That’s an EXCELLENT question….

The way I see it, it all depends on whether she’s still your homegirl or not. If you still care about her as a person, but don’t want to “be with her” like that anymore, you might just have to eat this one.

You might have to tell her straight that you’ve had a change of heart about your relationship, but that you’re willing to let her stay with you as long as it takes for her to “get on her feet”. The obvious problem is “What if she NEVER gets on her feet?”. She might also drag her feet in leaving if she still wants to be with you.

Unfortunately, sometimes people get stuck with situations and people. “Nowhere to go” could imply that she doesn’t have any apartments lined up… OR… it could mean that she doesn’t have income at all. If you’re carrying her financially, that’s gonna make it like twelve times worse. That would be like kicking your own kid out of the house so she could go live in a homeless shelter, assuming they have those where you live.

VERY tough situation, dude. But like I said… If she’s still your girl, let her know you’re done with your relationship but not your friendship and that you don’t want to see her on the street.

Good Luck!

You bring up an excellent point, but first, I’d like to say… I’ve never heard those two common American colloquialisms used together and to such comedic effect! kudos! “A dick… with no balls!” Fantastic!

To explain to the uninitiated, if someone’s “a dick”, it’s an American reference to male genitalia, but it’s also used to mean that the person is a jerk or a creep. At the same time, to say someone has “no balls”, it’s another reference to male genitalia, except it means that they’re cowardly or “spineless”. (of course, “no balls” could also be effectively calling a guy “a girl”, which is also a common American insult, well, world-wide, really, but we’ll get into that on some other post )

Anyway, to call someone “A dick with no balls” is really fantastic, because it’s like you’re a JERK, but just don’t DARE to be the JERK that you truly are, because you can’t stomach the consequences, hahaha Brilliant!

Now, here’s why I’m saying we don’t disagree. Of course, I could be wrong about that haha…

What I left out is that this tactic… Well… ANY tactic that I suggests only works if a) You’re a good actor, and b) You’re smarter than your girl in the first place. If you’re not a good actor, you can’t pull it off, and if you’re not smarter than her, you can’t sustain your ruse.

This is another reason women become confused, and I need to make an individual post about the fact that not all guys need to try to do fancy stuff like this. Some things should be left to the pros, and some guys should just be straight up and honest with their girls, because they don’t posess the brain processing power to get over and “stay over”, as it were.

Then again, that’s why my posts get hits every single day. Guys want to break up with their girls, but can’t “figure out how to”. The fact of the matter is that breaking up is instantaneous, so you don’t NEED a technique to break up with her. Tell her you’re done. Stop taking her calls. Move somewhere else. Get a new girl and sport her out on the town. There are tons of ways to straight up DUMP a chick (or a guy, for the ladies), but, as you point out, there are a lot of guys looking for sneaky ways to do it instead of dealing with the issue directly.

Also, hahaha the relationship itself isn’t “all about sex”, however, it’s defined by sex. That’s why I gave that as an example. All you’re doing by breaking up with a chick is demoting her from being the only gal you’re having sex with.

The relationship itself is about all the good things that friendship brings to a couple, and then the sex on top of it. So.. breaking up means you revert to friendship at best and not knowing each other at all at worst.

I guess that’s the point of this entire tactic. How to get her to be cool with the fact that she no longer has exclusive physical rights to you.

Lol and you know your last bit was totally extreme!! A simple, “I don’t think it’s going to work out anymore” would suffice. I also like(not really, I’m being sarcastic) the way you made that hypothetical relationship seem like it was all about sex but that’s on a different tangent!

Text message? hahaha The only way it could have been more IMPERSONAL is if he had told you to go to the telegraph office and wait for the clerk to decipher his long and short taps. Lame.

Wouldn’t a text message have gone to your… PHONE? He could have dialed your number faster than he could have typed out a “Dear John” letter… can women GET “Dear John” letters?… anyway…

Maybe you’re right… Maybe you’re right and I’m wrong. Maybe the way to go is to just tell a chick straight “Look… I’m kind of tired of tapping that, so let’s not have any more sex, ok? I want us to be friends, but I’m just not tryinna get on you like not even one more time in this lifetime. Good Lookin’ Out on all those positions you did for me. Hey… I don’t want to leave you hanging… My friend Ned hasn’t gotten some in a while, and I’m sure he’d be willing to hook up with you.”

