Top 10 Mistakes Girls Make When Trying To Get A Guy

L: There are millions (and counting) of girls out there who are single. Some of them prefer to be single, but for the most part, they just can’t get a guy. Why? These girls are eligible bachelorettes, good looking, have a career and (for the most part) aren’t crazy. They are just breaking some simple rules when trying to get a guy. And that’s probably because they don’t realize they are making these obvious mistakes. My advice? Follow the rules and it should be smooth sailing from here on out.

1) Looking in all the wrong places

L: It’s Friday night and you’re all dressed up to head to the coolest bar or as I like to call it, “frat boy feeding grounds.” This is your first indication that you’re in the wrong place. The second indication is that guys are fist pumping while dancing to “My Humps” and any other song by R. Kelly. These guys are classy. Real classy. Do you want to hook up with these guys? Probably not. So why are you there? You’re better off meeting someone doing something you like i.e. Museums, concerts, Art galleries or even a lounge. Already you’ll have something to talk about and eliminate the problem of meeting Mr. Douchebag who you’ll have to talk to for at least 7 minutes when he buys you a drink and then force him off of you because he’s too drunk to even have a proper conversation. I’ll explain the 7 minute rule later.

B: Spot-On, hahaha I can always tell what kind of girls are going to be in a spot by the kinds of guys I see there. Maybe there’s some variety when a place first opens, but eventually, the bar achieves a certain “personality”, and the same type of people tend to flock to it. The more these people show up, the less OTHER people show up, because it becomes less their scene. Eventually, places become known for certain types of guys that go there. Once that happens, girls who are into those types of guys go to those places… and girls that DON’T like those types of guys avoid those places.

The problem occurs when it’s “girls’ night out” and one of your homegirls picks a bar with the types of guys SHE likes, but not the types YOU like. If this is the case, make sure you rotate who gets to choose the venue! πŸ˜€

Meeting someone doing something you like is a way better option, because you definitely have something in common and even if you don’t want to go to a museum and see who shows up there, there are online groups like where people figure out what interests they share and then make plans to get together IRL.

2) Giving them your number and expecting them to call

L: If a guy asks for your number, OK give it to him. There’s about a 35% chance that he’ll call. But don’t just shove your number in his pocket (or better yet, write it on his hand) and expect him to call. That screams, SLUT! Here’s you’re first mistake. You’re too aggressive. Half the fun is the chase and if you put yourself out there like that, you’re coming across as too easy. Guys don’t like that. If guys wanted an easy girl, he’d go to the local strip club or pick up the first girl on the corner of the street. At least he wouldn’t have to waste his time conversing with you. Anyway, these aren’t the guys that you’re going for, right? You’re to classy for that kind of shit.

B: That’s just the thing. If you give a guy your number when he didn’t ask you for it, he’s either thinking that you’re sweating him or that you give your number to everybody. If he was planning on calling you anyway, then good for you for indicating that you like him also. If he WASN’T planning on calling you, he’ll still take your number, just in case. So if he doesn’t crumple it up and discard it after you walk away, you *might* get a call after he runs down the list of chicks he ACTUALLY wanted to hang out with that night.

Your best bet is to make him so interested in you that he’s DYING to get your number before letting you out of his sight. πŸ˜‰

3) Allowing the guys to buy you unlimited drinks

L: Now I talked about my 7 minute rule above. If a guy buys you a drink, he’s entitled to 7 minutes of your time. This doesn’t mean that you’re only worth 7 minutes, it’s just the rule. SO first off, be prepared to talk to him for at least 7 minutes. After the first drink if you want to “buy yourself” another 7 minutes, YOU buy the next round of drinks. You don’t want to seem needy and cheap, do you? If he keeps buying you drinks all night, that just shows that you are unable or unwilling to be independent and need taking care of. This give him the upper hand in the relationship and it’s not a good way to start. You make your own money, you can buy things. After all, didn’t Beyonce sing about how great it is to be an Independent Woman? I thought so.

B: lol @ 7 minute rule! πŸ˜€ This is very true that guys tend to buy women’s time. You have to think about it like a business. A beer plus tip in Manhattan’s around $7, so that means by using Lindz’s style, you’re getting paid $1/minute to talk with him. That’s pretty good, considering you’d be getting paid ~ $6/minute to give him a one-song length lap dance, and you get to keep your clothes on! πŸ˜€

However, if you don’t eject after 7 minutes, you’re only worth pennies per minute, and that’s not cool. πŸ™

Buying the next round is what separates “the women from the girls” as it were. Buying drinks isn’t about keeping your money in your own pocket…. It’s about spreading goodwill. You’re doing a favor for someone that you like. By not reciprocating when he buys you drinks, not only do you NOT look independent… He’s stacking up favors that he’s going to want returned in other ways later that evening. I’m not saying he DESERVES what he’s going to request… Just don’t be surprised when it happens… AGAIN.

4) Talking about boring shit

L: If you just meet a guy, this is the time to let him know how awesome you are. Talk about something interesting (stay away from politics and religion), not something boring. If the first sentence that comes out of your mouth is, “I got these new shoes that I have been wanting and they were on sale at Bloomies.” all he’s going to hear is, “I got these new shoes and I’m so self absorbed, no wonder I am single.” ::scans eyes around the room for another potential girl who isn’t boring as hell::. See what I mean? Don’t be boring. Girls, you know what that means.

B: No doubt. Talking to him is how you express your personality and intelligence. If you squander that opportunity, he’s gonna see you as T&A and relate to you as such.

Also, make sure you’re original and not derivative. You want him to consider you a thinker and someone unpredictable… Not someone who’s going to regurgitate what she read in the paper on the way to work that morning. :/

5) Hitting on other guys at the same time

L: So you’re talking to a guy and then he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. The conversation is going really well. Then another guy sits on the other side of you and offers to buy you a drink. Say NO. No matter how much you want this other drink (you lush), that is disrespectful to the first guy. He’s going to come back from the bathroom and see you scamming on some other guy and think wow, she’s a slut. This is not a good impression. At least wait until the first guy has left the bar! Have some respect for you and for him! You can’t go two-timing guys and expect them to both want you still. Do you know what the ratio of single girls to guys are? Let’s just say that you don’t have the advantage!

