How To Break Up With Your Girl

OK Fellaz… Today, we’re going to talk about how to break up with your girlfriend or the chick you’re seeing or dating or whatever you’d like to call it.

Actually, let’s start with something easy. Here’s what a female needs to do if she wants to get rid of her boyfriend:

Stop having sex with him.

Now that we’ve covered that, πŸ˜€ let’s get on to the tough part, which is a guy getting his girlfriend to vamoose.

This is a very delicate process, assuming you still like her as a person and want to retain her as a friend. It’s even further complicated if you just happen to be a nice guy that doesn’t enjoy breaking hearts. You have to figure out how to extract her from the “romantic” aspect of the relationship WITHOUT her throwing out the friendship aspect along with it.

There’s a biological reason why chicks tend to overdo it when it comes to relationships. It’s not their fault. πŸ™‚ According to “Go Ask Alice”:

“Unlike men, who produce new sperm daily throughout most of their lifetime, women are born with all their eggs in one.. okay, two baskets (ovaries). To be more precise, a woman is born with about one to two million immature eggs, or follicles, in her ovaries.

Throughout her life, the vast majority of follicles will die through a process known as atresia. Atresia begins at birth and continues throughout the course of the woman’s reproductive life. When a woman reaches puberty and starts to menstruate, only about 400,000 follicles remain. With each menstrual cycle, a thousand follicles are lost and only one lucky little follicle will actually mature into an ovum (egg), which is released into the fallopian tube, kicking off ovulation. That means that of the one to two million follicles, only about 400 will ever mature.

Relatively little or no follicles remain at menopause, which usually begins when a woman is between 48-55 years of age. The remaining follicles are unlikely to mature and become viable eggs because of the hormonal changes that come along with menopause.”

So, basically, women are biologically inclined to be selective as far as whom they have sex with because they have a finite number of opportunities to have kids. When you add that to the pressure of patriarchal societies for women to only have sex with one guy or be “called out they name”, you can see why it’s so tough to get rid of a chick once she’s decided you’re “the one”.

So now, you’re in a situation where you don’t want to delete her entirely… just roll her back to a previous version of your relationship… You know, like going back to Tiger from Leopard.

First of all, to do this AT ALL, you have to know WHY your girl likes you. Most guys don’t know this, as evidenced by their paranoid behavior, trying (unsuccessfully) to keep tabs on their girl and keep her from giving some to the next man. There’s no reason to worry about your girl hanging out with other guys IF you’re offering her something unique that other guys aren’t. If you got the rap by talking about your car and your house, you may lose out to a guy that has a BOAT and a house, but that’s an entirely different issue.

So, assuming you have this list of great qualities that you have that made her choose you instead of the other guys that were trying to get on, use that list to figure out which qualities you need to subtract from your personality in order to get her to start seeing you as NOT “the one” and shift her romantic focus to some other guy or several other guys. πŸ˜€

Once you’ve got it figured out, change your personality and hold the line. There’s no telling how long this is going to take, so you may have to remain “in character” for months. Eventually, she’ll question her own judgement about selecting YOU as “the one”, and then the questions start… “Where is this relationship going?” “What are we to each other?” “What are we doing?” blah blah blah Just remain friendly towards her and blase about your “relationship” and eventually, the understanding that YOU are not “the one” will solidify for her, and she’ll be ready and willing to break up with you. [insert dancing smiley]

Now, of course the chicks are going to complain that this is underhanded and sneaky and cowardly. πŸ™‚ In reality, it’s in THEIR best interest. This way, THEY get to break up with YOU and give themselves the props for ejecting from a situation that THEY figured out wasn’t working FOR THEM. Meanwhile, you know the truth, and everybody’s happy! πŸ˜€

Just don’t lull yourself to sleep while you’re waiting for her to dump you. When it happens, it’s going to be out of the blue. It’s going to be some time and place that you’re not ready for her to break up with you, so you need to be vigilant. It’s CRITICAL how you “handle” the breakup. If your demeanor is OH, THANK *GOD*!!! IT’S ABOUT TIME! πŸ˜€ then you did all this for nothing. πŸ˜€

When she lets you know what time it is, you want to be a combination of confused, dismayed and “lost”. Don’t overdo it, though. You don’t want her to change her mind! :O Let her know that you understand why she has to do what she has to do and that you still love and care about her “as a friend”. Make sure everything’s smooth between you, and you’ve successfully rolled her back. πŸ˜€ You’re still friends and everyone’s happy. πŸ™‚

YOUR job isn’t over, though… It takes chicks a while to get over relationships, so be a gentleman and don’t sport your new chick in public until you’re sure your ex is cool with it. πŸ˜‰

DatingGenius

87 thoughts on “How To Break Up With Your Girl”

  1. Very astute and clever. Lots of good ideas here. And you backed it up with good scientific numbers.

    “But don’t overdo it – don’t want her to change her mind.” Oh yes, mind your Shakespearian skillz.

  2. *Tyme is taking notes in case she needs this one day. A girl can do this too! :)*

    I agree that most people do not have an accurate assessment on why someone is “into” them. Taking that away would definitely lead to the other person wanting to break up – or worse I guess, try to change the guy back to being who he was.

    I don’t see it as underhanded. Some people (because men do this too) don’t understand the words, “I don’t want you anymore” and cling.

  3. Why are trying to twist it around like getting a chick to break up with you first is in her best interest?? You were right the first time, it is sneaky, COWARDLY, and it hurts! This female is a human being that deserves RESPECT. The least you could do is be man enough to be up front with what you want instead treating her like crap for the last few months. I encourage “men” everywhere to grow some real balls!

    1. that is true that it is cowardly but it is to painful for you to just go im leaving you and then you cant be freinds

      1. Thanks for the comment, Michael. πŸ™‚

        That’s exactly the point. If you’re gonna break up with her anyway, do it in a way that’s the least emotionally painful to her and leaves her in the best position to want to remain friends with you after the fact.

        Women say they want respect, however, when that respect entails telling them straight up what the real deal is, then men are accused of being cruel. hahaha Y’all have to make up your minds. It’s either the soft landing of making you believe it’s your idea or the cold, hard facts of “it’s over”. Choose one.

  4. Laure, Thanks for the comment.

    Perhaps I didn’t expand enough on my point about getting her to do the breakup.

    Assuming it’s done correctly, you won’t even know it was done to you. The reason I say it’s in your best interest is that there are only two scenarios available:

    1) You break up with him and feel superior that you dumped him.

    2) He breaks up with you, and your self-esteem plummets.

    Either way, your relationship’s over. As much as chicks complain about guys suddenly dumping them with no explanation of why, and then like two days later, they have a new girlfriend, I would think that making HER think it was HER idea for the relationship to end would be an easier letdown for her, since she’s about to be single again, one way or the other.

    In a perfect world, whether it’s the guy or girl that’s done with the relationship, that person would say “I’m not feelin’ ya anymore”, and the other person would accept that and move on with their lives. Unfortunately, that undermines the entire concept of “a relationship”, because it’s so easily and immediately dissolved.

    Also, this tactic’s more Profesh. πŸ™‚ You have to know what you’re doing to pull this off lovely, and most guys don’t know enough about their women’s mentalities to let them down easy in the first place, so, in general, you may be absolutely right…

    that Honesty is the best Policy! πŸ˜€

  5. MAN IM SURE GALD I GOOGLED THIS…=)
    NOW I KNO JUST WAT TO DO…THAZ…LOTS
    I CARE AND I DONT WANT TO LOST HER FRIENDSHIP…L0L….

