One of the reasons I don’t get involved in Pair-Bonding or Serial Monogamy is that I enjoy the spontaneity of life. I really DETEST when I know what’s going to happen the next day, or really, today’s afternoon, evening or night. The only time I know these things for sure is when I get booked to work on-site for a client. Mostly, I work off-site, so I get things done when they GET done, so long as it’s before the deadline. This means I might be working at 3am and sleeping at 1pm. I might work all the way through Saturday and Sunday and then have the weekdays completely to myself. Ultimately, I do WHAT I want to do, WHEN I want to do it, and that’s the way I like it. :D
I suppose this comes from growing up in New York City, I mean, other than genetic predisposition. :D All we did was go to school, play sports, hang out with the fellaz and chase chicks. I didn’t even drink at the time, which seems to be a “Well.. DUH” statement, except that friends of mine in 5th grade were having parties where they raided their parents’ liquor cabinets every weekend (at least), so I’ve been aware of alcohol since then, but I wasn’t interested. Chicks are my high.
So, as we were hanging out, we never knew WHAT was going to happen, but SOMETHING always happened. I suppose “the wonders of life” can become addicting when you have so many fun and interesting experiences, some fanatstic, some awful, some disgusting, but nevertheless SOMETHING always happening, and you always have “war stories” the next time you run into your friends.
Mixing all these elements together.. My taste in chicks is different from day to day… Really, from minute to minute. :D All I really know is that I’m turned on by her… RIGHT NOW… or I’m not. Also, being attracted to Chick[x] doesn’t preclude me from simultaneously being attracted to her best friend, her sister and her mother, provided they’ve “got it like that”. Other than an extraordinary circumstance, like when I was with my ex for over three years, I’m completely disinterested in seeing the same chick every day.
Of course, lots of guys feel this way and they “Fake it ’till they make it”, feigning relationships to women in order to lock down guaranteed access to sex with them while mentally remaining single. If you’re not physically spending time with your so-called “significant other” every day, it’s easy enough to carry on several of these “relationships” at a time. One chick gets the weekend and another one gets Tuesday & Wednesday. I’ve actually gone off on a tangent, haha…
The upside of the spontaneous lifestyle is that there’s always action, at least in a town like New York City. There’s ALWAYS something to do or be involved in. It’s just an issue of whether you want to bother to do it or not. The downside is that the outcome isn’t guaranteed. The end of the night can be a complete ZERO, whereas the guy who pair-bonded is gleefully reading books with his girlfriend like he likes to do every single evening. The thing about this is that even with the night ENDING as a zero, it actually WASN’T a zero, because I was in the game the whole time. I was striving for something good to happen, and that’s what keeps me interested, thinking and motivated.
This is also what I enjoy about spontaneous days. Anything could happen. After I write this, I might edit a video I shot yesterday. I might shoot some more today to get “coverage”, and I also realized that I didn’t get to shoot segments I wanted because it took me so long to get the basics recorded. I might hang out with a friend for lunch. I might go out later this evening. I might be contacted for emergency work that someone needs done by tomorrow and agree to spend my day making that happen. I might eat pizza. I might have a brew or six. I may have ALREADY done BOTH today! ;) I might spend time with people I already know. I might meet a completely new chick today that changes my opinion about what I want to do tomorrow……
This is why I don’t get along well with “planners”. A planner is someone who you can ask “What’s New?” and receive a detailed list of what they’re going to do and where they’re going to be for the next entire week.
I was in contact with a friend of mine, like on a Friday or something, and she says “Let’s hang out next Monday”. So I’m like “You mean Monday coming up, or the Monday AFTER that?”. She says the Monday after that, to which I replied something that equated to “Good luck with that.” :D I knew that I would have been able to retain in memory a hangout with her a couple of days from when we were talking, but over a week was entirely impossible. I ended up talking with another chick that “Next Monday” morning, who asked me if I was going out with anyone that night. I thought about it for a few seconds and was like “nope”. Later that evening, around 6pm, the planner chick contacted me, talkin’ ’bout “Are we still getting together tonight?”. Needless to say, that was a WRAP, because I had most likely forgotten about her a few hours (?minutes?) after finding out she wanted to hang out more than a week from when I was talking to her.
The reason why I do just about *anything* is “Because I Felt Like It”. An idea is brought up to me, and it occurs to me as something compelling or it doesn’t. If I’m interested… If I can FEEL it… I’m likely to go for it. Unfortunately, there’s a statute of limitations on what I can feel, haha. Interests become temporary as they’re replaced with a new and more immediate focus.