B: I guess this is the flip side of the 7-minute rule, which is “if you’re enjoying yourself, allot as much time as you like with hanging out with the same guy”. Yeah, if you’re already in a good conversation, don’t let it get derailed by the next man tryinna get on. Just let him know that you appreciate it, but you’re waiting for your friend to come back. However, like Lindz said… If dude #1 breaks out… ANYTHING GOES! πŸ˜€

6) Thinking that something that looked good on the mannequin looks good on you

B: Unless you have the same shape as the mannequin, get a second opinion before taking that top or those jeans to the register! πŸ˜€ Great-looking shoes, but you don’t know how to walk in them?…. Leave them at the store. If you can’t walk in them NOW, wait until you’re stumbling out of a bar with your drunk homegirls.

Also, if you’re wearing a top and you have to pull it down every three minutes…. it doesn’t fit. Either be happy it sits where it sits on your body or BUY.THE.NEXT.SIZE.UP! πŸ˜€

L: I agree… make sure you look presentable. Less is more. And also a quick tip when you’re shopping – if it doesn’t look good on the mannequin, it won’t look good on you.

7) Assuming he likes you for your mind when you haven’t said JACK yet

B: This is so dumb, and chicks do this every single day. πŸ™‚ If do you think a guy likes you for your mind…. Think back and make a list of the things that you’ve said that have impressed him. The things you’ve said that were witty? That were cool? That showed you were down to earth?

If you can’t figure out why he’s impressed with you mentally…. he probably isn’t. πŸ™‚

L: Absolutely. And this goes back to #4. If you have this problem, then maybe you should think about things you’d like to say before you go out…just so you don’t end up pulling stuff out of your ass when you’re talking to the guy and sounding even dumber than you think you do. Think before you speak.

8) Calling a guy your boyfriend before he actually is

B: A lot of times, the first guy that expresses interest in a chick is handed the title “boyfriend”. At the very least, she says “I’m seeing someone”. You don’t want to declare this too early, because you’ll be biased against guys that are just as good for you or BETTER, merely because they kicked it to you AFTER the first guy. Who loses in this situation? YOU! πŸ˜€

If you stay with a guy that you like less than this new guy, you lose. If you dump a guy that you just agreed to devote your life to a week later for some guy you never saw in life before, you get talked about. Avoid all this by spending time with people that you like and handing out titles when you HONESTLY feel like you’re going to stay with this person. Don’t give out titles just so you feel decently about yourself when you talk to friends and family so you can say “I have somebody! :D”.

L: My advice is go with the flow. If things are going great, why do you need a title? I have some friends who NEED a title. But think about this: Would you rather be married to someone who you absolutely can’t stand or casually dating someone who you love and have a great time with? Titles don’t matter if you’re having a good time.

9) Asking girls that don’t know JACK about guys for advice

B: Obviously, Lindz knows what she’s talking about which is why I enjoy writing with her….

If a chick you know has more experience with guys than you do, that doesn’t necessarily mean she can help YOU with YOUR love life. πŸ™‚ Try to pay attention to her track record. How many kids does she have because of “pull-out method”? How many guys is it *possible* that this new pregnancy’s from? Does she have any real-world examples of how the advice she’s giving YOU has worked for HER?…..

Depending on her personal track record, you might want to ignore her advice. :/

Thanks Bill. But seriously, it really helps to take advice from someone you trust. This reminds me of this song by Mya,

“If you’ve been divorced more than twice
And you wanna give advice about my love life
Oh no you can just forget that
I don’t need that
So you can just go ahead and keep that
And if you always lookin a mess
But yet you wanna tell me how to dress
Oh no I don’t wanna hear that
I won’t take that
So you can just go ahead and save that”

10) Acting / Dressing sexier than you really are

B: This is gonna backfire on you BIG-TIME. You’ll get all the attention and get the drinks bought, and the guys will want to “dance” with you… but when it comes down to it, they’re going to expect you to be as sensual in private as you made out to be in public. If you don’t want guys to react to you that way, don’t play that role. Dress however you feel. So long as you feel like you look good (to yourself), and you’re expressing your personality (if that’s one of your wardrobe goals), don’t worry about not getting so much attention from the guys. The attention you DO get is going to be from guys that like you AS-IS.

L: Ahhh! I have a great story about this. My guy friend *Matt started to date my friend *Susie. He’d met her once and then developed a friendship over MySpace with her. She had pictures when she was 15lbs skinnier wearing lingerie. Of course she did not look like that in real life. After one night of hooking up with her, he woke up the next morning and said, “What’s with the pictures on MySpace? That’s false advertising.”

My point is, go with what you’re comfortable with, like Bill said. If you don’t like wearing a shit-ton of make-up, don’t. This shows that you’re happy with who you are and you are comfortable around them. And that means a lot.

Until next time, be smart, be savvy and be yourself!

Lindz & Bill

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58 thoughts on “Top 10 Mistakes Girls Make When Trying To Get A Guy”

  1. I think you forgot 2 very important “mistakes” many woman make.
    1)Regardless of what your friends say, if you are interested, ACT IT! Many a guy has walked away because the girl was doing the fashionably indifferent thing. 2)I don’t care to talk about your ex or compare his “misdeeds” to anything that i may do/have done.

  2. @Frank: Thanks for the comments. πŸ™‚

    I agree with both of your statements. We didn’t “forget” the mistakes, we simply limited ourslves to TEN mistakes that women make! πŸ˜‰

    Women should DEFINITELY act interested if they actually are. Ladies, “playing hard to get” usually maans you’re not gonna “GET GOT!”… YA HEARD? πŸ˜€

    Also, like Frank says… Keep all that extra sob-story stuff to yourselves about what happened to you and how you got played, etc. Guys want to hang out with you to have a good time. If you need therapy, hit my paypal account, then lay down on the couch! πŸ˜€

  3. Okay,

    To give you a context of where I’m coming from here. I’m quite successful with women, maybe a player, but usually every week I score 1-3 numbers from chicks I meet around.

