5 Tips on How To Get A Girlfriend

Now I know that this post I came across is supposed to be humorous… as are some DatingGenius posts… but I think it’s excellent as a case study, so let’s take a quick look at Tristan Miller’s post from 1999, entitled “Why I Will Never Have A Girlfriend”. Basically, Tristan’s breaking down the problem mathematically:

Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5,592,830,000
…who are female: 2,941,118,000
…in “developed” countries: 605,601,000
…currently (in 2000) aged 18 to 25: 65,399,083
…who are beautiful: 1,487,838
…and intelligent: 236,053
…and not already committed: 118,027
…and also might like me: 18,726

MAN, do I love this article! ๐Ÿ˜€ I could read it every day! ๐Ÿ˜€ hahaha

Clearly, here’s the problem, as mentioned in the endnotes & references for the article:

2. รขโ€ โ€˜ After a short period of brooding, of course, these males will eventually come to the realization that the real reason they were never able to get a girlfriend is that they were too discriminating with their attentions.

As I mentioned in “Life Isn’t Fair”, all guys are not ENTITLED to a girlfriend. We also aren’t all lucky enough to live in New York City, where you can’t throw a rock without hitting a chick. So, it’s possible that due to the combination of a lack of available females and a lack of your being better than the next man (who always pulls the fly chicks before you do), that you find yourself in a similar situation, where it seems like there’s no way out. However… There’s CERTAINLY a way around this problem. All you have to do is…


That’s it! Problem solved! ๐Ÿ˜€ All of a sudden, there are hundreds… THOUSANDS of chicks newly available to you, and you get to pass your genes into the next generation! ๐Ÿ˜€

Here are five (5) tips on how to enhance your dating life by lowering your standards. Apply any one of these tips and watch your “dance card” fill up! ๐Ÿ™‚ ***NOTE*** Only apply ONE of these tips at a time! :O Combining two or more of them has been known to lead to severe depression as well as plummeting self-esteem.

1. Consider dating girls that do not have an ass.

Yes. I know. I know. ๐Ÿ™ This is amazingly drastic, and I really should have saved it for last, but since most people can’t read, I wanted to get it out on the table before they click away to some stupid video about Monster Trucks. This is really… I mean… You DON’T want to do this, but if you really find yourself on the bottom of the totem pole, where fewer than 20,000 chicks on the planet would want to date you, it’s time to pull out the stops. So that’s tip #1. Date her even though she doesn’t have an ass. This will IMMEDIATELY double your dating options… unless you live in Boston, which means your options quadruple.

***NOTE*** Only try this tip with girls that are really, really, really, REALLY CUTE, so at least you enjoy looking at them from the front. ๐Ÿ˜€

2. Consider dating girls that are grossly out of shape.

This society has a really stupid policy of not differentiating between girls that happen to be thicker than other girls, yet are still in proper shape/proportion… and chicks that are actually obese. A chick that’s heavier but still shapely can still be physically attractive. The problems occur when you’re scratching your head like “hmm… that’s not supposed to curve in that direction ๐Ÿ™ “. However, as the saying goes… “Beggars can’t be Choosers”, so you might have to take one for the team this time. Think of it this way… You don’t have to worry about guys kicking it to your girl at the restaurant when you step off to the bathroom.

This is especially useful if YOU aren’t in good shape. I mean, “fair’s fair”, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

3. Consider dating a facially unattractive chick.

This is a REALLY BAD IDEA unless people tend to grow on you… and FAST! Being that this isn’t the Middle East, you’re going to have a really hard time convincing her to cover her entire face, except for her eyes.

image from “Fashion Freedom – Women’s Wear in the Middle East”

Fortunately, those large, gaudy sunglasses are in style now, so you can probably get over by making sure she wears the biggest shades you can find… well, at least until Summer’s over.

Also, you’ll need to practice getting around your crib in the dark so you don’t have to turn on the lights when she comes over.

Again, this is a REALLY bad idea, and usually completely unsustainable unless she has a totally bangin’ body, so let’s just forget about this one unless you need it for a REALLY rainy day.

4. Consider dating a complete imbecile.

I know. I know… You’re wondering “Now.. How am I supposed to know she’s an idiot?”. Well… You’re going to have to actually talk to her… and then, when you’re finished talking, you have to actually LISTEN to her response and check to see if what she said makes any sense. Now, normally, when you find out she’s a dummy, it’s like “…gave her a token and said ‘Shalom’!” (Shalom, being a word in Hebrew that means “Peace”, which is U.S. slang for “GOOD-BYE!” ๐Ÿ˜€ ) But, let’s not be hasty. Let’s consider the upside to dating a chick with an IQ in the double-digits.

You don’t have to be very intelligent to outsmart her.
She’s likely to forget that she did the dishes last night and do them again tonight.
She’ll let her sister stay over your house while she works the night shift @ the bowling alley.

hmm… That’s about it. ๐Ÿ™ Generally, dumb chicks are more trouble than they’re worth.

