Lindsey Chen Asks “What’s In A Relationship?”

I’ve preempted the post I was writing about Serial Monogamy to make some comments based on Lindsey Chen’s excellent advice to chicks that overdo it about relationships.

Lindsey: What exactly defines a relationship?

A relationship is the illusion that you have some form of control over someone else’s God-given free will.

This is why chicks make such a big deal about it. It’s like a security blanket for them. SOMEBODY cares about them. SOMEBODY’S “never” going to leave them. SOMEBODY wants to have kids with buy pets with them.

This is why women tend to go berserk when they get dumped. It’s not so much that their relationship is over that bothers them. It’s more that they realize they didn’t have the guy in Deep Check the way they thought they did this whole time. Since the whole concept is ownership of another individual, it’s mentally devastating when someone chooses someone else or even prefers to be single rather than going out with her. It’s a blow against her self-perception and self-esteem.

When a woman attains a relationship, she feels that she is special because she has found someone to validate her as such. Similar to the stigma attached to women that have sex with “too many guys”, there’s a stigma to women being single, as if they “can’t find a man”. They feel embarrassed and put pressure on themselves to get into a relationship and pass that pressure on to the guys they date.

Unfortunately, it’s never enough. It’s never enough to date… They have to be called someone’s girlfriend. It’s never enough for her to be a girlfriend… They have to move in with the guy. It’s never enough to move in… They have to get engaged to him. It’s never enough to be engaged… They have to get married. It’s never enough to be married… They have to have kids…….

Meanwhile, they don’t check the boundaries with their guys ahead of time. They don’t check whether he’s looking to move in with a chick or have kids with her or get married. The problems in the relationship arise when she’s ready to escalate to the next level, and he never intended to.

Lindsey I know far too many girls who are dying to get in a relationship. And it gets a bit annoying that that’s all they talk about. Maybe if you didn’t act so crazy, annoying and obsessive, you would be in one.

True Dat! 😀 Guys AND Girls are both very often guilty of not looking in the mirror when looking to place the blame for relationship. It’s really ‘funny’ how people act like complete jerks and then think that someone’s going to want to Pair Bond with them.

Lindsey: Being a girl in a relationship really puts a different kind of perspective on other people’s relationships. I live by 3 simple rules: 1. Go with the flow aka do what makes you happy. 2. Don’t take anyone for granted 3. Be happy and nice to people.

Those are good rules. 🙂 I find that making one’s self happy affords you to try to make others happy. The problem in a lot of relationships is that the participants aren’t happy to begin with and are looking for the other person to MAKE THEM happy rather than mutually bringing their own happiness to the table.

Lindsey: Here are some of my pet peeves that have been bugging me about people I encounter:

2. When girls worry so much about their outfit: The guy probably will not notice that outfit that you’re wearing. What he will notice is that you’re wearing too much makeup.

Guys won’t notice the outfit as much as they’ll notice whether she looked GOOD or not. This is often overlooked by chicks as they believe that something that looked cute in an advertisement will make THEM look cute by having it on their person. Unfortunately, you can easily look horrible while wrapped in a nice-looking item.

Similarly, chicks don’t understand that they can look good in sweatpants, flannel shirts, hoodies, t-shirts…. I hear complaints all the time from chicks that wonder why guys tried to rap to them when they were walking down the street looking disheveled. The point is that it’s not up to YOU when you look good. It’s up to HIM when you look good.

Anyway, it’s always a good idea to get a second opinion before walking out the door with that non-fitting gear that they didn’t have in your size or with too much makeup on… especially in those colors that should only be used on Circus Clowns.

Lindsey: 4. When girls think they’re God: That’s the only way to put it. Don’t go walking around the town thinking everyone owes you something. Be nice to doormen and delivery people – who knows, you may end up marrying them. You AREN’T better than everyone that you see. Be nice – it doesn’t hurt, right?

So True. So True.

