Planners vs. Spontaneous People

Posted by Bill Cammack On April - 14 - 2009

One of the reasons I don’t get involved in Pair-Bonding or Serial Monogamy is that I enjoy the spontaneity of life. I really DETEST when I know what’s going to happen the next day, or really, today’s afternoon, evening or night. The only time I know these things for sure is when I get booked to work on-site for a client. Mostly, I work off-site, so I get things done when they GET done, so long as it’s before the deadline. This means I might be working at 3am and sleeping at 1pm. I might work all the way through Saturday and Sunday and then have the weekdays completely to myself. Ultimately, I do WHAT I want to do, WHEN I want to do it, and that’s the way I like it. :D

Bill & KVI suppose this comes from growing up in New York City, I mean, other than genetic predisposition. :D All we did was go to school, play sports, hang out with the fellaz and chase chicks. I didn’t even drink at the time, which seems to be a “Well.. DUH” statement, except that friends of mine in 5th grade were having parties where they raided their parents’ liquor cabinets every weekend (at least), so I’ve been aware of alcohol since then, but I wasn’t interested. Chicks are my high.

So, as we were hanging out, we never knew WHAT was going to happen, but SOMETHING always happened. I suppose “the wonders of life” can become addicting when you have so many fun and interesting experiences, some fanatstic, some awful, some disgusting, but nevertheless SOMETHING always happening, and you always have “war stories” the next time you run into your friends.

Mixing all these elements together.. My taste in chicks is different from day to day… Really, from minute to minute. :D All I really know is that I’m turned on by her… RIGHT NOW… or I’m not. Also, being attracted to Chick[x] doesn’t preclude me from simultaneously being attracted to her best friend, her sister and her mother, provided they’ve “got it like that”. Other than an extraordinary circumstance, like when I was with my ex for over three years, I’m completely disinterested in seeing the same chick every day.

Of course, lots of guys feel this way and they “Fake it ’till they make it”, feigning relationships to women in order to lock down guaranteed access to sex with them while mentally remaining single. If you’re not physically spending time with your so-called “significant other” every day, it’s easy enough to carry on several of these “relationships” at a time. One chick gets the weekend and another one gets Tuesday & Wednesday. I’ve actually gone off on a tangent, haha…

The upside of the spontaneous lifestyle is that there’s always action, at least in a town like New York City. There’s ALWAYS something to do or be involved in. It’s just an issue of whether you want to bother to do it or not. The downside is that the outcome isn’t guaranteed. The end of the night can be a complete ZERO, whereas the guy who pair-bonded is gleefully reading books with his girlfriend like he likes to do every single evening. The thing about this is that even with the night ENDING as a zero, it actually WASN’T a zero, because I was in the game the whole time. I was striving for something good to happen, and that’s what keeps me interested, thinking and motivated.

This is also what I enjoy about spontaneous days. Anything could happen. After I write this, I might edit a video I shot yesterday. I might shoot some more today to get “coverage”, and I also realized that I didn’t get to shoot segments I wanted because it took me so long to get the basics recorded. I might hang out with a friend for lunch. I might go out later this evening. I might be contacted for emergency work that someone needs done by tomorrow and agree to spend my day making that happen. I might eat pizza. I might have a brew or six. I may have ALREADY done BOTH today! ;) I might spend time with people I already know. I might meet a completely new chick today that changes my opinion about what I want to do tomorrow……

Planners

This is why I don’t get along well with “planners”. A planner is someone who you can ask “What’s New?” and receive a detailed list of what they’re going to do and where they’re going to be for the next entire week.

I was in contact with a friend of mine, like on a Friday or something, and she says “Let’s hang out next Monday”. So I’m like “You mean Monday coming up, or the Monday AFTER that?”. She says the Monday after that, to which I replied something that equated to “Good luck with that.” :D I knew that I would have been able to retain in memory a hangout with her a couple of days from when we were talking, but over a week was entirely impossible. I ended up talking with another chick that “Next Monday” morning, who asked me if I was going out with anyone that night. I thought about it for a few seconds and was like “nope”. Later that evening, around 6pm, the planner chick contacted me, talkin’ ’bout “Are we still getting together tonight?”. Needless to say, that was a WRAP, because I had most likely forgotten about her a few hours (?minutes?) after finding out she wanted to hang out more than a week from when I was talking to her.