    I JUST WISH THIS WOULD BE A FASTER PROSES

  6. Hey Irvin. You’re welcome, hahaha! πŸ˜€

    Yeah, it’s tough, rolling a chick back to a previous version without having her get upset at you for “failing” to be “The One”. However, if it’s like you said, and you still want to be friends with her after the fact, ya gotta DO what ya gotta DO! πŸ˜€

  7. I ditto what Laure said, and it’s called being Ò€œmature.Ò€ If a guy knows he has no feeling for a girl anymore…just end it.

    Her family/friends will rally around her and give her the genuine love and support she needs to get past it and solidify that he was not the best option.

    It’s not ok to be dishonest…I haven’t know one woman who’s been dumped that hasn’t moved on, even in the worse situation.

  8. Hey Lukeither. Thanks for the comment. πŸ™‚

    Actually, “Being Mature” is doing what you want to do when you want to do it and living with or dealing with the consequences. If someone chooses to make his woman eject him in the best interest of the future of their relationship, that’s as “mature” as any other exit strategy.

    Also, the reason why your “let her family and friends console her” plan doesn’t help in this situation at all is that the guy is STILL vilified for leaving her. The whole point is not to fall in that hatred zone that occurs right after she was so in love with you and remain friends with her indefinitely.

    On top of that, look at the words you chose. πŸ™‚ ” solidify that he was not the best option”. This is STILL a loss for the guy.

    As far as “moving on”, we don’t WANT her to “move on”. We want her to GET OVER IT. There’s a difference. If this were the basic situation of “I’m done with her so let her go do whatever the hell she wants for the rest of her life”, sure… tell her it’s over and let her be upset, because you’re not going to be around to hear it anyway.

    Having said all that, in general, I agree with you that being up front about things is the nicest way to be. However, if that’s not going to get you where you need to go, you need to apply some social lubricant.

  9. Lol, but Bill, I’ve had this happen to me in May where he became harder to reach and when I did reach him I could still feel the disconnect. I see now that this is the way guys break up with you (lol, how sad). In my case it did not make me want to break up with him, it made me want to find out what the hell was going on and maybe help him fix it!! It angered me that he wasn’t communicating with me so i kept trying to communicate with him. Of course I finally started getting the message and he finally told me deal (broke up with me in a text message lol, how sad) but I still felt like I was being taken along for a roller-coaster ride and I normally love roller-coasters but this one made me sick! I still say it would have been less painful for me if he was to come right out with it…and not thru a text message either.

  10. Hey Laure. πŸ™‚

    I’m sorry that happened to you. People SUCK, in general, and that guy was lame to go the text message route, for sure! πŸ˜€

    Communication is the actual key. It’s not something that people test for before becoming involved with someone. What you’re describing sounds like a BASIC cop-out by someone that isn’t willing to commmunicate with his woman. Lame. That’s not what I’m talking about, here.

    What I’m talking about is getting past the BACKLASH that occurs right after you break up with a chick, where she circles the wagons and becomes negative towards you in order to get past believing that you were “The One” and she was going to be with you until she died. If you still like a gal, but you’re not interested in being exclusive with her anymore, tactics may be necessary to keep her as a friend after the romantic part’s done between you.

    It’s tough, attempting to articulate tactics dealing with “affairs of the heart” in text, but I’m totally not talking about situations where guys are done with chicks and don’t give a damn whether they ever see them again in life. πŸ™‚ I’m talking about when you want to roll her back, but not lose her. You want her to know that she’s still special to you, but you aren’t interested in being exclusive with her.

    It’s a ‘sticky wicket’, for sure, but handled properly, you can maintain a friendship with her through her pending new relationship, kids and whatever else she goes through in life.

    But, yeah… If a guy’s just DONE with a chick, let her know and step to the left. πŸ˜€

  11. Lol, at the text-message breakup. It was a long-distance relationship so I guess breaking up with me over the phone would have been equivalent to doing it person! Lol, Bill i know I’m being hard-headed but my situation was the situation you were talking about where he still actually wanted to be friends (he still tries to make little small talk which I’m no longer interested in), he just doesn’t want a relationship right now. All I’m saying is EITHER WAY, acting like a jerk to get her to “fall-back” is not the way to do it. Regardless if he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment but still wants to be friends or if he is just totally done with a chick and doesn’t care what she does with her life, he should be straight up. I’m just not one for the run-around.

  12. @Laure: Just because he WANTED to remain friends with you doesn’t mean he was smart enough to know how to do it! πŸ˜€

    Text message? hahaha The only way it could have been more IMPERSONAL is if he had told you to go to the telegraph office and wait for the clerk to decipher his long and short taps. Lame.

    Wouldn’t a text message have gone to your… PHONE? πŸ™‚ He could have dialed your number faster than he could have typed out a “Dear John” letter… can women GET “Dear John” letters?… anyway…

    Maybe you’re right… Maybe you’re right and I’m wrong. πŸ™‚ Maybe the way to go is to just tell a chick straight “Look… I’m kind of tired of tapping that, so let’s not have any more sex, ok? I want us to be friends, but I’m just not tryinna get on you like not even one more time in this lifetime. Good Lookin’ Out on all those positions you did for me. Hey… I don’t want to leave you hanging… My friend Ned hasn’t gotten some in a while, and I’m sure he’d be willing to hook up with you.”

    How do you think THAT would go over? πŸ˜€

  13. Lol, I agree…very lame! He’s still young and dumb, he had turned 21 and I turned 22. But you know what I meant by over the phone…him actually calling me. Him having to hear my voice and me hearing his and I’m like an interrogator, I ask a million and one questions, I would NOT have made it easy lol.

    Lol and you know your last bit was totally extreme!! A simple, “I don’t think it’s going to work out anymore” would suffice. I also like(not really, I’m being sarcastic) the way you made that hypothetical relationship seem like it was all about sex but that’s on a different tangent!

  14. ok, well, πŸ™‚ I don’t know what movies you’ve been watching… probably ones starring Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy, but I’m not aware of any so-called “serious” relationships that ended by one person saying “hmm. I’m just not feeling you. Peace.” πŸ˜€ hahaha If you could end a relationship that easily, how serious was it to begin with?

    Also, hahaha the relationship itself isn’t “all about sex”, however, it’s defined by sex. That’s why I gave that as an example. All you’re doing by breaking up with a chick is demoting her from being the only gal you’re having sex with.

    The relationship itself is about all the good things that friendship brings to a couple, and then the sex on top of it. So.. breaking up means you revert to friendship at best and not knowing each other at all at worst.

    I guess that’s the point of this entire tactic. How to get her to be cool with the fact that she no longer has exclusive physical rights to you.

  15. Ok well, all I’m saying is that he was using the tactic you suggested and it did not work. It just made him look like a straight-up dick. Then when he finally let me know the deal in the text message, it made him look like a dick with no balls. I didn’t look at his behavior and think “gee my fault, he’s really not the one”. The way he was acting was totally out of character so I knew something was wrong with HIM not me or my judgement. In any case, we’ll just agree to disagree.

