Online Dating Tactics

Interestingly enough, both Alana Taylor & Amanda Gravel posted about people’s Facebook rap tactics this week… although their topic is really universally applicable in the world of Social Media.

Alana Taylor & Amanda Gravel

Essentially, Amanda’s post was about how people send friends requests with zero context or explanation of who they are or why they want to be “friends” with her. Alana’s post is about a guy friending her and immediately writing stuff to her that she found creepy:

Alana: “WHATT?? Can you come off as any more of a creep???

I have no idea who this guy is, but he is telling me in a Facebook message that his fantasy is to marry a girl he sees in a picture!?!?!”

hahaha Oh Man! 😀 Online dating is a bad idea to begin with (Especially if she’s a PC-user. Bleech! 🙁 ) But I think the problem here is that the lines have blurred between Social Media sites and online dating sites. I don’t think the fact that Facebook throws people’s relationship status updates on their front page helps either, haha.

I went the other day to the Facebook home page and saw that a friend of mine had broken up with whomever she had been dating. At least that’s what I thought I read, because there was this big, red broken heart in the middle of the page with the caption “Whomever is no longer listed as in a relationship”. Come to find out later that day when I talked to her that she hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend, she had hidden her status entirely. For some odd (read: stupid) reason, that prompts Facebook to issue the announcement “no longer listed as in a relationship”. Um…. WHO CARES? How about NOT announcing that AT ALL, or at least changing the name to something less misleading, such as “Whomever has hidden their relationship status”.

So, since Facebook likes to tell people when other people are single (or show no relationship status at all), it makes sense that single guys are going to hit on single girls and see what they can get. Unfortunately, a lot of guys get their rap tactics from television and movies (which are… SCRIPTED!) and really have nothing intelligent to say to women at all. In this case, these guys should have read “Take her to the Book Store!”, because “You look good” and “I have fantasies about you and me” isn’t gonna cut it. It’s ALSO gonna get your spot blown when you get blogged or twittered about. 😀

ChrissieB: “Men, please listen up, “women talk!” If you ask 1 girl out & DM another girl in her network about a date as well, you will NEVER get a date.”

D-Oh! >-< Another problem with kicking "You look good" as your opener and closer in a rap email is that Social Media chicks spend a considerable amount of time expressing their personalities and ideas online. This allows you to E-Stalk them at your leisure. It’s not like meeting them in the club, where you don’t have a chance to know anything about them EXCEPT for how they look. So… When the only thing you have to tell them is your physical reaction to a picture you saw of them, you’re telegraphing the entire reason you friended them in the first place.

OTOH, it’s disingenuous to “Fake it ’till you Make it”. I’m not saying to hide the fact that you think she’s physically attractive. I’m saying “You look good” has to be ONE of the reasons you wanted to talk to her… not THE ONLY REASON you wanted to talk to her. 😀

Amanda’s post was more generally applicable outside the realm of “the pursuit of happiness”. When you’re going to “friend someone” on Facebook or wherever, it’s usually a good idea to tell them WHY you’re doing that. This is an ESPECIALLY GOOD IDEA if you have no contacts in common with them, whatsoever. Even if you do have a bunch of people in common, that doesn’t mean that you and this other person should be contacts, like for no reason.

I’m definitely guilty of sending out messageless Facebook friend invites. 🙂 However, when I do that, I’m more extending the *opportunity* for someone to be in contact with me than attempting to begin an active dialogue between us. It’s more of an indication, an acknowledgment that I’ve seen Social Media content from that person that I’ve found interesting, cool or educational. I currently have 668 Facebook “friends”. Assuming I were able to remain awake for 24 hours in a row, that means that I could interact with each of them for 2.1556886 minutes per day. Oh… that’s assuming I didn’t interact with anyone from Myspace, LinkedIn, forums, mailing lists, comments on my own site, iChat IMs……. So, for me, friending people on Facebook is more like “Hi. I’ve seen you around. Get in contact if you want to 🙂 “.

However, if your goal is to start up some sort of non-shallow relationship with someone, Amanda’s absolutely right that it REALLY IS a good idea to let them know WHY you’re friending them and don’t make them search all over creation to figure out who you know, what you do and what you feel the value TO YOU is of meeting that person. Also, if your goal is to kick game and get on, realize that “You look good” worked for Richie Cunningham because “Happy Days” was a television show. It was in the script that Richie would do dumb stuff, but get the rap anyway. That stuff doesn’t work IRL and it works even less online. Balance out your approach between what your benefit is to kickin’ it with her and what HER benefit is to kickin’ it with YOU and you’ll have a much better chance not to end up in the tabloids.


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