First of all, nobody knows what happened (if anything) the other day between Chris Brown & Rihanna. You know how the internet works… Somebody says something and somebody else believes it and reports it as truth then somebody else exaggerates the first “truth” and you end up with all this garbage.
Here’s some of what the Associated Press (AP) reported yesterday:
John Rogers: LOS ANGELES (AP) â€” Chris Brown, who was arrested a week ago in connection with a domestic violence investigation, said Sunday he is “sorry and saddened” by what happened and is seeking counseling from his pastor and loved ones.
The 19-year-old R&B singer also said much of what has been reported of the incident is untrue, although he did not elaborate.
“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God’s help, to emerging a better person,” Brown said in a statement issued through publicist Michael Sitrick.
“Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and-or reported in the media is wrong,” he added. But he said he couldn’t discuss that in detail until his case is resolved.
Brown surrendered to Los Angeles police on Feb. 8 and was released on $50,000 bail after being booked for investigation of making a criminal threat, a felony. He has not been charged by the district attorney’s office, which is still investigating the case.
His arrest reportedly stemmed from an argument with his girlfriend, fellow singer Rihanna, shortly after they left a pre-Grammy Awards party.
Now.. Other than that, there are a lot of rumors floating around. There’s a lot of SPECULATION about what started the argument, what happened during the argument, what was said during the argument and even what had occurred between them BEFORE that day, as far as physical altercations, none of which appear to stem from actual eye-witness accounts.
So let’s take a few of these rumored situations and discuss ways to deal with them… But first….
Where to start a fight
Photo Credit: TMZ
In case you don’t know what a Lamborghini is, this is what it looks like. It basically looks like a race car that belongs on the track or on television, except it’s rolling down the street like a pink elephant.
I don’t believe there has been one time, EVAR, that I have been in the presence of a Lamborghini and not looked at it until it was ALL THE WAY out of my line of sight. Never.
The point being… If you DID decide to kick someone’s ass and you intend to get away with it, inside a pink elephant with windows is NOT the place to do it. Even if you escape the scene, the witnesses are going to say “Well… I didn’t catch a glimpse of who it was…… but he drove off in a LAMBORGHINI.
On top of that, if you rented the car, you have to RETURN IT, and trust me, if rental places check for damage you caused in a U-Haul (which I know about), they’ll check for damage you caused IN A LAMBORGHINI (which I know nothing about).
ok.. On with the rumors:
Rumor 01: Another dude tapped Rihanna
I think the first rumor I heard about this situation was that the argument was about Rihanna hooking up with another dude. One option in this situation is to get upset and start a fight inside a rented Lamborghini. Another option is to attempt to verify this report, and if it turns out to be true, DUMP HER!… Meaning end the relationship, *not* dump her out of the rolling Lamborghini.
See, people tend to trap themselves in these so-called “relationships” with one person and then they get overly emotionally attached to what that one person does with their time or their bodies. The recognition that you actually have ZERO CONTROL over what your “significant other” does can cause people to temporarily or permanently LOSE IT big-time. There’s no preparing for this. It’s on-the-job training. You can say to somebody a million times “How would you feel if your girl gave it up to the next man?”, and no matter how many times they give you their thoughts on the matter, it’s an entirely different ball game in that split second where they actually BELIEVE it and they aren’t ready to handle it.
It’s important to note in these situations that while you have ZERO control over your S.O., you have 100% control over YOURSELF, which means that you can decide at any time that you’re no longer “in a relationship” with this chick and step to the left. Pull the car over to the sidewalk, give her a bus or subway token and say “Shalom”.
Why this doesn’t usually happen
Your girlfriend hooking up with another dude is most likely a ToS violation, which should result in her dismissal due to breach of contract. This should be especially true in the case of R&B singers. These are the guys that sing the songs that get OTHER. GUYS. LAID!… They shouldn’t have *any* problems getting a new girl TO-DAY, after they (no pun intended) “kick their girl to the curb”.
The problem here is pride. People like to feel proud of their relationships, as if they’ve actually done something. They like to feel like “I’ve got this girl/guy in DEEP CHECK!”. Letting go of the relationship doesn’t make them feel like a winner. It makes them feel like a loser. They feel like they couldn’t hold on to what they had or that someone else TOOK what they had away from them.
Take a step back. Recognize who you are as an individual and if your S.O. doesn’t want to comply with your ToS, let them go do whatever they want and choose a new girl from your groupies backstage at the concert. Seriously. It’s not that big a deal. Let it go.
Rumor 02: Chris got a text from another chick
The next unsubstantiated rumor I heard was that they were driving along, and Chris received a text message from some chick that wanted to hook up with him later on that evening. Somehow, Rihanna found out about this, and beef ensued.
First of all, if you’re the type of dude to a) have a girlfriend and b) still have OTHER girls that you mess with, ACT. AS. IF.:
- Act as if your extra girls are going to call you while you’re rolling down the street in a rented Lamborghini.
- DO NOT have your phone out in plain sight, where your girl can read the bootie-call message when it flashes on the screen while playing a ringtone from one of your own records about having sex with a girl behind your girlfriend’s back.
- DO keep your phone locked at all times.
- DO NOT honor your main squeeze’s requests to unlock your phone so she can see.