  16. @Laure: We’re actually NOT disagreeing, haha…

    You bring up an excellent point, but first, I’d like to say… I’ve never heard those two common American colloquialisms used together and to such comedic effect! πŸ˜€ kudos! “A dick… with no balls!” Fantastic! πŸ˜€

    To explain to the uninitiated, if someone’s “a dick”, it’s an American reference to male genitalia, but it’s also used to mean that the person is a jerk or a creep. At the same time, to say someone has “no balls”, it’s another reference to male genitalia, except it means that they’re cowardly or “spineless”. (of course, “no balls” could also be effectively calling a guy “a girl”, which is also a common American insult, well, world-wide, really, but we’ll get into that on some other post πŸ™‚ )

    Anyway, to call someone “A dick with no balls” is really fantastic, because it’s like you’re a JERK, but just don’t DARE to be the JERK that you truly are, because you can’t stomach the consequences, hahaha Brilliant! πŸ˜€

    Now, here’s why I’m saying we don’t disagree. Of course, I could be wrong about that haha…

    What I left out is that this tactic… Well… ANY tactic that I suggests only works if a) You’re a good actor, and b) You’re smarter than your girl in the first place. If you’re not a good actor, you can’t pull it off, and if you’re not smarter than her, you can’t sustain your ruse.

    This is another reason women become confused, and I need to make an individual post about the fact that not all guys need to try to do fancy stuff like this. Some things should be left to the pros, and some guys should just be straight up and honest with their girls, because they don’t posess the brain processing power to get over and “stay over”, as it were.

    Then again, that’s why my posts get hits every single day. Guys want to break up with their girls, but can’t “figure out how to”. The fact of the matter is that breaking up is instantaneous, so you don’t NEED a technique to break up with her. Tell her you’re done. Stop taking her calls. Move somewhere else. Get a new girl and sport her out on the town. There are tons of ways to straight up DUMP a chick (or a guy, for the ladies), but, as you point out, there are a lot of guys looking for sneaky ways to do it instead of dealing with the issue directly.

  17. Of course, what do you do if you live with your girl, she absolutly has nowhere to go, and you were her first boyfriend/etc.?

  18. Hey Matt. πŸ™‚

    That’s an EXCELLENT question….

    The way I see it, it all depends on whether she’s still your homegirl or not. If you still care about her as a person, but don’t want to “be with her” like that anymore, you might just have to eat this one.

    You might have to tell her straight that you’ve had a change of heart about your relationship, but that you’re willing to let her stay with you as long as it takes for her to “get on her feet”. The obvious problem is “What if she NEVER gets on her feet?”. She might also drag her feet in leaving if she still wants to be with you.

    Unfortunately, sometimes people get stuck with situations and people. “Nowhere to go” could imply that she doesn’t have any apartments lined up… OR… it could mean that she doesn’t have income at all. If you’re carrying her financially, that’s gonna make it like twelve times worse. That would be like kicking your own kid out of the house so she could go live in a homeless shelter, assuming they have those where you live.

    VERY tough situation, dude. But like I said… If she’s still your girl, let her know you’re done with your relationship but not your friendship and that you don’t want to see her on the street.

    HOPEFULLY, she’ll take that well and y’all can live relatively comfortably until you can find a good way to get her situated somewhere else. If not, you’re gonna have a BIG problem from the very second that you tell her “it’s over”.

    Good Luck!

  19. Dear, Bill Cammack
    This πŸ™‚ is a πŸ™‚ very:) πŸ™‚ clever way to do so πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I take it upon myself to let you know… you use a lot of smileys, A Lot. It is easier to read without them but either way your blog here was rather helpful to me thanks again.

    Sincerely, Anon.

    PS:… πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ lulz

    1. hahaha Yes, “Anonymous”, This is true! πŸ˜€

      Unfortunately, the text medium doesn’t allow us to judge much context and absolutely zero facial expressions or emotions when we read people’s blogs.

      The way I write, and the things I write about, it’s *ESSENTIAL* to at least ATTEMPT to express to people where I find something humorous, whether it’s the topic itself that I find funny, or what I said about the topic. Yes. I often “crack myself up”, which is one of the reasons I enjoy writing this stuff. πŸ˜€

      The reason it’s essential is that without context, people confuse themselves as to what I’m saying and how I’m saying it. Like if I say “If your girl brings you home and her moms is hawter, dump her and kick it with the moms”, see how that looks like a legitimate instruction? With the smiley inserted, at least it seems like a joke. After that, I can follow the “joke” with “… hehe just kidding… if her moms is hawter, KEEP your girl.. and kick it to her moms behind her back”.

      See, I would need a smiley after “back”, because I think it’s so funny and I want to express to people in print how much I amuse myself. πŸ˜€

      During the “Live Show”, how I feel about something is obvious, because you can tell by other cues that I’m saying something’s ridiculous or stupid or funny or whatever. I suppose I’ll say that I suffer in the text medium and should actually move forward into video ASAP. Actually, that would help the situation, because the video would have the actual emotion and I could leave the text as smiley-free as possible, as it would merely be a transcription.

      Thanks for the comment! πŸ˜€

  20. im 14 and i have recently hooked up with a girl. i just realized that this was a mistake because i have quickly lost interest in her. i want to break up with her, but i dont want to hurt her because she is such a nice caring person. i wish it was easy, but she is soo obsessed with me and i think she will take it really bad. shes the type of person who never looks at an x-boyfreind ever again. i need some help on how to breakup with her, but im too nervous to do it in person. i tried to text her, but i ended up slamming my phone before the message was sent. im a nervous wreck and i could use some advice. i hate being in this position.

    1. Hey Confused. Thanks for the comment. πŸ™‚

      Let me not jump to conclusions and assume this chick’s your age. If you’re talking about your JHS teacher, just dump her. She’s an adult. She’ll get over it.

      Do *NOT* break up with her remotely. No text messages. No emails. Forget about that if you’re serious about not hurting her feelings. Doing that is very easy on YOU and very hard on HER. Since you’re the one that wants out, I think you owe her that much to tell her face-to-face so she can vent and cry or whatever she’s going to do.. IF you tell her at all.

      If you have enough time, you can “stall” her out of the relationship. See her as little as possible. Don’t do all the little nice things you normally do for her. If you keep this up long enough, she’ll start believing you’re not “the one” and she’ll start backing out of the relationship on her own. If you can wait her out, she’ll break up with *you*, and then all you have to do is act hurt about it when she does it.

      I played this tactic one time and when it finally worked, I felt like “OH, THANK GOD!!!” and it showed. She almost got hip to the entire scheme, because instead of being dismayed that the “relationship” was over, I was practically smiling… or maybe I WAS smiling. I’m not sure, because I was already thinking about what I was going to be doing right after she was out of sight. So make sure you look dismayed and maybe a little confused. Do the same look like when your teacher just handed you your report card with a bunch of Ds and Fs on it, and you don’t know HOW you’re going to show this to your parents… or how you’re going to HIDE it from them!

      If you don’t have a long time to let her down easy, tell her straight to her face that you still like her as a person and care about her, but you’re not feeling the relationship between y’all at this point. It’s REALLY IMPORTANT that you make it clear to her that you’re still her friend and you still want to see her or talk to her or whatever. Too many guys just completely turn off to chicks when they’re “done with them”, and it’s really upsetting to them when someone who was previously their entire life disappears into thin air, never to be heard from again.

      Essentially, since you’re the one that wants out, you’re gonna have to carry some of the weight in this situation if you want her to feel good about herself and still be your friend after the fact.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

  21. When it comes to how you break up with a girl – over the phone, in person, or in writing – I’m not sure there’s any best way to go about it. you are still telling her that you don’t want to be with her exclusively. no one wants to be rejected, even if it’s for the right reasons.

    I’ve only had two relationships, and neither break-up resulted in the girl wanting to be my friend afterwards, despite how i tried to explain the situation. It’s hard for me because my ex and i both go to a weekly board game. I invited her into the game months ago. After the breakup,she still wanted to come to the game and I encouraged her. she’s treated me coldly at the game ever since. It’s become awkward when she invited one of her girl friends to join the game and her friend gives me a warmer reception. What do you think I should do? I still like the game, but the thought of quitting has crossed my mind. how should I approach the situation in a way that everybody still wins, if they can?

