Besides smileys in text messages, bright colors, shiny objects and shoes (not necessarily in that order), women LOVE titles. 
If they mess with a guy long enough, they’re going to want to define their relationship with some kind of word, such as “girlfriend” or “fiancee” or “wife”, etc.
As ‘bad’ as it is for her when her guy won’t tell HER they’re together, it gets even worse in public. When they meet people, he either doesn’t introduce her at all or just says her first name, like any other common friend. The question’s always “Why won’t he tell anyone that we’re dating? 
“. So, ladies… Here are a few potential reasons why your guy won’t claim you as his girlfriend…..
1) Because you’re NOT
Let’s start from the start. 
The way the game works is the guy tries to get laid and you tell him what he’s going to have to trade you for the sex. In some cases, that’s a relationship. A guy has two choices… nod, and go along with whatever you said and get some… or refuse to say he’s working towards a relationship with you and get nothing. Odds are that he’s going to say some variation of “we’re dating” in order to get you to lay down and do the right thing. What this MEANS, however… is
nothing.
Nothing at all. He might be “dating” six of y’all and none of y’all know about the others. So what happens is, while you’re waiting for him to give you a title, he’s having his cake and eating it too. This is why he looks all surprised and caught off guard when you say “Where are we going?” or “What are we to each other?”. He’s scrambling to think of something to say other than “You’re one of the chicks I enjoy having sex with”.
2) He already HAS a wife or girlfriend
This SEEMS to be the same as #1, but it’s worse. If you’re one of several chicks that he’s “seeing” 
, you still have a percentage chance of being the cream that rises to the top. If he already has a woman in the top slot that he never told you about, you can forget about picket fences and two-car garages. If you think this might describe YOUR relationship, go read “Ladies: How To Tell He Has A Girlfriend”.
3) Because he doesn’t have to
How do they say… “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”… or was that “Why buy the chicken when you can get the eggs for free?”… Anyway… You get the picture. If he’s already tapping that, you have ZERO leverage to barter for a promotion. If you can figure out how HE’S going to benefit by calling you his girlfriend, then go for it!
Of course, you could always call a sex boycott or embargo, except that’s when you might find out he has more chicks than you “in the pocket”.
4) He doesn’t want to scare off other chicks
Some women have an inability to stick to the facts. When you see a chick you like and ask them “Who’s that?”, they respond “Oh… She has a boyfriend”. Then they stand there as if they adequately responded to your query while you’re thinking “YOU #&(@&%*$ IDIOT! I DIDN’T *ASK* YOU THAT! “.
This situation affects guys in exactly the same way. If a guy’s homegirl has a friend who likes him and she asks about the guy, the response she’ll receive is “Oh… He has a girlfriend”, and his game goes down the drain.
In order to avoid this and maximize one’s options… It’s best not to claim any chicks at all so people can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and stick to the facts when a chick’s tryinna meet a brotha.
5) He’s embarrassed about how you look
Oftentimes… A guy’s standards for a gal he’ll have sex with are LOWER than his standards for a gal he’ll be SEEN with. The fact that he’ll tap that doesn’t mean he’ll go anywhere with you in public… God Forbid being immortalized in pictures with you, EVAR. Even if he’s willing to go out in public with you, it doesn’t mean he’s willing to admit to the depth of your relationship.
Guys are competitive. We all want to be fly and have sex with the hottest chicks. Unfotunately, reality doesn’t always match up to fantasy, and a brothaz gotsta DOOOO what a brothaz gotsta DOO! Nobody wants to be labeled a “Chubby Chaser” or whatever they call guys that like “Butch” females or whatever other fetishes are going on these days. So while he might very well enjoy hooking up with you behind closed doors, he’s not too likely to admit it to the fellaz and ESPECIALLY not likely to claim you as his exclusive girl.
6) Because his boy already tapped that
For some reason that I’ll most likely NEVER understand, women just about universally refuse to believe that guys they have sex with don’t tell their close male friends.
Basically, ladies… You can assume a 16-hour window of privacy… assuming the guy fell asleep for a full 8 hours after he tapped that. The best you can hope for is “Yeah. I hit it”. The worst case… well the WORST case is videotape… but the worst case, normally, is a detailed description of WHERE he hit it (indoors, outdoors, on what furniture/appliance…), WHAT position you were in and HOW MUCH you enjoyed each position.
