Bill Cammack

Sherry & Bill, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Sherry & Bill

Reader Helene writes (in response to Tip for the ladies: He doesn’t care!)

Let’s talk about this, from DatingGenius:

——
Yadda Yadda Yadda Blah Blah Blah EVERY.SINGLE.EFFIN’.DAY, some chick is confused about why a guy keeps trying to kick it to her. It’s very simple. He’s kicking it to you because HE.WANTS.TO.GET.WITH.YOU, *PERIOD*! He’s not interested in what you think about it. He’s not interested in what you have to say about it.
——-

I feel that. He doesn’t care if he wants sex. I’m going to look on DatingGenius to see if there is a guide on how to tell if a man wants sex or a relationship. I think the man that wants a relationship cares what the woman thinks, right?

There are a lot of interesting points here, Helene…. First of all, that post was written specifically to address the situation of women being clueless as to why a guy doesn’t stop kicking it to them when she indicates disinterest or even disgust. :D The fact of the matter is that he’s not approaching you to get your opinion on things or to discuss politics. He finds you physically attractive or there’s something else about you that he likes (you have money, good child-bearing hips, whatever…) that he’s approaching you for. What you think about it is of no consequence whatsoever. The bottom line is desire-fulfillment… HIS, not YOURS. :)

As an example, I was walking with a blabbermouth friend of mine the other week, and in the process of making a point to her, I mentioned that her homegirl was attractive. I wasn’t telling her that so she could go blab it to her girl like she BLABS everything else. I was trying to make a general point based on a specific situation my friend was privy to. Before I got to say what I really wanted to say, she goes “Oh… She wouldn’t hook up with you. You’re not her type.” :D Now…. First of all, I didn’t ask my friend what she thought about my ‘chances’ of hooking up with her girl. Second, all she knows about her girl’s “type” is what her girl is willing to TELL HER, so her idea of what her girl’s going to do and what she’s not going to do is completely irrelevant. Third, people are functions of combinations, meaning that how a chick reacts to me has *nothing* to do with how she reacts to anyone else on the planet, so until I kick my game and get on or not, speculation is worthless.

All these things ran through my mind in a split second, and I replied just about right when she finished speaking, “That doesn’t matter”. She looked at me surprised, and tried to protest, but I covered that up with another “That doesn’t matter”. We then went off on the tangent of how “what her girl wants” doesn’t factor in AT ALL to my initial attraction to her. Forget about the fact that she IS NOT her girl, so she has NO IDEA what her girl does behind closed doors. Even if she knew for sure that her girl didn’t like me for whatever reason, it’s of no consequence, because I’m talking about what motivates *ME*. I’m talking about what propels me to focus on HER and interact with HER instead of someone else.

This is why chicks would be better off if they recognized WHY a guy is talking to them in the first place. Without that knowledge, you’re grasping at straws when you try to figure out anything else about your relationship to that guy.

As another example, I was waiting for a bus with a crowd of people. This girl walks past at least eight other breathing, standing human beings to come up to me and ask me if I knew what time it was. I told her that I didn’t, and showed her that I don’t wear a watch, which I don’t, because I don’t *care* what time it is. :D The next thing that happened was…… She stayed right there and continued talking to me. Now… What happened to her desire to find out what time it was? *POOF* Gone, into thin air. Had she actually been interested in the time, she would have A) stopped at the FIRST person she saw to ask what time it was, and then made her way down the line, or B) if she DID walk all the way past them to ask me, she would have asked someone else right after I demonstrated the inability to tell her what time it was. She did neither, so the obvious inference is that she wanted to talk to me and used “Do you know what time it is” as the ice-breaker.

Now, let’s apply this to the club! :D When that guy buys you that drink, what do you think he’s trying to do? Do you think he thought you looked thirsty? Do you think he thought you looked *BROKE*, and he likes to hand out charity by buying drinks for destitute women? Did he buy any GUYS a drink? How about any UNATTRACTIVE WOMEN? ‘:) There are two reasons he’s offering to buy you a drink. He wants you to get more drunk than you already are, AND (drumroll) he’s trying to get on.