    Now personally, I never buy a girl a drink. WHY? I refuse to ‘buy’ a girls time, her time is priceless and if i’m desperate enough to ‘buy’ a girls time, I can in a dark alley anytime I like.

    Secondly not buying her a drink demonsrates I’m not like all the drunk/desperate idiots that have been hitting on her all night, I’m talking to her and thats enough, or in other words, I can entertain her just fine just with my company. Powerful.

    After we’ve made friends a little more or are having coffee for the first time, sure I’ll pay for a drink. But not in a whole massive ‘OMG I’M PAYING’ SCENE. Just casual as if you’re doing it just to be polite. Gallantry is back boys.

    “If the first sentence that comes out of your mouth is, Ò€œI got these new shoes that I have been wanting and they were on sale at Bloomies.Ò€ all heÒ€ℒs going to hear is, Ò€œI got these new shoes and IÒ€ℒm so self absorbed, no wonder I am single.Ò€”

    No, us guys don’t read into comments like this the way women do. I myself read this interpret it as ‘She’s just saying something that first came into her head as I’d expect her to’. Why would I expect her to?

    Simply because she’s a little anxious. There’s pressure when a guy approaches a girl, even if he knows what he’s doing, he could be a threat to her, he could embarass her, he could get her hopes up and even drop them. More importantly, he could be the ONE she’s looking for, so of course she’s going to be anxious. Duh.

    (And to be honest, if she told me that I’d be glad. Sets me up perfectly for a ‘I bet you can’t even reach over the bar without those heels on!’).

    This kind of humour may seem weird, but if you do it with a slight smile and the right voice tone, she’ll understand you’re joking. Most girls get a big giggle when I start with this kinda humour. Even she doesn’t get it, its a perfect ‘do you have a sense of humour?’ test.

    As a guy, its my role to relax, so she can relax, and make her laugh. Basically, right from the start I try to link the thought of myself in her mind to good feelings. (Me—> good times, happy feelings).

    The statistic of a guys chances of calling being 35%…I’d like to see some data. I know that sounds very skeptical but in my experience I call every girl who’s number I get.

    If I don’t call its due to (1) I was so drunk I became desperate and don’t find her attractive or (2) She stopped smiling.

    Ladies, when you’re talking to a guy who you wouldn’t mind giving your number to. For godsake SMILE. I’d go for a less attractive woman who smiles over a supermodel with the ‘I’m pissed off’ look anyday. Smiles are cute, they show you’re happy and not gunna be a grumpy pain in the ass.

    I think as a chick, if you feel like dressing hell sexy. Go for it. Sure some guys are gunna expect you to be a slut, but you’re probably not looking for those kinda guys anyway.

    Concerning the “mind part”. You got it spot on. Guys are direct logical creatures. On the first few meets, its your hips, boobs, ass and face that count. Ouch reality hurts huh.

    From my personal experience, I let her divludge her personality in her own time. For the first few dates I hang back and just let her get comfortable with my precense and get her used to the way I do things. (E.g. stopping before a door so I can open it instead of rolling right on it).

    Both of your personalities will take time to get to know. So RELAX. Focus on having a good time together.

    And to my final point. Don’t be a guy’s mum. Guys are looking for a wife, not a mum. They already have a mum, and she nags enough let alone two of them.

    If there’s anything you’d like more info on, feel free to email me. This has been a rather brief overview of a HUGE range of topics thats taken me years to learn.

    Please feel free to disagree, my points are rather general, not always the answer in every situation.

    1. I think Scott is absolutely right, girls should be themselves, RELAX, and go for the guys that like them as is. Too many women rely on looks just to pick a guy (even if they look sexy, some will be a complete ass).

      Girls should definitely not wear a hell ton of makeup, it sometimes makes the guy think you are gorgeous, when possibly you are hiding hideousness. You could wake up enact to a sexy as hell guy(who went to bed with you thinking you were hot) and he could see you face without the makeup and think “what did I do! I fell asleep with a monster!” He will run and you will lose him. Don’t fool men about your looks, it’s just harsh and unnecessary. Let a guy like you for you.

      Seriously women these days

      1. And I am a woman too. Must say a lot about what I posted. Doesn’t it.

        I’m not saying I’m perfect either, just saying some women I may know are real bitches and do all the wrong things. Just trying to help stop the madness. Until next time. Cya!:)

  4. Hey Scott. πŸ™‚ Those are a bunch of great tips. Thanks for the comment.

    I’m not a statistics person either. I think the chances of a girl getting a call from a guy are based on each individual circumstance.

    Personally, I never number close. I can’t be bothered with getting a chick’s number because I’m always meeting new ones. I’ll probably meet more when I go outside right now after replying to your comment.

    Having said that… If that were my style, it would be 100% that I’d call her. By the time I’ve decided I want her contact information, I’ve decided that she’s unique and I have more to talk to her about or there’s DEFINITELY something I want to do with her. πŸ™‚ I’m more likely to give her MY contact info and skate. These days, I just tell chicks to “Google Bill”, because I’m currently entry #9 out of 551,000,000 pages. (551 Million)

    Interesting idea also about letting her “divulge her personality in her own time”. For me, if I didn’t assess her personality on the spot when we first met each other, I wouldn’t have number closed her and there wouldn’t have been any “dates” for us to go on, haha πŸ˜€

    Thanks again for the great tips, Scott! πŸ™‚

  5. scott is spot on, he probably has studied a lot of social dynamics! A lot of the things posted were pretty bs and i wouldnt listen to em…

  6. man i just read this and the top 10 for guys to me its so simple to get a guy but i know what we think about at first is a girls appearance otherwise how else would u find out about her?

    1. Right. If a guy isn’t into how a gal looks, it’s all over before it gets started.

      However, women in general seem to have different goals in “getting guys” than guys have in “getting girls”. It’s like something to do.. A sport. You’re good at it or you’re not. You have natural advantages or you don’t. You strive to learn and become better or you don’t.