    1. Hey Mike. Thanks for the Comment. πŸ™‚

      In considering potential “moves” for you at this point, I had to consider my own history for reference. Just last night, I was texted by my ex from college and we enjoyed lighthearted banter while she was on a boring bus ride. I was glad to be able to do that for her, and I’m also glad that we’re still friends.

      When I thought about it, I realized that there’s another common factor for me, personally, as far as relationships go, which that I wasn’t factoring into the exit strategy. That factor is my entrance “strategy”.

      Basically, I’ve always had lots of girlfriends, so I’m never inclined to select one of them to spend more time with unless she’s extraordinary. Gals have always known this about me, because unless it’s an issue of discretion, I don’t tend to hide females. I don’t separate my chick-time from my friend-time. Both situations overlap unless I need to keep her off the grid or she needs to keep ME off the grid.

      The reason I mention this to you is that in considering your situation, I realize that it’s a lot easier for me to successfully revert to being friends with women because, as funny as this sounds… “They knew I didn’t want them exclusively in the first place”.

      Every time I’ve gotten into a relationship, it’s been because I spend a lot of time with a chick and eventually decide I want to formalize the regularity of our hangouts. Actually, now that I mention it, that’s a rather romantic way to get things started! “Ahem… I’d like to formalize the regularity of our hangouts.”, hehe but I digress…

      This is completely (and unintentionally, yet naturally, for me) a different approach than starting a relationship with a woman as if you want it to go somewhere. Women ALWAYS want your relationship to go somewhere, because they get emotionally attached to physical interaction. The issue is exacerbated by the guy saying he’s trying to get married and have kids and two-car garages and picket fences, himself. Once women get in this situation, they start seeing themselves with this guy for the long run. They start believing in the dream of being married to him… having kids with him… The whole nine.

      Once you “let” a chick head down this path, she’s not going to want to deviate from her life’s pre-planning, so as you mention, regardless of how you tell her, the bottom line is that you’re bailing out from that dream of being together ad infinitum and you’re rejecting being exclusive with her. She’s not going to take this well, especially if she was very comfortable being out of the game and knows she has to jump back into the dating scene if she’s ever going to progress to the same level with the next man that she made it to with you.

      She also might resent the fact that she selected you over someone else or several other suitors and she’s kicking herself while she’s thinking she might have “made it” with some other guy instead of “wasting time” with you. There’s a lot of stuff to this.

      You also made the mistake of involving her in something that’s a fixture in your life. I mean, it’s not a “mistake” until you break up with her and then have to still see her “on the scene”. That’s material for a completely different blog post.

      As far as your particular dilemma, it seems that she’s still sour about not being with you. The win here is to get her to feel GOOD about not being with you. The way you do this is to GET. HER. A. NEW. BOYFRIEND!

      Do what you have to do. I don’t care where you find this guy. I don’t care if you have to pay this guy. Do whatever’s necessary to get her to transfer her interest to some other guy. Do this sooner rather than later.

      You’re gonna have to take one for the team. Invite her out to group events where you know guys are going to be and introduce her to EVERYBODY (again, try to avoid places you intend to frequent in the future, this time). Introduce her to guys via Social Media. STAY on the lookout at the supermarket, at the gym, wherever.

      Sooner or later, you’ll hit the jackpot and she’ll like some guy and pretty much forget about you entirely, as far as thinking about being with you romantically. This will enable her to be friendly towards you instead of sour that YOU’RE THE REASON why she doesn’t have anyone in her life.

      The added bonus here is that after the next guy breaks up with her, she’ll hate HIM and her friendship with YOU will remain intact. In fact, your friendship will probably be stronger because you actually remained her friend after you weren’t tappin’ that anymore, whereas most guys are never heard from again, since they only interact with women they’re having sex with.

      No. I’m not kidding.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

  22. hi

    similar trapped situation. (im 22)

    i got steady with this girl for almost 2 weeks now, knows her for 3 months, she is really falling for me, but i dont think i can be chained to this girl yet. i want to get rid of her but in the most subtle way without hurting anyone’s feelings (including her mom, who seem to be fond of me) damn.. im not a playboy but honestly at 22, she is my first girlfrend and all the single life (ive been dating with girls, but this is the first relationship) ive been living for the 22 years of my life seems so used to it, that now i feel so confused about what to do.

    friend said that this may just be a shock, and that i will get used to it once i hit the 1 month anniversary. yea right!!

    please enlighten me bill, so confused man.

    i have a few plans:
    1) tell her that im going overseas for quite sometime
    2) tell her that im homosexual.
    3) tell her that im bisexual? (lols)
    4) tell her that im busy with work and no time YET for a relationship

    all would hurt her, AND HER MOM, but man, if i dont do this, i cannot sleep myself. πŸ™

    thanks!

    1. Hey, AC. Thanks for the question. πŸ™‚

      ok… First of all… How are you going to be going out with a chick for only TWO. WEEKS. and you already met her moms?!?!?! πŸ˜€ oh man!

      As far as that single-life thing, don’t be so sure you’re going to grow out of that. Unfortunately, a lot of dating is on-the-job training. You don’t find out things about yourself until you’re in that situation. When you learn things like that, you sometimes have to change gears and switch directions, which is upsetting to the chick, however it’s your own honest reality, and you can’t interact with her authentically without it.

      Having said that, there are also a lot of false-positives, meaning something that feels like “I need to dump this chick TO-DAY” that ends up going away after a while (and maybe coming back over and over, haha). See, the same lack of experience in certain aspects of relationships that makes you feel like you don’t want to be in it also makes you misunderstand your “feelings” or thoughts off the bat. So the first step is taking some time to REALLY think about your situation and see if it’s naturally working for you.

      Also, you don’t have to be a playboy or a player to be feelin’ the single life. Relationships aren’t for everyone, though the media acts like they are. We all have different things that float our boats. It’s your job to find out what yours is and then find a chick that’s interested in what you’re looking to do.

      If this is a shock, it’s not going to be a matter of TIME that brings you out of it. It’s going to be your own introspection and figuring out what’s right for you. Also, you may or may not make the right decision. Either one is fine, as long as at the time, you felt like you were acting in your own best interest and hopefully hers, simultaneously.

      1) will not work unless you’re willing to disappear off the grid, ENTIRELY.
      2) will not work, because she’s going to try even harder to bag you if she thinks you’re not interested
      3) see #2
      4) will not work, because you’ve already taken time out of your schedule for her, so there’s no good reason that should change.

      See, part of the problem here is that giving an excuse is a copout. Some of the women who commented in this thread felt like I was advocating copping out by telling guys to get the girls to dump them. However, that’s because they don’t understand women. πŸ˜€

      The good part about your suggestions is that you’re willing to make an active move NOW, instead of waiting the LOOOOOONG time it’s going to take her to stop jocking you. I mean, you really messed up, letting her MOMS like you, she’ll NEEEEEVER quit you after something like that. She’ll stay with you like Rihanna. hehehe

      Anyway, since you’re willing to be proactive, I suggest that you go with the truth… Which IS… That you’re really feeling her and she’s a great girl as well as a great girl FOR YOU, except you’ve never done this before (being in a relationship) and you need some time to clear your mind and really think about what y’all are getting yourselves into.

      It’s straight to the point. You’re rejecting the relationship, you’re not rejecting her. Make sure she understands that you’re not DEMOTING her and she’s still your [best girlfriend, whatever you call her], just that this “relationship” stuff is messing with your head right now and you need to figure out what you really want. It’s only fair to the both of youse.

