Street Game 05: Who Should Pay For The Date?

Dating Above Your Station | Bill Cammack says:

August 18, 2009 at 8:46 am

[...] to hear the specials, right? So it’s like the lowest-priced item was like $18. Now, before Frank starts jumping up and down… She had already told me lunch was on her. So I was playing the reverse role and tryin’na Keep [...]

Reply
sophia says:

March 6, 2010 at 12:02 am

You said to offer to pay goes a long way and I agree with you. But sometimes guys that I’ve dated take it as an insult that I even ask — I’ve had someone tell me, “You don’t even need to offer, I’m surprised you did, you’re pretty enough not to. Don’t offer again to another guy, they’ll think you don’t go out with guys who have enough money for it not to be an issue.” So I think it depends on the guy.

Reply
- Bill Cammack says:
  
  March 6, 2010 at 4:37 am
  
  Hi Sophia. Thanks for listening & commenting. :D
  
  You bring up a very interesting point.
  
  Basically, dating is an attempt by a guy to demonstrate to a gal why she should give it up, or if he wants more than that, why she should become his girlfriend or wife or have his kids or whatever. Part of that process is demonstrating to a woman that he can “take care of her” financially.
  
  This is a throwback to the days when y’all didn’t have any rights, didn’t have any jobs, couldn’t own any land and didn’t have any money. The only discerning factor between guys was how grand a life they could afford to give her if she signed on with their team.
  
  Therefore, a lot of guys consider this to be the way the game goes: The guys pays for the sex and then the girl gives it up.
  
  When you think that way, any attempt to deviate from the norm will indicate to him that you’re not playing along, not interested, or even worse, that you don’t even recognize that he’s trying to get into your pants. It’s like rejecting his advances or saying you “just” want to be friends with him that you would offer to pay, is what they’re thinking.
  
  In a more ghettoized version, the guy might think that you feel like he can’t AFFORD what y’all just enjoyed and feel the need to chip in. If you didn’t chip in for the Hummer with the spinning rims, you most certainly don’t have to chip in for dinner. You have to understand that these are the same people that physically throw money at ~~hookers~~ strippers, so why wouldn’t they hand money to a waiter to pay for a woman’s company?
  
  So, some guys take a woman’s attempt to pay as “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight, so I’m paying my way out of it”, since they feel like they’re buying their way up your skirt to begin with. Other guys feel like you’re trying to nullify the situation as a date and make it a “hangout”. Other guys feel like you’re trying to joust with them as far as who can afford what.
  
  Meanwhile, look at that statement.. “You’re pretty enough not to”. You realize that means that the only reason they’re buying you dinner or whatever is because you’re physically attractive => they want to hit it. They’re letting you know that with your looks, you can get pizaid. You don’t have to open doors for yourself, you don’t have to buy your own drinks, you don’t have to pay for vacations to Jamaica… Just wait until you lose your looks. Watch how guys that think that way treat you. O_o
  
  So, does it depend on the guy? Everything depends on the individual. Here’s the problem with your not reaching for your wallet or the check…
  
  By not doing that, you’re indicating that YOU BELIEVE a guy should pay for your company. That makes you a hooker. Just because you’re attractive, you think guys should pay to take you out. You think guys should take you shopping & on trips. This works wonders for the guys that are attempting to buy their way in. This does *NOT* work wonders with a guy that’s looking for more than sex.
  
  What if he’s checking to see if he wants to marry you? What’s going to happen if he does? You’re going to be some baby that he has to support? You’re not going to be working, because that’s the man’s job? Your only job description is to look good and give it up?
  
  There are lots of guys that enjoy that and are looking for that. There are lots of guys that are going to consider you a leech and then treat you accordingly.
  
  I mean, look at it in the other direction.. If a guy asked you out and then expected YOU to pay for the whole date at the end of the night, you’d be upset and grumbling about how you were never going to go out with him again. That’s because the dynamic of the game is for guys to pay for women’s company & services. How many brothels have you seen where women can go to pay men to have sex with them? Now, how many have you seen where men can go to pay women for sex?
  
  So, my advice to women, across the board, would be to attempt to pay the very first time, in order to test the waters. If the guy says “You’re too pretty” instead of “You’re too intelligent, I enjoyed your conversation so much that I want to buy you dinner”, enjoy the ride and be prepared for the ride to end when you no longer look the way you do now.
  
