Bill Cammack

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my blog via RSS feed or by eMail. Thanks for visiting! ~Bill

It’s very tough for me to write this morning (Saturday, March 07, 2009). I have a couple of topics, but they’re only partial thoughts. Normally, when I post, I can see all the way to the end before I even start writing.

I had a really *QUALITY* time last night, and it’s blocking my ability to think. Thank You. ;)

Thoughts keep starting and stopping. Strangely enough, it’s like my (current) sidebar widget that spins my tag words around in a “cat-ball” that you can click on to see posts tagged with that word. Concepts enter, and I think they’re going somewhere, and then they just fade away and disappear… eventually to be replaced by another fleeting thought.

A reader asked me if I had mistakenly used the term “diluted” instead of “deluded” the other day when I was talking about people. I said something like “people dilute themselves”, and they thought I might have meant “people delude themselves”. What I didn’t express well enough by using a term that I made up myself and then not explaining it (another great sentence by me! :D )

I’m going to start all over.

I write by Stream of Consciousness:

Ostensibly unedited, spontaneous live or recorded performances, as in film, music, and dramatic and comic monologues, intended to recreate the raw experience of the person portrayed or the performer.

Mostly, what I write is what I’m thinking at the time, which is why it’s essentially the same “show” when people talk to me as it is when people read my dating blog posts. Because of this, there are times where I don’t fully explain something, because it makes perfect sense to me. Like I wouldn’t explain how to greenscreen (bluescreen) myself, I’d just do it:

So anyway, what I didn’t properly explain was that by being inauthentic with people, you’re diluting their experience of you. All these games that you play… All these hoops you want people to jump through… All these times that you’re requesting for them to demonstrate to you WHY they should START being who they really CAN be for you, it’s really putting you in a bad light.

I know it seems like you’re being powerful in your relationships. I know it seems like you’re controlling your own destiny, except the destiny you’re creating isn’t the one you would have lived into if you had been authentic from the giddyap. When you place conditions on your way of being… When you essentially barter with people as far as which “You” you’re bringing to the table today, they’re going to recognize you as someone who COULD be better, but CHOOSES NOT TO.

By choosing not to be the best person you can be for someone that you’re attempting to have some form of romantic relationship to, you’re letting them know that you’re fully willing to waste their time until the fulfill your requirements. Does that seem cool to you? Does that seem sexy to you? Is that the type of person that YOU would consider being in a long-term relationship with? Someone who willfully and deliberately wastes your time?

The funny thing about this is that guys tolerate it every day. It’s one of the ‘costs’ of getting on (having sex). Not only do guys tolerate it, they get used to it. It’s part of the deal. It’s basically “She’s going to be completely useless until I finally hit the right buttons for her to be the person I came to see”. Trust Me… This is *NOT* how you want ANYBODY to view you… ESPECIALLY NOT someone you claim to want to be in a romantic LTR with.

This is one of the areas that women get blindsided from on a regular basis. This is one of the reasons a lot of women get dumped after sex, even after holding out for long enough that they feel like the guy won’t consider them a ho. It’s because guys will TOLERATE YOU just so they can get on. As soon as they get a better deal, they’re GHOST, and you’ll never hear from them again. All that ordering him around and nagging him and refusing to live up to your own potential in the relationship and setting up hoops for him to jump through… You think he liked that? hahaha  Nah… He did it all for the nookie, y’unnastand?

Of course, guys are guilty of DoE also. Just because you’ve got a girl now doesn’t mean you can slack off on telling her how attractive she is or doing whatever you did to bag her in the first place. If you get caught slippin’, Trust & Believe she’ll be outta here like Belevdere.

So, my suggestion, to everyone, is to put your best foot forward at all times (as much as possible). I’m not talking about your “dating best foot forward”, which is that fakeness people like to bring to the table to act like they’re the life of the party and whatnot, when they’re actually the bump on the log in their everyday existence. If people normally see you all disheveled and unkempt and covered in mud (inside joke, hehe), you may as well stay that way when you decide to go out on a date with them. You’ve already diluted their perception of you with eight parts unkempt and one part spiffy.

This is REALLY a big problem for women who like to try to switch gears after the fact. The mentality of “This isn’t a date, so I don’t have to look good” is completely ruining your opportunities. I keep saying, and people keep trying to dispute that there are too many available, attractive women in New York City for y’all to be slackin’ in the looks department and think you’re going to catch a guy’s eye. I was in a small spot last night and took a look around at what HAD to be approximately a 9:1 ratio of women to men, not counting the staff.

Ladies, there is no reason at all for you not to look impressive when you walk out the door. I’m not saying that so that *I* have more women to check out. When you know you’re looking good, you’re going to feel better about yourself and that’s going to shine through in how you carry yourself. Your confidence will be higher as well, which you’ll need when that guy you’ve been checking out walks across the room specifically to make your acquaintance.

Of similar import is throwing acting like you don’t like guys when you do out the window. It really doesn’t cost you anything to be pleasant or nice to people. Are there guys that will attempt take advantage of you if they realize you like them? Sure… Except if that’s what they want to do, they would have tried to take advantage of you REGARDLESS of how you acted towards them.

Finally, having your own opinion is critical. There’s way too much “Go along to get along” on the dating scene. “You believe that? Well then… So do I! :D ” No good. Get it out of the way up front. If there’s something that doesn’t work between you, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later.

Anyway, that was my attempt at a coherent post for this morning. I’m still as blank as I was when I started… which is a good thing… a REALLY good thing. :) I just had a slice of pizza and now, I think I’m going back to sleep. I’m really too smoothed-out after a QUALITY evening to even begin to want to hear about what online chaos occurred last night while I was out on the town having a good time.

~Bill

Twitter: BillCammack
Facebook Fan Page: Bill Cammack
DatingGenius Category: billcammack.com/category/datinggenius
Subscribe to DG!: feeds.feedburner.com/BillCammackDatingGenius
 

Related Posts

• World In My Eyes (Happy New Year!!!)
• Running Dogs
• Video Games & Dating, Part 01
• Big City Dating (Meet The Parents)
• Street Game 01: Denial & Experience