A reader writes:
“I’m a guy. Why don’t women approach me?”
That’s always situational. It depends on what she likes and it depends on what you’re like. The first place you want to go is to read life isn’t fair. If you aren’t cute or well-built or have a great personality or sense of humor (or, of course, all of the above! 
) then you’re at a SERIOUS disadvantage to begin with.
The problem is that everybody wants to date the top chicks. A LOT OF WOMEN are being completely overlooked and underdated because they fall outside of a certain range of what guys consider HOT/HAWT. This means that unless you can envision and internalize your station in life, you’re going to delude yourself into thinking that you can get the same girls the next man can get, when, in reality, you’re like a little league player batting against a MLB pitcher.
So, the first thing you might want to recognize is that you’re not “fly”, so chicks aren’t SUPPOSED to be approaching you.
If that’s the case, then you need to make moves to accentuate the positive. One way to do that is to dress better. Chicks like colorful things, also things that sparkle. Distract them from your looks with stylish gear & maybe a nice watch if it fits your persona. Also, be a really, really, REALLY nice guy. This is to your advantage because often, when guys “have it like that” that chicks just like them off the bat, they get souped up. Due to the fact that they can pick up a new chick in, like, 5 MINUTES, women are romantically expendable to them and it shows in their demeanor. By being a nice guy and appreciating women, regardless of how wack you look, you have a chance.
Another good trick is to find out what her hobbies are and feign interest. Of course, this only works if you know something about her ahead of time. So next time you go the bar, bring a copy of the book you heard her talking to her friends about. Flip to a page around 3/4 of the way through the book so it looks like you’re deeply engrossed in it. Watch her make her way over and strike up a conversation 
… Oh yeah… Buy the cliff’s notes too, in case you ACTUALLY have to talk to her ABOUT the book.
So that covers it if you’re not a good-looking guy to begin with. She’s not approaching you because…. she doesn’t feel like it! So make sure you attract her with gimmicks, smoke & mirrors. However, what if you ARE attractive, and she’s STILL not approaching you?
Well, first of all, you might not be HER type, physically. Just because a lot of chicks give you compliments doesn’t mean that ALL of them want to hook up with you. Assuming that’s not the case, you just might be too much for her to handle, and she knows damned well that she’s not going to have *ANY* control over you, so she doesn’t dare step to you and let you know what she wants. Women like mentally strong guys, but they need to feel like they have some say in what goes on. They need to feel that they have some sort of effect on you, or perhaps leverage. Without that leverage, they feel like their relationship could end any day when you just say “Nah… Not interested. Don’t feel like seeing you this week. Later.” If a gal can’t see in her mind’s eye being with you and having there be SOMETHING about her that’s unique and compelling you to stay with her, she’s not likely to step, because she’s already seeing the end of her relationship with you before it even starts.
Finally, although there are probably another million reasons a chick might not step to a guy she likes, as much as we hate rejection as guys, women hate it MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE! You have to consider that they’re brought up to get stuff for free just from their looks. Get into parties for free. Have drinks bought for them for free. Get taken shopping for free. Get invited out on yachts for free. Get put up at a Jersey Shore beach house over a three-day weekend for free…… So they’re VERY used to people just giving them things. That includes raps.
The fact that you haven’t already approached her to throw your hat in the ring is a red flag to her. In her experience, a guy that’s interested in her offers her some kind of bribe to “listen to his demo”. If she knows that you’ve seen her, and you haven’t come over and introduced yourself, that means she might very well walk up to you, try to strike up a conversation and get rejected. 
Hate it when THAT happens! hahahaha So it’s the safer play to hang out with her girls or whatever group she came out with and keep checking you out, but never actually step to you.
Having said that, don’t expect her to walk all the way over to you unless she’s just that confident about herself, which is a fantastic thing! For the most part, chicks will put themselves within striking distance for *YOU* to rap to them. You still end up doing the work, but what she did to facilitate that was to make herself available. She deserves credit for not sitting on a couch against a wall all night, surrounded by friends she’s never going to hook up with anyway… looking like the king surrounded by the rook and a row of pawns. So acknowledge her gesture with a smile and “hello” and then it’s business as usual from there.
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[...] Why Don’t Women Approach Me? – Bill Cammack [...]
Sometimes this sht makes you want to kill yourself! Fuuuuuuuukkk!! I can’t tell if I’m physically unattractive to them, personally unattractive to them, or just the wrong race!! Deeeeeaaaath!!
@Chill: Don’t let it stress you out.
Make moves to do whatever self-improvement you can, but also, it’s a function of the types of ladies you’re approaching. Unfortunately, the hotter they are, the more in demand they are and many times, the less likely they are to even listen to what a guy they’re not interested in has to say.
Read the last four paragraphs of Life Isn’t Fair.
Good Luck!