How do you think THAT would go over?

I’m sorry that happened to you. People SUCK, in general, and that guy was lame to go the text message route, for sure!

Communication is the actual key. It’s not something that people test for before becoming involved with someone. What you’re describing sounds like a BASIC cop-out by someone that isn’t willing to commmunicate with his woman. Lame. That’s not what I’m talking about, here.

What I’m talking about is getting past the BACKLASH that occurs right after you break up with a chick, where she circles the wagons and becomes negative towards you in order to get past believing that you were “The One” and she was going to be with you until she died. If you still like a gal, but you’re not interested in being exclusive with her anymore, tactics may be necessary to keep her as a friend after the romantic part’s done between you.

It’s tough, attempting to articulate tactics dealing with “affairs of the heart” in text, but I’m totally not talking about situations where guys are done with chicks and don’t give a damn whether they ever see them again in life. I’m talking about when you want to roll her back, but not lose her. You want her to know that she’s still special to you, but you aren’t interested in being exclusive with her.

It’s a ’sticky wicket’, for sure, but handled properly, you can maintain a friendship with her through her pending new relationship, kids and whatever else she goes through in life.

But, yeah… If a guy’s just DONE with a chick, let her know and step to the left.

Actually, “Being Mature” is doing what you want to do when you want to do it and living with or dealing with the consequences. If someone chooses to make his woman eject him in the best interest of the future of their relationship, that’s as “mature” as any other exit strategy.

Also, the reason why your “let her family and friends console her” plan doesn’t help in this situation at all is that the guy is STILL vilified for leaving her. The whole point is not to fall in that hatred zone that occurs right after she was so in love with you and remain friends with her indefinitely.

On top of that, look at the words you chose. ” solidify that he was not the best option”. This is STILL a loss for the guy.

As far as “moving on”, we don’t WANT her to “move on”. We want her to GET OVER IT. There’s a difference. If this were the basic situation of “I’m done with her so let her go do whatever the hell she wants for the rest of her life”, sure… tell her it’s over and let her be upset, because you’re not going to be around to hear it anyway.

Having said all that, in general, I agree with you that being up front about things is the nicest way to be. However, if that’s not going to get you where you need to go, you need to apply some social lubricant.

I’ll be back.

Her family/friends will rally around her and give her the genuine love and support she needs to get past it and solidify that he was not the best option.

It’s not ok to be dishonest…I haven’t know one woman who’s been dumped that hasn’t moved on, even in the worse situation.

Yeah, it’s tough, rolling a chick back to a previous version without having her get upset at you for “failing” to be “The One”. However, if it’s like you said, and you still want to be friends with her after the fact, ya gotta DO what ya gotta DO!

I JUST WISH THIS WOULD BE A FASTER PROSES

Perhaps I didn’t expand enough on my point about getting her to do the breakup.

Assuming it’s done correctly, you won’t even know it was done to you. The reason I say it’s in your best interest is that there are only two scenarios available:

1) You break up with him and feel superior that you dumped him.

2) He breaks up with you, and your self-esteem plummets.

Either way, your relationship’s over. As much as chicks complain about guys suddenly dumping them with no explanation of why, and then like two days later, they have a new girlfriend, I would think that making HER think it was HER idea for the relationship to end would be an easier letdown for her, since she’s about to be single again, one way or the other.

In a perfect world, whether it’s the guy or girl that’s done with the relationship, that person would say “I’m not feelin’ ya anymore”, and the other person would accept that and move on with their lives. Unfortunately, that undermines the entire concept of “a relationship”, because it’s so easily and immediately dissolved.

Also, this tactic’s more Profesh. You have to know what you’re doing to pull this off lovely, and most guys don’t know enough about their women’s mentalities to let them down easy in the first place, so, in general, you may be absolutely right…

that Honesty is the best Policy!

@Tyme: No doubt, often, it’s easier to get STARTED with relationships than to get FINISHED with them.

I agree that most people do not have an accurate assessment on why someone is “into” them. Taking that away would definitely lead to the other person wanting to break up - or worse I guess, try to change the guy back to being who he was.

I don’t see it as underhanded. Some people (because men do this too) don’t understand the words, “I don’t want you anymore” and cling.

“But don’t overdo it - don’t want her to change her mind.” Oh yes, mind your Shakespearian skillz.