guy that wants a one night stand with a girl that only wants to give it up to “the right guy” or “the one”. The woman thinks she’s an excellent judge of character, so as he jumps through the hoops, she validates him. Once she decides he’s legit and “the one”, she finally gives it up… then he disappears… or, at least stops taking her calls. This doesn’t even get to the stage of serial monogamy, because his entire goal was to hit it one time… Once. There’s no way she could have known that, because there’s no way he would have TOLD her that.

For some odd reason, women think they can judge this in guys. It’s completely unfounded. How many times have you heard a woman say that she was surprised that some dude hit it and quit it? Compare that to the number of times that you’ve heard of a woman telling a guy she knew he was just trying to have sex with her and he admitted it.

So now, we live in this evolved culture. People still want to do what they want to do, but they don’t want to be talked about like dogs, so they find ways around their behaviors. They utilize serial monogamy to act like they’re just poor judges of character and that their relationships continually FAIL, to their great surprise and dismay. Meanwhile, to them, “significant other” simply means the person that they publicly admit to having sex with at this point in time”. There’s nothing wrong with that, but since THEY see something wrong with it, they use these mechanisms to put up a front.

Another unbalanced aspect of serial monogamy is that women eventually face biological clock issues. The timing of this is critical, because if she’s currently dating a serial monogamist and decides she wants to have kids, there could be positive or negative consequences as a result of flipping the script. It’s entirely possible that the guy had no intentions EVER of having kids with her or moving in with her or even having sex with her once she got out of shape. Suddenly, he has the choice of honestly breaking off the relationship, as Laure suggests, or lying and acting like he’s interested in what she’s interested in so he can keep tappin’ that.

In a perfect world, he would ‘release her from her contract’ so she can go ‘get her biology on!’ … Then again… In a perfect world, people would Stop Frontin’ and do what they wanted to do without hiding behind meaningless titles in the first place.

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I’ve preempted the post I was writing about Serial Monogamy to make some comments based on Lindsey Chen’s excellent advice to chicks that overdo it about relationships.

Lindsey: What exactly defines a relationship?

A relationship is the illusion that you have some form of control over someone else’s God-given free will.

This is why chicks make such a big deal about it. It’s like a security blanket for them. SOMEBODY cares about them. SOMEBODY’S “never” going to leave them. SOMEBODY wants to have kids with buy pets with them.

This is why women tend to go berserk when they get dumped. It’s not so much that their relationship is over that bothers them. It’s more that they realize they didn’t have the guy in Deep Check the way they thought they did this whole time. Since the whole concept is ownership of another individual, it’s mentally devastating when someone chooses someone else or even prefers to be single rather than going out with her. It’s a blow against her self-perception and self-esteem.

When a woman attains a relationship, she feels that she is special because she has found someone to validate her as such. Similar to the stigma attached to women that have sex with “too many guys”, there’s a stigma to women being single, as if they “can’t find a man”. They feel embarrassed and put pressure on themselves to get into a relationship and pass that pressure on to the guys they date.

Unfortunately, it’s never enough. It’s never enough to date… They have to be called someone’s girlfriend. It’s never enough for her to be a girlfriend… They have to move in with the guy. It’s never enough to move in… They have to get engaged to him. It’s never enough to be engaged… They have to get married. It’s never enough to be married… They have to have kids…….

Meanwhile, they don’t check the boundaries with their guys ahead of time. They don’t check whether he’s looking to move in with a chick or have kids with her or get married. The problems in the relationship arise when she’s ready to escalate to the next level, and he never intended to.

Lindsey I know far too many girls who are dying to get in a relationship. And it gets a bit annoying that that’s all they talk about. Maybe if you didn’t act so crazy, annoying and obsessive, you would be in one.

True Dat! Guys AND Girls are both very often guilty of not looking in the mirror when looking to place the blame for relationship. It’s really ‘funny’ how people act like complete jerks and then think that someone’s going to want to Pair Bond with them.

Lindsey: Being a girl in a relationship really puts a different kind of perspective on other people’s relationships. I live by 3 simple rules: 1. Go with the flow aka do what makes you happy. 2. Don’t take anyone for granted 3. Be happy and nice to people.

Those are good rules. I find that making one’s self happy affords you to try to make others happy. The problem in a lot of relationships is that the participants aren’t happy to begin with and are looking for the other person to MAKE THEM happy rather than mutually bringing their own happiness to the table.

Lindsey: Here are some of my pet peeves that have been bugging me about people I encounter:

2. When girls worry so much about their outfit: The guy probably will not notice that outfit that you’re wearing. What he will notice is that you’re wearing too much makeup.

Guys won’t notice the outfit as much as they’ll notice whether she looked GOOD or not. This is often overlooked by chicks as they believe that something that looked cute in an advertisement will make THEM look cute by having it on their person. Unfortunately, you can easily look horrible while wrapped in a nice-looking item.

Similarly, chicks don’t understand that they can look good in sweatpants, flannel shirts, hoodies, t-shirts…. I hear complaints all the time from chicks that wonder why guys tried to rap to them when they were walking down the street looking disheveled. The point is that it’s not up to YOU when you look good. It’s up to HIM when you look good.

Anyway, it’s always a good idea to get a second opinion before walking out the door with that non-fitting gear that they didn’t have in your size or with too much makeup on… especially in those colors that should only be used on Circus Clowns.

Lindsey: 4. When girls think they’re God: That’s the only way to put it. Don’t go walking around the town thinking everyone owes you something. Be nice to doormen and delivery people - who knows, you may end up marrying them. You AREN’T better than everyone that you see. Be nice - it doesn’t hurt, right?

So True. So True.

It’s amazing how humble chicks become when they become has-beens. In a lot of cases, chicks want it both ways. They want the accolades and perks that come along with being physically attractive, but they don’t want to admit to themselves that the only reason they’re getting what they get IS BECAUSE they’re physically attractive.

As soon as their looks fail and their selection of suitors drops off to somewhere near ZERO, aaaaaaaaaaaalllllll of a sudden, they know how to speak when you hold the door for them. There’s this shellshocked look that they get sometimes. It’s like they can’t believe that it was true when people were telling them that the only reason guys were talking to them was because they wanted to have sex with them.

Lindsey: 6. And if you are in a relationship, have fun. Do what makes you happy - just go with the flow and don’t overanalyze it. That’s probably the worst thing you can do.

When it’s mutually beneficial, relationships are a fantastic thing. When two people bring positives to the table instead of trying to attain happiness at the expense of the other person, it’s Champagne Wishes & Caviar Dreams!

Unfortunately, too many people treat people they’re in relationships with as possessions of theirs. Now that they have someone calling them their girlfriend, they act differently towards the guy. They also act differently towards the friends they had BEFORE him and the friends they’ll still have when her relationship’s over and done with. It’s pathetic, but I understand it.

I just wait it out until the breakup so my friendship with the chick can go back to normal.

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