Top 10 Mistakes Guys Make When Trying To Get A Girl

B: Since Lindz and I got on the chicks about mistakes they make when trying to get a guy, it’s only fair that we let the fellaz know what THEY’RE doing wrong as well. 😀

1) Wearing the same clothes

B: No… I don’t mean rocking the same gear every day… I mean dressing up the same way as the guy next to you… and the guy next to him… and the guy next to him…….

See, unfortunately, everybody had the same idea you had and went to the mall and bought the exact same shirt. So… Instead of indicating that you’re aware of the fashion trends, you’re indicating that you’re a drone. You have no personal style. Everybody knows that when someone else dictates to you that you should wear something different, that’s what you’re gonna do. No good.

Figure out stuff that YOU like to wear and that YOU look good in and that represents who YOU are as a person, and make up your own style. Separate yourself from the pack. Be that ONE GUY that the chicks want to ask where you shop instead of knowing off the bat from the second you walk in the door with your pack of croanies that look exactly the same as you do.

L: Clothes not only define a person’s personality, but also makes them memorable. At least if you hit it off with a girl, she can remember you by “that guy that was wearing the red and white striped pants” instead of “that guy with the hair”

B: So Funny! 😀 That happens all the time! “Remember Lisa from Jon’s party?” “Jeans or Skirt?” “Skirt” “Black or Blue” “Black” “The one with the…” “Yeah, Her” “Yeah… What about her?” 😀

2) Not having anything in common with her

B: Major Mistake. Major. Choosing a chick to be your girlfriend just because you enjoy hitting it. Is there any other reason TO choose a girlfriend? no. 😀 However, eventually, you’re going to get bored of tapping it for the gazillionth time, or she’s gonna get out of shape. In either case, you’ll suddenly experience an increase in the time you spend NOT having sex with her. This is where you’ll realize that you have nothing in common with her other than sex and start looking for your way out of the relationship (unless she gets back in shape, in which case, all bets are off! 😀 ).

Do yourself a favor and make sure you have things in common with your girl so that you can still have a good time with her during “the off season”. Maybe you both like video games. Maybe you both enjoy eating out @ the different restaurants in your town. Maybe you both enjoy watching MMA fights. If so… make sure she knows Jiu-Jitsu so you can kick her ass and she can take it…. um… or maybe she’ll kick YOUR ass for stepping to her sideways! 😀

L: VERY TRUE! And like I said before, things in common that don’t count: breathing, eating, showering (and if it does, get the hell outta there), walking, etc… you get the point, right?

3) Bragging about what you have / own

B: The only reason a chick’s going to be impressed by what you own is if she doesn’t feel like she can get that for herself. This is fine, if you’re trying to get on for the One Night Stand, but really poor technique if you’re trying to pull a chick for a Long Term Relationship.

You don’t want a chick to chill with you so she can lamp on your yacht. You don’t want her to show up to parties with you because you’re about to sell your startup. You don’t want a chick befriending you because you’re internet famous and hooking up with you’s going to drastically improve her google ranking.

At the same time… How lame IS IT that when you have a chance to tell her about yourself as a person, the best things you can say for yourself are generic things that like a million other guys are doing every day? Everybody gets money. Everybody has a form of transportation… Even if that’s just a MetroCard. Tell chicks what makes you DIFFERENT from the other guys, not what makes you SIMILAR, and thus INTERCHANGEABLE with other guys.

L: Bill is absolutely right on this one. Talking about the stuff you have not only makes you sound conceited, but it makes her think that you are so boring you have to brag about yourself. And that’s going to attract one kind of girl: GOLD DIGGERS. If you’re OK with that, why not just walk around the street handing out $100 bills? Oh and let’s just say one day you get old, ugly, fat and there’s someone else out there more popular than you (and younger) – your chick is gonna head straight for that guy because there’s nothing substantial about you except your rank, which is shot to shit – and money – which is long gone spent on her. She needs a new sugar daddy.