“For the most part, chicks will put themselves within striking distance for *YOU* to rap to them.” – I had this situation come up at a bar while I was wingman-ing for a friend. What followed was a classic case of shit your stoopid ass friend should not say to women who you have just watched close the tab at their bar table just to get up and sit right next *you* at the bar after your wingman buddy broke the ice when you ran away to the men’s room… but I digress. What was my point, oh yeah, it does actually happen and it is a pretty cool and bold thing when the ladies meet you halfway.
@Steve: Well, that’s a different story, when chicks see you as a “Mark” and have decided they’re gonna keep their ducats in their pockets and get nice off of YOUR funds.
I actually had the reverse happen to me, in a way. I was at this hotel bar, and saw these two gals doing NOTHING, meaning they were sitting at a table, talking to each other and having a drink, like they could have done AT HOME, so I chatted them up.
It seems like they were waiting for a particular type of person, because they weren’t interested in what I had to say and faked leaving by excusing themselves, getting up from their table and leaving the entire bar.
Right after that, they started playing dance music, so I started dancing with one of the ladies that was ALREADY hanging out with us. That’s when I noticed that the extra two had returned, and were now standing around on the side with nobody interested in dancing with them.
That’s what they get for going to a social situation and being anti-social, haha. Similarly, chicks who had a tab and closed it to leech off of yours need to get what they deserve… NOTHING!
Ya know, I didn’t see it that way, and had “The Kid” been there I’m sure things would’ve turned out differently. Entirely possible they were trying to leech drinks, BUT they were quite willing to chat with us (maybe they were gonna chat and roll just to say that they had done more than stare at each other all night? Which is cool too since we were lamely looking to do the same). Anyway I broke the ice (they were nice and in my league) after Maverick prevaricated then settled on a dogfight with his weak bladder. From there things went well and we were all having fun until Mr. Conversation Killah
said, “You know, SMOKING is bad for your health” to two nurses in their late 30’s, who were stepping out for a smoke. I think it was also the longest sentence he’d spit out up to that point because he’s *kinda shy*. That’s when :The world went into bullet time: BUMP BUMP – I saw their faces change indicating they were closing, I saw my buddy obliviously being oblivious, I saw a drop of condensation run down my low ball glass, I remembered some things for my grocery list, a lonely dog howled in the night, crickets chirped, and somewhere deep inside me a little man in a clown suit was screaming, “noooooooooooooooooo”…
But it was too late. They closed up shop and there was no amount of tap dancing that one man could do.
Man, I love my boy (he’s my best and oldest friend) and I’m not saying we were close to getting any play but given that we were hard up we couldn’t afford mission critical mistakes… Anyway, that was a few years ago and neither instance has recurred: having the ladies “step” to us or Maverick using Surgenon General warnings as pick up lines.
@Steve: oh, ok.
I see what you mean by “closed their tab and came over”. I suppose my point was that they didn’t need to close out in order to kick it with y’all, but yeah, that’s a good thing, the way you describe it now.
As far as your boy, I think I need to write a post about getting dudes to STFU when they don’t have anything to say that’s going to get anybody laid.
That’s something that needs to be assessed QUICKLY so that a solution can be decided upon ASAP. You’ve got to have the guys that initiate the convos with the ladies and the guys that close the deal. If you’re not ADDING to the group’s props, you’re SUBTRACTING!
“By being a nice guy and appreciating women, regardless of how wack you look, you have a chance”
This is patently not true. A nice guy is a lady’s friend, little else. The saying goes… ‘nice guys finish last’.
The truth is that more often than not, women are attracted to self-absorbed men who periodically, exhibit a soft side to their narcissism. What that does is indicate to the ladies that you’re a challenge but have hope of being redeemed. This is a lot different that the classic pussywhipped engineering/premed type.
Essentially, you’re absolutely right, Randy. I was attempting to offer a ray of HOPE!
You will notice, though, that before that statement, I said “So, the first thing you might want to recognize is that you’re not “fly”, so chicks aren’t SUPPOSED to be approaching you”.
Nice guys definitely finish last. I know this because I’m a nice guy, haha and I’ve “finished last” to some INSANELY INFERIOR dudes because they were the ones who were more aggressive with their raps. I mean, on paper, visually, physically, mentally, across the board, I should have easily “gotten the girl” instead of them, but technique won the day, as the guys knew what bullshit to feed the chicks to get them to lay down and then summarily discarded them, as was their plan all along.
The reason the “narcissism soft-side” technique works is that chicks like to believe that they’re special. It’s better for their self-esteem to feel like they pulled a guy that’s extremely discriminating when it comes to women than it is for them to believe that either he’s a stone-cold player or that he’s just trying to get some from any gal that will give it to him.
Also, as you mention, it presents the guy as a challenge, and we all know how women LOOOOOVE to change things, so they’re thinking about how they’re going to “make him theirs”, when, in reality, he’s running the same game on as many chicks as he met in the last week.
1> “chicks like to believe that they’re special”
Quick question, Super Bill: so at what point do women get tired of this childlike man bullshit? Face it, if you ignore the *need* for sex I’ve just described a 5 year old! LOL
2> “women LOOOOOVE to change things, so they’re thinking about how they’re going to “make him theirs”.