      If she can’t comprehend and absorb the fact that what you’re saying is really in both of your best interests, she might not be smart enough to be in a relationship with you ANYWAY, so this “time off” or however you phrase it might be a good way to reveal idiosyncrasies of hers that you don’t want to get stuck with down the line.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

  23. rubbish if you want a girl to follow you aroung fatal attraction style for the rest of your days then yeah break up way her like you sai d ,naaaa yer messing way there heeds man and thats not good ,tell the lassie straight its not working and why she mite be a bit hurt but long term this is the best policy loose her phone number and never speak again on ly in passing or say in the pub otherwise you are in for a hell of a lotta greif

    1. Thanks for the comment, Big G. πŸ™‚

      What you’re saying really depends on the gal. Granted, some chicks just WON’T break up with you regardless of what you do. In that case, you’re going to have to handle it directly, as you said.

      There are also situations where you have a really good rapport with each other (which you’re SUPPOSED to have when dating, but a lot of times isn’t the case), and letting her know that you’re just not interested in her like that anymore works perfectly fine, and you can continue to be friends without the romantic component of your relationship.

      However, just by what you said, you’re going against the point of this particular post:

      loose her phone number and never speak again on ly in passing or say in the pub

      See, if the goal had been to break up with your girl and never speak to her again, um… just do it. πŸ˜€

      This is for when you still think the chick’s cool as a person, but you’re just tired of messing with her or whatever reason you have for not wanting to be in an exclusive relationship with her anymore.

  24. I’m liking all the advice Bill but I’ve got a problem- I have decided I want to end my current relationship and work things out with my ex.
    I need to know how to end the current relationship very soon without hurting her.
    I live in New Zealand and she is from Europe. She doesn’t have many friends here and I feel kinda responsible for her as she extended her visa just to be with me even though she misses home.
    To make matters worse we have booked a month long holiday to her home country leaving in 4 weeks time. She is looking forward to me meeting her friends and family.
    How do I break up with her before we leave in 4 weeks time? I’m not 100% sure it is the right thing to do but know that I have to make the decision between her and my ex very soon or lose both.
    I shouldn’t even be asking this, as I know that I should just be up front and honest with her, but it is so hard when she is so good to me.
    I have considered taking the wuss route of ‘disappearing’ before the flight out and hope that she doesn’t return but I know that I would not be able to live with myself if I did that to her!
    Any advice?

    1. Thanks for the comment/question, Jonny. πŸ™‚

      As you’re already aware, this is an incredibly sticky wicket. I’m going to comment even though I’m way more comfortable analyzing past events than coaching people into future events. My inherent narcissism says one thing and trying to achieve a win-win for everyone involved in the situation says another. I’m not sure I can make the proper separation to give you good advice in this situation, because I tend to overcompensate on the side of “what’s right”, because I know I’m not naturally thinking about that.

      This is incredibly bad timing for you. If you knew you weren’t into her like that, you should have declined the invite to Europe. That move by itself would have made her question whether you were “the one” and would have started the breakup ball rolling.

      Interestingly enough, I don’t think there ALWAYS is a way to pull off a breakup without emotionally hurting the chick. If you’re going to ease your way out, it takes a long time.. perhaps more than a month. Even if you did, it’s not in your best interest to let her think for the next three weeks that you’re going with her to Europe, because she’s going to be even more let down.

      Really, the only play I see here is “It’s not you, it’s me”, and telling her as soon as possible that you’re not sure you want to go to Europe, with that migrating quickly into “I’m not going” and then into “I’m not sure about our relationship” and eventually “I don’t want us to be together”. I don’t know that the reason WHY is relevant (your wanting to get back with your ex). Either way, the sooner you plant the seed, the better, as far as not blindsiding her at the last minute, or even worse.. going with her on this trip to Europe so she can introduce you to her family and then get broken up with immediately upon y’all’s return.

      So, basically, parcel out as much honesty as you think she can handle, ASAP. Take as much of the blame for the ‘failure’ of the relationship on your shoulders as you can, because YOU’RE THE ONE that wants to end this and go back to a chick you already had in your grasp. Just know that the longer you let her believe that she’s taking “the one” to see her relatives in another country, the more she’s going to be hurt when you finally lower the boom.

      Good Luck.

  25. Thanks Bill, that is very good advice and I wish IÒ€ℒd asked you sooner. The only would be with trying to tell her that IÒ€ℒm unsure as to whether I want to go to Europe- I donÒ€ℒt think that would sound right as itÒ€ℒs the trip of a lifetime (parties in the summer, personal guided tour around Norway etc etc). Do you have any other suggestions for the opening move?

    As itÒ€ℒs only 4 weeks until we leave and my current work contract is ending soon, IÒ€ℒm thinking of telling her that I need some space on my own for a week or 2 as IÒ€ℒm feeling depressed. She may go with that as she knows I still have some issues in my head about missing my ex etc. I would then take off for a little holiday on my own a few hours drive away on the coast. That would then give me some space to work out in my head exactly what I want and then move onto the next step that you suggested. What do you think?

  26. Just as a side-note, I booked my flight to Europe to leave NZ 3 days after she leaves as I Ò€œwanted to earn some extra cash before my tripÒ€ ie: wasnÒ€ℒt sure if we were still going to be together so didnÒ€ℒt want to be on the same flight! (I have family and friends in London and a wedding to go to also).

    If this isnÒ€ℒt sorted in the meantime, maybe I could ring her up from a bar at Heathrow when I land and tell her I Ò€œmissedÒ€ the connecting flight to Norway because I got drunk and fell asleep? That would surely make her mad enough to dump me without being too distraught that I may have been Ò€œthe oneÒ€?

    1. Just saw these…

      Sometimes, it’s just too late to find a good way out of something.

      I watched a fight the other day that I intend to blog about sooner or later, where the guy that I wanted to win the fight broke his right hand on the other guy’s head. The other guy dropped to one knee, but he was still able to fight. The rest of the rounds, the guy with the broken hand had to throw elbow strikes and didn’t have any hand strength to complete wrestling holds against the other guy, so he ended up losing by decision.

      There wouldn’t have been anything I would have been able to tell him, were I a fight trainer, because I don’t think *ANYONE* practices for how they’re going to win a fight with a broken hand. The hand broke when it was too late to call off the fight, because the fight was already happening.

      Same thing with breaking up with someone. If you do it fast, it’s going to hurt them. If you do it gradually and carefully, you can ease your way out and leave them still feeling good about themselves, emotionally. Sometimes.. There’s not enough time to put “gradually and carefully” into effect, so you have to choose your own feelings or her feelings and either go through with what you told her you would or let her know it’s over and let the chips fall.

  27. Well, im only 14 years old, and this girl that goes to another school liked me. So i whent out with her. I only seen her like twice before, and tomorow we are going to hang out. The second day we were going out (today) she said she loves me!?!?! And everyone is telling me this chick is a freak, how do i break up with her, i dont care if its the most cowardly way possible! I just want out!!

    1. Hey Matt. πŸ™‚

      If you don’t care how you break up with her, keep it simple. Let her know however you choose, in person, over the phone, in a text message, whatever, “I’m Not Interested.” period.

      Regardless of what you do, she’s going to have a problem with it, so it’s in your best interest to start the breakup process ASAP so she can get over it ASAP.

      It might be a little strange between the two of you until she gets a new “boyfriend” and stops focusing on you, but that’ll happen soon enough and then you’ll be done with the situation.

