Now… We already went over this in “How to dress your girlfriend”, but we need to revisit the topic, thanks to this Jessica Simpson situation.


Ladies… Do yourselves a favor. This is 2009 and we’re living the Social Media life now, so you never know when “Photo Ops” are gonna come up. Make sure that juuuuuust in case, you’re at the top of your game when you step out the door.

Obviously, this is even MORE IMPORTANT if you’re a celebrity and you’re going to be on stage in front of people with cameras. It’s even MORE important if you used to be FOYINE, and now you’re not. We’ll get to that later. 🙂

Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about Jessica Simpson, how her body used to look and how it looks right now. Clearly, she’s put on a GANG of weight, but she could have avoided most of the tabloid chatter if she had dressed properly for her new shape.

Now, all of y’all have been to the ghetto at some point, or at least you’ve seen one of the millions of ghetto movies that Hollywood likes to make, so you know that there are lots of chicks out there with…. more bounce to the ounce… that accessorize and do what they can to look as fly as possible. This is because they know what size they are and they know what to do with that.

Play It Where It Lies

OTOH, there are tons lots of chicks that aren’t aware that they look differently now than when they were slim and they try to dress the same way they used to. No Good. The only reason that stuff worked for you *before* was that guys would have liked to see you with ANY clothes on or with NO clothes on. At this point in time, it’s critical to “leave something (or, a lot) to the imagination”.


The issue for curvier women is control. What y’all have to do is coax stuff into locations where they’re appealing to the eye, instead of doing like the Hawaiians and “hanging loose”. This means, DO NOT come outside in non-fitting jeans that make your ass look long and make your thighs look amorphous. Don’t Do It.

Second… DO NOT try to get over with some stomach-controlling wide-ass belt, ESPECIALLY one that calls the eye’s attention to it because it’s some gaudy leopard pattern.

Third, if you’re GOING to try the suck-my-stomach-in-with-a-belt trick, WEAR A JACKET OVER IT! Leave as much to the imagination as possible.

The problem with not wearing a jacket is that your lower body BALLOONS OUT from under the belt to where it’s naturally distributed. Actually, you would have been better off leaving the belt out entirely and sticking with your natural gut, because it would have been a smoother transition vertically down your body instead of looking like a sack of potatoes.

Control

THIS is the right way to exit the crib, ladies! 😀

Do you see how much CONTROL Jessica has? NOT denim jeans, but leather pants, which are cut to a particular shape. She’s still rocking the Gladiator stomach-sucking belt, except THIS TIME, it’s BLACK… The Same Color as her jacket, instead of some conflicting, gaudy “Look At Me!!! I’m Trying To Get Over!!!” colors.

The way her jacket and untucked shirt fall, they cover up the “sack of potatoes” effect and leave enough to the imagination to get over. Also, because of the way her leather pants fit her, you can see she’s rockin’ dope kicks instead of how those denim bell-bottoms went all the way to the floor like she was trying to hide something.

Now… Jessica STILL would have taken heat for her weight in this gear, but it would have been way less severe, because she’s doing what she can do with her current size. There’s nothing wrong with her current size, but it calls for a completely different style of dressing. (did somebody say “dressing”?… hahaha nevermind :p )


Now… Assuming your man has TASTE in women and actually KNOWS when you look good and when you don’t, he can help you out here as well. This only works if your man is willing to MAN UP and tell you the truth. “Nah. You look busted. That belt’s making you look like you just ate dinner”. So.. Yes, Fellaz… Y’all are gonna have to help the ladies reach their potential by keepin’ it REAL with them when they’re looking good and when they’re not.

Anyway… Another problem here is that Jessica used to be FOYINE!!! 😀 Mind you, beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, so I’m sure there were lots of guys that considered her too skinny before and NOW they want her to “drop it like it’s hot” at the club. If she had burst on the scene (no pun intended) at this weight, people would have been like “Oh, There goes Jessica”, like nothing was wrong. At this point, people are treating her like she ate the Everlasting Gobstopper. She’s actually STILL way slimmer than a lot of American females, but she’s being penalized compared to her former body, which supposedly was costing her two hours per day of workout time.