Feelings

The reason why I do just about *anything* is “Because I Felt Like It”. An idea is brought up to me, and it occurs to me as something compelling or it doesn’t. If I’m interested… If I can FEEL it… I’m likely to go for it. Unfortunately, there’s a statute of limitations on what I can feel, haha. Interests become temporary as they’re replaced with a new and more immediate focus.

This is my problem with planners. At the time that I’m talking to them, I’m interested in seeing them. There’s NO TELLING what I’m going to feel at the time that our “plan” comes around. The only good thing about it is that you DEFINITELY have ownership of their time for that particular period, because they’ve blocked other people from that time other than yourself. The problem with owning that time is that by the time it rolls around, I’m no longer interested in it. In its current state, it’s “something to do” which is way less appealing than many other things to do that I can actually FEEL at that particular point in time.

Another problem with planners is that regardless of how much of a good time you have with them, you know you won’t be picking that up for another two or three weeks (read: an entire lifetime). It’s rather weird in a town where you can meet a girl any day of the week or EVERY day of the week to consider “Next month, on the 14th, I’m going to spend time with Chick[x]”. It just doesn’t compute. There’s no value to that particular day over all the days in between, where you’re spending time with women that want to spend time with you, and even if you’re not, at least you’re ‘in the game’, LOOKING for them! :D

Alarms

The obvious question is “Why don’t you use alarms/calendars to keep up with these future events?”. The obvious answer is that all that would do is remind me about something that I wasn’t feeling anymore, which is intrinsically useless to me. That would be like reminding myself to eat steak for lunch on Tuesday, and then when Tuesday rolls around, I want pepperoni pizza. What am I supposed to do? Eat steak because I made that decision DAYS AGO, or eat pizza because I feel like it right now? Pizza Wins! :D

Granted, there are times that it’s best to ‘take one for the team’ and agree to future engagements, knowing full well that you’re not going to be interested when that time rolls around. Sometimes, it’s better to spend a few hours together two weeks from now than not to spend any time at all, and hope that you’ll be able to rev up to your A-Game under less-than-optimum social circumstances.

Vice Versa

Chillin' in BrooklynMeanwhile, spontaneous people like me are insanely annoying to planners. :D All the time, probably every single day, someone asks me “What are you doing on such and such a date?” and my answer, invariably is “I dont’ know”, unless I already have something to do on that day. So the only two options are “Maybe you can get that time, check back with me in the future” or “You can’t get it”. The reason is that I’m *ALWAYS* going to go with the flow, unless someone’s paying me to do otherwise.

If you told me about an event two weeks ago and someone informs me of something 3 hours before your event starts that I’m feeling more than that, you won’t see me. If I told you I was going to have lunch with you, and a client calls and wants to book time today, you won’t see me (assuming I actually feel like doing the work). Obviously, this unreliability spirals into the lack of desire by the planner to make plans with a spontaneous individual, because the plans are never actually confirmed until the last minute.

Personally, I find it tough to bring my A-Game to situations I’m not interested in. This is another problem for planners, because they’re not likely to experience THE BEST of the spontaneous person they’ve scheduled time with. They’re not likely to hit that peak of interest where I’m REALLY focused on them and intent on showing them a grand time.

Planners also find it annoying that spontaneous people don’t want to make plans with them. How am I supposed to know TODAY that I want to see you next month on the 14th? I don’t.. And if I’m being honest with you, I’ll pencil in something tentative with you and not confirm until I’m honestly willing to commit to the date and time. Meanwhile, there are lots of guys that are willing to plan, plan, plan their entire social calendar, so planning females end up spending more time with planning males.