It’s amazing how humble chicks become when they become has-beens. In a lot of cases, chicks want it both ways. They want the accolades and perks that come along with being physically attractive, but they don’t want to admit to themselves that the only reason they’re getting what they get IS BECAUSE they’re physically attractive.

As soon as their looks fail and their selection of suitors drops off to somewhere near ZERO, aaaaaaaaaaaalllllll of a sudden, they know how to speak when you hold the door for them. 🙂 There’s this shellshocked look that they get sometimes. It’s like they can’t believe that it was true when people were telling them that the only reason guys were talking to them was because they wanted to have sex with them.

Lindsey: 6. And if you are in a relationship, have fun. Do what makes you happy – just go with the flow and don’t overanalyze it. That’s probably the worst thing you can do.

When it’s mutually beneficial, relationships are a fantastic thing. 🙂 When two people bring positives to the table instead of trying to attain happiness at the expense of the other person, it’s Champagne Wishes & Caviar Dreams! 😀

Unfortunately, too many people treat people they’re in relationships with as possessions of theirs. Now that they have someone calling them their girlfriend, they act differently towards the guy. They also act differently towards the friends they had BEFORE him and the friends they’ll still have when her relationship’s over and done with. It’s pathetic, but I understand it.

I just wait it out until the breakup so my friendship with the chick can go back to normal.

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  1. “Buy pets with them” instead of have kids – love that! Comes in handy when it’s time to separate. Just don’t share a parrot – they live forever! A dog might last 7-10 years.

    The problem with being a has-been woman – especially if you were extremely hot – it that it IS true that your fanbase falls off (and definitely no NEW fanbase), your ardent followers will still bow to your whims. Ya just gotta find them and tighten that circle of influence.

    The “ownership” theory really is interesting, and true to the mark. Maybe like a house. Girls move into a house/apt/condo and say, I will change the carpet, add some curtains, splash of paint. They say the SAME thing of their men in their lives – I’ll get him to exercise, stop smoking, dress better, and stop playing video games. I guess the idea is that they “own” him and will bend him to their desire.

    They learn a hard lesson when it’s over.

    I also like the “they are special” aspect. When men moved on, they hope to find someone who has all the good things their last partner had, minus the bad parts, PLUS any good new things. If they find that, why waste any time even thinking about the past? 🙂

  2. interesting….
    but too complicated for me. Im still trying tomake sense of girls/woman who force themselves into relations just to justify their need to be human and have sex. Im still trying to remind them that not only am i not their new best friend but I shouldn’t also be their only friend! never mind buying pets with them, im still trying to convince them not to change their usual get home route, we don’t need to suddenly be meeting all the time! lol
    interesting reading though.

  3. @Derek: This is actually a good point for has-beens. They DEFINITELY have a fan base that actually liked them for who they were as people… not just how they looked or what they were rumored to do when you got them alone. 🙂

    They should seek these guys out and rebuild their social circle amongst people that actually CARE about them.

  4. @Frank: Unfortunately, Life imitates Art.

    People see this stuff on television and in the movies and try to live into that fantasy. They think everyone else is doing it, so if they can’t fit their square ass into that round hole, they start freaking out.

    Everybody’s not supposed to do everything they see in the movies. Just like all dudes aren’t Ethan Hunt… all chicks aren’t Bridget Jones.

  5. So many people are with the wrong people just to be with someone. And the whole ownership thing. Women do it and men do it. And I don’t get it. These same people, they start dating and just ditch their friends. I so don’t get that.
    …*sigh* but then I’m the kind of person who finds pretty much the entire human race to be completely incomprehensible.

  6. @Darien: That’s one of the fundamental problems with so-called “relationships”. They’re really a simple format of bartering without any collateral at all. It’s all based on what people say and what people say is WORTHLESS if you can’t trust them.

    Unfortunately, people date each other BEFORE they get to know them well enough to trust them. People make agreements with each other so that they can get what they wanted out of being in a relationship, but it doesn’t really mean anything.

    For some reason, people are better at figuring out who they’re attracted to than they are at figuring out who they can trust.

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