Bill Cammack

350 Responses to “Why You Got Dumped After Sex”

1. NINO says:

   January 15, 2009 at 5:21 pm

   Mr. Cammack, why did you not share this wisdom with me 17 years ago? I knew you were holding back. After 15 years I guess I must be doing something right.

   Reply
   • Bill Cammack says:

     January 15, 2009 at 5:25 pm

     hahaha You’re definitely doin’ the right thing, Family Man! :D

     I’m the one doing the WRONG thing, out in these trenches, still dealing with ridiculous situations!!! :D

     Hey, maybe it’ll come in handy REAL SOON when I start writing my books! ;)

     Reply
     • Cynthia says:

       February 3, 2011 at 7:35 am

       I’m 22 and I just went through a breakup with my boyfriend of 4 years. I met this guy about two weeks ago and we automatically clicked. He’s considered one of the “bad boys”. Since he’s not someone that I would want a relationship with I figured that me and him could just be friends. He always asks me about my ex’s and I told him that the only two guys that I’ve had sex with were my two ex’s. I told him how there were many times that I ws not satisfied sexually with neither one of them because neither one of them could last long when we had sex. He told me that he was the total opposite and he could satisfy me and last alot longer than they could. To make a long story short the second time he invited me over his house we had sex and I know it was way too soon. I was very hesitant. There was alot of foreplay and he went down on me. The problem was that he only lasted for three minutes. I think he was a little embarrased. He told me that it was real good and he usually last alot longer with other females. I told him I didn’t believe him and he was like I promise you I do. Well afterwards he went downstairs to try to get his friend a ride to his gf’s house. He was like baby can you come downstairs for a minute so I wouldn’t be up there alone. I decided that maybe that was his cue for me to leave so i put on my jacket and my shoes. When I got downstairs he was like wait why do you have your jacket on and I was like I’m leaving what else am i suppose to do. His friend burst out and started laughing. He was like well I’ve got to take my friend somewhere anyways. He told me to call him as soon as I got home but he didn’t pick up. It’s been almost a week and I haven’t heard from him. I hope me and him can still be friends but as far as sex I think he knows from my complaints about my exes that I didn’t enjoy it. Why do you think he hasn’t called? May be the sex wasn’t good enough.

       Reply
       • Bill Cammack says:

         February 4, 2011 at 4:07 am

         Hey Cynthia. :) Thanks for the comment/question.

         First, you need to go read http://billcammack.com/2008/07/07/lindsey-bill-does-he-want-to-be-friends/.

         If you’re attractive, guys are going to want to have sex with you. Whether they actually want to be friends with you is a separate issue, entirely.

         Women tend to have a different definition of “friends” than men do. For guys, being “friends” with an attractive female means “I’m going to **** her the first chance I get, by any means necessary, but until she decides to give it up, I’ll let her hang around me”.

         Gals misunderstand guys’ acceptance of the label “friends” as meaning “not sexually attracted to”. It actually means “Delaying acting on obvious sexual attraction”.

         Are there guys that aren’t sexually attracted to you that will spend time with you? Yes, there are => http://billcammack.com/2009/10/17/10-reasons-he-wants-to-be-just-friends/. Other than that, guys that think you’re hawt are going to be ready and willing to hook up with you at the drop of a hat (read: immediately, if not sooner).

         In this particular case, it’s Standard Operating Procedure to tell a chick that you can do something that their man couldn’t or wouldn’t do. *yawn* It’s like Game-101. Elementary. In fact, the only reason a guy’s going to ask you about your ex-boyfriends is so he can get you talking about sex and find out what you’re looking for. Y’all tell guys everything we need to know to get you to lay down with us. It’s really pretty basic.

         As far as the 3-minute thing…

         If a guy doesn’t have any incentive to make it last with you, he’s gonna get his ASAP. Sometimes, it’s an issue of not being ABLE to hold out, but lots of times, it’s just that he enjoys your body or how you look or how you move or whatever, and he’s like “This is good enough for MEEE! :D” and does his thing. It really doesn’t take very long for guys, as you’ve found out.

         It might not have anything to do with you at all. You might just have had the bad luck of kickin’ it with several guys that don’t care very much about a) your sexual satisfaction, or b) their sexual reputation, because everybody knows that chicks talk to each other about how it was for them, so if you’re willing to put in a poor performance, you may as well announce to the world that you’re wack and any chick that steps to you from now on can expect the same thing.

         From what you wrote, I would assume he hasn’t called because he’s embarrassed that he came so fast after talking all that “Love You Long Time” BS or that he’s one of those guys that hooks up with chicks for the experience of getting them, not for messing with the same chick several times.

         Either way.. You just need to decide for yourself who you want to hook up with and what you’re willing to put up with as far as lack of sexual satisfaction. When a dude cares about what you think, how you feel, and whether you got off or not, he’ll put in the time & energy to do the right thing by you.

         Reply
         • Cynthia says:

           February 5, 2011 at 1:24 am

           wow!! thanks so much for the advice. This really helped.

           Reply
           • Bill Cammack says:

             February 13, 2011 at 10:32 am

             You’re welcome, Cynthia. Good luck with your situation. :D

             Reply
             • kerris says:

               February 19, 2011 at 2:08 pm

               Bill, i wonder if i can ask some advice. i seriously need help. i feel completeley lost at the moment. I met a man on the internet. he is 33 i am in my 40s. We were very attracted to each other, and also intellectually sparking off each other and similar passion obout similar interests etc.
               We met and sparks flew. I was wary about getting into bed too soon although i was so attracted something held me back. however couldn’t resist kissing passionalty for quite a along time on the first date. And it felt so good.
               he wanted to see me again ‘ as soon as possible’ because of my strength of feeling for him already and the fact i was scared of my vulnerability i finished it but after he contacted me about it i tried to explain and he came over that night and again we had a good night, although it was quite heavy for a second date. again he asked if we could go and kiss in the car. He also told me he had a very strong sex drive. Again we kissed in the car and it progressed to a little more. I was meant to see him on Saturday, and after not hearing on friday i phoned friday night, and he seemed very pleased to hear from me. he text three times on saturday, and asked in one of the texts if we could have a romantic evening on our own. Agsin. i became mistrustful of his motives. we ended up though in the pub chatting and seeming to get on really well arms round me, kissing me attentive etc. he then asked again about comming back to make love. At this point i tried to talk to him about how it would feel for me if someone slept with me and buggered off. I ‘m very sensitive and giving myself physically is a huge emotional step. I already really liked him, and i knew if he did that i would be very very hurt. i tried to say i was not looking for casual sex, and he made some overture of saying he needed to settle down, but i felt it was forced. he did in the conversation talk about us doing things together in the future. I was so confused. On his phone was a picture of a gyrating female it was a kind of hologram thing but i couldn’t work out if he was genuine or a player. He said he liked my intellience and he could see i wasn’t a walk over. I said no to sex again but said one day in the near future. and he said ok but he was going to explode if we didn’t do it soon!!( messy indeed) we went to the car together and althougb it got very fruity and he came, we didnt have sex. Yes i was withholding because i didn’t trust he would stay around.
               as i got in my car i saw his face, and i knew there was something wrong. 2 days passed and i gave up . i assumed it was over. Then i had a text. A few things were worrying him since sat and he wasn’t sure it was a good idea. perhpas we should talk. We agreed a day to meet and talk but in the meantine his texts were short, without kisses, and terse. I couldn’t face the meeting. I knew i would be emotional and i felt whatever the outsome, he would have made up his mind. it would weaken my position. i text to say perhps we should both take a little time out. and he text back to agree and basically said time part would be a good idea. and that i could mail him or facebook him. i felt his text was taking this to a whole new casual level and I text him to say i would leave it to him to tell me what had happened on sat if he felt he wanted to and told him to ‘take care’ and thats the last i heard.

               I’m upset by my own reactions.I’m such a warm person and i acted so coldly. Its pure fear. i’m so scared of being slept with and dumped, i know how hurt i would be. ireally really liked this guy, and i don’t feel i’ve been authentic since his’ perhaps we should talk’ text. i didn’t want to become just an associate so i looked hard and pulled awayI still don’t know whether he was playing me or genuine, but if he was genuine, i’ve done us both a mis service . I’m incredibly loving sensual and tactile once i trust the persons intentions and he didn’t really get to see this side of me.
               any help or advie would be appreciated. I think i came across as an emotionally stunted hard nosed woman. where the oppostie is true. I probably felt involved very quickly. He may have been frightened off because he was so full on sexually, i had to keep talking about a serious relationship and that may well have been too heavy, when infact, i could have dated him casually for ages if he hadn’t have put the sexual pressure on me. The tragedy of it is is that we were both incredibly tactile with each other and seemed so compatible x thanks Bill Kerris

               Reply
       • Dr. RB says:

         February 9, 2011 at 3:04 am

         Given your age and the circumstances you encountered, i would imagine this fella is in his 20′s, which usually is the age of someone pretending to be somebody their not. For instance, how he said he would do everything opposite of your past ex’s and your sexual experiences you had that wasn’t gratifying. The problem with this fella was that he couldn’t deliver what he promised and that is why I strongly believe is the core reason why he isn’t calling you back. He can’t face you after his light switch experience. Basically, you turned it on and he turned it off – BAM!!! That quick and so was his orgasm. Sad for him, but good for you. Why? Simple! He will always be a light switch and it would now be too much of a challenge for him to NOT repeat what had happened during your encounter, especially with you having the upper hand on him which is knowing that he is MINUTE MAN!!! That is a title no man takes lightly. The foreplay and your hesitation of not giving it up was his downfall. He wasted all that energy and the heart beat racing mad concluded to his muscles (Down there) being stimulated by the irregular heart beats he was experiencing. I guarantee that while he was down there, you know, DOWN TOWN! The minute he saw that he had you where he wanted you, he probably ended the eating of the cake and cut a slice and served himself a piece. The problem was that he didn’t get to try the frosting because he ate the cake to damn fast. TRANSLATION: A YOUNG BUCK!!! That’s why younger women are dating guys who are much older than them because of that same reason. Maturity equals satisfaction in many forms; such as multiple orgasms, conversational skills, financial stability, less bullshit, and most importantly – Better Sex!!!! A mature man and confident man won’t ask about your ex or past sexual experience. That isn’t an important factor to us because it was your past and it wasn’t a good one. Mature men knows what has to be done and understands a woman’s needs. Mature men read body language and spend less time looking at your breasts, but more time looking into your eyes to read what you are hiding or don’t want to expose. Mature men listens when you speak and responds to your questions. Mature men don’t say they understand what you went through, but instead say they wish you didn’t experience that. Mature men don’t patronize, but instead relates to your pain or suffering. Mature men don’t say everything is going to be alright, they’ll say “Together we will work through this with great results.” Bottom line, you are not getting younger and it’s time to leave the boys with their video games for a nice dinner and Broadway show. That’s a night out of town that already has FOREPLAY written all over it. God Bless!

         Reply
     • Aurora says:

       August 23, 2011 at 5:29 pm

       About 3 weeks ago i went to a rave. i met this guy who i danced with the whole night and who i hooked up with (we didnt have sex), i was extremely intoxicated. we exchange numbers, and i txtd him 2 days later. we figured out a day to get together and do it. we talked through out the week about other things not just sex, we had good laughs. he drove about 80 miles to visit me on a wednesday night. we did it, and it was good, he said he enjoyed it. then we talked for another hour and he left. i would like for us to keep having sex. its been a week and he hasnt texted me or anything.

       Reply
       • Bill Cammack says:

         September 5, 2011 at 5:18 pm

         Have you texted him? o_O

         Does he know you enjoyed yourself and would like to see him again?

         Reply
         • Say says:

           November 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm

           Hi there…I’m an (attractive) 28 y/o who is going thru a divorce after 7 years of marriage. We’ve been living separately for 4 months, he’s definitely moved on and I just started to put myself out there again. I recently went to a club with some friends and they introduced me to this guy. It seemed like he was there with someone, but he bought me a drink and got my number right in front of her. He was talking to me when he gave her the keys to his car and said she could take the car…I guess he thought he was coming home with me. I saw the girl give him a dirty look on her way out. I asked him what the deal was and he said it was his cousin. I laughed it off and said “that’s a sexy cousin you got there.” He said “Oh yea, you want me to hook you up?” and I said “nah, she’s not my type…” He asked where we were going and I said back to my friend’s house but basically I let him know it wasn’t that kinda party. He ended up leaving with his “cousin.” We spoke on the phone later that night for maybe a half hour, we got to know each other a little, I told him about how I’m a business owner and a college graduate, volunteer and a mother of one, and he shared a little bit about his life with me. He told me that night that I would be his girl. I laughed and said “oh yea? we’ll see…” The next day he called our mutual friend (whose house I was staying at), made some small talk and eventually asked to speak to me. I told our friend to have him call me on my phone. He sent me a text and said he wanted to see me, that we could do whatever I wanted. I ended up calling him when I got home, but I had my son so I told him I couldn’t do anything with him that night (of course I don’t wanna bring any strange men around my son) he said he understood…then I said he could come over and watch a movie with me after my son fell asleep…and he did. It didn’t take long for him to be all over me, I’m not gonna lie, it felt amazing, no one has ever kissed me or touched me the way that he did. But there was no way I was going to sleep with him that night, and I told him I wanted us to get to know each other a little better and I also made sure to let him know he was really good at what he was doing. We chatted for a bit and we fell asleep with him holding me on my couch. A few hours later his phone rang at about 3am, someone called to say his brother got into a car accident. Then a few other phone calls came in and he jumped up and threw on his shoes. He walked outside and stood at my front door. It looked like his world came to an end. All of the emotion left his face. He hung up the phone and said “I have to go, I think my brother just died.” I was in shock, I didn’t know what to say but as soon as he left I said a prayer for him and his family, and I sent him a text saying that they were all in my prayers and if he needed anything at all I’m right here. A few more days passed and our mutual friend asked me to send him a message and ask if he was ok and I did…no response, a few more days passed and I sent him a message just letting him know he was in my thoughts and to stay strong and goodnight. No response. The last text I sent was a simple “hey” a few days later, at this point I had heard the details of the tragedy and really just wanted to be there for him, if/when he wanted me to. No response. I left it alone. After about ten days he called me at 11:45 pm on a wednesday night. I answered out of my sleep and he asked if he woke me up, and said if so he could call me another time. He sounded so sad. I told him yes, I was sleeping, but I was happy to hear from him. I asked him how he was holding up, and invited him over. He mentioned the time and said, if I come, can I stay until the morning, I said sure, he said it would be good for him to get away. I was really happy to hear from him, and I was also excited I would be seeing him again, since I liked him a lot and I loved the way it felt when he touched me and kissed me. When he got here he looked sad, of course and I put in a movie and we sat on the couch. He cuddled right up to me and eventually started to kiss me and I saw where this was going. I wanted it as bad as he did, but I didn’t feel ready. I let him know the deal. He asked if we could go lay down and I said yea, it’s late. Of course, he started kissing me again and was feeling all over me. He asked me to give him a chance and he promised I wouldn’t regret it. I told him I didn’t think I would…It felt great and even though part of me didn’t want to go there yet, part of me NEEDED it..lol He fell asleep and I jumped in the shower, groomed–lol, and slipped back into bed. He started telling me he wanted me to be just his and he whispered in my ear “will you be my girl?” I told him that I liked him but we barely knew each other. He told me we could get to know each other. I said “well, I could…” and he said “no, it’s not that you could, you are, and that’s it.” Then he grabbed me and he started to kiss me again, asked if he could take off my pants and kiss me “there” I said yes, and he did, the next thing you know he tried to slip it in without a condom…don’t know what’s wrong with you men these days…He went and got the condom he brought and we started having sex…It was decent…But I thought I heard my son coming and that was an embarrassing interruption that turned out to be my dog! When I came back to bed I noticed the condom was broken. hmmm Again, he tried to go raw…saying I won’t get you pregnant, I’ll pull out…” hahaha, I told him I’d go see if I had a condom. I found one but it was one of those extended pleasure condoms that numb your shyt. It kind of fked things up, made the sex go on a little longer than it should have. I went down on him to try and fix the situation and ended up rinsing the numbing solution off the condom in the sink…ugh embarrassing!! As soon as I did that he finished…but I must admit it was awkward…I fell asleep in his arms and in the morning at around 9am he left. He kissed me on my mouth, nose and forehead and said he had to go and that he’d call me when he made it home. I said ok. He never did…The next evening I sent him a text saying “damnnnnn bby I didn’t hear from “may man” alllll day, I see how it is lol” and he responded an hour later with ” my bad bby” I responded with “whats up w/u” and hours passed with no response…Eventually I wrote “obviously you’re fulla shyt and didn’t mean anything you said to me last night, I gave you a chance and I regret it.” He never responded to that. I was really upset, because truly, I’m not used to getting played, and I don’t like the feeling. I went to go and pick up my son from his father’s house two days later and I ran in to use the bathroom. I saw condom boxes all over…I got mad and realllllllllly wanted to do me. But I had already given myself to somebody, and I figured why not get some more of him? I asked a friend what she thought and she said fk it call him and tell him to come over and handle it…So I called him, we said hello to each other, and I said “so whats up booty call?” He was like “what?” and I said “what’s up booty call?” and he was like “whoa, if that’s how you wanna see me.” and I said “well, it’s not really how I WANT to see you, but it is what it is, right?” and he said “well at least you’re honest.” So I asked him to come over and he said he had a few things to do with his mother and sister, but that he’d come by later. He never showed up…never called, never answered my calls or texts and that was that…Am I crazy? Him hitting it and never calling when he said he would after hitting me up at 11:45pm the night before was treating me like a booty call right? Do you think he took offense to this or is he just a dog? I sent a text saying I was lonely & only wanted him & I tried calling him a few days later and he never answered. I sent a text saying I didn’t know if it was what he was going thru (w/his brother passing away) or if he just didn’t want to talk to me, but to let me know. No response. Still haven’t heard anything…so I deleted his # from my phone. I’m pissed though…If he didn’t act so into me, and actually try to establish boyfriend status with me, he never woulda hit it, as much as I was feeling him. I guess he just said what he needed to say to get what he wanted to get….Thoughts?

           Reply
2. Frank says:

   January 21, 2009 at 2:47 pm

   4)Maybe its me sweety and had nuttin’ to do with you! I have many times left my place knowing that i was gonna get my buzz on and call a shawty afterwards (you know, the booty call girl). Gettin’ azz was the motivating factor getting me out of the house on that cold night. It just so happens that i caught the eye of sum sweet young thing at the bar and having been blessed with the gift of gab… Well one thing leads to another and I make like a trained dancer and TAP all over dat! Maybe it was corny or maybe she had me making up words to describe the session like “that shyt was GOODER than a mofo” either way, mission accomplished! I got ME sum azz and now its a wrap. Nuttin’ personal was just looking for the release!
   BTW: You can see dudes like me coming. Our convos are very transparent and superficial PLUS we seem more interested in your comment about how its been a ruff week and you need to let off steam! oh reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaally…

   Reply
   • Bill Cammack says:

     January 22, 2009 at 7:21 am

     Dude. I’m telling you. SRSLY. Write a book! HAHAHA I get more laughs from your comments than you get from my posts! :D

     Right, Right… There’s always the potential that a gal was only seen as extracurricular activity from the giddyap. Y’all won’t know the difference, because a guy’s gonna come at you the same way whether he wants you long-term or short.. or like basically no-term haha. :)

     I was more speaking to the situation where women feel like they’re “in a relationship” as opposed to they go out, meet a guy, give him some, then hear DOO, DOO, DOOOOO… THE NUMBER YOU HAVE REACHED… 555-1212… IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE… NO FURTHER INFORMATION IS AVAILABLE ABOUT… 555-1212… THANK YOU… GOOD-BYE! :D

     Reply
3. AM says:

   January 21, 2009 at 3:29 pm

   Here’s what “science” has to say on the subject …

   Mathematicians’ guide to first-date etiquette [independent.co.uk]

   Reply
   • Bill Cammack says:

     January 22, 2009 at 7:25 am

     Fascinating link… “A.M.” ;) Thanks for sharing that. A quote from there:

     “By delaying mating, the female is able to reduce the chance she will mate with a bad male. A male’s willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he is likely to be a good male.”

     Pardon my ‘French’, because this is 99% a “family show”… But “A male’s willingness to court for a long time is a signal that he has other pussy already.”

     Reply
     • frank says:

       January 22, 2009 at 11:31 am

       other pussy AND more likely than not a need to close out the deal! We all have had that one girl that because we had to wait, now its on! Ima get dat!!!!

       Reply
       • Bill Cammack says:

         January 22, 2009 at 11:44 am

         Right… I don’t think I got to that point in this post, but it’s definitely a possibility that due to excessive holding out and Fronting On The Jimmy, a guy sticks around for that one Grudge-[Lay] and after he enjoys the hell out of that ish, he doesn’t want to have anything else to do with her.

         The thing is, he didn’t want anything to do with you BEFORE THAT, but he was just holding out to see if he could finally get the only thing he was talking to you for in the first place.

         Reply
         • frank says:

           January 22, 2009 at 3:43 pm

           damn dude, i would say we see eye to eye but with the verbal spanking handed out on “only date broke chicks”, uhm you on your own! lol

           Reply
           • Bill Cammack says:

             January 22, 2009 at 3:46 pm

             lol, It’s still going on, man! hahaha

             Good thing for me, I type “Fast Than A Mug” or *I*D be out of that conversation TOO!!! :O

             Reply
4. Amy says:

   February 12, 2009 at 1:39 am

   I have NEVER understood why so many men put in so much effort lying/deceiving a girl to get in her pants, then immediatly dump her afterwards!!!

   How can they be so shallow, and why date a girl for a month just to drop her after sleeping with her once!? Surely they would want to sleep with her again if they spent all that time just to get sex…

   And I’m sorry but I DO qualify as a person and I don’t understand why so many men are game players and use deceitful mind games to take advantage of women.

   In contrast to the average man’s selfish manipulation, It’s not like I would ever consider leading on some innocent man to make him pay for presents, jewellery, flowers etc and then immediately piss off without giving him a second glance.

   If men got it their way, they would want a women to look and act like a porn star and never ask for anything!! And never get pregnant, and not mind when she is dumped for the next hotter, younger girl that comes along!!!

   Because men just want to spread their seed and play the field and never develop any feeling for any woman.

   Reply
   • Bill Cammack says:

     February 12, 2009 at 4:15 am

     Hi Amy. Thanks for the comments. :)

     Eventually, I’ll try to explore the topic in-depth, but the short answer of my reply to why guys lie so much to get laid is that nobody’s interested in monogamy off the bat.

     Guys want to get laid, period. If they can do it to-day… They will. If they can do it next week, they will. If they can do it next month, they will. Also, just because one woman’s holding out on a guy doesn’t mean that OTHER women aren’t giving him some.

     A lot of the time, what happens is that by the time a gal finshes making a guy jump through hoops to hook up with her, he’s already having sex with some OTHER woman who’s actually DOWN FOR HIM and WANTS to have sex with him as opposed to someone that’s willing to barter him sex in return for whatever her list of demands is. Do you see how “blah” that is? A woman that you’ve given light to and she uses that as a chance to get stuff from you? A lot of times, guys are just “staying in the pocket” long enough to see if she finally gives it up or not.

     Another reason is that some guys are ONLY into the question of whether they can get her to give it up or not. Once she does, there’s no challenge anymore, so they can move on to the next gal(s).

     Another reason is that when the guy finally got it, he detested the sex. She talks too much, she talks too little, she talks about the wrong things, she sounds like a porno, she sounds like nothing’s going on, he doesn’t like how her body feels, he doesn’t like the fit, she’s not sensual when she does things to him…..

     For some reason, women seem to believe that sex is good by definition… Like, because sexual contact was achieved, that means it was GOOD sex. Far from true, haha :)

     Also, you’re right about your last two comments. While there are lots of guys out there looking for committed relationships and someone to start a family with, for the most part, what we do is known by the generic, impersonal term, “getting girls”. No idea who these women are going to be. We’ll find out when we get wherever we’re going today. Makes no difference, and we’ll meet more tomorrow and the next day. We don’t need their numbers because we’re more likely to go meet new gals than call ones we already met.

     Which brings me back to the solution. Even the most hardcore ‘players’ that I’ve known have had “main squeezes” from time to time… Women that lasted for months or even years on that list to call up and go places. That doesn’t mean those women had any SAY in what those guys did or that their relationships were monogamous, but they had a special position… They got to be around, when most other women got no consideration at all.

     The solution, therefore, is to demonstrate who you are as a person and WHY a guy should want more than to just mess with you and move on. I don’t think women demonstrate enough personality, often in fear that they’ll mess up their rap… when, in reality, the only thing that can save their rap IS their personalities.

     Reply
     • Lin says:

       April 18, 2009 at 4:12 pm

       “For some reason, women seem to believe that sex is good by definition…”
       When or where did the idea come from that “women seem to believe” that? I mean really?!!? Women, of all people would least agree seeing as how they dont climax as readily as men… Which is the point as it relates to this post (the other being, to make babbies). In fact wasnt it believed for a long time that women didnt even like sex? So um, yea…

       Reply
       • Bill Cammack says:

         April 18, 2009 at 4:47 pm

         Hey Lin. Thanks for the comments. :)

         To clarify.. What I’m saying is that as long as women enjoyed the experience, they’re prone to believe that the guy enjoyed it as well. Also, as long as THEY feel that the guy should want to hit it again, they’re surprised when he doesn’t. In his eyes, it “wasn’t all that”, but because she’s all souped up over the experience, she’s not aware that he’s done with messing with her.

         Of course a woman is going to consider sex good as long as she ‘got hers’, because that’s GOOD! :D .. In the context of this post, you could have gotten dumped after sex because he didn’t want any more after your lame showing the first time.

         Also, it wasn’t so much “believed” that women don’t like sex, but women are trained NOT to like sex as a method of controlling them and attempting to ensure that the kids a man is raising are in fact his own.

         Reply
5. Frank says:

   February 12, 2009 at 2:54 pm

   AMY:
   “In contrast to the average man’s selfish manipulation, It’s not like I would ever consider leading on some innocent man to make him pay for presents, jewellery, flowers etc and then immediately piss off without giving him a second glance.”

   Do you really think YOU arent playing decitful games when you know you probably arent interested in sum dude like that but yet you allow him to take you to dinner anyway? He took you because he assumed there was a connection and that there was an end to his means, meanwhile you knew better.

   Bad sex, bad breath, holding out too long… the list is too long to get into. Just keep in mind that if you DID NOT have any interest in a guy but went on a few dates anyway, he might see to it that out of comfort alone you keep going out with him. When u finally give it up…

   Who was wrong? You for NOT ending it when you knew u should have or he for seeing the flaw and working it till u gave it up??

   Reply
   • Lin says:

     April 18, 2009 at 4:28 pm

     “allow him to take you to dinner anyway?”
     The time alone would suffice, if the guy wants to dine with a lady. I dont see how that is selfish. The women isnt pursuing dinner and using men to get dinner. Men are pursuing sex, and using, lying and manipulating women in the process. Hence the phrase “treated like a peice of meat”. Howev’ if the women too, wants just sex, then its a fair trade. Instead of the manipulation, why dont fellas jus pursue the ones who only want it? There are plenty of women out there who only want sex btw. Its better to jus be real (honest). You’d be amazed at how it could simplify the hunt.

