Sluts & Whores

There’s nothing a guy loves more than a girl who gives it up… except… there’s nothing a guy hates more than a girl who gives it up. :/

This is one of the most %^&ed-up situations about dating… both for men AND women. It’s obvious why it’s %^&ed-up for women, but it really psychologically screws with guys’ heads, being that they’re the ones that society has dictated has to be the aggressor/initiator.

According to Webster’s, a slut is “a promiscuous woman”. Also, according to Webster’s, a whore is “a woman who engages in sexual acts for money” (and, to be fair, “a male who engages in sexual acts for money”).

Off the bat, by definition, “whore” should be excluded from our vocabulary, IMO, other than to describe a situation where a chick had sex with you because you gave her money to do so. There are no amendments to the definition which mention “chicks who had sex with you because you bought them dinner”, “chicks who had sex with you because you took them out on your yacht” or “chicks who had sex with you because you took them to the movies”, so it seems that the only situation where “whore” is applicable is actual prostitution.

So that leaves us with “Slut”. How did “Slut” become such a negative term, when the definition is “a promiscuous woman”? Who started that? Think about it…

While you’re considering that, think about how pornography and strip clubs are big business in the USA. Apparently, LOTS OF GUYS “like” promiscuous women (and, yes, strippers count, because there are lots of places where you can pay them to do more than dance). Every “Western” movie you ever saw (not that those are accurate depictions of the Wild West) had a whorehouse in it, where everybody would hang out, play cards, get drunk and screw whatever chicks were attractive to them and available at the time. Every movie and televison show you’ve ever seen, from Sean Connery in the James Bond series to David Duchovny in Californication has the male lead getting laid left and right, with no end in sight. So, WHO started the negativity towards “sluts”, and why have you bought into this and propagated it?

Actually, it’s kind of funny. 😀 Just about everybody has a reason to detest “sluts”….

Single guys detest “sluts” because they feel less special that a girl gave them some if she gives EVERYBODY some.

Single women detest “sluts” because they get all the attention from the guys and make it hard for girls who don’t want to give it up to get boyfriends… or even DATES for that matter, since it gets around that they’re not “putting out”.

Married guys detest “sluts” because if you accidentally marry one, she’s liable to give it up to the next man tout de suite! 😀 Also, if she has a kid offa him, what’reya supposed to do about THAT? 🙁 Boot the chick, and you probably don’t get to see your own kids so often. Keep her, and you have to raise the next man’s kid along with your own. Rock + Hard Place.

Married women detest “sluts” for hooking up with their husbands and decimating their power in the marriage. No more “sex embargo”, since he can step to the left and screw his goomah if you’re not akkin’ right. 😀 They also detest “sluts” for having kids with their husbands and dividing the family income via child support obligations.

ok… So, no wonder this ridiculousness persists. Everybody’s down with it! 😀

So… What’s the catchy term for “Woman who feels like getting laid and goes ahead and does that whenever she chooses?”………

The only thing we have is like this fetish term, “Cougars”, which basically denotes an older woman that has money and goes after younger guys, because she’s got it like that. The reason that’s a fetish is because it’s still considered out of the norm… an anomaly… a form of deviance. Where’s the term for a REGULAR chick, whose REGULAR life includes hooking up with whatever guys she finds attractive at that time?

Unfortunately, with the definition of “slut” being “a promiscuous woman”, that covers all the bases. 😀 Regardless of whether she’s having sex from her own base of power and choice or because she’s weak-minded or “easy” or translates sexual encounters into her own self esteem, she’s thrown into the category of “slut” and consequently demeaned.

Oh… In case I didn’t take the proof deep enough… The Webster’s definition of promiscuous is “not restricted to one sexual partner”. So, a “slut” is ANY woman that’s “not restricted to one sexual partner”.