Solutions

I think the solution between a planner and a spontaneous person is to agree to disagree, for better or for worse. If the VALUE is there, on both sides, then compromises will be made and they’ll spend time together when they spend time together. If the value ISN’T there, it’s like “who cares?”. The spontaneous person keeps inviting the planner to things they never go to on the spur of the moment and the planner keeps inviting the spontaneous person to future events that they never confirm, until one of them gets bored with the process and drops it altogether.

Actually, this is a good time to bring back the tangent I went off on earlier. Women who are planners have the problem of guys knowing where they’re going to be at all times. This makes it much easier to date multiple chicks, because there’s no concern that Chick[x] is going to show up while you’re kickin’ it with Chick[y]. It’s much tougher to “cheat” on spontaneous chicks, because they call or text you while you’re doin’ the do, and then they want to know why it took you eight hours to return their messages, haha :D

Ultimately, I think planners are better as SOs, because once you can get them to plan their entire lives around YOU, it’s a wrap. Spontaneous people are always liable to do something you didn’t want them to do, just because they felt like it at the time. It seems to me that two planners hooking up should have long-term potential, while two spontaneous people might make some sporadic and interesting sparks, but ultimately forget about each other as they head in different directions to chase that next high.

So, are you spontaneous, or a planner?… How’s that workin’ for ya? :D

~Bill

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17 Responses to “Planners vs. Spontaneous People”

  1. Sean Cottman says:

    Nice !!!! Well said. This coming from a guy who went to africa for 4 months with 2 weeks planning and no one could understand it. My brother from another mother!!! LOL. Nice bike BTW, I have a GXR 1100.

    Holla

    Sean Cottman

    • Bill Cammack says:

      haha Thanks, Sean :D

      There are definitely times when planners need to take the bull by the horns and go for something that’s out of the ordinary, because it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

      There are also times when spontaneous people need to slow the game down and fit themselves into the schedule of a planner if the value’s there and that’s really the only way they’re going to potentially become closer to that person.

  2. I’m spontaneous and married a guy who’s a planner. Works out pretty nicely, when we don’t drive each other nuts. I think you are right, it’s harder on him than me. After all, I’m gonna go with the flow, no matter. But I tend to mess up his schedule now and then with my ideas. But there should be enough independent space in any relationship for both individuals to be, well, individuals — to do their own thing. I might go to an event without him, if he doesn’t like the last minute decision. And we can both be okay with that.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Hey Lisa :)

      I agree that the person that goes with the flow is going to be cool with what the planner comes up with in a situation like yours, where the people have already decided to be together. Basically, regardless of who plans what or who doesn’t plan what, y’all are going to be “together” to a degree, regardless. The only thing that’s being decided is what y’all are going to do as a team and what you’re going to do individually.

      I think when it’s people trying to get to know each other, there’s energy lost from the situation when the spontaneous person that might want to kick it with them the next day has to wait a week or so to get back on track. I also think that by the time that week rolls around, so much interesting stuff has happened that it’s just not as important to spend time with that person when the schedule hits.

      When people are already together, in whatever capacity, even though the relationship may be stalling, event-wise, because they don’t want to do the same things at the same time, they’re STILL connected to each other every single day, which definitely counts as progression, as they’re learning about each other all the time, for better or for worse.

  3. Margaret Bravo says:

    Ok, after reading this,the question that I was left with was “Why can’t we be both?” Aren’t there aspects of our lives that we methodically map out while we do the other stuff on the fly?
    Don’t we need a blend to function?
    Just curious…

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Hey Margaret! :D

      I would agree with you that people are going to do what works for them at whatever time. The point I was trying to make, and I don’t know that I really expressed it fully, is that if you take two people that fundamentally see things differently, you might run into problems that you can’t explain that are actually being caused by this difference.

      Also, as I just mentioned to Lisa, this would be different for people that are living together or married or whatever, because regardless of what you plan or don’t, you’re still going to be around each other, causing progression of the relationship.

