“Hard To Get” vs “Expensive To Buy”

Let’s talk about women that like to play “Hard to get”. 😀

Hard to get

While I was reading the comments on a blog post the other day, I came across an interesting passage:

Lucretia: There’s an old adage that says a man walks up to a woman and says “would you sleep with me?” and she looks offended and says “no!” and he says “okay, would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?” and she says “well, of course!” and he replies with “now that we’ve established what kind of woman you are, let’s talk price.”

Not only is this hilarious, but it illustrates EXACTLY the process that guys go through when they’re dealing with women they want to have sex with.

Obviously, they’re not going to offer $1,000,000, because a) this isn’t the film “Indecent Proposal” and b) our boy “Client-9” has already established for us that you can buy chicks AND import them from out of state for a mere $4,000. 😀

Nevertheless, ladies, the fact remains that regardless of what your price is, YOU DO NOT want guys to get the idea that you’re selling ass.

The reason I bring this up is that a lot of women are confused about what “playing hard to get” means. “Hard to get” is a state of mind… it’s a way of being, or a lifestyle. It means that you apply your own personal power and intelligence to CHOOSE whom you have sex with. It means that he’s going to have to be an extraordinary person for you to consider having sex with this guy…. You want to make sure that at the end of the day, you had sex for the right reasons, your self-esteem remains intact and his respect for you remains intact. “Hard to get” has to do with YOUR MIND. It has NOTHING to do with MONEY.

See, this is why it’s called PLAYING “Hard to get”. You’re not ACTUALLY hard to get… You just want to convince other people (or perhaps yourself) that you are. The style women often play that they THINK is “Hard to get” is actually “Expensive to buy”.

“Expensive to buy” leaves you in the position of having as much personal power as a plasma television. Similar to Lucretia’s example (though, at much lower rates), the guy’s job was twofold… a) figuring out what your price is, and b) deciding whether he’s willing to pay that much to have you. See… Basically, you’re like layaway:

“Layaway, also referred to as lay-by in Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and Great Britain, is a way to purchase an item without paying the entire cost at once. However, rather than taking the item home and then repaying the debt on a regular schedule, as in most installment plans or hire purchases, the layaway customer does not receive the item until it is completely paid for.”

Notice how that leaves your personality and mentality out of the equation, entirely? This is why you want to AVOID the perception of being a woman who sells ass, and make sure that guys understand that you’re going to do what YOU want to do WHEN you want to do it and that what they do for you can gain them FAVOR, but ultimately, if they get on AT ALL, it’ll be because you decided from your own discretion and personal power that you feel like giving this guy some.

Here’s how you can tell if you’re not ACTUALLY playing “Hard to get”…. If you have criteria in your mind for “giving it up” that the guy you’re thinking about can effortlessly fulfill, you’re playing “Expensive to buy”. Actually, in a lot of cases, you’re even playing “Cheap to buy”, depending on his current cash flow.

As a side note, I used to work for the government, which means that you get to rub elbows with people from all social classes, from the branch director all the way down to the secretaries and security guards. On payday, my lower-class friends would cash their checks… meaning they would go to a bank, hand them the check and receive cash which represented the last two weeks that they worked. So now, these guys, whose pockets were normally perfectly flat and empty had a literal WAD of cash in their pockets. An actual BANKROLL. Along with this bankroll came an extra pep in their step and Cheshire Cat grins a mile wide, because they knew damn well that they were about to get laid. This is the elation that fuels songs like Johnny Kemp’s “Just Got Paid (Friday Night)”. Now, this is great for the fellaz, but disastrous for the ladies, because it’s clear to these guys that some women are for sale. Not in the Client-9 fashion, but TODAY they can afford to provide whatever it is you require to lay down with them.

Here are some examples (by definition of “effortless fulfillment”) of when you THOUGHT you were playing “Hard to get”, but you weren’t. 😀 If you refused to hook up with him because you liked him and thought he was sexy and wanted to share a good time with him, but you gave it up after he:

Took you shopping ($200)
Told you he loved you (Free)
Took you to dinner ($60)
Waited three weeks (Free, except for whatever cash he spent “dating” you until you finally came around)
Bought you a drink ($7)
Told you he wasn’t dating anyone else (Free)

See what I mean? The difference between you giving it up and “NOT” was something he gave you or did for you, not *your* state of mind. Unfortunately for you, while you consider stuff like this “I made him do what I wanted”, he sees it as “I paid her what she requested”. This is why it’s better to either hook up with him when you FEEL LIKE IT (which might be immediately), because you WANT TO, or even to accept the dates and drinks and clothes and trips and NOT give him some, so you don’t come off as being bought. Believe You Me… There are LOTS of guys that would drop $200 on a chick in a split second if they knew they were going to get on after that. I’ve seen guys drop $600 in a single night in a strip club, so if you think he considers you a holdout or “not easy” because you didn’t give him any until he took you to Miami for the weekend, think again. That money he’s dropping is all in the game… He’s just waiting until he hits your price. 😀

As I noted in the list, instead of money, your price might be verbal/emotional. If every time your so-called boyfriend wants to hook up with you, your response is to block him with “Do you love me?”, sooner or later, he’s going to LIE and say that he does, which will result in your panties automatically removing themselves from your person. Same thing goes for meeting your parents or your closest girlfriends. Same thing goes for walking your dog or cuddling with your cat on the couch. Ultimately, the ends justify the means and whatever barriers you think you’re stacking in front of him, he’s gonna climb over them to get to The Promised Land. Once again, you’re better off giving him some from a position of your own personal power than having him think that he FINALLY tricked you into dropping your drawers.

