Sexless Marriage? AWWW HELLLS NAW!!!

There’s a post on the website MomLogic entitled “Married Women Hate Sex”. They surveyed 2500 married women and found that “50% of women find sex either depressing, embarrassing or a hassle”… smh :/

Sexless Marriage

Here are some other interesting percentages from their survey:

  • 77% of the women claim their sex life is somewhat to very important to them
  • 54% of married women admit they’re the ones who don’t want to have sex
  • 26% of the women surveyed say their sex lives took a turn for the worst after they had children
  • According to 29% of married women, they’re just too tired
  • 24% would rather take a bubble bath
  • 26% would rather read a book
  •  
    NOW YOU KNOW a brotha had to STOP. RIGHT. THERE. when I read “26% would rather read a book! πŸ˜€ For those of you not hip to the DatingGenius vault of golden oldies, I wrote Take her to the Book Store! over a year ago, on November 10, 2007 after I had heard one of the funniest and most ridiculous things I had heard in quite a while. πŸ™‚

    I had met this chick, who shall remain nameless, and she was all HAPPY about the fact that she had gone out on a date with some guy and he had taken her to the book store after going out to eat or whatever they did first.

    So I’m waiting for the good part, like that he took her to that particular store, because he knew they had a spacious bathroom that locks from the inside where he could isolate her and make some moves, but they actually checked out BOOKS while they were there! :/

    So, after I asked her directly whether she was kidding and determined that she was honestly happy about this date, I asked her “So… What does that prove? That you like to read books with him?” and she was still all happy and gleeful over this ridiculously boring date.

    I ended up changing my valuation of “bookstore technique” and said so in “ItÒ€ℒs The End of The World as We Know It! :(“. It turns out that the guy that pulled it off became her boyfriend and is now living with her, so PLAY ON, PLAYAH!!! and Congrats! to our friend who shall also remain nameless, for being a pioneer in the space and using such rudimentary tactics to such excellent effect! *clap*clap*clap* πŸ˜€

    I realize now, from this MomLogic survey why this worked for him. This is actually pretty brilliant. He kicked it to her as if they were already married! πŸ˜€ Is that GREAT or what? Instead of rapping to her like he wanted to have sex with her, he rapped to her as if he DIDN’T! πŸ˜€ Fantastic! He gave her the experience (which she ended up living into) of how it would be when they were at home together, a loving couple, both reading books. How was *I* supposed to know that 54% of married women admit they’re the ones who don’t want to have sex and 26% would rather read a book??? Playboi was ahead of the curve, FOR REAL! hehe I’m impressed. πŸ˜€

    However… Getting back to the point of this “Sexless Marriage” thing, it’s like, HUHHH???

    Comedians have been saying for ages that sex goes down the drain when people get married, but come on people… 54% don’t want to hook up with “The One”? hahaha omg, that’s pathetic. I mean, you went through all. that. trouble. to corral this ONE guy, and now, you’re like “meh” in the bedroom? πŸ™‚ … But I bet it’s not cool if the next chick comes along and gets her Monica on, right?… uh huh.

    Now, there are legitimate reasons why women stop wanting to have sex with their husbands, such as:

  • She’s too tired for sex now that she has to change, play with, teach and feed a baby while still shopping, cooking and cleaning all day.
  • She’s mentally out of the game, trying to hear if the baby’s crying instead of paying attention to how you’re trying to hit that spot proppah.
  • She doesn’t like how the baby fat sits on her body or how the pregnancy’s restructured her physique.
  • She’s mad at your ass for not doing as much as SHE thinks you should do with the kid… even though you never promised to do JACK with the kid except supply money to sustain the baby’s well-being.
  • She was only having sex with you to have a kid so now that she has one, there’s no reason to mess with you physically at all.
  •  
    But let’s get down to brass tacks here… FELLAZ!!!… If YOUR WOMAN would rather take a bubble bath than mess with you……….

    THAT’S…… YOUR……. FAULT!

