Comments on: Fear of Commitment http://billcammack.com/2008/04/08/fear-of-commitment/ Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:04:37 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01] | Bill Cammack http://billcammack.com/2008/04/08/fear-of-commitment/#comment-27035 I’m Only A Man [RW:DC, Part 01] | Bill Cammack Mon, 01 Mar 2010 10:06:44 +0000 http://billcammack.com/?p=808#comment-27035 [...] that I understand this about myself, the issue is circumvented by never committing to one chick. If you don’t tell one person that you’re in a committed relationship with them, you [...] [...] that I understand this about myself, the issue is circumvented by never committing to one chick. If you don’t tell one person that you’re in a committed relationship with them, you [...]

]]> By: Why He Won’t Kiss You | Bill Cammack http://billcammack.com/2008/04/08/fear-of-commitment/#comment-26087 Why He Won’t Kiss You | Bill Cammack Mon, 21 Dec 2009 12:33:18 +0000 http://billcammack.com/?p=808#comment-26087 [...] Reader “Jackie” asked me yesterday how come a guy that enjoys spending time with her and seems to be romantically interested in her [...] [...] Reader “Jackie” asked me yesterday how come a guy that enjoys spending time with her and seems to be romantically interested in her [...]

]]> By: Jackie http://billcammack.com/2008/04/08/fear-of-commitment/#comment-26080 Jackie Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:35:15 +0000 http://billcammack.com/?p=808#comment-26080 Wow, thank you so much for the advice, there's so much to consider now! This really did open up my eyes to stuff I wasn't seeing. Thanks again! - Jackie Wow, thank you so much for the advice, there’s so much to consider now! This really did open up my eyes to stuff I wasn’t seeing. Thanks again!

- Jackie

]]> By: Bill Cammack http://billcammack.com/2008/04/08/fear-of-commitment/#comment-26079 Bill Cammack Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:17:57 +0000 http://billcammack.com/?p=808#comment-26079 Hey Jackie. :) Thanks for the compliments. I try to keep things somewhat interesting/informative. :D What you're asking about is the same topic from a different perspective. There's definitely a Fear involved, but it may or may not be commitment that he's worried about. Here are some options to consider: 1. He's scared of you, physically. He likes you and is probably sexually attracted to you, but he can't see himself puttin' in work on you that would make you appreciate him more and take your relationship in a positive direction rather than a negative direction. 2. He wants you but never suspected he would/could ever HAVE you. Your kissing him informed him that the impossible was possible, if not PROBABLE and now he's shook, 'cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks, scared to death and scared to look. It might take him some time to regroup with a new game plan and he's stalling until he figures that out. 3. He's one of those guys that believes guys should make all the moves, so he feels (pardon my French for a second) like a bitch because you pressed up on him instead of him "Doing what a man's supposed to do". 4. Along the same lines of societal expectations, he might think you're "easy", being that you kissed him before he kissed you. Retarded, I know, but possible. 5. He's not over his ex. This is definitely something that happens to guys, but mostly, they don't want to say so in order to not look like a chump or a p****. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine informed me he and his long-time girlfriend had just broken up and that the advice he was getting from people was "go get laid". In some cases, that's a useless thing to do, specifically in the case where a guy wasn't just with his ex for the guaranteed sex. Screwing some chick you don't know right after exiting a meaningful relationship sometimes just doesn't cut the mustard. Regarding your situation, depending on how long ago he "got out of a bad relationship" (which could mean ANYTHING), he might be VERY interested in attractive female companionship and NOT interested in making out with you or anything else, because he's emotionally not ready for that yet. 6. One of my personal favorites is that he selected you BECAUSE he *KNEW* you weren't going to kiss him. :) You were one of those safe chicks whose company you can enjoy and you can share great times with without worrying about her getting horny and pressing up on you. He may have found out he was wrong when you went in for that peck, and now he's in "What do I do now?" mode. 7. He doesn't know whether he's clean or not. Life in the fast lane comes with certain physical hazards. There's no immediate test to show whether someone's clean or not. You have to go to the clinic, get tested, not have sex at all while you're waiting for the results and eventually get them. I think the waiting period is two weeks? So, depending on how long he's been acting shook, he might be waiting to receive the green light from the doctor. He may know very well that if he starts kissing you, he's not going to want to stop there and he might be looking out for *your* health. As usual, unfortunately, this situation calls for a direct confrontation. If you have that type of authentic relationship with him, you'll be able to ask him straight "What's up?" and let him know what you're thinking about and/or feeling about him and receive a useful answer that allows you to cut that zero or get with that hero. Asking him is all you can do. If he fronts and doesn't want to say what the issue is, you're going to have to accept that AS your answer and make your decision based on the fact that he's not even willing to meet you halfway and discuss the situation with you. As an uneducated guess, my money's on Performance Anxiety. Sometimes, a gal is a fantasy. Sometimes you think all the time and DREAM about hittin' it, but everything goes perfectly in the dream. When it looks like it might go down for real, you have to replace your dream self who rocked the spot and won the day with your real self who might be out of shape, lack stamina and/or rhythm or in the worst-case scenario, be a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab_q-UhR44I" rel="nofollow">Two-Minute Brotha</a>! :O haha Sometimes, it's better to NOT hit it and stay in the game than to make a move you're not sure about and potentially lose what you already have with her. Good Luck! :D Hey Jackie. :) Thanks for the compliments. I try to keep things somewhat interesting/informative. :D

What you’re asking about is the same topic from a different perspective. There’s definitely a Fear involved, but it may or may not be commitment that he’s worried about.

