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Ladies: How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend
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Last week, I let the fellaz know how to get over an ex-girlfriend. This week, I have tips for the ladies for what to do when that relationship ends….
1) Consume mass quantities of Häagen-Dazs ice cream
Häagen-Dazs ice cream is the de facto substitute for sex for women. Everybody knows this. If you haven’t tried it yet, stop reading this post and go get some right now. I’m not sure that there’s one flavor in particular that works across the board, but find the right one, and it’ll tickle your ivories for sure. Similar to dogs for men, Häagen-Dazs is woman’s best friend. Eat enough of it, and you’ll wonder why you cared that your man left you in the first place.
2) Commiserate with your female friends
Make sure you tell your girlfriends that you and your man broke up. All of a sudden, they’ll have all these reasons why he was no good for you in the first place, and you’re better off without him. This will make you feel very good… that is… until you realize that they knew all this stuff BEFORE and should have told you about it so you could have dumped HIM before he dumped YOU.
Make sure you reserve some extra nastiness for the chicks that tell you how your ex has been hitting on them the whole time. As your homegirl, it was their obligation to tell you that your man was trying to get some from them. Also, make sure you add a level to whatever they tell you. That’s how it works with women. If they admit to kissing your man, that means they blew him. If they admit to blowing him, that means they had sex with him, etc.
3) Go to a male strip club
Going to a male strip club will remind you that your man was flabby and out of shape to begin with, so to hell with him. :D Just make sure not to overdo it. Avoid actual physical interaction with the strippers AT.ALL.COSTS! Mark my words, you will end up either on an internet site that specializes in that kind of thing, or even worse, on your local public access television station doing what you did, for all to see.
4) Post about him on the internet
Mosey on over to DontDateHimGirl or HollaBackNYC (or wherever you live, they have a bunch of HollaBack sites) and drag his name through the mud. Nobody actually reads those sites, but you’ll feel a lot better, because it allows you to commiserate with women around the world instead of just the ones you get to bitch and moan to while waiting to get into spin class.
5) Get back in shape
Most likely, the reason he broke up with you (or engineered your breaking up with HIM) is that he lost interest in having sex with you. Getting back in shape will not only make him KICK HIMSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY… but he’ll be insanely jealous of the next man that gets to tap that. He’ll also probably start making moves to get you back, so you get the enjoyment of rejecting him on a daily basis! :D
In the words of my friend, Patricia…
~Bill
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26 Responses to “Ladies: How To Get Over Your Ex-Boyfriend”
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all good ones- but you are not a woman! :)
as for getting back into shape- maybe the guy leaves a girl for other reasons, not just body image- we already have society telling us we have to look a certain way ;)
xoxox
@Jill: lolol Good Observation, that I’m not a chick! :D
Feel free to make your own list and post the link here! I’d be interested in the differences between your ideas and mine!
*MUAHZ* :D
Let ‘em know!
@Polymagnanimous Bill: You gonna follow up with hygiene for the ladies next? :)
@Steve: hahaha Nah man… I think I’ll leave hygiene up to one of the LADIES to blog about on THEIR OWN BLOG! hahaha :D
However, now that you mention it… Guys like to wash their cars, so maybe I’ll do a post called “How To Wash Your Girlfriend”…
Except that gets into physical techniques, which I don’t discuss here… DatingGenius is a FAMILY Show! :D
Very funny.. This advice is definately comming from a guy, because any female that was truely in love would need some better advice. But this was good for a few laughs.
@Patricia: haha Yes, you’re right. This is advice from a guy on what women can/should do after getting dumped. However the Häagen-Dazs part is absolutely true! :D
Try it out sometime, and let us know how it was! ;)
Haha, very amusing!
http://www.rebuildyourrelationship.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back.html
You are so retarded!!! NONE of this was helpful! hahaha…
@Nikki: I sowwyyy :(
Read a few more! Maybe you’ll get something out of one of THOSE! :D
Not sure that a man would stop having sex with a woman because she’s out of shape. Isn’t it her personality that attracted him to her in the first place? Just an observation.