You can THINK whatever you want… He’s a nice guy. He’s generous. He respects you. He’s interested in what you have to say or what you think. He likes the same music you do… He doesn’t like the same music you do, he dresses poorly, he’s a creep, he can’t spell, he doesn’t pronounce consonants when he speaks, he’s a Cro-Mag……… NONE of that matters, pro or con. It matters as far as how tough or easy it is for him to get on, but your opinion of him is irrelevant and worthless when it comes to what he’s trying to do at that point.

As a matter of fact, a good rule of thumb is “If he didn’t ask you, he doesn’t care.”

Which brings us to your actual question, “Does the man who wants a relationship care what you think?”

The simple answer is YES, which is basically addressed in Only Date People Better Than YOU!. See the section on “Dummies”.

The guy who wants a relationship had better care what his woman thinks. However, first of all, he’d better care that she thinks AT ALL. There are lots of guys and gals running around this planet with ZERO common sense, or at least little enough common sense to land them on the Maury Povich show having paternity tests done on several guys. Considering that there are only about 10 days in a month when you can actually get a girl pregnant, and you can count backwards to the month she became pregnant, that means that every single guy she has on stage with her tapped it within a 10-day period. Considering some chicks’ in-da-club behaviors, if those 10 days spanned two weekends, we could expect four guys to be sitting on the stage, Friday Night (day 1), Saturday Night (day 2), Friday Night (day 8 ) and Saturday Night (day 9). Now, that’s bad enough, but if there are more than four guys on the stage…. smh.

This is why the guy who wants a relationship is hoping that his potential girlfrend/wife’s brain works at all. There’s *NOTHING* wrong with a chick getting her groove on as much as she wants to with whomever she wants to. :) However, if you’re going to be in a ‘committed’ relationship with her, you would like to believe that any kids that appear during that relationship are in fact… yours.

You also want to be able to take her places. When they have those couples get-togethers or business dinners, you want to be able to walk in with her on your arm and have people as impressed with her personality and mental faculties as with her looks. If you accept her without intelligence, you could be sabotaging your own career advancement while she talks some ignant ghetto ish to your COO. :/ Your girl is a reflection of YOU, so if you’re going for a relationship, aim as HIGH (mentally) as you possibly CAN! :D

Also, in a relationship situation, a guy needs to know what his girl thinks so he can strive to make HER happy while he makes HIMSELF happy. You would hope that’s a goal of his in hooking up with her long-term.

Having said that… Like I said above, if he doesn’t ask you, he doesn’t care. If he’s minding his business, like he loves to do, and watching the game or something, and you come in blabbing about gossip from the job, he might listen to you as a FAVOR to you or to make sure he can get on later this evening, but no, he doesn’t CARE about that. :D If he did, he would have said “How was work today, dear? Was that chick still gossiping?” This is a totally different issue, so I won’t get into it here, but basically, you should get a checklist of the things he actually CARES about so that if you want to talk to him about something and have him actually interested and ENGAGED in the conversation, you know the parameters. :)

How To Tell if he wants sex or a relationship? Well… First of all, it’s not *OR*. It’s *AND*. He either wants sex and for you to break north… or he wants sex and for you to stay around and hang out with him. The SEX part is a given, otherwise, similar to the girl that asked me for the time, he’d be kicking it with someone OTHER THAN YOU! :D

Think about it. The way relationships in the USA are set up, being BF/GF / Engaged / Married implies that you’re not having sex with anyone except your SO. Why in the world would someone attach themselves to someone they didn’t intend to have sex with? On top of that, lots of guys want to have kids. Sure they could go the test tube or adoption route, but MOST OF THE TIME, they’re going to want to have their kids the old fashioned way…
By mistake.

Anyway…

If it’s possible at all, I would say the way to tell that he wants a relationship is by how much he focuses on your PERSONALITY. How interested is he in getting to know YOU? What you’re about… What makes you tick… What makes you happy… What you don’t like… The intelligent guy is going to want to know A LOT about a chick he intends to make his S.O.

