L: There are millions (and counting) of girls out there who are single. Some of them prefer to be single, but for the most part, they just can’t get a guy. Why? These girls are eligible bachelorettes, good looking, have a career and (for the most part) aren’t crazy. They are just breaking some simple rules when trying to get a guy. And that’s probably because they don’t realize they are making these obvious mistakes. My advice? Follow the rules and it should be smooth sailing from here on out.
1) Looking in all the wrong places
L: It’s Friday night and you’re all dressed up to head to the coolest bar or as I like to call it, “frat boy feeding grounds.” This is your first indication that you’re in the wrong place. The second indication is that guys are fist pumping while dancing to “My Humps” and any other song by R. Kelly. These guys are classy. Real classy. Do you want to hook up with these guys? Probably not. So why are you there? You’re better off meeting someone doing something you like i.e. Museums, concerts, Art galleries or even a lounge. Already you’ll have something to talk about and eliminate the problem of meeting Mr. Douchebag who you’ll have to talk to for at least 7 minutes when he buys you a drink and then force him off of you because he’s too drunk to even have a proper conversation. I’ll explain the 7 minute rule later.
B: Spot-On, hahaha I can always tell what kind of girls are going to be in a spot by the kinds of guys I see there. Maybe there’s some variety when a place first opens, but eventually, the bar achieves a certain “personality”, and the same type of people tend to flock to it. The more these people show up, the less OTHER people show up, because it becomes less their scene. Eventually, places become known for certain types of guys that go there. Once that happens, girls who are into those types of guys go to those places… and girls that DON’T like those types of guys avoid those places.
The problem occurs when it’s “girls’ night out” and one of your homegirls picks a bar with the types of guys SHE likes, but not the types YOU like. If this is the case, make sure you rotate who gets to choose the venue! :D
Meeting someone doing something you like is a way better option, because you definitely have something in common and even if you don’t want to go to a museum and see who shows up there, there are online groups like http://meetup.com where people figure out what interests they share and then make plans to get together IRL.
2) Giving them your number and expecting them to call
L: If a guy asks for your number, OK give it to him. There’s about a 35% chance that he’ll call. But don’t just shove your number in his pocket (or better yet, write it on his hand) and expect him to call. That screams, SLUT! Here’s you’re first mistake. You’re too aggressive. Half the fun is the chase and if you put yourself out there like that, you’re coming across as too easy. Guys don’t like that. If guys wanted an easy girl, he’d go to the local strip club or pick up the first girl on the corner of the street. At least he wouldn’t have to waste his time conversing with you. Anyway, these aren’t the guys that you’re going for, right? You’re to classy for that kind of shit.
B: That’s just the thing. If you give a guy your number when he didn’t ask you for it, he’s either thinking that you’re sweating him or that you give your number to everybody. If he was planning on calling you anyway, then good for you for indicating that you like him also. If he WASN’T planning on calling you, he’ll still take your number, just in case. So if he doesn’t crumple it up and discard it after you walk away, you *might* get a call after he runs down the list of chicks he ACTUALLY wanted to hang out with that night.
Your best bet is to make him so interested in you that he’s DYING to get your number before letting you out of his sight. ;)
3) Allowing the guys to buy you unlimited drinks
L: Now I talked about my 7 minute rule above. If a guy buys you a drink, he’s entitled to 7 minutes of your time. This doesn’t mean that you’re only worth 7 minutes, it’s just the rule. SO first off, be prepared to talk to him for at least 7 minutes. After the first drink if you want to “buy yourself” another 7 minutes, YOU buy the next round of drinks. You don’t want to seem needy and cheap, do you? If he keeps buying you drinks all night, that just shows that you are unable or unwilling to be independent and need taking care of. This give him the upper hand in the relationship and it’s not a good way to start. You make your own money, you can buy things. After all, didn’t Beyonce sing about how great it is to be an Independent Woman? I thought so.
B: lol @ 7 minute rule! :D This is very true that guys tend to buy women’s time. You have to think about it like a business. A beer plus tip in Manhattan’s around $7, so that means by using Lindz’s style, you’re getting paid $1/minute to talk with him. That’s pretty good, considering you’d be getting paid ~ $6/minute to give him a one-song length lap dance, and you get to keep your clothes on! :D
However, if you don’t eject after 7 minutes, you’re only worth pennies per minute, and that’s not cool. :(
Buying the next round is what separates “the women from the girls” as it were. Buying drinks isn’t about keeping your money in your own pocket…. It’s about spreading goodwill. You’re doing a favor for someone that you like. By not reciprocating when he buys you drinks, not only do you NOT look independent… He’s stacking up favors that he’s going to want returned in other ways later that evening. I’m not saying he DESERVES what he’s going to request… Just don’t be surprised when it happens… AGAIN.
4) Talking about boring shit
L: If you just meet a guy, this is the time to let him know how awesome you are. Talk about something interesting (stay away from politics and religion), not something boring. If the first sentence that comes out of your mouth is, “I got these new shoes that I have been wanting and they were on sale at Bloomies.” all he’s going to hear is, “I got these new shoes and I’m so self absorbed, no wonder I am single.” ::scans eyes around the room for another potential girl who isn’t boring as hell::. See what I mean? Don’t be boring. Girls, you know what that means.
B: No doubt. Talking to him is how you express your personality and intelligence. If you squander that opportunity, he’s gonna see you as T&A and relate to you as such.