The Häagen-Dazs ice cream point is interesting. Being from ‘down under’ I have never heard of it – and I won’t be telling my partner about it as I don’t ever want to be substituted!
Hi Bob. Thanks for the comment! :D
I’m not sure if you’re aware of using smileys as punctuation on the internet, but if you put a colon “:” followed by a “)” or a “D” it makes one of those yellow heads that’s either smiling or laughing. If you’re not sure, click the “Preview” button below this box.
The reason I bring this up is that without punctuation that indicates a joke, or at least “hahaha” at the end of a sentence, it sounds like you’re serious.
See, I can tell you were joking with your second sentence, because I know a brotha’z not goin’ out like that that you’re gonna let anyone replace you with some ice cream! :D
So, your first sentence is throwing me off. Perhaps if you had put italics around “personality” so it looked like this:
Or, even better… you could have put a wink at the end!
Anyway, in case you were serious, :D I’m sure that in some societies, where the women pretty much all look exactly the same, looks aren’t a factor when it comes to a guy wanting to mess with a chick. Actually, I see that here in America a lot as well in some groups that tend to have more homely chicks on average. I find myself wondering “What exactly is the difference between this one and that one?”. However, for the most part, physical attraction makes a difference as far as wanting to meet her in the first place and then wanting to have sex with her in the second.
So what happens is, if you meet a gal when she’s in a certain physical shape and then she sits around eating bon bons until her body achieves a state of disrepair, the brain refuses to send blood to the necessary organs in order for the guy to have sex with her. It’s like “No… No, I’m NOT going to send any blood down there. I’d rather use it for thinking, thank you very much”.
This is why the pharmaceutical industry is making a killing selling guys pills to get that blood flowing into the proper areas. Some of these guys have legitimate physical issues that are preventing them from “getting it up”. Other guys just aren’t messing with women that sufficiently turn them on, so they need a little assistance.
This is also why the porno industry will always thrive. A lot of guys imagine some other chick while they’re having sex with their wives or girlfriends. Either way, they’re finding workarounds to the fact that their SO just doesn’t do it for them, physically.
BTW… I wasn’t kidding about the Ice Cream, hahaha it’s a STAPLE for single NYC chicks! ;)
[...] around aimlessly in the streets of New York City with nothing better to do with their lives than eat Haagen-Dazs and order [...]
Funny post, Bill, and very true!
Bob Gill, I suppose the women in Australia can substitute any high-quality brand of ice cream for Häagen-Dazs, but the idea should be the same.;)
haha Thanks, Scott! :D
I like Breyers, myself… Dunno how H-D became so popular with the ladies. It might be because of all the different flavor selections. I’ll have to research this now that you bring it up, haha.
Cheers! :D
Pfffffffffffffft. Ben and Jerrys New York Super Fudge Chunk. Duh.
I scream, you scream …..we all scream……for great sex !!!
One of the things about breaking up or ” looking to get my ex boyfriend back ” is that it seriously motivates you OFF the ice cream and gets you into the best shape of your life….
Very True, Robert. Unfortunately, it’s easier for women (and men) to REMAIN in shape than to GET BACK in shape when it’s time to get back out on the circuit and meet someone new.
Great post! :-)
And it reminds me from the comfort of my relationship coaching that, even when the situation is grim for my readers (which it often is), not to get too serious about it all. A smile and a laugh makes anything seem better!
You have a talent and you sure made me smile.
Thanks!
JRichards
[...] hahaha That’s exactly why a lot of chicks in this town substitute food for sex. [...]
hahaha, finally someone taking a light hearted approach to it. Nice :)
Thanks, Jonah. :)
I heard in Men’s Health (targeted at men who’d broken up) that they were supposed to go out and date as many women as possible “until the pain went away”.
