Dating for Misanthropes

According to Webster’s, a misanthrope is a person who hates or distrusts humankind. Now… Just because you hate people in general, that doesn’t mean that you can’t date them, or that you shouldn’t. 😀

Most likely, the reason you don’t like people isn’t because of the way they look, smell or taste… It’s probably that they say retarded things that get on your very last nerve. You’re gaining insight into their personalities or lack of education which increases the natural disdain that you had for them the first time you ever laid eyes on them.

All you need to do is follow The Kid‘s 5 tips for dating people you don’t actually like or have a shred of respect for, and you’ll be happily dating in no time! 😀

1) Take your dates to the movies

In order for you to successfully date, you need to AVOID hearing what the other person has to say at all costs. The less you hear, the more you’re going to like her and the better your date will be. Invite her out to the movies. Tell her you’ll get the tickets, and to meet you right at the theater at the exact time that the movie’s scheduled to start. Oh… do this by text message or email so as to avoid any unnecessary yammering she might do which will cause you to bail out on the date. Also find out if she wants popcorn, soda, etc ahead of time, so you can stock up on those before she meets you.

When she gets there, kiss her “hello”, give her some random compliment, like about he eyes or her hair, give her her food and hurry into the theater before she can strike up a conversation. If she starts talking before you get down the hall, ask her if her popcorn has enough butter on it so she starts eating it.

You may have to suffer a bit through the commercials, but once the movie starts, you’re golden. Do the “Richie Cunningham” to get your arm around her, then relate to her for the next two hours via touch and eye contact. When she tries to actually say something, shush her, reminding her that you’re both listening to the movie… together!… then go back to touch and eye contact.

Also, make sure you informed her you’d have to skate (slang for “leave really quickly”) right after the movie, when you initially made plans with her. Credits roll. Kiss her good night. Tell her you had a great time and then break north with no delay.

2) Take your dates to loud places

I discovered this technique by accident. I was in a bar, speaking with someone and barely able to hear them. I guess the crowd got louder, because someone turned the music up, and I was no longer able to hear this person that I was right next to. My first instinct was to wait it out, figuring that I’d be able to understand them a few seconds later. That never happened. What DID happen was….. They kept talking as long as I kept looking at them and nodding! 😀

This style is INVALUABLE for a misanthrope! All you have to do is take her to a place that you know plays loud music, like a dance club or a concert. It’s the best of both worlds. You can still utilize your touch and eye contact skillz that you perfected during your many movie theater dates, but you can’t hear a single word she’s saying! 😀

Compound the effectiveness of this technique by imagining that she’s saying really intelligent and fascinating things that make you feel more love and respect for her by the minute.

Just as the concert’s ending or they’re turning on the lights in the club, tell her you have to skate, and break north with no delay.

3) Make sure your date is insanely physically attractive

Of course, this is your goal in ANY dating situation… but it’s extra-important for misanthropes. The better-looking she is, the more bullshit you’ll be able to tolerate.

Physically, this has something to do with chemicals released in your body when she’s around that keep you from doing stupid things, such as erasing her number or moving in the opposite direction of her present location. Mentally, it’s like Spike Lee said in “She’s Gotta Have It”:

“You don’t throw away a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it”

On top of that (no pun intended), the better-looking she is, the more time you’ll spend having sex with her, which means the less time she’ll be talking. I mean, yeah, she’ll probably be bumbling and stammering like an idiot, but at least you’ll be able to convince yourself that the reason she can’t form proper English sentences right now is because you’re hittin’ that spot! 😀

4) Make sure you use condoms

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating a person they think is beneath them….. Is that a fair statement? Probably not. You can probably hate someone without thinking you’re better than they are… Weird… Anyway…..

If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating someone they think is beneath them… it’s accidentally having inferior kids with them. I mean, it’s one thing when someone with no connection to you AT ALL is a blithering idiot, but it’s like if her “dumb genes” happen to be dominant instead of your “smart genes”, you’re gonna be REAL SOUR for at least the next 18 years.