      Let’s say there’s a gal that’s spontaneous and a guy that’s a planner (assuming that they each had to bring this one trait to the table in this instance). If they go out on a date, that’s because the guy scheduled her in. Let’s say they have a great time. The next day, she could say “Someone gave me tickets to the Rangers’ Game!” and he’s like “Can’t go. I told X I was going to do Y”. The day after that, she’d like to go out for sushi and invite him to come with. “Nope. I told Z I was going to do Q”. On and on until he’s scheduled her in for another event, somewhere in the future.

      I feel like there’s going to be an energy leak there, and the next time they actually go out, the guy will have lost out on her initial energetic exuberance towards spending time with him again. On top of that, she knows that after this period of time is up today, she’s not going to see him again for another few weeks. You can argue that this is going to work in the guy’s advantage, as “absence makes the heart grow fonder”, but you can also argue that after a while, she’s going to be less enthusiastic about the situation and potentially not at all.

      This is why situations where people are living together are different. Regardless of events or the lack thereof, the people are still in contact with each other and their relationship’s probably moving in either a positive or negative direction because of it.

  4. Annie says:

    i like to think I’m both.

    1) I don’t like “not planning” at all – since that means my calendar is just wide open and I’m swayed by other people’s suggestions and sometimes, because I haven’t got anything else to do, I may end up doing something I don’t really want to do.

    2) I also prefer to do a little thinking and planning around what I want first, and then when things turn up, I can re-evaluate between options rather than have only one option.

    3) Also, some things can only happen with some planning – like trying to organize a get-together with people in different cities etc. If I don’t plan = then it isn’t going to be possible.

    4) I like to have my logistics sorted to the best optimum. With no planning, I could end up going up and down the city just to to get clothes or bits and pieces. With a little foresight, I can save myself some time, money and effort. Also, it means i get a chance to put my best foot forward.

    5) Finally, after all the planning, I’m not too precious about anything. If someone cancels on me, or something else turns up and it’s not too rude to let someone else down, I’m happy to readjust. Also, I might just invite the person I was scheduled to meet along to the new cool thing – so it’s all good.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Excellent points, Annie :D

      A lot of people have been walking that “both” line today. I see that a common thread through your points is having some sort of goal. “I don’t want to do ‘whatever’, so I plan things for myself to do”.. “I’m going to another town, so I want to make sure I have things to do”.. I’m going to the shopping area anyway, so let me make sure I get everything I need down there”.

      Reading your points, I’m considering that maybe this isn’t a planning/not planning issue, but rather a goal-oriented vs. non-goal-oriented personality clash I’m attempting to talk about.

      I agree entirely that it’s important to plan ahead if you have goals you’re attempting to accomplish. If you DON’T, then goals appear out of thin air and arrive as urges or cravings rather than things that you planned to do.

      For instance, if someone emails me about going dancing on a particular evening, since I have no actual goal of going dancing, I’ll consider the invitation and I might even enjoy considering dancing with her at the time that I read the email. Once that date and time roll around, however, I weigh my current real-time desire to do that with my current desire to do anything else, haha and statistically, “anything else” wins out. :D

      OTOH, If I had had a predetermined goal to dance with said person at some time, the invitation to go dancing would appear to me as an opportunity for goal-fulfillment and I might just pencil it in and actually show up. :)

      Interesting. Thanks for the ideas, Annie. ;)

  5. Nice article Bill!

    I am spontaneous, and I do agree with you 100% about how planning can mess up one’s quality of life. Unfortunately majority of people nowadays and mainly in metro cities are owned by their calendars and drone-like – missing on life chasing vapor that is promised to arrive in the future. A great depiction of what I feel about time is the “Time” painting towards the end/right of this page http://zarbailov.com/paintings.htm

    Great examples about scheduling a week or more in advance just to hang around… A good example comes to mind in the video called “My Love (Episode 4) (NY) 2004″ @ 15:00 into it on this page http://bit.ly/x8dtO

