The point being that you’re going to receive them regardless of how you attempt to frame your interaction with a guy, due to his past experiences.

Yeah.. First of all, if y’all messed for months, the alcohol excuse is out the window. That only works in a spur-of-the-moment, one-night-only situation, and it barely works even then. He was just being dumb with what he was saying.

As far as calling the next woman after rolling off of you, that’s just lame. :D

As far as the next dude, if FWB is your style, go for it. Otherwise, veto it.

I hear what you’re saying about the “bad repuation” thing. There are too many people here in NYC. I can meet a chick, mess with her, and never see her ever again in life, even though we live in the same city. What you don’t want is for people to pass the word around that you’re good FWB material.. Not because there’s any stigma attached to that, but because guys will do the least they need to do to get on. If your goal is to have an actual boyfriend, you don’t want guys to feel like they can just hit it and quit it as much as they like, because that’s how you roll.

Also, if dude is significantly younger than you, he’s going to consider you a MILF or Cougar, which comes with its own set of stereotypes.

Figure out what you want, and then stick to your guns. If you feel like messing with several random dudes, do that. If you feel like trying to get a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with one guy, do that.

This guy shoved his game down my throat even though I told him his explainations and excuses were not necessary. I suspect he did that to satisfy his own guilt for cheating on her. Letting me know the whole thing-spanned over an approximate 3 months-was an accidental drunken blur to him was for me, almost as low as when he opened his cell and called wifeypoo less than a minute after we’d finished having sex the last time-from my bed while I was still naked next to him!! I did not need a brush off speech as I did not pursue him, lay relationship expectations on him or badger him afterward demanding answers or attention. Bad overall experience for me with a very rude man. He immediately went into this weird we hate each other mode and upholds that to this day when I see him around even in front of common friends who know what happened. Hello wall, how the hell are ya! Now I have another 30 something year old who wants to know if I’m interested in being his friend with benefits…I don’t expect flowers and candy the next morning but am also in no hurry to go through all that again. I’m in a smaller city where a bad reputaion goes in the ground with you when you die…here we can’t disappear into a crowd like a person can in a bigger city. There are people in commom in every direction around here. At my age I do not need a man 10-15 years my junior making a complete fool out of me and acting like a 7th grade jackass when he’s done doing it.

However, this offer does have obvious appeal ;o)

What to do, what to do..

First of all, any guy who’s married is going to say his home life is unhappy and he’s leaving her. That’s Standard Operating Procedure. Don’t even listen when you hear stuff like that. Dudes have to say that to get women to spread their legs.

He was lying about the drunken mistake too, if y’all hooked up multiple times.

I suspect he was just trying to say something that he saw in the movies makes women go away and never bother a dude ever again.

The thing is that most guys aren’t successful with women at all, so when they finally DO hook up, they aren’t sure how to get her to go away. They spend all their time learning how to get laid, and then after the fact, they don’t have any plays in their playbook.

Why would a guy bother telling me I was a drunken mistake, rather than just not call me again? I went from thinking…dang I just totally boned the shit outta someone more than 10 years younger than I am and I kept up with pretty damn good…to a totally deflated ego…this guy rocked it and then ruined it within hours. This happened almost 2 years ago and it still stings. He tried to feed he looks at me as a friend but that’s where I drew my line.