     Reply
     • Bill Cammack says:

       April 18, 2009 at 4:55 pm

       Hey Lin. :)

       I don’t know how many women you know, but lots of women “use men to get dinner” every day of the week. In fact, they use men to get BREAKFAST, LUNCH, *AND* DINNER! :D plus trips and jewelry and anything else they can get.

       There are women that go to bars without money/credit SPECIFICALLY because they intend to get guys to pay for their entertainment the whole time.

       If she’s not trying to get over, her best bet is to offer to pay for her half of the meal OR insist that she picks up the check next time they go out.

       The reason why guys don’t pursue the women that just want to get laid is….. Women don’t want to SAY they just want to get laid, so they can attempt to avoid the double-standard stigma of being labeled a ho while the guy who does the same thing will be called a playboy and congratulated.

       I agree that things would be a lot better if everyone could come to the table with their list of interests and sort them out honestly, but, for the most part… Ain’t That Type Of Party! :D

       Reply
       • frank says:

         April 20, 2009 at 4:51 pm

         yeah what he said!!

         Reply
     • frank says:

       April 20, 2009 at 5:01 pm

       “The time alone would suffice, if the guy wants to dine” true! BUT…
       I was speaking to the fact that woman blame men for trying to get sum just because they went out, meanwhile the dinner invite (lunch, breakfast) was accepted knowing full well that nothing was going to happen. & You knew you wouldnt let me tap that but you went out with me anyway. I figured it out by the nights end and made it my business to keep taking you out until you gave it up. Now, unless you made me catch cramps in places i had no idea that there were muscles…that unecessary hunt is the reason you got dumped after sex.
       it is what it is, built into the game. we play the game that needs to be played when we are trying to get some. So even when the young lady thinks she is getting over by getting something with out putting out, the guy is usually 2 streps ahead and plays to that sense of self strength. Just tell me u want to phuck or tell me u dont…

       Reply
6. MN says:

   March 5, 2009 at 3:55 am

   You wrote: “On top of that, you’re diluting yourself with all these inauthentic maneuvers”

   I think you meant to say “deluding” yourself.

   Reply
   • Bill Cammack says:

     March 5, 2009 at 11:43 am

     Hey MN. Thanks for the comment. :)

     I meant “diluting”, except I didn’t explain the concept properly, so thank you for bringing that up.

     What I didn’t properly express was that if you like someone and you keep acting like you don’t, then when you finally “come around”, you’re giving one instance of being positive towards them after MANY instances of being either neutral or negative towards them. Therefore, if “purity” is you liking that person, you’ve “diluted yourself” by being inauthentic.

     Said another way, if you’re a baseball player and you can hit home runs pretty much as will, but you instead choose to bunt or hit singles all the time, you’re “diluting” your potential home run stats. Instead of expressing your potential, you’re holding yourself back and people will know you as a bunter or a single-hitter instead of a home run hitter.

     As it pertains specifically to this post, “diluting yourself” gives the guy the impression that you don’t like him as much as you really do. This will definitely play a part in his decision whether or not to call you again after he gets on.

     Reply
7. Dilution of Experience | Bill Cammack says:

   March 7, 2009 at 12:45 pm

   [...] A reader asked me if I had mistakenly used the term “diluted” instead of “deluded” the other day when I was talking about people. I said something like “people dilute themselves”, and they thought I might have meant “people delude themselves”. What I didn’t express well enough by using a term that I made up myself and then not explaining it (another great sentence by me! ) [...]

   Reply
8. Anna says:

   March 9, 2009 at 10:25 pm

   okay so i met this guy at a birthday party. we hit it off and talked for a few hours. we were both sober and didn’t have much to drink.
   i read somewhere if a guy is overly comfortable with you and touches you frequently and tries to kiss you he’s probably a player. so while we were still at the party he tried to kiss me and i refused. so the night carried on and the party was over, my ride had left without me so i asked and he kind of offered to drive me home.
   so we pulled up in front of my house, the night was going to end there until he asked if he could use my washroom (typical player move huh?)
   so i let him. then i let my integrity slip and asked him if he wanted to hang out for a bit and even spend the night.
   one thing lead to another and we had sex.
   when the deed was done he said “your too much of a distraction and i think it’s better if i just go home”
   pfffff okay! and just as he was leaving he said “hey send me a message tomorrow” when he had gotten my number when we were at the party. i refused to message him and thought i came off rude by saying “no seriously, i’m not going to message you” he had a shocked and surprised look on his face.so we hung out at my place from about 130-5am then he left.
   the next day roles around and at around 2pm i end up getting his number from my girlfriend and message him saying” hey sorry if i came off rude when you left. i’m just a little old fashioned in the sense that i would prefer it if the guy would call me the next day” he replied: “it’s all good no big deal” and that was that until i went out with my friends and was feeling shitty about the whole situation and the bad impression i had given him:S

   so later on that same day in the evening i messaged something like ” would you like to see me again or did you just play me?” we went back and forth with messages and generally he never gave me a straight answer. his reply to my question was “lol don’t you remember you were the one that was rude?”

   i’ve tried arranging to meet up and go out with him so i can get to know him better during the day and both times he “was really busy with school” yah right!

   i sent him a message that pretty much explained what i wanted and what i was about by saying: “i know what i want and how i deserve to be treated and it’s definitely not half ass! :D i’ve unintentially given you the wrong impression about me and i’ve tried to fix that by trying to get to know you better. It was your charm and gentlemen like qualities that attracted me to you in the first place. i’d like to give it another go and go out sometime but not at 3am (this was after he wanted to meet up once at 3am; so i wrote this to him to make it clear that i’m not interested in being a booty call) so he replied: ” that’s quite the quote!
   i’m not a gentlemen…lol” now seeing as how this was written in a text and there’s no emotional expression in it, do you think he wrote that in a ‘wow i’m flattered you thought i was’ or in a ‘no i’m an asshole player lingo” ahahah

   to cut to the chase, he asked me ‘what are you looking for?’ and i said ” to go out here and there and have a good time;) i’m not asking for the world” he said:”ok want me to bring a movie tonight” (him still being half ass and just wanting sex was my interpretation of this so-called ‘effort’ on his part)

   i called him up and said tonight doesn’t work but can we hang out on thursday, i asked that we meet in a public place. anyhow, he canceled and i haven’t heard from him since, today it’s monday (5 days altogether)…

   i don’t want to sound needy by trying again!!! but i would like to get to know him better, i felt there was a lot of chemistry and similarities we have in common.

   soooo my b-day dinner is this weekend. and i knowww the answer you’re going to give me lol ‘he’s not interested because he hasn’t called me since then.’ but could i give it one more shot and just send him a simple text inviting him to come have a drink with me and come cool people. i have nothing to loose right?? if he doesn’t reply or cancels again then i got my anwer, right? no big deal…

   and if you suggest that i should just drop it! i’m sure i’ll end up seeing him again because we both have some mutual friends in common so i would like to know how i could get his attention again??? how can i get him interested in me again…care to share some tips or advice. thanks!

   Reply
   • Bill Cammack says:

     March 10, 2009 at 12:11 pm

     Hi Anna. Thanks for the comments. :D

     I’m glad you wrote so much so you can go back and read what you wrote. It’s pretty clear that you changed directions several times in the course of one evening. It’s nothing to feel poorly about, because a lot of women do this on a regular basis.

     A typical problem is that chicks want to hook up with guys, but they don’t want to SEEM LIKE they want to hook up with guys. This makes y’all look kind of bad when you do all this fronting and then give it up anyway. It’s not the “giving it up” that makes you look bad. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is that you seem to be making up your mind about something and then not being able to stick by your decision. That’s a bad impression for ANYBODY to give someone, not just women.

     You didn’t “let your integrity slip”. You finally stopped fronting and did what you had intended to do the entire time, which was hook up with him.

     If a guy’s pressing up on you, that doesn’t make him a player. It probably means that he’s physically attracted to you in particular, or he just wants to mess with any available chick that he likes, in general.

     The fact that your ride left without you is pretty bad. Even if you have mass transportation where you live and went to that party, a lot of women get into some messed up situations because people leave them out in the street in the middle of the night. I know it sounds like I’m talking about a dollar bill, haha :) but it’s VERY important for you and your friends to make sure you get home safely each evening.

     Yes. “Can I use your washroom?” is a trick. We’re guys. We don’t have to use washrooms. We have walls and trees.

     Instead of feeling good about the fact that he was actually willing to speak to you the next day, you told him you weren’t going to message him. What did you gain from that? People need to think about these old-fashioned ideas and if they ever worked for them.

     Tell me this… What was the value of telling him you weren’t going to message him after you already gave him some? Does that make sense to you? :D That’s like saying “You can have a million dollars from me, but I won’t give you a dollar”. Seriously. Women need to stop trying to gain power in these situations and go with the flow. Trust Me… The top thing a guy wants from a gal is sex, so once you give him that, don’t bother acting like you aren’t sweating him……. unless, of course, he didn’t tap it proppah.

     So dude was all over you for 3 1/2 hours and then you tried to front on him with “I’m not going to message you”? hahaha How much work do you want a brotha to put in before he can get a text message from you? :D

     How come you needed to get his number from your friend? I assumed that since he told you to message him that you had his number. Either way, you see what happened, right? :) You fronted as if you weren’t going to contact him first and then you did. The night before, you fronted like you weren’t going to give him some, and then you did. You see the pattern there?

     Don’t bother asking a guy if he “played you”. If he did, he’s going to continue playing you. If he didn’t, he’s going to be embarrassed that he came off like a player when he isn’t. There aren’t any wins in that question. Also, you come off as if that happens to you a lot. There’s no reason for you to assume that you’ve been “played”. On top of that… *YOU* chose to give him some! :D YOU chose to have him come over and stay “until the break-day-light”, so clearly, that was a mutual agreement between y’all, not him “playing” you.

     I’m not sure what you invited him to during the day, but, in general, if a guy doesn’t feel there’s something sexy in it for him, he’s not going to be very inclined to make time to hang out with a chick that he’s already had sex with. Like, if you told him “Let’s go to the zoo”, he’s going to decline, because why would he want to go to the zoo with you when he wants to mess with you? OTOH, if you invited him to have some lunch or go to dinner with you, that’s a perfectly viable way for people to get to know each other better in a nice setting, so if he were interested in spending time with you, he should have either accepted your invitation or given you a rain check (offered you an alternative time/place where he’s available to get together with you).

     I think the “I’m not a gentleman” line was basically letting you know that he was going to try to get on whenever possible. Some people equate “gentleman” with “guy who won’t try to have sex with a chick”.

     As far as him bringing a movie over, he’s still spending time with you one way or the other. I agree that his plan was primarily to get on again, but that was his plan the whole time. It was his plan on day 1 and it’s going to be his plan every time he’s around you.

     If you don’t feel like giving him some, don’t. If you want to insist that he takes you out somewhere, go ahead and do that, but that doesn’t seem to be working. If your goal is to become his girlfriend, then down the line, you’re going to be giving it up on a regular basis. If that’s not what you’re trying to do, then just keep it friendly with him and see how long that lasts before he stops taking you calls.

     As far as “Thursday”, nobody said he was available on Thursday. :) He was offering you whatever day it was… when he had nothing better to do. He cancelled Thursday because he HAD “something better to do”.

     Overall, I understand your wanting to “get to know him better”, except you can do that over the phone or over the net. You don’t have to go out with him ANYWHERE to get to know him better.

     I think he IS interested in you, by the fact that he keeps accepting your attempts to contact him. I think what you have to recognize is that you’re not going to be able to split him liking you as a person from him liking you physically. You’re going to have to accept both aspects if you want to keep pursuing him. That doesn’t mean that you have to have sex with him ever again. That just means that you have to recognize that that’s what he’s going to want from you.

     You totally don’t have anything to lose by inviting him to your dinner. You might be disappointed if he doesn’t show up, but you’ll be similarly disappointed if you don’t try.

     My suggestion to you is pretty similar to my suggestion to any gal, which is to take a hard look at yourself and your goals and what you want out of life and relationships and figure out if that meshes with what guys want from you.

     Guys are going to want sex. If you don’t want to get involved with them like that until you “get to know them better”, then don’t. Let them know you’re not down with the program, and if they stick around, they stick around…. However… Don’t ACT LIKE you’re not down with it and then give it up anyway. Don’t say you’re not going to contact them and then contact them.

     When you do that, you’re making guys believe that your word doesn’t mean anything, and it’s all downhill from there.

     Good Luck! :D

     Reply
9. Steve says:

   March 10, 2009 at 12:31 pm

   Anna,
   OMG! I had nearly the exact same thing happen to me and I’m a dude!
   If I were to apply the BS I was told in my recent experience I would guess that because you’re not already friends his “internal thinking” is that there’s no reason for him to want to fix it. Yeah like this would happen with one of his friends… If that was the case there wouldn’t have been any need for him to be out at all… see the Catch-22?

   Anyway the Not Friends=No Fixee excuse is part of what I got back in my situation. I guess it was better than no information at all… although it does suck ass in a mighty big way and speaks volumes about the kind of person you just slept with. Largely because it’s a lie. So you just slept with a liar. Feeling better yet? This person was NEVER looking for a relationship and will do or say anything (leveraging the slightest of infractions) to make sure that doesn’t happen. Suffice to say I played this back to my friends (who else ya’ gonna’ share your screw ups with?) because it sounded weak and they (male and female) were the first to point out that’s the kind of rubbish that players pull so they can cut and run. :-(

   In summary: You got played, chalk it up to experience and don’t lose weeks of your life being angry. As can happen with some people :) Grrrrr. Better luck next time. Here’s a related link:

   http://billcammack.com/?s=expendable&x=0&y=0.

   Reply
10. frank says:

    March 10, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    anna: you said you got the number from your friend? You do realize that one of the reasons he is even entertaining your texts/calls is because he might trying to avoid the uncomfortable future encounter and maybe even getting some lip/attitude from the mutual buddies. I have to disagree with Mr. Bill on this one, i dont think he might be interested. Leave it alone. Sometimes it doesnt matter, if all he wanted was the azz before he went home there is nothing he wants after. Now without asking you anything about the evening, you do realize that you are amping this dudes ego by continously “chasing” after him now that he done broke you off proper? I dont want to hear that it wasnt any good because at the end of the day I hear exactly what he is hearing and this is “my shyt so good she keep wanting it”! Not being disrespectful just honest. You said he aint gettin none and he did! You aint texting/calling and you did! He got you right were he needs you. Tomorrow (meaning tomorrow wednesday) he might just call and say “hey, lets go get a drink way over here far from your Serta Firm Sleeper. Now he is doing what you want but guess what, by the end of the night you might wind up riding the pony again or wind up with a hit placed on you. HIT? yeah the “oh she wanna play games” hit! I’ll catch up wit her again and when i get again she’ll know she gotz got! regardless of his pedigree (he might be a playa or he might not) its obvious you are not built for this. Let it go because at the end the only one who is “cumming” out a “head” is him! and yes i purposely hi-lited those 2 words cause he wil be a cumin’ from the head if you dont ease up and let him fade to black!

    BTW: dudes like me know that you have read those stupid books/comments/columns on “if he/she is really a playa he/she will do…” thats why we may sit there and look you right in the eye while as we do all them things. What better way to defend myself from said description then to deny them while im doing them??

    Reply
11. frank says:

    March 10, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    BTW: im really a nice guy! :)

    Reply
    • Anna says:

      March 13, 2009 at 12:03 am

      Thank you for your comments and advice gentlemen, much appreciated!!:)
      I invited him to come to my birthday dinner on Saturday, so that way if he doesn’t come them I’m thru trying and I am moving on:D

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        March 13, 2009 at 11:06 am

        Sounds like a plan! Good Luck! :D

        Reply
12. Frank says:

    April 24, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    OK, I’m about to hijack this thread for a few moments and although this may not be relevant to some of the recent conversations, it’s relevant to the spirit of the actual posting by Mr. Cammack. Keep in mind that I have a few friends who “ghost” read this column and usually have opinions but for whatever reason just don’t write any down. This past Wednesday (04-22) I was at a local Manhattan bar with several friends (not including me-4 men and 2 women) and the topic of “Why you got dumped after SEX” came up. Before accepting any answers, I specifically asked the women to PLEASE not interject any personal feelings into this, I just want to know what we as a group perceived as legitimate reasons for calling it off immediately after that first session. Once actual feelings are removed, some of these answers appear shallow but are TRUE catalyst for the inevitable outcome. To the women reading this, please refrain from assuming we/ME is a cad and feeling that I deserve whatever name calling you may want to put in print. J

    It was an informal poll and I did take the ladies responses into account. In no particular order, the following were the ones that we pretty much all agreed on:

    Body Odor! Although some agreed that on a casual one night stand kind of thing it might be excusable if said person was picked up that night after a long evening at the local watering hole, there is no justification for either member to be unprepared for the possibility of an encounter by the second date. None of us cared (and the girls reluctantly had to agree) that you may have a 4-5-6-7 date minimum or a 2-3 month deadline, you should be prepared! Like our moms used to say”put on some clean underwear in case you get into an accident!” Well, a lil’ deodorant and powder in the right spots in case you accidentally wind up under someone! (FYI: Life lesson on eating out. If you go to a nice restaurant or a neighborhood dump, keep in mind that the catch of the day should not emit noxious fumes. Catch of the day should be fresh and smell fresh! HintHint, NudgeNudge… All puns were intended) (FYI#2: if it smells like Doritos it better be a bag of Doritos and not the socks you are wearing)

    Hot Breath, also commonly known as dragon breath or stinky breaf’ if you have kids, was also discussed as a major violation. Never mind the sex, if you have any illusions of kissing or being kissed be prepared! Both women agreed that many times the right kiss can lead to the “rules of engagement” being revised if only for that one night. Make your partner want to stay there and not make the connection to the Cheetos smelling socks that he/she now has to rush home to launder!

    We have all heard the phrase “cleanliness is close to godliness” well here is our updated version “Clingy-ness is close to loneliness”! We don’t care if you planned it or if we had enough game to break you down, we do not want to hear how you feel so cosmically connected to us at that moment. All we want to know is that we wuz good and you expect more before we leave! Yes leave! I am not staying unless its my lease, in that case one more time before you leave. AND fellas, amp your negative feelings by about 100 and now you know what the woman feel when its US getting all clingy!

    Uhm, hmmmm… I’m gonna be as polite as I can be, grooming-AS IN BE GROOMED! I don’t care that you had no plans and getting got, should you not be taking care of yourself anyway? Even those dudes who are more interested in hittin’ it and keepin’ it movin’ will still take note of that. She is obviously the type to fall off after she settles in and gets comfortable! And dudes, its becoming more of an expectation, we need to start grooming as well. They are not asking us to be completely “bald” but getting a “fade” and the weekly “shape-up” is becoming a necessity. If they have to keep it right, we should be keeping it tight as well.

    This is not a PORNO! We all want to know that we wrecking that right but damn, it doesn’t need to sound like a U-Haul just ran over your toes! The screaming and the loud azz religious chants are cool but please remember-USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE! You don’t need to scream, the good lord sees you sinning…trust me! And thanx to my 2 beautiful female friends for this one, DUDES-shyt talking has its limits. Unless you know for a fact that is OK, don’t call out any derogatory phrases that will get your membership cancelled!

    And the one we all agreed on was-THAT SHYT WAS WACK! Waiting and anticipation are real serial killers when it comes to this. It better live up to expectations or there are going to be problems!

    And now back to your originally scheduled programming.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      April 25, 2009 at 12:29 pm

      Great post, Frank, and ABSOLUTELY RELEVANT hijack haha :D

      There will always be way more lurkers than participants on the net. That’s just how it is. It’s very cool to hear about some of them, though hahaha Thanks. :)

      Y’all are on-point about the BO/bad breath issues. Those are grounds for excommunication even if you’re NOT messing with someone hahaha it’s just a DRAG to be around. Hopefully, if something like this is encountered, the relationship’s strong enough for the offended party to inform the offensive person that they need to shape up before they get shipped out.

      There’s pretty much nothing you can do to get past someone else’s BO. Bad breath is relatively easily defeated by doggie-style.

      Grooming is a funny one. It’s pretty clear that some chicks leave their apartments with NO INTENTIONS of their jeans coming off that day. Then they get caught (literally) with their pants down, and it’s like ” hmm… Weren’t expecting me, huh? :D “. That’s also a tactical problem when they WANT to get with the program, but they know damned well that they’re not looking/feeling proper down there.

      There’s also the long-term problem of “Damn… This chick doesn’t even maintain herself for HER OWN REASONS? :/” Ladies!!! It’s seriously not enough to hook yourselves up after the fact. You’ve already been low-rated.

      As far as the porno-speak, I’ve been lucky not to encounter that, personally. The only time that happened to me, ‘matter of fact, was at “The Wedge”… and I know FRANK knows what I’m talkin’ ’bout! ;) haha Up in Hunt’s Point. My boys had bought me a lap dance, because I find those things corny to begin with and wouldn’t have bought one for myself, and this chick decides to SPANISH IT UP, while looking back at me like as if The Kid was puttin’ in work. I was completely like :/ …. I can’t remember whether I laughed right in her face or not, but I remember thinking “If this [chick] could just SHUT THE %&#@ UP, I *MIGHT* be able to concentrate on her ass!”

      Clingy behavior is no good in general. Unwarranted clingy behavior is even worse. That’ actually a good reason not to hit it in the first place. If she can’t handle it and is going to start thinking of you as her man, you might want to just leave her on-deck or in the bullpen. Be like De Niro in Ronin… Never go INTO a chick that you don’t know how to get OUT of.

      Reply
13. Frank says:

    April 27, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    The wedge??? LOL WOW, i guess thats a rite of passage in the hood! Yeah, Frank know exactly whats ya is talkin’ ’bout! :)

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      April 27, 2009 at 6:35 pm

      Yeah, and not the WEDGE HALL down the street, “Neither” :D …

      *THE* Wedge! hahaha.. The ORIGINAL! :D

      Reply
14. Max Powers says:

    May 10, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Hey guys,

    What does the word ‘bunts’ mean….

    For example – If my girlfriend went away for a week for work and accidently sent me an email while away that was meant to go to her best friend saying the words

    “The “bunts” are awesome here ;)”

    Hell, I don’t know what this means!

    Your insight would be great.
    Cheers,
    Max.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      May 10, 2009 at 10:13 pm

      Hey Max. I don’t see what that has to do with you getting dumped after sex, but here in America, a “bunt” is a very short hit when you’re playing baseball. You tap the ball with the bat and attempt to outrun the throw to first or advance your runners.

      Other than that, no idea. Good Luck that it doesn’t mean “Replacements for Max”! :D

      Reply
15. frank says:

    May 11, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    “The “bunts” are awesome here ;)”

    Hmmmmm…

    Follow me closely here. If your lady is somewhere that may lend itself to a singles eating frenzy that “bunt” you are inquiring about is pretty simple to explain. If a guy has decided that she is attractive and under serious consideration for that nights hook up, game on. He will probably go up to her with a few friends (2 at least, 3 to make sure) and lay down an opening line that is soft enough to get her attention but not enough to turn her off, a bunt. Depending on her interest he will hustle down the line and hope to reach first base. Depending on how well that went, he might try to steal second base on his own therefore preserving his number 2, 3 and four hitters. Now safely at second base, his number 2 hitter steps up to the plate and attempts to sacrifice this guy over to third. This will happen because the number 2 will chat her up just enough about the first player to get her interest level even higher without himself getting to first. This is what is routinely called a sacrifice but it might fail if he makes it obvious. Assuming he is still safely at second base, he needs his number 3 hitter to either smash a double into the outfield letting him score all the way from there or at the very least, get him over to third base. Either he scores or the clean up hitter, the number 4, comes up with the sole intent of pushing that run home. He will either hit the home run or make the 3rd out of the inning stranding the lead off dude at second/third. If he completes his objective in allowing his man to score from 2nd or 3rd, depending on the outcome of this game, YOUR lady may decide to schedule an exhibition double header. This would be the one where he gets to display all his skills with out having help from any other players. If she feels the pleasure to let him score more often…

    Well, you may get one more session with her upon her return right before you have to start wondering (this one is for you Bill) “Why you got dumped after s-x”! J

    Having said all that, there are two other scenarios that merit consideration. 1) She is a FEMALE. That accidental email you got may very well have been meant for you as some kind of test. Will he tell me? Will he keep it to himself? If he doesn’t tell me, will he stay quiet or will he start looking for more information? Which ever route you take tread lightly! 2) She could just be a bad speller. Maybe, just maybe, the BUNDT cakes there are slamming!!! lol

    Anyway, unless this happened just now, im assuming she is back and the reality is that NONE of us (you included) will ever know what a bunt represents. Store it for future reference and in a group one day say “a friend of mine said bunt but i dont know what that means”, just look around and wait for an answer.

    Reply
    • steve says:

      May 11, 2009 at 1:18 pm

      Nothing to add other than – CAN’T. STOP. LAUGHING. :D

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        May 13, 2009 at 6:35 am

        See, what’s so funny here is that Frank knows what time it is. Frank is from the trenches of “getting girls”. Frank says all the stuff that I *WOULD* be saying if I thought anybody out there would understand it. I happen to know that 99% of y’all DON’T understand it, so I report the situations in what I consider to be a palatable fashion.

        I’m still told that my blogs are cynical when, in fact, I’m only reporting the truth of what happens to some people in some relationships. That doesn’t mean that everyone’s relationship is going to go in that direction, but I’m offering an alternate view and potential understanding of your situation from the perspective of someone who’s “been there, done that”.

        If I say somewhere that a chick probably got dumped because she let herself get out of shape and the dude didn’t want to hit it anymore, she thinks it’s shallow and unrealistic and ridiculous and that I’m just trying to make her feel poorly about her current state of disrepair. In fact, I’m trying to let her know what she can do to keep her man interested in her instead of the next woman. If she thinks she’s going to TALK her way around her new pot belly, she’s sadly mistaken.

        If I thought people understood reality, my blogs would be much shorter:

        You look wack.
        He’s not interested.
        Shape Up or Ship Out.

        Reply
16. frank says:

    May 13, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    ever get one of them compliments that actually leave a bruise…

    Reply
17. chy says:

    July 9, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    So I’m reading all these things and have to say…. is best to trust your gut. Here is my situation they are all similar and yet I still feel the need to express cause even though some things are better left unexplained… this puzzle is a little pain in my brain !!

    So this guy and I are neighbors and we have been friends for a little over a year. We would kick it, go see a movie, hang out for hours drinking at either one of our houses. We literally can spit on each other over the fence. Been friends through our previous relationships. One night we are kicking it and he kisses me, out of the blue. It was off the hook and once he kissed me … he couldn’t stop! We don’t have sex we both agreed that sex messes things up and since we live next door to each other … we don’t want to mess shyt up! We talked about how we don’t want relationships right now, both of our careers are taking off and we don’t have alot of time to invest in what is required of each other when you step over the threshold of being friends to being in a relationship. BOTH agreed… friends with benifits………… so its great.. hot and heavy and out of control.. he spent several nights in a row hanging over, sleeping over and still no sex btw! I want to… he wants to… but we just don’t. Finally after a few weeks of just make out sessions and bs’ing and sleep overs, we get it on… it was alright… nothing to write home to mom about… lol But that doesn’t matter cause we were tore up and always go time #2 to make it up ….

