Lindsey & Bill: Does He Want To Be Friends?

Lindz from NNN / Tumblr joins me for a conversation about the ifs and whens of guys being friends with girls…..

B: So… Every Day, there’s some chick that’s completely confused as to whether some guy that she knows wants to be “friends” with her.

This happens in both directions… There are chicks that WANT to date guys, but they can’t tell if that guy’s physically attracted to them… And there are chicks that DON’T want to date guys, but they can’t tell whether those guys are NOT just tryinna get in their pants.

I’ll start off with the high percentage answer to whether a guy wants to be friends with a chick……


This means that if a chick wants to give him some, he’ll most likely take it, regardless of what he told you when you asked him directly. Does that mean you’re in a “relationship” with him? No. Does that mean he’s going to iChat you tomorrow? No. All it means is that he finds you physically attractive, and under the correct circumstances, he’d be very glad to “tap that, sunnnnnn”.

L: You see, though, if she’s hot and you know that she’s outta your league, or maybe she’s the plain Jane next door that still won’t get with you, even though you’re the hottest guy to ever talk to her, don’t get discouraged. You can totally use this in your favor. One word: Wingwoman.

B: As with every rule, there are exceptions. Here they are:

1) He’s not physically attracted to you.

B: If he’s not tryinna hit that, it’s easy to be friends with you, because there’s no pressure. No sexual tension. There’s nothing for him to gain or lose by not pressing up on you. Hanging out with you is the exact same thing as hanging out with any other chick, or a guy.  *yawn*

L: True. Very true. However, a girls attractability (is this a word? I think so) can grow depending on her personality. She can be a total goon and then you get to know her and all of a sudden she’s a supermodel knockout. Ok maybe I went too far, but you get the point.

B: Excellent point, Lindz… This is actually something chicks have to look out for that I wasn’t thinking about. That’s when there’s a changeover from not-hittable to hittable and what gets really confusing to chicks, when a guy that never paid them any physical attention’s suddenly talkin’ ’bout “Say… I lost the directions to my house… Can I borrow yours? πŸ˜€ “.

2) He’s not physically attracted to you.

B: Really… This is just about the only reason he wouldn’t tap that. πŸ˜€

L: In most cases, yes I’d agree. But with a few beers or maybe like 10.. the possibilities are endless.

B: Actually, this is ANOTHER great exception that I wasn’t thinking about. Similar to how there are people that never smoke… unless they’re drinking… There are guys that won’t be attracted to certain chicks AT ALL until they don their “Beer Goggles”. This can be INCREDIBLY confusing for women, as the same guy that’s all over them the night before isn’t even trying to touch them at brunch the next afternoon. πŸ™‚

3) You’re dating a friend of his.

B: There are only two things you have to remember as an American male, and they both amount to the exact same thing. Those are:

Blood is thicker than water
Bros before Hoes

This means that there’s an infinite number of chicks. They’re always making more. There’s no reason to kick it to your friend’s girlfriend. Keep your eyes on the prize! πŸ˜€ If you like your friend’s girl, just focus on the fact that you can get a chick more attractive than she is, sexier than she is, smarter than she is and more nymphomaniacal than she is.

L: Plus, going for your friend’s “leftovers” as I like to call it, makes you lazy. Get off your ass and go find someone for yourself. Don’t just look around the room sayin, OK I think I’ll take her, she’s the closest person to me and the hottest looking girl within eyesight. With that kind of attitude, you’ll get far in life. *Sarcasm*

B: True Dat! πŸ™‚ As a sportsman, you should be trying to get your own raps, not leech off of your boys… At the very least, make sure it SOMEBODY ELSE’S GIRL, not some guy you actually know… Sheesh! :/

4) He doesn’t like women at all.

B: Especially in New York City, you could look like Stacy Dash, and there’ll be a ton of dudes that AREN’T tryinna hit it! :O


L: True, this can happen a lot in LA too so beware. And if you are hanging out with someone and you aren’t sure, start being more observant. Does he wear pink converse? Does he buy women’s jeans? Does he frequently invite his best friend, Big Gay Al over and then insist that he’s sleeping on the floor of his room, then keeps the door locked with music blasting all night. Hmm.

5) You have something in common.

B: See, guys are friends with girls for the same reason they’re friends with guys… They Have Something In Common. Stop and think right now about what you have in common with the guy that you’re thinking about and wondering whether he’s actually a friend of yours. If you can’t figure out what you have in common…….. He’s just waiting to hit it. πŸ˜€

L: Things in common that don’t count: breathing, living in the same city, working, eating meals frequently, showering, etc.

B: Most guys aren’t smart enough to make something up in common with you, so they just OK everything that you have to say. If you like a certain singer, he likes it, too. If you don’t like a certain type of food, he doesn’t either. If you wouldn’t be caught “dead” in a party in Brooklyn, neither would he! πŸ˜€

L: Here’s another first hand example. If you love music and he loves to surf and all you talk about music and all he talks about is surfing, then both your conversation is one sided. If you’re not interested, you better make it clear, because this loser is just waiting to hit a wave. No pun intended.