Speaking of drawer-dropping… If you can’t hold your liquor, either don’t bother playing “Hard to get” AT ALL, or make sure you never become extremely inebriated around guys that you’re physically attracted to. As soon as a guy figures out you’re “good to go” after a certain amount of drinks, all other rapping tactics cease and desist. No more shopping sprees, No more late night creeps, No more VIP, No more dough… 😀 Scottie will divert all of the ship’s dilithium crystals and funds towards getting you drunk. Avoid these situations by either not drinking at all or getting the bartender to add water to your drink while he’s watching the thong contest.

Another good thing you could do to not come off as purchasable is “Go Dutch” or pay for dates yourself. That whole “Guys pay for dates” thing is based on back in the day, when women couldn’t have jobs or own land, so they were dependent upon their suitors to “make them an honest woman” so they didn’t become Old Maids. That’s from back in the day when the cavemen had to go hunt for the food and you had to sit in the cave, hoping you didn’t starve to death. Those days are over. Sistahs are doing it for themselves, YA HEARD? 😀 Reach for that wallet and pay for half of the dinner or the drink tab or the trip or whatever you just did. That way, when YOU DECIDE to do the right thing and get with the program, he doesn’t get to feel like he’s finally getting what you owed him from all the money he shelled out. He has to recognize that you chose to get with him from your own personal power, and nothing he could have done would have bought you. That’s actually better than playing “Hard to get”… that’s BEING a discerning and powerful woman.


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  1. @Lan: Excellent Question! 😀

    “Marry Me”, in and of itself is neither “hard to get” nor “expensive to buy”. What’s important within that particular “price” is still her own mindset.

    On the one hand, it could be a religious belief that sex before marriage is “wrong”. That wouldn’t be a “price”, but rather a necessary condition. In her mind, marriage comes before sex just like sex comes before pregnancy. It’s that ingrained in her psyche. It’s like saying you have to get in your car before you can drive your car.

    A “price” is something that wasn’t really necessary, but was requested anyway. If you can’t get it before buying her a $200 outfit and then you CAN get it AFTER buying it for her, you could have gotten it in the first place. She just wanted you to jump through a hoop before she gave you what she was going to give you anyway. She didn’t want to “give it up” for free, feeling and appearing “cheap” or easy.

    OTOH, Marriage could DEFINITELY be a price if she doesn’t like/love him as a person to the degree that she actually wants to be married to him. Lots of women marry guys just because they know that guy will be able to afford the lifestyle they want to live (without working for it). In that case, marriage *IS* a price, and a very expensive one. ESPECIALLY if they get divorced and there’s no prenuptial agreement.

    So, yeah… Depending on what her state of mind is, and WHY she’s requesting marriage, it’s either a legitimately necessary condition in her mind or the ultimate in golddigging. 😀

  2. Bill,
    I’m thinking that a wait period could be as ingrained in some ladies as no sex before marriage. It’s not like they open the floodgates at week 3, or date 4, or after meeting the folks, or whatever so much as they won’t even entertain the idea of having sex until after that point. Maybe ’cause
    “that’s not what good women do”. THEN they may still get into Empowered, or Hard to Get, or Expensive to Buy.

    I just made my head spin and I need to sit down. 😀

  3. @Steve: Yeah, women have a bunch of tricks up their sleeves, but we’ve seen all of them already, so there are countermeasures to everything.

    It all comes down to how much a guy’s willing to tolerate to get what he wants.

  4. When will the ladies ever learn that we just want them for their minds and keeping the kitty in the closet just makes us target fixate?
    In retaliation
    I’m gonna’ start playing hard to get but first I need a cat (or two), a lot of comfortable married friends already gettin’ some to tell me I’m dating a jerk so keep looking for someone who’s perfect, and some bon bons. You know, The Hard to Get Support System.

  5. @Steve: “Hard to get” won’t work for you. Women perceive “Hard to get” as “Hard to control”, which means you’re gonna do what you wanna do when you wanna do it and they don’t have any say in the matter.

    This causes women to experience a lack of confidence in their ability to maintain a relationship to you since they can’t figure out how they’re going to hold your undivided attention.

    The whole point of a “relationship” is the illusion of control. If she can’t control you, her “relationship” could evaporate at any second. Regardless of how much she’s sweating you, without control, you’re a fantastic day at the amusement park for her, not a daily fixture in her life.

    This is why men need R&B music to get laid. R&B singers sound sufficiently needy and desperate to put women in a state of belief that YOU feel the same way about THEM. So put the music on and STFU, and eventually her panties are swinging from the chandelier.

    This is also why these pansy dating sites advocate flowers and candy after an argument. Forget about who’s right and who’s wrong. Your goal is to get her to believe that you NEED her in your life, so you’re willing to take one for the team and apologetically crawl back to her.

    Just make sure that when you get back from the florist, you have your SLOW JAM TAPE in your pocket so you can get to the REAL reason you came back to her on bended knee.

  6. Have any of you folks ever used whatsyourprice dot com? And/or what’s your opinion of it?

    When ever I tell people about it, at first they don’t believe me…then they say, “That’s illegal they’re going to shut it down.” Well, I don’t think they can, and I think the guy who created it is going to make a fortune. He’s even patented the concept. I think it’s pretty brilliant.

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