    The most spontaneous thing I ever done was in Amsterdam when I was filming The Truth Is… project. I was couchsurfing there and my hosts mentioned about hitchhiking. The next day a girl participating in my project liked suggested to visit Brussels. When I told her that I am a starving artist, she said that I could hitchhike there, about 3 hours away from Amsterdam by car. She starts drawing the map showing how to get on the outskirt of Amsterdam to get on the highway. She even told me how to sneak in at the rear of the tram to avoid paying 2 euros. I really felt the sign… two mentions about hitchhiking within last day or so, that’s definitely a sign. So, it’s noon, October sunshine, I have all the ammo (batteries, 12 video tapes). I follow the girl’s map, see a huge hotel next to the highway, waltz into the restaurant of it, ask for a piece of carton and get offered a marker as well. Make a sign that say on one side BRUSSELS, and the other side – UTRECHT (that’s about half way to Brussels suggested by the guy who gave me the marker). Standing at the last traffic light towards the ramp heading towards Brussels. One hour passes, no one stops, make a phone call to my couchsurfing hosts to let them know about my rendezvous that could stretch out to maybe even couple of weeks, get a blessing, leaving my whole editing equipment, about $10k worth at their. Fifteen minutes later a small car picks me up with two guys in it, they drive me to Utrecht – half way to Brussels, drop me off at a gas station which doesn’t receive too many cars. I wait a bit and head out to the side of the highway while still looking over to the gas station to flash the sign at exiting cars when with a tip of my right eye I see a car slowing down pass me, I turn around, the car stopped waiting for me… :)
    I run up to it, the guy tells me he’s going home to Gent (already in Belgium) located an hour away from Brussels. I’m in his car and I ask him if I can use his internet to hopefully find a place to stay on couchsurfing.com in Brussels, he says even if you don’t find you can stay with us for the night. Yay!! :) His friends call him and invite him to a romantic dinner party, he asks me if I want to join… I feel like I am in heaven… Gent is amazing city with some of the kindest people humanity has to offer. I ended up staying there for five days. One foggy cold morning I finally hitch a ride out to Brussels, mind you still not being able to find a place to stay there. I get to Brussels and it turns out to be the worst place ever for filming The Truth Is… project. People are very snobby and don’t want you to approaching them speaking English, like in Paris. So after a few hours of disappointment and seeing the Moniken piss (the little pissing boy, who saved Brussels from Nazi’s bombs) I get to film a Russian couple around 60 year old who told me that they are from Brooklyn as well on vacation in Europe, and in three hours taking their rental Mercedes back to Dusseldorf Germany, about 5 hours driving, they came to see Brussels for a day or two. The guy says, well if you come by our hotel at the time we leave you can join us to Dusseldorf. Couldn’t be better, screw Brussels!!! (this was the destination mind you.. :). I am all exuberant like I am on LSD, head down into Brussels subway to kill time, film the “Subway people” project of mine (I have footage from most major cities around the world I’ve been to). At their hotel I see an internet terminal, free for the guests, I get on it and start sending out requests to couchsurfers in Dusseldorf, asking if they say yes to include their address and cell # so I can just call them and head out to them upon arrival. Five hours later we are in Dusseldorf, they drop me off in a small town on the outskirt of the city. I quickly find internet cafe, log on, one guy says I can host you but tomorrow evening, luckily he includes his cell, and it’s around 6pm. I call him and tell him the situation, he says no problem, tell me directions to take a 2 euro rail and he will meet me up at the station. I didn’t see him so I headed out straight to his address. Ten fifteen minutes later he shows up at his door step and another five days of my life get spontaneous rendezvous in Dusseldorf. I hitch a ride to the capital of Germany – Berlin. Took about 6-7 hours, switching at least 7 cars/trucks and then a cheap 5 euro ride on the rail. I arrive in Berlin and my host picks me up from the train station, despite having a cold, shows me Berlin in his white Mercedes for 45 minutes as if I am the president of the world :). I have another five days of exuberance in Berlin, eating Turkish swarmas on the cheap, visiting art scenes and making friends right and left. Hitch a day’s worth trip back to Amsterdam switching so many cars/trucks I lost count… By the time I am back with my couchsurfing hosts in Amsterdam I realized that within these two weeks I only spent around 20-30 euros… Tell me if a planner can do this… :)

    Bill, would you like write for Innomind.org? :)
    Innomind.org is a non-profit web site which shares ideas related to improving quality of life though art and innovation.

