Who Cares How Your Day Was?

An incredibly common complaint that women have about men is that guys never ask gals how their day was. That’s because we don’t CARE how your day was. Did you consider that?

Bill vs. AnnieGuys tend to ask about things that they actually care about, are thinking about, or would like to hear about. What happened to you at work normally doesn’t make that list. Neither does what happened to you while you were shopping or while you were out to eat with your girlfriends. Nobody cares.

The interesting part about this isn’t actually that guys don’t care, but rather that gals CARE that guys don’t care. Is this something you asked about when you first kicked it with him? Did you check to see how often he’d ask you how your day was? You probably didn’t. You probably checked whether he wants to be in a long term relationship, whether he wants to be in a LTR with YOU, how well he kisses, how many kids he wants to have and how often he’s expecting you to give it up.

It would be better for you to just roll with it. He doesn’t care what you did today. So what? That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you to be safe and healthy. It doesn’t mean anything AT ALL, other than that he doesn’t care how your day was. Get over it.

Your option is to dump him and go out with some other guy that isn’t 30% of the man he is, but will consistently ask you how your day was and pretend to listen as you tell him. At that point, you’re going to have different issues. You’re going to have issues about the qualities that this new guy doesn’t have that your former guy had.

So.. Do yourself a favor. You can’t have everything from everybody. If you want your man to care what you did today, do something that he cares about, like spectate the Steelers training camp or learn something interesting about NASCAR or go shop for lingerie. If he happens to be interested in tech stuff, hang out at the Apple Store or something…

Basically, if you want him to be interested… BE INTERESTING! πŸ˜€

As much as you claim to want the truth, if THE TRUTH is that he doesn’t care what you did today, you WANT him to care what you did. If you knew he was faking interest, you STILL wouldn’t he happy with that, because you want what isn’t real to be real. Let it go. Study what he’s interested in and you’ll have a better idea how to hold his attention when you have something to say. Why should he be interested in stuff he’s not interested in?

If he’s not interested in politics and you try to talk about politics, he’s not going to want to hear it. Same thing if he’s not interested in talking about sports. How you spent your waking hours when you weren’t around him is just another topic. Stop making it mean more than that. Don’t interpret his disinterest in your daily meanderings, or even your work today as a Rocket Scientist, if that’s what you do, as some sort of indication about his level of interest in having you with him right there that second, messing with you, being in a relationship to you or anything else.

If your man walked through the door after work babbling about the Monster Truck Rally or the UFC fights, you’d have the exact same reaction of boredom and disinterest, so get over it.

~Bill

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23 Comments

  1. How about I turn this around on you. Why do YOU care that women care? If you want a girlfriend who could care less that you don’t want to ask her about her day, then find one and be happy.

    I hate when people giving relationship advice speak in such broad generalities. You don’t speak for all men, you speak for YOU, and maybe some of the men in your circle. And why is it if a guy actually does want to know about his girlfriend’s day, it makes him “30%” of the man you are? Please. I consider a man someone who doesn’t spill this much blog ink dictating to women how they shouldn’t care if they’re boyfriends don’t give a sh*t about them. But that’s just me…

    1. Excellent question, Sarah πŸ˜€

      The reason why I care that women care is that they complain about it TO. ME! πŸ˜€

      I just find some things really ridiculous, how they keep going in cycles and never get talked about or resolved. Also, I never said a) that I wanted a girlfriend or b) that I ever cared in my entire life if a chick EVER asked me how my day was.

      The way I see relationships, which is clearly different from how you see them is that people should get to know other people and figure out what they care about and what they don’t care about. Instead of being selfish and insisting on talking about whatever they want, they should go to lengths to talk about something their SO *might* consider interesting.

      One way to do this is to keep a catalogue of the things that your SO actually ASKED you about. If he or she didn’t ASK YOU, they probably don’t care, so IMO, it’s better to leave that stuff out and concentrate on conversational content which endears you to your SO rather than having them think “Here they come again with more drivel, as usual”.

      Actually, now that you mention it, you may have a very good point here. I have NEVER heard a GUY give a damn whether a chick asked how his day was. I’m sure it happens, but I’ve personally never heard it. Maybe this has to do with guys being active in rapping to chicks and the gals being generally passive, leading to women dating men that they accepted, but didn’t necessarily choose.

