Do NOT Let This Happen To You! :/

Due to a series of unfortunate circumstances (all of my own creation), this video was filmed by Annie Boccio and uploaded to the internet. We are going to discuss the errors I made that led to this and how YOU can avoid this from happening to YOU in the future. 😀


Error #1: Do NOT hang out with people who post pictures and videos to the internet. 🙂

I wasn’t paying attention and started doing my usual bar routines that I do to people who never record it. I always leave the situations feeling like I had fun messing with people’s minds, and that by the next morning, it would all fade away and I can forget about it or do it again the next night if I so choose. 🙂

What I wasn’t paying attention to was that we were @ PodCampNYC and I was literally SURROUNDED by media-makers. I’m used to being the only one in the room interested in documenting hangouts, and since I had no intention of recording anything, I was just flowing and enjoying some mental recreation… Next thing I know, I notice a small red camera in Annie’s hands, and as Roxanne CoughBenedictArnoldCough Darling mentioned, it was time to change my tune! 😀

Error #2: Make sure you have a feasible and smooth-sounding counter-statement to what you were saying before the camera was turned on. 🙂

When I saw Annie’s camera, I blanked. 🙂 Whatever I had been talking about completely left my mind, and I had the choices of either saying something opposite or saying nothing at all. I really wanted to say NOTHING, but I decided to “go big or go home”. I decided to challenge myself to come off smooth and convincing at the drop of a hat on a topic that I never talk about = EPIC FAIL! 😀

If you’ve read any of the DatingGenius series, you know that the basic premise is that people suck in general and that the sooner you realize this, the better you’ll be able to handle the curveballs that relationships throw at you. The opposite of “people suck” is “people are good”, and I realized practically immediately after accepting my own challenge to GO FOR IT that I have no rolodex of GOOD things to say about people in general.

To go off on that tangent for a second… I believe that people SHOULD be “good” to begin with. I hardly see ‘doing the right thing’ as a reason to give someone props. It’s like Chris Rock said… Don’t brag about taking care of your kids… You’re SUPPOSED to take care of your kids! 😀 (for the reading-impaired, CoughTymeCough, I am making an example. I do NOT have any kids! :D) So, naturally, what’s wrong with your relationship or your perception of reality is that you fail to recognize how wack people can really be. Without that recognition, you can’t solve the problems of your own relationship because you never look in the right places. So, when things are right about a relationship, they’re SUPPOSED to be right, so there’s no reason to talk about them or have them readily mentally available. This is why I was suddenly at a loss when I ordered myself to “say nice things”.

Unfortunately for me, as I scanned backwards through history for something nice to say about women, I initially slid back to the 1960’s and Women’s Lib (apparently known as Second-Wave Feminism), but quickly landed on the rocky bottom of Women’s Suffrage. I then produced some drivel about equal pay and women driving tanks in the military. Pathetic. 🙂 My mind was racing too fast to notice the look on Rox’s face, but that brings us to error #3.

Error #3: Do not try this 180-degree style with someone with whom you’ve already had intelligent conversations. 🙂

In another split-second, spur-of-the-moment calculation that occurred at the same time I decided to try to talk my way out… I had been counting on Rox to back my play. Unfortunately for me, I’ve had hours of genuine, intelligent conversation with her over the time we’ve known each other, so it was clear to her that I was merely spewing propaganda and poorly-prepared propaganda at that! 🙂 The look on her face is “I don’t even BELIEVE that he’s saying this stuff! :/” So that backfired as well, and she mentions on tape that I was saying something completely different before Annie pressed REC.

Error #4: Do not hope that the fliming is over and go back to what you were talking about. 🙂

Clearly, by clip #2 in Annie’s video, I was no longer thinking about the camera, which is why a) I’m back to my regular mode of conversation and b) I’m suddenly wearing glasses. I’m clearly restarting the “on camera” mental functions because I speak ambiguously and appear to make an error. I say

“Dating and women in New York City? (stalling) Well… (stalling) um… (stalling) Women… should be, uh… (thinking) nice as possible to guys in New York City because… they’re outnumbered…”

Jonny Goldstein calls me on this “error” before I get to continue my statement, and I end up agreeing with him about the mistake, making myself look worse! 🙂 The “they” that are outnumbered are the men. The proper continuation of the sentence is “Women should be as nice as possible to guys in New York City, because they’re outnumbered and can choose any women they want out of the 210,820 surplus single females in this town. BUT… Of Course… That didn’t work out for me either, because I was winging it.

Having said all that… How many preparations have I made in case this ever happens again?


This was a complete anomaly. We were at a social media gathering. We all knew of each other to some degree because of blogging and videoblogging. There were cameras all over the place. I don’t think I’ve ever shown up in so much random media at one time. I got lax and stared entertaining our little group of Rox, Joe, Annie and Jonny with some DatingGenius shenanigans and received a visual lesson in how poorly I play things off when I’m trying to talk about things I never think about.


