Who’s The Leader In Your Relationship?

ok.. So I’m listening to this conversation that Danielle Ricks hosted, and the gist of it was whether men (in general) were looking for strong women and I hear several times from several people, male & female, something to the effect of a woman “letting” a man lead in the relationship.

This is a very basic, yet fundamental problem, and women need to cut it out, ASAP.


If you’re in the army, and woman has a particular rank and a man has a lower rank than she does, he doesn’t get to override her opinions… about ANYTHING. NUTH-THANG!… NOTHING!… NEVER. Case Closed, Done Deal, It’s a WRAP! She outranks him, so by the codes that they live and fight by, he has to take orders from her or peel potatoes in the brig.

There’s a reason why the woman gets to tell the man what to do. She’s put in the work to achieve the rank she’s achieved and he hasn’t achieved that rank, so that’s that. Unfortunately, people don’t tend to apply this simple logic to relationships.


Back in the day, women had no choice but to “date up”, because they weren’t allowed to vote or own land. The only way they were going to have ANYTHING in life was if they married a guy that had something good going. Due to Women’s Suffrage and eventually the depletion of the American workforce due to men being killed in world wars, that all ended.

At this point, in 2009, women have the same jobs as men (or better), own the same amount of land, own the same type of cars, houses and apartments and have no problem taking care of themselves and whatever kids they amassed along the way with no help from any men whatsoever. This would seem to be an advantage for women, but it isn’t. It’s not an advantage because women STILL want to date men that are better than they are.

Why is this a problem? Because women are progressing faster than men are. Go hang out on a college campus and see if you don’t see MANY more gals than guys. Walk around town and see who’s working in the stores… See if you don’t see MANY more gals than guys. Basically, what’s happening is that women are severely limiting the pool of men that are “better” than they are by out-learning men and out-working men. Women are painting themselves into a social corner because they’re brainwashed to date men who are achieving more than they are.

Life Isn’t Fair

Meanwhile, men couldn’t even, hardly, practically, not even GIVE A DAMN whether some chick they want to date is achieving ANYTHING IN LIFE or not. She’s hawt or she isn’t. They want to tap that or they don’t. End of story. Nobody cares.

So, while women become more educated than men, on the whole, women’s pool of viable prospects is becoming smaller while men’s pool of viable prospects is growing larger, because more and more girls turn 18 (become legal for sex anywhere in the United States of America) every single day.

Of course, this makes things even TOUGHER for the accomplished, older women that are trying to hook up with accomplished guys that are dating twenty-somethings and will still be dating twenty-somethings ten years from now.

Wrong Solution

This is where statements like “Let a man lead in the relationship” come from. A guy who called in to Danielle‘s show accidentally hit the nail on the head and didn’t realize it. He said “By saying that, you make it sound like you actually have the power in the relationship, but you’re letting him lead”. um… That’s EXACTLY what’s happening.

She knows damned well that she’s smarter than him, wiser than him, makes more money than he does, has more common sense than he does, etc etc and for the sake of being in a relationship, she’s going to defer to him so that he can feel like he’s leading something.


The fact of the matter is.. If he were naturally the stronger person (for whatever reason), he would NATURALLY be the leader between the two of them and she would NATURALLY defer to him. For her to let him lead, that means that he hasn’t demonstrated to her AT ALL that he SHOULD be the leader.

What’s that dude in the military going to tell that woman that outranks him? Nothing.. Other than “Yes Ma’am” and “No Ma’am”. Does she defer to an obviously inferior male so that they can have a nice relationship? Nope. You never succeed with the less capable leading the more capable. The armed forces would collapse if they let privates tell generals what to do.

Right Solution

I think that a better idea for a woman than letting a man that she feels is inferior to her lead their relationship is for her to select a better man to begin with. I also think remaining single and not settling for anything she can get is a better idea.

This presents an obvious problem for women that want to have a family. Time is running out for them faster than it’s running out for guys. On top of that, guys can have kids with a chick that makes minimum wage just as easily as a gal who’s an MIT-educated Rocket Scientist. ‘Doesn’t make a difference.

Since lots of women aren’t willing to accept a future of being single, they start compromising and lowering their standards without even recognizing it. If you have to let someone lead, they shouldn’t be leading in the first place. Does that make sense? How about letting the leader lead? How about that? Doesn’t that seem to be the efficient way to run a relationship?

Why let someone less educated in finance decide what to do with your money?
Why let someone who doesn’t know about Italian cuisine select the restaurant?
Why let someone with no income decide how many kids you’re going to have?
Why let someone with zero battlefield experience determine your troop movements?
Why let someone with no playoff experience pinch-hit for your best player?
Why let a guy that you KNOW shouldn’t be leading you run your relationship?

Can you tell me?

~ Bill Cammack

Twitter: BillCammack
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  1. This is some for real DatingGenius talk. I get it, I so get it because I’ve been there and done that allowing someone to lead who isn’t a leader for the sake of maintaining a relationship. Doesn’t work. If we could recognize from the beginning, who is who and what is what we could avoid bumping our heads when its too late, but women get scared. We want it so bad sometimes that we defer when we should actually be hopping on the first thing smoking out of the relationship or potential relationship. It just doesn’t make sense to be lead by or lead into foolishness.