Now, I’m not “righteous” in this situation, haha 😀 The reason I ever even considered any of this was that I was having a conversation back in the day with a friend where I was explaining to him that this chick got dumped by her boyfriend because she admitted to him that she was a slut (practically verbatim. I don’t remember exactly what I said). His response was, basically “What makes her a slut?”, to which I had no immediate answer, hahaha because TO ME, it was clear and obvious. When I explained to him that she admitted having multiple upon multiple sexual partners before her boyfriend and that’s why he dumped her, my friend’s response was, essentially “So what, if that’s what she wanted to do? What difference does that make in her relationship to him NOW?” Much more argument ensued, but I realized rather quickly that I didn’t have a good argument for calling her a slut, and that I had fallen for the okey-doke. SOMEBODY had made this garbage up, and I was propagating it. I immediately admitted that he was right, amended my personality and moved forward from there. 😀

Having said that, I understood the “dumper boyfriend’s” viewpoint. On the one hand, there were tons of guys that had already screwed his girl. She was a local, so so were they, hahaha 😀 I can see that as being a drag for a guy, wasting brain processing cycles wondering if the guy that just said “hi” to her in the street already hit that. I can also see him irrationally mistrusting her, thinking she’s going to hook up with just anybody, anytime she wants to, even though there was no evidence that she ever CHEATED on ANYBODY… She just had sex with a whole hell of a lot of dudes. 😀

There was also probably the issue of “performance anxiety”. It’s better for guys to feel like either nobody or only a couple of dudes tapped that so that when they do their thing, she might be impressed. When you throw 30-odd dudes into the mix, the odds that you’re sexually enthralling trend towards ZERO. 😀 HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway…

Now, it’s YOUR turn to think about it. Who do YOU think is a “slut”? Is that a fair assessment? Should she be demeaned or applauded for her behavior? Is she “easy”? Is she being used? Or is she doing what she wants to do with the one life she’s going to have?

~Bill

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40 Comments

  1. First of all, I think that the term “slut” should not be reserved for women only. Men can and should be called “sluts” as well in certain cases. But I don’t think that the definition you quoted – any woman (or man in my world) who is not restricted to one sexual partner – still holds true in the 21. century. What’s wrong with two single adults having consensual and safer sex, no strings attached? Even if someone chooses to do that every other night with a different partner, I would not call him or her a slut.

    I would call someone a slut who uses his/her sexuality in an irresponsible way that leads to someone else getting hurt. By spreading STDs, by supporting the sex-partner in cheating on his/her SO, by seducing someone just for fun when you know that he/she is in love with you and wants more than just sex, etc. … Hurting people through sex is what makes someone a slut.

    However, I would still refrain from having a relationship with someone who clearly enjoys casual sex, or at least investigate their motives and state of mind very carefully. This is because I suspect that casual sex to some degree always implies treating another human being as a consumable object, something like a chocolate bar. A highly complex one of course, but still a chocolate bar. And that is not how I see myself or how I want to be seen. I imagine that casual sex on a regular basis somehow changes the way we view other people and makes us less capable of experiencing or creating intimacy. Since I regard intimacy as the most vital component in a happy relationship, I would probably not choose someone with a long history of casual sexual encounters as my partner. Simply for fear that someone like that might not be able to give me what I need and want.

  2. A lot of great points, Fishingrod. Thanks for the comment. 🙂

    Basically, the way I see it, the term “slut” is used as an attempt to control women into “keeping their legs shut”. This is why it’s not a useful comment for demeaning men. The corresponding term for men (at least here) would be “Gigolo”, which is a positive term, indicating that you either “you have sex with a lot of women” or “women pay you to go out with them or have sex with them”. Interestingly enough, the same behaviors that are used to demean women are used to praise men.

    I like your definition of “slut”, and I think it’s more fair, but I also think it’s more personal, to you. We could just as easily define someone who knowingly spreads STDs or uses sex to hurt people as a JERK or an ASSHOLE as much as we could label them a “slut”. Unfortunately, “slut” specifically pertains to promiscuity and the way the double standard’s applied, women are penalized for it way more so than men are.

