… continued from E-Stalking [Part 1]…
So… I’m minding my business, like I love to do… (my sister’s patented story-opening line)… and I start getting hits from Melissa’s site…
In the first line of her post, Being a Relater, I saw my full name and a link to my site. To this point, I’ve only referred to Melissa by first name in text & tags because I wasn’t sure whether my post was going to become some format of a ‘conversation’ between us or just one post BY me ABOUT her. 🙂 I felt it would have been a Social Media faux pas to encroach on her Google Search results (like my posts love to do). So, since she’s ack’ed me at this point, I’ll mention that her name is Melissa, and as far as I can tell, she’s a prodigy/phenom.
I had intended to go in a different direction with part 2 of E-Stalking, but I hadn’t anticipated her posting about my post, so now I’m compelled to respond to a couple of her points.
he talks about how he didnâ€™t recognize my Twitter name or my real name, and therefore was unable to place me in context. He also mentions thatâ€™s he when he tried several times to draw a connection between us, and found none.
Yes. This happened in the very beginning of when I spoke to her. Most of the time that I go to Social Media events, I’m hanging out with my friends and I meet friends of my friends. I was immediately at a loss, not being able to connect Melissa to someone I had already met, so I believe I reverted to the dreaded “what do you do?”. 🙂 I don’t exactly remember her response, but it was one word. It was probably “marketing”. Whatever it was that she said, the WAY she said it was what was of interest to me.
Most people that you encounter on the meetup circuit are “looking to make a come-up”. IME, they normally connect themselves to the largest, most recognizable company or accomplishment they’ve achieved so far. Whatever Melissa’s one word was, it was delivered with the matter-of-fact-ness of “I do what I do”. She didn’t feel any need to explain her “doing” any more than that. Something about her demeanor indicated a confidence and self-sufficiency about her that made me figure that if she had been from around here, I would have heard of her by now. Since I hadn’t, I believe I asked her if she was from out of town.
… itâ€™s easy for me to tell people what I â€œdo right nowâ€ with any number of simple answers â€” marketing, advertising, search marketing, digital media â€” and much, much more difficult to explain what it is that I â€œdo.â€ Because I do a lot of things.
See, this is what I was talking about. Having so many skillz to “fall back on” makes it so that one doesn’t have to latch onto any particular thing to receive props. If Rob hadn’t told me I should wait and get a new iPhone, I would have already replaced my old-ass phone with the little alien in it that jumps rope and takes baths (don’t ask), and I would have googled her right there on the spot.
… to his credit, he did a very thorough e-stalk on me, and emailed me with all sorts of comments and questions.
haha Yes I did Laugh Out Loud at “thorough e-stalk” hahaha 😀
The way I see it, the net is a place where you can put all sorts of information about yourself, and if it’s not buried too deeply, anyone who’s interested in finding out about you can do so. Also, if they find out things they don’t like, they can eject without ever having to contact you. The reason I say “buried too deeply” is that I have over 300 videos that I’ve posted to the net since 2006 and *I* can’t even find some of my own videos easily! 😀 My cousin asked me the other day “How’s that girl doing that you did the music video in the car with?” and I was like ????? I didn’t even REMEMBER doing a music video in a car.
Anyway… yes. I am an extremely thorough E-Stalker. Depending on my level of intrigue, I will skim every single piece of media that I can find on the internet with your name on it. Everything means something. It’s so interesting to build a psychological profile of someone, pieced together from your guesses about their media and then see how close you come to their actual demeanor and way of being, IRL. 🙂
This makes me quite good at small talk. But it still doesnâ€™t mean I enjoy it by any means.
To me, small-talk is similar to not browsing the other person’s media on the net. It’s like throwing away time. I’d rather say nothing and enjoy my own thoughts than ramble on about some nonsense. Even if someone’s on-topic with me, I’d prefer that they knew what they were talking about, haha. I *can* small-talk… but if I did, I’d be perfectly aware that I was wasting my time as well as theirs.
As a keen observer, I prefer to move around a room, watch how people are interacting, overhear a couple of conversations, and then find one where I can jump in. This is my way of finding context, when it isnâ€™t possible to know something in advance about the person standing in front of me. Plus, the participants in the conversation are already more interested in talking to me than if we had all started cold, because Iâ€™ve made myself relevant to what theyâ€™re already talking about.
I enjoyed reading this paragraph, because this is exactly what Melissa did to me. 🙂 Once I had determined that Jonathan was in twitter contact with Melissa, I knew what I was going to do. I was going to find her the next day in his twitter stream and get my E-Stalk on. 😀 Until that time, I was perfectly content with my current understanding of “who she was”. I knew how tall she was, that she had something to do with marketing, that she was cute and that she spoke English. That’s it. 😀 Oh, and that she had a Twitter account name, which I was currently too inebriated to remember, but knew I was going to get from Jonathan ‘on the morrow’.
At some point, she says something to me about my shirt.
I replied something like “Oh, that’s Renzo Gracie. He’s a fighter”, and expected that to be the end of the conversation… except she goes “I know” to which I raised an eyebrow and listened to her continue about a topic that I’m very interested in. hahaha Excellent Technique! On top of that, it worked on me just like it was supposed to. That conversation went directly to the top of my ‘understandings’ about her, because as she says:
In my experience, people arenâ€™t interested in â€œyou.â€ Theyâ€™re interested in how â€œyouâ€ are interesting to them.
Apparently, Bill wasnâ€™t the only one who didnâ€™t get a full impression of who I am.
I think the important thing is that the impression that I *got* was that there was more to learn about Melissa. I don’t think it’s feasible that I would have gotten the entire picture, IRL. People will type stuff like this, but they won’t rattle it off when they meet you:
Yes, I am in advertising. But Iâ€™m also a geek, a writer, a blogger, an author, a photographer, a photojournalist, a restaurant reviewer, a programmer, a world traveler, a public speaker, a fluent Mandarin Chinese speaker, an entrepreneur, a web and graphic designer, a videographer, an inline speed skater, and probably a lot of other things that Iâ€™m forgetting.
I think the best you can do in a social situation is exude potential. Maybe potential, personality and class. When people ask me what I do, I say “I edit” or “I’m a video editor”. I’m not actually interested in people knowing how good I am at editing or what schools I graduated from or that I’m a world-class XBOX team leader or an ultimate frisbee terror. That’s because I’m not “tryinna make a come-up”. I don’t go out to make business contacts. That’s why I don’t carry “business cards”. I go out to spend time with cool, fun and intelligent people. If we have something in common, let’s chill. If not, let’s not! 😀
Basically, I derived enough from our interaction at that event to consider Melissa someone I’d be googling in the near future… and I think that’s really all the impression one needs to make in this day and time! 😀
Continued in part 3…