    What happened to all those slick tactics you used to get the panties to drop in the first place? πŸ˜€ What happened to your STYYYYYLE? Your TECHNIQUE? πŸ˜€ Did you pull HER, or did SHE pull YOU? Shouldn’t it be EASIER for you to get her to lay down NOW than it was before you even knew her? Knew her parents? Read books with her? Had kids with her? Come on, man. Brush up on those skillz and get back in the game.

    See, we’re always snapping on women for lampin’ on the couch eating bon bons and letting their bodies get into all kinds of states of disrepair, but what about YOU? What are YOU doing to make sure your woman still feels sexy around you or BECAUSE OF YOU? Apparently, 54% of y’all need to get back on your flower game… or your poetry game… or break out those Slow Jam Tapes that you used to use to get her in the mood… or get back in shape… or take her out on dates AS IF you’re trying to get up in there for the first time! Sheesh! Do SOMETHING! πŸ˜€

    If you can’t get THAT back together, at least go the domestic route. You might actually have to babysit every once in a while (yes, yes, I know, I know. A guy can’t actually “babysit” his own kid hahaha), so she can feel like she can relax or take a nap or do something she WANTS to do instead of paying attention to a baby 24/7. You might have to pick up that spatula and make some breakfast. You might have to let her know that even with the baby fat, you’re still willing to / interested in tappin’ that. You might have to sign her up for spinning classes while you’re “babysitting”. You might have to go buy her new lingerie, since the pre-kid stuff doesn’t fit anymore.

    Do SOMETHING, dude. Don’t just let her sit there and sulk. Unless you’re just one of those book-reading type of guys, it’s YOUR sex life that went down the drain along with hers! :/

    ~Bill

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    19 thoughts on “Sexless Marriage? AWWW HELLLS NAW!!!”

    1. Wow! I expected this to end with women being vilified because that’s the typical conclusion… then the finger of blame started to turn in the “wrong” direction. lol

    2. What are YOU doing to make sure your woman still feels sexy around you or BECAUSE OF YOU?

      Bill,
      thank you so much for that question!!! A really important one. Can you have it printed on a huge banner and decorate the Rockefeller Center with it? Please?

    3. @Fishingrod: hahahaha You’re Welcome! hahaha I’ll see what I can do about that banner! πŸ˜‰

      Seriously, though… Even though it was “only” 2500 women surveyed, 1 out of 4 of them would rather TAKE A BATH (without him)? 1 out of 4 of them would rather READ A BOOK? :/

      I know times change and people change and kids change relationships for both people involved, but with failure rates so incredibly astronomically high, you can’t see this problem as ONLY coming from one side.

      From what I’ve heard/read, a lot of guys have a problem with relating to their women after they have kids in the same way they did BEFORE they had them. You hear statements like “I can’t do that to her… she has to kiss my kids with those lips”.

      I don’t really like wikipedia’s entry for Madonna-Whore complex, but it’s something along those lines. Women take on a different, less-sexual meaning to guys like this after having their kids.

      Of course, those SAME guys still want to DO what they used to do to their wives, so that’s why they leave her at home “babysitting” while they go Get They FREAK On elsewhere.

    4. A lot of men just suck in bed too, but women are too scared to tell them so for fear of losing them / getting blamed for having “sexual problems” / hurting their feelings and so the cycle is perpetuated. So many of my friends have never had an orgasm from a man, it’s crazy. But don’t tell their boyfriends that.

      1. Just saw this when I came to respond to “Getcha”‘s post.

        Totally. The same thing I say for chicks extends to dudes as well. If you’re not hooking your girlfriend or wife up sexually, your relationship’s entirely vulnerable to someone who knows what they’re doing and wants to do that for your woman to scoop her up and either return her back under your nose where you never know she stepped out on you or steal her completely and your entire relationship’s OVER.

