Why Dating Is Confrontational

Kay S. Hymowitz posted a very well written, albeit extremely long-winded (which sounds funny coming from me, haha) article entitled “Love in the Time of Darwinism”. It’s a great read, if you’re not in the trenches, experiencing this stuff first-hand. She basically talks about why guys are disgruntled with the dating scene as it stands today.

She also mentions this term I never heard of, called “Menaissance”, which is supposed to be the resurgence of real men after the systematic REMOVAL of real men from American media for years and years and years and years and years.

According to AskMen.com, here are the rules for the new Menaissance:

No more intimidation
Reject sexual blackmail
Keep your wallet closed
Assert yourself
Be nice
Never apologize for being a man
Expect nothing but ultimate respect

ummmmmmmm….. What kind of BULLSHIT is this? You can’t teach cats to be dogs. You can’t teach horses to be humans and you can’t teach non-Alphas to be Alphas. You have it or you don’t. You’re living that life or you’re not. You can’t read an article that tells you to stand up for yourself and suddenly do it, when it doesn’t make sense in YOUR reality.

How is the average joe supposed to “reject sexual blackmail” when all he wants in life is to get laid? How is he supposed to “keep his wallet closed” if shelling out ducats is the only way he gets women to lay down? How is he supposed to assert himself when he’s already been brainwashed that a gentleman is supposed to be gentile? Why should he “never apologize for being a man” when he’s so busy NOT being a man every day of his life? Why should he “expect respect” when he doesn’t COMMAND respect?

Anyway… there IS no “Menaissance”, because the game hasn’t changed AT.ALL. It’s still about “getting girls”, so guys are going to do whatever’s EFFECTIVE for them to get laid, whether that’s paying money, being intimidated, apologizing or being disrespected left and right as long as they can get some.

Kay’s article reminded me of a topic that was brought up to me back on June 11, 2008. I was having a discussion with a woman who suddenly informed me that she read my blog. Obviously, that changed the tone of the discussion, and she ended up asking me something to the effect of why everything I write is confrontational. I meant to write about that but never got around to it.

The best-case-scenario for meeting chicks is mutual attraction. You like her. She likes you. Done deal. That’s all well and good if A) women like you to begin with and B) you live in the sticks, where there’s no competition. Here, in Manhattan, NYC, USA, there’s a high likelihood that a guy who makes exactly one million more dollars than you do every single year is going to kick it to the same chick YOU want. If you have a MetroCard, a guy with a car wants her. If you have a car, the guy with the yacht wants her. If you live in Brooklyn, the guy that lives in SoHo wants her. If you have a job, a guy with a funded startup wants her.

Basically, you have to be loaded for bear if you’re gonna try to pull a chick here, because she has so many guys offering her sex, money and favors that you have to be better than ALL OF THEM to get her to choose you. So that’s the first reason why relations between men and women are confrontational here. Men are at war with each other for the same chicks. If you’re just not “better” than the next man, you have to have tactics that keep you in the game.

The second, and more important reason why relations between men and women are confrontational is that unless and until you convince a woman that she has something invested in her relationship to you, she’s completely unreliable. You can’t count on SHIT that she says, unless she sees you as “her man” or “the one” or whatever she needs to get her mind right to do the right thing.

This becomes immediately obvious to guys as soon as their plans with a woman are disrespected or cancelled at the last minute or not cancelled and she just doesn’t show up, because “who cares?” πŸ˜€ Who cares about YOU? You’re just another wallet. You’re just another opportunity for sex or a roof over her head or food for her kids. Once guys realize this, they have two options… get depressed or get smart.

So that’s the reason why women can’t trust what men say. Nobody’s interested in telling you the truth. They’re interested in getting what they stepped to you for. If a guy tells you he’d rather have a truthful relationship to his woman than have sex with her, he’s lying……….. or she’s busted. πŸ˜€

One of the more hilarious things about this situation is that WOMEN try to give MEN tips on how to pull women… which usually involves some variation of “Be Yourself”. That’s retarded, because what if “yourself” isn’t good enough? You’re supposed to not get laid because you don’t know which one is the soup spoon? You’re supposed to not get laid because “being yourself” is grabbing her ass and telling her she looks HAWT? πŸ˜€ You’re supposed to not get laid because you’re currently dating 4 other chicks and you ADMIT that to her? Obviously, that’s ridiculous. The advice that women give men benefits WOMEN, not men.

Another problem with the dating scene is that women claim that it’s all about “his heart” and “who he is as a person” and “how he treats her” and then turn around and won’t date a guy that makes less than she does, or a guy that her #*%$ing DOG doesn’t like! :/ When a guy experiences enough of these RETARDED reasons why he can’t get laid, he learns that dating’s like the UFC… You have to take her down (mentally, not physically… stop crying) and you can’t leave it in the hands of the judges.

This is why everything I write is confrontational and about power struggle between men and women. In order to date a chick, you have to fight a war on at least three fronts. You’re fighting against her other suitors (“the next man”), you’re fighting against her own stupid ideas (“my dog doesn’t like him, so…”) and you’re fighting against her nosey girlfriends throwing in their two cents (“you can do better than him!”).

You can’t even relax after you GET her, because the cheating/divorce rates hover around 50%, so only HALF of the guys that go through all the trouble to pull ONE chick get to have her exclusively. Dating is constantly stressful to the guy that understands what time it is. He has to remain on-point and vigilant. He has to maintain his position with her as #1 in order to keep her useful and reliable. The Fellaz know I’m right! πŸ˜€ How USELESS does a chick become right after your relationship is over?