Also, make sure you’re original and not derivative. You want him to consider you a thinker and someone unpredictable… Not someone who’s going to regurgitate what she read in the paper on the way to work that morning. :/
5) Hitting on other guys at the same time
L: So you’re talking to a guy and then he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. The conversation is going really well. Then another guy sits on the other side of you and offers to buy you a drink. Say NO. No matter how much you want this other drink (you lush), that is disrespectful to the first guy. He’s going to come back from the bathroom and see you scamming on some other guy and think wow, she’s a slut. This is not a good impression. At least wait until the first guy has left the bar! Have some respect for you and for him! You can’t go two-timing guys and expect them to both want you still. Do you know what the ratio of single girls to guys are? Let’s just say that you don’t have the advantage!
B: I guess this is the flip side of the 7-minute rule, which is “if you’re enjoying yourself, allot as much time as you like with hanging out with the same guy”. Yeah, if you’re already in a good conversation, don’t let it get derailed by the next man tryinna get on. Just let him know that you appreciate it, but you’re waiting for your friend to come back. However, like Lindz said… If dude #1 breaks out… ANYTHING GOES! :D
6) Thinking that something that looked good on the mannequin looks good on you
B: Unless you have the same shape as the mannequin, get a second opinion before taking that top or those jeans to the register! :D Great-looking shoes, but you don’t know how to walk in them?…. Leave them at the store. If you can’t walk in them NOW, wait until you’re stumbling out of a bar with your drunk homegirls.
Also, if you’re wearing a top and you have to pull it down every three minutes…. it doesn’t fit. Either be happy it sits where it sits on your body or BUY.THE.NEXT.SIZE.UP! :D
L: I agree… make sure you look presentable. Less is more. And also a quick tip when you’re shopping – if it doesn’t look good on the mannequin, it won’t look good on you.
7) Assuming he likes you for your mind when you haven’t said JACK yet
B: This is so dumb, and chicks do this every single day. :) If do you think a guy likes you for your mind…. Think back and make a list of the things that you’ve said that have impressed him. The things you’ve said that were witty? That were cool? That showed you were down to earth?
If you can’t figure out why he’s impressed with you mentally…. he probably isn’t. :)
L: Absolutely. And this goes back to #4. If you have this problem, then maybe you should think about things you’d like to say before you go out…just so you don’t end up pulling stuff out of your ass when you’re talking to the guy and sounding even dumber than you think you do. Think before you speak.
8) Calling a guy your boyfriend before he actually is
B: A lot of times, the first guy that expresses interest in a chick is handed the title “boyfriend”. At the very least, she says “I’m seeing someone”. You don’t want to declare this too early, because you’ll be biased against guys that are just as good for you or BETTER, merely because they kicked it to you AFTER the first guy. Who loses in this situation? YOU! :D
If you stay with a guy that you like less than this new guy, you lose. If you dump a guy that you just agreed to devote your life to a week later for some guy you never saw in life before, you get talked about. Avoid all this by spending time with people that you like and handing out titles when you HONESTLY feel like you’re going to stay with this person. Don’t give out titles just so you feel decently about yourself when you talk to friends and family so you can say “I have somebody! :D”.
L: My advice is go with the flow. If things are going great, why do you need a title? I have some friends who NEED a title. But think about this: Would you rather be married to someone who you absolutely can’t stand or casually dating someone who you love and have a great time with? Titles don’t matter if you’re having a good time.
9) Asking girls that don’t know JACK about guys for advice
B: Obviously, Lindz knows what she’s talking about which is why I enjoy writing with her….
If a chick you know has more experience with guys than you do, that doesn’t necessarily mean she can help YOU with YOUR love life. :) Try to pay attention to her track record. How many kids does she have because of “pull-out method”? How many guys is it *possible* that this new pregnancy’s from? Does she have any real-world examples of how the advice she’s giving YOU has worked for HER?…..
Depending on her personal track record, you might want to ignore her advice. :/
Thanks Bill. But seriously, it really helps to take advice from someone you trust. This reminds me of this song by Mya,
“If you’ve been divorced more than twice
And you wanna give advice about my love life
Oh no you can just forget that
I don’t need that
So you can just go ahead and keep that
And if you always lookin a mess
But yet you wanna tell me how to dress
Oh no I don’t wanna hear that
I won’t take that
So you can just go ahead and save that”
10) Acting / Dressing sexier than you really are
B: This is gonna backfire on you BIG-TIME. You’ll get all the attention and get the drinks bought, and the guys will want to “dance” with you… but when it comes down to it, they’re going to expect you to be as sensual in private as you made out to be in public. If you don’t want guys to react to you that way, don’t play that role. Dress however you feel. So long as you feel like you look good (to yourself), and you’re expressing your personality (if that’s one of your wardrobe goals), don’t worry about not getting so much attention from the guys. The attention you DO get is going to be from guys that like you AS-IS.
L: Ahhh! I have a great story about this. My guy friend *Matt started to date my friend *Susie. He’d met her once and then developed a friendship over MySpace with her. She had pictures when she was 15lbs skinnier wearing lingerie. Of course she did not look like that in real life. After one night of hooking up with her, he woke up the next morning and said, “What’s with the pictures on MySpace? That’s false advertising.”
My point is, go with what you’re comfortable with, like Bill said. If you don’t like wearing a shit-ton of make-up, don’t. This shows that you’re happy with who you are and you are comfortable around them. And that means a lot.
Until next time, be smart, be savvy and be yourself!