This is my problem with planners. At the time that I’m talking to them, I’m interested in seeing them. There’s NO TELLING what I’m going to feel at the time that our “plan” comes around. The only good thing about it is that you DEFINITELY have ownership of their time for that particular period, because they’ve blocked other people from that time other than yourself. The problem with owning that time is that by the time it rolls around, I’m no longer interested in it. In its current state, it’s “something to do” which is way less appealing than many other things to do that I can actually FEEL at that particular point in time.
Another problem with planners is that regardless of how much of a good time you have with them, you know you won’t be picking that up for another two or three weeks (read: an entire lifetime). It’s rather weird in a town where you can meet a girl any day of the week or EVERY day of the week to consider “Next month, on the 14th, I’m going to spend time with Chick[x]“. It just doesn’t compute. There’s no value to that particular day over all the days in between, where you’re spending time with women that want to spend time with you, and even if you’re not, at least you’re ‘in the game’, LOOKING for them! :D
The obvious question is “Why don’t you use alarms/calendars to keep up with these future events?”. The obvious answer is that all that would do is remind me about something that I wasn’t feeling anymore, which is intrinsically useless to me. That would be like reminding myself to eat steak for lunch on Tuesday, and then when Tuesday rolls around, I want pepperoni pizza. What am I supposed to do? Eat steak because I made that decision DAYS AGO, or eat pizza because I feel like it right now? Pizza Wins! :D
Granted, there are times that it’s best to ‘take one for the team’ and agree to future engagements, knowing full well that you’re not going to be interested when that time rolls around. Sometimes, it’s better to spend a few hours together two weeks from now than not to spend any time at all, and hope that you’ll be able to rev up to your A-Game under less-than-optimum social circumstances.
Meanwhile, spontaneous people like me are insanely annoying to planners. :D All the time, probably every single day, someone asks me “What are you doing on such and such a date?” and my answer, invariably is “I dont’ know”, unless I already have something to do on that day. So the only two options are “Maybe you can get that time, check back with me in the future” or “You can’t get it”. The reason is that I’m *ALWAYS* going to go with the flow, unless someone’s paying me to do otherwise.
If you told me about an event two weeks ago and someone informs me of something 3 hours before your event starts that I’m feeling more than that, you won’t see me. If I told you I was going to have lunch with you, and a client calls and wants to book time today, you won’t see me (assuming I actually feel like doing the work). Obviously, this unreliability spirals into the lack of desire by the planner to make plans with a spontaneous individual, because the plans are never actually confirmed until the last minute.
Personally, I find it tough to bring my A-Game to situations I’m not interested in. This is another problem for planners, because they’re not likely to experience THE BEST of the spontaneous person they’ve scheduled time with. They’re not likely to hit that peak of interest where I’m REALLY focused on them and intent on showing them a grand time.
Planners also find it annoying that spontaneous people don’t want to make plans with them. How am I supposed to know TODAY that I want to see you next month on the 14th? I don’t.. And if I’m being honest with you, I’ll pencil in something tentative with you and not confirm until I’m honestly willing to commit to the date and time. Meanwhile, there are lots of guys that are willing to plan, plan, plan their entire social calendar, so planning females end up spending more time with planning males.
I think the solution between a planner and a spontaneous person is to agree to disagree, for better or for worse. If the VALUE is there, on both sides, then compromises will be made and they’ll spend time together when they spend time together. If the value ISN’T there, it’s like “who cares?”. The spontaneous person keeps inviting the planner to things they never go to on the spur of the moment and the planner keeps inviting the spontaneous person to future events that they never confirm, until one of them gets bored with the process and drops it altogether.
Actually, this is a good time to bring back the tangent I went off on earlier. Women who are planners have the problem of guys knowing where they’re going to be at all times. This makes it much easier to date multiple chicks, because there’s no concern that Chick[x] is going to show up while you’re kickin’ it with Chick[y]. It’s much tougher to “cheat” on spontaneous chicks, because they call or text you while you’re doin’ the do, and then they want to know why it took you eight hours to return their messages, haha :D
Ultimately, I think planners are better as SOs, because once you can get them to plan their entire lives around YOU, it’s a wrap. Spontaneous people are always liable to do something you didn’t want them to do, just because they felt like it at the time. It seems to me that two planners hooking up should have long-term potential, while two spontaneous people might make some sporadic and interesting sparks, but ultimately forget about each other as they head in different directions to chase that next high.
So, are you spontaneous, or a planner?… How’s that workin’ for ya? :D