Maybe I should practice filming telling a chick I love her… In case I ever mean it! 😀

Join the Conversation


  1. Too funny! Once again, great advice from the Dating Genius? Thanks for sharing more than you ever planned!

  2. I was wondering whether you would write about this. Good points – things to remember when cameras are rolling. That’s an interesting scenario though – the camera being turned on while you are talking. I think it’s great you talked about it. Many people try to bury or hide possibly embarrassing things. Things happen, may as well talk about it and learn from it.

    I will always laugh when I think about the conversation we had when I thought you had kids. Now THAT would have been a camera moment. 🙂

  3. @Tyme: Yes, an interesting scenario… The playing field changing while a conversation’s already underway.

    I had that happen to me IRL, where I was in the midst of talking some DatingGenius ish to these two newjacks @ ‘Burp’ and this chick showed up with this new chick I had never seen before. Instinctively, I wanted to stop the conversation in its tracks and meet the new chick under ‘normal’ circumstances, but I was too far along to let the new people off the hook, so I had to keep rolling with it and ‘let the chips fall’.

    This whole situation was great fun, though. I even sent the video to my iTunes feed. 🙂

  4. Trust me when I say you didn’t come off nearly as badly as you think you did! Thanks for being such a good sport- I had a great time meeting you and your “good hands.” (oh, I won’t tell that story ;).)

  5. @Annie: haha Thanks. Besides being a joking post in general, this is more of a comparison of the subtle differences between when I’m flowing and talking about what I already know about and when I’m just reaching and making stuff up off the top of my head on the fly. I can ‘see’ myself thinking and ‘see’ myself stalling, which I normally don’t do.

    I think it’s interesting seeing myself talking through the filter of “this is being recorded” instead of going full-bore as usual. The ‘audience’ changes from the small group within earshot to whomever watches this tangible media or downloads it and plays it for whomever else.

    Also, there was a lot of IRL context at that table… Something I’ll have to post about soon, the difference between f2f and online video communication. We could all tell that we were there eating, drinking, sharing and generally having good times and fellowship. Those video clips are only a couple of minutes out of what was probably an hour sitting at that one table, out of HOURS of all of us hanging out socially, out of TWO DAYS of PodCampNYC… So, we all knew more about each other than what could be said, off the cuff, in a video clip. 🙂

    Anyway, Great meeting you Annie. The video came out fun and interesting… Although I really feel that Rox stole the show with her expressions and “Benedict Arnold”ness! 😀

  6. When I first saw this video, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It’s perfect to use this as a danger Will Robinson moment/lesson to reflect how this went down – ah, the perils of the new world of online video. Thanks for sharing how you saw yourself in this.

  7. @Patty: When I first saw Annie’s camera, *I* couldn’t believe what I was seeing! 😀 hahaha I’m pretty sure “Danger, Will Robinson” sums up my sudden understanding of the situation and immediate immersion in “propaganda mode”.

    The funny thing was that when I got there, I realized I didn’t HAVE any propaganda, because I’m either talking about stuff I believe in or I’m not talking at all. 🙂

    But, yeah… For the average Joe that wants to take on controversial topics, it would be in his best interest to have a convincing monologue prepared just in case the cameras start rolling! 😉

  8. @Derek: No doubt! 😀 … Except the problem wasn’t the camera, it was the lack of something prepared to say. It’s like how politicians have people that write their speeches for them. You’re not hearing what the policitian actually thinks, but what their publicists and advisors told them would work the best for them to gain the votes of the people they’re addressing.

    The effect of the camera was to drastically shorten the time available to me to come up with soemthing nice to say. The other effect was to remove all context from the situation. Nobody knows the relationships between the people at that table. Nobody knows the conversations that went on before then. Nobody knows my impetus to play to Annie’s camera or to try to ‘get over’ in front of Rox.

    Due to removal of context, one has to consider how one’s statements may be misconstrued, as happened right there in the video. The last group I had mentioned was guys before I said “they’re outnumbered”. When Jonny ‘corrected’ me, I lost the sentence I was in the process of saying in order to try to track back and address what he said. I didn’t have time to figure out where I had been going with “they’re outnumbered”, so I rolled with Jonny’s correction and continued my statement from there.

    So, the camera wasn’t the issue. The issue was lack of context and lack of time to formulate something coherent (and GOOD, haha) that would have been the proper expression of what I was trying to say at that time. Because of that, I formulated garbage and attempted to win the day with “Hooray For Women! :D”

  9. LOL @ Rox! 😀

    @Rox: I *will* say that your standing up for your principles and “tha sistahs” and calling me out on my pre-camera behavior made that video infinitely funnier than it would have been, otherwise! 😀

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