Tech Stole Your Girlfriend!

A lot of guys are paranoid that they’re going to lose their women or that they’re going to cheat on them with the next man. Those days are over. There’s a new sheriff in town… A new menace, threatening the raps and relationships of guys across the country and throughout the entire world. This menace needs to be recognized and STOPPED IN ITS TRACKS before it’s able to take down all of human civilization….

Fellaz!!! Gather together in UNITY, against our COMMON ENEMY!!!

TECH!!! πŸ™

Morpheus: We don’t know who struck first. Us or them. But we do know it was us that scorched the sky. At the time, they were dependent on solar power. It was believed they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun……

Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate, it seems, is not without a sense of irony…..

Now, I know you’re probably laughing and you think The Kid’s trippin’, but hold on to your hats. I have evidence! πŸ˜€

I didn’t think anything of it at the time… but NINE MONTHS AGO, back in January, 2008, I was at a TweetUp and tried to take this picture:

Joyce, Julia, Jesse, Laura @ Bill

Now… Joyce, Julia, Jesse and myself are all looking right at the camera. That would appear to indicate that the photographer had called everyone’s attention to the fact that a picture was about to be taken… But Wait A Minute!!!… Where’s LAURA looking? That’s right… at TECH. Now, in case you thought she wasn’t AWARE that a picture was being taken, look how she has that “I’m about to be in a picture” smile on her face… YET she CAIN’T tear herself away from TECH to fully engage the photographer with everyone else. :/

Like I said, I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It was just a funny aspect of one of my myriad Flickr pictures.

So fast forward six months to June, 2008. I go to a NNN / Tumblr Rock Band party, and I’m trying to talk to Michelle:

Michelle & Bill

BOOM! Look at that! TECH rears its ugly head again! See the disparity? A brotha’z gettin’ his DRINK on, and a sistah’z gettin’ her TECH on! You see where this is going? This is a serious problem, guys. πŸ™

So a couple of weeks later, still in June 2008, (even though Mike jacked up the shot, and you can’t see the TECH), I’m trying to get Lux’s attention, but nooooooooo… TECH wins AGAIN! πŸ™

Lux & Bill

So the last straw, and where I realized this post needed to be written, was three months after that, in September, 2008. I attended TechSet, and Bryan wanted to take a picture of Chrissie & The Kid:

Photo by Bryan Thatcher

Notice how I’m already posing, the shot is already framed and the flash is mounted on the camera and working properly. Meanwhile, Chrissie’s FULL ATTENTION is on TECH, except for the motor skills she’s siphoned off to tell me something that was probably “Right after I finish Twittering…” :/

Now, to all of my friends’ credit, I have great, non-Tech-cockblocked pictures with Michelle, Lux, Laura AND Chrissie, hahaha πŸ˜€ Still… The problem has been REVEALED and must be ADDRESSED!

If your girl seems distant, do NOT blame the next man… blame TECH! πŸ™
If your girl is late to meet you somewhere, BLAME TECH!
If your girl doesn’t show up AT ALL, it’s probably because TECH changed the location in her calendar application.
If your girl doesn’t answer her phone, it’s probably because TECH is redirecting *YOUR* calls to her voicemail.
Every time your girlfriend “dialed you with her ass”, that was TECH calling you up to inform you how good a time she was having WITHOUT. YOU!

Get the picture? Guys, we have GOT to band together, before it’s too late!!!

If you STILL don’t believe me… Did you notice that the next big thing is called… ANDROID?

Check these guys out! hahaha “Hi ………… Wel Come To Moun Tain View California…… I Am Spea King Here At Goo Gle’s Headquarters” hahaha

I guarantee you the android phones will steal their women, ASAP. Watch! πŸ˜€

Go ahead and keep sleeping, dudes, but when it happens TO YOU… Just remember that The Kid warned you to keep your girl FAR. AWAY. FROM. TECH!

If she wants to go to Cancun with her girlfriends, no problem. If she wants to get a new Tech Gadget, *VETO* that ish WITH THA QUICKNEZZ!!! πŸ˜€


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  1. Is it men or just YOU?

    You don’t show evidence of this happening with other men. Now, that being said, I don’t think it’s you. Tech is not a replacement for men, though advances in technology have made battery operated toys the new “crack,” tech is an enhancement.

  2. @Shannon: LMAO! πŸ˜€ That’s Fantastic! πŸ˜€

    That’s a perfectly legitimate question, hahaha. I’m just about never talking about myself in these posts, because I’m a natural. I don’t even have to say anything to get raps. I get on via eye contact, charisma & presence. πŸ˜€

    Having said that, it’s my opinion that tech is MOST CERTAINLY a replacement for men who aren’t physical with their women. If a dude isn’t “representin’ in the bedroom”, his relationship to his woman is strictly cerebral. This makes his relationship as vulnerable over the internet as if his woman *NSFW* went on vacation by herself to The Bahamas and met “Dexter” *NSFW* (Credit: Eddie Murphy).

    lol, Also, I’m not talking about “Physical Tech”, even though they have devices that hook up to iPods and vibrate now, so… “One Never Knows… DO One?” πŸ˜€

  3. Great post. Cracks me up every time and the Android demo movie is just priceless. πŸ˜€
    “Hi Ò€¦Ò€¦Ò€¦Ò€¦ Wel Come To Moun Tain View CaliforniaÒ€¦Ò€¦ I Am Spea King Here At Goo GleÒ€ℒs Headquarters” – Indeed. lol

    1. Thanks man. πŸ™‚

      The funny thing about that video is that I didn’t even know what they were talking about at the time, and I ended up actually buying a G1. :/

      So while I was snapping at the time, I ended up going out just like THEY WILL hahaha πŸ˜€

      (check the hip)
      Bill + G1 + Flo

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