    I believe you’re right as far as the “consumable object” concept. People who can’t get on treat their few opportunities as way more precious than people that are in demand and can get laid whenever they want. Even if you have it like that, that doesn’t mean you have to indulge all the time, and could “save it for someone special”. Unfortunately, this isn’t something that’s going to be placed on the table, up-front. The players know to not announce themselves as players, so they can be more effective in getting women to do what they want them to do.

    In a perfect world, women wouldn’t have to deal with all these issues, but, of course… it’s not a perfect world. 🙂

  3. Whoa – you are so good! I loved this, and your “Narcissist” explanation was the best I’ve ever read or heard. Thanks – I look forward to reading more…Rori

    1. Good question, Paul… 🙂

      The obvious answer is… That she doesn’t tell either one she’s hooking up with the next man. 😀

      However, the *ACTUAL* answer is that not everyone experiences “love” in the same way. Most people would like to BELIEVE that everyone loves one person at a time. The fact of the matter is that different people experience “love” differently.

      You have the guy that loves his wife, but screws every chick he can get his hands on. People would argue that he doesn’t actually love his wife, but they’re the ones that believe that love and sex aren’t two different things… which they clearly are.

      You have the guy that loves two different women, but doesn’t have sex with EITHER of them, because they’re both in fulfilling relationships and he’s doing them a favor by not showing them a better way of life that he doesn’t intend to sustain with them.

      You have the guy that loves one woman… but has sex with and marries a different one, because in his country, they still do arranged marriages.

      So, for the woman in your scenario to not come off as a slut or a ho, she’s either going to have to keep it on the DL, like I said above… or she’s going to have to step up front and let the guys know that she hasn’t chosen EITHER of them exclusively. If they’re down with that, the three-ring-circus continues. If they’re not, one or more of them bows out, and the situation either resembles a “normal” relationship and one single guy or three single individuals if neither guy wants to hit it after they find out the truth.

    2. Interesting question, Paul.
      Are you one of the two? 🙂
      Why only once?
      If she is truely in love with both of them, she would want to sleep with each of them more than once, wouldn`t she?
      The situation reminds me of the song “Torn between two lovers”.
      Every time I hear this song on the radio, I think: ” This is clearly a problem reserved for people with too much free time……”

      1. +1… “once” Stuck out in my mind as well, haha 🙂

        A strangely-worded question, but I answered it as best I could.

        You’re absolutely right, fishingrod. If she’s in love with two men at the same time, she’s not going to want to ‘sample’ them. She’s going to be interested in expressing herself in whatever ways come naturally….

          1. That definition of ASD was very, VERY poorly written. I almost couldn’t tell if it was a measure to defend the female from herself or defend the male from losing the rap to the female. 😀

            The bottom line is that women are demeaned for the same actions that men are heralded for. This means that the closer they get to feeling like giving you some, the more they fight themselves off from doing what they really want to do right now…

            There are much easier ways around this issue that don’t require 5-6 paragraphs worth of explanations. 😉

            I just find it “funny” that with all the so-called Women’s Lib that’s been going on, women haven’t focused on combating and destroying some of the most basic and most deeply-ingrained stigmas that hold them back from living their lives to their fullest potential.

            Unfortunately for women, they’re not SUPPOSED to live their lives to their fullest potential. Women are supposed to be backup for men. This is why girls receive baby dolls and kitchen sets to play with. It’s all a setup for your ultimate role as bearer and raiser of children. Get a clue, ladies. Wake UP! 😀