This being the case… if you insist on dating guys that know each other, they come to the table (dryer, washing machine…) knowing what they can get from you and how much they need to do to get it.
Another unfortunate residual from guys’ competitive nature is that in the case of a chick that several guys have messed with, YOU don’t want to be the one that gets sprung on “Community Property”. Some guys grow out of this and some guys are just glad to be with ANY chick that will give them some at the drop of a hat, so exceptions are made and guys endure the ridicule, funny looks and snide remarks.
For the most part, though… And I’ll NEVER understand this one either… Most guys like to feel that they got their girl “fresh out the box”. It’s part of the competition thing. They like to feel special as if they were the only ones their girl gave it up to. So, for this reason, if you’re currently dating a friend of a guy who already tapped that, and God Forbid… SEVERAL guys that already tapped that, you might have to forget about being claimed as an actual girlfriend and choose a more likely achievement, such as winning the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes.
Tags: admit, bf, boyfriend, claim, community property, dating, DatingGenius, embarrassed, fear of commitment, fiancee, gf, girlfriend, relating, relationships, title, why buy the cow, why he won't, wife
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I love this, first of all i don’t even know how to articulate my thoughts because i can’t stop laughing. It really is true, i think my faves are #2 and #4.
Haha. A funny article as usual. Good work.
hahaha Thanks Flo. I tried to “Tell it like it is”!
Thanks Ian! Cheers!
Totally true…. haha, nice post Bill. Keep up the real thoughts!
Never a truer word spoken…
I think it might be the most honest thing I have ever read on the subject. Sx
@Chris, @Siobhan: Much appreciated.
Thanks for reading and commenting! 
Let ‘em know.
Question, how are you the “Dating Genuis” when I haven’t seen you date a girl the entire time I’ve known you?
Also, might help if I spell Genius right.
@Sandra: Don’t you know that Google holds all the answers that you seek?
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=dating+internet+famous&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=
and also
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=dating+implies+progression&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&oq=
Let me know if you need further clarification.
While none of this applies to me… Bill you write some really entertaining stuff. Always good for a laugh!
Thanks Steve!
I don’t know whether I get more laughs WRITING this stuff or reading people’s reactions to it! 
quick note:
If ya tapped one or more of the buds, not only will you NOT everEverEVER be the girlfriend BUT you aren’t even a girl who happens to be a friend. You the group slide!! Unfair? Unreasoanble? Probably! The only way to ever recover from this is to make the group Alpha Male the last conquest. The top dog is the only one who could bring you back from the abyss but honestly, if he is the top dog no need for a girlfriend so u might fail there as well.
BTW: if you intro’d me as your bf before letting me know, i’ll probably be still refering to u as my “friend” months later. the same way it is insensitive of me to do so, it was more so when you left me searching for words when your friends asked “is this ur new boyfriend” and you said “yes”.
@Frank: Two more excellent and relevant points.
Oh Man! “Not even a girl who happens to be a friend”! hahaha Damn.
That’s really a great recovery prospect, bagging the Alpha Male and getting him to vouch for her that she’s turned over a new leaf. Who’s going to argue with him? I mean, until she gets caught with the next man.
However, IME, the Alpha prolly tapped it FIRST anyway. If he wasn’t the one that got her first, he “passed” and one of his boys tagged up first. So it’s really not very likely (as you mentioned) that a chick would be able to pull this off.
And that other thing, about her going ahead and using titles she wasn’t given? No dice.
That could DEFINITELY lead to problems in one’s social circle, and might actually be grounds for dismissal… depending of course, how SPRUNG the dude is on “that thang”! 
Number five made me chuckle a good one and then number six made me loose it
. I’ve got a personal experience with both that are very memorable, that I wish were forgettable.
Also would like to add:
7) He’s gay, deal with it.
Likely that hot guy who wears the really nice close and takes care of his skin better than you do doesn’t deliver his goods to chickadees. All us metrosexuals look up to them for advice and style points (let’s face it) and hate that they normally get more hot chick attention then straight guys. If you’re really hot, this won’t change anything. PLEASE move on and stop trying to change a guy!
