Let’s talk about women that like to play “Hard to get”. :D
While I was reading the comments on a blog post the other day, I came across an interesting passage:
Lucretia: There’s an old adage that says a man walks up to a woman and says “would you sleep with me?” and she looks offended and says “no!” and he says “okay, would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?” and she says “well, of course!” and he replies with “now that we’ve established what kind of woman you are, let’s talk price.”
Not only is this hilarious, but it illustrates EXACTLY the process that guys go through when they’re dealing with women they want to have sex with. Obviously, they’re not going to offer $1,000,000, because a) this isn’t the film “Indecent Proposal” and b) our boy “Client-9″ has already established for us that you can buy chicks AND import them from out of state for a mere $4,000. :D
Nevertheless, ladies, the fact remains that regardless of what your price is, YOU DO NOT want guys to get the idea that you’re selling ass.
The reason I bring this up is that a lot of women are confused about what “playing hard to get” means. “Hard to get” is a state of mind… it’s a way of being, or a lifestyle. It means that you apply your own personal power and intelligence to CHOOSE whom you have sex with. It means that he’s going to have to be an extraordinary person for you to consider having sex with this guy…. You want to make sure that at the end of the day, you had sex for the right reasons, your self-esteem remains intact and his respect for you remains intact. “Hard to get” has to do with YOUR MIND. It has NOTHING to do with MONEY.
See, this is why it’s called PLAYING “Hard to get”. You’re not ACTUALLY hard to get… You just want to convince other people (or perhaps yourself) that you are. The style women often play that they THINK is “Hard to get” is actually “Expensive to buy”.
“Expensive to buy” leaves you in the position of having as much personal power as a plasma television. Similar to Lucretia’s example (though, at much lower rates), the guy’s job was twofold… a) figuring out what your price is, and b) deciding whether he’s willing to pay that much to have you. See… Basically, you’re like layaway:
“Layaway, also referred to as lay-by in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and Great Britain, is a way to purchase an item without paying the entire cost at once. However, rather than taking the item home and then repaying the debt on a regular schedule, as in most installment plans or hire purchases, the layaway customer does not receive the item until it is completely paid for.”
Notice how that leaves your personality and mentality out of the equation, entirely? This is why you want to AVOID the perception of being a woman who sells ass, and make sure that guys understand that you’re going to do what YOU want to do WHEN you want to do it and that what they do for you can gain them FAVOR, but ultimately, if they get on AT ALL, it’ll be because you decided from your own discretion and personal power that you feel like giving this guy some.
Here’s how you can tell if you’re not ACTUALLY playing “Hard to get”…. If you have criteria in your mind for “giving it up” that the guy you’re thinking about can effortlessly fulfill, you’re playing “Expensive to buy”. Actually, in a lot of cases, you’re even playing “Cheap to buy”, depending on his current cash flow.
As a side note, I used to work for the government, which means that you get to rub elbows with people from all social classes, from the branch director all the way down to the secretaries and security guards. On payday, my lower-class friends would cash their checks… meaning they would go to a bank, hand them the check and receive cash which represented the last two weeks that they worked. So now, these guys, whose pockets were normally perfectly flat and empty had a literal WAD of cash in their pockets. An actual BANKROLL. Along with this bankroll came an extra pep in their step and Cheshire Cat grins a mile wide, because they knew damn well that they were about to get laid. This is the elation that fuels songs like Johnny Kemp’s “Just Got Paid (Friday Night)”. Now, this is great for the fellaz, but disastrous for the ladies, because it’s clear to these guys that some women are for sale. Not in the Client-9 fashion, but TODAY they can afford to provide whatever it is you require to lay down with them.
Here are some examples (by definition of “effortless fulfillment”) of when you THOUGHT you were playing “Hard to get”, but you weren’t. :D If you refused to hook up with him because you liked him and thought he was sexy and wanted to share a good time with him, but you gave it up after he:
Took you shopping ($200)
Told you he loved you (Free)
Took you to dinner ($60)
Waited three weeks (Free, except for whatever cash he spent “dating” you until you finally came around)
Bought you a drink ($7)
Told you he wasn’t dating anyone else (Free)
See what I mean? The difference between you giving it up and “NOT” was something he gave you or did for you, not *your* state of mind. Unfortunately for you, while you consider stuff like this “I made him do what I wanted”, he sees it as “I paid her what she requested”. This is why it’s better to either hook up with him when you FEEL LIKE IT (which might be immediately), because you WANT TO, or even to accept the dates and drinks and clothes and trips and NOT give him some, so you don’t come off as being bought. Believe You Me… There are LOTS of guys that would drop $200 on a chick in a split second if they knew they were going to get on after that. I’ve seen guys drop $600 in a single night in a strip club, so if you think he considers you a holdout or “not easy” because you didn’t give him any until he took you to Miami for the weekend, think again. That money he’s dropping is all in the game… He’s just waiting until he hits your price. :D
As I noted in the list, instead of money, your price might be verbal/emotional. If every time your so-called boyfriend wants to hook up with you, your response is to block him with “Do you love me?”, sooner or later, he’s going to LIE and say that he does, which will result in your panties automatically removing themselves from your person. Same thing goes for meeting your parents or your closest girlfriends. Same thing goes for walking your dog or cuddling with your cat on the couch. Ultimately, the ends justify the means and whatever barriers you think you’re stacking in front of him, he’s gonna climb over them to get to The Promised Land. Once again, you’re better off giving him some from a position of your own personal power than having him think that he FINALLY tricked you into dropping your drawers.
Speaking of drawer-dropping… If you can’t hold your liquor, either don’t bother playing “Hard to get” AT ALL, or make sure you never become extremely inebriated around guys that you’re physically attracted to. As soon as a guy figures out you’re “good to go” after a certain amount of drinks, all other rapping tactics cease and desist. No more shopping sprees, No more late night creeps, No more VIP, No more dough… :D Scottie will divert all of the ship’s dilithium crystals and funds towards getting you drunk. Avoid these situations by either not drinking at all or getting the bartender to add water to your drink while he’s watching the thong contest.
Another good thing you could do to not come off as purchasable is “Go Dutch” or pay for dates yourself. That whole “Guys pay for dates” thing is based on back in the day, when women couldn’t have jobs or own land, so they were dependent upon their suitors to “make them an honest woman” so they didn’t become Old Maids. That’s from back in the day when the cavemen had to go hunt for the food and you had to sit in the cave, hoping you didn’t starve to death. Those days are over. Sistahs are doing it for themselves, YA HEARD? :D Reach for that wallet and pay for half of the dinner or the drink tab or the trip or whatever you just did. That way, when YOU DECIDE to do the right thing and get with the program, he doesn’t get to feel like he’s finally getting what you owed him from all the money he shelled out. He has to recognize that you chose to get with him from your own personal power, and nothing he could have done would have bought you. That’s actually better than playing “Hard to get”… that’s BEING a discerning and powerful woman.