So, you know the drill… If you use these techniques to tolerate her long enough to have sex with her, don’t fumble on the 2-yard line! Wrap it up! No Glove, No Love!… NAH MEEN? 😀

5) Learn to talk to yourself

A lot of your problem with people isn’t actually how stupid they are, but rather that you hold all your disdain in and you don’t have an outlet to share how retarded you think people are with someone who COMPLETELY understands what you’re telling them and feels the exact same way about it. This is why you need to become your own traveling commiseration companion:

You: Oh. My. *GOD*, that was the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard!
You: I know… she’s an idiot.
You: TELL me about it! DAMN!!!
You: Amazing, isn’t it?
You: omg! grr
You: Ah, well, what did you expect?
You: Yeah… You’re right. Forget it.

See how you calmed yourself down? Learn to do this when you feel yourself losing it, and you’ll be able to keep yourself in the game long enough to get to the good part! 😀

~Bill

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14 thoughts on “Dating for Misanthropes”

  1. “If there’s ONE THING a misanthrope hates more than dating someone they think is beneath them… it’s accidentally having inferior kids with them.”

    LMFAO!!!!!!!
    steph

    1. Hey Kamilah. 🙂

      Yes, unfortunately, not everyone likes people. We still have to interact with them in order to, like, get laid and stuff.

      Obviously, this philosophy doesn’t go over well, so it becomes the job of the misanthrope to “Go Along to Get Along” and play it off like he or she actually cares about something other than desire fulfillment.

      One of the main problems with “the game” is that everyone knows it’s a game and pretends they’re middle of the road and does their dirt on the sneaks. Notice how if you go to online dating sites, nobody says they’re into any weirdo, kinky ish, but then you hear in the news all the time about all these “freaks of the week”? That’s how it works. Pretend you’re “normal” and have relationships or lay it out honestly and have nothing at all.

  2. Last I checked the dictionary… the meaning was:

    mis·an·thrope (msn-thrp, mz-) also mis·an·thro·pist (ms-nthr-pst, mz-)
    n.
    One who hates or mistrusts humankind.

    So why are you writing of MISOGYNY here?!?!?

    ** this explains why I’ve become a misanthrope in general…

    1. Hey Ivana. 🙂

      You just quoted *EXACTLY* what the first line I wrote in this article says. 😀

      The definition of Misogyny is “A cultural attitude of hatred for females because they are female”. If you can point out where something like that is in the article, I’ll be glad to discuss it with you here in the comments.

      1. Bill

        Every female reading this article will easily notice that in all of the 5 tips it is “her” or “she” who’s portrayed as an idiot… It’s offensive. The article is written for a male misanthrope trying to get sex with a woman, or for a misogynist. The first four tips hint, although somewhat humorously, at how to take advantage of the woman:
        “utilize your touch and eye contact skillz that you perfected during your many movie theater dates, but you can’t hear a single word she’s saying!”-( can this possibly be written for girls?)
        “the better-looking she is, the more time you’ll spend having sex with her, which means the less time she’ll be talking.”( really, how is this an advice for a female misanthropist, who for example may hate those who avoid communication?)
        “but it’s like if her “dumb genes” happen to be dominant instead of your “smart genes”, you’re gonna be REAL SOUR for at least the next 18 years.” (can this be considered an advice for a female misanthrope in any way at all?)

        This encourages the misogynists out there to effectively disrespect a girl, and that’s supposed to be funny? Those tips are sexists and it definitely will not help the girl in situations described. If this misogynist is already successful with women he probably already is an abuser of women but he at least may find this funny, if you have a guy who can’t get it, you’re effectively promoting and teaching abuse toward women.

        Perhaps only the last tip, if it was gender neutral could be of some use to a female misanthrope.

        Thus the more appropriate title to this article would be “Dating For (Male) Misogynists”

        1. Hey Ivana. 🙂 Thanks for the clarification..

          Every female reading this article will easily notice that in all of the 5 tips it is “her” or “she” who’s portrayed as an idiot… It’s offensive.

          ok.. Let’s see if the same tips apply for female misanthropes:

          1) Take him to the movies, so you don’t have to listen to his opinions – I think this one is valid.