  4. I was wondering my girlfriend is very sexually active so far she had sex with over 30 guys. I started dating her about for over two months now and she says she quit sex and going to clubs.But when she’s not around i worry and get really scared that she might be doing something i mean she might not be doing anything but it’s just that the fact that she had sex with alot of people and some of the people i bumped into like at church,the gas station, and the mall. She shows me some of the guys, but she buys me stuff you know she spoils me. We do sexual things sometime and i know she really loves me and honestly she’s obsessed with me.She’s also older than me and everything but you know when she’s not around i sometimes think the most negative things and get mad about it. We have been arguing alot about the whole trust issue and she gets mad like a couple of minutes ago we argued.I just want to be able to not think about the whole sex thing wondering if she’s cheating on me you know? I Love her alot and i don’t want her to leave me she told me she doesnt want a guy that’s not confident about himself. I’ll be honest i kind of am not confident sometimes but she constantly tells me that im beautiful but i just hope our relationship works out.If you have any advice that would be great. PEACE!

    1. wow. There are like eight different issues in that one situation. It’s really complicated. We’re going to have to break this down into elements.

      1) Your girl’s been around
      2) You’ve only been with her for two months
      3) You don’t trust her word that she’s stopped messing with other dudes
      4) She’s pointed out guys she’s had sex with to you
      5) She buys you stuff
      6) She’s older than you are
      7) You want to stop wondering if she’s cheating
      8) You’re trying to be confident, but you’re actually not
      9) She compliments you and tells you you look good

      Let’s start with the good:

      9) She compliments you and tells you you look good
      5) She buys you stuff

      It’s a good thing that she compliments you. It’s also a good thing that she buys you stuff. That means she’s thinking of you and how to make your life better. Unfortunately, both of these are also typical ways to attempt to gain leverage over someone. Depending on how much you trust her, you’ll see it one way or the other.

      The reality:

      6) She’s older than you are
      1) Your girl’s been around
      4) She’s pointed out guys she’s had sex with to you
      2) You’ve only been with her for two months

      Being that she’s older than you, you’re not going to feel like you have the upper hand over her unless you SMASH THAT PROPPAH in the bedroom. She’s clearly been around and has lots of ‘intimate’ experience with guys. Since you’ve only been with her for 8 weeks, you’re the low guy on the totem pole… meaning that you have the least seniority out of all the guys that have had sex with her. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t feel good… Especially when she’s showing you guys that have hit it already.

      The problem:

      3) You don’t trust her word that she’s stopped messing with other dudes
      7) You want to stop wondering if she’s cheating
      8) You’re trying to be confident, but you’re actually not

      These are the actual problems. You don’t trust her to be faithful to you and you don’t trust your own ability to lock her down. As far as you’re concerned, any of the guys that got some before can still get some now, AND she’d be willing to give it to them if you’re not there.

      The question is… Even though she’s been around, does that mean she’s ever CHEATED on ANY of those dudes?

      I don’t know where you live, but here in NYC, there are chicks that hook up with different dudes every weekend. Some of them are DEAD now, from disease, but the point is that a guy every weekend = 52 guys in one year. If she’s been “dating” for three years, that’s only 10 guys in a year. Some girls bring 10 guys to The Maury Show that MIGHT be the father of their kids because they had sex with all of them essentially at the same time.

      What I’m saying is.. It doesn’t matter how many guys your girl gave it up to. It matters whether she has CHARACTER and you can trust her WORD that she’s not messing with anyone but you. If you feel you can trust her, go ahead with the relationship and enjoy the fringe benefits of her vast experience in the sack. If you CAN’T trust her, let it go. Don’t waste your energy on a chick that down the line you’re just going to dump anyway.

      It’s your call, but you have to make an educated decision based on what you perceive of your woman. Good Luck! 😀

    2. lol u should have told me you were so worried. umm first of all never use your real name online. next, ur right i am more experienced but i’ve never purposely shoved it in your face.
      i dont think it matters how long we’ve been together cuz i know how i feel and im true to me feelings. nor does it matter if im older than u. as far as the advice this guy gave u, i see how it makes sense however i dont agree with it. he has no idea who u are and does not know me. u know i’ve never done anything unless i thought i through.
      frankly i kinda wished u had talk to me about it instead of asking a complete stranger for help.
      dont bother replying to this..just give me a call.
      u know how much i love you, so i wont bother trying to defend myself cuz i know we’re beyond those feelings now

      1. wow… um…. 😀

        Hey Sallia. If this is a real interaction between y’all, that’s pretty deep, so without getting in your business (which I have zero interest in at all), I’d still like to know what aspects of what I said you “see how it makes sense, however you don’t agree with it”.

