Alcohol Is No Excuse!

I have an intimate relationship with alcoholic beverages.

Bill Cammack

This is why I just completely DETEST when people try to use alcohol as an excuse as far as why they did something. It’s a copout. It’s bullshit. There are two main reasons for this.

First… if YOU drank the alcohol YOURSELF, and you knew what you were drinking, I don’t want to hear it. The only break you might get is if you’re just beginning drinking. A friend of mine in college drank alcohol for what may have been his first time, but was DEFINITELY a rare occasion for him, and he swore up and down that our other friend’s hair was WHITE… when I was looking right at it, and my friend’s hair was BLACK. 😀 As friends, it was our duty and responsibility to BAN THAT GUY FROM DRINKING EVER AGAIN! He did it as an experiment, just to try it out, but alcohol just didn’t agree with him and it was in everyone’s best interest, especially his own that he keep his mind right, so he was banned.

So.. Other than not understanding what the alcohol was going to do to you because you’re just starting, NOBODY has an excuse for what they did when it comes to alcohol, IMO. It’s YOUR responsibility to know whether you can handle it or not. It’s NOT your friend’s responsibility to “look out for you” after you’ve incapacitated yourself. It’s a good deed, and it’s nice of friends to do that, because friends have definitely done that for me, like when I’ve fallen asleep on the subway and was leaning all over people I didn’t know, or when they didn’t want me to ride my bike, or when I licked birthday cake off of some chick’s face at her party and her uncle thought he was gonna do something about it, but my friends didn’t HAVE TO look out for me in those situations. They CHOSE TO, even though I didn’t ask them to, and I appreciate that. Completely.

Still… Choosing to drink AT ALL makes it MY responsibility from the giddyap. That’s the first reason why alcohol is no excuse for ANYTHING. It’s something that YOU do to YOURSELF. You utilized your own free will and ingested the beverages, so now you can deal, or you can’t.

A friend of mine told me just the other day about a situation where she went out to a bar with some other chicks, one of them “got nice” on her own, met a guy she liked, hooked up with him, and then, the next day, she was all like “Why didn’t you stop me? :O”. First of all, she drank the alcohol herself. Second of all, she didn’t hire my friend to be her babysitter for the night. Third, she didn’t ask my friend ahead of time to stop her from spreading her legs. Since she didn’t ask my friend, there was no reason for my friend to assume that the chick WANTED to be stopped and wasn’t acting from her own free will and basic character. This brings us to the second reason why it’s bullshit to use alcohol as an excuse…

Bill Cammack

My friends started drinking in Elementary School. Their parents had the money and bought tons of liquor, my friends knew where it was and threw parties pretty much every weekend. I wasn’t in attendance, because that wasn’t my set back then, but I heard the stories about the parties when we all got back to school. I was just anti the whole “get high” concept until I got to college, so I wouldn’t have bothered with it anyway.

The reason I bring that up is that I received YEEEEARS of brainwashing about the effects of alcohol. The main point was that when people drink, they lose their fuckin’ minds. They just go absolutely berserk and aren’t in control of themselves. I had no choice but to buy into this, because I had never BEEN high (which some people use to denote drug use, but I use for any substance, including alcohol, glue sniffing, nail polish, huffing…) until I got to college. I guess my very first experience with alcohol would have bolstered the brainwashing, because I couldn’t play guitar AT.ALL. 😀 I remember wondering “How in the HELL does Keith Richards do it?” I also remember the feeling of my mind being altered, and also “coming down” for the first time. Once I got a handle on alcohol and really started THINKING and assessing my current state, I realized why people try to use alcohol as an excuse as well as why it’s completely invalid.