The problem with this personality-based theory is that, like Omar says, “It’s all in the game”. Guys already know what women are looking out for as cues that they’re interested in more than sex. Knowing the cues makes it easy to “Fake it ’till you make it”. :D

So… the best thing women can hope for is to meet guys through trusted friends that are willing to vouch for their character and keep your fingers crossed! :D

DatingGenius

Fam… Originals, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Lou Arevalo & Bill Cammack

Dina, Bill & Kathleen, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Dina Kaplan, Bill Cammack & Kathleen Grace

Bill, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Bill & Friends

Rudy, Bill, Bre, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Rudy Jahchan, Bill Cammack & Bre Pettis

Bill C. & Masako, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Bill Cammack & Masako

ok… So that’s a wack title. :D

I decided not to let figuring out a title bog me down during my productive time, which is the morning. I just wanted to make a note to document facts and give some propers where they’re due.

I’ve been virtually lampin’ with Liz Burr for quite some time now. I believe “lamping”, which I first heard from Public Enemy‘s Flavor Flav has its origins in the fact that in NYC, we have a lot of lamp-posts, so if you’re hanging out, especially at night, you’re very likely to be near one, which would make you “posted up” at the lamp, and therefore “lamping”. If you’re doing something A LOT or to an extreme point, the term “cold” is added, which would mean if you’re chillin’ HARD, you’re “cold lampin’”.

Anyway…..

So I’ve been virtually lampin’ with Liz Burr for quite a while, and more recently, Tyme White. These ladies are both hardcode internetters, which I thought *I* was until now. :D

Now, there’s tons of stuff for me to learn and find out about on the net, and lots of people to interact with remotely, so that’s why I stay connected. However, I don’t give a damn how it actually works. I don’t care why my iChat can connect to your AIM. I don’t care if my website “knows” your website. Actually, I didn’t even know that it COULD know your website. :/ As long as I can do what I WANT to do, fine.

So here comes Tyme… All in the business [like she loves to be ;)] talkin’ ’bout “Why is your media all over the place?”. I went to explain it to her, not ‘defend’ my reasoning, just tell her about it… and I realized that I didn’t have an answer to that question. With a little more introspection, I realized that my internet strategy was based on how I used to think and not how I currently think. I was using a shotgun approach of being everywhere and on everyone else’s blog, whilst having nothing to say on my own blog. :) That was fine with me, because I DIDN’T have anything to say on my own blog. It’s a cycle…..

Without viewers/readers, you’re tossing media into the air by posting it to the internet. You’re talking to nobody, or you’re talking to everybody or anybody. Putting something on your blog assumes other people are going to read it, unless it’s a collection for yourself, so you can go back and read about and watch the stuff you’ve been doing over the years. Some people blog that way, like putting their diaries online. Since that’s not interesting to me, I was rather cool with posting on other people’s sites and being a part of THEIR conversations with THEIR readers/viewers instead of posting things for MY viewers that don’t necessarily care what I have to say about somebody else.

Now, that’s all well and good until someone wants to know about Bill, BillCammack or Bill Cammack. What I was doing with *my* site was giving people the information I wanted them to have, instead of congregating information about myself and letting THEM choose what they wanted to check out. At the time, over a year ago, that made sense to me. Everything in its own compartment… However, I hadn’t reevaluated my own goals for internet positioning, even though I advise OTHER PEOPLE how to position themselves on the net. :D

Consolidation didn’t matter to me because I broadcast what I’m doing anyway on twitter, pownce, jaiku, facebook, rarely myspace, email, iChat, whatever every time I do something. This is because whomever happens to be “listening” to me right now can choose whether to click on the link or not. So if I twitter one site this morning and a different site this afternoon, it doesn’t matter, first of all because they’re turned into tinyurls in the first place, and second, a click is a click. I’m bringing my offsite posts even MORE off-site by masking them twice more. 1) tinyurl, 2) twitter, 3) offsite post.