        Cheers! 😀

        1. I completely understand how my being way sexually active makes him doubt me however all that stopped the moment he saked me out and I said yes. I talked to him about this message he posted here lol he said he was angry because I was hanging out w/ my friends rather than him. (he was right because I handn’t seen him in over a week or so). I buy him things because he deserves everything in this world, as for the guys that I splet w/ well these are my some of my best friends. its ppl i trust n have known for more than 10 years.
          honestly everything u said had a point. it would all apply to me if u actually knew me. n i do control him in bed lol which he never told me he minded. i teach him alot of stuff n he’s eager to learn.
          basically, all these problems he mentioned are over now. he is my world, i love him dearly. we live in different cities so he’ll always wonder if im cheating on him and that will change as soon as we move in together.
          i guess our love can be described as emo love lol cuz it changes from being extreme to being really dull at times.
          i hope that helps u to understand where im coming from…

  5. I think SLUTS are amazing. 🙂
    I would love to “hang out” with some. ha ha ha
    Just wanted to say I loved your blog. And if you know of any available (attractive) sluts, let me have their email addresses. 🙂

    1. hahaha Thanks for the comment & compliment, Nicusor! 😀

      As far as “slutty email addresses”, I’m currently out of stock, but a lot of people like to use okcupid.com for a free source of email address replenishment. 😉

  6. Again, it’s me, this time saying (writing) that even though I am somewhat attractive, it has been very very hard (impossible, actually) to find a long term female lover. My experience in dealing with girls and women has been a very sad one, due to their mean ways of feeling, thinking and acting. And in a world full with people, yet so freaking lonely, I give thanks to God and the Sluts that ever gave me the time of day. I give thanks for the touch, for the kiss and the hour, or sometime the day or the night, full with intimacy, love and passion they gave me. It makes little difference how many men they did it with, before me and after me. What made a difference in my life is that they did it with me. So… long live the sluts…. they make this world a better place to live in.

    1. Excellent points, Nicusor.

      Here in the USA, and especially in NYC, women get hit on A LOT by guys that they don’t actually want to rap to. Reader E.H. said that her phone is full of guys’ numbers that she doesn’t want to call. This has at least two effects, a) Some women get souped up and start believing they’re “too good” to rap to anything other than the top echelon of dudes, and b) Some women become automatically defensive off the bat if they see you looking at or approaching them.

      For those reasons and others, it’s more likely, especially in crowded environments like major cities, that you’re going to be given a hard time by women that you approach, and they’re not going to approach you, either.

      Meanwhile, these same women wonder why their so-called boyfriends are “cheating on them” with girls that didn’t graduate college and work in the fast food restaurant. It’s that while she’s getting all her degrees and doing all her company business, nobody cares about that. Guys want to spend time with women whose company they ENJOY and who enjoy THEIR company. If they’re not down with that program, they either get to stay on as the figurehead girlfriend or plain get dumped for the more “useful” chick.

      If you think about it, “Sluts” are responsible for way more than their fair share of guys getting laid… or, as you put it, receiving touches, kisses, love or passion AT ALL. Regardless of whomever else she’s messing with, she’s expressing these things TO YOU when it’s really tough in a bartering-based, mercenary dating society to get any authentic & meaningful intimacy from women at all.