    Never happens. He still came over for about another 2 weeks, kissed me every time, but no sex. Would sleep over just cuddling and he always talked in his sleep. One time saying thank you! I said “what for” he said “you’re so good to me” Maybe he didn’t like hearing that he talked in his sleep. We were always very honest with each other.

    Then he stopped coming over, or when he would, he’d only stay for a little bit and then leave without even a peck on the cheek. Obviously it started getting confusing, how do you go from hot and heavy to nothing in a matter of 24 hours. We even went out with his married brother together… so wtf like all the signs are there… granted I like him, and of course I’d date him. But right now we are just having fun!!! or so i thought….

    I know he isnt seeing any one else… and we still talk from time to time, and I have invited him over………… I’m thinking personally if you go to a movie with a cute girl … and when its over you go home. You give her a hug and she says… “So are you ever going to kiss me again?” and he replies with “I don’t know, why?” it prolly means no and to move on….

    Us always being honest…. well at least me being honest cause there is no other way to be.. “this is me mentality” I sensed him being stand-offish… so i confronted him, asked what happened, and let him know I do like you, I’m not trying to bug you, but wtf happened. I get a “nothing happened, I don’t want you to be attached, we go back and forth. Simply put I told him “we are friends with benifits… so where are the benifits???? I mean unless he got attached and scared and had to cool everything off instantly I just don’t get it!!! And frankly I prolly never will cause all you guys can do is give me advice…..

    Hell I even did the ok he is being cold shoulder.. so leave him alone.. so i left him alone………. didn’t call, gave him space… barely spoke to him. Remember we live next door to each other…. kinda hard to do at times… and still he’s being a tard!

    any advice????

    Reply
    • steve says:

      July 9, 2009 at 2:25 pm

      Sh***************t! This dude doesn’t know a good thing when he’s got it!
      Chy, I’m going with this one, “I mean unless he got attached and scared and had to cool everything off instantly…!!!” – If you got a tattoo on your butt that said, “No strings attached!” it wouldn’t be any clearer so it can’t be you. Since you’ve known him a bit, how did his last relationship end??

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        July 9, 2009 at 7:37 pm

        Hey Chy. :) I’m going to select a different line from your comment:

        Finally after a few weeks of just make out sessions and bs’ing and sleep overs, we get it on… it was alright… nothing to write home to mom about… lol But that doesn’t matter cause we were tore up and always go time #2 to make it up ….

        Actually, that’s not necessarily true, unfortunately… :D

        The saying goes “You never get a second chance to make a *FIRST* impression”. The fact of the matter is, messing around is one thing and actually getting down to the nitty-gritty is a completely different animal.

        I’m going to guess from what you wrote that he didn’t like the sex and just plain doesn’t want any more of it from you. That doesn’t mean you were wack… Just that it’s possible that y’all aren’t sexually compatible. Actually, in thinking about this, you’ve brought something up to me that should be an entirely new post. :)

        Sometimes, (probably MANY times), the fantasy’s better than the reality. It’s like you FEEL LIKE you want to tap this chick, but then when you actually do it, you’re like “meh”. The ‘problem’ is you don’t know until you try it. There could be lots of reasons for this… You don’t like chicks to talk during sex, and she’s running her mouth, trying to emulate a porno. You like chicks to talk during sex, but she’s completely quiet, except for a few gasps now and then. You like chicks to move and she doesn’t. You like chicks to stay still and she moves. It’s too loose. You didn’t find out until you got her undressed that you don’t like her ass. She doesn’t have any rhythm and she’s throwing your stokes off….

        Then again, it could be HIM and not YOU. He feels underconfident, actually having sex with you instead of making out. He doesn’t like the position y’all did it in. He realized that he really only wants to have sex with his ex when he finally hooked up with you… Could be anything.

        The problem is.. Guys tend to underestimate how important their desire to screw some chick is to their ability to be friends with them. There’s a WORLD of difference between a chick that you’re like “I can take it or leave it” when you think about having sex with her and a chick that you’re like “I’m DEFINITELY trying to NEVER hit that again, EVAR!”. A lot of guys THINK it’s the same thing, but it isn’t. You basically avoid being alone with her so you don’t have to deal with her coming on to you.

        That’s what it sounds like to me. He doesn’t want to hook up with you again and he doesn’t want to seem like a weirdo for saying so.

        Thanks for the comment, and Good Luck! :D

        Reply
        • Rose says:

          April 28, 2010 at 6:25 pm

          I found this post as I was crying over a guy who I liked so much, but didn’t call me back after sex. I liked him so much, and I could tell he was into me, even saw me as “out of his league”. The obvious reason for not calling is that the sex was DISASTEROUS, but still I took it very personally that he didn’t want to give it another go, considering it was HIS machinery that wasn’t functioning.

          I guess this is a big difference between men and women: we’re real patient with your physical failings if we think that you are substantial/compatible outside the bedroom. The morning after I was thinking “well, that kind of sucked, but I like him, I have skills, I can work with it…” For him, it was like a light switch: How can I make sure I will NEVER be in that situation again.

          Reply
          • Bill Cammack says:

            April 28, 2010 at 6:52 pm

            Hi Rose. :) Thanks for the comment/question. Sorry that happened to you.

            The problem is that you have to rely on HIS interpretation of why “his machinery wasn’t functioning”. There are lots of mental reasons that might have happened, which he SHOULD attribute to himself, but you never know. There are also physical reasons that he could/should have attributed to himself.

            The problem for YOU is if he feels like your body isn’t his type or there’s something else physical about you that he doesn’t like. If that’s the case, it’s a WRizAP! Y’all can be friends and whatnot, but there’s no point in kickin’ it to a chick you don’t want to screw. None. \o/

            You’re absolutely right that it’s a MAJOR difference between men and women. Guys kick it to chicks they want to have sex with and figure out how to make that happen. Gals kick it to guys they think are cute or funny or (for gold diggers) rich or whatever and whether y’all get laid or not is way way way way way way WAY in the back of y’all’s minds compared to other aspects of who the guy is as a person.

            I can’t really explain how it feels when you figure out that you’re not physically interested in a particular chick. It’s similar to that light switch that you mention, but it’s kind of confusing also haha :D I guess I would say it would be similar to being drunk and then suddenly sober… Nope, that doesn’t even do it.

            Maybe it’s like when everyone you know in your area votes for a candidate and you’re sure that your person’s going to win and you’re all at the party with the straw hats and streamers and noisemakers and then you turn on the television and they announce that the other person won. You’re still standing there with the outfit and the “Happy Times” streamers and balloons, but not only isn’t there anything to be happy about, you’re suddenly confused as far as why in the hell you thought your candidate was going to win, OR you’re confused about how the other person stole the election, because you were SURE you were going to win.

            Another unfortunate possibility is that he knows it’s HIS problem, but he takes it out on you or is embarrassed to have that happen again, so he’s like “I have to make sure I don’t hook up with this chick ever again! :O”.

            Actually, the bright side to this is that he didn’t get to hit it. If he HAD and *THEN* he didn’t like the sex, that’s game over. Frlz.

            Unfortunately, you can’t be *sure* you’ll never be in this situation again because unbeknownst to females, a guy becoming and remaining aroused is actually a rather complex issue. He might be ready to tap that and then y’all run into your pops who indicates there’s gonna be a problem if he hooks up with you and that might be all she wrote for his joint. :D

            hahaha Play the “Pac-Man Just Got Caught By The Ghosts” sound.. It’s a WRAP!!! :D

            Reply
            • Rose says:

              April 30, 2010 at 2:30 am

              You’ve mentioned lots of things in this post that can put a guy off for good. What about the woman being too aggressive? I always thought that liking sex and my body was a good thing. Wouldn’t it take the pressure OFF for a woman to be willing / able to get him off and herself off? but at some point during the evening he said to me: “Is this all you want me for??” I didn’t say anything because I was just thinking “um, no… but if I do want you for this, would that be a problem?”

              Reply
              • Bill Cammack says:

                April 30, 2010 at 7:25 am

                First of all.. Like I mentioned in my previous response, if he’s embarrassed that he couldn’t/wouldn’t hit it or he just doesn’t like your body type or something physical about you, he’s going to AVOID having sex with you at all costs.

                I can see him saying a line like that to you in an effort to get you to do something else with him other than mess around because he can’t see himself doing it, for whatever reason.

                In general, however, a woman with a sex drive greater than his is basically a guy’s DREAM! :D It can backfire on you if he feels like you give it up to everybody, but if he feels it’s focused on him, that’s rather motivational & exciting.

                This is actually a really good question/point because there are women that are aggressive like men to the point where you feel like they just want to cum regardless of the surrounding situation. It’s like sex with you is meaningless.. It could be anybody… It could be NOBODY, just her and her vibrator and that would be cool too. :D That’s not a very motivational demeanor. Guys that feel the same way will get with the program. Guys that are trying to share an experience with her are going to hand her her vibrator and walk away because there’s no experience to be shared.

                So, unfortunately, female aggression is one of those parameters that’s going to be a hit or miss depending on what the guy wants from his sexual experiences. If a guy wants to be the conqueror and she’s like “Let’s go do this! >:D”, he might not be very interested. You can’t “take” sex from a girl that’s dying to give it to you. \o/

                OTOH, if he wants her to be sweating/jocking him and she’s sitting there like “Meh :/” about him coming on to her and trying to turn her on, that’s not going to work for him either. He’s trying to work her up into a state where he feels like SHE really wants “it” or wants him or whatever his goal is. In that case, the more aggression, the better.

                Reply
    • Frank says:

      July 9, 2009 at 8:37 pm

      BillC, u took the wordz/opinon out my mouf’! Without going into a lengthly overworded thought, I’ll just ask a simple question: Considering YOU said it was nothing to write home about, do u think he just thought that as well? Not to imply your skills need any fine tuning but maybe it just dont work for the 2 of you!! Cold coffee is deee`lish… Hot coffee is off da’ hook on a cold day… Warm coffee? Well that sucks regardless of the flavor or robust promiseimplied by the brewing it self!

      Reply
18. Lucine says:

    July 29, 2009 at 6:18 am

    This is rediculous! You seem to have turned an interaction between man and woman into a d*** and p**** game, with the old boring and dumb double standard. You guys need to grow up. When you yourselves have turned into mature men who understand what a woman is (all this is just evidence that you are terrified of women, all this silly language, like it’s out of a rap song, you’re terrified of losing your power as a man once you become vulnerable to a woman, so you degrade her and the part of her body that is distinctly female and that has the power to connect with you and to produce life) then you will meet real women. Sex is nothing in itself: it is a symbol. Of couse, it can be a rush, but you don’t need a relationship for that, you probably don’t even need another person for that. Although the original post on this website has very good advice, it shows that the person who wrote it himself needs to do some work, and I’m sorry to see that other men are talking like this. It’s silly and rediculous. With this kind of attitude, you guys are only going to meet girls who unfortunately see themselves as either sex objects or seductresses and nothing more.

    Reply
19. Bill Cammack says:

    July 29, 2009 at 7:29 am

    Good Morning, Lucine, and thank you for the comments. :)

    To some people, the interaction between a man and woman *IS* a D&P game and I don’t have to actually reduce anything to anything. In case this is the first article of mine you’ve read, my goal is to show the reality of what SOME guys think. Sometimes, what MANY guys think. The point being that for women not to have this information puts y’all at a distinct disadvantage.

    I thought I’d try to do my part for women, since men already know this. Men already know we’re lying about stuff to get women to lay down. Men already know to feign relationships and make fake declarations of love and longevity (in the relationship AND in the bedroom, hahahaha) to get women to do what they otherwise wouldn’t have done unless as FishingRod says, he loved her and she loved him. Ok. Fine. I love you. Let’s do this. *yawn*… That’s how easy it is to trick women, lots of guys know it, lots of guys use it. It’s a daily operation.

    Should you be mad about that? Yes you should. :D Is it *my* fault? Nope. :) I didn’t make this stuff up. Back in the day, when cavemen were clubbing chicks over the head and dragging them back to the cave for sex (I wonder who made THAT ONE up? haha) they had tactics and techniques to get around women’s resistance to giving it up. One of those was “I hunted and I have meat from the animal I killed, so if you don’t want to STARVE, come get with this”. Very simple. Another one was “Look at my superior genes! :D If you want your kids to look like me and be smart and strong… come get with THIS!”. It’s a daily operation. You SHOULD be mad about it, but trying to tell me how to live my life or how to think about or interact with women isn’t going to solve YOUR PROBLEM for you.

    Also, I didn’t create the double-standard. Is it fair? no. Women get used for sex every day. Women have to deal with catcalling, periods and bearing children and men don’t. Life isn’t fair.

    As far as “what a woman is”, YOU don’t get to determine that for me. You also don’t get to determine when you feel that I’ve “grown up” or “matured”. The fact is that lots of guys think exactly the same way I do, except… wait for it….. THEY. DON’T. TELL. YOU. ABOUT. IT. Capisce? :D Nobody’s going to admit to you they want you to lay down, because it’s counter-productive. They’re going to tell you about your eyes and how you carry yourself as a woman blah blah blah while they’re checking out your ass and thinking about sex. Not *all* guys, but lots of them, and you’ll NEVER be the wiser, because it’s not in ANYONE’S best interest to tell you so.

    Of course, this assumes you’re attractive. If you’re not, you don’t actually have to worry about that.

    Interesting line about “terrified of losing your power as a man once you become vulnerable to a woman”. I’m vulnerable to women every single day! :D I don’t have any power over them and I don’t need any power over them. This is NEW. YORK. CITY! There are like 4 MILLION chicks here. What am I supposed to be? The Pied Piper? hahaha I don’t have ANY power over women at all, so if you’d care to elaborate, I’d love to listen to your ideas and respond.

    Also, I’m not degrading women… I’m telling y’all how y’all can become RESPECTED instead of getting used, as usual. Demonstrate Personality. That’s the only thing that’s going to separate you from the next gal. Sex isn’t going to do it. Cooking and cleaning isn’t going to do it. If you want to be seen as a CUAO, like that book “The Rules” says, you have to show a guy why you’re better than the next gal and he should set up camp with you and make a run at a LTR. Degrading women would be saying “This is all I think you’re worth”. I’m saying “Here’s how to make yourselves WORTH SOMETHING other than sexual interaction so that you DON’T get dumped after he gets what he came after you for”.

    Also, unfortunately for you, my attitude doesn’t dictate JACK about what kinds of girls I meet. Come see my 1500 Facebook friends, over half of which are women. I actually know women around the entire GLOBE. Hawaii, England, France, Czech Republic, Germany, one friend of mine is visiting Singapore right now and another is visiting Russia. It’s a fascinating misconception that women have that anything I say on a blog affects my ability to show a woman a good time in person. It’s fascinating and it’s incorrect.

    So, yes. Thank you for the comments, Lucine. There are guys that only talk to women to get sex from them. There are guys that dump women after they got what they want. C’est La Vie. Good Luck!!! :D

    Reply
20. steve says:

    July 29, 2009 at 9:58 am

    “You guys need to grow up. When you yourselves have turned into mature men who understand what a woman is… I’m sorry to see that other men are talking like this.”
    Why is it (some/most?) women never make an effort to understand guys as guys? Is this part of that whole, I’m gonna’ change him, thing?
    Had this conversation with a married friend of mine about this just a few weeks ago. She was put out that a good male friend had switched from treating her as an object (my words) to treating her like another guy. He took her behind the curtain when he was discussing his potential mates in front of her. I had to explain that the dude was really comfortable around her and wasn’t treating her as another woman on his radar. Yes, she was Out Of Play. Man, If I’d had a camera to catch the look on her face! I then explained how you can’t have it both ways, he can’t be all deferential and doing the other chivalrous ego props women have been trained to expect from “nice guys” if he’s gonna’ be real with you. Not to say he isn’t a polite, well spoken dude, because he actually is! The thing that set this all off for her was when he was discussing his dates he would lead off with what she looked like. HWHAT!?!?!? In this day and age, well I never!

    WE ARE NOT WOMEN

    Lots of women need to recognize that dealing with a man is not the same as dealing with your fellow woman. That’s how you get into trouble! That’s like if I was swimming in shark infested waters, I got bit and I blamed the shark! I’m just saying you can’t blame a man for acting like a man. You can’t just say, ‘you should be better than that!’ or something. Better than what? I’m not even sure what better would mean, more ruthless and efficient in how we deal with women or more womanly so women could understand us without having to try. How the hell is that fair?

    Reply
21. Bill Cammack says:

    July 29, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    Women try to use the “grow up” trick to try to stop guys from doing what they want to do. The fact of the matter is that there isn’t ONE format of adult males. There are guys that want one girl, guys that want as many as they can get their hands on simultaneously, and guys that can’t be bothered with women at all other than soliciting prostitution. Some guys don’t want to hear what women have to say AT. ALL. and they’re “not paying them for sex, they’re paying them to go away afterwards”.

    The concept of a guy not being mature because he sees women as sex objects doesn’t hold any water at all.

    Interesting how your friend was married, yet still wanted to be treated like she was “on the market”. The funny thing about that is that she was finally allowed into the inner sanctum and then when she got there, she didn’t enjoy it. I think in general, women don’t realize that men relate to them totally differently and speak to them totally differently and speak differently when they’re around. This would account for your friend’s disliking being treated like one of the fellaz.

    This is something I’ve tried to explain to female friends of mine when we’re discussing this stuff over brews. If you’re in the inner circle, you’re going to hear how it really is. I’m going to talk to you about chicks the same way I’d talk to a guy about chicks. However, don’t mistake how I’m talking TO YOU for how I would talk to a chick I was trying to lay.

    It’s also funny how many women think I’m joking when I post stuff. I get to hear stuff like “I can’t believe anyone still thinks that in 2009″. The game hasn’t changed and never will. The styles change. What’s politically correct changes. The fact remains that guys want to get laid and are going to achieve that by any means necessary.

    People used to be able to smoke indoors. Someone changed that law. Now, people have to go outside to smoke. If someone smokes indoors, they’re seen as uncivilized by people that believe in the “you shouldn’t smoke indoors” rules. However, if it weren’t against the law, a lot of people would still smoke indoors. It might SEEM like people agree because nobody says anything to the contrary. Similarly, it might SEEM to women that guys aren’t coming after them for sex anymore. \o/

    Putting their blinders on makes them easier to hook up with, not harder. Getting upset at guys for wanting what they want is an exercise in futility and the only guys that will agree with them aren’t trying to hook up with them anyway.

    Reply
22. Frank says:

    July 29, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Thanks steve!! As for ME… I think i have matured enough that I can look back and say “I saw that chick across the street and said blahblahblah and the got the drop panties effect” How is that maturing?? Well I have read some of the postings on here and have used my experience as a “observer” and an “active participant” to hopefully reach some one who might be in an iffy situation. My comments have been the kind that clearly illustrate the concept behind if it looks like a duck, walks like duck, then yes ladies-assume he is a vulture! As for the power and fear of losing it… I have no power! I cant get in yours if you dont go on this date with me to begin with. The only time a lady has felt like i was overpowering her has been when she was begging me to stop. Pease no more. I cant take it. you gotta stop making me LAUGH! Yes my sense of humor and my personality is the only “power” i bring to the table. And yes I fear losing that because someone is judgemental or just a sour pus. Im not going to “make” u do anything you dont want but if you happen to fall out your undies while hysterically laughing… Hey I got a joke!
    Who gets to decide if Im amature individual or not? Dont know and Dont Care!
    I have a 10month old daughter at home and if in 17 yrs she sat down with any of the above men and learned to survive this game…I wouldnt object. id rather Bill C or Steve school her on the finer points than have them get all “girly” and say “oh hes cute, you just over reacting”! which BTW many females hear from their female friends right before we all ponder the question “why you got dumped after sex”! :)

    Reply
23. Lucy says:

    February 28, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    “The point is that you want HIM to feel like YOU are making an EDUCATED decision to have sex with him.”

    Dear Bill

    Just stumbled upon your post and you are Brilliant, wish I came across your post 3 weeks ago but that’s another story.

    Above you mention that I have to make HIM feel like I am making an Educated decision to have sex with him.

    What indicators do I give a male to make him feel like I have made an educated decision, do I tell him straight out, do I leave obvious hints, what I’m trying to say is, what are the best indicators to do so without seeming so overly forward.

    Please indulge me- I am simple girl, newly single, just started dating outside of an 8 year failed relationship and need all the help I can get. Not use to dating at all and frankly- it F*cking sucks.

    I never thought there’d be so many things to think about- it’s doing my head in! But your advice is very useful! Thank you very much for your words of wisdom.

    Please help me!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      March 2, 2010 at 8:10 am

      Thanks for the compliments and the question, Lucy. :)

      This is a very interesting question.. “What makes a gal appear to be making an educated decision to hook up?”…

      I think it’s easier for me to speak to what makes a gal look like she’s NOT making an educated decision.

      If you’re not interested and then you get drunk and then you ARE interested, that’s points AGAINST you. A lot of women think that’s points FOR them because they can say that they only hooked up because they were drunk. This actually indicates to guys that anybody that gets the same chick drunk can get on with no problem.

      If you’re not interested and then a guy buys you something and you give it up, that’s points AGAINST you.

      Pretty much, anything that makes it look like your mind was easily changed by something simple a guy did makes you look easy, so your goal is to come into the situation knowing what you want and sticking to your guns.

      In the context of this post, my point was that if guys can’t figure out WHY you hooked up with them, they’re likely to assume that you would have hooked up with anybody that you liked at that particular time. A friend of mine is like that, completely to her CREDIT.. As soon as she sees a guy she’s physically inspired to hook up with, she’s on the case. The way she carries herself is congruent the entire time. There’s no “I’m not interested, WHOOPS, now I’m interested”.

      I guess my overall point is that a lot of gals play the game like they’re not interested in sex at all, which makes it so that the guys have to do all the work. The demeanor of “I’m definitely willing to have sex with someone that I’ve determined is worth it” is much more respectable than when chicks have to be tricked into giving it up.

      When that happens, it becomes formula. I get her drunk and she gives it up. I take her shopping and she gives it up. I give her money and she gives it up. I call her beautiful and she gives it up. *yawn* There’s no reason that a guy would be interested in keeping a chick like this because he can apply the same skillz to any other chick and get the same results.

      OTOH, If a gal presents herself as an adult Human Being who knows what she wants and doesn’t want and is interested in doing what she likes to do with guys that she determines have the qualities she’s looking for, the situation is mutual as opposed to predator -> prey.

      The zebra doesn’t have any choice as far as whether the lion eats it or not. The zebra is essentially walking food. No respect is warranted or given. Your goal is to not appear as prey waiting to be taken by any guy that knows the right tricks.

      Also.. In your particular case, you don’t want to mention that you’re on the rebound from an 8-year relationship. Guys are going to read that as Desperate and run all over you. They’re going to assume that you want to be back in the next relationship, ASAP and feed you that game in order to get you to give it up on the premise that you’re proving to them why they should go out with you for the next eight years.

      That’s not a powerful or respectable position. You’re single now. Leave it at that. If you have kids, you have them. Present yourself as a currently perfectly-functioning woman who’s looking to add companionship and/or sex to her life and make sure that guys know that you’re as involved in the decision-making process as they are.. if not more so. ;)

      Reply
24. Elle says:

    April 12, 2010 at 2:47 am

    OH MAN DUDE I am definitely giving myself a damn pat on the back for finding your site! Shits off the chain! I am a pretty feminine female, so easy on the eyes and I got my shit on point…but I made the mistake of fallin for one dude, and got playyyed like a drunk skunk! I mean we’re still friends ya know…cuz he is still coo pplz and I got more out of him intellectually then he did from me. BUT the part where you said “Another reason is that when the guy finally got it, he detested the sex. She talks too much, she talks too little, she talks about the wrong things, she sounds like a porno, she sounds like nothing’s going on, he doesn’t like how her body feels, he doesn’t like the fit, she’s not sensual when she does things to him…..For some reason, women seem to believe that sex is good by definition… Like, because sexual contact was achieved, that means it was GOOD sex. Far from true, haha :)”

    Makes so much sense…I mean we connected so well mentally, it was amazing but every time we TRIED having sex it wasnt special or there was nothing there, BUT dude, LMAO the second time we tried he said I talk too much, lol..then he said he doesnt even want to try anymore and that it was too much pressure to have sex with me. Wowzers!

    Anyways….so that was history, now my game with men is slightly on point but will be on point very soon thanks to you Bill!

    I am seeing this new dude that I am physically attracted too, some what interested in mentally…I am go getter and he is laid back so I mean I am not super interested in having a LTR with him BUT homie is pretty fine and our connection physically is off the chain, even though we havent gone the full mile, I can just tell from the minor shit we do he is an awesome lover. But after the last dude I am not ready to even be sexually active with someone again.

    How do I subscribe or get a member login to your site? I suppose I will just add you on facebook!

    Appreciate the STREET GAME knowledge wish I knew about this when I was younger.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      April 12, 2010 at 7:51 am

      Thanks so much for the props, Elle! hahaha :D

      I’m adding a text box in the sidebar for email subscriptions, but you can click this link to subscribe via email http://feedburner.google.com/fb/a/mailverify?uri=billcammack&loc=en_US or if you use an RSS reader, you can click here feed://feeds.feedburner.com/billcammack or copy that URL into your feed reader.

      Here’s the thing as far as the “Talks Too Much”, haha :) .. The media would like everyone to believe that everyone wants to **** porno chicks, but in fact, if you look at Tiger Woods’ girlfriends, there are more ‘regular’ chicks than paid professionals. Unfortunately, a lot of chicks fall for the Okey-Doke and believe that all guys want to hear them running their mouths during sex, talkin’ ’bout “AIIII PAPI!!! :O” and “Oh God!!!” and “Can I cum, Master?” and all this other bullshit that some director that doesn’t even have the skill to be hired for a real movie told the chicks to say because of his own personal fantasies based on his own lack of actual sexual interaction with unpaid females.

      So what happens is that dude’s trying to enjoy himself, but he’s thinking “I wish this **** would shut the **** up so I can enjoy this! :/”. Unfortunately, it’s a shot in the dark whether two people are sexually compatible. If there are issues, they can be discussed and circumvented or they can’t. \o/ There’s no way for either of you to know what the other one’s into unless you ask each other.