4) Meeting chicks in bars

B: Do NOT meet chicks in bars. 🙁 You know what kinds of chicks you meet in bars?….. Chicks that go to bars.

What’s the problem with that? Nothing, if you’re just trying to get on. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, choose one that does something CONSTRUCTIVE with her time. If she’s at the bar, tipping a glass back @ 3:30am, she’s NOT in the gym @ 7am staying in shape. Capisce? 😀 Go pick up chicks at the book store. That way, you know she’ll probably be READING in the middle of the night while you’re studying for your law degree instead of drinking her ass off at some bar and giving it up to the next man. 😀

L: yeah, girls that meet guys at bars are classy. real classy. Let me tell you, fellow – you got yourself a real winner there. Just don’t be crying to me when your beer goggles fade away and you got yourself a coyote ugly the next morning.

5) Not checking out her moms

B: The FIRST THING you want to do if you’re considering keeping a chick is check out her moms! 😀

If you see your [pending] girlfriend’s mother, and she’s still fine as hell, and you’re like “If I weren’t dating her daughter, she could GET IT!”, then she probably passed those good genes to your girl and you can look forward to another 25 years of feeling like plastering that. Also, if your girl’s moms is COOL AS HELL, like you wouldn’t be surprised to see her with her hand up in the air at a club, shakin’ her groove thang, you know she probably brought her daughter up to be cool also.

Just don’t overdo it on the moms thing, or you might end up on The Maury Show. 😀

L: Totally, looks wise, definitely look at the mom. She may look good now… but you can never tell what she’ll look like when she’s older and her mom is that insight to the future.

6) Lame pickup lines

L: If you have to resort to using lame pickup lines, then congratulations, you’re a huge DOUCHEBAG and I hope you feel good about yourself. You’re the guy that the girl talk about when they hang out with their friends. “Remember that lame douchebag from the bar? yeah, he used a pickup line on me. He’s such a loser. I’m telling all my friends” (oops, you’re screwed!).

I think my favorite pick up line is, “Hey, have you met my friend *Ted.” Pause. Me thinking, “How the hell would I have met your lame friend. If I knew him, I would say hi to him, right?” Then response, “Uh, no you’re lame. Bye”.

B: hehehe Yeah, if you’re going to use lines, make sure they’re over the top. Go Big or Go Home! 😀 Make them so bad that she has to laugh at how corny your line was and gives you humor points instead of subtracting cool points.

7) Buying an incessant amount of drinks for the girl

L: This says 1 thing. One – I am so ugly that I have to get this girl shitfaced so she thinks I look hot then maybe I’ll have a chance to get in her pants. She’s thinking – wow this guy thinks I’m going to hook up with him after he’s buying me all these drinks. I know he’s just trying to make me think he looks good. Too late, I already saw what he looks like.

Girls don’t like guys who they think are desperate and they can easily obtain. Girls like a chase. They like someone who won’t buy them drinks all the time and who will maybe insinuate that they get a drink or two bought for them. This isn’t bad manners, it’s fair and not so out of the blue anymore. It’s the 21st century – let the girls take charge sometime.

B: Oh Man! hahaha Let this be a lesson to you, fellaz! Only buy a lot of drinks for…. girls that have already consumed a lot of drinks!!! 😀 (lol @ “too late… I already saw what he looks like”, hahahaha)

As far as getting her to buy you drinks, that’s probably a good policy if you intend to date her long-term. If she can’t buy you a $5 beer, that means she’s BROKE. If she’s broke NOW, she’s going to be EVEN MORE BROKE in the future as cost-of-living increases faster than the minimum wage. She’s gonna be EVEN STILL MORE BROKE if you don’t keep your condom game tight and she has a kid offa you. 🙁

So… Yeah… Get her to get you a drink every now and then so you can check if “Sisters are doin’ it for themselves”! 😀

8) Being rude to her friends

L: Boy, this one is a no-brainer. If the girl is on the fence over whether she likes you or not, she’s going to immediately consult her group of close girl friends. If you’re rude to them, they will sway her in the direction out of your favor and you’re history. This is why: You’re too new to the girl for her to believe you over her friends. You’re not someone she can completely trust yet, so your good intentions to her will be quickly overlooked if her friend says, “wow that guy is a jerk. Guess what he said to me.”