      If any of the fellaz would like to chime in on this subject, please feel free to address Sarah’s point. I’ve heard guys complain that they’re not getting enough sex from their woman but not that she doesn’t ask them about themselves enough.

      Yes, you are right. You would probably have felt better if I had put the word “some” in front of every instance of “Women” or “Men”. I post too much material to keep printing disclaimers about my opinion and my experience being MY opinion and MY experience. It’s obvious, merely because I’m typing this. This isn’t Doctor.com. This is BillCammack.com.

      As far as the 30% statement, I may not have articulated that correctly. πŸ™‚ Asking how a chick’s day is is fine, whether you care or not. It’s a good tactic and a good idea. What I failed to state properly is that women some women break up with men that are really good for them, except for one bogus aspect and end up dating guys that are way worse for them just because those guys know what to tell them to get them to do what they want them to do.

      The point of the post is that if somebody doesn’t care about how your day was, how come that has to be a big deal? Get over it. Put it in the column of “cons” and weigh it against the “pros” and decide if it’s really worth making a big deal over. If you want him to lie to you, that’s fine, but that’s not an authentic relationship. Does that make sense?

      Also, I don’t dictate *anything* to chicks. This isn’t DoWhatBillSays.com. πŸ˜€ I’m merely enlightening y’all to the possibilities, and then it’s your choice to believe me or not believe me and then carry on your relationships however you choose. On top of that, believe me, women spend MUCH more time commiserating about how guys don’t pay enough attention to them than I spent “spilling blog ink” on this post.

      Interesting points, Sarah. Thanks for the comments. πŸ˜€

  2. I didn’t actually say anything about guys caring whether girls ask about their day. I’m sure it’s just the same as women. Some do, some don’t. I’ve dated guys who were just as high maintenance as some of the bitchiest chicks I know. Everyone’s different, that’s my point.

    Also, you seem to have a LOT of advice that just sounds like a lot of work. Keep notes of things your boyfriend asks you about so you don’t, god FORBID, bring up anything that doesn’t interest him? You’ve got to be kidding me, that is ridiculous.

    1. Fair enough. I must have misinterpreted something in your statement. πŸ™‚

      Yeah, I have about two years’ worth, haha.. Try this one:
      http://billcammack.com/2008/02/03/its-the-end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it/

      Also, I should have made it clear in my reply to your comment that women complain to me about OTHER GUYS not giving a damn how their day was, not complain to me that *I* don’t care how their day was. Anyway, now I’m really interested in the topic of whether guys (in general) feel this same way, haha.

      Cheers! πŸ˜€

  3. Does this remind anyone else of Point/Counterpoint with Chevy Chase and Jane Curtain?

    Bill-o-sale, isn’t there a difference between being uninterested in someone else’s hobbies (sports, politics – unless they’re getting paid) versus the real things going on in their life?

    Secondly, Bill-o-rama, there’s a diff between the words “don’t care” and “not interested”. Women see it as not caring about them if we don’t want to go through their day blow-by-blow. When really men are typically just not interested in that facet
    Granted it’s hard to be interested in someone else’s life every single day and if you’re around them a lot or living with them it makes you a big chunk of it and already fairly informed, but mostly men have been trained to communicate in an issues and resolution fashion. Makes for bad listeners when all someone wants to do is… tell a story? We can’t find anything to frame as a problem which is frustrating/wearying given the amount of data that usually gets transferred or worse, we start offering corrective advice instead of a hug or whatever.

    If we turn it into a cost/benefit analysis is it really the worst thing I could do not to ask. Don’t I have anything else going for me that outweighs that? What if I asked like once a week and got a Cliff’s Notes?

    Funny thing happened the other day. A woman asked me how my day went. Initially I was dumbfounded, and I have to admit I was flattered (ah ha!) but then I gave her the rundown and I wisely asked the question in return. I ain’t no dope. πŸ™‚

    1. Hey Steve. I’m glad you asked. πŸ™‚

      Bill-o-sale, isnÒ€ℒt there a difference between being uninterested in someone elseÒ€ℒs hobbies (sports, politics – unless theyÒ€ℒre getting paid) versus the real things going on in their life?

      No.