      For that reason, it actually IS difficult for women to get a guy they actually like. I’ll agree that it’s easy for gals to pull ANY-guy, meaning like the lowest common denominator of males that are willing to hook up with her. That’s a done deal. πŸ™‚

  7. Frank mentioned not having the gift of gab in the message board for the top 10 mistakes guys make. I think that one applies just as much to girls if not more. Usually guys are the ones in pursuit so they are rarely at a loss for words.
    -“If the first sentence that comes out of your mouth is, Ò€œI got these new shoes that I have been wanting and they were on sale at Bloomies.Ò€ all heÒ€ℒs going to hear is, Ò€œI got these new shoes and IÒ€ℒm so self absorbed, no wonder I am single.Ò€ Well I can’t speak for all other guys, but personally I love it when a girl can immediately start opening herself up with whatever is on her mind. It lets me know she is interested in talking and isn’t going to resort to typical generic bullshit. It also takes the pressure off me to have to try too hard to keep the conversation going. Idk maybe I’m just weird like that.
    Girls, just as Frank mentioned to the guys, saying “yeah”, “cool”, “haha”, “interesting”, among other one word responses to what a guy says does NOT keep a conversation going! Asking too many questions does not help either. I want to talk to a girl who is going to be my partner and/or companion, not my therapist. Believe it or not ladies, it is okay to talk about yourself. If I’m going through the trouble of buying you a drink and sitting down next to you and conversing, then hell yeah I want to know about who you are. I do agree that being too self-absorbed is not a positive trait either. There needs to be a happy medium.

    1. Also, if a guy makes the effort to call and leave a voicemail message, never ever respond with a text. It is inconsiderate and cowardly. I immediately delete the number of any girl who does that.

    2. Hey Robert. Thanks for the comments. πŸ™‚

      I agree entirely that gals need to concentrate more on what makes them ACTUALLY interesting instead of what THEY think is interesting about themselves.

      Nobody cares that she just bought shoes unless a) they look HAWT on her and b) she’s planning to wear them tonight to come see you. We don’t care where they came from or how much they cost (except for husbands, of course, who have to absorb their wives’ spending habits out of either their own pocket or the family joint account) or what her thought process was in deciding to purchase them.

      Also, women need to be aware that they tend to pick the same qualities that they think makes them stand out in the crowd… such as “I’m down to Earth”. They ALL say that about themselves, regardless of how wacko they actually are. Too many chicks “crying wolf” has made their statements about themselves incredible at best.

      Having said that, when Frank was talking about gift of gab, he wasn’t talking about JUST talking. He was talking about the kind of lingo that gets chicks to do the right thing, ASAP.. Capisce? πŸ˜€

      If you’ve got the looks, you don’t have to say ANYTHING, and in some cases, it’s actually BETTER if you say NOTHING! πŸ˜€ If you don’t have those natural good looks, then having that “mouthpiece” or “gift of gab” is your key to the kingdom.

      The funny thing about it is that the dudes that don’t have the looks end up excelling in pulling chicks because they have to try so hard. When the guys with the looks become less handsome or fat or whatever, the effing JIG is UP, and all of a sudden, they’re tying to hang out with the less-attractive dudes to try to leech off of THEIR chicks! πŸ˜€

        1. Hey “Joan”. πŸ™‚ It’s interesting/suspicious that you would make this comment because I was just talking about this a couple of days ago.

          There’s a difference between hating women and telling you truthfully that guys don’t care about the drivel you talk about.

          In fact, it’s a public service announcement, because if you pay attention to what I’m saying and improve the value of your conversation, you’ll have more guys interested in you for longer than it takes to hit it & quit it.

  8. I love the last one about girls thinking they’re hotter than they really are. We call them 5 by 10’s. Chicks who look like 5’s but act like 10’s. It’s particularly prominent here in new zealand where there aren’t actually ANY 10’s. Finding a girl with a great personality is gold. Good stuff.

    1. Thanks, “Mistakes”. πŸ™‚

      It’s really actually pretty interesting how some people achieve a vision of themselves and never let it go, regardless of how different they are now. I have female friends that will point out women that are physically TWICE their volume/mass and say that that’s what they feel they look like. It’s amazing.

      It works to guys’ benefit when it’s a really FOYINE chick that’s humble because she didn’t always look that way and wasn’t always in demand. It works against us when it’s a “5×10” (hahahaha hilarious!) that’s busy CBing us with her way-better-looking friend because she feels like she should be getting the attention instead.

      Cheers! πŸ˜€

  9. Can you make more advice/post! They are so helpful, I am going to try it out next time I go out. Thing is I guess you would say that I’m that “fine chick that didn’t always look that way” but I would say my personality isn’t the best when I talk to guys. I was a late bloomer so I have no dating experience, boyfriend experience whatsoever so I tend to mess it up at some point in the beginning because I guess I get nervous and thinking oh he’s such a good guy I don’t want to mess it up but long story short I do end up saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. The first time I went to a bar I didn’t do the 7 minute rule ! Yikes – and now that I think back on it he probably was expecting to get some. lol

    1. Hey Lauren. Thank you for the compliment. πŸ™‚

      You bring up an interesting topic that I don’t believe I’ve ever thought about.. Women that weren’t in demand before, but are now. I have lots of examples of the other way around.. Girls that are hawt and then they don’t maintain their physical condition or they have a few kids and blow their bodies up, but it’s going to be an unique set of factors for gals that aren’t used to getting attention when guys start asking them out on dates.

      I’m going to think about this and will probably make it its own post, but the only thing I can think of right now is that a male friend of mine grew up as completely NOT a fly guy. He’s a very nice person, but totally didn’t have the look that would have made chicks want to spend time with him.

      What that did was it gave him a loner’s mentality. He became institutionalized into doing whatever he wanted, because nobody cared. There was no chance he’d lose a rap from being himself because he didn’t HAVE any raps. He also didn’t have anyone telling him he was special or smart or good looking or in shape or rich or pretty much ANYTHING, so he developed on his own, as if he had been living in the woods his entire life.

      I can only imagine that once he started dressing better and having money and meeting women who were willing to go out with him that he found himself “saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing” just like you. πŸ™‚ There’s no reason he’d know what to say or do because he doesn’t have a track record of interacting with females.

      Just yesterday, I went rollerblading for the first time in ages. I used to play Roller Hockey every day for hours. Yesterday, I had zero speed and zero stamina and I was like “This is ridiculous!” πŸ˜€ but that’s how it is.. Use it or lose it. I get to build it back because I already know what I’m doing, but you can’t really say the same thing for someone starting from scratch at a late date.