      Now that you mention “Street Game”, I need to do some more episodes of my audio podcast series with Frank. It’s been way too long, and I have some stuff I want to riff about…

      Reply
25. Danielle says:

    April 20, 2010 at 6:12 am

    Ok I did the unthinkable…I held out and it was because I was thinking if I did he would respect me and then I would want it like he wanted it. He went down on me several times and we had a few make out session in the course of a month after meeting. I knew what he wanted he was hot and cold. I have come across so neurotic clingy and crazy because I’m still raw from an old ass break up that never really got closure. Neeedless to say I sensed he was losing interest so I told myself I could have casual sex and blah blah I’d still feel ok. Well I did it and it was horrible couldnt stay wet didn’t let him do his thing right kept stopping him ect. I am so much better than that in bed. So of course after he hit he quit. Got drunk a few days later and textd him to come over and he agreed but bailed on me without explantion. I called left some bitter message about penis size (shutters)! I’m so embarassed i want to forget I ever met him and erase this whole fiasco, I’m still not ready to date again it’s been 10 months since my ex wtf Im so picky! I’m one of the few chics who actually needs an emotional connection to enjoy it. Never met a dude I just want to F initally. If he gets in contact tomorrow way to handle it. I behaved so badly I can’t blame him. I did’t make him prove himself just let some time go by. I want to avoid any further embarassment! Tell me what I prob already kno….
    p.s. i’m pretty cute face nice bod. so donnt think im so ugh fugly chic guys approach just come on so strong plus been on dates just nothing i kept goin this long. i dont get out enough he was soo sweet intially

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      April 20, 2010 at 8:52 am

      Hey Danielle. :)

      It’s really tough for women, because as reader “Sophia” pointed out, “Dating for women is based on hope since what we want has to be sustained over time (relationship) vs. you guys getting what you want very quickly (sex). You can be more pragmatic immediately because yours is not a waiting game.”

      That’s entirely spot on. If you don’t feel like hooking up right now, some other chick will, and that’s the bottom line for most of us. We’re not looking for YOU. We’re looking for an experience, a feeling, an interaction. You have that for us or you don’t.

      In general, there is no “Saving the relationship by giving it up”. By the time you feel the need to save something, dude’s probably already on his way out the door and he’ll take whatever you give him as a parting gift.

      It seems to me that your conflict is between the person that you actually are and the person that guys are willing to keep interacting with. In general, it’s best to stick with who you really are and let the relationships come and go. That situation you wrote about is a prime example of that. I’ve never actually asked, but I don’t think I know any guys that would **** a chick again after some old stop, start, stop, start, stop ish. It doesn’t work like that. You’re blowing the mood. I realize that you were doing what was necessary for you, and that’s what you should have done, but dudes are gonna be like “That ***** is CRAZY! :/” and you’ll be more trouble than you’re worth.

      For that, they could have handled the business themselves without you keeping interrupting, Nah Meen?

      If you really need that connection, wait for the connection. It’s clear that your body doesn’t want to cooperate when you elect to freestyle sex, so fuhgeddabouddit. Let it go. Focus on what you feel you need. Connection first, hookups later.. If ever.

      As far as that dude, you might have to call some pre-planned platonic get-togethers with him at this point because he might be STRIVING to avoid any situation where it might turn into a physical thing with you because he doesn’t want to tell you to your face “Nah.. Keep that ish to yourself”. If you’re gonna keep talking to him, work on that connection you need and leave the physicality out until you feel like you can go with the flow.

      Reply
26. Danielle says:

    April 20, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Thanks Bill this little blog is cool…glad I found this thread. I already knew all these things it just feels good sometimes to have someone non-judgemental confirm it. I feel like I have to prove I’m good in bed. Some little thing gnawing at me wants to freak this geek, blow his little mind like I kno I can. I’m a scorpio we like control and I hate the power he has. Guys never approach me outside a club. And I dont like clubbing that much. They always say I’m too pretty prob hav a b/f and look high maintainence. How can I break the ice in public wihout looking so slutty or make myself more approachable. I try to smile alot already! You mentioned making yourself unique before to him before sex how do you do tht?

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      April 30, 2010 at 7:31 am

      That’s an interesting problem, Danielle.. Getting fewer raps because you’re too attractive. A few of my friends have voiced the same opinions.

      If a chick’s too hawt, she’s too much work. You have too many guys coming after her offering her too much stuff to screw her and your life becomes a big game of defense / keeping up with the Joneses. Lots of guys are content to kick it to gals that turn them on, are friendly, personable and appreciative of the time you spend with them and aren’t in such high demand that you have to constantly change up your roster because they keep going off the market.

      I’d suggest you listen to “Meeting Men Without Looking Easy” from my Street Game series with Frank that I need to resume THIS WEEK now that I think about it.

      Reply
27. Changing our programming | What Women Weave says:

    April 30, 2010 at 1:26 am

    [...] Rose commented on Why You Got Dumped After Sex [...]

    Reply
    • Layla says:

      May 8, 2010 at 12:56 pm

      After 15 yrs of marriage and 3 yrs of (celibate) separation I move out of state to make a new start.
      I messaged a man that I knew of thru a family member. I was told he was a safe, kind, thoughtful person. So I thought what the heck I do not know anyone here.

      I message him, found out he was involved with someone that lied and said she was divorcing her husband (have her cake and eat it to)I told him about what was going on with me, you know, just friendly conversation.
      We talk some on the phone (he lived over 3hrs away)he was going to be playing close to where I lived and invited me and my cousin to come see him.
      He took us out for dinner we caught the show, hugged good night, he told us to call when we got home so he would know we made it safe.

      The next day he starts chatting online with my cousin,(she later told me all he wanted to talk about was me) I felt a twinge of jealousy when I found out he was chatting with her but I scolded myself for feeling that way.
      See when I first met him I thought he was attractive but there wasn’t this “click” and I knew he had feelings for someone else.

      Another month goes by we are still messaging daily sometime twice. He calls, we laugh everything was going great and I sort of knew I was getting attached.
      One night we are bored and start an online chat one thing leads to another and it turns to sexual banter. He tells me that he is a giver and he really enjoys giving oral “LOTS” I tell him my husband refused to do that.
      He talks about giving a mean back massage, I ask about feet, he replies oh yes, then I write (of course I’m playing) “I Love You” he writes LOL!
      Then he asks hows your friend doing (vibrator) I said it died had to get another one LOL!
      So this went on for awhile then I wrote Meet you in 5!! as a joke.
      He writes back “I don’t know how to ask… What are the chances…Of the two us getting together sometime? He said he was a little hesitant to ask knowing how it’s not my style to get with someone I do not have a commitment with.
      That took me by surprise I was shocked, flattered, confused,and scared all at the same time. (my cousin said I looked like someone slapped me)I said right now pretty good but I’m a little scared.
      He invites me down closer to him and said he will get me a room, no strings, show me around town, take in a movie and dinner. I told him I would need to think about it.

      The weather for the next month was not cooperating but the following month I had a job interview and got my own room. We met up for dinner, movie, stopped by to visit a friend of his. He takes me back to my room and checks on him mom (she lives with him) for the night tells her he will be home (he lives over and hr away) we talk some, then I told him he can stay I have an extra bed. Hoping he would and he did, he called his mom and told her he was staying overnight.
      We were at it all night long, after round 6 I said I have to be up early for my job interview.
      The next morning I get up get dressed take my suitcase and leave him in bed to sleep.
      On my cell phone he leave a message that I forgot my socks he has them in his bag and I left in such a haste he didn’t even get a peck on the cheek or nothing, he hopes the weather didn’t hold me up and I made it home ok.

      We continue our usual messaging and calling thing, he calls just checking to see how my day was going. I get the job move to the capital he meets me at my new apt with a stereo hooks it up, we go to dinner, back to my apt and to bed for 2 rounds, go out to see he friends play at a club, home to my apt. next morning I cook breakfast we kiss goodbye. Continue our usual messaging.

      The next week I meet him in a bar to watch him play. While he is playing two men bought me drinks (I’m a tea-totaller)the drinks hit me hard. When he broke, I had a group of both men and women around me. I showed him where one man wrote on a napkin to call him and we would have dinner.
      I thought it was funny (because no man has ever done that before) My friend looked at it and just gave it back, no comment. We kissed some, and one man asked if we were dating I said not really we ar just friends this man said you kiss all your friends like that? My response was well I guess we are friends with benefits.
      So after all this my friend didn’t go home with me (he said that wasn’t his plan to begin with) he did message that he would have loved to have one more my night with me but he had an early morning.
      I messaged him about what all took place while he played. He then asked if I thought one of the men were hitting on me, I said no I think he was just being nice.

      After that for the next 2 1/2 weeks he would hardly respond to my messages, and calls. Not like he use to almost instantly.

      So worried that something was wrong I tell him (trying to gage his affection for me) we should go back to the way things were before sex entered into the picture.
      I am enclosing his actual message response:
      No it is all good. There should not be anything between you and me that causes stress or uncomfortable feelings either. Sex isn’t that big of a deal…”did I just say that!” No seriously…you are a good person and I truly love your spirit. You don’t say anything you don’t mean and like you said…just shoot straight from the hip. It was a lot to ask you to have a “friends with benefits” relationship with me. With my background in relationships it was easy. But I know it isn’t your style and if it is OK with you then it is OK with me to just be good friends. Nothing will change other than…well you know.
      I’ve met someone here at home. In the past couple weeks we’ve talked about seeing each other exclusively and have made a decision to not see other people. Still just taking it very slow and relaxed. She is nice and what I like about her most is that she likes me to. I feel there is enough there that I would like to only see her and in time see what might develop.
      What does he mean She is nice and what I like about her most is that she likes me to???

      This woman is the sister in-law to the guitar player with his band. That I later found out they have been trying to fix him up with, he has known her for over a year.

      I call him and he tells me he told her “I have been seeing someone in Blah Blah but it’s not serious (can you believe he told me that)and when I asked him when was he planning on telling me he said they were waiting to see where it was going before they told anyone. And he said to me Your not “The One”, honey. (jerk)
      I asked if that is why he didn’t want to go home with me he relied no, I never planned on it I had and early call the next day.
      But he wants us to continue being close friends.
      So, after a week or more, I call him we talk laugh, I ask for my SOCKS! He laughed and said after all his back to back gigs in May he will have time to stop by in June we can go out to dinner. Another message (after I tell him about the dinner date napkin man I was getting ready to start seeing)he tells me that I should go and I’m a very smart woman with dark hair, blue eyes, and great tits!
      My thought was I bet your new exclusive girlfriend would not like to know you just said that and that you want to take me out for dinner.

      Week 4 I’m getting slowly over him but still desire him, not just sexually but as a companion.
      I had not messaged him in 4 days and then I saw something he would enjoy hearing, he sent me a LOL thanks I needed that especially today.
      We play phone tag then we finally talk, laugh, he then makes a comment I will have to tell mom when I see her “tomorrow” (my thought why did you just say that?) So later I ask him What are you doing tonight (I wasn’t hinting to get together he lives too far away) he said Oh me and GF are going to an oyster bar to see friends play, and don’t feel bad she doesn’t like oysters either. (like I gave a shit) So I mention “napkin man” and I can tell he didn’t like that. BUT LIKE AN IDIOT!! I start telling him how I don’t really like “napkin man” that I like him and I now he doesn’t like me that way. He said I like you, but you don’t have to beat yourself up over this. I said one of these days you are going to realize how F**king adorable I am and it will be too late. He sort of laughed.

      Now can anyone please give me some insight to what The Hell happened? Where did I go wrong?
      What do I need to do from here, leave him alone, not call or message him, but for how long?
      I really enjoyed our conversations up until he mentions “her”
      When I asked him twice was I mistaken when I thought for a moment he was starting to feel something more for me or was I just fooling myself? He will not respond, though he never held back telling me anything else that he knew would hurt me. This he will not answer.

      His band is coming to town in a couple of weeks and I was planning on going, that is until last night and my stupid mouth.

      Should I keep hoping that he may come back around, all the while continue to date others?
      He acts like he doesn’t care but when I mention other men I can tell he gets a little ticked.

      How do I make him see that he has made a mistake by giving up so easily?
      What are the steps that would work on you?

      I was really starting to love him and was thinking he was starting to feel the same.

      My ex-husband did this to me when I was 19. But he just cut off all communication and later I found out he was dating someone. Three month later he calls be back and the rest is history.
      Back then I didn’t care so much because we never were sexually intimate.
      I’m just afraid if I do the same with this guy he wont care 1. because he is 50 and had numerous gf in his past.
      2. out of sight out of mind.
      3. he has never been married or lived with anyone.

      Advice please other than what I’m already doing.
      Dating others and moving on.

      Are there steps I can take to win him back?

      Keep in mind I wasn’t sure of what our relationship was or were it was going. I have only been in one relationship right out of high school. I married my only boyfriend. So I was too afraid to show any affection outside of the bedroom. When we were in public I didn’t hold his hand we just walked together. I now believe he wanted more but he would not approach me.

      I remember some of our conversations where he would mentions past loves and how when they met they were really into him. When we has sex so was I. He even told me I was awesome, I responded back I’m sure I’m not the first you have said that to not will I be the last. But i can tell you You Are The Best I Have EVER Had, thanks you are now my best friend” I was still afraid to get too close for fear he didn’t want or feel the same.

      Is it too late? Should I just give up?
      Do I have a second chance? I would like one.
      I know I am starting to look like those desperate women I can’t stand, pathetic women.

      Layla
      This just happened in April.

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        May 8, 2010 at 8:35 pm

        Hey Layla. Thanks for the question. :)

        I wouldn’t say that you did anything “wrong”, actually. The problem is that women are brainwashed into acting like they’re less interested in a guy than they really are. Y’all think it makes you look like you’re not a ho. What it actually does is put you lower on the totem pole than the next woman that’s “bout-it bout-it” when a guy offers her an opportunity.

        If I were to have a conversation with a chick ABOUT HER VIBRATOR and then, upon finding out that it was broken, offer to COME OVER AND HAVE SEX WITH HER and her reply to me was “I’ll Think About It”, I’d be like “**** that *****. Let her get off on her own”. Seriously.

        That’s not a knock on your personal style. I understand that you’re not too much into the dating game and that you most likely HONESTLY needed to think about it. All I’m saying is that that particular answer falls WAY BEHIND “I’d like that” or “I’m looking forward to it”.

        The overall problem here (and again, this isn’t a knock against you, it’s just an honest observation) is that since you were out of the game for 15 years and then didn’t hook up with a dude for another three, your game is similar to a High School female. It’s very simple. It’s not sophisticated. If dude is 50 years old, he’s had every single conversation that you had with him a thousand times already. His game is going to be way superior to yours.

        On top of that, both of you agreed that FWB isn’t your thing. Still, you elected to get involved with it. I think that was the right move because y’all shared some good times together. :) However, again, you were stepping into an arena where you’re an absolute amateur compared to a guy that’s been kickin’ it with chicks for over a quarter century.

        A definite sticking point is Napkin Man. I understand why you would think that it was humorous that some guy offered you his number. I also understand why you would be flattered, since that had never happened to you before. I’m glad you were able to experience that. :) However.. You don’t have any idea who your FWB told his friends that you are.

        If he told them that he was thinking about dating you exclusively and then you accepted a number from a dude, you made him look like a chump. Also, if he doesn’t respect the guy whose number you accepted, he might think you have poor taste in men and/or are “easy”.

        When I was with my ex, dudes used to give her numbers & business cards and she would give them to me. We both found it amusing that she was collecting numbers, but she didn’t want them because at that time, she was satisfied with our thing. There was no reason for her to be talking to those dudes. She didn’t ASK them for their numbers, they just offered them to her. It wasn’t like she was saying to me “hahaha Look! This guy gave me his number! :D” and then pocketing it as if she was going to call him sometime.

        Personally, I wouldn’t have cared because I keep my game tight. If a chick I’m messing with wants to mess with some other dude, she needs to go ahead and do that. If I’m not doing what I need to do to keep her interested in me, C’est La Vie. \o/

        Another problem is that if some dude asks you what your relationship is to some other dude, you’re supposed to stay shut. That’s called “Keeping His Business Out The Street”. If you’re blabbing about whether you’re “just friends” or not, who knows what else you’re going to blab about in the future? No good. :/

        This friend of mine told me that a friend of hers asked her why *I* had her in my Facebook avatar. Same deal. That’s *MY* personal business. Maybe I’m hooking up with her. Maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m planning to marry her. Maybe I think she looks hawt and want to show her off to my friends. Maybe I think *I* look particularly good in that picture and it has nothing to do with her at all. Either way, it’s *MY* business, just like if anybody asks me about her, I say “She’s a friend of mine. I enjoy her company. She’s cool. I’ll introduce you to her the next time we’re all in the same place.” Whatever she told me about herself is *HER* business, and I’m not going to go around blabbing it all over creation.

        While it may or may not be true that he’s dating someone else exlusively, the point is that he doesn’t want to hook up with YOU anymore. It’s easier on you for him to back out of the situation claiming interest in another woman than if he would have just said “I’m not interested anymore. I’m going to do my thing with other chicks now.”

        The upside of that is that he’s offered to be friends with you. Lots of guys just BOUNCE when they’re done with a chick and never speak to her again. The only reason they were talking to her was to hook up with her and once that goes, they’re not interested in anything about her life ever again.

        The downside is that it appears that you’re interested in continuing the situation that he’s no longer interested in.

        My advice to you would be to stay in the pocket but date other guys like a regular, single woman. If he’s serious about being friends with you, he might come around at some point and want to date you again. If he doesn’t feel like hooking up again, at least you have a friend you shared good times with and that you’ve remained in touch with.

        At this point, the only way to win him back is to stay in the game and demonstrate to him that you’re a good person to be friends with and potentially a good person for him to date. If he’s really dating the woman he mentioned, she might get caught slippin’ and divulge some kind of character flaw that makes him turn off to her as quickly as he turned off to you.

        If that happens, you want to make sure you’re right there in the running to step up and usurp her throne.

        My only other advice is that you need to be authentic. If you really like a guy, you need to let him know and let the chips fall. If you don’t, same thing. Guys that are looking for a girlfriend don’t like indecisive women. Your word has to mean something so that if he decides to call you his girlfriend, it means something to him that you call him your boyfriend. Take some time for introspection so you can figure out what you really want going forward and present a strong, decisive stance for the next time you’re in a situation like this with him or some other guy.

        Good Luck! :D

        Reply
28. Layla says:

    May 8, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    When I told him I was scared and I needed to think about it he said he appreciated my honesty. He understood where I was coming from because he knew me and what I had been through prior to our face to face meeting. He also knew how vulnerable I was/am. How I know him is he knows my sister in-law.

    And as far as acting like a teenager, I will admit I felt like one again. Something I never thought I would and it felt nice for awhile.

    I know now I screwed up but I can’t un-ring a bell and I know I have to move on.

    I do have a date next week with napkin man. We talked on the phone, I will stay in the loop by remaining in touch with my FWB.

    What you said is what I have been thinking all along, though my uncle told me to just forget about him and have some pride. That all I’m doing is feeding his ego by mooning and fawning over him.
    To me Love and Pride do not mix well.

    I’m sure he is seeing GF I have seen her on his FB friends list, she is cute plus she only live 30mins away, where I live 1hr 45mins.

    Do you think it would be pathetic if I show up on the 21st to see him play, or should I give it more time. Everything I have read tells people to not contact them and let them miss you.

    I’m sure if my FWB really wanted rid of me he would delete me from everything.
    I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him but it was heading in that direction.

    I was taken by surprise on our first night together how he kept kissing me on my back and holding my hand. My thought was is he suppose to be doing this if we are just FWB. And the loving message he gave on my cell.

    He does however, have this thing with married/separated women. In the beginning I was trying to help him through one of these relationships, in return he listened to me talk about my (at that time) soon to be ex.
    I did ask him if the reason he want to have sex with me was because he just called it quits with SS, he said “Hell No!” That he still has feelings for her but he will get over it (if she would leave him alone) and he wanted to be with me because of me. He told me after the break up he loves my spunk and spirit and I say (I can as long as it’s not my feelings) what I mean.

    Now you do know the vibrator story he and I were just playing around he knew I didn’t have one.
    I couldn’t type and use one at the same time, I’m talented but that that talented LOL!!

    Do you men ever change your mind about a woman once you break it off with them?

    FWB is now giving me dating advice about napkin man, telling me if napkin man starts to move in the sex direction to just tell him up front that I only do that with men I am involved with.

    He told me after he offered his services to me that he is not boyfriend material.
    Can you please explain what that means I never asked him I just assumed it meant he didn’t want a relationship.

    Thank you for your upfront answers I appreciate you writing back.
    I know next time to be upfront and not wait to see how someone is feeling about me first. I hope you know how hard that will be.
    But one more question, when is the right time to do something like that without scaring someone off?

    I will stay hopeful and believe anything is possible. I am and have always been a one man woman I do not flit from one to the other and he knows this.

    Thanks again
    Layla

    Reply
    • Frank says:

      May 10, 2010 at 9:42 am

      Uhm, so not only did you SHOW him the napkin and then you KEPT the napkin and now you are on a DATE with the dude from the napkin BUT are still wondering what going on with the first dude…
      I dont mean what Im going to say in any malicious way but… ARE YOU REALLY THAT NAIVE? Nothing personal but just because he elected/chose/accepted that this would be a FWB move doesnt mean he wants to know about the rest of your business. More importantly, you are going on a date with sum1 you met while you supposed toe be VIBBIN’ with him… Your most simple response should have been “Oh, Im sorry but im here with a friend”! So now you wonder how you cab win him back WHILE still going out on this date with Napkin Dude… Follow me closely, if YOU were a GUY this is how that would sound “damn, how do I keep fucking her while still getting with that chick who wrote her personals on that na’kin!” How would you feel if you were one of the chicks YOU are talking about??
      Considering how you met Napkin Man, the term we need to aquaint with is DISRESPECTFUL! Thats what would be said of HIM if he copped a number while in your presence, soooooooooooo… What would that make YOU?

      As for him telling you to slow down the sex with the new guy, that MIGHT just be reflex since he is the one responsible for your actions. In short, If I ant gettin’ it-Nobody gettin’ it!!

      Quick question: (and this is out in left feild and may not even apply to you) But what are Napkin Dudes motives?? My answer would be (and speaking only for me if I was Mr. Brawny Towels there)… Met this chick while she was with her man and gotta a date this week. You know Im tap dat azz…

      Reply
      • Layla says:

        May 10, 2010 at 5:47 pm

        Okay, I understand what you are saying but it’s hard to get the full effective of my relationship with FWB’s in writing for you to completely understand.

        He is the one that told me to call “napkin man” I didn’t want to and told him so then and there.
        HE is the ONE that would not tell ME he has/had feelings for me. So, when I asked why he wanted me to call these people he said I need to make friends closer to me. I took that to mean he didn’t care about me.

        This past Friday FWB calls me out of nowhere he brings up “I will have to tell mom tomorrow when I see her” (though later in the conversation he pulls up to his house and said he has to go in to shower why couldn’t he tell his mom then?) that was an opening for me to ask what he was doing Friday night. Of course he has to tell me he is going out with GF, he didn’t say it but, that meant he was staying overnight with her.
        I have not gone on a date with napkin man as of to date, we had plans but I called it off. I do not know him well enough to go out on a date, I will meet him someplace but I will not allow him to my apt.

        After I spilled my guts to FWB I didn’t message him at all over the weekend I didn’t even try to make any contact. He sends me a message this morning.
        If he knows how I feel about him then he needs to give me time to get over him. Every time I make the decision to wait at least 2 weeks before I try to contact him he either calls (stating I called him but didn’t leave a message)or he Facebooks me.
        With what he did on his drive home blah blah blah.

        Trust me I would not have called “napkin man” had he not encouraged me to do so. When FWB said that to me, that meant he didn’t care about me or with whom I hung out with.

        My FWB knows me well enough to know I do not sleep around and can take care of myself. He is one of two men I have ever slept with, my former husband being the other. I went 3 years being completely celibate before I met FWB.

        If he wanted to be exclusive with me then he should have said so, and I would have jumped at the chance, because I found myself falling for him, not because he is in a band and use to be in a fairly famous one(I didn’t know until much later in our relationship) years ago. I fell for him the man I “thought” he was.

        So, you all can say I was playing games, but would you not agree he was doing the same?

        Just because I was trying to guard my heart to the best of my ability and not wanting to look foolish by being rejected. I feel he did as well, that is if he ever had any feelings for me. I have asked him twice “Did I notice he was starting to have feelings for me other than just FWB, or was I mistaken?” he will answer every other question but that. And if he was trying to spare my feelings by not answering then why didn’t he spare my feelings when he told me there was someone else,our relationship wasn’t serious and I am not the “one”? That hurt, and he knew it would.

        Besides like I have said before, I think part of our problem was when the whole “getting together” conversation came up he is the one that told me he was not “boyfriend material” which by the way I still do not know what that means or entails.

        This whole thing revolves around both of us not wanting to go back on what we initially stated and it’s called PRIDE!

        So, yes I will go out with others and no, I will not throw it in his face (unlike him) when I do.
        Yes, I will stay in touch with him (because I still have strong feelings) but first I must try to gain some composure before I do so.

        My question is How much time should pass before I drop by to see him play without looking too desperate, clingy, or pathetic? After all I did make a fool of myself Friday night after I told him how much I liked him, with him sort of laughing while I said it. Though I did say it in a kidding way.

        This whole thing is starting to get old with me and I am at the point of telling him to screw it all.
        I know that we would have been happy together if both of us or at least one of us had been upfront about it.

        Then there is always the possibility he never had feelings for me and I just imagined the whole things.

        Sex was GREAT, after sex cuddling was wonderful, the after sex calls and messaging was something I will always cherish.
        I fell and fell hard for someone that I never wanted to.
        Coming from a long and difficult marriage that I did everything to hang on, I told my FWB I would never marry again. He did make me realize that I am capable of loving someone, something I thought I would never allow myself to do.

        Now what do you men think I should do?
        Do I write him the above paragraph telling him just that?
        Do I let it go?
        Do I keep in the picture waiting to see if his new relationship will hold up, or will it be like so many of his in the past fall apart.
        I do not want to be the topic of conversation with his new GF like the woman before me was with he and I.
        I do not want to run into one of his buddies (like that would happen I don’t hang out in clubs)and have them look at me like a pathetic loser.

        I am not going to beg him to see me, call him or anything like that.
        Although he told me a few weeks ago that in June he will come by and we can go to dinner, and he will bring me my socks I left in the hotel room on our first encounter back in Feb.

        Layla

        Reply
        • Frank says:

          May 11, 2010 at 9:18 am

          Ok, first is this-Im only speaking for myself. i dont know you or him and dont know all the mitigating factors involved here, having said that:

          if it were i in that situation, here is why your comment (“…He is the one that told me to call “napkin man” I didn’t want to and told him so then and there.
          HE is the ONE that would not tell ME he has/had feelings for me…”) would be irrelevant to me, What else am I supposed to say??? You already accepted the number. You accepted the number at an establishment that I might be known. Even if I had feelings for you, what incentive would I have to share them with you?? Of course i would say go ahead and call, I have to save face and keep the notion that its just a FWB situations going. The only way to get me to ask you not to call would have been for you to not take the number PERIOD. The fact that you KEPT the number only adds to it. Again, speaking for myself. If you lived a distance from me and I met an equally attractive female closer… If i had to choose, you would lose. Simple and as narrow minded as it may sound the only reason would be that number. How can I trust you from a distance when you didnt give me a reason to do so in person? This may or may not apply to you now but going forward, keep the above in mind. (Making this a little more personal and again speaking only for myself. Even if I initially believed you in regards to how many men you slept with, the ease in which you took that number while with me would make me question your honesty. It would make me question if I trully am the amongst the lucky few or if Im just one of several? Depending on where I was emotionally with you, that napkin has the potential to undo all that!)
          Please dont take this like im judging you, I am not. Going forward though, whatever would offend you will/would probably offend someone else. Im not saying you werent with in you right to get numbers Im just saying the time and place were inapropriate and if you couldnt help yourself, dont mention it.

