I agree with what you’re saying, but not the actual word you used. People don’t understand what love actually is, so they attempt to link it to sex, because that’s what they were taught when they were little girls and boys and weren’t able to make up their own minds. It’s very easy to love someone and NEVER have sex with them and have sex with someone and NEVER love them. Anyway…

You’re right that there are several things potentially lacking in these situations. There’s lack of consideration for the other person’s feelings. Lack of adhering to your word, thus your word becomes meaningless. Lack of caring whether your relationship ends. Potentially lack of looking out for the other person’s health. Lack of thinking the other person’s smart enough to catch you….

I also agree with your assessment. To me, the worst part of it is saying one thing and doing something else, which erodes trust. It’s no big deal that someone’s feeling attracted to someone else right now. It’s no big deal that they follow their physical desires. It *IS* a big deal if they have to sneak behind your back to do it.

Unfortunately, the game isn’t based on truth and reality.. It’s based on getting what you want. People are rarely dating the 100% real person that they were told that they’re with. This is why women freak out when they find their husbands’ erotica magazines stacked up in the attic. This is why men freak out when they find out that all of their wives’ current male friends screwed her back in the day, after she had told him she was practically a virgin when they met and she hasn’t seen her ex-boyfriends in years.

The goal, I think, is to get to know your SO as deeply as possible so you can assess for yourself whether they have your best interests at heart and whether you should continue in a relationship with them.

Trust most certainly does NOT form the basis of all relationships.

BELIEF is the basis of all relationships.

You BELIEVE you can TRUST the person, but you don’t know for sure. Trust is something that’s built over time between people, however people assign “Trust” to a person they’re dating just because that person claims they’re going to be exclusive with them. This is why so many people get upset when they get cheated on. Being ripped from the “reality” of their BELIEF into ACTUAL REALITY is normally emotionally painful. On top of that, since people like to believe that they’re special, they think that the person they’re dating thinks they’re special as well, and that’s not always the case.

Even if it IS the case, lots of people can can think someone’s special and still go have sex with other people all day every day.

Having said that, you’re right that if people are willing to pay attention to examples, they eventually learn not to believe in the other person in the relationship. If that happens, all bets are off. That’s part of the whole thing about relationships.. They’re a mental state that you put YOURSELF into and you can take yourself OUT OF at any moment. Poof!

As far as admitting infidelity, you know that’s a rarity. Just ask that politician that just got busted hanging out with his girlfriend in another country after lying to his staff where he was going. Nobody’s admitting ANYTHING until they get caught, and even if they DO, they might STILL not admit anything.

I also hear you on the “friends with both parties in a relationship” tip. In that case, I default to neutral… Except, unlike you, I’d lie for either side. :D

As long as I have a relatively equal relationship to both people, I’m staying out of it. If one of them is “my boy” or “my girl”, then they’re going to get the information they need to stay happy and healthy.

I told my ex when our relationship was almost over that she could do anything she wanted to do with dudes, so long as a) I didn’t catch anything and b) I didn’t hear any BULLSHIT from some dude in the street that I was with *HIS* girl. Those are my sticking points. If EITHER side is putting the other side at a health risk or starting potential static with their shenanigans, I’mma let the other person know they need to stop messing with them quick fast in a hurry, flavor’s vision ain’t blurry.

As far as stopping seeing chicks because I don’t trust them.. I never trust them ANYWAY, so that’s never an issue for me. I trust chicks to do WHAT they want to do, WHEN they want to do it and that’s all there is to it. I’m either messing with them or I’m not.. We’re either having a good time or we’re not.. And it really never gets deeper than that.