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Is She dating You or Your Wallet?
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my blog via RSS feed or by eMail. Thanks for visiting! ~Bill
Tara Bahrampour posted an article in The Washington Post yesterday about guys who can’t buy girls any more due to the recession. BOO HOO HOO. Too Bad, So Sad. Easy Come, Easy Go. C’est La Vie.
See.. What happens when you rely on gimmicks to get raps is that when those gimmicks aren’t available to you anymore, you immediately revert back to Herb Status and your rap game is in the trash.
We’ve all had this happen to us on a temporary basis… You know, like that time you were like “I’m only going to the grocery store… No need to look savoir-faire”, and then you ran into the BANGIN’EST-LOOKING chick you’ve ever seen in your life near the Doritos and you’re like “OH. MY. *GOD*! Why didn’t I hook myself up before stepping outside???”
Now, that’s a temporary loss of confidence. As bad as that feels, try to imagine a PERMANENT loss of confidence as in you used to be “ballin’, shot callin’” and now you’re not. I already told y’all what to do if you already have a girlfriend, in “5 Ways To Keep Your Woman If You Get Laid Off”, but what happens if you thought you had it like that and you were still playing the field when you lost your job? WHOOPS! :D
Let’s check out some snippets from Tara’s article:
Dating Skills?
For many affected by the recession, dating is the least of their worries. But the market crash has had a particular impact on young adults who developed their dating skills in fat times, the twentysomethings who spent lavishly to show that they could afford the finer things. Now, with national unemployment rates at 8.8 percent for people 25 to 34, they are looking for more creative ways to attract partners — and reassessing what all that big spending really meant.
Sorry. That’s not “dating skills”. That’s called the ability to attract gold-diggers by dangling goods & services in front of their faces. That’s one step short of prostitution.
“More creative ways to attract partners”? How about CREATIVE ways to attract partners? “You give it up, and I shell out the ducats” is the oldest game in the book. Literally. The problem is that the media would have you believe that YOU are attractive to these women, when, in fact, the things you currently possess are what’s attractive to her.
You’re getting raps by proxy. If you don’t believe me, TRY not picking her up in your fancy car. Tell her ass to get on the subway from Brooklyn and come meet you for drinks in Manhattan. Try it. See what happens. :) If she doesn’t want to go, that means she wasn’t dating YOU, but she was dating the chauffeur that offers her free door-to-door service as well as picks up the tab for everything for her entire evening. Get the picture?
The way you GET girls is the way you HOLD girls. It’s also the way you LOSE girls. This means that by Angel-Investing in her social life you’re not doing anything that the next man can’t do for her if he has the same goods & services or better. If you can take her to the deuce (Times Square), the next man can take her to City Island. If you can take her to City Island, the next man can take her to Chicago. If you can take her to Chicago, the next man can take her to Paris. Capisce? It’s really in your best interest to figure out whether she’ll spend time with you AT ALL if you EVER stop spending big bucks on her. Srsly.
Clairvoyance?
“A large aspect of my life — three out of the first five conversations that we had — I told her, ‘You’re not going to see much of me in the next 15 years if we start dating, because I’m going to be making a lot of money.’ ” He thinks that worked in his favor, “not so much for the money, but for the drive. It’s one of those things in men that women find attractive.”
wow. just wow.
First of all, Nostradamus, how do YOU know what you’re going to be doing for the next 15 years to make a statement like that? (Obviously, he DIDN’T know, because he was interviewed for this article, which means his job situation changed WAY before 15 years were up). Second, how are you going to tell some chick that you’re trying to spend the next 15 years with (apparently, by that statement) that she’s not going to see much of you? Is that supposed to be a GOOD thing?
Unfortunately for the fellaz, for some women, that’s a REALLY good thing. The MORE money you can make and the LESS she can see you, that works the best for her gold-digging ass.
I’m TELLING you guys. MAKE SURE she wants to spend time with YOU and not whomever’s signing the checks. Yeah, women like “drive”, but if that’s your gimmick and your desire (or in this case, your ability) to keep making that money disappears… SHE might just disappear with it.
Understanding?
It’s been tough on his girlfriend, he said. “She knows that she needs to be this understanding, positive influence in my life. At the same time, there is a lot of fear on her part, knowing that my industry and the one that we had kind of mentally projected ourselves and our way of life on could be over, or at least on pause for a while.”
Uh Huh. So is she dating YOU or your “projected way of life”?
Figure it out.
Quickly.
A woman’s perspective?
“They’re spending more time at networking events, happy hours, with their guy friends — trying to get leads on jobs, rather than spending it on women,” she said. “I feel bad for the guys who don’t have jobs.”