      No difference whatsoever. πŸ™‚

      Let’s say some chick works in a department store and I don’t ask her what went on in the store today (or.. ANY day). If she decides to tell me what went on in the store today, I couldn’t possibly care ANY LESS. It’s definitely the real thing going on in her life, and I don’t give a damn, because I’m not interested. Period.

      If she had gone to play roller hockey after work, I may very well ASK HER how that went and be interested in hearing the gist as well as the details. it doesn’t matter that it’s a hobby of hers. It matters that I feel like hearing about what she has to say, because it’s of PERSONAL interest TO ME. πŸ™‚

      For instance, a friend of mine is a video editor, as am I. What happens to her at work just so happens to be EXTREMELY interesting to me because we’re in the same field. We have similar things that happen to us and different things that happen to us that I can learn from and be intrigued by.

      In regards to “don’t care” vs “not interested”, I see what you’re saying, but I don’t think it makes a difference. You might “care” that a chick slipped on some ice and buss her ass in the street, but you might not be “interested” in hearing about it. You want her to be safe and healthy, so you care what happened to her.. That just doesn’t mean that you’d like to spend your time hearing about it.

      The fact of the matter is that as you state at the end, a guy would be a fool to actually TELL a chick he doesn’t care about how her day was, so guys let women drone on and on about nothing while they ignore them and try to watch the game. My point is that it’s disingenuous and the cycle continues because guys are scared to tell women that they don’t want to hear it.

      I’m sure there are topics that guys talk about that gals don’t want to hear about it. I wouldn’t know or care anything about that because it’s not my problem, but I’m willing to discuss it if any of the ladies would like to chime in in these comments.

      I just think people would be happier if they were more authentic with each other. The upside of informing someone that you don’t care about what they’re saying is that they have an opportunity to talk to you and figure out what you DO want to hear from them so they can decide to either talk about those topics or go date someone else who’s willing to pretend like they give a damn.

      1. “IÒ€ℒm sure there are topics that guys talk about that gals donÒ€ℒt want to hear about it. I wouldnÒ€ℒt know or care anything about that because itÒ€ℒs not my problem, but IÒ€ℒm willing to discuss it if any of the ladies would like to chime in in these comments.”

        Okay, soccer for instance. My male co-workers love to talk about soccer during lunch break. Not only the soccer matches they watched the night before, but also about which coach got his contract extended, which team is planning to buy players from another team etc.. I don’t give a damn, but I noticed that it makes my co-workers feel good to talk about it, so I try to remember a few soccer facts, ask them about recent games etc., to have a nice conversation during lunch so we can all go back to work feeling good.

        I am not interested in soccer, but I am interested in their well-being, so I do what needs to be done. Same thing in a relationship. But of course, part of my brain is always reserved for watching if there is a Return on Investment or not. Do other people make the same effort for MY well-being? Or is it always me, and I get nothing in return?

        If I notice that it is always me, sooner or later I withdraw. My personal life / spare time becomes a no access area for the person who does not deliver. Applies to co-workers as well as to boyfriends/husbands.

        Authenticity is a good thing. But so is courtesy, even in a long-term relationship. By the way, recent studies have found that marriages in which both partners pay a lot of attention to each others moods and needs have the best chance to last a life-time.

        1. Fishingrod,

          That. Is. Exactly. What. I’m. Talking. About!!! hahaha πŸ˜€

          To YOU, Soccer=Garbage. You don’t care about it and you don’t want to hear about it. The guys can babble on and on about nothing for your entire lunchtime, and you’ll never care about anything they say.. for your own personal benefit.

          However, YOU choose to find out tidbits of information about soccer or at least listen when the guys are talking so that you can contribute to their conversation. Notice how it’s YOU that’s reaching out to THEM, though? That’s the same way it is for guys. Instead of those guys running their mouths incessantly about sports, they *SHOULD* ask YOU what YOU’D like to talk about….. IF they gave a damn. πŸ™‚

          What’s going on, as far as I can tell, is that you’re making compromises in order to fit in with what they consider to be a good time, but they’re not attempting to fit into your good time. Does that make sense?