In some cases you may have not even been rude, you just gave off a bad vibe and immediately her friend say to her, “Stay away, I have a bad feeling.” In most (not all) cases, the girl will completely dismiss you even though you haven’t been that bad to her. Why? Who know, but it happens. Chicks before dicks.

B: hahahaha OMG! Lindz has an excellent point here. This is why you want to make sure to steer clear of ALL of a chick’s friends….. until you Tap That Azzzz! 😀

After that, you can do what you want… be rude to her friends… kick it to her sister… Her judgement will be completely JACKED since you’re now “the one” and can do no wrong! 😀

9) Talking about previous relationships

L: The last thing a girl wants to hear is about your last ex and how you were in love with her but she broke your heart – or whatever the situation is. She’s trying to get to know YOU, not your ex. Plus, bringing up previous flames will ignite more and more questions. Why did she break up with you. Is he comparing me to her? How do I compare?

You’ll want to talk about yourself and leave out anything involving other girls when you first meet her – even if the girl is strictly platonic. Just to make sure you avoid jealousy. Plus, bad mouthing other girls and exes in front of the new girl gives an insight onto the kind of person you are. It’s like an interview – you never badmouth your old boss, no matter what kind of a jerk he was!

B: Absolutely. It’s not about the past. It’s about the present and the future. Like she said, you can’t win by talking your ex UP or talking your ex DOWN, so leave her out, entirely. 😀 If your new chick is just crazy nosey (or just crazy) and insists on hearing what happened to your ex, have a good story prepared… Something like your ex girl, whom you met in a bar, overdid it with the drinking one night and accidentally stumbled into a recruitment station and signed up for a 20-year bid with the Army……. in Zimbabwe.

10) Not keeping your word

L: If you meet a girl for the first time and get her number and say you’re gonna call, then don’t, then forget any sort of future chances with her. If you can’t even keep your word on calling her, then how do you expect her to think you’ll keep your word on the first day and not stand her up. First impressions are a huge deal breaker so make sure you are up front and honest with her. If you take her number and can’t get together for 2 weeks, at least call her to let her know you enjoyed meeting her.

B: This is another good reason not to meet women in bars. Depending on how much YOU drank that night, word or no word, hahaha you might not remember meeting her AT ALL!!! 😀 coughanniecough But yeah, there are a lot of guys that see getting numbers as an END and not a MEANS. It’s more like “just in case” rather than an actual intention to call the chick, because you probably got numbers the day before and the weekend before that as well. Asking for a gal’s number doesn’t push her to the head of the list to get a call, but if you SAID you were going to get in touch with her, you really should make some attempt to reach out to her. The most important aspect of ANY relationship is TRUST. If you blow your credibility, you’re toast.

The way around this is to make sure you TRADE NUMBERS instead of just getting HER number. That way, you easily counter “You didn’t call me! 🙁 ” with “YOU didn’t call ME! 😀 “

Lindz & Bill

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  1. Not laughing! some guys are just TOO damn serious about the liitle things, NAMELY THEMSELVES! You would be surprised how quickly a girl opens up after 1)you make her laugh 2)make her laugh at you 3)and then make her laugh at herself!
    Not having the gift of GAB! dudes listen up “yeah” “really” ‘i don’t like that guy ova there” “u-huh” are not, REPEAT NOT, conversation fillers! they are convo enders!!