Here are some options to consider:

1. He’s scared of you, physically. He likes you and is probably sexually attracted to you, but he can’t see himself puttin’ in work on you that would make you appreciate him more and take your relationship in a positive direction rather than a negative direction.

2. He wants you but never suspected he would/could ever HAVE you. Your kissing him informed him that the impossible was possible, if not PROBABLE and now he’s shook, ’cause ain’t no such things as halfway crooks, scared to death and scared to look. It might take him some time to regroup with a new game plan and he’s stalling until he figures that out.

3. He’s one of those guys that believes guys should make all the moves, so he feels (pardon my French for a second) like a bitch because you pressed up on him instead of him “Doing what a man’s supposed to do”.

4. Along the same lines of societal expectations, he might think you’re “easy”, being that you kissed him before he kissed you. Retarded, I know, but possible.

5. He’s not over his ex. This is definitely something that happens to guys, but mostly, they don’t want to say so in order to not look like a chump or a p****. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine informed me he and his long-time girlfriend had just broken up and that the advice he was getting from people was “go get laid”. In some cases, that’s a useless thing to do, specifically in the case where a guy wasn’t just with his ex for the guaranteed sex. Screwing some chick you don’t know right after exiting a meaningful relationship sometimes just doesn’t cut the mustard. Regarding your situation, depending on how long ago he “got out of a bad relationship” (which could mean ANYTHING), he might be VERY interested in attractive female companionship and NOT interested in making out with you or anything else, because he’s emotionally not ready for that yet.

6. One of my personal favorites is that he selected you BECAUSE he *KNEW* you weren’t going to kiss him. :) You were one of those safe chicks whose company you can enjoy and you can share great times with without worrying about her getting horny and pressing up on you. He may have found out he was wrong when you went in for that peck, and now he’s in “What do I do now?” mode.

7. He doesn’t know whether he’s clean or not. Life in the fast lane comes with certain physical hazards. There’s no immediate test to show whether someone’s clean or not. You have to go to the clinic, get tested, not have sex at all while you’re waiting for the results and eventually get them. I think the waiting period is two weeks? So, depending on how long he’s been acting shook, he might be waiting to receive the green light from the doctor. He may know very well that if he starts kissing you, he’s not going to want to stop there and he might be looking out for *your* health.

As usual, unfortunately, this situation calls for a direct confrontation. If you have that type of authentic relationship with him, you’ll be able to ask him straight “What’s up?” and let him know what you’re thinking about and/or feeling about him and receive a useful answer that allows you to cut that zero or get with that hero. Asking him is all you can do. If he fronts and doesn’t want to say what the issue is, you’re going to have to accept that AS your answer and make your decision based on the fact that he’s not even willing to meet you halfway and discuss the situation with you.

As an uneducated guess, my money’s on Performance Anxiety. Sometimes, a gal is a fantasy. Sometimes you think all the time and DREAM about hittin’ it, but everything goes perfectly in the dream. When it looks like it might go down for real, you have to replace your dream self who rocked the spot and won the day with your real self who might be out of shape, lack stamina and/or rhythm or in the worst-case scenario, be a Two-Minute Brotha! :O

haha Sometimes, it’s better to NOT hit it and stay in the game than to make a move you’re not sure about and potentially lose what you already have with her. Good Luck! :D

]]> By: Jackie http://billcammack.com/2008/04/08/fear-of-commitment/#comment-26077 Jackie Mon, 21 Dec 2009 01:45:42 +0000 http://billcammack.com/?p=808#comment-26077 Bill, I just want to say i LOVE reading your blogs...they're all so true, i love it lol. But i wanted to ask you something in regards to your blog "Fear of Commitment"... There is this cool dude i've been hanging out with (going to concerts, movies, coffee shop...) he's even come over to my house and had dinner and we watched some movies together. I went in for a kiss, (a peck) and i think it may have startled him. Since then, he hasn't made a move, and never brought it up... I know he's not gay, and he's made it clear that he isn't ready for commitment because " he just got out of a bad relationship blah blah", but then why does he insist on STILL hanging out with me?? I could understand why he still wants to hang out if he wanted to do it, but whenever i try to make a move, he gets all scared. What's the deal?!? I'd REALLY appreciate any advice you could give :) - confused Jackie Bill,
I just want to say i LOVE reading your blogs…they’re all so true, i love it lol.
But i wanted to ask you something in regards to your blog “Fear of Commitment”… There is this cool dude i’ve been hanging out with (going to concerts, movies, coffee shop…) he’s even come over to my house and had dinner and we watched some movies together. I went in for a kiss, (a peck) and i think it may have startled him. Since then, he hasn’t made a move, and never brought it up… I know he’s not gay, and he’s made it clear that he isn’t ready for commitment because ” he just got out of a bad relationship blah blah”, but then why does he insist on STILL hanging out with me?? I could understand why he still wants to hang out if he wanted to do it, but whenever i try to make a move, he gets all scared. What’s the deal?!? I’d REALLY appreciate any advice you could give :)

- confused Jackie

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