          Reply
          • Bill Cammack says:

            May 11, 2010 at 10:25 am

            I’ll cosign all of that. Also, as Frank says, without being judgemental, merely factual.

            If a chick I was kickin’ it with said a dude gave her his number AND she accepted AND kept it AND showed it to me AND *STILL* kept it, I’d be like WTF’s going on here? :/

            Not only does it look like you’re still playing the field, but you disrespected him in his own establishment. There’s nothing else to say about that and retain your self respect other than “I think you should call him”. What’s the alternative? “PLEASE DON’T CALL HIM? I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!! :O”.. If you want to go out like a sucker, go ahead. Most guys are gonna be like **** this. I have a chick that’s closer in proximity and way more down for me than this chick, so let me roll with that.

            I think we also need to throw C-Jay’s concept in here, which is that I don’t think you were ever anywhere past “being on the roster” in the first place. It doesn’t sound like you were ever in the running to be anything more than ONE OF his chicks. You might have been up for “Best Girlfriend”, meaning that he had other chicks, but you had priority, but it seems like this dude already has options for female companionship and sex, so pulling him for yourself would be a rather tough row to hoe.

            Another thing which I’ll reserve for a different post is that women have a ******-up understanding of why guys have sex they way they do. Cuddling, Kissing, Eating Out, whatever.. That all depends on a guy’s STYLE and what he feels like doing or is inspired to do by a particular female. It doesn’t say anything about whether he cares about you or intends to keep you. If his style is to “make love” to you as if you’re his beloved wife, that’s just his style. You can’t translate that into what he thinks about you or wants from you.

            Not every guy takes you back to the cribbo so he can get blown and kick you out at 4:30am with $2.25 in your pocket for the subway home.

            Reply
            • Frank says:

              May 11, 2010 at 11:04 am

              “PLEASE DON’T CALL HIM? I LOVE YOUUUUUU!!!”

              Dude, Im surprised you could correctly spell those words and put them in the same sentence!!!

              Am I gonna have to start losing faith in you???? lol

              Reply
              • Bill Cammack says:

                May 11, 2010 at 11:46 am

                hahaha Neva Dat! Neva Dat!!! :D

                As much as I try to avoid it, I’ve actually heard R&B music and sappy stuff like that is all over the place.

                I was just imagining what a HERB would say! :D

                Reply
29. Frank says:

    May 11, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Uhm, this is going to sound really really REALLY shallow but I think we have missed one of the MOST obvious answers for this simple question:

    Why You Got Dumped After Sex?

    Because the only thing better than P***Y is NEW P***Y. As in this ones done, who’s next on the list!

    Damn, I feel dirty just writing that!! :)

    Reply
    • Callie says:

      March 18, 2011 at 10:53 pm

      To play fair and add to the sharing of knowledge for all…girls dump guys after sex too…I’ve done it and was because the magic stick wasn’t so magical. When a girl dumps you…it’s ALWAYS #2.

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        March 24, 2011 at 5:21 am

        hehe Agreed, Callie. :)

        Basically, guys expend all their energy and skill GETTING IN! :D

        The question is “What are you going to do with it, once you get it?”

        If he doesn’t have a good answer for that, it might be one-and-done for him, and then it’s back to the drawing board! >:D

        Reply
30. Layla says:

    May 11, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Okay, now you guys are just being hurtful.
    All I asked was for someone to help me figure out what I need to do.

    And yes he and I are still friends, he loves and care about me no matter what I relationship is.
    We were friends then and we are still friends.

    I know what I did was wrong “NOW” but at the time (and he knows this)my thought was we are just friends hanging out not boyfriend and girlfriend.

    I get your meaning and it is well understood.
    But I’m not just a piece of “Pussy” nor is he just a “Dick”.

    We are two people that made a mistake and will have to live with it.

    Layla

    Reply
    • Frank says:

      May 11, 2010 at 1:13 pm

      That last posting was a general answer for the Topic itself. It wasnt meant for you thats why i didnt attch it as an answer to you. The banter between Bill and myself is more personal because i know him in real life and i knew he would never say I love you please dont! that was between us and I do apologize if it came across as a dig to you, it wasnt. the only think that I addressed to you was the whole number on a napkin thing.

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        May 12, 2010 at 1:30 pm

        Yes. It’s clear that Frank was adding something to my original post.. Not the thread in the comments that pertained to you, Layla. :)

        Reply
31. Layla says:

    May 14, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    Okay, I need your advice.

    I will be seeing FWB Monday he is helping me with something. This will be our first meeting since that night at the club in April.

    Though we have been talking on the phone and messaging each other almost daily I am nervous.
    It may sound silly but I do not want to blow it.

    Layla

    Reply
32. tallgirl10 says:

    June 21, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    So I would like all of your thoughts on my situation.

    I dates someone three times last year. He asked me out, then texted then disappeared for 5 days. I responded and then he called me the next week for date two. On date two, we had a great time, and ended up fooling around (heavy second base). Then I went out of town, when I got back, I let him know I was home, he called, and asked me out.

    We went on date three and then he disappeared for 10 days. Then he texted, I waited two days to respond, then he called again 10 days after that, I did not respond because he never left a message.

    Then on new years, I saw him across the room, waved and smiled. He never came up to me. I was upset. I figured we would get a chance to talk. I was with our mutual friend, who called him out when he texted her later in the night. But I never reached out. Then I did not see him for three months.

    When he spoke to my mutual friend he said I was nice girl but that I was not the woman for him. He also told her what had happened and he was truthful.

    When I saw him at my friends b-day party, we hit it off, and he invited me to a concert and followed up on if I wanted to go.

    That culminated in him asking me out for date by texting me a bunch and calling me. The date went well. Then he came on really strong for date two. On that date, he had his arm around me for an hour, and then at the end of the night DID NOT try to kiss me. I then made some excuse that he was just tired.

    Then he backed off, he kept texting every few days, but not asking me out. I was then on vaca, and we texted a while on that. Then when I got back, he followed up. He asked me out for date three.

    On date three we went out to dinner, but he did not really touch me (he is not a touchy guy at all), we went to his place, watched a move and had a sleepover which moved to third base. In the morning, he was very affectionate. We went to a convert that afternoon and I met his friend.

    The next day, he texted me wishing me a happy b-day, and then disappeared. I texted him on Thursday night, which was a nice back and forth. but that felt really icky because I wanted him to contact me after we had fooled around, and it was my b-day.

    He then called the following tuesday to ask me to help him find art for his place. When I arrived on Sat, he did not seem glad to see me, he was ok, but it had been two weeks since I had seen him. He then invited a friend along for the art part. We left the festival, and we hung out at his place. He again did not touch me. We ended up cooking dinner and watching movies.

    That night, we fooled around, and he said my BJ as too hard (it was the first time we had done that, and I have never had complaints before). He was having troubles cuming, and it took a while, even when we went back to hand job.

    The next morning, he was not affectionate, and got a little snarky with me. I felt aweful because he just seemed to be backing further and further away.

    So I told him I thought he and I were having a disconnect and that I was wondering how he felt things were going. He said he enjoyed spending time with me, but that it was not going to get serious.

    I told him I did not want to be in anything that did not have a trajectory. I told him I was confused because this was the second time around, and i did not understand why he came on so strong and then just kept backing away.

    So, what happened? Was he never really interested? I have no idea how I could have been different. I never initiated much, and was very responsive.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      June 21, 2010 at 5:42 pm

      Thanks for the question, “Tallgirl”. :)

      It seems that you did everything you were supposed to do to indicate your physical interest in him. Guys, in general, want to get laid all the time. If it’s one of those times when they don’t, they can normally be inspired to want to get laid by either a chick that’s really attractive to them or a chick that’s at least quasi-attractive but has clearly indicated that she’s down with the program.

      Normally, when guys don’t hop on something like what you were offering, that means that they had something else lined up already. A lot of times, people (guys & girls) make the mistake of thinking that because someone’s “dating”, they’re not physically involved with anyone. “Single” means “Not committed”… It doesn’t mean “Not presently hooking up with anyone”. So, some people that you meet are going to have a very “Take it or leave it” vibe when you offer to sex them and even MORE of a “Meh” vibe if you attempt to get them to commit to some format of “relationship” with you.

      From what you said, it seems like he was interested enough to try you out but not interested enough to invest ANY time or energy into the situation, which means you’re better off meeting a guy that’s actually appreciative of your efforts.

      Reply
      • tallgirl10 says:

        June 21, 2010 at 11:14 pm

        Bill,

        I am pretty sure he is not seeing anyone else. But I never offered him sex. I offered a staged entrance to sex because I wanted to discuss that for me sex means that we are not sleeping with other people. There are a lot of bases ;-)!

        I am glad I ended it without sleeping with him. He had already shown me he was not going to be very respectful.

        The right guy will appreciate my efforts or at least be communicative.

        Not on the sex part, but why do you think he came back and pursued so heavily? Then to only back off?

        Reply
      • tallgirl10 says:

        June 21, 2010 at 11:17 pm

        Bill,

        I am also happy I had that discussion in a calm manner and just left. I did not need to add crazy to whatever he was thinking…..

        Reply
        • Steve says:

          June 22, 2010 at 1:47 pm

          “But I never offered him sex. I offered a staged entrance to sex”- That’s like having a three course meal where you may or may not get the third course when it’s the only reason you showed up to dinner to begin with. Just saying if your competition isn’t doing that you might not even make his short list.

          Sounds like whatever else he had going on fell through so he was working you as a long shot on the return trip and unless you were giving it up his interest was exhausted. I guess somewhere in there he either didn’t believe you, thought he was capable or wearing down your resolve. or had nothing else going on. In the end he got tired of sticking around but wasn’t going to turn down a BJ.

          Whether or not you slept with a guy who turned out to be a jerk is irrelevant, that’s physical attraction for ya, the more worrisome part is why YOU would deliberately spend any time at all with someone with such highly suspect behavior in or out of bed. You used the word “disappeared” three times in your original post. That’s at least two times too many unless he works for the CIA and even then he should be calling you from the water boarding chamber.

          Reply
          • Bill Cammack says:

            June 23, 2010 at 8:01 am

            Agreed with Steve.

            Perhaps the biggest problem for women is that y’all refuse to understand what The Game is actually about. Y’all think I’m joking when I say that if a guy doesn’t want to have sex with you, he’s not going to kick it to you AT ALL. This is why y’all ask questions like “Aside from the sex…”

            There *IS* no “Aside from the sex”. What happens after a wedding? A honeymoon. What happens on the honeymoon? Sex. What do they call it? Consummating The Marriage (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/consummate) – 2 : to make (marital union) complete by sexual intercourse [consummate a marriage]. There *IS* no marital union without sex. There’s no “relationship” AT ALL without sex being the focal point, whether it’s actual intercourse, blowjobs, handjobs, strip-teases, sweet nothings whispered in ears, whatever… without sexual stimulation of some kind, either actually getting it or the prospect of getting it in the near future, there’s no incentive for a guy to “ask a girl out” whatsoever.

            For some reason, women never figure this out no matter how many times you tell them straight to their faces and no matter how many times guys disappear when they determine that they either aren’t going to get any from a chick OR that getting it isn’t worth the hassle.

            You never offered him sex? Of course you did. You offered him sex as soon as you accepted his invite to start dating each other. Women don’t have to SAY “um… Let’s have sex?”. Y’all have to give the guy the green light to try to get it from you and that’s what “going out on dates” is. That’s YOU giving HIM the chance to throw his hat in the ring and maybe get laid tonight or some other night in the near future if he’s willing to put the work in.

            I understand, thanks to commenters on my own blog here WHY women have to remain in the dark about this kind of stuff in order to remain positive and happy about dating and their lives, but this mindset puts y’all at a SERIOUS disadvantage.

            Guys are thinking about having sex with you before they say WORD ONE to you when you meet them. They may have suggested to someone to introduce you to them BECAUSE they want to have sex with you. There’s no such thing as “Aside from sex”. If he wants you, he’s coming after you and it’s your decision whether to hook up with him or not. If he doesn’t want you, you’ll never hear from him again.

            Reply
            • Steve says:

              June 23, 2010 at 10:22 am

              Still not believing how important sex is to a relationship?
              Physical battery, adultery, and sexual abandonment are ALL fault based grounds for divorce in most if not all the states. “Fault based” versus irreconcilable differences, ’cause you actually get to single someone out in a legal court of law for not putting out. Yeah, there are a variety of reasons for that but even in the eyes of the law, no sex, no relationship.

              Reply
              • Frank says:

                June 23, 2010 at 12:31 pm

                SEX IS ABSO-EFFFFFIN-LUTLY a must!!! I have mentioned it in previous postings and I’ll say so again…
                I have never looked across the street and seen a fine, well shaped (.)(.) having female and said…
                I bet I’d be able to have a conversation with her!
                Every encounter is atarted on the notion that I’d like to get that! and any guy that disagrees is either lying or standing next to his SO and unable to really talk.

                Reply
                • tallgirl10 says:

                  June 24, 2010 at 4:57 pm

                  I agree, sex is a must, and should be on the table, at some time. I don’t want another friend either. What you guys are suggesting is that it is an all or nothing every time at the beginning of a relationship. I do not agree with that, and many women do not.

                  Anyhow, he was not attracted to me, I get it. I ended up dumping him anyhow so that the door is shut. For good this time. I can do better. I know that because when we were out and he was not appreciating me, I was being admired by others. Time to go find them.
                • Bill Cammack says:

                  June 24, 2010 at 11:31 pm

                  I would take your comment one step farther and say that MOST WOMEN DO NOT believe sex is an all or nothing from the beginning of a relationship.

                  Unfortunately, what y’all believe has no effect on what guys do and/or think. If you’re playing baseball and walk up to bat and the pitcher throws three strikes in a row while you don’t swing, you have to go sit down, regardless of whether you believed he was going to throw strikes or not.

                  What we’re telling y’all, and it’s not to be harsh, but rather to give y’all an opportunity to spot reality for a change.. is that if a guy isn’t sexually attracted to you, he’s not going to approach you as a “Friend With Benefits”, Girlfriend, Fiancee or Wife. There’s no point in ANY of those titles other than sex.

                  As confused as women are about that fact, I’m absolutely confused about why the majority of y’all will never “get it”. :D If a guy isn’t physically attracted to you, he’s going to treat you like you’re another guy. You will get NO LIGHT as far as “relationships” whatsoever.

                  When people get married, they swear on a stack of bibles that they’re going to be sexually faithful to each other. Why in the hell would you agree to that with a woman you’re not sexually attracted to? \o/ You wouldn’t. So the only two ways you’re getting married is if a) he wants to **** you, or b) if he DOESN’T want to hook up with you, but has every intention of screwing chicks behind your back.

                  This is why it’s in a gal’s best interest to make sure the guy she wants to corral in to a relationship thinks she’s the bee’s knees as far as sex. If not, it’s gonna be a tough row to hoe, holding on to your man.
33. unsuregirl says:

    June 22, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    I need mens input but i don’t want to make this story too long..:)
    So he his an aquaintance, when we see each other we talk and joke around but there was never any indication on either of our parts of any interest.
    We went out cuz it was a friend of both of us bday and things got really alcholized and i gave him a ride home, we ended up at another bar and then back to my place. He lives 2 blocks from me but he did end up staying the night after drunken sex and in the morning it happened again (hung over sex)…for a total of 3 more times….he didnt leave until noonish….gave me a little kiss and a hug and said he’d call me sometime next week….its been 2 days now and i know im jumping the gun, but does it mean anything when a guy stays over that long after does it again and he was super duper affectionate in the A.M.

    Reply
    • Frank says:

      June 22, 2010 at 4:00 pm

      “…but does it mean anything when a guy stays over that long after does it again and he was super duper affectionate in the A.M…”
      Uhm, NO!
      For many, it just means that the 2 of you were so drunk that 1)you didnt get up and throw him out earlier and 2)he didnt get up!! One bright aside to all this DRUNK/HUNGOVER/3x in one visit… The sex was great! Wait for SOME TIME NEXT WEEK (meaning there are still 5 days after the waited 2) and Im sure he’ll call. Otherwise, chalk it up to an interesting encounter!

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        June 23, 2010 at 8:09 am

        As usual, Agreed across the board with Frank’s statements.

        I think I’m going to write about this this morning. Women are so used to getting lame treatment from men that they reverse-engineer GOOD treatment as some sort of long-term interest from a guy. One has nothing to do with the other.

        Y’all listen to all these stupid-ass Jay-Z records talkin’ ’bout “6 am I be kickin’ her out” or whatever, and y’all EXPECT to get treated like dirt and then when a guy does something decent for you or actually talks to you or actually spends some time with you when he’s not ******* you, y’all think he wants some kind of relationship.

        Some guys actually LIKE WOMEN and ENJOY showing y’all a good time. Period.

        However many times he hits it for however many hours and however many orgasms you got doesn’t have JACK to do with JACK. He may very well be like that with EVERY chick he hooks up with because that’s what *HE* finds fun & worthwhile about messing with chicks.

        Anyway… hahaha The dude said NEXT. WEEK. :D Two days does not a Next Week make, unless he tapped that on Friday or Saturday and it’s now Sunday. Still, a week includes SEVEN. DAYS. so relax. :)

        Good Luck! :D

        Reply
        • Christine from Louisiana says:

          July 6, 2010 at 10:13 am

          What? I go under the knife and you figure out THE general anesthesia afflicting all women? I was actually trying to respond to Dating Tips when I came across this brilliant distillation.
          “How many times for however many hours and however many orgasms…doesn’t have JACK to do with JACK. ” Well you shattered another illusion when I thought I was done. Yes, I have thought and maybe still do, that the sex I had with “X” was something rare which made our relationship special. I think I “own” that, at least 100% of my 50% of the experience.
          I also embrace “reverse engineer good treatment.”
          Yes, we do! And it IS lame. I think you have nearly enough material to just highlight the truths like Kindle readers do w/ favorite passages, and connect them seamlessly to effect change. You’d be the Norman Vincent Peale of the Power of Realistic Relationships! :D

          Reply
          • Bill Cammack says:

            July 6, 2010 at 10:23 am

            * passes the collection plate * HAHAHA :D

            Welcome back, Christine! :D .. Yes, there’s much to catch up on since you’ve been otherwise occupied.

            By the orgasm section, I wasn’t attempting to interpret or demean any interactions anyone’s ever had with anyone. :) I’m just pointing out the fact that if a guy thinks a gal’s really physically attractive, he may very well have hours upon hours of sex with her and still think that she’s a crumb as a person.

            One thing has nothing to do with the other.

            Similarly, guys might be “fast” or physically inattentive, but simultaneously LOVE the gals they’re with and hope they stay together forever.

            There are also lots of situations where “having sex” actually *IS* “making love” and there’s lots of love given, received and shared within the physical interaction.

            I’m just saying that the tendency is for women to assume that just because a guy likes to hit it and doesn’t treat her in the ways she’s used to from guys that pump her and dump her, that doesn’t mean that THIS GUY wants to keep her either.

            He might just happen to *ENJOY* turning her on and getting her off.

            Reply
34. Bill’s Dating Tips For Women [Part 02] | Bill Cammack says:

    July 3, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    [...] lot of women think they got dumped after sex because they had sex too [...]

    Reply
35. Kasandra says:

    July 7, 2010 at 7:24 am

    OK, I really need some advice. Because I’m going insane, here.
    I used to live in Britain, but moved back to Germany a year ago. I still however, regularly fly over for parties and meeting up with friends etc.
    Now last time I was over I hooked up with this really sweet guy after a few drinks that I’d fancied for a while. It was good, I enjoyed it.. it wasn’t mind blowing, but then again, I have hangups of my own and am really not very easy to fully please in the beginning. Doesn’t matter though. i enjoyed the intimacy… and we were both a little tipsy…. The next days, as girl friends do, all of mine were giving all these reasons why he definitely fancies me etc… Now I was only there for 5 days, but he still volunteered that I stay over at his and to take me to the airport at some godforsaken time in the morning. He picked me up, cooked me dinner and we had a really good time just watching TV and chatting.. So, yeah, I slept with him again. We were both sober and I guess I might have been a little awkward. My ex gave me quite some hangups about my abilities in bed… so I think i tend to overthink and over worry the topic.
    So, he crawled out of bed at like 4:30 in the morning, brought me to the airport and told me to get in touch next time I’m over. Since then the only communication except for one piece of banter a few days later has been innitiated by me…And when I asked if he felt like visiting me, he kinda overheard the question. Now, my friends could be right in thinking that he just doesn’t want to get too involved with a chick in another countries (even if the flight is only 2h away)…and that I should wait and see what happens when I get back, but I can’t help worrying. Maybe it was that simple. He thought the sex was awful and was disappointed. Only slept with me a second time to make sure it wasn’t just the booze… and now he doesn’t really want anything more to do with me. But if that’s true, then I can basically give up the whole notion of any kind of relationship with anybody in the future… DOesn’t sex also need time to get better? It does for me. I’ve never felt all that comfortable the firt time I sleep with a guy… Please, short of asking him (which would probably freak him out) I don’t know what else to do…

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      July 13, 2010 at 7:31 pm

      Hey Kasandra. :) Sorry to hear that your ex has affected your personal confidence.

      Did you say the flight is “only” 2h away? :D Does that H stand for.. HOURS? :D .. If so, I could be in Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania or Delaware if I wanted to travel two hours away from NYC to see a chick and I’m not inclined to date a gal that lives more than 20 minutes from my house.

      People in general have completely surreal ideas about Long Distance Relationships (LDRs). Basically, any female that lives closer to him than you do trumps you due to convenience.

      Another issue is that since he KNEW you were leaving, it was an easy deal to give you the works (staying over, cooking for you, cold lampin’ watching television…) because he knew that as soon as you had to fly home, you were out of his hair. Gone.

      It’s the old “What happens in Vegas” trick. You were on vacation, so the normal rules don’t apply to either of y’all. On top of that, he told you clearly “Get in touch next time you’re over”.. You typed that yourself. He didn’t say “Call me from two hours away”. He said “Next time you’re in position to hook up, you could get it”.

      Next time you go over there, I don’t doubt that he’d tap that again. That doesn’t mean he wants to talk to you on the phone or text or email with you or do ANYTHING with you that doesn’t result in him having a “Happy Ending”.

      As far as sex getting better, that’s always a possibility, but I don’t think that’s your problem. The issue seems to be the typical one, which is that women think that guys that are willing to have sex with them are interested in talking about mundane stuff with them and socializing with them other than physically/sexually. Normally, that’s not the case. Out of sight, out of mind. Bring it back looking good and it’s Game On all over again.

      Of course, there’s the possibility that he met a new chick (or several) since he hooked up with you and he just can’t be bothered. I think the only thing you can do to check is tell him that you’re going to be traveling there soon and see if he invites you over to do the do.

      Good Luck! :D

      Reply
36. Carissa says:

    July 13, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Wow! I love and read mostly all the post and was so eager to hear what Bill has to say about my situation.

    I met this guy and we exchanged numbers. He called and asked if I want to go have ice cream at a local place near his house. I agreed. I met him at his place and the ice cream shop was literally right next door to his spot. We never ended up getting ice-cream due to the wait but I agreed to hang out for a while at his spot. We had a few drinks. I hung out with him and his friends then it was one-on-one with me and him. We talked extensively about all kinds of things. The topic of sex came up and with that he began the touch the knee, rub the back game. I was reluctant and he gave me the “it’s just a knee” speech and not to worry because it’s not that type of party. Eventually, we began to mess around and he did the one thing that most men will not admit doing let alone partaking in…He went down on me!!!!! OF COURSE that sealed the deal and that lead to sex. We continued to see one another for 3 weeks. He went down ALL the time and I did return the favors often. I like it. He liked it. Within this time, I was spending the night every night almost, we went out to eat, I met friends and a few family members and everything was cool. Within the first week, he reassured me that the fact that we had sex meant nothing and that he usually didn’t feel the way he felt about me with most other girls and that meant something. He even went as far to tell me that he and his ex did the same thing (sex on the first date) and they stayed together for 3 years! He wanted to make it so during the time we spent together; we agreed that BF/GF was appropriate titles since we felt the same way about each other. Well…..3 weeks in and all this talk and reassurance he decided to limit communication. I sent him a text message and asked him if he wanted me to come to a party he was promoting. He replied no. I said if I’m your girlfriend, why wouldn’t you want me to come to your party? He gave no reply. I waited until after work to call him. I called and before I could say a thing, he answered the phone and said, “I’m in the car with one of my friends and I will call you later (music blaring in the background) and hung up. I felt disrespected so I didn’t call back but that turned into no communication before or after the party which was 3 days after I called. He has given no reason. No reply to my text and no calls. It’s been 5 days. I know for a fact it wasn’t sex but I do know I didn’t see it coming. What does this sound like to you from a man’s standpoint???

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      July 14, 2010 at 2:58 am

      Hey Carissa. :)

      First of all, dude used a lot of good techniques, haha.. Date right next to the crib for easy transition. Alcoholic beverages. Extraction from the group. I’m only touching you. The last girl I ****** on the first date, I dated her for 3 years. Hooking you up before he got his… Excellent technique. Dude’s been reading or hanging out with other dudes that put him on to The Game! :D

      Having said that, almost ANYTHING could have happened. He might have met a new chick and he’s expending his energy on her. He might have gotten bored of / used to hooking up with you and now he’s like “meh :/”. There could be something about your personality he doesn’t like.. Something he was tolerating so he could get on and now he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. It could be anything, really.

      A lot of guys just don’t get any more attached to women than the sex they’re currently having with them. \o/ It’s like it’s great while it’s great and then when it’s ok or meh or blah or wack, it’s “out of sight, out of mind”.

      As far as the titles, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, those are entirely meaningless. You may as well forget about those. You see what just happened.. He called you his girlfriend and then stopped communicating with you. Kaput. So much for that. THEN, when you tried to say “I’m your girlfriend”, he didn’t bother either acknowledging or refuting that point… because it’s irrelevant and has nothing to do with whether he hooks up with you or not or whether he contacts you or not.

      My uneducated guess here is that he used to be really into messing with you and then he got used to it. As much as women don’t want to believe it, when a guy can either “take you or leave you” as far as sex, you pretty much don’t have any more leverage in the relationship whatsoever.

      This is one of the reasons why badboys are so tough for chicks to corral into relationships. There’s no reason they should only hook up with you because a bunch of other chicks are offering them the exact same thing.

      The unfortunate part is that when the situation dissolves, a lot of guys bounce with no explanation whatsoever. What does HE care if she’s wondering what happened? \o/ That’s why a lot of women end up with zero closure, which takes y’all longer to get over broken-up relationships than guys, who are mainly cool so long as some other chick they’re attracted to is available to them.