      As far as “he was expecting to get some”, haha if he was talking to you at all, he was *TRYING* to get some! πŸ˜€ I have no idea what he expected, though.

      As far as basics, my uneducated advice to you is to treat your dates as if they’re good friends of yours. I’m assuming you have some good friends and you know how it feels to spend time with them and be yourself without feeling nervous or saying “wrong things”. Let it go. Don’t worry about “messing it up”. Worry about utilizing your time with him to get to know what he likes and let him know what you like. If there’s a match y’all go out again. If there isn’t, there are plenty more wherever he came from. Beleedat. Especially if you’re on your way UP instead of on your way DOWN! hahaha πŸ˜€

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

  10. I appreciate how honest you guys are… It’s really disheartening though… espcially your article about how guys don’t care what woman think. I wish I could be best friends with my boyfriend (I’m into video games, cars and all sorts of manly stuff), but it seems like it’s impossible because of my gender… that makes me very sad…

    1. Hey Marie. Thanks for the comment. πŸ™‚

      I’ll tell you this off the bat… Anybody that won’t accept a chick that’s ACTUALLY smart and cool and into gaming, etc etc MERELY because she’s a female is an *IDIOT* and really doesn’t deserve her company. Straight up. I’m not patronizing you at all. What you’re talking about is totally not what I’m saying, and I hope you get all the props you honestly deserve. πŸ˜€

      What I *AM* saying is that dating-wise, if guys cared what women thought, they would be buying magazines with women talking about stuff in them instead of magazines of women in bikinis and doing sex acts. O_o

      I’ll be the FIRST ONE to hang out with a cool chick. As a matter of fact, the main chicks I hang out with, even though I definitely think they’re attractive, the reason I spend time with them is that they’re great PEOPLE to spend time with. Do I know better-looking chicks? Hellz Yah! πŸ˜€ Would I rather spend time with them? Nope.

      As far as my blog being disheartening, it’s supposed to be. That’s because you can be disheartened NOW and then make educated decisions about things, or you can remain clueless until something goes wrong in your actual relationship and then you’ll REALLY be disheartened. Ignorance is only bliss up until it becomes your reality.

      On top of that, I’ve been doing this blog since late 2006 or early 2007. The only comments I’ve deleted over the last THREE YEARS have been personal attacks on myself or other commenters, spam, and a couple of special cases where I felt the comments were out of line AND irrelevant.

      The reason I bring that up is that you can search my entire blog and you will NOT find many instances of GUYS saying that I am WRONG about ANYTHING I’ve ever posted. O_o They might be mad that I’m giving away trade secrets, but nobody’s saying I’m incorrect. Not that EVERYBODY reads DatingGenius, but you can see from my stats that people are hitting these pages and you can read the comments for yourself.

      Anyway, I *DEFINITELY* don’t want to give you the impression that guys don’t listen to girls BECAUSE they’re girls. My point is that when y’all come to the playing field thinking you have leverage and you really don’t, it’s to YOUR disadvantage and OUR advantage. The goal of your being disheartened by reading my blog is for you to a) think about it yourself, b) discuss it with your homegirls to see what they think about it and then make up your own mind whether you think I’m making this stuff up or I’m for real.

      Don’t bother asking guys, because they’re not going to admit any of this to you so they still have a chance of hooking up with you or whatever friends of yours you might tell that they agreed with me.

      And again, as far as the gender thing, I *MOSTLY* hang out with women and the ones I prefer to spend time with, it’s more because of their PERSONALITIES and their WAY OF BEING than anything else. Get your game on, hang out at the car show, DO YOU, and if a guy still can’t appreciate you for being youself, pick a different dude because he’s not worth anything to you.

      1. Thank you so much for the long answer πŸ™‚ Like I said, I appreciate the honesty! I don’t think you’re making things up, my boyfriend is actually really cool about it… he loves the fact that I play video games πŸ™‚ It was probably my own insecurity to think that he wouldn’t care because I’m a woman… I have encounterd that attitude so many tims before that I generalised and tought he would be like that too.

        Anyway, thanks for the answer and keep writing your blog, because it’s awesome!!

  11. To Guy who won’t buy a girl a drink:

    Your loss. You might be scoring, but I wonder what league you are playing in? Cheap is as cheap does; men who are cheap are cheap to the bone.

    I’m not a hooker, you aren’t paying for my time. You are showing me respect… you found me attractive, it takes gyms and money and effort to be attractive. That doesn’t come for ‘free’ to me. There are plenty of men who understand this principle. (I don’t believe the law of scarcity the way Bill does. The scarcity only applies to how far you want to reach ‘up’. Shmoes who don’t buy women drinks are a dime a dozen.)

    Plus, buying a woman a drink shows you know how to make an effort, and shows you got some game. We appreciate that!

    I’m not talking about the drunk who buys any random woman a drink. I’m saying, if you see a woman; you find her attractive; and you want to start a conversation with her; show her some respect. Buy her a drink. She should show YOU some respect and have conversation with you. Maybe it goes nowhere. On the other hand, if you like her, compliment her, make her smile, she might just appreciate it, and….you are 80% on your way to getting her nekkid! ; )

    1. Hey Kay. πŸ™‚

      That’s an interesting theory, that buying a gal a drink is a sign of respect. To me, buying someone a drink that you don’t know is a sign that you don’t believe your company is worth anything, so you’re willing to trade your hard-earned money to try to get her to listen to what you have to say.

      That’s called “Leading With Your Wallet”, and it sets a precedent for the rest of the relationship.

      In fact, I’m not against buying a gal a drink the first time you meet her, just not right off the bat is what I’m saying. Show that respect to her AFTER you find out she’s a cool person, or intelligent, or sexy or whatever you’re looking for in a woman. Offer to order her a refill when you see her drink’s getting low, so she doesn’t have to walk to the bar and get a drink or maybe shell out more ducats than she had intended to if she had been planning to leave after this drink.