Hmmm… I have a cunning game plan: Present myself as a polished but *sincere* flatterer with several mildly bad habits (like narcissism, no drug addiction or psychotic plays unless you’re a real actor or rock star) that are not readily apparent so as to do a slow reveal over time.
Now if I could just figure out how to close… and dance I’d be set!
When do women get tired of this?
Never.
There are women who were BORN tired of it and women who became accustomed to it and aren’t interested in it anymore, but if you meet a chick that’s currently in this state, she’s not going to get tired of it.
The “fact” that you’re a badboy and you’ve chosen to spend time with her is what she’s using to VALIDATE to herself that she’s special. It’s like cowboys who are the only one to break a horse or guys that think they’re the only ones that got their girl to give it up.
Therefore, similar to the cowboys that doesn’t want to stop riding the horse until he breaks it, the women who are into this sort of stuff don’t want to quit, because it would be an acknowledgement of failure accompanied by a loss of self-esteem.
That’s what’s so funny/backwards about this situation.
What women SHOULD do is break north when their guys are acting like jerks, because that would actually BOLSTER their self-esteem that “they could do better”… but instead, they keep hanging on, waiting for the horse to trample them… again.
As far as your particular game plan, you’d have to pick flaws that SHE felt like she could change. Narcissism, for instance, is an actual PERSONALITY DISORDER, according to the DSM-IV. Unless she thinks she’s smart enough to psychoanalyze you, break you down mentally and rebuild you, that’s not a good flaw to have for this particular purpose.
It has to be something simple, like you use the word “bitches” in your vocabulary every time you mean “women in general”, not “women acting crabby” or “guys acting like bitches”. Eventually, you let her feel like she’s getting through to you and that you’re seeing the light that you should be more verbally respectful towards women.
That’s something she can feel she can change… well… assuming she talks to you at all after you call her a bitch a few times!
OK,I’ll pass on the serious mental disorders. Phew, that was close!
Next time “I roll up into” The Village Lantern I’ma be all like, “WHASSUP, BITCH!” and see how many fish I can hook. Maybe I’ll spin in some F-bomb while I’m at it (that’s pretty natural anyhow), “You fucking uptight bitches wanna’ party?” – am I on the right track, Bill?
[...] women to look good and LESS pressure on men. What’s the downside of not looking good for men? Women don’t approach you? They’re not going to approach you ANYWAY, because they’re so self-conscious about [...]
Here’s the skinny…
Confidence is attractive-
desperation is not
A polite gentleman is attractive-
a gushing fool is not-keep compliments to a minimum and NEVER mention her looks, she will sense you are hunting her and be turned off. Don’t look at her like she is your last meal, she will be insulted!!
Don’t say ‘can I have your number ?’
say- What is your number?
REMEMBER- good women want to be treated with kindness and respect by gentlemen who have confidence are interesting,and are a challenge. Funny is great to make her feel at ease.
As soon as you act like a needy fool you are dead in the water.
Hey Queen. Thanks for the comment.
Agreed that confidence is attractive and desperation isn’t.
Agreed that “good” women want to be treated with kindness & respect, etc.
Agreed that a sense of humor takes you a long way with women.
The rest of what you said depends on what floats her boat. There are some women that LOVE to hear compliments all the time. The key there is to comment on her looks from a position of POWER, not of NEEDINESS. You can tell her her face or body looks good and she’ll get the picture that you just wanna DOG THAT if you have the right air about you at the time.
The number thing is subjective as well. Some women don’t react well to instructions, such as “What’s your number” (which is a variation on “Give me your number”). Some women want to be asked. The trick is figuring out which one she wants before you say anything at all.
As far as her knowing that you’re hunting her, she SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT, because you spoke to her. Guys speak to women they want to have sex with… ESPECIALLY at bars and other social functions. As a matter of fact, if she doesn’t know you’re hunting her, you might end up trapped in “the friend zone” and never recover from blundering the position.
Also, you can just as easily turn a chick off by NOT hunting her as you can by HUNTING her. It only depends on whether she wants to give you some or not. If she doesn’t, whatever you do SUCKS. If she does, whatever you do is GOLD to her.
This is all BS women dont like nice guys all they want is money. Thats why ALL women are whores.
Hey Jason.
In some situations you’re right. In the worst-case scenario, every female available to you wants things that you don’t have now and are never going to have. That’s a messed up situation, for sure.
Second worst-case is that all the women YOU WANT want things that you don’t have and aren’t ever going to have. In that situation, all you need to do is lower your standards, and there are lots of women available.
You also might need to change locations. If you live in the sticks, and there are only like 15 girls available, you’re short. It’s all a numbers game, man. The more the merrier. I know it seems like a large brick wall and that women all SEEM the same after a bunch of the same experience with them, but the game you need to play is finding that needle in the haystack.
Good Luck!