    1. Good deal, Cameron. πŸ™‚

      It’s a drag that when you get into a relationship and then out of it, there’s normally an amount of emotional backlash to the situation, often on both sides of the field.

      People rarely decide at the same time that it should be “over”, so someone has to feel hurt about it, because they weren’t ready to stop.

      Thanks for the comment.

      1. ummm u can definitely tell this was written by a guy… I still agree with Laure’s first comment. I wouldnt feel “superior” breaking up with a boyfriend. and having a guy treat me like crap and pull away for the last few months doesnt seem like a good way to do it. Its cowardly. Just talk to her and say how you feel… and about the “still being friends” well, most of the time (Im not saying everytime) but most of the time, its not going to work. It will always be awkward and end up having a “friend” that you don’t talk to. (personal experience, several times). Also, its very difficult to be just friends when you have had an intimate relationship because you think differently of the person other than friendship or you wouldnt have been in a relationship to begin with. So, in reality, if u asked any girl about this, chances are, this way to break up would be a bad way.

        1. Hey Breegan. Thanks for the comments. πŸ˜€

          It’s not an issue of making women feel “superior”. It’s an issue of making them feel “ok” with the breakup, because it was Y’ALL’S IDEA! πŸ™‚

          The reason chicks sweat guys is because y’all convince yourselves that you’re in love with us. The trick to ‘rolling you back’ to being non-intimate friends is to get you to believe you’re NOT in love with us anymore. Anything other than that, and you’re ending a relationship that she still loves, and she’s going to feel hurt.

          Does this matter if you don’t want to be friends with her going forward? Hellz Naw. Who cares what she thinks? As you said, the guy’s never going to talk to the gal ever again in life after they break up if he feels that way about her. The goal in this post is to achieve both.. Roll her back to friendship but remain in contact with her. It’s like you still care about her and like her as a person, but you’re done with the exclusivity of your relationship.

          As far as asking a female how to deal with females, that’s *ALWAYS* a bad idea! πŸ˜‰

  28. Hay ive been dating this girl for almost 3 years ive slowly over time lost interest in her, ive recently broken up with her its been over 3 months and i saw her at a mates get together… all the feelings flushed back, we’ve been hanging out since but im afraid to get back with her incase i feel the same and have to go all through this break up again because i hate breaking hearts and girls crying is my kryptonite… had any experience with this? (not sure breaking up with an ex was the right thing to do)

    1. Actually, I do have experience with a version of what you’re talking about.

      Not that old “Running through the field of daisies in slow motion into your girlfriend’s arms once again and missing your flight back home, causing you to lose your JOB” kind of thing that YOU’RE talking about, haha..

      I tend to get bored. Fast. I don’t tend to spend too much time with the same chick. Therefore, once she starts boring me, I start naturally feeling like bailing out. However, you have to look at things like this and determine for yourself whether you’re following the right path for yourself.

      What I found is that I get disinterested and then interested again sometime in the future. It feels like what you’re describing.. “the feelings flushing back”, etc. It feels like “MAN! I’d love to spend some time with this chick!”, and then shortly down the line, it (usually) goes away again.

      In my case, I have to decide whether to follow that “bail out” feeling or hold the line until my interest in her comes back online. In your case, you have to determine how fruitful getting back with her is going to be for you.

      Then again, why not do best of both worlds? Don’t bother giving the relationship a name, just hang out with her and tap that whenever you want to. If it turns into something exclusive, good for y’all. If not.. Let the good times roll…

  29. wow, i cant believe i missed this one!!! Ok confused one and 2… Just Dump her! 1)at 14 years of age you’re to young to believe that this session is forever and that you will be friends even longer. A sure fire way to make her HATE you is to let her find out after the fact that you wasnt feeling her any more. “How long have you felt this way…” has led to more bad blood than any other argument! And if she is in your age bracket, you are playing with insecurities that are laying in wait for an opprtunity to come out. Do you want to be the one responsible for the next 15 yeras of depression this girl will endure?? DUMP HER! 2) 22 yrs and you dont know how to dump someone? Get ya phone, dial the number… Hey can we talk? I been feeling like this for a second but i didnt know how to approach you! BITCH ITS OVER! lol just kidding… Just let her know that you dont think theres much future in a relationship because you are not ready but that at this moment you really want to maintain a friendship with her. Tell her its obviously up to her regarding being friends blahblahblah… Let her walk away from you! Considering the dates on your(s) comments im sure im late to this rodeo and whatever was gonna happen has, especially if you took Bill C’s advise!!

    What the hell… the emotinal feelings or the “damn that was sum good azz” feelings? U need to clarify in order to proceed. U can love to phuck a chick and only like her as a buddy. Its ok, thats what the menz do! as for a crying chick being your kryptonite… U either heartless or you a man?? A man understands. A heartless dude gets back with someone because they are too worried about hurting the feelings/being the bad guy! It only leads to bigger water works when you act up and get out later!

    1. You cracked me up again with “Damn that was some good ass” feelings hahaha πŸ˜€

      Tell it like it is. The “feelings” aren’t rushing back.. It’s that you don’t have to be “with” a chick to want to tap that.

      haha We’re gonna get this audio podcast jumpin’ off in a minute! πŸ˜€

  30. I met a guy on the Internet and we finally met. From the day we met, we didn’t miss one day together for 3 weeks. We seemed to really like eachother. He did some really nice stuff like cooking for me, flowers, going for bike rides and playing with his dog. He kept saying “I really like you and that he wanted to wait before having sex because he wanted it to be special. He even told his friends this and they all told me I was a keeper. We laugh a lot and got along very good. We would kiss and fool around with clothes on. And there was definintley passion, I’m a scorpio and very sexual when I feel close to the person and we could both tell that It was going to be great. It was hard to control at times, but we both agreed we’d wait a little longer. He even told his freinds he wanted to wait because he wanted it to be special. well. two night ago, we agreed we thoght it was time. I stayed at his house and looked very sexy for him, not slutty. the sex was great, I mean i was not inhibited or nervous with him because I felt closer to him each day that went by. We both loved it and it was just the best sex I think he ever had. I made him nuts. I have never had a one night stand and only slept with men that I cared about a lot. well, the next morning , we went at it again. That was also great. When I noticed he was being a lot more quiet than usual and not as affectionate like before, I told him that i thought it would bring us closer. It was the opposite, no hugging or even a comment on how nice it was, He said he was just tired, but I was secong guessing myself as to was it the rht time. He would not communicate at all, saying he was tired. I just wanted a hug and for him to say something like “That wa amazing, because it was”. He was actually kinda grumpy. He has ignored me ever since, won’t talk, return calls, emails and even when l I told him how he was making feel, just kept saying he was tired. He knws this made me feel terrible and even knew I was crying and still won’t talk to me, Why? We got a long so great evryday. Do you think he played me. Don’t I deserve some kind of answer. Please help me fell better about this. I really like him and He treated me so nice. I feel so used and for not to even talk to me is making me cry. We got along so well. Help

    1. Hey Deb. Sorry you got caught up in this. First of all, you need to read “Why You Got Dumped After Sex” for the technical information.

      Second, “Waiting for sex, so it will be special” doesn’t mean THREE WEEKS! πŸ˜€

      Three weeks isn’t “waiting for sex”… Also, waiting for sex doesn’t automatically make it special. Also, having sex with someone doesn’t mean they automatically liked it or ever want to have sex with you again in life.

      From what you’ve written, it sounds like this is the guy’s regular MO. It all seems like basic game to me. Tell the girl she’s special, tell your friends she’s special in front of her, blah blah blah.. It’s all geared towards getting you to lay down. He got what he wanted and then decided to act however he wanted afterwards.