B: This is where “E-Stalking” comes in handy. If you E-Stalk a guy, you can find out what he’s into before he finds out what YOU’RE into and figures out how to ! πŸ˜€

L: And with today’s technology, who doesn’t stalk? Before I started writing this blog with Bill, I already knew that he has one sister, grew up in Manhattan, is an Emmy Award-winner and his favorite color is blue. Now its up to you, do some research!

Lindz & Bill

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  1. I agree. The only time a guy really just wants to be friends is if a girl dating/dated one of his friend, she is completely repulsive (unlikely because for most guys that is an embarrassingly low standard), or he is into other dudes.
    If a moderately attractive girl is friends with a guy he never Γ’β‚¬ΛœjustÒ€ℒ wants to be friends, and given the opportunity he will want to do her (even if he doesnÒ€ℒt admit it). ThatÒ€ℒs not to say he doesnÒ€ℒt think she is smart/funny/cool etc. It just means he also wants her.

    1. Don’t know how I missed this. Sorry for the late reply, Ces.

      Yeah, Totally… The only reason a guy is going to be “just” friends with a chick is if he’s not attracted to her. If he IS attracted to her, then if the circumstances arise where she wants to give him some, he’s gonna take it.. Most times, with NO. QUESTIONS. ASKED! πŸ˜€

      The problem is that there’s too much emphasis placed on this by society. Since it’s supposed to be a big deal that a guy wants to hook up with a chick, guys play it off like they don’t. This often leads to nothing at all, but sometimes leads to bad situations when a gal doesn’t realize that her “friend” is going to screw her the very first chance he gets and lets her guard down around him.

      So, It’s best to roll with the general rule that if a chick is anywhere, slightly, REMOTELY near his “type”, he’s gonna hit it if he can.

    1. Ive known this man for 20 years, infact he is younger than me and I fixed he and his soon to be X wife up. She is left him for another man.
      He called me as a friend, we have talked. I ask him here for Dinner, he always thanks me for Dinner, and we just talk.
      Now he has started talking dirty, we have had sex, and he says he wants to be friends. Is this possible?
      Im a widow my husband died.

      1. Hey Karen. Thanks for the question. πŸ™‚

        Basically, my point is that there are two different things going on here and people think it’s one thing.

        People can be friends and not have sex.
        People can have sex and not be friends.
        People can be friends and also have sex.

        So the answer to whether it’s possible that he wants to be friends with you is “yes”. The answer to will he attempt to have sex with you whenever he’s turned on by you is “yes”.

  2. hey if im trying to figure out how to get to the chick who works on the 5th floor and i ask you, I don’t care what it takes to get YOU… We friends, help me nail that!!!!! LOL If Im taking more than im giving/asking, sweety we friends!! or ask me again after that ONE chicken wing, 5th beer, 3 patron shots, 1 bacardi, and several of them yagger-whatever the f-ck they called…Friends may seem so distant at that point. πŸ™‚

    Hey, your Sis put me on to this, you dudes are funny! (sorry, you guy and girl). you can delete this part if you can.

  3. Hey Bill,
    I am back. I need some advice. Got a guy that I met on OKcupid (yeah I know) anyway we have been talking since April 8, 2009. 2-3 times a week, sometimes I see the phone number and wont pick up…. This is still April right…well anyway he lives in Ca and wants to travel to see me. (I made plans that I am keeping before I met him to go to the midwest because its way to hot here). Well I had told him he can come here but that he should make sure I am home so then he said well how about Memorial Day weekend. I said fine but that make sure you make hotel/motel arrangements along with your planning to come here and he said he would. Now I am getting cold feet.
    I have a support system in place loads of friends here to tell where I will be or go with this guy when he ends up here. Will definitely take him around friends for bbq/parties. Somehow I just know he is coming. I told him last night that I am not available except to date. (no marriage or move in’s with me). He is a newbie to dating interracially. first one he says. so we wait and see……
    and no I am not impressed that he is coming to see me, men travel for sex, this I know.

    1. Hey Tina πŸ™‚

      I’m not sure where the part is that you need advice on. It seems to me that some guy’s coming to visit you with the intention (as you noted) of tappin’ that, and you’re going to spend time with him and take him to meet your friends, but you’re not going to sleep with him (meaning sleep, thus, he needs hotel reservations).

      All I can say here is “Have a good time and get yourZ!” πŸ˜€

      The only potential pitfall here is if you told him to get a hotel room so BOTH OF YOU can stay there. Until you feel you “know him like that”, that’s not a good idea at all, regardless of how many friends you told whom you were hanging out with and where you were going to be.

  4. Aaah Bill, I can always count on you to shatter any illusions…and that’s a good thing. Thank you my friend…

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