          So, the guys talking about soccer are the equivalent of the woman telling you how her day was without you ASKING how her day was, because you don’t care. She’s in front of you NOW, and you’re about to do whatever you’re about to do with her. Who cares if she went skiing or to Piccadilly Circus before she walked in the door? If he cared, he would ask. Since you care about your coworkers having a nice conversation during lunch, you strive to be involved in their conversation about soccer. If a guy cared how a woman’s day was, he would strive to find out… specifically by ASKING HER.

          BTW.. When was the last time your coworkers asked YOU what you wanted to talk about? Not saying it’s never happened… just curious. πŸ™‚

          As far as “If I notice that it is always me, sooner or later I withdraw”, that’s exactly why guys inauthentically sit there, nod and go “uh huh, yeah? oh, really?” while y’all are talking about stuff, because they know that if they DON’T, they’re in the doghouse.

          Sometimes, a guy would like to just enjoy the silence.

          However, as you said, courtesy goes a long way, even if it’s feigned courtesy. Most people aren’t going to accept a list of interesting topics that their SO is willing to listen to.

          Of course, this is why lots of people remain single and only hang out with people when it’s time to have a good time, as opposed to those long, boring, mundane periods of time in between when that person might have something to say that’s worth listening to. πŸ™‚

          1. “BTW.. When was the last time your coworkers asked YOU what you wanted to talk about? Not saying itÒ€ℒs never happenedÒ€¦ just curious. :)”

            Oh, they do ask, every once in a while. If they didn’t, I would stop having lunch with them. πŸ™‚

            One of them asked me to have lunch with him four times in a row last week. And every day he would tell me about his hopes and dreams and plans, and I would just listen, feeling more and more frustrated.

            But when I finally stopped waiting for him to ask me how my day was and simply forced a story on him about an unpleasant conversation with a superior, to my big surprise, he listened. Carefully. And after listening, he asked how I felt about what happened and gave me some really good advice how to handle the situation.

            Still, being an introvert, I prefer to be asked rather than just go ahead and monopolize the conversation. It is like a permission to speak my mind. Without it, I feel uncomfortable. But I guess sometimes I just have to mentally kick my butt and do it. To find out that guys are not such bad listeners after all…. πŸ˜‰

            1. Interesting concept, “… I prefer to be asked”.

              I’m exactly the opposite way. I prefer *NOT* to be asked, because if I had something to say, I would have said it. Still, the way people generically socialize, they’re prone to ask how work is or if I’m editing any new projects. I always have to think about stuff like that, because if I’m out socializing, I’m thinking about chicks and beer… NOT work. πŸ˜€

  4. I just think people would be happier if they were more authentic with each other.

    Define more authentic? If we had zero fears we could be authentic 24/7. Introduce one or two and it’s all up for grabs and variable depending on situation. Ask for a flying elephant instead.

    1. Yeah, I suppose by “more authentic”, I meant a higher percentage of the time. Basically, you’re right. People are as authentic as their fear of loss will allow them to be. Most people don’t consider this when entering a relationship and instead assume that the fact that someone agrees to be “with” them indicates that some new level of truth has magically appeared between them, when really, nothing’s different from the day before.

  5. Look, the reason I dont care how your day went is because I wasnt home scratching mine all day waiting on your story. Unless it was something that registered on the richter scale like you are possibly about to be fired, you got into a physical altercation with your cubby mate, you just discovered that the new temp that started that morning was the chick I was hanging out with the night before, you are about to be promoted and have decided that the first order of business for your extra money is replacing my “old” Movado with a “new” Tag Hauer, or the elevator man keeps hitting on you and called me out in the process… I dont care. NOT because I dont care about you but because I just had the kind of day that lent itself to my own sense of dismissal. I dont care that the people in my office may not like me. I could care less that there are several guys in this institution who “hate ” me from afar, I might be somewhat sad that our young intern with the perky twins is no longer working here (i might care if she is now working with you), I might be tired of the daily routine of looking at my same watches and thinking a need a new one…. More importantly, I probably already “dismisively” discussed with a friend (casual/good or even acquaintance) and blew it off before I even got home. I personally would be more happy, happier, happiest if you spent more time discussing your daily problems with one of your friends. For instance, instead of criticizing the next chick for wearing pants so tight that you had to keep looking, let your friend know how your boss expected you to type up a 3 page note at 15minutes to 5. Let her know how annoyed you are that Mr. SoAndSo gets way with murder because he and the supervisor are chummy. Its not that I dont care, its just that I already heard this last week, the week before that, the week before that, the week before that, the week before that, the week before that, the week before that, and the week before that. I personally dont like bringing my work home with me (and this goes for many guys not just the ones in my circle) and dont care to hear you talk about yours.
    This is one reason why I hate the notion that your partner should be your best friend. Its a notion that woman tend to buy into more than men. If I have to be your besty that means that I have to listen to the complaining. If you have to be my right hand man, you HAVE to listen to my talk about how my sports teams are doing. Thats doesnt make for good friends that makes for an odd and complicated coupling. So keep your friends and i hang on to mine and kick it with them about the mundane everyday things, as will I. Unless of course your new besty is the former intern that used to work over by me. In that case, please do tell and just remeber that she is lying!! lol.