Bad enough to date them? She smiled and shook her head. “I guess I’m kind of traditional. So if a guy can’t really take you out or doesn’t have the money or the state of mind to take girls out, then it’s not going to go anywhere.”
Traditional, huh? See what I mean? If she’s not going to START dating you if you can’t “take her out”, then what do you think’s gonna happen when you can’t AFFORD to take her out after you’re already in a so-called “relationship” with her? Is she dating YOU, or your wallet?
Figure it out.
Quickly.
Buying Women?
Not that there isn’t judging. “One of the first questions is: ‘What do you do? You own your own company? How many people work for you? Are you working at home or do you go to an office?’ They are literally sizing you up.” And, he said, he doesn’t blame them — especially if the girl is beautiful. “They can afford to be picky.”
Hmm… “Especially if the girl is beautiful”. :) Do you realize that “She looks good enough to get money for sex” is the description of a HOOKER? And I don’t want to hear it from the ladies that the word ’sex’ wasn’t mentioned, because it’s ALWAYS about sex, haha. Keep your eyes on the prize.
See, this is part of the problem that keeps this cycle of GARBAGE going. Guys go “Damn! She’s so hawt! I’d pay to have sex with her!” and then they start buying stuff for the attractive girls and completely ignoring the women the’re not sexually interested in. After that, the hot chicks start thinking they DESERVE to have stuff bought for them and start shutting down guys that aren’t shelling out. Guys get used to this and lure chicks from other guys with more goods & services. At some point, these guys start to believe this counts as “dating skills”, so when they can’t buy girls, they’re like “Where did my rap game go?”.
Meanwhile, when the next man buys “their woman” out from under them, they’re like “What happened to my relationship?”. You didn’t have one. She was in a relationship with your purchasing power. Also, you gassed her head up so badly that she feels like she DESERVES “the best guy”, which in her skewed estimation is the guy that can buy her the most stuff. Don’t get mad at her NOW, because YOU enabled her mentality by paying her off to get with you in the first place.
Prevention or Cure?
The way I see it, there are at least two ways around this situation. The first one is to date women that “have their own”. I know I said “Only Date Broke Chicks”, but that only works if they have the personalities to not become BUMS once they realize they’re with a guy that can & will provide for them for their entire lives. Date intelligent and ambitious women who are more concerned with what’s in THEIR OWN POCKETS than what’s in yours.
The other way is to screen women ASAP, assuming you’re a good judge of character. Stop BALLIN’ all the time, and take her on some cheap-ass dates! ‘Matter of fact, take her on dates you don’t EXPECT her to like and see how she reacts to it. Take her to the park, buy her a hot dog and a soda and sit down next to the lake and talk to her. If she gets all fidgety and uncomfortable, dump her and stick to chicks that enjoy spending time WITH YOU instead of using you to finance their social lives and “projected lifestyles”.
~Bill
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That train picture is HAWT. I want it for my fridge.
Thank ye, ma’am. :)
NYC FTW!!! :D
Speak the truth my dude!!! As a matter of fact its not unbearably cold out today I think the misses and I shall go to the park for a chat alongside the lake. I have to make sure not to forget the hot dog and cream soda either. YA DIG?! ;-)
lolol Good luck man! :D Hopefully, “She’s one of the good ones”! ;) hahaha
That kind of article seriously gets up my nose. Throughout my dating history, I’ve had experiences with men who had the moolah, and it wasn’t all that.
I remember one date who drove up in a huge car, took me to a restaurant and a play. It was pleasant, but he was boring. And when I wasn’t that keen to go out again, he certainly seemed a little miffed. Another guy I knew came to a designer boutique while I was trying on some clothes. He insisted on buying me an expensive coat, but guess what – it was the one he liked, rather than something I really wanted! Another guy was exciting and fun, and he spent money all night like it was water. While I did like him, I did think – cripes, won’t he be bankrupt in ten years? Another guy I went on a date with, kept going on about how women who date are on a dinner circuit – like they just want to be taken out to nice restaurants and have expensive meals paid for them.
Seriously, this bullshit is annoying as hell.
First, being paid for all night is uncomfortable. All interaction in life is about giving and taking. I’m not talking about money in particular, but you know how even in friendship, it’s about a two-way flow, whether it’s listening to someone’s problems first and then sharing your own. In a dating scenario, if the only currency in question is how much money he’s spending on you – then how am I supposed to return the flow? Inevitably, there’ll be a feeling that you’re beholden to the guy. Nothing ickier than sex with someone because you feel like you owe it to them. Even if you don’t sleep with them, what are you supposed to do all night to pay back? Boost their ego? Boring!