So, since if a woman is a slut/whore whore dates a zillion guys, what is your answer to this? How would you turn this advice around for a woman? Thnx! :D
Hey RK. Thanks for the question. :)
It isn’t so much that a woman *IS* a whore if she gets around.. It’s that she’s CALLED a whore. Unfortunately, they did such a good job brainwashing y’all that you believe it on your own and stop yourselves from living your own lives however you really feel like living them. This is necessary in order to shame y’all into keeping your legs closed because before DNA testing and “The Maury Show”, there was no way to prove paternity so your best defense was that your woman would keep her legs closed on her own (other than giving you some) out of fear of being stigmatized, labeled and ridiculed.
The real point here is that the technique doesn’t work the same because in general, men and women aren’t in relationships for the same reasons. The actual advice is “To get over one chick, screw 10 others”.
This works for a lot of guys because the only thing they actually miss about their ex-girlfriend is the lack of immediate availability of sex. They incorrectly assume that what they’re feeling means they miss their girlfriend, and a lot of guys crawl back to her for this reason whereas they wouldn’t have if they had understood that they were missing getting laid, not that chick in particular.
This DOESN’T work for guys that miss the actual relating to that one chick when she’s gone. You can’t replace one person’s personality with someone entirely different and have the same experience. You also can’t replace someone that you spent years with with some chick you met the weekend after y’all broke up and you hooked up with her in the bar bathroom.
This DEFINITELY DOESN’T work for women because y’all don’t select guys for sex. You select guys for comfort, reliability and an amount of controllability. When y’all break up with guys, you’re leaving a foundation that you built for a long time and a comfort zone that you’re used to. The only way to have that with someone else is to build it all over again with *ONE* guy. Hooking up with several guys isn’t going to be of any benefit to you.
So since guys hook up with gals for way more superficial reasons than gals hook up with guys, the playing field isn’t anywhere close to being even. Females wonder how they’re going to fall in love again and guys wonder how they’re going to get laid again.
Mostly, what women’s problems are when they get into a breakup situation is that y’all can’t focus on more than one guy at a time. You pour your entire lives into this one guy and then when it breaks up, you’re lost in the sauce. Clueless. Everybody else is NOBODY to you, so you have go go back to square one and start all over. You don’t have any close male friends to spend time with because you alienated them all when you thought you found “The One” and retired. Since you didn’t maintain any of your male relationships, you have to commiserate with your girlfriends until you meet a guy that you want to start the process all over with.
So my advice to women is to stop acting like you don’t have to be friends anymore with guys that aren’t your boyfriend, because when you get dumped, you’re going to go looking for these guys, hoping to find some sympathy and a shoulder to cry on and meanwhile, these dudes don’t give a **** because you abandoned them when you thought you had it made.
Hey, RK. Was it written in a serious or joking tone? If you have a link to the article that would be great.
I can see how dating a lot could serve as a distraction for some dudes, like playing lots of golf or hoops since you now have all this free single-guy time, but I can’t imagine the dude would be a good date ESPECIALLY if he’s doing it to “make the pain go away”. Just sounds like really bad advice and not like anything an editor would let slide in a serious article. I can see it now… he’d be ruining someone else’s good time out with creepy/weepy stories about his ex. Over and over again.
I’m betting my .02 that Bill’s gonna say the chick should go back to doing whatever it was she was doing before she met the dude which is pretty much the course anyone should follow.
-OR-
\o/
I’m sure the word “dating” was substituted for *******. The advice isn’t to DATE anyone. It’s to screw a bunch of chicks to get the first one off of your mind.
You’re right.. Dating isn’t going to help anybody. The gal will be LUCKY if she can go back to what she was doing before because she may very well have alienated her former friends with her behavior once she found “The One”. Now, she’s going to try to fall back on her support system until she finds THE NEXT “One” and abandons them again.