So.. Yes, Ladies… CONTROL is the issue! 😀 If not via your caloric intake and workout regimen, then by properly selected & accessorized gear. Prevention or Cure. Of course, a lot of women are going to ask why they SHOULD stay in shape at all, but that’s an entirely different discussion.

~Bill

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8 Comments

  1. No kidding, seriously, who let her out of her dressing room wearing that? Aren’t celebs supposed to have peeps who dress them and tell them how they look?

    I hate all the people who get so mad when everyone makes comments about a celebrity gaining a shit ton of weight…It’s like dude, they have money… get a personal trainer or don’t appear in front of a camera. Esp in that garb!

    Someone mentioned that not only was she wearing THAT outfit for a performance, but it was also at a chili cook off. Maybe she was trying to dress the part? ha

    1. Hey Carrie. 🙂

      That’s absolutely right. She’s supposed to have a stylist. According to “unnamed sources”, her family’s blaming the stylist as well. As soon as I saw the first pic of her in that getup, I was like WTF???

      The reason people get mad when someone brings up celebrity weight, and of course, IN PARTICULAR, *female* celebrity weight… is that people enjoy laboring under the illusion that looks have nothing to do with why someone is chosen to act or dance or sing. It’s a total lie. SO MANY THINGS are COMPLETELY based on looks, but that’s depressing for people to think about that don’t have those kinds of looks. It destroys their dream that that COULD have been THEM on the stage, so they lash out against the commenters.

      Meanwhile, “beauty pageants” continue to be a staple in American society. Meanwhile women are scrutinzed about their looks from Junior High School on, if not earlier. *I* know there was the in crowd and the not-in-crowd when I was in 4th grade. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t elevate women (fairly or unfairly) for their looks and then not demote them when they “fall off”.

      On top of that, as I said in the article, Jessica’s STILL slimmer than LOTS of women in the USA, so for tabloids and news sources to run around calling her “fat”, they’re indirectly calling women larger than her “obese”. Of course, *that* NEVER goes over well! 😀

      You know?… I was thinking the same thing when they mentioned the chili. I really was. I was like “Maybe she’s trying to blend”. hahaha Regardless, whether it was her PAID stylist or some friend of hers she might have been spending time with before the concert, SOMEBODY should have told her that she wasn’t up to par and was going to get SCREAMED ON if she went out in public like that. Her entourage let her down, so now they have to make up for it with hawt selections that put Jessica back in a good light.

      The funniest part of this whole thing so far is that they’ve been calling them “Mom Jeans”! hahahaha 😀

  2. When I saw the original post, I thought “this has CammackComments ™” all over it.

    Like you said, she is not fat by any sense of imagination. BUT she is fat compared to her breakout weight. The choice of clothes was an extreme mistake.

    Oprah fell off the wagon – her own words – again also. But cannot say she known for her slim size.

    1. Well, that’s part of the problem. Whether it was HER idea or not, Jessica Simpson became known for having a hot body. The way “Hollywood” works, women are supposed to maintain that or get ridiculed.

      The obvious problem is that the only way they look the way they do, in most cases, is that they a) don’t eat the way they want to, and b) spend much of their lives in the gym. If that’s worth it to them for fame and money, more power to them. If they’d rather relax, live their lives and get comfortable with their natural body sizes/shapes, then good luck to them that they can sustain their success.

      You’ll notice how NOBODY had ANYTHING positive to say about Britney Spears until she got back in shape for her new video.

  3. OK people repeat after me: JUST CAUSE ITS IN STYLE DOES NOT MAKE IT YOUR STYLE!!
    Nothing wrong with her wait she just doesnt have the required roundness at the bottom and small upper body poportions required for that ensemble (think Beyonce or J-Hoe er Lo).
    Let me tell you, right now (in the N-Y that is) tight almsot skinny jeans is kinda the thing for guys regardless of zip code! I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW YOU WONT CATCH MY FAT AZZ IN ANY! but there are sum kind hefty dudes rockin’ that gear and feel good about themselves because-they feel stylish!

    This was not a weight problem for her, it was just a severe lack of taste. Look at her in the black get up… ID DO HER!

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