Secondly, if the guy is boring or not your type, and he’s paid for an expensive date, you’d feel terribly guilty for not agreeing to a second date. Worse, you’d feel compelled to agree to a second date BECAUSE, you’re afraid that if you say no, he’d accuse you of being on the dinner circuit. Arg, again, one’s true choice is marred by stupid feelings of obligation and anxiety instead of – do you actually want to spend more time with this chap?
Thirdly, even if a woman is that poor and would like to experience of going to a nice restaurant she could not otherwise afford, let’s look at the hard facts.
A meal usually takes at least 2 hours. There’s the pre-dinner conversation, the decision-making process, the waiting for the food, eating and post-dinner pleasantries. That’s a lot of damn talking with someone you have no interest in, which means a lot of pretending to be pleasant and interested. I don’t know about you, but that’s hard work.
Also, being bored and pretending causes stress. As stress levels increase, so does the acidity levels in your system, which in turn causes bad digestion and discomfort. Even if the food turns out delicious (and let’s face it, sometimes the food in restaurants can be disappointing), you’re probably going to feel the worse for it afterwards. Then finally, there’s the whole expectation factor agai after the meal. Would he turn out to be a jerk that would expect something in return? Worse, if he turns out to be a nice fellow, it’ll feel mean to not agree to a second date.
Let’s say dinner comes out to a couple of hundred dollars. That’s a hundred dollars for two hours of work. Come on, we can earn that money ourselves!
And this is just on a dating level, I can’t even imagine the power struggles, expectations and problems if you actually have a relationship with a guy who is just about earning lots of money.
By the way, did you know there’s a blog out there that’s written by women who are dating or just dumped their rich finance boyfriends who have been made redundant by the credit crunch? Seriously, very funny but also very sad!
oh boy… ANOTHER ONE that I’m going to need to make into a blog post hahaha :D
You bring up several great points here that I *WILL* address properly, but the short version is that this is another problem with gimmicks. When guys (or gals) get used to them, they LEEEEEEEAN on them like crazy. So if you have the car, you don’t have to have a personality. If you have the apartment, you don’t have to be a decent host. If you have the money for dinner, you don’t have to turn her on in order to try for that goodnight kiss when you’re parting company…
Gimmicks are fine for getting your foot in the door like an encyclopedia salesman, but if your plan is to do more than “Hit it & Quit it” or “Pump it & Dump it” then you’re better off sticking to sustainable behavior. That guy was either going to go bankrupt or get tired of fakin’ the funk and stop shellin’ out that much anyway once he got what he wanted.
we wouldn’t have to buy girls if we had that cammack hair gene XD
hahaha Yeah, well, that’s a NATURAL GIMMICK hahaha :p
That and other reasons are why DatingGenius isn’t about what *I* would or should do, but what OTHER PEOPLE should or would do, hahaha. I tend to get away with ish you only see in movies. ;)
“Gimmicks are fine for getting your foot in the door like an encyclopedia salesman, but if your plan is to do more than “Hit it & Quit it†or “Pump it & Dump it†then you’re better off sticking to sustainable behavior.”
Ahahahaha. Well, that’s only if some woman is dumb enough to buy without really seeing the goods. Otherwise, still no closing sale!
hehe True Dat! :) … Except some guys don’t think it through that far. They just tend to go all out in the beginning stages of the rap and have nothing left in reserve for the midgame & endgame.
It’s better to hover near your sustainable personality so you don’t get to a point where you start acting drastically different and she feels like something’s changed about your relationship, when, in reality, you just lost your incentive to maintain the facade.
“I tend to get away with ish you only see in movies.”
Ha, I see!
LOL Wow I have stepped out of the house looking all crazy and those are the days when you see all of the cute men. As for the men and the recession. In the words of a wonderful country music song. You find out who your friends are….
Yeah. For real. “You find out who your friends are”.
You know, it’s kind of funny… Maybe I should advocate “leaving the house looking all crazy” to women who think their men aren’t with them for sex or because they look FOYINE, so they can see their man’s reaction to them looking busted for a change.
Thanks for the comment, Gladys. :D
It’s unfortunate, but evolution has to work off of SOMETHING! :D
I agree with you that there are A LOT of women who will do whatever they have to do to get their hands on a guy’s money. At the same time, there are lots of guys who do what WE have to do to get a chick to do the right thing, so it’s often a power struggle between people that are supposed to be on the same side.
Do I think it’s ever going to change? No. Money Talks. I’ve seen it a gazillion times. The only good part about it is that chicks that are with a guy for his money often aren’t dedicated to him emotionally, which opens the door for lots of other opportunities.. O_o