    Cheers

    Renat

    • Bill Cammack says:

      WOW! o_O That’s a fantastic story, Renat! :D

      That’s just the thing. Some people say “I came to Amsterdam, I’m staying in Amsterdam”. Other people go where the day takes them. I depend WAY to much on technology and money to have done what you did, haha but that’s a GREAT adventure! :D

  6. fishingrod says:

    Why do some people like to plan and others love to be spontenous? That’s an interesting question.

    Bill, I can understand that you like to do things exactly when you feel like doing them, but your big advantage seems to be that you are motivated to do a lot of things because of your high energy level, your extroverted personality and your optimistic outlook on life. You seem to expect an adventure or the possibility for having a great time around every corner, so you like to be prepared for all these good things to happen by being as flexible as possible. I mostly expect bad things to happen, and I like to avoid that by planning my way around the potential bad. :-)

    Your kind of lifestyle is not for everyone, because not everyone has a personality like yours. Not everyone’s that optimistic. Not everyone’s brain reward system works the same way. And the way our brain’s reward system works seems, according to scientific research, to determine the degree to which we seek new and exciting experiences. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16289773)

    I am introverted (and a geek chick, but that is another story) and I am happiest when I am at home on my own, pottering about.
    But if I did that every day, nothing interesting would ever happen in my life. And even though I believe that about 80% of the people out there are either boring, nuts or for other reasons no real pleasure to be with, I do understand that it is important to get out and spend time with others every now and then.
    So I PLAN to go out and meet people, and no matter whether I feel like it or not, I stick to my plans.

    9 out of 10 times, I don’t feel like doing what my plan tells me to do at any given time. Typical conversation between me and my husband on Friday mornings before I leave for a weekend trip:

    “I don’t really want to go.”
    “You say that every time you go anywhere. And then you go and have a blast.”
    “Yeah, I know….”

    So 9 out of 10 times, I get out of my planned activities with the feeling: “Good thing I did it anyway. I enjoyed this.”
    My experience of life taught me NOT to listen to my feelings, but to ignore them and stick to plans instead, because good things will come out of it.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Wow! Fishingrod FTW (for the win) AGAIN! :D

      That’s a great observation, and it’s something that I’ve “struggled” with my entire life. I can’t see past “being me”, and tend to project myself onto everyone else. It’s basically “If I can do it, I know *YOU* can do it too, and if you can’t, you’re being lazy or lame”. I’ve always expected MORE out of people than they actually had to offer. I’ve expected powerful people to be civil and benevolent. I’ve expected people who were acting as if they didn’t have any personal power to just CUT IT OUT and BE powerful people. It’s VERY tough for me to consider of someone “This is REALLY all they can do”.

      The opposite of that would be arrogance, IMO. The feeling of “I can do this because I’m the greatest and nobody else is!”. I honestly feel that if everyone (within a certain range of mental capacity, of course) applied themselves as much as I did, anyone could do things they consider great.

      As you point out, just because I feel that way doesn’t make it the truth.

      I wouldn’t have labeled my outlook optimistic, but I think you’re absolutely right. My optimism is clear in that I’m never willing to accept the washing machine in front of me, opting instead for “What’s behind curtain #3!” :D This is one of the reasons I don’t bother pair-bonding, because I make friends and girlfriends immediately. There’s no point in claiming exclusivity with one chick when I might meet another one tonight and immensely enjoy her company. There’s no need in claiming a relationship to HER, because the same thing could happen the next day with someone different….

      This is also one of the reasons why I don’t write DG from my own perspective. Not only wouldn’t people be able to learn anything from it, because stuff that works for me just DOESN’T work for anybody else… but they just. straight. wouldn’t. believe. me! :D Another reason, of course, is discretion, but overall, what I try to do is apply things that I’ve learned through my own experiences and float it out there for people to think about and consider whether it applies to them or not.

