How To Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend

When a woman leaves you, you may feel heartbroken, depressed, wistful, horny, betrayed, disappointed… 🙁 any number of feelings, consecutively or simultaneously. Here are five tips on how to move on with your life, and learn to love again………

1) Have sex with her sister

hahahahaha Just Kidding! 😀

… unless her sister’s HAWT!

This won’t help you feel better about yourself if her sister’s like “eeeh, ok”, because she’s not an upgrade. Depending on how mediocre she is, you may end up feeling EXPONENTIALLY WORSE! 🙁

Also, this does NOT… repeat… DOES *NOT* work with her best-girlfriend! Do Not Make This Mistake. A lot of women are extremely emotionally volatile & catty. Their friendships with other women turn on a dime… like happened in her relationship to YOU! 😀 This means that there’s the potential that in the very near future, your ex-girlfriend won’t care AT ALL about you banging her friend, so you basically wasted your time. (Note for non-Americans… “Banging” is a slang term for “having sex”, most likely derived from the sound the woman’s head makes against the headboard)

2) Have sex with her mother

ok, *NOW* I’m kidding! 😀

… unless her mother’s RICH!…….. and HAWT!

3) Get a hobby

Take that extra energy that you have, now that you’re not tappin’ that three times a day, and start working out. You want to meet women in the gym anyway, because they’re WYSIWYG. They don’t get to hide their muffin-tops under those Pee-wee Herman maternity dresses.

Besides… You were probably getting flabby anyway, since you knew you were going to get laid, regardless, so working out is a double-win for you.

4) Make tons of money

The best revenge is living well. Now that she’s not with you, buy that yacht and sail past her house every Saturday with your new girlfriends that you picked up at the gym! 😀 Rev your new Ferrari’s engine outside that diner where she’s working the overnight shift to make ends meet after her regular job on the assembly line at the sock factory.

oh… wait….. Make sure you didn’t have any kids with her before y’all broke up! If you did, skip this tip, because the more money you make, the more you have to give her in alimony and child support, so you’d actually be better off trying to figure out how to get her back instead of buying boats and cars. 😀

5) Drink alcohol

Helps you forget your ex ever existed and makes her sister look better, in case you decide to try #1. 😀


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  1. All women who read post the best remedy is to consume your time with something such as a HOBBY and pay for a therapist so you do not have all your BUSINESS in the street! You are straight up silly, Bill!

  2. @Jenn: lololol hahahaha Don’t worry! 😀

    The version for the ladies will be completely different. This one was for the fellaz! 😀

    Stay tuned for “How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend”! 😀

  3. Bill, ya know, I read this and didn’t have a very good reaction to it. (I guess I was expecting “serious” from a guy who refers to himself in the third person as “The Kid”? :D)
    Anyway, would enacting revenge fantasies actually help someone move on? I’ll buy going to the gym if you’ve been slacking (down to a two pack?) but what would you do if your ex didn’t have a hot (hawt?) sistah/mothah situation and you already blew your wad trying to live the high life when you were with her? Then what?? HUH!?!?!?
    Then you mis-prescribe alcohol as a means of memory erasure when it’s probably better used as a sedative (I think it helps to cut down on the late night crying… but I can’t quite remember – LOL) and should’ve been listed under “hobby” anyway.

    Five days later and I still can’t stop tsk, tsking over this one. Tchah, mon! Is this your idea of responsible bloggin’? 😉

  4. Sorry, Steve… I never got a notification that you posted this and only saw it because I was writing “Ladies: How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend”.

    hmm… Revenge Fantasies? I just looked at my post again and didn’t see any. I guess you’re referring to tapping her sister or mother…. Those aren’t “revenge fantasies”. 😀

    Those are COURTESIES you extended to her by making her relatives off-limits while you were in a relationship to her. You deprived yourself of doing what YOU wanted to do for HER sake. Therefore, they’re actually SATISFACTION fantasies, not REVENGE fantasies. You’re expressing your new-found freedom by doing what you would have done in the first place if you weren’t putting every ounce of your willpower towards respecting your (now-ex) girlfriend. 😀

    Like I said, if the doesn’t have hawt relatives, it’s a non-issue. Who cares?

    I see your point about alcohol as memory erasure. I didn’t mean long-term, I meant short-term. This is one of the reasons why people like to claim alcohol as an excuse for having sex with someone they weren’t supposed to. They temporarily FORGOT that they had a bf/gf/husband/wife and want to be forgiven for their transgressions because “they weren’t themselves”. This is why alcohol comes in handy.

    Besides… It’s a different experience now that you don’t have to explain yourself to someone the morning after, no? 😀

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