      Good Luck! :D

      Reply
37. Christine from Louisiana says:

    July 14, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Bill, I’ve moved beyond wondering how you have the fortitude to repeat your advice so many times w/in the same strand. I think it is clear that there are two camps. They are comprised of those who see, and those who have yet to wipe the grime from their eyes, for whatever reason.
    For those of us who see ( I, a neophyte!) the first paragraph you wrote is of course! what one extracts from the post as far as WHY Dude made all of the choices he did.
    I thought you’d address the “most men will not admit doing much less partaking in….” Please do, as damage control to guys thinking other guys “don’t.”
    Personally, after reading Carissa’s post, I thought a guy submitted it or it was a joke. More to ponder on my end!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      July 14, 2010 at 3:05 pm

      I know what you’re saying. I posted this a year and a half ago (January, 2009) and for the most part, the questions remain the exact same. Like I always say, women in general aren’t getting any smarter when it comes to The Game and y’all keep falling for the same simple tricks over and over.

      As far as guys admitting to or partaking in going down on chicks, I didn’t address that because it fell under the general category of “give her what she’s missing” for the easy lay.. Whether that’s sex, personality, humor, listening, understanding, respecting her.. Whatever.

      As far as guys thinking that other guys don’t do that, I don’t think we really consider that. I know I don’t. I couldn’t possibly care less what the next man does. It’s going to be effective or it isn’t. He’s going to get laid from it or he isn’t. They’re all just basic techniques for the toolbox.

      One thing I can say about that is that guys in general certainly don’t want to do MORE than they know the guys before them did. If a guy claims he went out with a chick and had sex with her after the first date, guys that hear that aren’t trying to take her on, say, SIX DATES before they get laid. The bar has already been set. If it turns out that the next guy claims the same gal blew him in the parking lot BEFORE the date, the bar’s set even lower. Unfortunately for women, this works whether they actually did the deeds or not. All it takes is for a guy to CLAIM they did and for other guys to take his word for it.

      Besides, hooking her up sexually is just as much of a game-changer as spending time with her when she’s drunk, if not more so. If you don’t have something in your arsenal to physically turn her on with before y’all even get undressed, it might be a tough row to ho to get to the main action. Therefore.. A guy claiming he doesn’t do this or that is really just saying that he’s willing to work harder in the playoffs because he’s not going all out during the regular season.

      Reply
38. Christine from Louisiana says:

    July 14, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    I’m still learning from you, about males. Your last response was one I had to slow down to fully absorb, while reading. It reminded me of Zoology II, memorizing facts about phylum, genus, species. Things I had never considered, but had to learn in order to pass the test!
    For example, I never would have come up with “guys in general certainly don’t want to do MORE than they know the guys before them did.” I think it is a touchstone for women to TRY to give more in all arenas than the previous woman purportedly gave. So, it’s foreign to me and I read it slowly in order to not miss anything and to fully grasp that it’s really true. Because I believe you know what you are talking about, Bill. I take your word. And, as I am light years more educated about men than the vast majority of the women I advise, I’m not sure WE are ever going to fully “get” it.
    While working in the fashion industry, internationally, I often lectured to large groups of buyers, sales managers and VP’s of retail chains, purveyors of luxury items. I learned that bringing it down to kindergarten level was the most effective- who would have thought? Making my hands form the letter L for Louisiana and using show and tell, I informed them in a way which stuck. Which was translatable, repeatable. The message intact.
    How much simpler can you make it?

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      July 14, 2010 at 6:28 pm

      Let me clarify, Christine. :)

      In this instance, there are two types of “doing”. Let’s call them Doing To Get On (DTGO) and Doing Because You Feel Like It (DBFL).

      DTGO is the time, energy & resources you have to expend to get the chick to lay down or whatever you want her to do.

      DBFL is what you’re referring to, the physical interaction part after you’ve assured the hookup.

      So what I’m saying is that I agree with you as far as DBFL. Guys want to do more than the guy purportedly did before them, thus making a good impression on her *IF* they intend on keeping the gal or they don’t care about her so much as they care about what she’s going to tell her friends, resulting in the guy pulling more chicks by unintentional recommendation.

      If he doesn’t care about her one way or the other, he’s going to do whatever he wants during DBFL, whether she gets off or not because who cares? \o/

      What I was talking about in my previous reply is DTGO. Let’s say a guy is known to have met a gal on Monday and he says he tapped that on Friday. The bar has been set for the amount of time, energy & resources he had to expend to get laid… Four days of time, several phone calls, a couple hundred bucks for several dinners/drinks = how much he had to do to get that.

      A guy who happens to know this isn’t going to want to take a whole month to get the same girl some other dude got in a week because he assumes there’s no reason she should front on him and not treat him the same way as the other guy.

      The extreme version of this would be one night stands. If a gal’s known to have ONS, there’s no reason to date her in order to have sex with her. You don’t want to have to do more than anybody else did in order to get the same thing they already (reportedly) got.

      That’s what I mean by “not do more”. It has nothing to do with physical interaction, yet everything to do with setting up the physical interaction.

      As far as the eating out part, I was saying that it’s a gimmick, a tool for the arsenal. It’s better than alcohol. A guy might not do it at all. A guy might do it because he feels like it. A guy might do it because he has a very good percentage chance of that putting her in the mood to give him what HE wants = a tactic.

      So, for guys to claim that they don’t (regardless of the truth), they’re making themselves look less well-equipped to pull a WIN out of any situation because they’re not willing to do whatever has to be done to achieve their desired outcome.

      The clearly smarter tactic (regardless of the truth) is for guys to *CLAIM* that they go down on women so they start to believe that and imagine him doing it to them… making his job much easier when it’s time to get her to perform in the way he wants her to.

      Reply
39. Christine from Louisiana says:

    July 14, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    Reading your insights is an initiation. Sometimes it startles me. Arrow sinks into heart of bull’s eye. And there is narration, the how and why.
    If my response is less than engaging and clever, it is because that is how I feel right now, in comparison (for a nanosecond!) You are incisive and brilliant. Full stop.

    Reply
40. Carissa says:

    July 14, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Well Bill tell me what you think this behavior was all about.

    After 5 days of NO communication, he finally decided to call last night. Not once, but 8 times with voicemail instructions on how to contact him. I was sleep but the next morning I called and he blamed his phone but conveniently flipped it on me and told me I was fake even though I reiterated time after time that I did try to communicate and he gave no responses. He hung up on me a few times and I called back and it was the same tone. Why is he playing games and trying to justify whatever he did that was wrong? Why did he even call??!!!

    Reply
41. Looking Desperate | Bill Cammack says:

    July 17, 2010 at 10:42 am

    [...] That’s not actually the problem. That’s the equivalent of women thinking that they got dumped after sex for giving it up too soon (especially on the first [...]

    Reply
42. frickinrite says:

    July 29, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    Yeah. I thot hookin back up with a “college/bible ” classmate and our situations being basically the same (abuse/severe cruelty / spouse turning to gay life) would be a sure fire match
    I couldnt have been more wrong! After a couple months and one bout of incredible sex and daily phone sex…upon returning from a roadtrip & unable to make contact for a few days…..NOTHING. Texted him, emailed him once each….NOTHING. Called him, he said he would call back. NOTHING.
    Crazy . I know Im a fantastic lover so I know it is not that. I asked him several times if he would feel guilty over this…he said no …and he would NEVER hurt me.
    WOW. Im still reveling in his rejection. He is absolutely NOTHING to look at or really charming at all, just an ole friend . shrugs. Men are strange

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      August 2, 2010 at 2:48 pm

      Let me get this straight… :)

      You met some dude in Bible Class and he tapped that before y’all got married and you thought it was gonna turn out sweet? :D

      It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong or odd. It seems like he found something better to do in one way or another.. The other person lives closer, is more available, more interested, whatever.

      As far as “would never hurt you”, that’s like standard issue. That’s right up there with “I love you” and “I promise not to c…” well.. you get the picture.

      Better Luck next time, however, when you meet people that claim to be following a set of rules and then they don’t follow those rules, expect that their word to you isn’t worth very much either.

      Reply
43. Des says:

    August 23, 2010 at 10:16 am

    You men are so funny. You all think you are such players! That you “tap that” and every woman wants a relationship or more from you. A bunch of insecure babies driven by your penises. I haven’t fallen in love with any of you yet. And you all just chase chase chase but don’t prove yourselves to be more special than the next guy. As far as I’m concerned if you men are all willing to give it up so easily, I’m not into it because a man-whore doesn’t make a good long term partner. Who knows what baggage/unknown children he has? It’s about time we flipped the switch on this bullshit. I don’t know where that beat up dick has been!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      August 23, 2010 at 10:26 am

      Hey “Des”. Thanks for the comment. :)

      Except for the fact that a “man-whore” doesn’t exist, I think you’re right on point.

      Guys are biologically predisposed to procreate with various females in order to assure genetic variety in the next generation. The concept of each guy only having one woman is a societal concept that a lot of guys don’t actually buy into but are willing to fake it to get y’all to drop your drawers.

      The best thing women can do is cultivate and maintain the best personalities so that when guys are finished playing the field and are looking for someone to settle down with, they select you instead of the next gal.

      Reply
    • Frank says:

      August 23, 2010 at 10:37 am

      I do believe that we have over several posting with several open minded females explained that we arent talking crap…we are just talking it the way men would in a locker room. Meaning that if you REALLY paid even a tiny ass bit of attention, you’d understand that this can be something some of you ladies can use going forward! Men are the retail stores, the dick is usually whats on sale… If you wanna buy proceed with caution. Just cause its in style doesnt mean that its your style. As for tapping that and breaking someone back, most women see sex as more of an emotional connection them men do. I never said MINE is soooooooooooooooooooo good you gonna get hooked, but i will remind you that just cause you threw some my way doesnt mean anything other than the POSSIBILITY exist that we can at some point maybe get serious. Men see the hunt, women tend to see the security. As for where my beat up dick has been, why would you assume that those males that have seen you havent asked where has your scraggly beat up pussy been?? Without actually knowing you thats kind of childish of any guy to say about you…childish! just pointing that out!

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        August 23, 2010 at 10:41 am

        “Just because it’s *IN* style doesn’t mean that it’s *YOUR* style”!

        BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

        * Singing “Tellll it liiiike it iiiiiiiis…” :D *

        Reply
44. Christine says:

    August 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Great response and analogy Frank. Your rapier is swift and accurate! I like the retail store visuals. :D
    Since Des has NEVER experienced sex that was potent enough to cause her to fall in love with a man, she doesn’t have a dog in this race and is, IMO, not qualified to interpret men or judge these posts. She hasn’t a clue. Her loss. Men are marvellous. Even more marvellous once we learn how to handle them by first freeing ourselves from stale concepts which limit and hinder us. This site gives women the tools to do just that. Thanks guys!!!

    Reply
    • Frank says:

      August 26, 2010 at 9:51 am

      Thank You! I know it comes across as funny but Im being dead serious… again, to use the retail analogy, our differences are subtle BUT obvious. Woman are looking to post a “Going Out Of Business” sign on themselves and whatever guy they cop feelings for, Men? We are usually hanging up the “Going Out For Business” sign, meaning that yes we are still open and actively looking for shoppers. The better business bureau (women) might put us on public blast BUT there will still be consumers (more women) who wanna shop! Instead of getting offended that I actually had the nerve to write that, more women need to accept where the market is going and act accordingly!

      Reply
45. june says:

    August 31, 2010 at 8:39 am

    I just have some questions. If guys say that they are hard wired to sow their seed in as many women as possible, how come they don’t like it when they get someone pregnant or they use condomes so they don’t get someone pregnant?
    When does the caveman make an exit and the modern, thinking man take over? It must be so convenient to just bounce from one to the other whenever it suits.
    Would I like to be a male and just think or not think when it suited me? No way! I like being a decent human being who cares how their actions affect others. It’s sad to see how this site seems highlight the relationship between men and women as some kind of game where the innocent are expected to be savy and the wicked can justify their actions by survival of the fittest. It’s even sadder when it’s coming from a black man who seems to have forgotten that slavery came out of such attitudes. It seems like women are just being treated like a commodity and there’s some kind of market in human flesh. Sorry man but I am just so sad for human kind when I see some of the comments here.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      August 31, 2010 at 10:58 am

      Hey June. :) I appreciate your comments and will try to address all of them.

      First of all, slavery wasn’t created for black people. Do some reading http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery:

      Evidence of slavery predates written records, and has existed in many cultures.[11] Slavery is rare among hunter–gatherer populations, as slavery is a system of social stratification. Mass slavery also requires economic surpluses and a high population density to be viable. Due to these factors, the practice of slavery would have only proliferated after the invention of agriculture during the Neolithic revolution about 11,000 years ago.[12] The earliest records of slavery can be traced to the Code of Hammurabi (ca. 1760 BC), and the Bible refers to it as an established institution.[13]

      So.. Whether I’m black or not has nothing to do with whether I should be concerned with the attitudes that produced slavery because all kinds of people have been slaves at some point in history.

      The reason why guys use condoms to avoid pregnancy is that this society is an overlay which covers basic, natural society. There are rules and laws that we have to abide by in order to remain members of overlaid society. This means that if we steal something from someone else, we go to jail. If we have a kid with a chick, we’re liable for child support. If laws like that weren’t in place, you would see much less condom use in the same way that you see much less theft because people are afraid of being caught and going to jail.

      The reason why guys are upset when women get pregnant is because they weren’t having sex with them to make kids. They were having sex with them for fun and recreation and they got caught slippin’ and she got pregnant by accident. It’s like when you’re playing baseball and a kid hits the ball through a neighbor’s window and you have to pay for it. You’re going to be upset. You were playing baseball to have fun, not to break people’s windows, and now you’re liable.

      You ask an excellent question as far as where the caveman exits and the thinking man takes over. Clearly, that’s at varying points, according to the indivudual. It’s very convenient, as you point out, to bounce from one to the other, which is why women need to stop saying that men are dogs and stop accepting sex rehab as a sign that they’ve fixed men that were doing what they wanted to do when they cheated on you in the first place.

      I think the crossover is dictated by necessity. The less civilized a guy can get away with being, the less he’ll bother with it. Overall, I agree with you that it either needs to be stated that the guy can’t help himself and is a caveman or that he made a decision of his own free will when he did what he did. It’s up to the woman whether she wants to date someone that can’t control himself OR that deliberately does what she requests for him not to do.

      The reason I highlight relationships as a game is because they are. Whether you choose to recognize that or not and get hip to the game is up to you. :) All I’m saying is that the innocent are easily trampled by those of us that know what we’re doing and it’s in your best interests to WAKE UP and see people who are trying to manipulate you so you can make educated decisions sooner rather than later in your relationships.

      Closing your eyes doesn’t stop ME from seeing. It stops YOU from seeing.

      You’re right that Survival Of The Fittest is the fact of the matter. The better guys get the better women. Your not liking that fact doesn’t make it any less true.

      Women are definitely being treated as a commodity and there is definitely a market in human flesh. Look up “pornography” and “prostitution”. Again.. You may not like the facts, but they persist.

      No need to be sorry, June. :) I appreciate your comments and I think you SHOULD be upset that people think this way because that means that you’ve recognized it and you’ll be less likely in the future to get caught slippin’ by guys that attempt to use you like a commodity.

      Cheers! :D

      Reply
46. Steve says:

    August 31, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Hi June, I think an appropriate simplification would be that there is an understanding that we are built to reproduce and there’s a whole lot of hardwired behavior on both sides to support that effort. I think a lot of folks can pull off being a “decent human being” (not sure exactly what that means to you, June) while also being a man or woman. But there’s still going to be conflict, internally and externally, when our selfish desires come into play. Some folks, on both sides, throw their hands up in the air and let it all hang out. A good example would be a woman saying she’s looking for her prince charming. If that’s not a statement of need then nothing is. It’s just a security related need instead of sexual. Sexual I get, a need for a sense of security from someone other than me sounds pretty alien, but there doesn’t seem much point in telling women how to be my idea of a “modern woman” – which I’m sure would really sound like they need to be more like a man. Much like many women’s statements about “switching off caveman thinking” (this expression comes up a lot in a variety of forums) is really a call for men to be more like women in how we behave. Men and women are different and we think about this differently. And not much of that is what could be termed proper, higher mind, thinking. We have desires then we attach logic to them to support them and be able to communicate them. Let’s recognize that.

    By the way, making other folks conform to how we think they should be is at the root of stereotyping and core of slavery, just want to point that out. It’s something people do in an effort to make the world easier to navigate, for themselves. Also slavery is a cheap labor force that never leaves – that’ the crux of the whole problem, attitudes just serve to support the perceived need for it…

    But yeah, there are some guys that are a lot too much like predators who will exploit women’s fantasies and there are women that are a lot too much like victims because they cling even tighter to their fantasies in the face of the truth.

    I’m not going to speak for Bill but it’s kinda harsh to say he’s forgetfully promoting slavery and prostitution.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      August 31, 2010 at 11:05 am

      The “Prince Charming” factor is what jacks up a lot of women’s lives.

      The whole idea is for her to sell out to the guy that gives her the most stuff. Meanwhile.. Guys know this already and fake like they’re going to give women stuff to get them to lay down and do the right thing.

      This is why women need to be aware of game. If they don’t understand that guys are LYING TO THEM in order to get them to GIVE IT UP, they’re going to take guys’ word and then end up feeling used when they figure out what happened to them.

      Unfortunately, when you try to use people to get money, they’re usually using you at the same time, whether you recognize it or not and whether you like it or not.

      As far as prostitution, some people see it as an advantage that women have that they can spread their legs and get money simply because guys want to use their bodies. I’m sure that comes in handy in this jacked-up economy.

      Reply
      • Callie says:

        March 18, 2011 at 11:20 pm

        A tangent but I wanted to to throw a spin on something…. you pay a cook to cook your food, you pay a house keeper to clean your house, you pay a baby sitter to take care of your kid… and as such you pay a prostitute to, um, take care of you… As I see it she’s not selling “herself,” “her body,” or “her soul.” She’s selling a service… a service that is always in demand.

        Remember that old saying “why buy the cow”… doesn’t work when the market is flooded with other cows offering free milk. I would say as women we need to stop worrying about the ever dropping price of milk and start focusing on the value of the cow. What makes you [impersonal reference] so different that you stand out from all the other cows that you’ll be worth all the extra upkeep that comes with cow ownership? Harsh and crude, but that’s just the way that I see it.

        Reply
        • Bill Cammack says:

          March 24, 2011 at 5:26 am

          I agree with that entirely, Callie.

          Prostitution is one of those weird things. Chicks can give it away for free, but they can’t charge for it. \o/

          It’s clearly the bartering system. I need milk from your cow. You need eggs from my hen. Let’s trade. I don’t personally believe that the giving of bodies or souls has anything to do with sex, paid-for or otherwise… That’s a construct that society’s brainwashed people with and they took the ball and ran with it.

          Reply
47. Christine says:

    August 31, 2010 at 11:53 am

    June writes, “this site seems to highlight the relationship between men and women as some kind of game where the innocent are expected to be savvy….”
    It IS a game, June. It would be in the innocents best interest to move toward savvydom, but most people don’t care whether they (innocents) do or not. It is certainly not expected. Collectively speaking, I hope women begin to get it. I see it as an individual’s responsibility to grow. And, this site offers a WAY to do just that. Keep reading. Enlightenment may follow. It’s the lift a finger method, but if you are willing to consider the truth in this body of work you just might shift your perspective and end up happier and more fulfilled. On many levels. I read and read these posts and comments, and, frankly had some resistance and even found a couple of diatribes abrasive. But something slowly began to seep in. There is a paradigm shift afoot. It is built on more honesty and awareness. It doesn’t take away the pretty story or make one’s heart less open. It points to a new way of being which seems scary at first but is, actually, the way through. Maybe attachment and attendant OCB over attachment is a neural pathway which is becoming vestigial.
    Keep reading with an open mind, and see what happens. It just might surprise you!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      August 31, 2010 at 1:03 pm

      See, the problem with the response “I don’t believe relationships are a game” is that it doesn’t PROVE that relationships are NOT a game.

      A proper argument would begin with “Here are the factual reasons why I can assure you that relationships are not a game”. Instead, comments that disagree with my points are usually “I don’t like what you said” or “I don’t like it that people think that way”, neither of which is relevant.

      The fact of the matter is that if it IS a game and you refuse to see it that way, I win and you lose. If it isn’t a game, we both win because I’m prepared for situations that don’t exist.. such as women using men for money and women using men to get pregnant and men using women for sex.

      Not seeing the light doesn’t mean you’re not standing IN the light.

      Reply
48. Christine says:

    September 1, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    What do hunters hunt? Game. Animals they bag are referred to as game. And guess what? If you are in the spotlight, being hunted, you can’t see a thing. Hunter 1 Hunted 0. It’s all about the game.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 1, 2010 at 5:32 pm

      Interestingly enough.. Even if you’re NOT being gamed, the only way to know for sure is that you’re HIP to the game and you can tell from your personal experience and understanding that this person is on the up-and-up.

      If you refuse to recognize the game, you have no defense.

      Reply
      • Callie says:

        March 18, 2011 at 11:28 pm

        I would like to add that when you are hip to the game, it’s more fun for BOTH!! Trust me! lol. We women just need to admit it to ourselves that we like it just as much as men do. (unless we are insecure about our abilities in the game… just speaking the truth from a female perspective)

        Reply
        • Bill Cammack says:

          March 24, 2011 at 5:28 am

          That’s part of the whole point to my dating blogging, Callie.

          It’s extremely boring, knowing that women give it up for the dumbest reasons that have nothing to do with reality.

          You don’t give a flying **** about her, but you say “I love you” and her panties hit the floor.

          You love her, demonstrate that through your actions, but don’t say it, and she fronts on you.

          There’s no reason not to lie to women merely to accelerate the process. *YAWN*

          Reply
49. Christine says:

    September 1, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    If you refuse to recognize the game, you are bound to be Duped!

    Reply
50. Alison says:

    September 2, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    I met a player on a relationship dating site which I thought would be “safer”..NOT!!! He worked for a professional sports team which I googled and found out he was legit (he wasn’t a professional athlete). I went on 3 dates with him. On the first date, I met him at his apt and then went out for drinks. We got along great, thought there was chemistry, he was interesting, smart, and funny. On the 2nd date, same thing, we got along great, we kissed, but no sex. On the 3rd date, he met me at my apt and then we went out for drinks. He promised me tickets to a game, a weekend trip, dinner, another date, etc. He put my birthday in his phone….all these nice little things that I thought was cute at the time. I actually was contemplating on going on the trip with this virtual stranger, he was that smooth….We came back to my place and he tried to sleep with me but I said that I wasn’t ready and I told him I wanted to make sure I was the only one (meaning a commitment from him) It seemed like he respected it. 2 days later we texted a few times, but when it came down to the day I was suppose to go to the professional sporting event, the asshole never got back to me. I thank god I never slept with him and I found out sooner rather then later. There were some signs that he was a player, the smiley faces when he texted, the fact that he would call me babe!! I hope other women will recognize these signs.. I think he follows the 3 date rule….The weird thing is if he just kept up his act maybe another 3 or 4 weeks, I might have slept with him…Some men are so stupid and they let there ego’s get in the way of there goal.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 4, 2010 at 7:55 am

      Hey Alison. :)

      Seems like you did the right thing for yourself. You wanted him to lie to you and tell you you were the only one. He refused to do that and bounced.

      All the stuff he was offering you was the perks of a chick he was hooking up with. Since you decided not to do that, he decided not to give you any presents. It’s typical. In fact, he might never have intended to give them to you anyway. That might be his usual M.O. for getting laid.

      The other thing you have to consider is that he might have met a gal that was willing to have sex with him during the time you were stalling him. When that happens, all bets are off. The chick he’s hooking up with goes to the top of the pyramid and you lose any position you used to have.

      Guys don’t generally date gals singularly. We date as many chicks as we can get our hands on at the time. Whichever one is the best one to hang out with gets our attention & whatever perks come with it. There was really no reason for him to wait another 3-4 weeks to hook up with you because in that amount of time, he could have bagged 2-3 chicks that he hadn’t even met yet.

      His goal wasn’t to date YOU, but rather to have sex. It looks like once he figured out it was going to be a hassle to get on, he bounced.

      Having said that, I agree with you that guys need to stay in the pocket instead of vanishing into thin air and letting gals know that they’re worthless to the guys other than for sex. It’s kind of funny how you normally see what a relationship was REALLY about when it ends and by HOW it ends. o_O

      Reply
      • Alison says:

        September 8, 2010 at 10:19 am

        Well Bill, it seemed that the tables have turned. It turns out he did give me the tickets after all….and suggested that i go on an overnight road trip with him in a few weeks. It would be nice to be able to spend more time with him and get to know him better because he is really busy with work right now so I am contemplating on going. But it also looks like to me that he is hoping to get lucky. Maybe he wants a little of both.

        Reply
        • Bill Cammack says:

          September 8, 2010 at 10:41 am

          Good for you, Alison! :D I hope everything works out for the best for you.

          Also.. Props To You for coming back on the site and clearing dude’s “name”! :D

          Cheers!

          Reply
          • Steve says:

            September 8, 2010 at 11:21 am

            Hi Allison,
            Exactly how did this guy come back into the picture? Didn’t he ghost on you when you were supposed to be going to a game? How long did it take to hear from him again after that?

            Reply
            • Alison says:

              September 9, 2010 at 10:36 am

              Thanks bill.. Steve, Well, he ghosted me for 2.5days. I called him twice and texted him in the am of game day. He finally texted me at 5:00 (game starts at 8) He said no??? then i texted him back.. no what…he said..are you coming, i texted you earlier at noon. I never got it! But it all worked out i guess..i know he’s swapped at work right now but still why do guys just “dissapper” It takes 2 seconds to send a text. I know you people need your space, or do you just try and play it cool??

              He is now away on business and i haven’t heard from him for 3 days..I haven’t contacted him either!!! i’m just waiting to see what he is does He did invite me to go back to the same place he is now on business in a couple of week with him. So, i guess eventually he will get in touch with me but still ghosting me for 3 days just doesn’t work with me.

              Reply
            • Bill Cammack says:

              September 9, 2010 at 10:49 am

              We disappear because we can. :) Period.

              The next time we call, text or run into the chick IRL, she’s going to be interested in spending time with us or she isn’t. If she isn’t, it doesn’t matter because we have more girls already or else we’d be paying more attention to the ONE girl we have, for fear of losing her and becoming empty-handed.

              As far as the texting, I’ve had that happen to me also where texts disappear, so that may or may not be a technical issue from the cellphone carriers. \o/

              What you’re asking reminds me of the “Real World: New Orleans” I just watched where this chick’s boyfriend was in town and she asked him not to get overly drunk because she was singing that night and wanted him to be there COHERENT, in order to cheer her on.

              Dude didn’t even nod “yes” to her, hahaha He just kept on drinking until he was a dribbling, drooling, phone-smashing buffoon who totally embarrassed her and made her upset.

              Why did he do that?… Because he FELT LIKE IT, and according to what his homeboy said on camera “Dude gets more ass than a toilet seat”, so as long as the chick was still going to have sex with him, he had no incentive to do ANYTHING she asked him to do or to follow any of her rules.

              As far as your guy being away for business for three days, there’s no reason for him to call you because he can’t come over and spend time with you IRL. :D

              Reply
51. Marian Awor says:

    September 4, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    Hi Bill,
    Ok before i get started,this is my 3th comments on your article, plus all the guys here have been giving their good feedback..enjoy reading on it because its give me a new info,idea and most important is making me slowly to understand what is really guys want to their girlfriend and ends with married.