      Yes, I tend to hate planning things because I hate to miss out on the spontaneous offerings of life, and Thank GOD there have been like a billion of them for me, and I’m grateful for and happy about that. :D I’m also not reliable for plans unless I absolutely confirmed my attendence, because if something better occurs during that day, I’m not likely to stop having a good time in order to chance having a good time or not.

      I can totally see what you’re saying.. That if someone’s general experience was neutral or negative instead of positive and fun, the goal would be to plan things as much as possible. I also see how pessimism about how much fun an event might be would be socially stifling and cause someone to skip all events and stay home.

      Now you have me thinking about whether optimistic people should date pessimistic people! hahaha. Should there be two peas in a pod, or does one need the other to balance themselves out?

      But yes. I hate planning. It’s 6:28 am, and all I’m thinking about right now is this reply I’m writing to you. That’s the way I like it. I’ll find out later today whether I’m going to hang out with someone or not. Rather, I should say, I’ll find out about potential hangout opportunities later in the day and then when the time comes, I’ll act upon those or I won’t.

      Thanks for something new and interesting to consider! :D

      • fishingrod says:

        You are most welcome, Bill. :-)

        But is your optimism really the only reason for your not bothering to pair-bond? Can’t help but remember this:

        “I also love women who don’t love me. There’s nothing “boo-hoo” about that. It’s just a fact. I know how I feel about them and I carry that with me.”

        Loved the “I carry that with me” part, by the way. I know how that feels.

        In exchange for the new things to consider, maybe you could do me a favour some day and explain in one of your articles the benefit of having sex with almost complete strangers.

        There is no chance in hell I will ever try that myself (when someone’s physical presence is too unfamiliar, I don’t want them to enter my personal space, which kind of puts a kibosh on sex), but I do realize that lots of people do it and find it enjoyable and I would like to try see past “being me”. Mentally walk a mile in your moccasins….

        Just write about it whenever you feel like it. I can wait. ;-)

        • Bill Cammack says:

          No.. Optimism certainly isn’t the *only* reason I don’t bother. It’s a very good question, and actually a rather complex issue. Perhaps at some point, I’ll get into it, but there are three posts that slightly touch on the issues:

          1) http://billcammack.com/2008/11/16/dating-a-narcissist/
          2) http://billcammack.com/2008/11/13/dating-for-misanthropes/
          3) http://billcammack.com/2007/02/01/alliance/

          Besides that, thanks to serial monogamy, there’s an endless supply of single females in New York City. Actually, I just found out this morning that one of my long-time girlfriends just came back on the active list, having broken up with her recent boyfriend. C’est La Vie! ;)

          To Be Fair (as the Brits say), that makes me a take-it-or-leave-it type of guy that isn’t an appealing prospect to women looking to lock a guy down, which is what “relationships” are all about, the gaining of exclusive access to someone else. So I remain stable while my homegirls enjoy the revolving door of being in and out of so-called relationships with guys that usually last a few months, tops. *yawn* If you think about it, I’m kind of like The Library, and dudes borrow chicks from me like books until they return them. :D

          As far as sex with complete strangers, that’s an interesting exercise. I’ll enjoy attempting to explain the reasons why… at least from the male side of things. Maybe I’ll pull Lindz into that discussion and see if she has anything to say for the females.

          haha.. In a minute, I’m going to need a section called “Fishingrod Wants To Know…” hahahaha Cheers! :D

  7. […] other day, reader “Fishingrod” made a post suggestion: “… In exchange for the new things to consider, maybe you could do me a favour some day […]

  8. Sara says:

    You have some good points…

    About meetups with friends and feeling it: “feeling”. Sometimes I used to keep appointments with people out of obligations – now I’m a “feelings” kinda girl – don’t feel like it, don’t go, feel like it, just go :).