      I’m all for the concept of showing women respect, but what are you actually respecting if you offer to buy her a drink before you know ANYTHING about her besides how she looks? o_O

      1. I can see where Kay is coming from, but I have to admit that I agree with Bill. I personally don’t feel that a guy buying me a drink is respectful if he does so just as an ice breaker. To me, that means he lacks confidence in himself and as well originality.

        On the other hand, if a fella has engaged in conversation for a little while and discretely or quietly pays for the lady’s drink, then that shows a bit more of a “keeper” and not a player.

        So, if buying the drink at first, that doesn’t show respect (how can it?). To me that only translates into “You caught my eye and I want to try to get some”.

        1. “…So, if buying the drink at first, that doesn’t show respect (how can it?). To me that only translates into β€œYou caught my eye and I want to try to get some” Im gonna have to respectfully diagree…
          First Let me say that I do understand everyones point. Buying is disrespectful… not buying shows respect!

          Having said that, If I approach you on the street corner with a beer, that might be disrespectful and appear to look like Im trying to get some BUT how would that apply if you are IN A BAR!!! Ive been known to make YOUR drink the topic of convesration and then when Im good and ready to get myself another Ive offered to get you one too… buts ITS A BAR! If you want me to discuss literature maybe you should be at the coffee bar in StarBucks… How can offering someone water in a watering hole be considered disrespectful???
          and FYI: Uhm be it convo, drink, or a stick of gum… if I offered YES that means YOU caught MY eye! Thats the genesis of this here dance, you caught me eye! To suggest that all it means to you is that I spotted you just means that we are now on the same page!!!

          1. If you see an attractive woman at a bar, approach her, introduce yourself, talk a little, and see if she seems interested. Then you should always offer her a drink if her drink is low as Bill suggested or offer her a drink if she has not ordered one yet. It’s just poor taste on a guy’s part not to offer a drink. You are not buying her time or showing her that there will be more where it came from. A drink is just a small token of appreciation, and expecting one does not make a woman a gold-digger.
            On the other hand, if she turns down your offer to buy a drink – it’s a quick sign for you that she is not interested.

            1. I just replied to a different comment about buying women drinks, Jennifer, and I pointed to my article about that behavior ->

              I agree with you about buying her a drink, *IF* while talking to her, you’ve derived value from it, think she’s a nice or cool or intelligent or sexy or whatever person, and you want to extend a gesture of goodwill to her.

              I totally disagree with the tactic of buying a chick a drink in exchange for the opportunity to speak to her. That implies that you’re receiving all the value, so that should be worth money.

              In fact, SHE’S the one receiving the value, assuming that you’re bringing a lot to the table, and, whether you accept her offer or not, SHE should offer to buy the next round if you pay for her to drink.

  12. I definately agree with #2. My friend gave her number to this guy she liked then got mad when he didn’t start texting her right away. I also noticed anytime I make any kind of move towards a guy I’m interested in he backs away. But if that guy wants to see me then he will make elaborate plans so we end up hanging out together. I like being pursued but waiting for that to happen is frustrating!

    1. Hey Avis. πŸ™‚ Thanks for the comment.

      One of the problems is that if your friend felt like giving her number to a guy, then a lot of other gals probably did the exact same thing. He’ll either get around to her eventually, or never at all.

      If he’s sweating her, he’ll call her as soon as he can, haha πŸ™‚ It’s nothing to get upset about. Guys go through this every single day, handing out numbers that chicks don’t use or collecting fake numbers that some gal gave him while smiling in his face.

      Your best bet as far as approaching guys is to make yourself available to him and strike up conversation. If he’s interested, he’ll get the hint and start making moves on you.

      You can also listen to the podcast episodes reader “Frank” and I did, “Should Women Ask Men Out?” => and “Ladies: Meeting Men Without Looking Easy” =>

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

  13. Here’s another one: rolling with a group that’s too large and/or not making any attempt to branch out from the group. I’ve seen it too many times; girls going out in packs of 4 and 5, spending the whole night talking to each other, and maybe not in all cases but I’m sure in plenty of those cases they end up wondering why no guys approached them the entire night. The reason is simple; with the exception of porn directors, no man wants to approach a Sex and the City-esque group of women; it’s very intimidating. I think a lot of them feel that it makes them more desirable if they can show the public that 4 other girls are willing to tolerate them in social situations; that means they have an agreeable personality. But ladies, your girlfriends are there to have your back when you realize that the man you’re talking to is not worth any more of your time beyond the “7-minute rule”, they’re not there to be your only source of conversation for the night. It’s ok to show up with your crew, but take some time to do some independent work (or take one of your girls and work as a duo). Don’t worry, your girlfriends will be waiting for you when you get back.

    1. Yes. This is absolutely true, Robert. πŸ™‚

      Women that want to meet men need to create a situation where it’s practically effortless for him to approach her.

      He’s not going to do it when she’s surrounded by people. He’s not going to do it if she looks like she’s engaged in a good conversation. He’s not going to do it if he has to walk all the way across a room with everyone watching him.

      Simple things, like going to order her drink next to where he’s sitting at the bar.. Walking past him on her way to the bathroom.. Getting *ONE* of her girlfriends to go stand near him and strike up a conversation, hoping he takes the bait.

      Women aren’t the only ones intimidated by the concept of meeting someone new and attractive. Help tha fellaz HELP YOU by making their job of breaking the ice a little easier for them to feel comfortable about. πŸ™‚

  14. say a guy spends all night talking to you and buying drinks for you and your friends but gives a bunch of little signs that he likes you through the night. at the end he hugs you & kisses your cheek, however, when the night is through he never gave you his contact info. you leave and immediately regret not giving him your info. was he not really interested? or do men sometimes like women to make that last move? would it be creepy or flattering to look his info up on the web & text him?

    1. Before you try anything like that, ask your friends whether this guy asked any of them for their number because there’s a good chance that he had someone else in mind when he approached your group. If none of them were asked for their number, then there’s also a chance that he felt he didn’t get your friends drunk enough to not feel too intimidated to ask for your number in front of all your friends (read my previous post). As for using facebook/myspace/twitter to get his number, I wouldn’t do it myself (not on any of those sites) but I guess you got nothing to lose, worst he can do is not respond to your text.