People like to use the phrase “Alcohol reduces inhibitions”, but they don’t really understand what they’re talking about. Here’s the definition, from Webster’s:

Main Entry: in·hi·bi·tion Listen to the pronunciation of inhibition
Pronunciation: \ˌin-hə-ˈbi-shən, ˌi-nə-\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century

1 a: the act of inhibiting : the state of being inhibited b: something that forbids, debars, or restricts
2: an inner impediment to free activity, expression, or functioning: as a: a mental process imposing restraint upon behavior or another mental process (as a desire) b: a restraining of the function of a bodily organ or an agent (as an enzyme)

So.. A reduction of inhibition, which EVERYONE AGREES that alcohol facilitates… means that when you get drunk, you lose [an inner impediment to free activity, expression or functioning]. You know what that means? That means that when you’re drunk, You.Do.What.You.WANT.To.Do.

Basically, you temporarily forget to act unnaturally. You lose the ability to remember what you told someone else you were going to do, as well as what you told YOURSELF you were going to do. All that’s left is what you WANT to do, which is why alcohol is no excuse AT ALL for what you did while you were drunk. None.

Of course, I haven’t hung out with everyone on the planet, but I don’t know ANYONE that I have EVER gotten drunk with that turned into somebody that they weren’t already, naturally, by consuming alcohol. There’s no Jekyll & Hyde. There’s only the person they consciously strive to present to you publicly, and the person they really are, if they were to release themselves from the bullshit restrictions they put on themselves in order to be accepted in society or get the right jobs or land the right girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife.

Now… What does this have to do with dating? 😀

BC & LC

When you go to the bar and meet someone that’s already drunk, do yourself the favor of NOT ASSUMING he/she’s going to be the same person the next day or ever again when they’re sober. Don’t assume that that person’s going to remember you the next time they meet you coughsorryanniecough. Don’t assume that because y’all shared good times together that that’s going to make it to the drunk person’s long-term memory. Don’t assume that because they gave you their number when they were drunk, they want to receive a call from you when they’re sober.

More importantly, if the person you’re dating is a drinker, it’s IMPERATIVE to get drunk with them. If someone won’t drink with you, it could mean they don’t trust YOU enough to get drunk around you, but it could also mean that they don’t trust THEMSELVES to get drunk around you. Granted… There are some people that just.don’t.drink, and more power to them. I’m talking about the people that you KNOW drink and have TOLD YOU they drink and STILL won’t get drunk in front of you. People get really paranoid of showing their true colors.

Now, as we all know, people LOVE to use alcohol as an excuse for cheating. Hopefully, you understand now that that’s out the window. By misusing and misunderstanding the idea of “loss of inhibitions” as well as not holding people responsible for getting themselves drunk in the first place, that’s made alcohol a loophole. “I didn’t know what I was doing”. “I lost my mind”. “I can’t believe I did that”. “I’m not that type of person”. Sorry. Yes, you are. You ARE the type of person to get drunk and hook up with someone you’ve never seen before in life… because you just did it. Yes you are the type of person to get mad and start throwing things around the house or start kicking people’s asses. Yes you are the type of person to lick birthday cake off of chicks’ faces because you damned well felt like it, AND WHAT?

I still remember hearing the guy down the hall screaming about how his niece isn’t a whore, blah blah blah. Sorry dude. The only person that called your niece a whore was YOU! She was sweating The Kid and she was gonna give it up if she felt like giving it up, so mind your business and break north if you don’t want to watch her exercise her freedom of choice and mess with The Kid. PAYCE! 😀

Anyway…

I’ve been so tired of this for SO LONG that I felt like writing about it. If you can’t handle your alcohol, don’t drink. Period. It’s your friends’ responsibility to tell you how you’re acting, but NOT to bail you out of situations you create for yourself. If you feel like if you drink and go out on the town, you’re gonna cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend, either DON’T DRINK or DON’T GO OUTSIDE or live with the fact that you have FREE WILL just like everyone else and are going to do WHAT you want to do WHEN you want to do it regardless of whom you told other people that you really are and especially regardless of whom you told YOURSELF that you are.

Bill Cammack, Unforgivable

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31 Comments

  1. Haha. Fakin’ The Funk is my new phrase for this behavior.

    Totally agree with you. People know what they be doing, they just don’t care as much. I may or may not be speaking from personal experience.