      I actually need to write about the difference between being a long-term guy and a short-term or one night stand guy. But, basically, yeah… In the absence of a meaningful, intimate, sexy long-term relationship, women that are just plain down with the program make many a guy’s day! 😉

      1. One other point I think should be touched on, is for a promiscuous woman, who do they find as a partner?

        In this situation the woman is going to find someone more like her. Why settle for someone who questions her history? It puts tension on the relationship and makes the woman feel demeaned. Instead she would have to be with someone who doesn’t judge her or understands her lifestyle.

        Cheating should not be an issue with a promiscuous woman because they are still good people. Having sex with other people is fine when you’re single, and especially if you haven’t found someone you could be in a relationship with.

        Also when you’re young, there’s no point in tyeing yourself down quickly, get ‘er done while you can.

        1. “Cheating should not be an issue with a promiscuous woman because they are still good people.”

          My experience is if sex is casual and they have 6 guys on tap hitting it no stings attached (not to mention random encounters) when you start dating your girl is going to have some bleed over. Even if she doesn’t just decide to cut back (which is the same thing as far as she’s concerned if you don’t find out as being faithful) These guys will be waiting around. You fight she screws them, you leave town she screws them, she’s at work she screws , she goes out of town she screws. Mean while you get jealous while her bed buddies even if she is trying to favor you, don’t care as she is a piece of ass one of many and they know she will be back by default if you screw up. they just wait being her good friends and ex intimate release until you break up and she’s double fisting again. Women get sex anytime they want and it’s hard enough without going in as the only guy who doesn’t know about the others and the only one who doesn’t just not care one way or the other as long as he’s hitting it. They will of course laugh with her as she phones to tell you she loves and misses you because they have a finger in her honey pot. She has a certain view of sex that is like eating ice cream it just has to happen and be new flavors from time to time. All her friends are guys she has/will/is screwing, Blowjobs are activities for friends co-workers and people that say “hello” or “do you have the time”. In other words she has a certain idea about sex that is not boyfriend relationship conducive unless you like stds , raising others guys kids and being chumped. Good luck though as she may be wonderful otherwise.

          1. Thanks for the comment, Joe. I had missed Unknown’s comment completely.

            Essentially, I agree with what you’re saying. If you’re going to date a known-promiscuous female, you either have to be blind to the facts or accept the facts that you see.

            The concept of “This is MY girl” is out the window. You’re just her #1, or, I should say that you’re the one that has the most access to her, time-wise. You’re the one she’s more likely to spend time with if you and one of her other boyfriends invite her out for the same time period.

            Most guys can’t live with that an choose not to create relationships with women that they know are going to give it up to the next man at the drop of a hat. You called it straight down the line.. “stds , raising others guys kids and being chumped” are the predictable future of your relationship with her.

            Having said that, I’ve seen guys go out like suckers for that type of thing, because, sadly enough, the promiscuous chick is the best sex they ever had. Funny how that works out, right? 😀 It’s the same sex she’s giving everybody else, but when YOU get it, it feels so good to you that you don’t feel like messing with lame “regular” chicks haha. No matter what you tell them, they insist on sticking with these chicks while they run around behind their backs. It’s kind of funny.. If you see their eyes, you can tell they’re drinking the kool-aid. They look brainwashed as they fight against the obvious truth that you’re telling them because they knew it before they started dating the chick… They just laid down with her one time (or several) and couldn’t get back UP! 😀

  7. There is a biological reason why men don’t like promiscuous women and that is because when a woman has sexual intercourse with a man she puts herself at great risk of getting pregnant. If said woman was to get pregnant she would then be burdened with far greater emotional, physical, financial and mental problems as a result of her actions right up until the child is an adult (remember contraceptions were not around in the cave man days) whereas the man could just walk away having learnt of the pregnancy. Therefore a woman who is willing to put herself at this great risk indirectly informs men that she does not value her genes. Another point is that men have an innately strong fear of being a provider for another man’s child so by dating a “loose woman” he stupidly puts himself at risk of bringing up another man’s child if his wife sleeps with another man whilst he’s out hunting.

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