  2. So, just to clarify on point #4…
    you guys study for your law degrees at 3.30am in bars? Because obviously you couldn’t be implying that it’s ok for a guy to be in a bar late at night not doing anything “constructive” with his time, but that it’s not ok for a girl… that would just be incredibly sexist. Right?
    Also, kudos to YOU for getting up at 7am to “stay in shape” for the ladies having been out drinking the night before. That’s the most misogynistic thing I have ever heard in my life.
    Except possibly the assumption that simply because a girl is in a bar she’s ‘giving it up’ to guys all over the place. I don’t know what kind of bars you guys have over there, but here (Ireland) they’re places where alcohol is served, not brothels.

  3. @M: hahaha I don’t know anyone SUCCESSFUL that studies for law degrees @ 3:30am in bars. 😀

    My point isn’t that there’s a difference between the girls and guys in a bar at that time of night. My point is that if you pick a chick up in a bar (or, if a chick picks up a guy in a bar) you “get what you pay for”. That chick may very well be a law student. She may also be a raging alcoholic. She may also be a “club kid”. There are too many guys that meet girls (and vice versa) under TELLING circumstances and then they act all funny when they want to stay at home with their girl eating popcorn and watching movies, and she wants to go get drunk (again) and dance on the bar (some more).

    Same thing with a guy. If you meet a guy in the bar trying to get some ass… Guess what he’s going to be doing next week… The SAME.DAMNED.THING, so don’t expect him to become all domesticated just because you hooked up with him.

    I understand from your statements that you live in Ireland, but here in New York City, USA, there are TONS OF CHICKS IN THE GYM early-morning before they go to work. There are tons of chicks that go to the gym during their lunch break. There are tons of chicks that go to the gym directly after work, or even just before they go to sleep at night. So, no. It’s not too much to ask for a chick to keep herself in good condition. 😀

    I have ZERO knowledge of the bar-action in Ireland, so I’ll defer to your comments about that. My point is that if a chick’s “walking like a duck” when you meet her, she’s probably a duck. Capisce? 🙂 There are much better places to meet women than locations where they’re attempting to incapacitate themselves in the middle of the night. Take a language class. Go to meetups. Go to the library and act like you read… If you’re just looking to hook up, anything goes. If you’re looking for a girlfriend, start out with a chick that has her mental health and physical health games on-point and you’re more likely to want to keep her down the road.

  4. This is also directed at M,

    I think Bills point could swing either way…. just don’t pick up a girl / guy in a bar. The reason is, people don’t go to bars to find their soulmate- they want to have fun, get drunk and get lucky.

    If you meet someone doing something constructive (not saying bars aren’t, but they just aren’t constructive for finding love… well i shouldn’t say never, but 99 percent of the time) then chances are you are going to click faster because you’ll have something in common and you don’t be drunk and doing things you will regret.

    1. So how about the girl who goes to the library in the day before going to bar @ night?meeting her in the library or bookshop dnt mean she’s nt planning to go get drunk at night

      1. Good point, Andy. 🙂

        However.. AT LEAST going library->bar, there’s at least the IMPRESSION that she does something constructive with her life other than drink all night and maybe hook up with dudes.

        Going bar->library is a stretch.. Especially if she isn’t very coherent by the time you meet her in the bar.

        But, yes, you’re right.. The smart woman will post up in the library to see if she can catch any dudes looking for non-bar women… before she hits the bar and gets her DRANK on!!! >:D

  5. These are good. How about this one: 11. Being phony. It might work in the short run, but it will never work in the long run.

  6. @Juan: Yes. That’s a good one. A lot of guys get girls under false pretenses and feel really good about that until they realize they have to keep up the charade or lose their relationship entirely.

    That’s why it’s good to know what you want from a particular gal before you choose your style of interaction with her.

  7. Yesterday I wrote on the “mistakes girls make” page that they go out in groups that are too large and don’t try to separate from the group at some point. Guys, if you’re going out in a group of 4 or more, don’t think this means you’re now equipped to hit on a female group of the same size. Going after 4’s and 5’s is an absolute waste of time because they’re too much into each other to contemplate the idea of being into a man. Instead, pair up and go after the deuces. They tend to be more willing to let two men into their conversation (and ultimately into something else, but one step at a time).

