Here are five quick tips on how to avoid getting your girl pregnant:
1) Don’t hit it… evAr
Yes. I know. This tip is useless, because you were only talking to her in the first place so you could have sex with her. I know. I know….
2) Time her cycle [Edit: Extended discussion/explanation @ “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method”. Basically, *ANY* technique for avoiding pregnancy that involves getting *ANY* liquid on a chick other than your saliva is *COMPLETELY* *RETARDED*!]
Relatively, there’s only a small window of time during which you can accidentally get your girl pregnant… I mean, ACTUALLY get your girl pregnant. According to
The American Pregnancy Association:
“During the time of ovulation, an egg is available to be fertilized for only about 12-24 hours. But since sperm can live in the body for 3-5 days and then the egg is available for one day, your most fertile time is considered to be about 5-7 days.”
Even if we stretch that to 10 days, you have another 20 days each month that you can do what you say, say what you mean and one thing won’t lead to another!
YOUR assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to figure out which week out of each month you need to regularly have one whole hell of a lot of headaches and late nights at the office! 😀
3) No Glove… No Love
Condoms don’t fail because the factory made them poorly. They fail because YOU didn’t put them on correctly. Make sure the condom fits. Make sure you leave space at the top for your… Happy Ending.
Here’s a tip. If the sex starts feeling “too good”, the condom probably broke or rolled off. STOP &#@$%G RIGHT NOW! and go get another condom.
4) Only screw chicks with career aspirations
Make sure you talk about careers early in your relationship with your girlfriend. If her chosen career path dictates that she can’t afford to take time off for maternity leave, you’re IN THERE! 😀
Just don’t bungle the position by a) making her fall in love with you so she no longer cares about careers or money, or b) getting that big promotion that makes her feel like starting a family off of YOUR paycheck.
5) Hit it during her period [Edit: Revised. I didn’t express myself properly here. I should have said “Hit it on THE FIRST DAY of her period” See the comments below or read “Don’t Try The Rhythm Method” for clarification. Thanks to Kenya for bringing it up in the comments and thanks to other friends of mine for bringing it up IRL in the time since I initially made this post. 🙂 ]
Hey…. What goes up…. Must come down! 😀