… Also personal experience with a friend. The chick was determined to sleep with him, did, then though he’d go straight. Amusing and awkward to hear about in a 16 hour window
.
@Nuno: hahaha I’m entertained that you’re entertained!
Your #7 addition works perfectly if a gal’s just meeting a guy or doesn’t know anything about him yet, haha
I was aiming towards people in active relationships, though, so that one never crossed my mind.
The reason I posted was that I’m always hearing about dating situations that have CLEARLY gotten as “serious” as they’re going to, and while the guy’s enjoying himself and getting laid, the girl’s trying to figure out how to get to the next phase… or even get him to SAY they’re at the next phase.
Meanwhile, the guy knows that the higher rank he gives her, the tougher it’s gonna be on HER when he breaks up with her, so he just avoids the conversation until he’s ready to say “I need some space” or “It’s not you… it’s me”… *YAWN*
[...] Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend – Bill Cammack [...]
[...] himself “AlphaBean”, and here’s what he had to say, which pertained to my post, “Ladies: Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend”: 3) I don’t like that list. It sounds like it’s trying to be scientific, without [...]
Where are the women out there who simply enjoy sex in much the same way described here? Am I the only one who likes to have some just for the fun of it while I’m out there looking for Mr. Right? I am here to say that women like it just for fun, too!!!!! And will I lie (or perhaps omit facts) about a few things when I meet someone who might be Mr. Right? What do you think?
This post was hysterical!!!
I some how stumbled upon it…
I pose this question however:
Let me not sound full of myself, however it may sounds so…I know I look good there’s no doubt about that. I’ve been dating a certain someone for 6 months now. all in all everythings great and is probably one of the most relaxed “relationships” I’ve ever been in. If anything I play the male role in this “relationship” for the fact that I want/ could have sex all the time..I’m never denied it however there has been countless times where I must initiate. So trust me he gets it PLENTY & hes not complaining. Of course he had to work for it in the beginning i wasn’t about to fork it out front & center..I know how that game is played. We also live in a small town so theres no possible way he could be having someone on the side without me finding out about it…everyone else sees us as girlfriend and boyfriend. “together” ..a “relationship”…i feel as if it is so as well, except him. I’m his girlfriend. But not his “girlfriend” and the only difference to him of course is him saying it. Even though we clearly act like it alone and in public.
So I believe that rules out :
Giving it up first thing since, well lets be honest after the 8th or so date i had to crawl ontop of him and ask for a little lovin’…i think he was trying to be a gentlemen.
hes not seeing someone on the side & isnt getting it from else where nor does he have a wife or girlfriend.
I look good. So we can nix the part about hes embarrassed to be seen with me. His ego/ standards are so big he couldn’t afford to be gettin with someone with less than perfect looks. (hahaha not trying to sound conceited)
Hes already done and scared of the chicks way back when/ and continues to openly do so.
And no none of his boys have tapped that, for the fact that i don’t sleep around.
So then whats the deal? boycott some sex or what?!
@Kristin: Sorry I’m responding to your post so late. I didn’t get the notification and only noticed your reply because of coming to see Veronica’s reply.
The women who simply enjoy sex are busy enjoying their lives.
The women out to have fun ARE the women having fun. It’s the women who are trying to maintain relationships without any true leverage that do the most internet posting. It’s kind of the “squeaky wheel gets the oil” situation.
Women who are doing THEIR thing don’t need plans and rules. They see what they want and go for it.
Hey Veronica. Thanks for the props and the comments!
Also, congratulations on your looks. You sound like you’re HOLDIN’ IT DOWN! hahaha Just make sure you stay in that GYM, to make sure you look fly as long as possible!
Based on what you wrote, assuming you have a firm grasp of reality, you might be able to chalk your BF’s way of being up to DENIAL.
I’ve said a million times that if somehow (THANK GOD!) I had been forced to live in the sticks, I would have been married by now, because there just isn’t enough selection to justify a plan other than meeting the best girl you can get and “locking her down”. According to what you said, he’s at the top of his game right now, so it’s time for him to retire (settle down).
First of all, I wouldn’t recommend a “sex embargo” unless you’re willing to accept the possibility that he might dump you for “lack of utility”. There’s no point in dating the top chick in the county if you can’t tap that. Move on down the line to the next contestant that’s “down for the cause”.