So, yeah. The smart guy does NOT let it go to a decision and leave it in the hands of the judges. He sees what he wants and makes moves to get it. Business is Business. Having said that… running game isn’t for the faint of heart. A lot of guys become MORE depressed about the fact that they have to connive women to have sex with them than they were about the fact that they couldn’t get on in the first place. It’s also potentially depressing how easily women are tricked with bullshit statements like “I love you” and “we’re together” and “I’m not seeing anyone else”……. It’s depressing because you know she doesn’t actually like YOU or know anything about YOU, but by doing some basic and effective tactics, you got what you wanted from her…. or, at least what you THOUGHT you wanted until you actually got it.

~Bill

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9 thoughts on “Why Dating Is Confrontational”

  1. Keep your wallet closed

    No disrespect, but I don’t buy that notion. I don’t care if this is the new millennium – if you’re the guy, you pay on the dates. Your woman may act like it doesn’t matter, but an old-school guy who pays will be noticed.

    Chivalry is not dead unless we choose to kill it.

    I realize that what comes out of the media has to come from somewhere, but I really hate that the media – and urban culture especially – perpetuates some very nasty “user” attitudes towards women. In most hip-hop & rap songs, chicks are “hos” that you “hit” when your “whick” needs a “dip,” provided that you’ve got the Bentley and the bling to make it happen.

    Now that may read as funny but when those values are repeatedly jammed into kids’ ears each & every day, they will soak ’em in and those repulsive ideals will affect them. I’m no saint, but male urban cultural attitudes – and the supporting disposable income that so many people feed into them by the boatloads – really piss me off.

  2. None taken, Rob. πŸ™‚ This blog is a discussion, not a monologue. πŸ˜€

    As far as paying for chicks to eat, this is how *I* see it….

    I’m glad to pay for ANYBODY to eat that’s a friend of mine and is good company… NOT just women. It’s always a nice surprise to find out that what you just enjoyed was a gift from a friend.

    As far as the dating aspect, the reason why guys have to pay is that “dating” is a series of attempts to demonstrate to a woman why she should roll with you… not “roll” as in have sex, haha but “roll” as in why she should want to see you more often and do more things with you.

    When was the last time you heard of a woman picking a guy up in her Porche and driving him to her yacht? That’s right… Never. πŸ˜€ It’s the guys that have to amass wealth in order to attract, entertain and eventually “bag” females. All women have to do is look good.

    Therefore, if you’re NOT trying to show her that you can take care of her in the fashion to which she’s accustomed, you’re ‘short’, and the next man’s gonna scoop her up and break North with no delay.

    As far as “hoes in area codes”, you’re absolutely right. There’s a lot of training that guys receive in what women are useful for. Unfortunately, there’s a very limited range, and most of it’s demeaning towards women. This is why it’s imperative that parents teach their kids about relating to the opposite sex, before they learn it in the street.

    Unfortunately, it’s a cycle. Some guys end up with a lot of money, so chicks throw themselves at them and guys learn that all you need is money to pull women and gals learn that all they need to do is give it up to ride in the Porche and hang out on the yacht.

    There’s pretty much no end in sight right now.

  3. Again, I realize that the media is a symptom, but if the record labels weren’t raking in boatloads of cash for the tripe that the artists put out, they wouldn’t renew their contracts. Young Jeezy wouldn’t be on tour if nobody was buying his exorbitantly-priced tix.

    But sadly, there’s no shortage of apathetic parents who blindly give their kids wads of cash that they in turn spend to support these scumbag artists via album sales & concerts.

    And the blame doesn’t rest with the guys alone. Most female R&B & Hip-Hop artists look much, much more like skanky prostitutes than singers in their videos. They’re perpetuating some nasty stereotypes & attitudes too. Look at Mary J. Blige – she sends out a fairly positive message and has some talent to accompany it, but sometimes her appearance & videos uncut her efforts to encourage stronger, smarter women.

  4. It’s all about respect. If you respect yourself you’ll gain respect from others.

    A lot of guys either go way over the top opening their wallet or just don’t do it enough.. if you can’t get the balance just right you are in for a world of pain πŸ˜€

    1. Good point, UFC. You don’t want to go outside of that respectable range in either direction. You don’t want to overspend OR underspend on women.

      Overspending, you take the chance of looking like you’re trying to buy her.
      Underspending, you’re not doing the little things that show her you’re thinking about her.

  5. “This becomes immediately obvious to guys as soon as their plans with a woman are disrespected or cancelled at the last minute or not cancelled and she just doesn’t show up, because β€œwho cares?.”

    i currently have this exact problem haha. if i were a better man id know how to get smart and get what i want.

    1. Hey Thomas. πŸ™‚

      I don’t think it’s a “Better Man” issue, but rather that everyone learns at their own pace, and depending upon the stimulus they receive… In NYC, I can get rejected by 5 women in 10 minutes! πŸ˜€ haha Now, *THAT’S* PRACTICE! πŸ˜€

      Do that for a day, or a week, or a month, or a summer, and you’ll learn so much from just trial & error that it’s ridiculous… The patterns become obvious, and eventually, the ways to circumnavigate typical issues becomes obvious also.

      The fact that she doesn’t care has nothing to do with you, personally, but rather the fact that like 17 dudes asked her out for the same night, and whether she meets up with YOU or not makes no difference to her at all.

      It’s all a numbers game. Stay in the trenches and keep your eye out for, like they say in “A Bronx Tale”, the Good Ones! >:D

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