  2. So So So true! And lets also not forget that we WANT an excuse to lose control, hense the reason that bars are packed every night. Who wants to be their better self all the time anyway 🙂

  3. lol @Kary… um… yeah… I may or may not be speaking from personal experience too! 😀

    @Flo: That’s just the thing. People use alcohol as a copout. They know what they want to do and they want a pre-fab excuse for it, so they make it happen, let the chips fall where they may and hope that the excuse of being drunk doesn’t get them ejected from their relationship.

  4. This is a mixed bag of preaching and expressing your dislikes w/people you have been around that drink.

    Most people that drink way too much are alcoholics and can’t stop until they go stone cold sober.
    They’re hard to be around and do things that they would never do, if not drinking. You have to have a very strong understanding of chemical dependance.

    Every single person I know that drinks too much and has a chemical dependance on it, vows to never drink again. Or drink their life away and says “Feck it, this is who I am and who cares.”

    I personally stay away from people who are drunks. And if I find myself wanting to get good and drunk, I won’t inflict it on my friends. Maybe I’ll choose a friend to get looped with. And it won’t be in public either.

    Live and let live. Pretty interesting what you have to say about it.

  5. Hey Pamela. Thanks for the comment.

    I’ll agree with the preaching assessment, but it’s not “my own dislikes with people I’ve been around that drink”.

    The reason I say that is that I can see the truth, whether they can see it or not. They’re not fooling ME. They may or may not be fooling themselves, and if they get away with “I only had sex with that person because I was drunk, and now that I’m sober, I’m not the same person so it shouldn’t count”, they’re DEFINITELY fooling their “Significant Others”.

    So my rant isn’t against the drinkers… It’s against the people that enable them to continue getting away with this garbage because they explain their behavior away as if someone entirely different was responsible and that person isn’t here anymore.

    It’s also a rant against people that don’t know what they’re talking about because they DON’T drink and all they’re working with is the brainwashing that I personally received and rolled with for years until I figured out what time it REALLY was.

    It’s not a rant against the drinkers, because they’re having their cake and eating it too. 🙂 They get to get drunk. They get to cheat or whatever they decided to do while they were inebriated, and then they get to go back to their relationships as if nothing at all happened. They’re getting over. They’re living large. More power to them, but if you get fooled by this stuff, shame on YOU.

    I hear what you’re saying about people being alcoholics, but that’s not what I was talking about either. ‘Matter of fact, it’s usually the people who are NOT alcoholics who claim to have been affected so incredibly by drinking. This is how you end up with situations on The Maury Show where a chick goes to a NYE party, gets blasted on her own and doesn’t remember having sex with her boyfriend’s twin brother, which produced a baby that, of course, looked like her boyfriend. If that girl had been known to be an alcoholic, her boyfriend would probably have BELIEVED HIS OWN BROTHER when he told him he tapped that and it was probably his kid. The boyfriend didn’t believe it because he thought his girl had a handle on her ways of being… which, ultimately, she did. She got drunk, on her own. She had sex with his brother, on her own, and that’s the way the cookie crumbled.

    If people are actual addicts, that’s a totally different topic. That would be “How to date an addict”. So, I agree with you on the “stay away from people who are drunks” tip, and I would add drug abusers in there as well.

    Definitely live and let live, but if people are going to have the wool pulled over their eyes… ok, let’s think about it this way…

    If somebody’s in a relationship, and the other person cheats and blames it on alcohol, it seems to me that there are only two choices. a) That person is an alcoholic, which means that by your own definition that I agree with, that person needs to be avoided = kicked to the curb… or b) That person is NOT an alcoholic, which means it’s all their fault that they drank what they drank and did what they did = kicked to the curb. 😀

    Either way, the situation’s no good. If someone gives you their word on something, and their word suddenly means NOTHING when they’re drinking or drunk, isn’t that a MAJOR FLAW in the relationship? What else are people going to be excused from on the basis of “I was drunk at the time”? Verbal intimidation? Spousal abuse? Where do you draw the line and hold people RESPONSIBLE for their own way of being, INCLUDING states they put THEMSELVES in?