    2. Hey Linda. πŸ™‚

      Good call by Robert. You might not have been the primary target.

      Essentially, if a guy approaches a group of women and decides to buy ONE OF THEM drinks and not hook any of the rest of them up, he’s setting himself up to get cockblocked.

      So, what may appear to be physical or romantic interest in you may actually have been clearing the landing strip so he could “book” one of your homegirls.

      Having said that.. It would have been in his best interest to request your contact information, since he apparently enjoyed your company. I do that all the time, which is why I currently have 2,957 Facebook friends.

      Another possibility is that HE didn’t feel like YOU were feeling HIM. o_O

      A lot of times, as women strive to act like they don’t care (not saying that YOU did this), y’all actually appear like you don’t care. Some guys aren’t willing to deal with that. Some guys recognize it as part of the game and will still try to kick game to you.

      So, it’s possible that he WAS interested, but others of your friends seemed more into him than you did, so he wasn’t going to play himself by trying to get ALL OF YOUR information so that when y’all compare notes at the end of the night, he looks like he was trying to be a “player”.

      If you feel like looking him up, that’s perfectly fine, nowadays. If people don’t want to be found, they can block that aspect of their social media presence.

      If you go that route, make sure that you send him a note, explaining who you are and where you met, being that depending on how often dude goes out to meet women, due to the amount of time that’s elapsed since that evening and the amount of alcohol he consumed that day, there’s no telling whether he even remembers you.

  15. True story about this one from last night; girl shows up with two of her girlfriends and the boyfriend of one of her girlfriends. However, at some point during the night she was sitting at a table by herself, making herself approachable. I said to my faithful bar buddy “excuse me I’ll be right back” and struck up a conversation with her, and yada yada yada I got her phone number before she left. She even introduced me to her friends when she found that I was cool enough for that. Had she never temporarily separated herself and instead spent the whole night engrossed in her group’s conversation, this interaction would have never happened.

    Ladies, Bill is right, “Women that want to meet men need to create a situation where it’s practically effortless for him to approach her”, and there is no better way to make yourself approachable than the way this girl I met last night did. I understand that your friends do serve as a defense mechanism against the assholes and douchebags of the universe. However, protecting your friends doesn’t mean suffocating them with your conversation the entire night; when you do that you are cockblocking men before they’ve even introduced themselves. Instead, work out a system of signals that you will make to each other across the bar when the man has wore out his welcome and a cockblock move is in order.

    1. Nice, Rob. πŸ™‚

      That’s exactly what I’m talking about. It’s not even “meet us halfway”, it’s just that we’re not going to fight our way into the castle, taking all sorts of chances, only to find out that when we finally get to you, you don’t want to talk to us anyway.

      Stay where your friends can see you, but isolate yourself or roll up near him somewhere or ask him what he thinks you should select on the jukebox or which beer that is that he’s drinking.. SOMETHING that puts him in a good position to do what HE does when the opportunity arises.

  16. Are you serious about there being all these single, attractive females out there? I live in a big city and I have yet to find any attractive woman who is available. It seems like every pretty woman I encounter is taken. It has been very frustrating, to say the least.

    1. I’m entirely serious, Lewis. πŸ˜€ haha

      In fact, there’s a new article out about it =>

      You can’t go to *ANY* popular shopping, eating, or hangout area without seeing several herds of 4-5 women hanging out with each other with no men in sight.

      They literally have NOTHING better to do with their lives.

      The streets of NYC are virtually LITTERED with single, attractive women.

      I told people this three years ago =>

      Having said that… One of the problems is that single women will *SAY* they’re in relationships to try to get you to fall for the okey-doke.

      They have to say that so they don’t look desperate.. Just ignore what they said and act like they’re single.

      If they like you, they’ll admit that they were lying and that they’re interested in dating you.

      If they don’t like you, they’ll keep lying and saying they’re “taken”.

  17. I met a guy that has a gf of 4 months. He thinks she is great but she has 3 kids and no time for him. He likes her and her kids, but the time is limited. He also does know that he wants to raise the three kids along with his own. He sees that he can have a relationship with me and we are free together to spend quality time whenever we want. How do I get him to break it off with her. I feel he wants to but is afraid to hurt her.

    1. This is an interesting question, Teresa. πŸ™‚

      First of all, you have to recognize that whatever he’s telling you isn’t necessarily the truth.

      If we’re willing to take his word for the situation, what you would want to do is get him to spend more time with you, so he can get back used to the single life instead of the “married” life.

      One of your problems, though, is that chicks with bunches of kids are usually pretty desperate, so she may be feeding him and directly paying him money to spend time with her, and guys aren’t too likely to pass up sources of free food and free money, so it might be a tough row to hoe for you to replace her.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

  18. Men don’t “buy a woman’s time”. The 7 minute rule is bullshit. I will buy one to be nice. If a woman thinks she’s entitled just because I’m talking to her, I’m definitely not going to be impressed.

    1. Just saw this. πŸ™‚

      How much time would you spend trying to impress a woman you just met, Dan? πŸ˜€

      20 minutes?.. 50 minutes?.. All night, and try to get her number when they’re kicking everybody out? πŸ˜€

      If she’s the only viable chick, that makes sense.

      If not, you wasted a bunch of other opportunities to meet potentially-decent women that might be interested in the same thing you’re interested in.

      Make your point, and step.

  19. Going off of Rule 9, asking girls for advice about guys is always a mistake, for the same reason that asking guys for advice about girls is a mistake. Ladies, if you need advice on getting/keeping one of us, WE are your friends. It’s like that Sex and the City episode where Miranda is unsure of how some guy feels about her and she asks Berger for advice, and he tells her those famous words, “he’s just not that into you.” That was the reality check she needed which stood in direct contrast to her friends telling her what she wanted to hear.
    Life is so much easier when we all work together and lose the “us vs. them” mentality.

    1. lol Is that where they got the title of that movie? πŸ˜€

      Yeah.. I agree. It’s a waste of time asking dudes what you should do about chicks if the dude knows less about women than you do.

      Women have it way worse, because commiseration and affirmation is substituted for actually-useful advice, and they never learn anything.