      I think you definiltely “deserve” an answer, but you might not GET one. A lot of times, the only reason guys are talking to girls AT ALL is because they want to have sex with them. When that desire to screw them disappears, either because they got what they wanted or just became disinterested, you never hear from him again. He doesn’t have any incentive to talk to you because a) he doesn’t want to hook up with you, and b) he’s not interested in how you feel about that… because he doesn’t want to hook up with you.

      You’re not alone. Lots of women don’t understand what prompts guys to talk to them, date them, get engaged to them, marry them… They think it’s some supernatural connection when he really likes tappin’ that AZZ. They think he likes them as a person, and he’s lampin’ in their fresh crib and playing Playstation all day while they go to work and get more money for him. With time and experience, you’ll become an actual critic… an actual judge of character.

      Unfortunately, women are too easily swayed by what guys SAY, when what we say has nothing to do with how we actually FEEL. Eventually, you’ll be able to tell when a guy is really into you as a person and is looking for a long-term relationship. I wouldn’t say you got “played”, because I’m sure he runs this game on lots of chicks. There’s no reason that you should have been able to defend against it, so there’s nothing for you to feel badly about.

      If I were you, I would definitely keep trying to speak to him in person, on the phone, by text or email, because you need to find actual closure for this situation so you can move on. Hopefully, you’ll get it. There are lots of women that aren’t so fortunate.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

    2. Im gonna go with the “what a wus” scenerio. maybe he did want to wait. maybe he did like you enough to make it special. maybe, maybe, maybe…
      What we need to find out is what happened between tapping that azz that night and gettin’ him sum mo’ that morning?? Was it as good for him as you say it was for you?? I have seen/heard girls talk about how wonderful an experience they had and how great the chemisty was ONLY to hear the guy say “it was aaight I guess”. I can tell you from experience how, years ago, I was with a chick i really did care for but the sex sucked! That shyt was gah-bege! Till this day she tells her friends how i was one of her top 2 experiences sexually and yet she doesnt break my top 200! Now being that i havent had 200, that tells what i think of it-SHE DONT MAKE THE CUT! Whatever, my point is that you now have to find out what happened between the first session and the morning thumping. You may find out that you were NOT amongst the best he had. You may find that he was indeed playing games. Or you may find out that you overall enthusiasm might have scared him. Sum dudes dont do too well with sexually liberated or aggressive woman! Just make sure that you are indeed built for this. make sure that you can handle the idea that the awesome sex as you knew it was cornier than a mofo’ to him. You have to be built to withstand that rejection and not curl up blaming yourself in the process.

      Bill C is right, waiting for sex doesnt make it special. In all that fooling around that was done, expectations might have out realitied reality.

      And yes i concur with the good Dr. Cammack, take two aspirin, a glass of some chilled wine, read “why you got dumped after sex” and holla back in the morning!

      1. You’re right that it’s an incredibly common occurrence for women to overvalue the sex they gave a guy. Without being his homeboy, you will never know.

        Even though your boys are inclined to exaggerate, so as to make themselves look more like heroes in the sack.. If the sex was AIITE :/ , they’re likely to tell you the sex was AIITE :/ …. “AIITE” translating to “Good enough to tap it again, but not good enough to bother calling this chick as opposed to any other chick that you know that’s down with the program.

        Unfortunately, other than that, you’re not going to know. LIke, the only reason a chick might find out that her sex was gah-bage would be if the dude REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY plans on never hittin’ that again ever in life, and decides to tell her the truth. If he has any intentions of keeping her on the back burner, just in case he goes through the rolodex and can’t get laid on some particular night, he’s gonna gas her head up like he really enjoyed himself, whether he actually did or not.

        On top of that, personally, I meet new chicks every single party I go to, which normally means I have fresh prospects every single week, if not twice or three times a week. Granted, spending every day together for three weeks is a lot of dedication to one chick, but three weeks doesn’t put you ahead of the chick from four weeks ago… and not ahead of the chick from two months ago… and not ahead of the chick from six months ago… and not ahead of the chicks from last year……..

        So.. Like I said.. Without hearing it from the dude himself, all of this is speculation. For all we know, you had gas while you were sleeping and he woke up like “AWW HELLLLLLZ NAW!!! πŸ™ “.

      2. Hey Frank,

        just out of curiosity: What exactly was it that made the sexual encounter with that chick who did not break your top 200 so boring for you?

        1. I dont know!! To put in lay mans terms, I busted a nut BUT i could just as easily been home watching TV. Like I said I did care for her and i actually would look forward to hanging out with her and talking BUT physically… something was missing. Im going to be very blunt (as if i have been anything else on here) EVERYTIME TWO PEOPLE GET TOGETHER-ITS NOT MAKING LOVE! I just want to phuck sometimes, I just want to get manhandled while im getting blown everything doesnt always have to be sensual. Every act does not have to be a cosmic connection! She was into making love, i was jsut horny. Sounds shallow but truth be told, MANY guys out there feel the same but most wont ever put in words because of the backlash that is expected. To tie all this back into the subject at hand “how to break up with your girl” I lost so much physical interest that eventually I didnt like going to her place (or having her come to mine) if it mean that one of us would be spending the night. Eventually she started “ackin'” up and bitching about my lack of interest and she dumped me! Thats how i broke up with her. I let her get tired of me and let me go. It took longer that i wanted (by several months!) but she ventually “stood up for herself” and demanded more. since i could not provide, she got to steppin’!

          So, long story short…I dont know! All i know is that the sex was gah-bage!

          1. Yeah, see.. That’s exactly what I was saying in the post. Let her let herself out the door. She feels good that she dumped you and you feel good that she’s gone.

            The good part about your story is that some people wait until they get married to test it out and then when they’re like “meh” about the sex, they’re already stuck with the chick. πŸ˜€

  31. And just one more thing. I don’t know who would consider sleeping with someone who sounds like an air head. I’m sure you’re a real stud man, huh?

    1. Wow… Im trying to re-read the answers to the original post because this seemed a lil personal! Unless Im just being callous, I dont see how Mr. Cs answer could draw such strong words in return. Lesson learned. Dont know what he did but will start to tome down my responses…

      1. lol, It’s cool, man. πŸ™‚

        That’s the downside of writing a blog where you try to tell people the truth. People only like the truth when it makes them feel good. They don’t like the truth when it lends credence to their suspicions.

        If I wrote a blog for people to LIKE IT, I would just lie to them and tell them whatever they wanted to hear so they could feel good about a situation they shouldn’t be feeling good about to begin with.

        Getting mad at my blog is like getting mad at a stop sign. Go ahead… Don’t stop… Good luck with that intersection! πŸ˜€

  32. hey, ahh im in a sticky situation.
    theres a guy that likes me, and were keen to start dating but his girlfriend wont clear off.
    she insisted they try again when my man broke up with her.. and now we cant find a way for him to tell her he wants to break up with her that isnt going to make her hate us both forever. she is in our friend group so.. we cant just avoid her. but we also dont want to wait too long to be able to be together.. PLEASE HELP!

    1. Interesting situation, Hillary. This is one of the problems with dating your friends. After the “divorce”, you have to figure out how to divvy up your mutual friends and events. This is why people in college, for instance, tend to date people from OTHER SCHOOLS, so it’s not an issue when it’s over.

      As far as her “clearing off”, even if she did, she’s going to be dismayed to see him cold lampin’ with you as soon as their so-called relationship is over. If you don’t wait before being visibly with him in front of other people, she’s going to come back at him with accusations of treachery and cheating during the relationship blah blah blah.