  6. You know what Bill,
    Now I know exactly what you’re talking about.
    I agree totally.

    This summer, in the Hamptons I was the pastry chef at a top catering place, which has a gourmet food shop. The chef and manager were drinking all day and fecking off. Everyone was suffering because of it and we didn’t know what to do. The main catering guy had a bottle of Ketel One in the walk-in and he would drink it when he wanted, at parties and so forth. The owner didn’t have enough people and was afraid to fire these 3 people’s sorry a$$es.
    Finally he did, made me the chef. They were all 3 outraged by it. I said “Good riddance to bad blood, and alcohol and drugs here.”
    The rest of the season has been calm, we are less 3 people, and we get more done, there’s no chaos
    anymore.
    So there’s an example right there.

    I hear ya, Bill. Right on.

    xx

  7. @Pamela: Yeah. That’s pretty similar. In that case, the workers were disrespecting the responsibilities and the opportunities they had been offered. They did it to themselves and [eventually] got what they deserved.

    I say it’s the same way with relationships. If you’re gonna disrespect the other person by compromising your word to them via alcohol you drank YOURSELF, don’t turn around and act like the only state you’re responsible for is when you’re sober.

    You have to own BOTH.

    Cheers! 😀

  8. I have no comment about the horrid effect binge drinking has on my own character…. however, WOW that last pic is mad sexy Bill! RORRRRRWW! lol

  9. Ok so here is this true story involving blaming alcohol for your behavior:

    There is this dude who is routinely f*cking with a girl we will call girl A. Its a mutual thing nothing but sex or better yet just plain f*cking and it cuts both ways. Girl A calls dude whenever she wants to get broke off. One day dude and girl A go drinking and she brings her friend AWILDA! Now Awilda has been hearing how good the sex is between girl A and dude, so she is mutually flirting with both. Later in that evening they all wind up at dudes house at which point AWILDA begins to grind up all over dude in front of girl A. Sensing the ability to go “there” dude starts dancing with both and at some point winds up with girls A’s tit in one hand and AWILDAs tit in the other. He starts to rub breasteses together and things are looking up, UNTIL girl A decides she cant do this with him and AWILDA! So long night just got short. Next day AWILDA starts accusing dude of taking advantage of her being drunk. All this after girl A spoke with AWILDA and let her know that she was acting up after she started drinking. AWILDA claims that she doesn’t even remember “flirting” with dude and doesn’t remember being topless and w/pants open. AWILDA now blames being drunk for engaging in “stuff” she would never do! PUH-LEASE! AWILDA has also gone around warning other girls not to get drunk around dude because he will take advantage. Girl A knows she is full of shyt but wont blow her spot because they are friends. Her exact quote “thats my peoples i dont want to embarrass her”…

    well what about dude? IM DUDE! and because AWILDA is using drinking as an excuse, Im being labeled the dirty one!

    She heard the stories was obviously curious and “got” in the mood after her 2nd appletini! So yeah I will leave it at that with girl A but as far as IM concerned AWILDA is put on blast! Like girl A said, “she didn’t seem least bit remorseful until I said that I dont want to go drinking with her again if guys are involved”!

    Yeah, it was the drinking that awoke the HO in you! and personally I dont think there is anything HOish about it but AWILDA must, to be back tracking so much.

  10. @Frank: Important story. This is ANOTHER reason not to kick it with drunk chicks. It’s reeeeeeally funny how they’re so sure about what they wouldn’t do when they’re sober, but every time they drink, it’s back to the same exact behaviors.

    It’s not YOUR job NOT to mess with a grown woman when she decides she wants to throw some at you. If she got herself drunk and wanted to give you some, that’s the way it went down. Not only THAT, but she decided to get her *FREAK* on with her homegirl’s man AND her homegirl, to boot. “She ain’t got no wins in mi casa”. She’s on BLizAST, no doubt. She did it to herself, and she can’t turn around and blame you for doing what she was down with doing.

    Lucky for you, your woman’s a witness. Even though she doesn’t want to say anything, if that chick decides to embellish and overdoit and make up bullshit lies about you, she HAS to include the fact that your woman was involved too, so there are checks and balances.