    As i said in my earlier comment, seeking advice from female friend on guy problems only wasted my limited time due to my busiest jobs. But when a guy writing, their hand writing cannot be translated or found in vocabulary books. Its true, firms, the real men attitudes, character. each one have different life experience and that we women cannot denied on it.

    1st: i dont understand some hipocrete (same as ladies too), egoistic, arrogant and so on..in related bad attitudes is the one who is really want to marry you? seriously with you!! but not the other opposite guy.

    2nd:please be honest guys, I am asking you again and again, Is that sex really important during first date?

    3th: less attractive men over react/show up than attractives.

    thanks bill, will be more after these.

    regards,
    Marian

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 6, 2010 at 4:12 pm

      Asking women for advice on what men are going to do is generally a waste of time because our minds don’t work the same way. It’s like asking someone who’s never been drunk how it feels when you drink alcohol. They can guess, but they can’t really tell you because they’ve never experienced it.

      Sex isn’t important at all during the first date. The only problem for women is that if you fail to give it up on date #1 and then he meets another gal that wants to hook up with him before he takes you out again, you might never hear from him again. :D

      There’s no reason for ANYONE to do anything they’re not comfortable with during dating. Y’all just have to recognize that whatever you’re not doing, someone else will, so the longer you stall, the more you’re making it easy for the next gal to steal your man out from under your nose.

      I don’t really understand the third question, but I’ll say that less attractive guys have to try harder to please women because they’re starting out with a disadvantage. They get fewer opportunities to hook up, so they have to make the most of that. Also, attractive people meet potential boyfriends or girlfriends every single day. It’s no big deal to them and they can dump you at the drop of a hat because there are so many people waiting in line to hook up with them. Less attractive people are usually way more grateful when someone wants to spend time with them.

      Reply
52. Marian Awor says:

    September 9, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    Thanks Bill for your comments.
    As we were still discussion on these post, i would like to raise up this issue again. My jobs has made me knowing a lots of new things and opportunities in and surrounding me.

    But the fact is i have lesser knowledge on men b’cos all this while, after i have broke my engagement in the past 3 yrs, i have no attention to know more about attitudes and character on the men i have date. For me, it is simple. If he is interested on me, than he will call me again and take me out. If not, i dont care without hurt feeling or sad being left-out of him. What i feel is hardly for me to find a man who is really love and care of me like my ex-fiancee’(we both agree to break our relationship b’cos interfearance and too complicated sensitive matters raise by our parents..!

    I started date with a man again at the end of last year during christmas eve*. With his blue eye’,a british guy working in a oils and gas company in Brunei, a neirbouring country of Borneo Island (Sarawak). He smile and i smile too, and than he come to my table..we start our coversation from Jobs to life, and than get into relationship.

    Bill, Do you think it is not the right time to start any conversation with a man when we date him, i told him about my jobs (aqs he asked me) and i also reveal that i do engage before. He asked me again, why do you didnt get married with him?, i reply: well, it is too complicated for me to explain it b’cos when both parents interfear relationship and made they were not happy, ..that it! I stop here.

    While our conversation go on, he offer to buy my drink although i said, i have mine, and he insist me again. I have no choice. The time is a2.30am and i told him, i need to back as early morning get up early-assignment! he was following me, and i feel so strange but than he told me that, he is really interested to know me well.

    I said, this is not the right time (i know what he want. he want me to accompany him-i guest one night stand)..than he just smile at me and said, Baby..i know what are you thinking of on me!! than we both smile..nothing happen that night.

    1 month later, we met again (i have to travel to other state’s becos i needs to do my special reports on poverty. Than, he told me, that he is missing on me! You guest, i dont believes what he said! Also that night, nothing happen!!

    Now, my question is i let him go with other women. He said, “You dumped me because you do not have feeling me, right? If you are not interested on me, why dont you refuse me and tell me in the beginning? And now,…(deep in my heart, i like him very much and i do love him.

    Why i reject him? I feel useless. No confidence. No trust! I think you understand why i feel so down, lonely, no special boyfriend..what i know everyday..i spend most of my time working 7 days a week..no off-day except if i request.

    That why Bill, (the guy promise to pay my room) is i am trying to give myself another chance again but still until today. What should i do Bill!! There is a lots of men there but i have no interest on them!! I need your advised.

    Thanks,
    Marian

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 10, 2010 at 5:27 pm

      When you first start dating is the BEST time to have conversations with people and they should continue throughout so y’all get to know and understand each other.

      Culturally, “My parents didn’t like [whatever] so I broke up with my significant other” makes sense in some societies and not in others. I wrote about that in http://billcammack.com/2009/10/13/big-city-dating-meet-the-parents/ .. The fact that someone else has ANY say over what some other grown-ass adult does is an instant turn-off to some guys.

      Obviously, it works in the other direction as well… Lack of respect for what parents think is an instant turn-off to some guys as well.

      You rejected him because you felt you had to. Go read http://billcammack.com/2008/11/18/sluts-whores/ .. Unfortunately for you, you have a lot of external forces dictating what you do and whom you do it with. If you can’t relieve yourself of that pressure, you’re going to have to keep going with the flow and receive whatever life gives you that’s within the boundaries of the limitations you’ve accepted in your life…

      Reply
53. Christine says:

    September 9, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    Marian,
    It sounds as if you are learning from this site, and applying the knowledge. You knew dude wanted to get on when he offered to buy you another drink!
    You want Bill’s advice but it isn’t really dating advice you seek, is it? You were very close with your ex fiance and you do not feel open to beginning another relationship. You do not want it to be just about sex, you want it to involve what women refer to as “meaningful” sex. Yet the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough for the sex to feel meaningful is something you resist, possibly because of unfinished business with your ex or feeling that you are still in love with him.
    You try dating this guy, you just aren’t that into him, he turns to other women and blames you for not having feelings for him and for not being fully in the relationship.
    You rejected him and you want someone to tell you why. You answer all of your questions your self. Because you feel useless and have no confidence. No trust! You have no special boyfriend as a result of that, which leaves you feeling down and lonely with only work occupying your time. Your words.
    The change must begin within. I don’t think you are ready for a relationship. I think without work on yourself in this window of opportunity you will either repeat the cycle of trying a guy out and dumping him to reinforce your misery, or you might get involved with someone unattainable (due to familial influence, etc.,) or with someone who simply isn’t right for you.
    Do things outside of work which stimulate you and/or which fall in the category of self improvement. Work out, run, do yoga, study art history, join a group critiquing films, volunteer at an animal shelter, whatever.
    Obviously you have what it takes to be in a relationship. You’ve done it. And guys are still hitting on you. Like Bill says, just go outside!
    Live your life and I guarantee a guy will cross your path who will knock your…socks off!
    When he does, you’ll know how to handle him because you’ve paid attention to the advice on this site. Until then, you do you! A relationship is inevitable. We aren’t the hunters, we just get to say yes or no!
    Good Luck!!!

    Reply
54. Marian Awor says:

    September 10, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Thanks Christine. Nice to know you in this site. You were right!. I should not be too selfish and bring along all my past memories with my ex!

    In fact Christine, i do try many times to date with a guy but yet..still, i dumped them in the way of my busiet works (the best reason) so that i would not be blamed from being ignoring them or spending time with him). You see! How cruel i were!!

    I was thinking on your writing, and i’m so glad to know Bill site without keeping alone to myself. Telling closed friends sometime its become a joke or fun to them when i said, i have no special man.

    Yeah, I should be. But when it turn (between woman to woman meeting), dont you think we women are always be the victim of our feeling just because we’re really love our man so much. We think we will never met any guy like him? Why are we women always comparing other guy that we do not know well with our ex-! Its seem may not for other women but for me, the most hardest thing i have to govern is the heart!

    I still maintain my daily interests like going out to pub, having drinks, have fun and dancing with my friends during week ends,..and i also noted some spotted eye., but i let them go to other women..sometime i heard some bad words from this guy..ignoring him is the best i can do.

    I know Christine and i also realise, i have made many mistakes and hurts many feeling. That why, If i found Bill site sooner (maybe 2 yrs ago) i may not being controlled by my own feeling.

    Anyway, thanks for your somments Christine, and i take it as a compliment to myself. I know what to do after this..sharing experiences in relationship has made me really like this post, and most of this sites posts including all feedbacks seen here.

    Thanks again Christine.

    regards,
    Marian

    Reply
55. Christine says:

    September 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    You are very genuine, Marian. I’m glad we can all help each other. You wrote, “the most hardest thing i have to govern is the heart!” This brand of suffering is something specific to women, IMO. Pascal said “The heart has its reasons, wherof reason knows nothing.” I take this to mean that it is impossible to govern the heart. So, why try? Use your brain to better understand why men say and do the things they do. Use your heart to keep yourself vulnerable and open and filled with beauty in a way that might appear stupid to reason.
    I always say “suffering gets a bad rap.” You are suffering. Your suffering led you to this site. Your suffering is growing you as a person. And love will come a knockin’ when you least expect it, and you will once again be baptized in it. Best stop with the flowery stuff and turn the wheel over to the inimitable Bill Cammack.
    Great things will happen, Marian!!!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 10, 2010 at 5:35 pm

      I think Christine brings up a good point that you might not be over your ex-boyfriend.

      “We’re not together because our parents didn’t want us to be together” isn’t going to provide closure for you.. You’re not going to feel satisfied with the outcome of that relationship.

      You may also have another problem, which is an internal conflict with your culture’s concepts.

      You may also know in the back of your mind that any guy that you hook up with has to meet your parent’s standards or else they’re going to veto that relationship as well and you have to start all over from scratch.

      What you need to do at this point is decide whether you want to be in a relationship or not and then decide whether you’re going to make your own decisions about whom you date and for how long.

      Reply
56. Marian Awor says:

    September 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    Thanks..
    Christine & Bill,

    Wow!! i have missed most of your new repost recently. My busiest jobs cannot be delayed even less in a second.

    No woman will say ‘no’ if the guy she fall with is asking her to take her out for date! I should be called “a great pretender” if i said, ‘no’. In reality, women are always want to be love and love by a man she love.

    You’re right Bill. That is the main point here i should be taking care of now. I need to prepare and strengthen my weaknesses. As i told you earlire Christine, the hardest thing to govern is the heart. It is oo ridiculous! But that is me. That is the genuine of me, neither others.

    I always told my friends even for new comer friends while meeting, (it is easy to know me in general than in a particular)

    Yes, it is true! Cultures will bring a good things at once time. But cultures also yet to be determinded if the committment is yours! Two things done in one job will be confusing and make easily headache, which one is to be priority first!

    Same thing with me(not all women are). I remember politicians, when the general election is just around the corner bosses who are reluctant or reject your invitation for TV News ‘Live’ interview or to get their soundbites *to proofs your facts)suddenly ‘Sorry bla…bla..bla…unreasonable’ no matter what. Those who are not in the media mainstream, will get a culture shock. Politicans knows to win his onstituency back, they must maintain a good relationship with the most powerful in the world is a pen and a paper. Just only one straight line, these pen can destroyed his dream to become Prime Minister.

    But i failed being a woman to let been controlled by my own feeling. I have always giving myself many time chances. Yet, not strong enough to face it.

    I know and i realise that for how long i could be alone without someone who love you, care of you, be with you during your sadness, hardtime and sharing your acheivement? Year 2010 i should have but i waste 3 yrs ago just to fit others desires.

    This is my life and i should be the one who decide of! I have clear discussion with my parent recently and he promise not to interfear on my relationship in future. I feel relieves now.

    Anyway, thanks again Christine & Bill,,for giving me such a worth knowledgeable life experiences that were couldn’t be find anywhere but here!

    regards,

    Reply
    • Lala says:

      September 13, 2010 at 5:52 am

      Hi Bill,

      I unfortunately have fallen victim to this horrible occurance. Just want to start out by saying that I currently just got out of a 6 year relationship/engagement. Needless to say, the last time I was single was when I was 20 years old and boy, have the rules changed since then. So, as I enter the dating world again, I feel as if I am a native to this indigenous world. I start seeing the world in a different “singles” view again and I almost felt like its a prey-hunt season in the singles world. I felt really bold at one time and was enjoying being single again and met this guy at a bar (believe me…I know now) Anyway, so this guy who I met a bar seemed really nice and charming. He was very persistent always texting and calling every minute of the day. Again, being naive as I was, I totally fell for it. Our calling/texting lasted a few weeks until we decide to meet at a bar for drinks. During the weeks of our phone convos, sexual inuendos would arise and I would reply with something sexy but not over the top. I do want to add that during these phone convos, he would always invite me over, I made it clear to him that he would need to get to know me better first before I do “come over” which he replied with, “thats fine”. So back to meeting him at the bar again..I had a few too many to drink and like Jamie said, Blame it on the alcohol…I ended back at his place. The setting was awesome. Candles everywhere, Slow jams on, and not to mention, mirrors on the ceiling (I really should have bailed at this point) but hey, I felt very liberated and this man was sexy as hell. Before the action started, we had a small talk, he just got out of a 4 yr relationship and I did as well..we’re both not looking for anything serious…I told him the usual “I dont do this kinda thing” which is REALLY the truth. Besides this guy, Ive only been with 3 other guys and they were all my long term BFs. Anyway, the sex was ok. I couldnt really enjoy myself because it was so different being with a different man, especially being with the same person for 7yrs. I mean, I love sex and I consider myself as a very sexual person and was always adventerous to try new things in bed with my ex. But this time was different. I didnt think it was horrible but I really didnt let myself go like I usually do. So, after the deed was done, I did the unthinkable and stayed the night (he asked me to) and I didnt want to really feel like a hooker by just leaving after. So the next morning comes and as being sober and clear headed, you would think, I would be more rational but well…im sorry to say this but it gets worse we did the deed…but it was unprotected..(I know…Ive slapped myself already) Anyway, he didnt cum inside (no excuse, I know) but we quickly dressed after as he had to go to work and I was so ashame of myself, I could barely look at him in the eye. We left by hugging and I said “bye, call me later” he replied with, “ok, I will” SO, later that day, I get together with my girlfriends and shared the experience. I was so concerned with the unprotected sex that i quickly wanted to phone him and ask the last time he got tested. I work in the medical field so Im always being tested. I just didnt want to call and ask straight up, “hey, so when was the last time you got tested” so instead my friend had this wonderful idea to casually text him to tell him that I had a great time last nite. SO, stupid me did, and he never replied…EVER. I have not heard from this guy since that night, and lets just say that it has been over 30 days so dont say that maybe its just too soon. ~ I cant help but feel used and ashamed. As days, weeks pass I pay for the mistake I made. FYI, I got the Plan B as well as well as saw my doc for all the necessary testing immediately. ~ So Bill, what happened there? Was it me? Was it him? Was it the morning after text? WTF was it? I read ur above posts and no, I wasnt the talker/screamer any of that. Again, the sex was alrite, the morning sex was better, actually, I enjoyed that one. Anyway, what happened? I hate this single life. My single friends are so immune to this that they dont think its a biggie. I for myself feel very ashamed, used and dirty. So WTF happened and how do i better cruise the singles life and prevent from this happening again, cus really from this experience, I am about to vow myself to celibacy….

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        September 22, 2010 at 9:03 am

        Hey Lala. Thanks for the comment! :D

        There is no “I almost felt like its a prey-hunt season in the singles world”… It’s ALWAYS prey-hunt season in the singles world.

        The reason it’s “fine” to “get to know you better” (which guys don’t care about at all) before having you come over is that if you come over before that, you’re going to be purposefully useless. Guys have to deal with this all the time. Women don’t feel like giving it up… until they DO feel like giving it up. When they feel like it, it’s easy to get. When they don’t, lots of work has to be put in. Some guys like the work. Some guys like the “Ease of Use”. :D

        “I felt very liberated and this man was sexy as hell”

        You *ARE* liberated… kind of. The reason you’re not fully liberated is that you’re feeling guilty about doing what you obviously wanted to do, which was hook up with a guy that turns you on and makes you FEEL LIKE HOOKING UP. If you were actually liberated, you would do things you enjoy and you would enjoy what you do and feel great about it after the fact.

        the sex was ok. I couldnt really enjoy myself because it was so different being with a different man

        For women, having sex with “The One” is different from having sex with a guy that ‘just’ turns them on and makes them feel sexual. Sure, it was physically different, but it was also emotionally different, which goes a loooooong way with women.

        Staying the night isn’t “unthinkable”. There you go limiting yourself again.

        I didnt want to really feel like a hooker by just leaving after

        First of all.. Hookers actually GET PAID for having sex, so I don’t understand how ‘regular’ women can compare themselves to working professionals.

        Second… You need to examine where you got all these inceptions about staying over, leaving quickly, not hooking up until you “get to know” someone… Your efficiency in life is being sapped by these games you’re playing with yourself.

        I’m glad you got on again in the morning, but “C’MON, SUNN :/” about the lack of STD protection *AND* birth control. This is actually another issue that women have after coming out of LTRs where they weren’t used to using condoms.

        While you’re at it.. Go Google “Pre-Ejaculatory Secretion”.

        Besides the lack of protection, what exactly were you ashamed about for getting laid twice? o_O

        Testing is useless. Asking someone when they got tested after the fact is too damned late. First of all, symptoms don’t appear immediately. Second, he doesn’t have to tell you the truth. Third, the day after someone gets tested and comes up clean, they could go out and hook up with a chick that has something just as effortlessly as this guy hooked up with you, so the test is only as relevant as the day he took it, Capisce?

        Testing only TELLS YOU whether you’re going to die or not. It doesn’t PREVENT it.

        As far as your not receiving a reply to your text, apparently, dude Hit It & Quit It. It happens. A LOT. :D .. What do you feel ashamed about? You got laid too. \o/

        “What Happened” is that just like I say in every single post, guys want to get laid. We’ll sit back and let y’all females play games with yourselves until you give it up. None of it matters to us. We don’t want to get to know you. We don’t care what you do for a living. We don’t care how your day was. We either want to hook up with you or we don’t. We have zero girls, one girl or several girls. Whatever one of y’all isn’t doing, the other one is. It’s really not any more complicated than that.

        From what you wrote, I feel like dude let you go “blah blah blah blah blah” until you finally gave it up, which is what he had been waiting for and then for whatever his reasoning is, he doesn’t feel like tappin’ that again, so he can act like you don’t even exist.

        More importantly.. You’re starting to realize that you jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. You’ve been out of the game for six years, while guys like him have been doing exactly what he just did to you for the entire six years you were only with one dude. You’re swimming with the sharks.

        Eventually, you’re going to understand that guys can have sex with women we don’t care about, like or respect. You have to step to the situation like “I’mma get MINEZ and have a good time” or else you’re going to be kicking yourself like you are right now that you weren’t able to get this guy to call you back. WHO CARES if he calls you back? o_O You got laid… TWICE! :D

        If that’s not what you’re in it for, I suggest you forego casual sex altogether.

        The single life is hatable for people that don’t love the freedom & opportunity of it.

        Your immune friends are right. Nothing you posted right here is a big deal. There are women that have gotten pregnant because they got Pumped & Dumped. There are women whose bank accounts have been siphoned by guys who claimed to love them and knew that this SUCKER was going to fall for the sweet talk hook, line & sinker. You went to his crib to get laid. You got laid. You need to figure out why you feel ashamed about doing what *YOU* elected to do and succeeded in doing.

        How do you prevent this from happening again?.. You can’t. You (and neither do I, and neither does anyone else) don’t have *ANY* control over what another human being elects to do. Guys that want to date you long term are going to say the same things to you as guys that want to smash it one night and never talk to you again.

        There’s nothing you can do about it. We know what you expect and we’re willing to feed it to you until we get what we want. On top of that.. Some guys are in it strictly for the sport, so there’s no point in hooking up with the same chick TWICE. You already know after the first time that she’d give it up, so there’s no excitement in it (other than the physical action, of course).

        What you *CAN* do and what you *NEED* to do is figure out if you feel like being involved in the Casual Sex game at all. It just might not be for you. \o/

        Reply
        • Lala says:

          September 23, 2010 at 3:22 am

          Hi Bill,

          Thanks for the insight. Its a little contradicting though that you said that a liberated woman is someone who doesnt feel about hooking up with anyone and have the perception of “Imma get MINEZ”. Correct me if Im wrong but a woman who just sleeps around with anyone just because she feels like it, is what one would call a “hoe”?? Really, the guys that just “hit it and quit it” probably thought that these women are “Whores”. Granted, im not labeling myself one, far from it, I met someone, thought he was sexy and yes hooked up with him. I do feel bad after due to the fact that I never expected my first sex outside of my LTR would be a one night stand. I never even had one and now I know. Am I cut up with having casual sex with anyone? Umm.. NO! I do however wouldnt mind, a friend with benefits. I never expected a relationship from this guy, maybe a booty call every now and then. I guess I just met the wrong dude that was hunting for something different than what I was hunting for. Nonetheless, thanks, I dont feel so bad anymore. It was fun while it lasted, it is what is…C’est La Vie.

          Reply
          • Bill Cammack says:

            September 23, 2010 at 5:26 am

            I understand why you feel like what I’m saying is contradictory.. Let me attempt to clear this up for you. :D

            Your first sentence is correct. A liberated woman in my estimation doesn’t feel poorly about whatever she actually WANTED to do, because she WANTED to do it and she succeeded. In the case of a ONS, you might feel poorly about how it feels AFTERWARDS, but it isn’t like you were tricked into it. You made a decision to go over there. You made a decision to hook up with him. You made a decision to hook up with him again in the morning. All those things happened for you, so they’re all successes. :D

            IF you were actually “liberated”, you would see them as such. It’s like when you go to work.. You plan to do something and if it works the way you planned it, it’s a success. Very simple.

            Your second sentence is also correct. Lots of people consider women that “sleep around” to be hoes. So what? o_O .. What does that have to do with your personal success? Nothing.

            I get and understand why you would feel poorly about the aftermath (the guy disappearing). Anybody would feel badly about that, feeling they had a good time together and why doesn’t this person want to continue that? :(

            My point is that there’s no contradiction in anything that I said or anything that you brought up that I said.

            There’s how YOU feel about what you did and then there’s how OTHER PEOPLE may feel about what you did, and neither one has anything to do with the other.

            Perhaps you were thinking that a “liberated” woman has some kind of control over men to make them call her again after they hook up. Nope. Guys don’t have that control over gals either. Nobody does.

            Your liberation comes from understanding and accepting yourself and what you honestly feel like doing. If you don’t want to get involved in ONS, good.. don’t. :) If you’re cool with FWB, that’s fine too. :) If you want to get into another LTR, that works too… ANYTHING works, so long as it’s YOUR IDEA.

            What I’m saying in general, throughout my blog posts is that guys know gals are trying to create these friendships or relationships and are willing to fake it until we can finally get laid.

            There’s nothing you can do about this, except for spending a lot of time with a guy until you personally determine he’s not gonna tap that & bounce. You might STILL be wrong about that, but at least it’s an educated decision.

            IMO, there’s nothing for you to feel poorly about. You’ve learned the lesson that guys aren’t necessarily your friends. http://billcammack.com/2009/04/19/making-friends-vs-getting-laid/ .. It’s a good lesson to learn, early on in your re-entry into the dating scene.

            The other lesson you learned is that the only difference between a ONS and FWB is that the dude hit it more than once. o_O

            Reply
57. mukaluk says:

    September 15, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    So, a woman is considered a slut?! lol Well, the men screw her too so what does that make them/him? A slut!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 22, 2010 at 9:08 am

      Hey Mukaluk. :)

      Technically, you’re right. Technically, the guy is a slut as well.

      Unfortunately, WOMEN are the only ones concerned with being called a slut. Guys enjoy it. We’re not brainwashed against hooking up with as many women as we can get our hands on.

      We get more points if we have sex with multiple chicks at the same time.

      We get more points if they’re related to each other.

      Women can’t win the game of shouting “You’re a slut, too! :D”, because women are the only ones offended by the term.

      To a guy, all you’re saying about him is that he can get girls, which is a guy’s goal in life anyway. You’re calling him a success, not a failure.

      Reply
      • Callie says:

        March 18, 2011 at 11:48 pm

        Can I add something here as a woman…

        Being a slut and having the reputation of being a slut are two different phenomena. I know women who aren’t technical sluts according to the definition but have slut-like public presentations and I know girls who are down right sluts or behave slut-like in bed but you’s never assume it. An important key word is PRIVATE. So I would say that it comes down to self presentation so that if someone were to attempt to air-out her downright or occasional slut-like behaviors, they general public would question it’s truth. I myself am not a slut, but I do have a high sex drive and do have some slut-like behaviors with the men that I selectively chose to sleep with, but you’d NEVER know it if you saw me out in public [ahem. it's called the FORGOTTEN art of femininity]… and those who were lucky enough to experience my private slut-like tendencies knew if I caught any word of them trying to air-out my private business…ooh, they’d be banished like Adam and Eve from the garden of Eden (lol!)

        It seems like when women are concerned about being a slut, it really means that she is concerned that OTHER women will call her a slut, because, correct me if I’m wrong, but if a guy sees a woman as a slut he’ll still hit it but he’ll quit it just a quick.

        Reply
        • Bill Cammack says:

          March 24, 2011 at 5:37 am

          You’re right that the art of femininity has been completely lost, if not thrown away.

          The definition of a “slut” needs to be examined, though http://billcammack.com/2008/11/18/sluts-whores/

          Part of the problem with The Game is that guys don’t pay any attention to chicks they don’t want to screw, but then, if those same chicks give it up, the guys call them all sorts of names and low-rate them for doing exactly what the guys wanted them to do.

          The distinction, in my opinion, comes from whose power is being expressed in the situation. If it’s her decision to screw other women’s boyfriends or husbands, that doesn’t make her a slut, but actually a player. She’s conducting herself as she chooses, by her own free will, and she’s carving out her own niche in life.

          Unfortunately, however much it might be her idea, guys are generally going to see her as “easy” and use that descriptor to qualify or disqualify her from future engagements.

          Reply
58. Jodie says:

    September 20, 2010 at 1:06 am

    wow. this article is so simplistic. I am pretty sure the author is 16. no better yet some guy who is 34 working at the mall chasing 19 year olds. In fact I find him just plain gross. Its amazing that someone who quotes the term “hit it and quit it” can write a self help article. kinda sad. I dont really think this has any real substance.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 22, 2010 at 9:13 am

      Hey Jodie. Thanks for the comments. :D

      First of all, 34-year-old guys LOVE to screw 19-year-old girls, so what you’re saying is a complement and not a dis.

      Second of all, if you scroll up a little, you’ll find LOTS. OF. INSTANCES. of dudes Hitting It And Quitting It, so it’s in your best interest to become hip to the game and realize that it can happen to you too, at any time.

      Third, the article *IS* simple, because The Game is simple. Guys want to get laid. If we have to lie to you to get it, that’s what we’re gonna do. If we have to act like we care about you to get it, that’s what we’re gonna do. It’s VERY simple. Whatever gets you to lay the **** down and spread your legs is what we’re gonna do and then after we got what we wanted, there’s no incentive to speak to you ever again in life. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll have fun with the dating game or elect to remove yourself from it entirely.