It’s possible that he’s just trying to maintain his own sense of autonomy. If he can avoid calling you his girlfriend and still “get the milk for free without buying the cow”, he’ll do that.
Another possibility is that he’s not seeing you as a long-term girlfriend. Yeah, you’re his girl right now, but maybe he’s planning to go to college (don’t know how old y’all are) in another area or get a job in another area. If he does that and doesn’t take you with him, that’s that.
As strange as it sounds, hahaha My suggestion to you is to have a sit-down with him and ask him STRAIGHT-UP why he won’t verbalize the reality of your current relationship. If he doesn’t have a good excuse, let him know that it’s bugging you and it’s something you wish y’all could resolve.
This gives him two chances to do the right thing.
He can either do the right thing by giving up the ghost, since he doesn’t have a good reason not to, OR he can do the right thing because it would make you feel better, and he’s supposed to care about you feeling good, right?
Good Luck!
Kristen: I actually have a femail friend who has been with (at the very least) 35 partners and she GETZ way more respect and consideration than the one who has only been with 4. Why? Simple! My friend can (when single) see a dude in a bar/club/street/etc and simply say “ima hit dat!” I can appreciate a WOMAN who can admit they like to F*CK TOO! My other friend, only for guys in her past and all under the banner of boyfriend. She is the type to commit to a commitment just to justify the sex and not be considered a “hoe”. I love her to death but gets no respect for her interpretation of what a hoe is.
Veronica: so he still hasn’t called you his girlfriend? hmmmm… Sounds like a normal man to me. Its called options! Many men (and I have been guilty as any) will sometimes have the perfect girl right in front of them BUT we like to keep our options open in case the better looking, freakier girl comes along! Its sad but true. You could very well be everything he has ever envisioned in a partner, he is probably waiting for the tight bodied 18 year old who could trump your qualifications! You get up on him and initiate, you are perfect but theres probably some one out there who will do the same and invite her just as hot BFF into the mix. OPTIONS!. He might just be waiting!
@Frank: Important point. A lot of women think that because the hook up with guys under the umbrella of “a relationship” that they won’t be considered hoes for being serial monogamists. The problem is that the judgements (fair or unfair) will come from numbers of guys in whatever period of time.
It’s also true that the way a woman carries herself makes a difference. If she has a powerful personality, and she’s choosing, she could get dap, but when a woman is just perceived as “easy”, that tends to get around pretty quickly, and like they say in the cartoons, her name is mud.
Bill, searched for “commitment issues” on Google and somehow found your site. I couldn’t have read this at a better time. I have been dating/FWB with this man for nearly 2 years. We at first had fun, then dated, then broke up, then were FWB, then slowly merged into dating again (He started taking me out places again, introduced me to his friends for the first time, told me liked me and wanted to be with me), broke up again just a week ago, and now, we’re casual again, I guess.
I just don’t understand him at all. It’s like the moment he starts getting close to me, he freaks out and pulls away and uses his job as an excuse. The first time he broke up with me, he said his job took up too much of his time, I deserve better, etc. and this is just as we were getting close! This last time he broke up with me, he said the exact same words. I mean, this last time was the closest we ever got to becoming a real couple… he had never admitted he liked me and wanted to be with me, nor showed me off to his friends before! I know I shouldn’t have agreed to being casual again, since most likely, we’ll continue down the same path we were on before and slowly merge into dating again and then he’ll freak out. I don’t know what to do. I’m so utterly confused!
And, he has the nerve to ask me what I’m wearing when I go out and if I’m planning to meet other men?? He’s probably joking..but seriously..why would he even ask something like that? Argh. I will never understand. 
Hey Tara
There are a bunch of potential reasons why this is happening, including (but not limited to):
Either way, “You deserve better” is a common ploy of breaking up with you “for your own good”. He appears to be doing you a favor and looking out for your best interests, however, unless YOU expressed to him that you weren’t getting enough time from him, he’s making ish up out of thin air and he just isn’t willing to say that he’s not feelin’ you like a girlfriend/fiancee/wife/whatever.