    You held it down on this one.

    1. Thank you, ma’am 😀

      The bottom line is just like you said. Recognize WHO is WHO and WHAT is WHAT.

      Dudes are just dying to be the leader of their relationships and chicks are dying to be IN relationships, so they mutually agree that the guy’s going to be the leader, but that doesn’t make ANY sense if he’s just plain INFERIOR in decision-making or whatever else needs to be decided in the relationship.

      It doesn’t have to be your ejection from the situation, though. It’s about communication. If he’s not willing to recognize that his woman is better than him (in whatever) and he should be following her lead, then, yeah, he needs to be dumped. I mean, imagine some dude that works as a garbageman telling his woman, who works in the Stock Market, because that’s what she went to school for and has been doing successfully for the last 10 years, telling her what THEY are going to do with THEIR money. Forget that. It’s completely retarded.

      The OBVIOUS win in any relationship is for people to play their positions and the strongest person in any situation making the decisions. The problem is that women have advanced so far now that it’s tough for y’all to find guys “better than you” to take the lead in your relationship.

      Back in the day, the guy was better by default, because women were undereducated, couldn’t vote and didn’t own any land or businesses. There wasn’t any question as far as who was going to lead the family, because the guy held ALL the cards. That’s over now, but women are still buying into the concept of NEEDING to date/marry a guy that makes more money than they do or that has a more prestigious career positon than they do.

      Meanwhile, the more prestigious guys are kickin’ it with that burger-flipping chick with the fat ass that they love to tap and the field of viable men is practically ZERO for women that have elevated themselves to respectable heights in their careers.

      The problem for women is that they’re not seeing “letting” a man lead the relationship as a compromise. Sure, you get to be in a relationship, and maybe have some kids and live in a house with a garage, but what happens when these women meet men that they REALLY respect?…..

      Yeah. You KNOW what happens! 😀

  2. Don’t settle.
    If you want a family, adopt!
    Become friends before lovers.
    The leadership role changes, so “play your position”.
    If know one is leading where are you going?
    Communication breads trust, which is key to any relationship!

    1. You’re welcome, Melie. 🙂 However, I wish it WEREN’T so important and it was more common for people in relationships to understand where each other’s coming from.

      Thanks for the comment 😀

  3. Wow, this was pretty interesting!

    Men are only “better” than women because we tell them what they can’t do all the time. There are still inequalities in pay, stay at home moms are looked down on because they don’t have a job associated with a check (zero props for ensuring our successors aren’t feral), and the fancy high heel shoes they wear (ostensibly to compete with their peers but really to attract men) are only vaguely functional (guess who designed them) and many feel that the only way they can attain high status in the corporate world is if they’re even more aggressive than the men are which comes with fallout of its own! If I was a woman I’d just be flat pissed off at dudes all the time.

    1. Yeah, well, women have historically gotten the short end of the stick, so there’s no wonder that the constant inequality has produced detrimental psychological effects in them. If someone tells you it’s not a privilege being a guy, they’re lying, just in the simple fact that we can walk down the street without people trying to meet us every 15 steps we walk down the block.

      The real problem here is that women seek out men “stronger” or “better” than they are by default. There’s no point in a woman hooking up with a guy weaker than she is. He’s not bringing anything to the table. There’s no reason to commit to him.

      For that reason, they choose guys that they think are better than they are, but, unfortunately, guys know that women are looking for this, so they “act as if”. A lot of women end up dating pretenders, because guys know how they’re supposed to act to pull chicks.

      My point in this post is that if the ladies figure out that their man isn’t who he claimed he was, it’s in their best interest to step to the left and get a guy they REALLY want to follow. If the guy isn’t worth following, THE GAL should be the leader, and if he can’t get with that program, he needs to kick it with lesser females that he’s actually better than.

  4. I think the first place a woman needs to start understanding her position is at the check out! So u married up, your man makes a hundred a year and you are there buying that big screen TV that he is “allowing you get” with that huge smile on your face! Oh yeah, my man makes that money and thats what society has told me all my life… GET A MAN WHO CAN PROVIDE! Did anyone think to raise their hand and say provide how??
    What if you met a guy who only makes 65yr? Hmmm… with your 60 thats now 125 grand to play with. You may not have married up but you have moved up. Now that you contribute equally, its no longer his decision on how the finances are run, how the kids are raised. Physically he will probably always lead but the two of you can always walk side by side not because he lets u but because you can. He may lead the introductions at his office party but its your way at yours. No one leads! Everyone gets to step up as needed! and at its root isnt this the purpose behind marrying an equal or someone “better”? Having the opportunity to step up life and not be pulled around??

    So ur man makes a hunned, your bff’s man makes only 65 but she is happier! where do you want to be??

    PS: I love a girl who is confident enough to reach for the check, hold the door for me, say hey i got my CC/$/Debit cards with me, get it. you can pay me back later. Even if I dont take her up on that offer, I know!!

  5. man should always step up and be a leader. Too many men fail and never move up in life. This article is really stupid, says its okay to be ghetto. Nah, you should step up to the plate and be a fucking man.

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