Unfortunately, even if the text/call you receive is “innocent” & platonic, there is nothing the next chick would like BETTER than to see you break up with your main girl. Nothing. All she needs to hear is that the two of you were spotted leaving XYZ establishment together in a nice car for her to go “OOOOOH!!! I’m gonna call him right now!”. Next thing you know, they’re suspending your commercial endorsement deals.
Question: Whose fault is this?
I just went back and looked over my list of ToS Violations, because I just realized that I left out “raising your hands to him”. I left it out, because stuff like that really doesn’t cross my mind. Getting hit by a chick that I’m messing with, “dating” or even FRIENDS WITH is absolutely unfathomable to me.
Sometimes, I get ahead of the game plan (not mine haha, hers!) and she’ll give me a verbal or physical notification that I’ve gone out of bounds.
Since my goal is for both of us to have a good time, we’ll talk about the issue, figure out the solution/boundary and then go back to “doing what we do”.
As far as I can recall, I’ve never been slapped by a chick when I didn’t fully deserve it.
Having said that… What I said above goes for WOMEN as much as it goes for men. In the hypothetical situation where your man receives a text message from another chick who wants to hook up with him, your responsibility is to “hold your head” or “maintain” or “keep your wits about you”, because you are NOT authorized to hit him because you lost your %&*#&$@ mind and didn’t know what to do with your nervous energy and suddenly-stressed emotional state other than put your hands up and strike a man.
I spoke about this in October, 2008 in “A Woman’s Place…”. While there are lots of guys that subscribe to “A man should *never* hit a woman under any circumstances”, there are enough men that DO NOT subscribe to this that make it DANGEROUS for women to hit men. Of course, there are also a lot of dangerous WOMEN that MEN don’t want to hit either hahaha, but the point is that being considered smaller or weaker than someone else does NOT give you carte blanche to physically lash out at that person and not expect for there to be consequences & repercussions.
This is why I disagree with elements of this recent Jay Smooth video where he interviews Elizabeth Mendez Berry, who wrote the Vibe magazine’s 2005 “Love Hurts” (PDF) feature about domestic violence within (and without) hip-hop:
4 minutes in, Jay says:
What do you say… I see so many reactions on the blog and stuff and a lot of it comes from women, saying “Well, if you expect to be equal, then if you hit him, you’ve got to expect he’s gonna hit you back. He’s got to be able to defend himself. What do you say to someone who’s looking at it that way?
And part of Elizabeth’s response is (and I understand that this was edited for brevity, so we don’t really know what her entire answer was):
[Edit point]I am responsible for my actions… If I hit my husband, he has every right to be upset with me… But the question is, does he have the right to hit me back? No. Each person is accountable for their own response and the choice that they make. [Edit Point] In a relationship, when you get upset, there’s a ton of different responses you could have. [Edit Point] And the question is… If I’m 5’4″ and I weigh 120 lbs, and my husband’s 6’5″, it’s not an equal and opposite reaction. [Edit Point]
Again… I know those were edited and we don’t know the entirety of what she said on the topic. Responding to the face value of her comments, as I’ve transcribed them in the blockquotes above, the first theory is absolutely wrong and the last statement isn’t a guarantee.
The way it works is… If you’re 5’4″ and your husband is 6’5″, survival instinct should dictate to you not to put your hands on him AT. ALL. Does that make sense?
Think about it this way… If you’re a 5’4″ female and you’re standing next to a 6′ tall female, are you going to put your hands on HER? Nope. Because she’ll beat you to a pulp and you won’t have anything to say about it because you’re both females.
Same thing with guys. Do shorter guys get a pass? Nope. You raise your hands to someone, that means you’re looking for a fight and you may very well get what you want. This is why in professional fighting (Boxing, MMA) they have WEIGHT CLASSES. They don’t allow the Welterweights to fight the Heavyweights. They don’t even allow the Light-Heavyweights to fight the Heavyweights.
So, at face value from the edit, her first theory is absolutely incorrect. The question isn’t whether her husband has the right to hit her back if she hits him. The question is whether she can control herself enough not to put her hands on him OR ANYONE ELSE in the first place.
The last part, where she mentions “equal and opposite reaction” isn’t guaranteed. If you slap somebody, they’re not obliged to slap you back and call it a day. You decided how you were going to start it and they’re going to decide how they want to finish it. This is why the high road in these situations is SELF CONTROL. Be the better man or woman when there’s a problem in your relationship. Recognize the alternatives and apply them when appropriate…. One of which is……..
Call the cops
If your girl can’t keep her hands to herself and you feel like you’re about to whip up on that ass, do yourself a favor and call the cops.
Turn her in. Drop dime.
Why this doesn’t usually happen
The problem… AGAIN… is pride. Dudes don’t want to look like a chump for calling the cops on some cro-mag female that can’t use her brain well enough to not put her hands on other people… ESPECIALLY people she’s supposed to be in some sort of special relationship with.
Strangely enough, they’re perfectly ok with looking like a chump for beating a chick up. Actually, it’s not even a female issue. They’re perfectly ok with looking like a chump for beating up someone below their weight class.
Let it go, guys. Just admit you made a poor choice in women, dump her, get a new chick and start all over. Turn her in or don’t, but this chick is a problem waiting to happen, so before you’re the next Chris Brown, all up in the tabloids because you couldn’t find a way to have a good time with a chick in a $200,000 sports car, let your next move be your BEST MOVE, return her to wherever you found her and only associate with women who are trying to move their lives AND YOURS in a positive direction.