    5. Awesome post!! It gets old hearing that its all us women who are dropping the balls (pun intended lol)

      I agree with Sophia too, a LOT of men totally suck in bed and think they are great … they are so busy gettin’ their freak on that they don’t pay attention to her lack of movement/touching/noises … you can only fake it to a point and if they were paying attention, they’d know that

      I’m married to my 2nd husband … we got together when I was 27, already divorced & with a kid … he is the FIRST man that made me orgasm … He is also the FIRST man to take the time, every time, to pay attention to me, my body, my needs & wants during sex …

      1. It’s pretty amazing, but then it’s not.

        Guys are taught what gimmicks to use to get women.. Cars, houses, clothes, bullshit pickup lines and meaningless phrases that get women to spread their legs. Nobody tells dudes what to do once they finally BAG a chick. haha It’s pretty funny, but then it’s not. :/

        I think part of the female brainwashing is to not rock the boat, like reader “Christine” was saying in another comment thread recently. It’s better to have the financial security and not have to be a part of the treacherous dating game and call yourselves “taken” by guys that don’t sexually satisfy you than to be single or in a relationship that turns you on but has no security to it. \o/

        I’ve heard that story so many times (women that have never had orgasms) that it really ought to be treated like some kind of pervasive problem or epidemic. πŸ˜€

        1. I agree!

          My sister-in-law has been married to my brother for 14 years … in January of this year, he had to go out of town for work for 3 weeks … they started sexting … when he got home, she told him that she hadn’t been that turned on in years!!! They started talking about what they wanted and found out that they both wanted the same thing, but all these years had been afraid to say something … 14 years!!!! amazed that, like you said, another man or woman, didn’t swoop in

          I think that when women turn 18, they should be given a vibrator, and a video on how to get themselves off … then they know exactly how to do, what they like and don’t like and they don’t have to be sexually frustrated if they aren’t brave enough to tell the man what to do … but men also need to learn to not be intimidated when the toys come out ;o)

          1. AWWWWWW here, we, GO!!! πŸ˜€

            Believe you me.. I’ve heard more vibrator stories from chicks than “This guy rocked my world” stories in the last two years. *WAAAAAAY* more!

            If guys aren’t handling that business, they’re roommates at best. AT BEST! They might just be the food, clothing & shelter providers while their women get it on with guys that MAKE THEM FEEL LIKE GETTING IT ON.

            Unfortunately, the “cheating” thing doesn’t work quite the same way for most women as it does for men. Guys can go get some and it’s merely recreation.. Desire Fulfillment.. and then come back to their wives and families content. Women are more likely to get caught up in the sex & the feelings and then feel like “Why the hell am I *WITH* this guy? \o/” when they go back to their loveless, sexless “relationships”.

            Ultimately, I think your concept about having girls take control of, own and understand what makes them feel hot sexually and what gets them off would be a good thing for females across the board. Guys don’t live like that. We know what we want, what we like and what we don’t want and like. Yes, there are guys that put up with things they don’t like, but it’s a conscious decision.

            I wonder how many GUYS are with women that don’t turn them on and get them off… and if so… WHY? O_o

            1. you know what, you’re absolutely right

              my husband tells stories about the guys that are hitting the bars after work, looking for a lay because they don’t want to get it on with their wife, but they are stuck – house, kids, bills, etc

              If I had it my way, I’d have everybody, men & women, go through a class or something, something that would teach them to feel their body, to know that sex is not a taboo subject … to teach them that if they are going to allow another person to touch them, then they need to be able to tell that person what feels good and what doesn’t … I can wish right!

    6. “Women take on a different, less-sexual meaning to guys like this after having their kids.” I really don’t see that too often, Bill. The statistics ARE ridiculous, bubble baths and books over the best thing around.
      Sophia is right. “a lot of men just suck in bed, too…” and it is the “too” part which I think bears examining.
      Couples with children, particularly, seem to develop the “too much water under the bridge” syndrome. Resentment. I ask women when they first started saying “**** you, **** you very much” under their breath, with the regularity of a mantra, to the husband they don’t want/like sex with. Sometimes it’s the three year point, but when that becomes a more common than not reaction, no way the woman is going to feel like *******! At least not with him!
      Women don’t cheat unless they are mis-laid in the first place. But they can put the brakes on the opportunity to be laid properly through their negativity and holding on to resentment.