As far as your agreeing to be casual AGAIN, that’s on you. There’s no “should” or “shouldn’t”. You decided that you were cool with that, so that’s how the cookie crumbled. Your only other option was to NOT be casual with him anymore and probably not have him involved in your life AT. ALL. Look what happened to Rihanna. She got jacked up, but she knows where her bread is buttered. People can say she “SHOULD” have left Chris Brown until the cows come home, and she’s still going to do what SHE feels is going to give her the life that SHE wants to live. Capisce?
Of course he wants to know what you’re wearing, because he wants to assess the possibility that the next man is going to find you attractive and scoop you up so he can’t put you through the wash cycle again. A lot of guys play games with chicks until it’s too late and they can’t get them back. It’s kind of like Musical Chairs. Dude doesn’t want to find out that he thought he had you on smash and then the next man sat down in his seat when the music ended and he LOST!
Overall, you have to find out what this guy’s goal in life is. Does he want kids? Does he want a family? Does he want a wife? Does he intend to settle down, evAr?… If not, get used to the cycle. If so, it’s gonna be on you to figure out why he keeps backing off of you instead of taking y’all’s relationship to “higher” levels.
Good Luck!
Wow, thanks Bill for the thorough advice! I honestly think it’s a combination of mostly #2 and #3, but who knows. I would hope he’s not doing #1 because I had a health scare (nothing serious after tests, luckily) at the doctor, which scared us, and maybe brought out the truth about how many women he’s been with- the number was shortened by 4, haha! Of course, I didn’t tell him I noticed that though..
It just really upsets me because before he “broke up” with me, I went out with his friends, and they were all really nice and accepting of me. That was the first time I had met anyone in nearly 2 years of dating! One good friend said she had known about me for a long time, heard nice things, and was glad to finally meet me, and her boyfriend was introducing me to their friends all night. His roommate/best friend even said that he was glad we were working on things and that he knew everything about us. I figured that said a lot coming from his best friend? When I asked him about what they told me, he claimed they were just drunk- go figure.
I did express to him that I want some more time with him, after he initially said he wanted to see me more. Well, when he started breaking plans, I got upset, and yes, I did the unthinkable- NAG(!) about what he originally promised me, and then he got upset, saying he’s not there for me when I need him, and that I need too much time. Whatever!
Well, now we are “casual”, and I’m doing my best to not show that I’m suffering without him and keeping myself busy and entertained. He’s been contacting me (predictably), and the last time, he said he has been missing me. I reminded him that in his own words, he doesn’t have a lot of time for me. He said sorry, and told me to “know” that he did like me.
At this point, I’m thinking he’s on drugs because we are “broken up” and before we broke up, when I was complaining about how I didn’t get to see him as promised, he told me to remember that he liked me and not to worry so much.
haha Of course they know “all about you”, because that’s what (some) guys do… Tell their boys all about the fun they’re having with their current chick(s). For some, that’s half the fun of messing with a chick in the first place is telling your boys war stories.
As far as “not to show that I’m suffering”, you’re not alone in that one. A lot of women do the same thing for some odd reason. I don’t know if it’s pride and not wanting to LOOK affected by the guy or trying to convince yourselves that you’re not or some form of attempt not to guilt him into “returning”, but it doesn’t make any sense
Maybe you can explain to me what the benefit is of concealing from him that you’re hurt.
Original Promises are pretty much worthless, IMO. That’s one reason I don’t get involved in all this dramatic “relationship” stuff. There’s how I feel about a chick RIGHT NOW, and that’s it. I get contacted, then I check myself for the feeling of “Yes, I want to see her right now”, “I couldn’t care one way or the other” or “Nope, Not Interested” and then I make my decision. So, being the type of person who’s no longer interested in the same thing five hours after I WAS interested, I’m not inclined to put any faith in or value upon what someone told me weeks ago, months ago or years ago… UNLESS that person has already proven to me to be trustworthy, in which case their word stands as their word until I believe otherwise.
The thing is here, you have to learn not to base your decisions and feelings on his WORDS. Clearly, dude’s liable to tell you ANYTHING and he has no intention of letting you in on his actual agenda. IMO, Your best bet is to be as casual with him as he is with you and spend your time trying to meet a guy who’s bout-it bout-it when it comes to you… Preferably through friends of yours so you have checks and balances and some idea from the beginning of whether this guy is actually looking for ONE girlfriend or not.