I’m not going to go through the myriad points that Tyme made, but a major one for me was when she said that people are less likely to join some other site that requires membership in order to respond to your posts. I had had experience with that JUST THIS WEEK when I had posted something offsite to a group that just locked down their site so people have to have an account with them in order to post. My friend skyped me and informed me that she had something to say about my post, but she wasn’t going to join that site and give away her personal information just to comment. I was glad enough to chat with her about it over skype, but I see now how that’s a loss all the way around. I WIN because I get her reaction to my post, but everyone else loses, because nobody gets to hear it but me. Then I lose, because I don’t get anyone’s reaction to HER reaction. Then SHE loses, because nobody reads the brilliant things she has to say. Then I lose because I don’t get to respond in text to her text response…… So this big CASCADE is all because I posted to a walled garden instead of to a site which lets you input your name and other information right on that page and speak your piece.

Besides the excellent and relevant points, it became a drag for me to scoot around from site to site to find posts that I had made on different topics. So… In the vein of ReelSolid.TV‘s 3rd season, aptly entitled “Delusions of Grandeur”, this is now the Bill Cammack fansite! :D

That’s right. :D This is now my own fansite. All Bill, All the time. :D MuuuuHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

So if you want to know what Bill has to say today, (which I don’t know why you would, but DoG affords me the ability to not care at all one way or the other! :D) come on through. I’m still planning on my Final Cut Pro and Final Cut Studio screencast series, but other than that, I’m ditching the “show” format. You get what you get. It’s your fault for clicking on the bookmark! :D You might get “Bachelor Cooking Show”. You might get “Girlfriend Auditions”. You might get a birthday party in a quiet-ass bar.

You might get interviews. You might get bike riding. You might get a turtle on the floor.

Whatever you get, that’s what I had for you. :D Enjoy it! (or not, hahaha)

Getting back to the point…

Once I had the concept of doing things differently, I needed the implementation of that. This is where I learned the umpteenth lesson of this week. Remember how I mentioned that I don’t care how things work? Well Liz Burr and Tyme White care, and at first, I tried to keep up with and absorb their suggestions. Unfortunately, A) there were too many suggestions, and B) each suggestion was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to understanding how they came to that understanding in the first place. Very soon, I found myself spending more time googling ish than changing my site, so I dropped that and just did what they said to do and added what they said to add. Sure, I had to be happy with their layout suggestions, because it’s *my* site, and I’m the one that has to look at it and feel proud that it represents ME, but if it weren’t for them, on the technical/infrastructure side, my site would look exactly like it did last week, and I’d still be researching templates and fantasizing about what my new site is going to look like… eventually.

What I learned from this is WHY.PEOPLE.NEED.CONSULTANTS! Seriously.

Since I do everything myself, filming, music, “acting”, editing, color correction, compositing, compression, site design, uploading, blogging, tagging, advertising….. I never need consultants. Other people come to The Kid when they want their videos done in a quality fashion. This time, *I* was the one completely in the dark, and I’m fully aware of how NOWHERE I would be in this process if I didn’t have someone who already knew their way around and knew the WHYs and WHY NOTs about the infrastructure of building sites. Admittedly, it’s not a good feeling AT ALL to admit you can’t do something, even if the fact of the matter is that I’ve applied myself to learning other skills during the time they’ve applied themselves to what THEY know. It’s like the more they talk, the more you realize you’re actually standing in a deep hole, in the dark, when you thought you were at ground level in Times Square at lunchtime.

So, amongst many other things, that was my takeaway from this situation. As a consultant who doesn’t need consultants, I got a glimpse from the other side. I got to be the producer that sits behind me on the couch, wondering what’s going on on those multiple screens that keep changing and then somehow, magically, what you said you wanted happens on the television screen. I got to experience myself through experiencing Tyme & Liz doing their thing. It’ll help me choose what I do and don’t want to do as projects. It’ll help me understand who appreciates how much time they’re saving and how much better their productions are by calling in the pros….

Props to the ladies. Welcome to my new fansite… Let The GAMES Begin!!! :D

Anja, Grace, Noneck & Bill, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Anja, Grace, Noneck & Bill

Allan, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Allan & Friends

Bill & Rob, originally uploaded by Bill Cammack.

Bill & Rob Boudon