      1. Well.. It’s definitely a vicious cycle.

        One of the funny things I hear from women is that they have better sexual times with less attractive dudes because they know they have to try harder. When a guy’s “got it like that”, he’s often not too concerned with whether the gal gets off or not because what difference does it make? \o/ He’s gonna get more girls next week and tomorrow and next month regardless of how he performs.

        Meanwhile, the lesser dudes are grateful and they aim to please so they might get a callback. πŸ˜€

        I never understood this because I grew up with females being sport. It’s not enough to bag them. Anybody can do that with the proper sap rap. The pleasure and achievement is in ROCKING them. Putting them in “Deep Check” because you did things to them that they hadn’t had done before or if they did, not the way YOU did it, with the intensity that you did it and for as long as you did it.

        Nobody got any credit for saying “Yeah, I ****** her.”.. So what? Anybody could do that. The goal is to make her cum on herself in the park. Take her to her house and put her to sleep, literally. Make her beg YOU to stop because she’s about to lose her GOT-damned mind. That’s when you’ve put in work and you can pat yourself on the back. I just plain don’t understand these dudes that let their girlfriends and wives go without orgasms.. It’s like “What did you pull her for in the first place? \o/”.

    7. Deep check makes the world go round. I think that either a guy can do it or he can’t. Innate. It takes the ability to read energy and know how much you can bring out of a woman and how deeply she’ll dive with you. Take her on an epic journey. Until she doesn’t know the English language anymore, or any language except that of deep satiation. A man has to want to do that in order to achieve that. Alert. Alert.

      1. To go off on a tangent.. That’s precisely my problem with porno and strip clubs. They bore the hell out of me because it’s obvious that the women aren’t being moved. They’re merely opening their mouths and spreading their legs so they can get a paycheck.

        Even if they enjoy doing the movies, they’re still not MOVED. You can tell that they’re perfectly present and it doesn’t actually matter to them at all how many guys are simultaneously messing with them or what’s being done to them.

        It’s exactly as you said, Christine. It’s an energy issue. Being a mover of women, I can tell when women aren’t being moved.

        The same way I like to feel, that’s how I want *HER* to feel. There are some women I can spend time with and I’m like “Meh, Whatever”. Other women, I’m mostly contemplating and considering hooking up with them while we’re platonically socializing because without their TRYING to turn me on, they do. Their looks do it, our interactions do it, our attention to each other does it, the way she walks to the bathroom does it, the fact that she DESERVES someone to put her to sleep tonight does it…

        As far as English, you’re spot-on with that also. If she can coherently answer questions, you haven’t put in enough work to put her in the zone yet. No props for you. No credit. Make it happen.

    8. Desire is an altar.
      So juicy.
      To turn one on, to be turned on, is all consuming. It moves one beyond one’s self, like Rumi describes over and over again in his poetry. Intercourse begins with the tilt of a head, smoothing a skirt, resonance of voice, eye contact. His scent and smile slowly spread campfire warmth. Wow. Taking all of the elements and delighting in their play.Feeling so alive, soon to be consumed on that altar of Desire… and grateful! How you filter it is like mixing music. And you can play it back again and again. Doing that sure keeps us (women) happy!
      I hope I write a garbled response really soon!
      C

      1. It absolutely IS an altar.. Which is why it’s so frustrating when women front as much as they do.

        Go With The Flow isn’t in a lot of women’s vocabularies. They ruin the moment with necessary stalling, fueled by society’s expectations of them as well as biology.

        The fronting catalyzes the business, then women complain when men play them for sex.

        We’re just getting to the point that we naturally would have reached, if you would have gone with what you were feeling instead of what you were thinking…

    9. i think it’s also important to frame those stats with the understanding that they came from a website called “momlogic” in the first place… it’s certainly a VERY specific demographic. it’s not only moms, but moms who want to spend their spare time going online to talk to other moms.

      1. Yes. Context is so important.

        I try to be objective in what I say, though I’m clearly biased in my opinions.

        I think it’s better for dialogue if you try to present things neutrally instead of skewed towards one side.

        If you can’t avoid that, go back and forth… Write something from one perspective, then something from another.

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