P.S. As far as family goes, he lives far from them, several states away. He is close to them, though. I’ve never heard of him talking about marriage or anything, though he has claimed a wedding song for us after a few beers one night, lol. He has also made small comments/jokes about how many kids we’re going to have, but other than that, I don’t really know anything concrete about if he wants to settle down or anything. I guess I’m too afraid to ask that because I don’t want him to think I’m after a ring.
I also should add that all of his best friends, including his roommate, now all have girlfriends, are engaged, or are married with kids, as they are all into their late 20’s/early-mid 30’s. He is one of the few left who are single.. Maybe he feels pressured?
hehe “Claimed Wedding Song” hahaha I’m going to have to try that out and see how that works. I can actually imagine that stuff as being a good technique. I’m going to try it this weekend, ‘matter of fact. On a complete stranger!
PLEASE Stop listening to what this guy SAYS. Guys will say ANYTHING and it doesn’t mean JACK. People drinking will say ANYTHING, and it doesn’t mean JACK. Just the other day, a friend of mine told me that I told her I loved her (after I had had myriad drinks, of course). That’s possible, but I can’t corroborate or deny hahaha. Actually, I think I’ll print the disclaimer: “Ladies… If I’m on beer #7 or if it’s after 1am on any given day, please absolutely DISREGARD *ANYTHING* that I tell you!
I was probably too drunk to stop myself from flirting with you. Stick to the stuff I told you while I was sober! 
Hi Bill,
What do you do when they tell everyone you are their girlfriend but, we are getting married next month and he won’t tell anyone he is getting married?
All I said was that if he waited too long to tell his family, they would be hurt he didn’t tell him and invite them to the wedding.
Hey Deena
I’ll have to say that I’ve never, EVER heard of the scenario you just presented and I’m sure there are A LOT OF WOMEN who would LOVE to have your ‘problem’
.. That they’re definitely getting married, it’s just that nobody’s going to be there except for the Justice of the Peace or whomever performs marriages in your area.
Actually, if you’re getting married four weeks from now, 28 days from now, he should have been referring to you as his fiancée for a long time already. In case you’re not familiar with that term, it means the person to whom he’s engaged to be married.
By introducing you as such, he would have been announcing to people that he intended to marry you so that if it just ‘happened’ out of the blue, it wouldn’t have been a surprise to people. If he hasn’t been doing that, his “girlfriend” will suddenly become his “wife”… unless he’s planning on not telling people you GOT married after the fact.
Good Luck!
Thanks for your reply Bill. Yeah my situation is a little different.
We have only been engaged a short while; just a couple of months (we’ve been seeing each other for nearly 5 years though) so I don’t think he has referred to me as fiance to anyone.
We are just having our witnesses and the celebrant who performs the marriage and that is it. That is fine with me as we are both really nervous around other people and don’t like a big public fuss.
I don’t think he plans on telling anyone we are married after we are married either.
My family and friends all know but he is not telling his family and friends.
He’ll have to tell them sometime. I just think the longer he waits, the worse it might be for him as he obviously lies to his family to keep them from knowing about me. I think he is worried about being judged but honestly I think his fears are unsupported as his family seem really easy going.
You’re welcome, Deena. With the new information, I can’t decide whether he’s hiding you or he’s just picky about who it is that knows his business. There’s a rather fine line between the two.
If a guy’s embarrassed about you, he’s going to hide you. If he doesn’t want to admit that you’re his type or whatever, that’s what’s going to happen. You see this a lot when guys end up dating (or even worse, having kids with and/or marrying) a chick that’s known locally to be a ho. This has nothing to do with you, haha I’m just saying that when a guy gets sprung off of a chick that everybody else already tapped, he knows he’s going to be a laughing stock and get laughed at behind his back and in front of his face, so it’s in his best interest to hide the fact that he’s claiming a chick everybody else already screwed and dumped as his woman.
OTOH.. If he cherishes his relationship to you and doesn’t care what anybody else thinks about it, that’s actually a GOOD thing and shows that he’s focused on you. Obviously, by the fact that you think your boyfriend is going to be “judged” for messing with you, you feel that his family thinks lowly of you for some reason. If he doesn’t share their opinion, then it makes sense that he’s not telling them JACK, because all they’re going to do with the information is try to make his life worse by constantly nagging him about you.