5. Consider dating girls that do not like you.

Guys do this all the time. All you need is a fancy car or a yacht or something. Just get something she can’t afford, and she’ll hang out with you so she can be seen in and around your property. ๐Ÿ™‚

***NOTE*** With chicks like this, be sure to keep your Condom Game tight… Other guys own stuff, too.




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  1. LOL. How about rasing ur standards to stooopid levels! ther is always that one chick who is heads and shoulders above the rest! easy to spot, the one NO GUYS are approaching because she seems to be out of everyones league! while everyone else is scheming, just say hi!! take from there. I never been the best looking or thinnest dude in the room, but I have managed more than my share of “how the f*ck did he pull that” encounters!! shart and ong term dating!!!

  2. Wow!!!! I really feel like shi* now. Not only did I try to go out with one of the most unattractive girls in the whole school, she was boney and grossly out of shape, and she got a bf before I could even touch a girl.

    1. Hey Matt. Thanks for the comment. ๐Ÿ™‚

      If you would like to expand on your statement, I’ll be able to give you an opinion on the actual situation.

      From what you typed, make sure you realize that busted chicks can be stuck up as well. Just because a chick’s unattractive doesn’t mean she’s not going to be choosey or stick to her guns about wanting a certain “type” of guy.

      I’ve seen this with guys too… It’s like when they should actually be happy with whatever chick is willing to kick it with them, they keep swinging for the fences and going for the better-looking girls that don’t want to have anything to do with them.

      So, being rejected by a busted chick, even though it HURTS! hahaha… That doesn’t say anything about YOU at all.

      Also, by your statement “touch a girl”, you’re in one of those generic states where you’re trying to get on AT ALL. That’s a tough situation for guys to be in. You’ll feel more relaxed… actually WAY more relaxed after you finally tag up for the first time.

      “Touch a girl” might also be part of the problem with your rap, if there IS a problem at all. Going into situations thinking that way gives you an impersonal air that chicks don’t really dig. They’d rather think that YOU think there’s something special about them.. not that they’re walking life support for the, eh, you know. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Good Luck.

  3. Love what u have online.. I have tried most of the girls u listed… The one that was the most and was not on your list was the one on meds or well a few dollars short of a 6-pack or two.

    As for the out of your league chick is awesome – did that too. But… I have a question about the stalker chick… oh i had one of those and well she was difficult to throw off. Plus the meds did not help… lol but heck will follow u on your blog – i was just enjouying reading each of these topics u write. I have done some of the not having sex with the busted chick… good tips! I am writing those down. lol thanks Bill

    1. Hey Shawn. Thanks for the props. ๐Ÿ˜€ Glad you’re enjoying / learning / contributing, haha ๐Ÿ˜€

      “Funny” that you mention wackos, because I’ve been watching a lot of “Reality Television” lately, and just about EVERY SINGLE PERSON has some kind of jacked up background that they bring to the table that occurred before they were even in their 20s. I had never realized or considered actual mental imbalance as being a prevalent issue, but you’re absolutely right and it’s something I have on my list to blog about.

      As far as stalker chicks, what you have to do is a) make sure they don’t live anywhere near you, b) don’t bring them around your way and c) have decoy contacts. I learned this waaaaaay back in the day. You don’t want random chicks having your actual number because you don’t want to have to change it every time some chick freaks out.

      oh.. Also, as FOYINE as they might be, don’t kick it to chicks where you currently work or where you want to work because they’ll be right there to cockblock you whenever they see you with a different chick. hmm… I might have to add THIS topic to the list as well! haha Cheers! ๐Ÿ˜€

      1. Yeah well I had a stalker and well she was on meds. Everytime i see “2 and half men” and Charlie has rose as his stalker… well i had that situation…

        She was across the way, so i know what u mean about the not going with chicks from your neighborhood, work, gym. I went out with her and well i dropped her after a couple incidents… Turns out she had PTSD and well that was not fun – as she was former army and was over there.

        As for the phone number situation – i hate facebook – as that is should be another topic – as most of my friends know who and what i deal with. I never post my numbers on fb – and even screen people – as u know some times stalkers pose as other people to look at your profile – or get intel as my stalker told me… but thats enough of back in the day – which was 3 weeks ago lol thanks bill hope i inspire u to write a couple more topics…LOL

        1. Fascinating about the PTSD dude. I never considered that as something guys would have to deal with coming from women. I know a lot of gals have to deal with that from guys that were in wars.

          It’s kind of “funny” how Social Media allows us to connect to each other so much more and simultaneously makes us screen each other so much more. It’s not like back in the day when you messed with a chick and never saw her or heard from her ever again in life. Now, you’re liable to have a couple hundred mutual friends with her and you wouldn’t be able to escape her in Zimbabwe! ๐Ÿ˜€

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