      If a chick asks me how she can get more raps, I’m like “Stop dressing like your grandmother”, and we get right to the point of her problem.

      All this Oprah-esque “He should want you for you (meaning her spirit or something supernatural)” just tricks women into remaining drab-looking and thinking she’s going to get more attention than the next chick while she’s not sexing the guy and the next chick IS. \o/

  20. I’m happy I came across this site. It seems like you guys have a great understanding for the workings of the male mind! This is what I am trying to figure out, and I am in a similar situation to Lauren above. I am a late-bloomer, which is probably mostly due to the fact that I am pretty athletic. I obtained a collegiate athletic scholarship for the D-1 sport of track.

    I’m pretty new to the dating field as well. Being so busy training and worrying about school, has left little extra time.(I plan on retiring very soon from my sport because of the strain mentally & physically) Being a women athlete means that you usually will share a weight-room and facilities with ALL of the male sports. It’s no hardship by any means, but the types of β€œboys” I’m surrounded by and how they act is appalling at times. I have probably developed some habits like ignoring the whistling and leering smiles and staring. (Not all male athletes are like this, but a large group of them are—especially football players). Anyways, my question is: how do you get the nicer men to talk to you or ask you out??? It’s just so puzzling for me! My older brother says I have a wall I built up around me and I am afraid to let guys get too close– I was hurt by a few of these players before, so I promised myself I would not date another athlete. I have met a few nice guys in classes, but they just seem so intimidated by me! I catch guys repeatedly staring at me in classes all the time or in the student workout facility. How do I make them more comfortable around me if they try to talk or if I get up enough courage to talk to them??? Is this type of girl scary?!??

    1. First of all, Tina, Congrats on your track scholarship! πŸ˜€

      This is a very interesting question, actually. It might call for its own post.

      One thing is that just like guys like to be taller than women they’re dating, guys like to be stronger than women they’re dating. πŸ˜›

      This is the problem some guys have with muscular women.. which they won’t mention, because they don’t want to look like wusses, but the less muscle tone she has, the better, relative to him, at least.

      So, if you’re walking around Diesel like Serena, a bunch of dudes are gonna be like “AWW HEEEEEEEEEELLZ NAW!!! :O”

      Another reason they might be intimidated is because they figure that as an athlete, you’re dating athletes, which they are not, so they don’t imagine they have a chance with you.

      Generally, as a female, your job is to make yourself available.. Not meaning available for sex, (which you can do if you feel like it) but if you’re at a bar and there’s some dude you would like to speak to that’s standing *at* the bar, go order your next drink right next to where he’s standing, instead of staying at the other end of the bar, hoping he walks over.

      You don’t have to approach him or say anything, but if he’s already intimidated by you, you have to give him *some* indication that it might be ok to talk to you. πŸ™‚

      Other than that, you want to find things you have in common with non-athletes, by joining groups or discussing class assignments or whatever it is that makes them feel like they have a chance to shine when they interact with you.

      Don’t, like, challenge them to a race or something. That’s not going to work.

    2. My best guess is you’re labeling men as “athletes” and “non-athletes” and acting accordingly. Approach each situation uniquely and in the moment. There are also non-athletes who are douchebags and there are athletes who are decent guys (Tim Tebow anyone?). Focus on the guys who seem decent, regardless of what their passion is.

  21. I met a guy and we talked for a little bit but it quickly ended after he tried to have sex with me and I denied him(it wasn’t that i didn’t want him but i won’t have sex until marriage). We didn’t talk for months and then we started talking all over again but this time he didn’t try me and still hasn’t. I started having feelings for him but he insists that he just wants to be friends with me. It is confusing because we hang out all of the time (with no sexual contact) but, he tells me I’m beautiful all the time and makes sure he tells me that he loves me, he confides in me emotionally, and goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy.

    There’s never a dull moment when we chill, we have an amazing friend vibe and to me, this vibe could equate to an amazing relationship but 1. He says he’s just having fun right now, 2. I’ve seen him in “player mode” and he acts nothing like this toward me so it has me wondering if I’m even attractive to him anymore?

    I want to know what has me so stuck in the friendzone? Is it that i turned him down at first or is it the fact that I won’t have sex until marriage? (i didn’t think it was sex until marriage because he has been in a serious, long-term relationship with no sex before), is it that he wants to be a player and he just won’t mess with me because he doesn’t want to hurt me?

    Does he really just want to be a friend for life and keep me in the “homegirl” category?

    This is really bothering me because he is the ONLY guy that seems to be OK with JUST being my friend and ironically he is the only one that I want.


    1. Sorry for taking so long to get around to this, Tashauna.. The second half of 2012 was very strange for me, but I’m back on target now. πŸ™‚

      Here’s what I think…

      If you want to hook up with a chick and she says she isn’t down to mess around until y’all get married, you have two choices, which are a) marry her so you can hit it, and b) she’s too much trouble to deal with because if she decides to give you some BEFORE she gets married, she’s going to act like she built the Taj Mahal.

      So I can understand why he wants to spend time with you, and he’s probably still sexually attracted to you, but you’re not worth the trouble.

      There are about a million chicks (depending on the area y’all live in) that don’t have any problems hooking up ASAP, for no reason at all other than mutual attraction, and with no strings attached.

      There’s no reason for a guy to waste time and energy trying to convince a chick out of her religious or whatever beliefs that have her on the “no sex before marriage” tip.

      You should be glad he wants to spend time with you at all, because he *COULD* be devoting all his time to women that are “producing”.

      So.. If that’s still how you feel, the no sex before marriage thing, my advice to you is to stick to your guns, because you won’t be satisfied if you hook up with him and he bounces.

      Meanwhile, you aren’t getting any closer to a) being in a relationship with him, or b) being married to him, because he most likely has other women to have sex with, and they’re going to remain in front of you on the marriage line, UNLESS their personalities suck so bad that he gets tired of messing with them and tells you he finally wants to settle down.

      The benefit that you have is that since you’re not giving him any, he figures you aren’t giving the next man any either, and some guys are just like that… They’ll mess with the chicks that are willing to give it up, but when they want to have just one chick, they’d rather have a chick that they don’t think everybody can easily get sex from.

      Good Luck! πŸ˜€

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