    1. Good point, Robert. 🙂

      Unless you have a squad of dudes that know what they’re doing and know how to switch off to different chicks when the match-ups aren’t made right from the giddyap, forget about all that group action. Go to the spot together, then split up into smaller teams and see what you can do.

      Regroup for recon, then go back out for another run! >:D

  8. 1) Thinking that every woman that rejects you is just a stupid bitch. If you’re a guy that’s generally rejected by women, maybe the problem isn’t them. I think sometimes we need to take a look at ourselves and ask ourselves what we might be doing or saying to repel women that we might have been unaware of.
    2) Thinking that physical attraction is a one-way street. Men have a tendency to judge women based on their looks and yet they want those same women to like them for the person they are on the inside. If you’re generally rejected by hot women, either change your looks or go for the 7 with the good personality instead of the 10 who is boring and depressed. Sure there are 10’s with good personalities and 5’s who have egos like they’re 10’s, but the point is, don’t judge women in a way that you wouldn’t want to be judged yourself.

    1. That’s true, Robert.

      If you’re not having a good time in the dating game, either increase your skillz, presentation, and/or looks, or hit on wacker-looking chicks.

  9. Robert i feel you on that,happens to me sometimes.i’m goodlooking and fashionable and constantly surprised at how i’d hit it off with an attractive girl today and get rejected by another or by a not so attractive girl tomorrow..sometimes it gets really confusing trying to figure females out.

  10. My best guess is you probably just had more chemistry/more in common with the attractive girl. It is not necessarily the case that the not so attractive girl didn’t find you attractive enough for her standards; she probably just didn’t feel a spark.

  11. @Bobby
    The less attractive girl might have thought you were too good-looking for her so she doubted your sincerity…thought you were just trying to hook-up.
    On a similar note, some women only want a relationship with a less attractive man because they feel he is unlikely to stray since he’s dating up and other women aren’t attracted to him.

  12. Robert i’m guessing so too,actually i usually get stares from girls whenever i’m out at the mall or other social grounds (excluding bars) because i’m also really tall (6’4′).so it can be frustrating sometimes when some of the not so hot girls i approach,start putting up fronts or act like they are doing me a favor by taking time out to hang with me,usually i start thinking things like “what the hell,i’m doing you a favor too and have value as well and i would even beat you in the looks department” and @Luke i hope that is really true, because i get irritated at some girls’ responses sometimes because it can be discouraging..but overall i usually succeed with many of the girls i approach except a few,but it never lasts long lol,so i’d also like to hear Bill’s take on this..thanks

    1. Bobby: I agree with both Paul and Robert’s comments.

      Could be chemistry or lack thereof. Could be that she feels you’re too attractive for her and “out of her league” and she doesn’t know how to deal with that.

      A third issue is that women have a fantasy that they can control men, and that’s easier to mentally convince themselves of if they don’t feel like the guy can pick up women whenever he wants to.

      Sometimes, just like how women “act blonde” to get guys, you have to dumb it down to get girls.

      Add a few calculated flaws so they’re not as intimidated.

      You don’t have to keep that up after you’ve already bagged them, I’m just saying that if your normal presentation is too much for them, tone it down until they get used to you, then turn it back up.

      As far as hooking up with more-attractive or less-attractive women, you have to realize that they didn’t always look like this.

      A lot of women, until they actually become good-looking, experience a lot of rejection and internalize that. She might be FOYINE right now, but she’s not thinking that she is.

      Meanwhile, the less-attractive chick may be mentally souped up, to where she’s considering herself a prize to you. That makes things tougher for your rap.

      Basically, you have to treat every situation individually to mazimize your potential to get on.

  13. I been married for 16 my wife left me.des 22,what is the chance for hur to return,she live by her brother,i never fight or drink alcahol,maybe se got bored she is 47 and i am 50 she is under family infiunce.

    1. wow. Good Luck with that, Renier.

      The best bet for your situation is honest, authentic communication.