  I guarantee you that it’s better for you to attempt to pay than to sit there like the fish that took the bait so he can feel like he made his first layaway payment on hooking up with you.
  
  Reply
Tron says:

March 8, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Very interesting perspective, and as much as I agree, I am not nearly as harsh in my judgement. I do however find it refreshing when a woman offers to pay because the way I see it, in todays economy we make nearly the same amount of money (actually I heard that strippers may make more than me)lol, and probably have the same amount of bills, so why should I have to pay for everything? On the other hand I do believe that at least on the first few dates, even though I appreciate a woman offering to pay, I won’t accept her money, as well as I won’t chide her for offering.
Counter however to those women who don’t offer, I probably don’t wanna date those women anymore because regardless of the financial circumstances, she is not a keeper, she is selfish and not going to be worth my time and I don’t care how pretty they might be, or where they “dance.” lol
I often think of the movie, (can’t remember the name) but it’s about a love story between a sista and an Italian, the movie was set in New York or somewhere up north. But the thing was the guy was told by a “WiseGuy” that if she reaches to unlock the car door after you have already opened the door for her, then she is a keeper.
I always think of that when I am on a date. Is she thoughtful and does she consider me or is this date all about her?
In my past I have dated women that I knew from the beginning that there was no future, and I acted accordingly. As far as I was concerned we dated at the time for a specific purpose. For example, I specifically recall dating a beauty contestant/airline stewardess because she liked me and my best friend said I would be stupid if I did not. In reality, I did not think we had anything in common, but we dated… At least for a while until I changed my addy without telling her.
Today however, I won’t waste my time.
I don’t mind spending my money, but it’s gotta be on my terms. I am also that guy who asks the person what is their name before I pay a bill. I just don’t like to give my money to a stranger, at least tell me your name.

Tron the “Country Boy”

Reply
- Bill Cammack says:
  
  March 8, 2010 at 4:16 pm
  
  Thanks for the comments, Tron! :)
  
  That’s actually a very good point that a lot of guys, if not MOST GUYS are giving money to strippers that make more than they do. :D haha wow.
  
  As far as whether to accept money for the date or not, even the first one, it all depends… The reason you don’t want to accept her money is that you want her to know that you’re coming after her. You’re attempting to buy her time, which is an indication that you want to be more than “just friends” with her.
  
  If she still insists, you’re running the risk of offending her concept of her own financial independence. If she prides herself on paying for things, you don’t want to shut her out completely. You can lose a rap for having antiquated ideas of what the man and the woman are each supposed to do in a relationship just as easily as you can lose a rap for being a Herb and letting her run all over you.
  
  So, for Ms Independent.. Ward her off by saying “I’ll let you pick up THE NEXT ONE >:)” which indicates that a) you’re not going to take her money today.. AT ALL, and b) that she’d better be ready to put her money where her mouth is when SHE takes YOU to ~~Tavern on the Green~~ Dylan Prime on HER tab! :D
  
  As far as the selfishness, I agree. If you take a chick out twice and it’s clear to her that you WILL spend the ducats every time if needs be and she doesn’t offer on her own to take you out next time, she’s probably one-a them chicks and unless you’re happy with the pay-to-play routine, get rid of her, ASAP.
  
  The movie you’re taling about is A Bronx Tale.
  
  As far as how she carries herself on a date, even if a guy’s not even feeling her, physically, at the end of the date, she might still get a callback because it’s just nice to do something for someone deserving now & then.
  
  I don’t mind spending money either. In fact, if I know a chick is BRIZOKE, but she’s nice to look at & fun to spend time with, I don’t mind paying for everything all the time. There’s no way I’d want some chick making minimum wage to kick in $45 for us to go to the movies (because that’s what it costs, starting with $12.50/ticket in Manhattan, NYC, USA). I would accept it as a gesture and show her that I appreciated it ;) but seriously.. when I make as much in one day as she makes in two weeks, please, fuhgEddabouddit. Lean back and enjoy the ride.
  
  When she hits the lotto, THEN she can take *ME* out! haha NAH MEEN? :D
  
  Reply