    1. Excellent points, Frank.

      Personally, I don’t care because……. I dont’ care. πŸ˜€ If I want to know how someone’s day is, I will *ASK* *THEM*. I will either say the words “how”, “was”, “your” and “day?” in that exact order, or more likely, I will say “What’s new?”.

      If you hear “What’s new?”, that’s carte blanche to tell me ANYTHING that you feel like talking about that you think might be interesting to me or might be worthwhile for you to talk about and get something off your chest. If you don’t hear me say something like that, assume that I’m interested in THE PRESENT and not THE PAST.

      Why in the world would I care how your day was at work as a secretary or burger-flipper? I KNOW what you did… You flipped burgers. Who cares?

      I agree with you entirely that guys should select girlfriends that already have a lot of friends, so when they feel like talking about mundane garbage, they can tell it to someone who cares… or, at least someone that’s willing to listen to it.

      This is one of the benefits of NOT having a steady girlfriend. If she wants to babble about something, she can tell her girlfriends or her boyfriend. It’s not my job.

      When it’s time to have fun and be progressive and talk about the present and the future, I’m totally down with that. Otherwise, unless I specifically request information about how you’re doing or how you’re feeling, assume I wasn’t even THINKING about it and won’t be interested if you bring it up on your own.

  6. For all the ladies out their that are still having a hard time understanding this concept let me simplify we don’t want to hear what happened unless it was something that doesn’t happen every day like a fight or somebody getting the boot.

    1. Yes.. It’s weird. It’s like they just have some need to say SOMETHING to SOMEBODY and it doesn’t matter what it is or whether the person they’re talking *AT* gives a damn or not.

      To be fair, I find this to be much less prevalent with women that have careers that require them to actually do something specific & technical with their time. In those cases, you get a lot of “shop talk”, which is that you get to hear what they had to solve or deal with for work. In a lot of cases, shop talk conversations are INTERESTING, because you’re actually learning something you didn’t know before. A friend of mine is a video editor (as am I). When she talks about how her day was, I get to hear information about situations that *I’M* likely to run into in my own career. A lot of the time, I end up asking her to elaborate so I can get a more in-depth understanding of what she’s talking about. As a matter of fact, I’m likely to actually ASK HER if anything went on today.

      I think it’s really fascinating that women don’t notice (or don’t care) that guys are just tolerating them running their mouths and not actually caring about what they’re saying, listening to them or committing what they said to long-term memory. πŸ™‚

      That’s the other thing… If any of these women ever stopped to think about it and ASKED their boyfriends or whatever about AAAAAAAANY events that occurred in their mundane daily existences that they told the guys about, they’d realize there was ZERO information retention in the same way that you can’t rattle off the list of records that played on the radio while you were busy doing your work. It’s all background noise.

      1. Straight up! the reason most guys don’t ask what happened is because we already know the answer same ish that happens every other day @ work. Notice how if you come from work extremely pissed off or super happy, crying…. Then we ask immediately why? because we know something went down but thats when you want to get all classified and hit us with the it was nothing or don’t worry about it.