      If she doesn’t tell you what she feels went wrong with your relationship, you can’t decide whether it’s something you can fix or something you want to fix.

      Also, ask close friends of yours their honest opinion of you, in case there’s something about yourself that you’re not noticing.

      I always find the reactions and comments fascinating when I ask women if they believe I love them.

  14. Asking other guys for advice is ill-advised. If you’re unsure of what you should do in a particular situation where you’re trying to get a girl, other girls are a much better source of advice for two reasons: 1. Girls want you to act appropriately, whereas guys (myself included) have a habit of wanting to sound like bigshots and telling you to do things that they wouldn’t do themselves, and 2. Guys’ perspectives are limited, i.e. they can only look at a situation from the standpoint of “here’s what I would do”, whereas girls can put themselves in the place of the girl in question and say “here’s what I would want you to do if I was the girl you were pursuing”.
    In summation, having a strong female support network drastically improves your chances.

    1. I agree with your conclusion, Robert. 🙂

      Part of the reason you shouldn’t ask guys what they would do is that they don’t know what they’re doing with women to begin with.

      That’s like when women ask other women what they should do in their relationships, and the women they’re asking don’t have a man either… If she’s not successful, how’s she supposed to coach YOU? o_O

      The other part is that if what he ACTUALLY would do is embarrassing to him (such as grovel, cry, buy her flowers…), he’s not going to tell you that. He’s going to tell you something that will make him look good, instead of like a chump (to him), so he’s liable to lead you in the wrong direction for that reason.

  15. Coming on too strong is one I’ve been guilty of in the past. It takes girls longer to feel comfortable around us than it does for us to feel comfortable around them. Don’t ask a girl out until you’ve had a minimum of 3 phone conversations with her, key words being “a minimum” because she may need 5, 6, or even 10 to feel comfortable (I haven’t yet thought of a maximum rule yet, where you can put it on her to make a decision). My theory is that when you rush a meet-up, even if it’s just lunch, you present yourself as someone who just wants to get it in right away. And even if that’s not your intentions, there is no way for her to know that because she hardly knows you, so if you are a good guy you need to give enough time and patience for her to see that.
    Unfortunately this is something that will take some people awhile to get used to because we live in a fast-paced society, where time is money, and a girl deciding after 5 phone conversations that a guy isn’t right for her will leave the guy thinking “Why did I waste my time talking to her?” But the best things come to those who wait for it.

    1. Yeah. We definitely live in a fast-paced society.

      I guess it depends on what you mean by “ask her out”.

      Here in NYC, people meet up all the time, so there’s nothing odd about that.. There’s nothing indicating ravenous behavior on the dude’s part.

      In general, it’s better to invite chicks to “come with” than it is to “ask them out” as in saying “Let’s go on a date”… If they want to show up, they will. If y’all have a good time, you take it from there.

  16. I went to a family party a few days ago and me and some guy started talking to each other and he asked for my number but instead, I just gave him my yahoo messenger because I don’t really know him and I honestly didn’t want to give a stranger my number. When I first met him, he was a cool guy and it was nice talking to him but when I talked to him on yahoo messenger, he was so persistent on getting my number and was kissing up to me calling me cute, nice, and stuff but I don’t really like being flattered too much because it gets kind of annoying and he’s practically throwing himself onto me so I guess that can be considered as advice for you guys but I want to know what I should do. P.s. I never intended on being anything more then friends so… Yeah.

    1. You should have told him up front that your intention was only to be friends. If you don’t make that clear to us then we will always think we have a chance at something more than that. Subsequent behaviors follow as a result.

      1. Agreed with Robert, Maria.

        The only reason he’s talking to you is so he can eventually have sex with you.

        If your goal from the giddyap is/was to *NOT* have sex with him, you should have let him know, so he could stop wasting his time trying to get on.

        I’m not saying that as a public service to him, but rather as a public service TO YOU, so you don’t bother giving contact information to guys that are only going to utilize that to see how long it takes them to get some from you.

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