          2) Take him to a loud place so you can’t hear him – I think this is valid for females.

          3) Make sure he’s very attractive – I’m not sure this one would work for women. I know that for guys, as long as the gal is a turn-on, everything else is icing on the cake. Females tend to need more actual personality and character from a guy in order to really sweat him.

          Perhaps, I would replace #3 with “Make sure he’s rich” so that at least if y’all aren’t having a good time, you’re eating Filet Mignon and drinking champagne. 😀

          4) Make sure you use condoms – Replace this with “Make sure you’re on the pill or whatever your favorite format of female birth control is”. This is obviously valid for females.

          5) Learn to talk to yourself – This isn’t going to work for women because y’all like to believe that we’re listening to what you have to say and that we actually care. Faking conversations with guys defeats the purpose for you.

          The article is written for a male misanthrope trying to get sex with a woman, or for a misogynist.

          I hear what you’re saying, but there’s a difference between a guy that just wants to hook up with chicks and a guy that hates women because they’re women.

          The term “Misogynist” has been co-opted by the feminist movement, as I discussed recently, in http://billcammack.com/2010/11/10/misogyny-co-opted/

          Let’s not confuse guys who have a limited use for females with guys that dislike them or hold some sort of grudge against women in general.

          “utilize your touch and eye contact skillz that you perfected during your many movie theater dates, but you can’t hear a single word she’s saying!”-( can this possibly be written for girls?)

          No. It cannot. I agree with you.

          “but it’s like if her “dumb genes” happen to be dominant instead of your “smart genes”, you’re gonna be REAL SOUR for at least the next 18 years.” (can this be considered an advice for a female misanthrope in any way at all?)

          Actually, I feel that this particular line happens to be unisex.

          I know some VERY QUALITY women that are dating idiotic, low-life dudes. If they accidentally have kids with these idiots, they’re tainting their gene pool.

          I can’t imagine that a smart, progressive, successful woman wouldn’t be sour that her offspring is dumber than her instead of smarter. You can tell when guys are struggling to use their minds. I just think that biologically and genetically, if those same chicks were to go to sperm banks to select DNA to get pregnant with, they’d go for the MIT Graduate sperm every time, instead of the ditch-digger.

          This encourages the misogynists out there to effectively disrespect a girl, and that’s supposed to be funny?

          In fact, “funny” is completely subjective, and not objective.

          Do I think it’s funny that guys would take gals to the movies so they don’t have to hear them ramble on about nothing important? Yes, I do. 😀

          On the flip side of that.. Is it annoying to me when I agree to meet a gal somewhere and I actually want to hear what she has to say and the venue we selected is too loud for me to follow everything she says? HELLZ YEAH! :/

          So.. There are situations where you care what she has to say and situations where you just want to be around her, look at her, check out her body, and see if you can get on. Either situation could be funny, serious, or frustrating, depending on the circumstances.

          If this misogynist is already successful with women he probably already is an abuser of women but he at least may find this funny, if you have a guy who can’t get it, you’re effectively promoting and teaching abuse toward women.

          You bring up an interesting point here, as far as what is and isn’t “abuse”.

          Again, in the feminist twisting of the term “Misogynist”, trying to get laid counts as “abuse of women”. In fact, it’s merely trying to get laid, which has gone on for ages and is probably the reason that you, yourself, happen to be alive right now. Your father wanted to have sex with your mother, accomplished it, and she became pregnant.

          What you may perceive as “Teaching someone to abuse women”, I perceive as “Teaching someone to get over the fact that he doesn’t give a flying **** what she has to say, so he can go on dates and try to enjoy female company”.

          I totally understand why you would see that as unfair or the feminist version of Misogynistic, but there are lots of guys that don’t care what their women have to say.. They just can’t afford to say so because their relationships would instantly dissolve.