      There was a situation that came up here on the blog a while back and I can’t remember what it was, but it was (it might actually be above, on this very page) basically that a guy wanted to break up with his girl before some trip they were going to go on together in about a month. Unfortunately, you can’t do both… break up easily and break up quickly. It has to be one or the other.

      The only way for your new boyfriend to quickly gain his release from the other chick is for him to “man up” and let her know he’s not feeling her anymore and he’s done with the relationship = she’s going to be upset at him, which is what you’re trying to avoid. Part of the problem here is that if she’s not clearing off, that means she doesn’t see the relationship as being anywhere near over. He’s going to catch her off guard with his breakup statement and that’s not going to go over well at all.

      Even if he tells her the standard “It’s not you, it’s me”, if she’s sweating him, she’ll want to work it out. There’s nothing to work out, because he’s done with her and he wants to spend time with you now. Basically, he’s already exited the relationship and he’s trying to figure out a way to let her know what he already knows, that it’s over.

      The problem is that since people consider relationships to be mutual things instead of two one-way things, they can’t understand how the other side of the relationship could end while their side is still perfectly fine to them.

      The only way out is for him to tell her that he wants the relationship to end and then field all her comments and questions for however long it takes her to be cool with that. That might be days, weeks or months. After she’s over it, he can date you publicly. Until that time, she’s going to feel hurt if her (your) friends tell her they’ve seen you spending quality time with your (her) man. Meanwhile, he’s going to feel lame about spending time with a chick he’s not feeling anymore, but that’s the price we have to pay sometimes. It’s like doing an early withdrawl on an IRA account… You have to pay some kind of fee for breaking the contract.

      Good Luck! πŸ™‚

      1. This is something that came up earlier ( 10 reasons he wants to be friend??) exit strategy! don’t enter a situation unless u can see the exit. If you jump into a relationship with people from a mutual circle of friends then it can get murky and the easy exit isn’t always their.

        1. That’s exactly it, C Jay. The problem is that dudes are so hard-pressed to pull ONE CHICK *EVER* IN THEIR ENTIRE CAREER that they don’t think it all the way through to a potential breakup.

          I find this extremely funny, considering that most guys, when they first kick it to a chick, they’re just trying to get on and they’re not thinking about actually keeping her. She’s basically “what’s to do” at that point in time. That doesn’t make her any less beautiful, sexy, interesting, intelligent, loving, whatever she is.. It’s just that there’s a difference between wanting to mess with a chick that turns you on and spending time with her because you intend to make her your girlfriend/fiancee/wife.

          The way I see it.. If a chick is cool and you can see yourself spending a lot of time with her but NOT being exclusive with her, leave it alone, unless she happens to be that rare type of chick that can mess with you when you’re both interested and actually keep her head screwed on straight when you’re not interested anymore.

  33. Ooh oops i just typed a huge comment and when i hit post it come up blank! Please tell me it worked right? I do not want to sumit it again if i dont have to! Either the blog glitced out or i am just stuipd, the second option doesnt surprise me lol.

  34. i broke up with my girlfriend because she was not caring,irresponsible and she does not keep her word , no respect for me , she went out with someone else on valentine day.

    1. Somehow, I missed this. Sorry to hear that, Wisdom.

      Lots of guys end up in relationships with women that don’t really care about them because we choose them visually instead of by personality.

  35. How do I do all of this with her living with me? I’m not going to break up with her or anything like that… I’m just curious for your opinion as to how someone in this predicament would get out.

    1. wow. Good question. πŸ™‚

      The first thing you would have to do is GET AN APARTMENT!!! πŸ˜€

      The second thing you’d have to do is pack your stuff and move it out of your current apartment.

      Once your stuff is gone, you’d have to inform her that you’re leaving her.

      If she begs you to stay and reconsider, you can stay if you want, at your own risk.

      If she flips out and kicks you out of her apartment, you already have your place hooked up.

  36. So your looking up how to break up with your girl. Interesting, that your not going to break up with her yet your just wondering how someone would get out of that. No worries! I have the answer for you ” how bout this”. I’m going to my moms, and I’m not coming back for a while. I can’t believe you boe. You really hurt me.

  37. Ok, im with this girl and i’ll try and make this short. We both work alot, and dont see each other often. she hardly calls and does things that lets me know im not on top of her list. i doubt im even on the list lol. point being ive made the judgment that my “quality” is simply the fact of her being able to go to work, school, bed knowing shes not alone, she has someone. Shes a really nice person and i could use the old we both work so much scheme but we knew we wouldn’t see each other much to begin with i had just thought she wouldn’t have progressively cared less about me as time went on. Shes emotionally sensitive so i really don’t want her to think im bailing…how do you suggest i go about this scenario. lol so much for keeping it short. :p

    1. hmmmmmm….

      “…she hardly calls and does things that lets me know im not on top of her list…”

      Really? You are worried about someone thinking that you are bailing when that person herself seems to have never even checked in. I bet my bottom dollar and my top check and Bills 2011 tax refund that, if you just stopped calling her she wouldnt notice for a while. When she finally does and if she actually cares, you my friend are in the drivers seat. Otherwise, let it be. You typing the above message showed more effort than you say she shows PERIOD.

      1. no your correct. but i have a soft spot for bright headlights and a solid bumper if you catch my drift. guess my point was, idk if shes actually that busy and actually is tired, or she jus doesnt give to shats about me. and as far as me putting the effort in on this thing, regardless i like talking to ppl and getting different opinions. i appreciate your thoughts on the matter and i have not been calling/txting her. lol hasnt phased her yet. i just dont want to be like well you dont give a phuck bout me so im done only to hear. im just really tired and i want to see you but blah blah blah your a dick F off. because i DID legitamatly like her when she was her past self. id like that back if thats even possible,

    2. Interesting scenario, Phillip.

      I think that what I would do in that situation is I would first try to figure out my demands if I were going to remain in a relationship with her. Once I figured out what “staying with her” looks like for me, I’d tell her that this situation isn’t working for me and start a conversation that’s either going to lead towards the goals I decided on in stage 01, or will lead to her saying that she can’t be involved in whatever it is that I want, which means we’ll both agree to break up, with no fault on either side.

      Irreconcilable Differences.

      After that, she would probably agree to the demands, but then the question would be whether her actions match her words. If they did, and the new situation works for me the way I figured it would, I’d stay in the pocket. If she didn’t change anything, I’d give it a grace period and then inform her that I’ve had enough and I’m done with this.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

      1. i am very appreciative of your advice. I will try this and follow up at a later time to tell either the closing or the continuing of our relationship. lol i feel like i should have payed you. Its nice to be able to ask a simple question and get a simple answer,very rare at this day and age.

        Thank you again friend,
        Phill

  38. i have read alot of messages over here.. amm i need help! lol i left california to go here to korea.. and i find someone over here but i still have a girl back in the states.. like u said bill i dont want the painful exit for her.. i still wanted to be friends with her after.. but if i do what u post, i just want some ideas so i can start do what i gotta do..

    1. hmm… Well, Matt. If you’re actually over the chick in the USA, you can tell her that your deployment is going to be longer than you thought (assuming you’re in the US Armed Forces, since I can’t think of why else someone would go to Korea), and that it’s not fair to her to have her wait for you when you might not be coming back for ages.

      On the other hand.. If you’re not sure you’re going to stay with the chick you met in Korea, make your decision when you feel sure about it. No point in alienating the American chick and then ending up dumping the chick from Korea and then you’re SOL.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *