I know where I should be, but I’m not there. I know where I want to be. I want to be in several places at the same time. I want to stay here and be there. Focus. Attention divided. As of yesterday, she’s in Mexico… Mexico City, to be exact. I don’t want to be in Mexico, but I do.
I wasn’t invited to Mexico, hahaha I wasn’t even THINKING about Mexico until I received her communication last night. Now I can’t stop thinking about Mexico. I see buildings that I’m not sure are there. I don’t even know what Mexico City looks like. I keep imagining that Denzel Washington movie where he’s avenging the kidnapped little girl. I’m suspicious of the people on the street that I’ve never seen with my own eyes, but I know she can take care of herself. I’d expect to see THEM in the hospital before HER! 😀
Meanwhile, I attempt to minimize posessions. Physical posessions, not relationship posessions. The more stuff you have, the more you’re bogged down. The more stuff you have, the lower the percentage becomes of that stuff you actually use. Perceived Necessity needs to become Efficient Reality. The less stuff I have, the faster I can move. The faster I can move, the more places I can be practically at the same time. The less stuff I have, the fewer places for my keys to hide.
I’m not going to make it to Mexico….. Even if I did, she’d be gone by then. Even if I did, I have no way of contacting her where she is. I’d be rolling the dice, taking my chances that I’d walk down the right street at the right time, and she’d recognize me out of context instead of saying “That Mexican guy over there looks just like Bill”. If I had the time, money and desire, I’d do it… just to see what happens… just to walk down random streets wondering if fate, destiny, chance, luck or good fortune would place me where I want to be… Just to see her reaction [or lack thereof! hahaha]. Just to FEEL my own reaction… being there… instead of here.
“There” changes. Mexico City’s only good to me because she’s in it. That’s not really fair, because I don’t know anything about Mexico City, but the point is that when she leaves, she takes my fascination with her.