      Reply
59. Christine says:

    September 26, 2010 at 12:04 am

    “Hit it and quit it” is a great phrase, replete with visuals. Not simplistic at all. And not gross; just the facts! It happens and Dating Genius explains again and again AND again the how and why, in order to help women better understand the game. So we can be happier. Better informed and educated. A little bit savvy and, therefore, less susceptible to being duped and/or dumped. If we understand how guys think then we can decide from an informed vantage point how we wish to respond for our greatest pleasure. Long term, short term, whatever.
    What is required is ridding one’s self of old inceptions and sweeping away the dead leaves of the past, our earliest formed expectations. One of my favorite Bill Cammack lines in DG is that “a woman’s panties shouldn’t fly off just because a guy tells her he loves her.” It takes a lot of hard work and reflection for most women to move beyond simply wanting to hear that. We want to hear it because we want to believe that we are special to our man. Guys know this and use it to their advantage. It is our (females) simplistic belief system that needs to be uprooted and replaced with reality. That creates a new playing field where an authentic relationship (to borrow from another thread on DG)can develop and flourish.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      September 26, 2010 at 3:56 am

      That’s the essence of it all, right there, Christine.

      Women get used every day (as do men). The answers to “why?” and “how?” don’t exist within your original brainwashing, which merely sets women up as being accessories for men.

      There are no provisions in that for you to figure out whether he actually likes, loves or cares about you because that’s not relevant to you changing diapers, cooking food or giving up sex whenever he wants it.

      It’s just not in y’all’s job description to understand what’s going on. It only hinders the process of men attaining wives, creating & maintaining families.

      In fact, that might be something women need to start out with. If y’all understood that the system was built for *MEN* to enjoy their lives, of which women are only a single aspect, you’d understand your uphill battle. Being that you believe that it’s an even playing field (even though, to this day, women are paid LESS for doing the exact same jobs that men do and even though women couldn’t even VOTE until the 1920′s), you can’t comprehend how some guys actually see you, even when you’re in a relationship with them.

      Relationships have been going on since BEFORE 1920. Guys were dating and marrying women that they didn’t feel should have a say in ANYTHING of import.. Certainly Not who runs their local government or the entire country. How come THOSE relationships flourished? The guy could vote. The gal could not. The guy KNEW the gal couldn’t vote. The gal KNEW that the guy knew she couldn’t vote. Was the playing field even? Nope. Doesn’t matter. That’s not why she was hired. That’s not why she was selected as a girlfriend of wife. She was selected for the qualities she’s bringing to the table that her man doesn’t already have, and NOT because she’s supposed to be an “equal”.

      Ain’t that type’a party.

      Once you’re able to recognize what type of party it *IS*, then you can decide whether you want to be involved or not or make an educated decision to properly screen guys for whether they ACTUALLY see you the way you want to be seen or whether they’re just letting you play ‘relationship’ games with yourself until you decide to give it up, which is all they were talking to you for in the first place.

      Reply
60. Marian Awor says:

    October 3, 2010 at 8:27 am

    Hi Bill,

    I would like to share you some love story here in my country. It is seem to be quiet untrue or funny, but yes. It is true story.

    For those who really don’t understand or deep-in-love at the first sight or giving your full of 100% heart to him could may think,..so.strange including me. When i read the article entitled, “107-year-old woman still in love with 38-year-old husband’. What?

    Here is some short of the story all about,
    The oldest woman located at the east coast of West Malaysia, and the Malay culture is best seeing here as 90% of the population are Malays, 107-year-old woman still loves her husband, 38, although he is undergoing drug rehabilitation for two months after he tested positive for heroin on Aug 12 this year.

    Although disappointed with her husband’s drug habits, she loves him for staying with her during happy and sad times. She said her young husband is hard working and helpful with the house chores including cooking washing and bathing her.

    Bill, in your opinion! Are love is blind or we are the blind of love!!

    Or i can only says, just like Kelly Clarkson song title, I Do Not Hook Up…

    Reply
61. Bout 2 turn gay says:

    October 27, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Can someone explain WTF? Going on here… I met a guy and since it had been awhile I did sleep with him on the first night. I did that because it had been awhile and he suprised me I didn’t think we’d like one another. So he decides he wants a relationship I was hesitant at first because things moved so quickly but agreed. I met the family very early on which I thought was odd.They kinda gave me the 3rd degree because in their eyes he was some freakin innocent victim. Supposedly all his exs did him wrong blah blah blah… And used him for money… Blah blah blah. This is why I was hesitant. Im not materialistic, and everytime I’d see him he was throwin money at me. I was like don’t you see I love u… U don’t have to do that shyt. So I ask him am I a prostitute to you, I care about you for you( I know I sound like a damn afterschool special but this Is how I felt) I’m with you because you make me feel good and secure and he felt the same about me but still kept giving me money sayin this is another way he shows his love. Now this is how I know I loved this man. I have a healthy sex drive but not promiscuous at all. But he was impotent! I didn’t care, we clicked so much mentally, and he wasn’t even attractive, hadn’t felt this way about anyone in over a decade and a half. He gave great oral but I felt odd cause I couldn’t really get him hard but he was ok with that. He still wanted me. Everything was good till the Viagra came. He had heart problems and diabetes and wasn’t supposed to take Viagra. As I was riding him he wouldn’t blink and I tried hanging in there but he started drooling but at least he did get around to sucking my breast but after that it was a wrap for me. I thought I was killing him he look like he was in a trance like coma. So I got up and soon after left because I had to get home to my kids. So yea it bothered me because an old ex almost had a heart attack during sex. But I still love him and don’t judge him. Well a day after this happened he calls and says why did u stop and I tell him why, in a lovely way not disrespectful I told him I was scared cause I thought he was dying. Then outta no where he attacks me saying I’m nothing and lower than him. I’m like WTF? This shyt comin from, and then tells me he’s gonna date another girl because they have more in common. So I was hurt wanted to cuss him out but I just let I go told him I was hurt. So then he calls me later that week saying ” well we shouldn’t breakup but should take a break from each other.. Again I’m like WTF, so I was like ok but I take that as breaking up. So after many tears I go out with a guy nothin serious and he text me asking wat I’m doin. I tell him I’m on a date. He goes off sayin your not supposed to be with anyone. We’re on a date… I’m in love but confused as hell and about to turn lesbian quick. Is this common for impotent men? I cant build someones self esteem if they won’t let me and he’s a good person but I don’t know if he’s worth the time anymore. He says we on a break but calls me daily. Am I in the twilight zone? Help me please!!!!

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      October 31, 2010 at 6:11 am

      I think the first problem here is that women tend to automatically assume that because a guy’s willing to have sex with them, he considers them to be in some kind of “relationship”.

      Hooking up is simply a pleasant activity. You wouldn’t expect a guy that goes to a diner and has a good meal to ONLY eat at that diner, going forward… Sometimes, y’all are “This chick I like to have sex with” and not “My girlfriend” or “My future wife”.

      The reason I bring that up is that a lot of time goes into trying to figure out what a guy’s thinking, when lots of times, all he’s thinking was either “That was good and I want some more of it” or “That wasn’t so good, so I don’t really care whether I tap that again or not” or “That wasn’t good and I’m going to do my damnedest to avoid hooking up with this particular chick for the rest of my life”.

      He gave great oral but I felt odd cause I couldn’t really get him hard but he was ok with that.

      That’s not actually your problem. If there’s something about you that prevents him from becoming ready for action, that’s HIS issue that he needs to deal with.

      It’s funny that you mention heart issues.. I had forgotten that there was this chick I used to hang out with and I was scared to death to hook up with her because she had had heart surgery and I wouldn’t have been able to deal with being the cause of having to call the paramedics for her or worse. haha I’m being totally serious about that, not bragging like “Yeah, I causeS HEART FAILURE, SUNNN!!! >:D”.. I was literally scared that she might croak if I hit it, so I didn’t. :D

      As far as his self-esteem isssues, I can see why he might become defensive / verbally abusive when you tell him the truth. People want to see themselves as “normal”, and anything that reminds them or suggests to them that they’re anything different will be rebelled against.

      Same thing with the “dating someone else” situation. Some people aren’t in touch with reality and want to have their cake and eat it too. There’s nothing you can do about that. Similar to the ED, it’s just not your problem. \o/

      As far as the lesbian thing, if you like chicks, you like chicks. Nobody cares. Do whatever you feel like doing. Make a videotape, whatever.. >:D

      Just realize that if you do that, it’s because you wanted to do it to begin with and you decided to act on your own impulses & desires. It’s not because one human male on this planet gave you a weird/bad experience and you decided that any interactions you had with males going forward was going to be exactly the same, so why not mess with chicks?

      Reply
62. Bout 2 turn gay says:

    November 8, 2010 at 1:28 am

    Ok im listening to what your saying but I never initiated a relationship with this guy,HE wanted to be in a relationship with me, I wanted to hold off on that, but he persisted, so I didn’t make any assumptions. As far as the Lesbian thing i was joking but i can see how women get into lesbianism, because it seems it takes men a little longer to mature. Like when they start gettin fat bald and ugly and losing their teeth. You know like when no one wants them and thinks they’re a “stud” anymore

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      November 8, 2010 at 4:43 am

      You need to go read “Truth vs. Relationships”.

      What a guy SAYS doesn’t mean anything because he knows he can fake you out with it.

      We can say “We’re dating exclusively” and you fall for it and then we kick it with as many other women as we want because y’all all fall for the exact same tricks.

      You’re saying that he said he wants to be in a relationship with you, but you typed earlier that you asked him “am I a prostitute to you, I care about you for you”. What do you expect him to say? :D hahaha “Yeah, you’re a ho”?.. “Yeah, I enjoy screwing you, but don’t think much else about you”?… That’s not going to get him what he wants. “I want to be in a relationship with you” will get him anything he wants and guys know this and women keep falling for it.

      Try to focus on actions & behaviors and not words. Words come easy. They don’t mean anything.

      As far as your lesbianic estimation, I’m sure there are lots of women that stop messing with guys merely so they don’t have to deal with guys. If y’all have bad experiences with guys, it only makes sense that you’d try something else.

      As far as the “maturity” thing, I think that deserves its own post. What you’re describing isn’t maturity.. It’s DESPERATION. :D

      Hugh Hefner isn’t immature. He can afford several young, hawt girlfriends and that’s what he pays for. Case closed. Women need to stop believing that it’s a sign of maturity in a male that he restricts himself to one female. It’s completely unnecessary. Guys will have as many women as we can handle/afford. Period.

      Reply
63. Bout 2 turn gay says:

    November 8, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    i hear you again but the person i was with was immature and possesive. There very well could have been other woman from the start but I couldn’t tell because he he called me daily so many times a day.When he dumped me he called me asked me “who was that you were out with today” Well this blog is a reality call and a reason i may be by myself and dont feel i need a man. I can’t take the time to have to figure out this stuff out, and guys sound pretty shallow. Wow I hope men who thinks its in their nature to play these mind games break these men “things” or rules down to their own daughters.I feel for the sexually abused or mentally weak females,in these mind playing situations.I’d hope men would think more with their hearts than mind in these situations with women. Remember we’re all human before al this male/female B.S. and we all have feelings. Like i always say don’t waste my time. Time is too short to be playing games and trying to “decipher” people who probably not worth your time.Thank God for the Jake Steed vibrator.This thing oughta hold me over for awhile. Oh yeah and this fool your callin “Mister Hugh Hefner mature” is blowin up my phone now have in mind i don’t call this knuckle head but I will be blocking his number today

    Reply
    • Steve says:

      November 8, 2010 at 5:19 pm

      “Time is too short to be playing games and trying to “decipher” people who probably not worth your time.” – Amen to that!
      The trick is to get more experienced and efficient at identifying those kinds of folks. And to ask yourself, how did I get here, what role did I play so you can identify a wack scene sooner.

      To quote a female friend of mine in her 70′s, NEVER settle. He’s not attractive, he can’t have sex normally, but you click mentally so you’re in love? Sounds like at least one of you just needed to get laid! Hey, we’re all human.

      You can’t build his self-esteem for him or make him less angry about his impotence. That’s his problem. You went out with damaged goods. That happens. I wonder if he uses money for leverage because he can’t f*ck… anyway, sounds like some kind of game all right but it’s doubtful he even knows he’s playing it. As with most guys.

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        November 8, 2010 at 6:47 pm

        Agreed with Steve.. Every situation like this is a potential learning experience where you can hone your radar for these kinds of things and make educated decisions sooner rather than later next time.

        Also agreed with “Never Settle”. Settling only leads to complicated situations when you meet someone that actually turns you on. o_O

        As far as your particular situation, Bout2, far be it from me to say whether a guy that YOU know and I don’t is mature or he isn’t. :) All I’m saying is that women tend to chalk things up to “maturity” that actually fall under the category of “We don’t give a flying **** what you think and we’re going to do whatever we want to do”. Guys that bow down and conform to what women want them to do are called “mature” and guys that do the **** what we feel like doing are slandered, when, in fact, there’s no reason for us to do anything other than whatever we feel like doing, whenever we feel like doing it.

        There very well could have been other woman from the start but I couldn’t tell because he he called me daily so many times a day.

        I think you’re getting the picture now that calling you doesn’t stop a guy from calling other chicks or screwing other chicks. Back in the day, when I used to play the GF game, I used to have up to three simultaneous girlfriends. It’s easy to do when they all go to different schools and your boys know how to act like any girl they see you with is your only girlfriend.

        Well this blog is a reality call and a reason i may be by myself and dont feel i need a man.

        That’s right. You DON’T need a man. That’s part of the brainwashing. You needed a man back in the day when you couldn’t have your own job and money and home and fun and excitement. That’s over now.

        Wow I hope men who thinks its in their nature to play these mind games break these men “things” or rules down to their own daughters.

        Agreed. I don’t have any kids, myself. I inform my friends’ daughters and little sisters what time it is whenever I can. It’s all about making educated decisions. It’s not about scaring women into conforming and keeping y’all’s legs closed. If you want to hook up with a guy, that’s fine.. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and you understand what the potential pitfalls are.

        I’d hope men would think more with their hearts than mind in these situations with women. Remember we’re all human before al this male/female B.S. and we all have feelings.

        Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. Reader “Shannon” commented that men tend to date with their little heads and women tend to date with their big heads and hearts. In a general sense, she’s absolutely right about that. The more women deny the reasons why guys are checkin’ for them, the more susceptible y’all are to the games & deception.

        Oh yeah and this fool your callin “Mister Hugh Hefner mature” is blowin up my phone

        lolol Welp… \o/ You know what he wants. :D

        It’s up to you whether you want to give it to him or not.

        Sounds like your plan to block/lose his number is a winner! ;)

        Reply
64. Buxom says:

    December 6, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Hey Bill,

    I need some advice. About a year ago I removed myself from an 8 year relationship after finding out my ex got not one but two women pregnant. I uprooted my life and moved back in with my mother and went back to school. After 6 months of dating with no “hooking up” I realized I had unresolved trust issues and wasn’t ready to be in another relationship. Then a female friend of mines told me about an adult “dating” site designed for individuals interested in “hooking up with no strings attached.” So I created a profile posted a short bio and a short physical description of what I was looking for in partner. I found a guy, we chatted, exchanged medical history, we hooked up, it was awesome. Shortly after I deleted my profile. We ended up becoming a regular weekly late night “thing”, I always slept over (he liked to spoon) and I would creep out in the morning making sure I didn’t wake him. This was great for months but then one day he kissed me when leaving my house (I was shocked). Now I find myself wanting more time, more talking, more intimacy, just more him. We have fun together (in the house), have great conversations out side of “hooking up”, have quite a few things in common and share the same since of humor. I know that he has a ton of female friends thanks to facebook, but he hasn’t logged into the Adult site for months (I checked through my friends profile).

    Anyway what I would like to know is if this is a lost cause to want more anything at this point? Is there anything that I can do to have him notice I want more, or maybe find out if he wants more too? Should I just suppress these feelings and enjoy it while it lasts? Is it stupid to ask him out on a date after being a booty call for months.

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      December 7, 2010 at 6:52 am

      Hey Buxom. Thanks for the question. :)

      This is actually a completely different topic that warrants its own post. Hopefully, I’ll be able to write about that today. If not, then soon, for sure. :D

      I’ll post the link to the new article when it’s up.

      Reply
      • Bill Cammack says:

        December 13, 2010 at 4:34 am

        Posted your response article => [click here].

        Reply
65. Ho Into A Housewife? | Bill Cammack says:

    December 13, 2010 at 4:19 am

    [...] “Buxom” left a comment the other day on “Why You Got Dumped After Sex that requires its own post to discuss: Buxom: [...]

    Reply
66. Julie says:

    January 10, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Thanks Bill, It all makes sence now.
    I meet this guy online at 3.00pm, at 4.00pm went to pub for drinks and at around 9.00pm the same day we had sex. We meet a few times after that (had sex) and he said he would take me out to dinner the next night and never heard from him again.
    Look I think it was ok to sleep with him, I found him very attracttive and was feeling horny so I did it. My mistake was that I should have let a one night stand be a one night stand. I feel really shitty that he was the one who dumped me instead of me walking away first.
    I understand now why he never called me back, there was no real connection between us, and yeah I just wanted sex, was not particularly choosy.
    This guy and I live a couple of blocks away from each other and hang out at the same pub, I know I will bump into him again.
    Here is my question: If you have a one night stand (or a few nights stand) can you ever go back. If I see him out do I talk to him or ignore??? Could a man ever be interested in a women who did what I did later on????

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      January 12, 2011 at 6:13 am

      Hey Julie. :)

      Thanks for the question, and I’m glad you got something out of the article. That’s the entire POINT! :D

      First of all, I disagree with you… You didn’t make any mistakes at all. You did what you wanted to do and you enjoyed yourself, up until the time that one of y’all suggested going to dinner instead of having sex and then that didn’t happen. That’s not a mistake on your part at all. You should consider that…. It’s a situation that was good for you until it went bad at the end of it.

      Second, it’s good that you own what you want and what you like and what you do. There’s nothing wrong with gettin’ biz ASAP, if that’s what you really want to do. Too many women guilt themselves out of living their own lives until it’s too late.

      I get what you’re saying about feeling poorly about not being the one to dump him, haha but you answered your own question. Y’all never had any connection at all other than y’all both felt like ******* each other. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s what *you* wanted and it’s what he wanted, too.

      It seems like he never had any intention of doing anything other than having sex with you. That would probably be why he bailed on going out to dinner, IMO (with the limited information I have). A lot of women make the mistake of believing that because a guy will hook up with them, he’ll spend time with them when they’re not having sex or making out or whatever. That’s often not the case. If he knows you’re not going to hook up with him, he’ll spend his time with a different chick that’s down with the program. It’s about the action, not the individual female.

      So, there’s no way that you would have walked away first. :) You were still enjoying the situation. He was enjoying the situation, but didn’t want to get to him spending money on you or him “wasting” time with you where he wasn’t having sex, or whatever the issue was that caused him to bail.

      Sometimes, in life, we have to decide that we’re gonna ride this ride until it stops, nah meen? :D So long as this is still good for us, we’re gonna hang in there. As soon as it doesn’t work for us, we’re out. When you see things like that, there’s no way you can be the first one out the door, so long as everything’s going well in the “relationship”.

      hehe It’s unfortunate that y’all hang out at the same pub, which is why it’s generally a good idea to hunt far outside of your local area. That way, when you’re done with the person, you never have to see them again.

      As far as your question about whether a guy could be interested in a gal he already “pumped & dumped”, as it were… I say of course he can… Assuming he was ever interested in you in the first place.

      There are lots of gals that guys would have sex with, but never consider being in a relationship with. There are lots of gals that guys wouldn’t be friends with at all if they weren’t FWB and hooking up with them. The sex is like the price of admission to the “friendship”.

      Having said that… It seems like y’all had a good time together. :) If that’s the case from his point of view, it depends on whether he’s willing to socialize with you at this point. Remember.. HE’S the one that ended the action, not you. HE’S the one that should be feeling self-conscious when you see him. He knows that he did you wrong. That doesn’t mean he cares about that, or you, but my point is that you didn’t do anything except exactly what you signed on for. He’s the one that flipped da script.

      One thing that I can tell you about these situations is that guys are concerned about chicks FREAKING THE **** OUT after the fact. BLAH BLAH You dumped me. BLAH BLAH How could you do that? BLAH BLAH Didn’t the sex mean anything to you? :O BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH Nobody cares about that. If he cared, he either wouldn’t have dumped you like that or he would have contacted you after the fact to see how you felt.

      So if you’re actually interested in pursuing either a friendship, FWB or “relationship” with this guy, my advice when you see him around is to approach him like “whatever’s whatever”. Water under the bridge. Y’all had a good time together, and then he did a stupid move and dumped you with no regard for your feelings. You’re over it, but you’re not going to forget it. You know more about who he is as a person now, so you’re going to utilize that information to make your future decisions.

      If you can step to him without causing a scene and strike up a conversation, if he can’t graciously talk with you, he’s a jerk and completely not worth your time. If you talk to him and he feels like “Oh! I’ve got it like that! I can have this chick whenever I want her, because I dumped her and she still came back for more! :D”, then it’s on you to use your information to decide whether you want to have sex with him again or not.

      You’re not stepping to him begging. You’re stepping to him as a woman who did what she wanted to do, enjoyed herself, didn’t appreciate the way he ended it, but is willing to get over that and see what kind of relationship y’all can have going forward, even if that’s “Hi” and “Bye” or not talking to each other at all.

      If he can’t respect that and be authentic towards you, he’s a HERB and he’s not worth your time or energy.

      Reply
67. Kate says:

    January 30, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Hi- found your blog by a random (and desperately sad) googling “why didn’t he call me after sex?”

    I feel rather stupid writing to you like this, but you make a lot of sense – at least way more sense than my friends (mostly girls – go figure). My story’s probably the same old, same old, but I think I need to hear it:

    I meet a guy (best friend of a friend/collague) at a party and went back to his place, kissed and slept and talked (no sex) till four pm the next day. He gave me his number, and I wrote to him.

    Had a second date (I guess – it felt like a date) tuesday where he cooked dinner: we talked and talked and talked, kissed a lot, second base, and talked some more. I really felt like we hit it off – and I shoved him a lot of *me* like you wrote about, you know, *who* I was as a person, so I thought that even though we might had stumbled into each other so to speak, this was perhaps something.

    It was the same story on our third date (friday – three days after the second) – lots of talk about our lives, favourite music, you know the sort of things, and then we had sex, and I left in the morning for work, happy, you know?

    And then – nothing. Or worse than that. I texted him at work and got an inane text about him and his friends’ getting drunk the following evening, and our mutual friend told me he was a player and was messing around with his ex. Sorry – did I get things completely wrong? I can’t belive the sex was that bad (pardon if I sound crude, but we did it three times that evening and I’ve never ever had complaints before). Did he just ‘play’ me? (In that case – a rather long-winded game, don’t you think?).

    The problem is also that when I told our mutual friend that we hooked up, she wasn’t very pleased – infact she told me she once entertained the thought of being with him too. Am I reading into this because I want her to alterior motives for me and him not being together? Or is it as the saying goes – “he’s just not that into me”? (But in that case – why the devil did he seem that way?) Or am I deluded, and the sex was really really really bad, and I should never ever approach another guy again because apparently I don’t know what I’m doing in the sack? (which I can’t believe is, well, entirely true ;))

    Help?

    Reply
    • Bill Cammack says:

      February 4, 2011 at 3:20 am

      Hey Kate. :) Thanks for the comment.

      First of all, your mutual friend is egregiously at fault here.

      That should NEVER happen, that your friend introduces you to someone that they know, and then tell you AFTER THE FACT that that person is a player (or that that person is crazy, or that that person has an incurable STD, or that that person has kids and a wife, OR OR OR OR OR).

      Any time I’ve met a chick that somebody I know knows, I get the scoop on her, immediately. As soon as she’s on the radar, it’s like “What’s the deal with this chick?”. If nobody has information for me, that means that either a) they don’t actually KNOW the person they’re introducing me to, or b) they’re taking that person’s side against me in the situation.

      What this means for you is that (IMO, because I don’t know your friend at all) your friend helped dude get laid and didn’t look out for you AT. ALL.

      I’d be LIVID if somebody introduced me to some chick, and then after the fact was like “Yeah, I knew she was married” or whatever. Livid.

      Having said that.. Guys are used to playing this game. We have to do it every single time with every single chick throughout our entire dating careers. We’re down to hit it off the bat, and then we have to wait for y’all to catch up with the ******* program.

      Doesn’t matter if we wait an hour.. a day.. a week.. a month.. sometimes, several months. We know that sooner or later, you’re gonna give it up, and that’s what we’re waiting for.

      As far as your letting him know who you are, that’s good technique, but some guys just don’t care about anything other than getting laid with whatever chicks are hawt to them at the time. One, Two or Several, sisters, mother & daughter, aunt & neice, whatever. Action is Action.

      So, to me, it sounds like in this case, dude was just waiting you out until he hooked up with you. It’s not a reflection on you at all, because you did what you were supposed to do. You were up-front with him and talked about yourself and enabled him to make an educated decision about whether he wanted to continue dating you or not.

      The fact of the matter is that there are lots of guys that aren’t interested in relationships AT ALL. Doesn’t matter how attractive the gal is or how much money she makes or how much prestige she has in the town.. Chicks are Chicks, so guys do what they need to to get on, and then sometimes, they stick around and sometimes, they bounce.

      Once again, this is your friend’s fault for knowing that this guy was a “player” and not telling you that BEFORE you got involved with him.

      Another thing about not giving it up immediately is that a lot of guys can tell WHY a chick isn’t getting with the program. There’s a difference between “She doesn’t want to have sex with me” and “She wants to have sex with me, but is holding back until XYZ happens”. So, not having sex on date 1 doesn’t make y’all look like nuns. It’s more like you look like a rubber band that’s being pulled back and sooner or later, you’re going to be released and jump on him.

      Another issue is that some guys completely lose interest in a chick after they hook up with her. The sense this makes is that the challenge is gone. It’s like “I already tapped that. I’m not proving anything to myself by hooking up with her again”. So even if the sex was fantastic, dude might not come back for more, because the fun is GETTING it, not HAVING it or messing with the same chick over and over.

      So my point is.. I think the only ‘mistake’ you made (which you couldn’t have avoided, under the circumstances) was trying to start a relationship with a guy that only wanted to **** you, and apparently only wanted to do it on one day.

      The reason you weren’t able to avoid this (and this actually needs to be its own blog post) is that your friend didn’t look out for you like she should have. If your friend would have told you ahead of time that dude was “a player”, you could have made an educated decision about whether you wanted to hook up with him or not.

      In fact, I think it’s WORSE that you had someone in position to do recon that didn’t give you the intel than if you had met the same guy by yourself, in a bar or something, and you would have had all of your detectors firing, trying to figure out what this guy’s about.

      I have lots of female friends that I met SOLELY on the strength that someone I chill with was a friend of theirs. In some cases, chick1 that introduced me to chick2 isn’t even friends with chick2 anymore, and I’m still involved with both of them. If you can’t trust references from your friends, you’re better off treating everyone as guilty until proven innocent.

      Reply
68. Christine says:

    February 4, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Agreed. I have often scratched my head over why supposed “friends” would allow me to go into a situation they facilitated with no admonition or alert.