          Those guys that come home from work and immediately go to the bathroom and stay there for an hour?… It doesn’t take them an hour to go to the bathroom. They’re hiding from their women and don’t want to hear what they have to say.

          Those guys that go to happy hour right after work and don’t invite their women?.. Same thing.

          Thus the more appropriate title to this article would be “Dating For (Male) Misogynists”

          I’m going to see if I can write an article specifically geared towards Female Misanthropists, but I’m not sure I can do it.

          When women don’t like people, they tend to not keep up their personal appearances, which prevents them from getting asked out on dates in the first place.

          Female Misanthropists can easily disappear off the grid, altogether.

          1. what is this site? i have no clue what this place is i just accidentally happened upon it…read a paragraph or three…and learned something that i thought was useful.

            but after this aforementioned manifold breakdown we have from a female, i am confused, is this a site that provides dating advice for women? …i’m gonna feel so f*cked up if that’s true…LoL 😀

            although it’s pure ignorance that i havent looked for myself… anyway…

            thanks bill… i’m a straight guy and i’ve never been on a date in my life and i’m 26 years old and the last time i had “a relationship” i was 18.
            i have completely lost hope over the years of being alone, and now i am proud to say that i am mentally healthy and no longer desire or care for relations of any sort.

            …although…

            if i had read this article when i was 18 or 19, i may have been encouraged to go back out there with my chin up and meet some lovely local Texas princess. so i congratulate you on a well crafted writing style that is both intrepidly sensitive to lonely, and perhaps, misunderstood males….and also quite humorous to those who understand satire 🙂
            bravo.

            1. Hey N8. 🙂 Thanks for the comments & props. 😀

              This site is where I run my mouth about whatever I feel like talking about.

              Sometimes, there’s advice for guys.
              Sometimes, there’s advice for gals.
              Sometimes, there’s advice for everybody.
              Sometimes, there’s social media.
              Sometimes, there’s video…

              haha So welcome, and we’re here to discuss whatever we discuss. 😀

              .. i’ve never been on a date in my life and i’m 26 years old and the last time i had “a relationship” i was 18.
              i have completely lost hope over the years of being alone, and now i am proud to say that i am mentally healthy and no longer desire or care for relations of any sort.

              Damn.. Sorry to hear that, dude. However.. I’m GLAD to hear that you’ve implemented a coping mechanism that you’re comfortable with and possibly even enjoy.

              26 is actually a good age to get back in the game, man… I mean, not in “The Game” of playing all these ridiculous games, but I mean you’re a different person now than you were 8 years ago, just being high school graduation age. I’m sure you have a lot more to bring to the table, AND I’m sure that the chicks are less superficial now than they were then, so whatever the issue has been that made you give up hope, you might want to check out the scene again by taking baby steps.

              I know that here in NYC, people like to use the free dating sites, okcupid.com and http://plentyoffish.com to browse and try to meet people to spend time with. Even if it doesn’t produce relationship-quality people, you might meet some gals you enjoy hanging out with and maybe you click with friends of theirs when y’all are hanging out.

              I’d be interested to hear about why you bounced from the scene. Email me if you like and I’ll let you know what I think or write a blog post about it so everyone can benefit if I have something worthwhile to say about the situation.

              All I can say, generically, is that you’re going to run into an entirely different set of women when you start mingling with the 29-and-up set. It’s a totally different game than younger, early-20s chicks. The situation becomes way less superficial and needy because by 30, women are well into their careers if they’re going to have one at all. It makes a big difference if the sticking point for you was money back in the day. None of these up-and-coming chicks want to meet a broke guy because they want to lamp at home and not work. Older chicks have already been ‘doing for self’ for years, so while they STILL don’t want to date a BROKE dude, they’re way more forgiving and interested in companionship more so than hooking up with a guy that’s supposed to financially carry them.

              Anyway.. Believe me.. Once you get to the next age range of chicks, it’s a totally new game, so you might want to look around and see if the new layout works for you or not.

              Cheers! 😀

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