        1. Now *THAT’S* FUNNY! πŸ˜€

          Don’t you just hate that? πŸ˜€ After all the times that you DIDN’T want to hear something, but you heard it anyway, when there’s a time that you DO want to hear about something, and she’s like “Nah”! hahahaha

          1. this is an old post I see…I just read it but I would like to make a few comments. First, the reason that women(generally speaking)dont respond to your inquiry when they are upset about something is because they are more vulnerable to feeling/being rejected by their man as they know already know that he doesnt give a crap what happens in her day anyway. And that if/when he does act like he cares, he is PRETENDING. So why would we make an assumption that today you are going to step up to the plate and care? Thats a risk too big to take. None w ants to feel rejection – men as well. Also, I do understand the concept of men not caring about the trivial. But to say that ifa womwn had something to talk about that is interesting to them for them to be interested in he conversation, how is that the woman’s responsibiity? What I mean is, on the flipside, if neither sex cared about either one’s day,or made an effortto become interested in wht the other party is interested in, what is there tobuild on? There would be no lasting relationships. Instead of what isnt, can you tell me what is? What do coupesdiscuss that isnt boring, painful, etc. For me, the bottom line is – and it seems to be stongly missing here is that – everyone is different. Ilove my man and there are a ton of things that he does and is interested in that arnt necessarily my “thing”. However, because I care deeply for him, I care what is important and matters to him and I dont mind if he blows my ear up all night about – because I know its important to him wanting to share it with me tells me tat he confides in my inteest and opinin(s) on whatever he is talking about at the time. Its give and take. Not just wen I am on friggin fire ar ya gonna step up. Thatswhat 911 and beer is for

            1. wow, that post was missing a lot of letters. sorry I shoud have proofread it before I posted it. I hope it legible

            2. Hey Dayna. πŸ™‚

              You have an excellent point there about past history, assuming that’s already been proven with this particular guy.

              Why make her situation worse by telling someone that she knows isn’t going to have actual sympathy for her what happened?

              How it’s “the woman’s responsibility” to come up with interesting things to discuss with her man is that *SHE’S* the one trying to talk. πŸ˜€

              I would say the same thing to a guy that keeps striking up conversations with his girlfriend that SHE never asked him about.

              Did she ASK YOU about the football game? o_O .. Did she ASK YOU about fixing the transmission in that car?.. Did she ASK YOU whether you did better at the batting cages today?.. If not, why are you wasting her time telling her stuff she doesn’t care about?

              Of course, if she’s just the type of person that is willing to absorb anything he says, that’s all well & good. Same thing in reverse. If he’s willing to listen to her just so she can have the feeling of being listened to, I’m happy for both of them.

              What is there to build on if neither one of them cares how the other one’s day was?… 1) sex. 2) how their day is *TOGETHER*.

              Who cares what you did earlier? Let’s do something now. Let’s make RIGHT NOW great! πŸ˜€

              What do couples discuss that isn’t boring? I don’t think this exchange with you is boring. They could discuss their views on relationships. o_O .. They could discuss anything that they’re BOTH interested in.

              For instance, I know women that are video editors like I am. I LOOOOOOOVE talking shop with them, because we understand the same things and have the same issues with clients and run into the same challenges and have the same triumphs when people watch our work, and there are also enough differences where each of us can learn something from the other one. That’s ALWAYS fun and NEVER boring! πŸ˜€

              What if they both love football or sailboats or fine dining or laying in the grass in the park reading books?… This is my point. If you don’t have anything in common with someone else, don’t bother forcing it or boring them with stuff they don’t care about, and if you don’t know what they like… ASK THEM! πŸ˜€

              I hear what you’re saying about your personal relationship, also. You’re making that happen for him, so he very well SHOULD reciprocate and make that happen for you, meaning listen to whatever you want to talk about.

              He may very well CARE about anything you have to say, because YOU’RE saying it. I know some women like that. They talk about really inane things or things I wouldn’t normally care about or things that are over my head that I completely don’t understand, and I enjoy listening to it because I just love listening to them talk. Period.

              What I’m saying is that instead of assuming that guys care what y’all are saying (which is a very poor assumption to begin with), if you get to know someone and find out what topics are interesting/important to him, you can at least switch it up between talking because you feel like talking and discussing something that you know he’s going to be actively engaged in, instead of nodding and going “uh huh” while he’s trying to watch the game.

              Now that you mention it, though.. I’m realizing that I allow some women to ramble on about how their day was, specifically because I DON’T want to discuss our “right now” with them. It’s better for me to let them spend the time running their mouths while I drink my beer than it would be to get into actually interesting conversations that might have a positive or negative effect on our relationship.

              I’m going to have to look into this…

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