Last week, I let the fellaz know how to get over an ex-girlfriend. This week, I have tips for the ladies for what to do when that relationship ends….
1) Consume mass quantities of Häagen-Dazs ice cream
Häagen-Dazs ice cream is the de facto substitute for sex for women. Everybody knows this. If you haven’t tried it yet, stop reading this post and go get some right now. I’m not sure that there’s one flavor in particular that works across the board, but find the right one, and it’ll tickle your ivories for sure. Similar to dogs for men, Häagen-Dazs is woman’s best friend. Eat enough of it, and you’ll wonder why you cared that your man left you in the first place.
2) Commiserate with your female friends
Make sure you tell your girlfriends that you and your man broke up. All of a sudden, they’ll have all these reasons why he was no good for you in the first place, and you’re better off without him. This will make you feel very good… that is… until you realize that they knew all this stuff BEFORE and should have told you about it so you could have dumped HIM before he dumped YOU.
Make sure you reserve some extra nastiness for the chicks that tell you how your ex has been hitting on them the whole time. As your homegirl, it was their obligation to tell you that your man was trying to get some from them. Also, make sure you add a level to whatever they tell you. That’s how it works with women. If they admit to kissing your man, that means they blew him. If they admit to blowing him, that means they had sex with him, etc.
3) Go to a male strip club
Going to a male strip club will remind you that your man was flabby and out of shape to begin with, so to hell with him. 
Just make sure not to overdo it. Avoid actual physical interaction with the strippers AT.ALL.COSTS! Mark my words, you will end up either on an internet site that specializes in that kind of thing, or even worse, on your local public access television station doing what you did, for all to see.
4) Post about him on the internet
Mosey on over to DontDateHimGirl or HollaBackNYC (or wherever you live, they have a bunch of HollaBack sites) and drag his name through the mud. Nobody actually reads those sites, but you’ll feel a lot better, because it allows you to commiserate with women around the world instead of just the ones you get to bitch and moan to while waiting to get into spin class.
5) Get back in shape
Most likely, the reason he broke up with you (or engineered your breaking up with HIM) is that he lost interest in having sex with you. Getting back in shape will not only make him KICK HIMSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY… but he’ll be insanely jealous of the next man that gets to tap that. He’ll also probably start making moves to get you back, so you get the enjoyment of rejecting him on a daily basis!
In the words of my friend, Patricia…
“~Bill
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all good ones- but you are not a woman!
as for getting back into shape- maybe the guy leaves a girl for other reasons, not just body image- we already have society telling us we have to look a certain way
xoxox
@Jill: lolol Good Observation, that I’m not a chick!
Feel free to make your own list and post the link here! I’d be interested in the differences between your ideas and mine!
*MUAHZ*
Let ‘em know!
@Polymagnanimous Bill: You gonna follow up with hygiene for the ladies next?
@Steve: hahaha Nah man… I think I’ll leave hygiene up to one of the LADIES to blog about on THEIR OWN BLOG! hahaha
However, now that you mention it… Guys like to wash their cars, so maybe I’ll do a post called “How To Wash Your Girlfriend”…
Except that gets into physical techniques, which I don’t discuss here… DatingGenius is a FAMILY Show!
Very funny.. This advice is definately comming from a guy, because any female that was truely in love would need some better advice. But this was good for a few laughs.
@Patricia: haha Yes, you’re right. This is advice from a guy on what women can/should do after getting dumped. However the Häagen-Dazs part is absolutely true!
Try it out sometime, and let us know how it was!
Haha, very amusing!
http://www.rebuildyourrelationship.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back.html
You are so retarded!!! NONE of this was helpful! hahaha…
@Nikki: I sowwyyy
Read a few more! Maybe you’ll get something out of one of THOSE!
Not sure that a man would stop having sex with a woman because she’s out of shape. Isn’t it her personality that attracted him to her in the first place? Just an observation.
The Häagen-Dazs ice cream point is interesting. Being from ‘down under’ I have never heard of it – and I won’t be telling my partner about it as I don’t ever want to be substituted!
Hi Bob. Thanks for the comment!
I’m not sure if you’re aware of using smileys as punctuation on the internet, but if you put a colon “:” followed by a “)” or a “D” it makes one of those yellow heads that’s either smiling or laughing. If you’re not sure, click the “Preview” button below this box.
The reason I bring this up is that without punctuation that indicates a joke, or at least “hahaha” at the end of a sentence, it sounds like you’re serious.
See, I can tell you were joking with your second sentence, because I know a brotha’z not goin’ out like that that you’re gonna let anyone replace you with some ice cream!
So, your first sentence is throwing me off. Perhaps if you had put italics around “personality” so it looked like this:
Or, even better… you could have put a wink at the end!
Anyway, in case you were serious,
I’m sure that in some societies, where the women pretty much all look exactly the same, looks aren’t a factor when it comes to a guy wanting to mess with a chick. Actually, I see that here in America a lot as well in some groups that tend to have more homely chicks on average. I find myself wondering “What exactly is the difference between this one and that one?”. However, for the most part, physical attraction makes a difference as far as wanting to meet her in the first place and then wanting to have sex with her in the second.
So what happens is, if you meet a gal when she’s in a certain physical shape and then she sits around eating bon bons until her body achieves a state of disrepair, the brain refuses to send blood to the necessary organs in order for the guy to have sex with her. It’s like “No… No, I’m NOT going to send any blood down there. I’d rather use it for thinking, thank you very much”.
This is why the pharmaceutical industry is making a killing selling guys pills to get that blood flowing into the proper areas. Some of these guys have legitimate physical issues that are preventing them from “getting it up”. Other guys just aren’t messing with women that sufficiently turn them on, so they need a little assistance.
This is also why the porno industry will always thrive. A lot of guys imagine some other chick while they’re having sex with their wives or girlfriends. Either way, they’re finding workarounds to the fact that their SO just doesn’t do it for them, physically.
BTW… I wasn’t kidding about the Ice Cream, hahaha it’s a STAPLE for single NYC chicks!
[...] around aimlessly in the streets of New York City with nothing better to do with their lives than eat Haagen-Dazs and order [...]
Funny post, Bill, and very true!
Bob Gill, I suppose the women in Australia can substitute any high-quality brand of ice cream for Häagen-Dazs, but the idea should be the same.;)
haha Thanks, Scott!
I like Breyers, myself… Dunno how H-D became so popular with the ladies. It might be because of all the different flavor selections. I’ll have to research this now that you bring it up, haha.
Cheers!
Pfffffffffffffft. Ben and Jerrys New York Super Fudge Chunk. Duh.
I scream, you scream …..we all scream……for great sex !!!
One of the things about breaking up or ” looking to get my ex boyfriend back ” is that it seriously motivates you OFF the ice cream and gets you into the best shape of your life….
Very True, Robert. Unfortunately, it’s easier for women (and men) to REMAIN in shape than to GET BACK in shape when it’s time to get back out on the circuit and meet someone new.
Great post!
And it reminds me from the comfort of my relationship coaching that, even when the situation is grim for my readers (which it often is), not to get too serious about it all. A smile and a laugh makes anything seem better!
You have a talent and you sure made me smile.
Thanks!
JRichards