    However, what you say doesn’t exactly apply in every situation:

    A: Work-related. You’re lucky that your job allows you a certain amount of independance. I would absolutely love to work at my own time and pace! Most don’t. I work as a trainee solicitor, and if I don’t schedule/plan, I may as well pretty much forget ever making a living!

    B: Relationshipwsise. You like to meet lots of women, don’t become involved with them easily. Now that seems to work out great for you.
    But all folks are different. I detect more than a little sexist hating on men who choose to have a gf – “pair bonders reading books in bed”. That’s a bit of a generalisation.

    Apart from that, nice points.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Hey Sara. Thanks for the comments. :)

      I agree with you entirely that while I attempt to be as general as possible when I’m writing most of my posts, a) my ideas don’t come anywhere CLOSE to applying in all situations, and b) lots of my personal ideas become apparent in my writing, sometimes deliberately and sometimes by accident.

      Yes. I consider myself lucky, fortunate, blessed, what-have-you that I make money when I feel like it AND that I’m doing something I really enjoy when I’m working. I graduated in Information Systems and was initially a computer programmer, but I got bored of that immediately and eventually quit. The money I was making wasn’t bringing me happiness compared to the time I was wasting while getting that money.

      So, Yes.. I know what you mean about having to schedule things. When I was a 9-5er, all I had of my own was my after-work hours and some time on the weekends and then it was back to giving all my time away to get some money. I personally still didn’t make plans at that point, however, I was restricted to spending time with people that were in play if I elected to go somewhere after work, which most times I didn’t.

      I’ve never been the type of person to say “YAY! I’m going to go play paintball next month on the 24th!!! :D”.. Stuff like that never floated my boat. I understand why people do it though and I understand why they enjoy looking waaaaaaaay forward to things.

      As far as the women, I guess that depends on what you mean by “involved” hahaha ;) I suppose you mean in some kind of relationship that restricts my personal ability to exercise my free will, in which case, I agree with you. Most women don’t trump “Every woman in the world” or even “Every woman in New York City” or even “Every woman in this neighborhood”… so I’m not inclined to make promises I have no intention of keeping. :)

      Does it work out great for me? I’m not so sure. There’s a difference between enjoying The Game and not being impressed enough with any particular chick that I’ve met to retire from The Game. I was out of it for several years while I had that, that situation ended and I’ve been single ever since. Fortunately for me, I don’t need an actual relationship for anything. I just need attractive women to spend time with and I’m surrounded by literally millions of women in NYC, so it’s merely an issue of walking out the door or going to an event or a bar I’ve never been to. I’m enjoying myself, definitely, but there’s definitely something to be said for feeling impressed/obsessed…

      I don’t know that I can classify what you describe as “A guy hating on a guy who chooses to have a girlfriend” as “sexist” :), but I see what you mean.

      You actually bring up a good point there. I don’t have any problems with guys that actually FEEL that way. I don’t have any problems with just about anybody that actually FEELS like doing whatever they’re doing. It’s their lives and they need to do whatever’s going to be fun & interesting for them before they croak.

      There are lots of guys who are only “dating” in order to find one exceptional female that they can select to spend time with ad infinitum. That’s a valiant thing to strive for, IF that’s what actually floats your boat.

      What I was saying about the PBs reading books with their girlfriends was definitely a “dig” on my part, haha you’re right about that, but I had a valid point. If you watched “Jersey Shore”, Mike hooked up with Sammi first but then he kept kickin’ it to more chicks and she wasn’t going for it, so when Ronnie, her SECOND CHOICE made it clear that he was going to sell out the rest of his summer to spend time only with her, the two of them became an item.

      For the rest of the show, Mike was struggling every night to pull chicks that by ever account of everyone in the house were ALL less attractive than Sammi. Meanwhile, Ronnie had what he wanted every single day. Did he miss out on lots of chicks he could have pulled? Yep. However, if you match them up day for day, Ronnie always pulled a better-looking chick without even having to work for it.

      Anyway, if a guy meets a chick that’s all he wants in life (or at least all he wants today), more power to him. :D Good Luck that he gets to enjoy her as long as he wants to. We should all be so lucky! ;)

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