Why Your Boyfriend Dumped You

So I’m reading this BlogHer post and the author is amazed that her boyfriend dumped her for not sexing him often enough (in this case, 3 times a week) and I’m like ????? What did you expect?

You know? I mean, really. :/ I find it amazing that we’re moving into the year 2009 and grown-ass-women who have access to books, televisions, IRL friends and computers are SURPRISED when they get dumped because they’re sexually incompatible with their significant other.

That’s why you were hired. Just about the ONLY items in your job description are:

  a) look good
  b) don’t act like a jerk
  c) be sexy

If you can’t do that, you deserve to be fired, and there shouldn’t be any question in your mind why you were ejected. I mean, it’s dumb… It’s like taking a job as a teacher and then complaining that kids keep showing up and asking you questions. :/ What did you EXPECT to do as somebody’s GIRLFRIEND?

Meanwhile… GUESS what would have happened if the conversation had gone in a different direction… What if, instead of breaking up with her on the grounds of sexual infrequency, he had said:

You know?.. You’re kinda lame when it comes to the sex part, so I’m gonna have sex with [ this other chick / these other chicks ] 3 times a week, but you can still be my girlfriend.

That’s right. She would have flipped her wig. 😀

First of all, there’s a problem off the bat if a woman’s COMPLAINING that she has to have sex with her boyfriend. 😀 You’re supposed to do what you WANT to do and what you’re INSPIRED to do when you’re feeling TURNED ON. If you DON’T want to have sex with your SO as often as he does, then you should be glad when some chick gets her Monica on and picks up your slack, right?

WRONG! 😀 It never works out that way. Monica can’t get a pat on the back and an invitation to dinner with the family. Oh no! Monica gets called all types of names. Home-Wrecker, Bitch, Whore, Slut… All because she was handling YOUR business with YOUR man.

Now, I can understand if you’re representin’ in the bedroom, but your man’s just GREEDY and still kickin’ it with other chicks, then, YEAH, he’s ENTIRELY at fault! Also, if y’all discussed the situation ahead of time, and he agreed to little or no physicality, he’s going back on HIS word by dumping you and he’s wrong again. But if you’re just being lazy and slackin’ on the sex, get ready for him to pull that lever so you fall through the trap door in the floor and out of sight.

See, it’s not just a one-way agreement. It’s not just that the guy agrees to be “faithful” to you. You’re also agreeing to keep. him. satisfied. That’s the part that some women will never understand. A relationship isn’t merely carte blanche for you to pull off sex embargoes to blackmail him into doing what you want. You’re ALSO taking on a RESPONSIBILITY, since you’ve agreed to be his sole sexual vendor.

Of course, the guy’s taking on the same responsibility to keep his woman satisfied as well. If her sex drive is higher than his, he’s gonna have to eat his Wheaties, batten down the hatches and hannle his bidnezz! 😀

On a side note… I’ve never understood how some guys go all the way through the process of marrying a chick without tappin’ that first. I mean…. What if you get all the way to the honeymoon and the sex is like “meh :/”?

Anyway… WAKE UP, LADIES!!! We’re about to have jet-packs and cars that fold up into briefcases and y’all are still working off of Elementary School concepts of relationships. If you don’t want to have sex with a guy, FINE. Call him your FRIEND and leave it at that. His GIRLFRIEND is going to be the chick he has the most sex with, so if you want to try to retain the title without putting in the work, that’s gonna be a tough row to hoe.


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  1. People leave (sooner or later) when they don’t think they’re getting what they need. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a right, wrong, or valid need from the other’s perspective. If the dissatisfied part doesn’t leave sooner they are in for “dealing with” the suffering and long brewing bitterness until it blows up. And then they leave. I think there’s a third route where a compromise is made but that’s really tough with needs versus wants.
    Back to the blog:
    The writer quickly grasped what the problem was and she’s actually the first one to say it, “You’re breaking up because you’re not getting enough sex.” So she KNOWS they’re not physically compatible. She also references his calls for relief later on but hasn’t done anything about it except ignore HIS problem and hope he’ll stick around? What choice was he left with? Like he’s probably not seeing her to get something else to offset it, in which case, even if she were some sexual camel she should’ve been around him more so she could’ve showered him with whatever else she can bring to the table. Maybe she’s an incredibly warm and open person, but he ain’t getting that either.

    Now I’ve had a friend say to someone I know, let’s call him Mr. S. But it’s not me, it’s some other guy with the same first initial (no really!)… that he was the kind of person where sex *meant* something to him and in his mind it was an integral part of a relationship. Like boyfriend from the blog. Who knows why? Maybe he got hugged too much as a kid or something and equates touching with love… there are worse reasons.
    Therefore, Mr. S.’ friend postulated, as much as Mr. S. liked sex he would mess up a booty call situation because he’d start looking for more from it. To which he should’ve responded, “You are correct in your assumption, you amoral ho.” Instead he floundered briefly, while he spackled his pride, because surely every real man should be capable of casual sex, right? Well no, and yes. Mr. S has an ego with rules already in it that say no to that kind of thing. It sounds titillating, exotic, and strange, yet empty (see – already looking for more before the, er, ball even drops). Also yes because overriding those rules can occur under duress and of course he’s physically capable if he’s healthy.

    I’m gonna’ summarize in simple terms: I think the blogger was taking more than she was giving by treating her bf like more like a frequent date but only on her terms. Like, you can be around me, but only when I want you to be and my man felt like, damn(!) he ain’t getting paid one way or the other for sticking around. WORD, yo. 🙂

  2. @Steve: Absolutely. She DEFINITELY grasped the “problem” off the bat. So much so that she failed to mention that he used it as a part of breaking up with her. The first time she mentions a breakup is in HER response to what he said.

    But that’s just the point. She KNOWS she’s not adequate for what he’s looking for, but she doesn’t want to be dumped for it. That’s why she asks her married homegirl and gets the answer she didn’t want to hear. Her girl hannles her bidnezz in the bedroom so she’s not going to get dumped anytime soon.

    People would be surprised how many women want to have boyfriends without having sex with them. I’m not just talking about the natural golddiggers who have zero sensuality about them anyway, never intended to have sex for their entire lives and are into guys so they can get paid and not work. I’m talking about regular chicks that just BELIEVE that’s how things go.

    Why in the hell would a guy elect to NOT have sex with every other chick on the planet if he wasn’t being satisfied by his girlfriend or wife? According to that conversation, she wasn’t even PHYSICALLY AROUND HIM three times a week!… HUH??? :/

  3. Yeah, Bill. You’re right about her hearing something she didn’t want to hear from her friend.
    I’m too OMG about your third paragraph to even comment politely.

    Thinking about it now it’s no surprise that when they were actually together my man was trying to get enough in the bank in one day to make it last ’til next week. What happened next may have been THE warning sign, other women started catching his eye, “maybe she has what I need…” Sadly we’ll never know if he was already “moving on” before he flagged the relationship…

    Anyway the dude hung in for a year… and it sounds like they were both waiting for the other side to take care of it without too much discussion. One or the both of them should rent 2 Days in Paris.

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