As far as “He’ll have to tell them sometime”, stop believing in that pipe dream. That’s ridiculous. There’s no reason he would EVER have to tell ANYONE that he already knows or meets in the future that you’re his wife, his girlfriend or that he ever tapped that in life. Believe me.. Chicks come and go without a trace and nobody except the guy and girl are aware that the two of them ever messed around. As long as both parties know how to keep their business “out the street”, nobody will ever know, which makes no difference anyway, because nobody’s paying us to divulge who we’re dating.
If someone offers your boyfriend/fiance $50,000 to tell his parents about you, maybe he will. Other than that, it doesn’t look likely. Good Luck!
Hi Bill, I think it might have something to do with me being 19 years older than he is. His good work friend who is the same age he is was trying to guess information about me. I do think he was telling him anything because it isn’t any of his business and I think he was worried about being judged. He told me his work friend guessed my age to be late 20s like they are. I had to laugh. I don’t think I look that young but nobody ever guesses me over 35. Then my fiance told him I was in my 40s and I guess it just blew him away. His worries turned out to be nothing. I’m not going to worry about him telling his family or not. It isn’t my problem.
Yeah… 19 years older might just do it.
hahahahaha
This is going to call for a completely separate post, which I’ll link here after I write it… But basically, there are certain situations where you have to walk into a relationship knowing you’re going to take certain “shorts”. Being 19 years older (or younger) than your SO is one of them.
You can NOT walk into a relationship like this believing you’re going to be treated as “a regular person”. It’s absolutely unrealistic. You can’t ask people that you’re messing with or in relationships with to carry burdens they’re not built to carry.
The vast, VAST majority of our society is going to have a problem with y’all’s age disparity. The best way to deal with that is to keep it under the hat. Don’t say anything about it. This way, you and he live the life that you built for yourselves, and he doesn’t have to be bothered with people attempting to impose their personal brainwashing on him, day in and day out.
The fact of the matter is.. “Legal is Legal”, Period. There’s a reason why there are age of consent laws across the USA (and, to a degree, the entire world). If he’s in his 20s, he can mess with as old a chick as he feels like. Unfortunately, society likes to treat a lot of laws like a lowest common denominator instead of an over/under. Even though you’re perfectly within your rights to have a 20-something boyfriend, people are still brainwashed that you should only mess with people +/- 3 years from your own age, give or take.
So, like I said, in this case, you’re going to have to take that short. You’re going to have to be a ghost as far as the people he knows are concerned, because otherwise, they will continually nag him until he either has to stop interacting with THEM or stop interacting with YOU.
Yes. I never mention the age to anyone. It is nobody’s business. If people want to pry, then they are just being nosy and no need to respond to that.
I think any any situation like that, being confident and sure of yourself and your beliefs go a long way towards not getting flack.
My ex husband was 11 years older than me and nobody blinked an eye over it.
His mum will come to visit him at sometime and notice I am living there so I guess then she will know we are together lol.
My fiance’s workmates seem to be a bit jealous of him now. Funny.
Anyway, I’m glad I stumbled upon your site. It is interesting and you are a good writer.
Cheers,
Deena
Thanks for the props, Deena.
That’s right. It’s nobody’s business. As long as he’s happy with you and you’re happy with him, that’s what makes the days good and eventually, that’s what makes your entire life good.
Being confident is good, but honestly not caring is even better. Friends of mine over the years can attest to the fact that people have ALWAYS been trying to tell me what kind of chicks I should be dating when they have no idea who I am OR what floats my boat. So, their opinion is useless and all they can do for me is introduce me to a chick that’s my type and let me do what I do
As far as your ex being older than you, life isn’t fair. Double-Standards will remain status quo. Women will never NOT be seen as so-called “Cougars” for kicking it with younger men. Older guys will never stop getting a pat on the back for bagging younger chicks. C’est La Vie.
Yeah, if his moms comes over and you’re cold lampin’, she’ll get the picture that her little boy’s all grown up.
Of course his workmates are jealous. They’re all dating younger girls that have no clue what to do with a man, physically. They imagine that your BF is living that life, and he probably IS! hahaha