    Unfortunately, all too many times, chicks like to play off thier own behavior as someone else’s fault. Maybe SHE took advantage of YOU. Did you think about THAT?

    She TOOK ADVANTAGE of the fact that you were dating her homegirl, AND she had heard about how you put it down. She used insider information to decide to give you some, then, when the smoke cleared when she got sober, she didn’t want to come off looking like a threesome-type chick, so she’s changing the story.

    Typical. Anyway, this is why once you do something with a drunk chick, you may as well act like it never happened the next time you see her. I do that all the time. Lots of chicks get rather friendly with The Kid when they’re on the sauce, and then when I see them sober, it’s like they never pressed up on me, so that’s how I play it. 😀 Meanwhile, you have the typical guys telling now-sober chicks “Yo. Remember the other night at the bar when we XYZ?” and then the chicks start looking at them funny like they just recognized the dude that stole their purse and they’re ready to call the cops! 😀

  11. THANK YOU
    My friend just tried to use that excuse for hooking up with my brother and I sent her this link

    1. Wow. Unfortunate circumstance, Megan. :/

      However.. Like I said.. When someone’s a grown-ass man or a grown-ass woman, you either know you can handle your liquor or you know that you can’t.

      If you know you can’t handle it, don’t get drunk around people you might hook up with in violation of some agreement you made.

      If you know you CAN handle it, you knew what you were doing when you hooked up.

      Neither one is good.

  12. There was a court case not so long ago somewhere in the mid west when rape accusations were thrown out by the judge when the guy faced charges, because both the guy and the girl were badly drunk during a party and then did the deed very soon after. We do live in strange times, but at least the judge (a woman) saw the “free will” part of two adults. And the prosecutor was crazy enough to pursue this to court.

    A few guys (in college) do crazy things like willfully spiking drinks with nasty substances on top of the alcohol, but some women use this as an excuse to cover up their bad behavior and excessive drinking in regular bars even when there is no illegal added substance. My advice to college going girls in the friends and family circle is simple; never drink out of the bulk jar of drink, but rather to get a fresh bottle/can of say beer and then stop at one; something along what Bill is saying on this post.

    1. Yes, Jim.. There are several “fine lines” in this area.

      If the guy “fed her” alcohol until she was incoherent, he’s potentially liable for whatever happens between them.

      If she incapacitated herself BEFORE hooking up with him, *SHE’S* potentially liable for whatever happens.

      If they both got drunk individually, that’s a third situation.

      The problem with this entire scenario is that once you’re drunk, your recollection is suspect. You can’t say for sure that you said “no” if you simultaneously admit that you don’t remember what happened.

      People, especially women, think that how they would act when they’re sober is how they act when they’re drunk, and that’s just not the truth.

      There are chicks that I know that when they’re sober around me, nothing happens. As soon as they get drunk, they get horny and start feeling me up. It’s a pattern. It’s historically documented. People have seen it.

      These same women would say to their friends (or boyfriends or whatever) “No.. I’d never mess with him”, but that’s not worth anything, because as soon as they get drunk again, they’re down with the situation.

      So, your advice is valid. Women, in particular, need to not drink anything that they didn’t WATCH. THE. BARTENDER. MAKE., and they need to take responsibility for themselves, to not incapacitate themselves from drinking, as if some dude isn’t going to attempt to “take advantage” of the situation.

      Also, don’t put the burden on your girlfriends to babysit you all night, cockblocking dudes from hooking up with you because you got trashed and started flirting with them, climbing up on them, and making out with them.

      Basic, simple advice, but, unfortunately, incessantly necessary, because situations occur all the time where people think they can pass out drunk at a party, bar, or club and nobody’s going to see that as an opportunity to have a good time at their expense.

      However, at the same time, like I said.. If you don’t know how you act when you’re drunk, don’t accuse people of wrongdoing when you’re sober… This chick claimed to her boyfriend that several dudes had raped her, and when they pressed charges, she recanted because one of the dudes that hit it had been videotaping the event, and she was clearly down with it, not being taken advantage of. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/17/nyregion/17hofstra.html

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