Dating Outside Your Intelligence

Posted by Bill Cammack On July - 28 - 2009

Bill Cammack GSX-RI’ve heard some REALLY STUPID THINGS recently, and I’d like to mention that people really should stick to dating people who are as smart as they are or smarter.

Dating idiots isn’t going to work out for smart people. Dating smart people isn’t going to work out for idiots. It’s a really frustrating match, to use the term “match” loosely.

Dumbing it Down

For the smart person, it’s incredibly frustrating, trying to have a conversation with a fool. The fool doesn’t understand basic concepts, but then believes that they actually have a proper mental grasp on reality. It would be palatable… slightly… if the idiot understood that he or she knows nothing at all, because then, they might be open to listening to what you have to say and attempting to absorb it. Instead, the fool attempts to win you over to their way of thinking, because they’re clearly right, being that they’re too stupid to understand that 4 + 4 doesn’t actually equal 44.

Who Does He Think He *IS*?

Meanwhile, it’s frustrating for the fool, because this person who seems to be a peer of theirs keeps talking down to them and telling them they’re wrong about things. “Why won’t he walk out in the street with me without looking? I mean… The cars aren’t just going to HIT US! That would be WRONG! :(“… “I won’t look like a ho if I have sex with five people that know each other in a four week span. STOP JUDGING MEEEE! :(“… “If I headbutt someone in their head, they’ll be the only ones to get hurt, because I’m the one that did it to THEM! :D”… “How did the steak get all crispy in the ski resort microwave??? I set the timer for the exact same time I always use at home! :O *scratching head*”

Triple-Digit IQs To The Left…

This is why you should never date outside your own intelligence. In the long run, it’s just not worth it. The time you spend concealing your disdain for the other person and muttering about how stupid they are under your breath takes away from the purely good times you could be having with someone that’s just as attractive & sexy, except their brain works properly.

This works just as well for dummies, because neither one thinks that what the other one just said is a bad idea. They’re never condescending towards each other and when something goes wrong, it was just their bad luck……. again….. instead of a blatantly obvious lack of intelligent planning. With neither one of them thinking straight, both of them get to enjoy the bliss of ignorance and all is right with the world. :D

~Bill | @BillCammack

16 Responses to “Dating Outside Your Intelligence”

  1. Frank says:

    hey, i was watching a movie called “illegal tender” and there is one line in that movie that applies to some of the chicks i know… “dumb people can quote socrates, smart people? well smart people just sound it”!!! I cant tell you how many socrates quoting, god “fearing” bible thumpers I have had the pleasure of ending the night on. Not ending with but ending ‘on’, as in ‘hey that’s my mom, gotta go’! One of the hardest things to do is feign stupidity if your are “at that moment” not stupid. Yes, I have been in company that chose to speak about something completely above and beyond me. I ask questions and stop the conversation for further explanation. I have not one problem letting you know that i am clueless at that moment (of course im waiting for the opening that will let me swing this back in my direction or comfort zone). BUT you would never catch me saying “oh yeah.that happened to me and…” and proceeding to make up stats or making up a completely irrelevent story line that barely touches on what was being said.

    Now having said that… Yes i have had sum real dumb chicks in front of me because at the end of the day… They were just plain HOT!!! Being relevant to my thought process or lifestyle is only essential if I plan on still “knowing” you after the week is up.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Yeah, “Illegal Tender” was a good movie. That chick was still HOLDIN’ for her age as well!!! :p~~~

      You’re right that it’s normally a long-term issue, not a short-term one. In fact, you won’t even be able to tell she’s not that bright until you start actually listening to what she has to say…

      Anyway…

      I know that in 2009, people want to pretend like they’re not snobs, but it’s really in their best interests to match up with genetically superior people, just in case of that accidental kid, don’t you know. :D

  2. Yes. Refreshing commentary Bill. The Ultimate in snobery is those who snub the people who really deserve to be the snobs. They try to rob us of that which they are not qualified to be. Not that I aspire to be a snob, but I guess if the shoe fits I should wear it, and it does fit. That’s simply a matter of fact, or truth.

    Unfortunately the people we are talking about are people who don’t know what they don’t know…and how frustrating is that? That particular frustration I do know. I have a boyfriend smarter than the average, but still not quite smart enough for me…really. However, he is smart enough to know that I am a level or two smarter than he is, and that’s the best I have been able to do in the boyfriend area, as far as the whole matching thing goes.

    It has taken me a long time to realize how intelligent that I really am. Now I don’t know if I was just born that way, or if my parents actually gave me the tools to grow into it, or maybe its all that reading and studying that stimulated my brain, but I am definitly one of those very intelligent people. (I mean I have actually written 2 patents and 2 provisional patents myself, and represented myself in court 3 times, and won all three cases against fairly competent attorneys; for example.)

    And its a difficult thing to be actually. Its like I woke up one day about 10 years ago and had swallowed some kind of genious pill in my sleep, because everyone, I mean almost absolutely everyone was all of a sudden really retarded.

    But of course, I don’t talk about this much, because very few people would track with me, and perhaps accuse me of being well you know, that really bad thing, “a snob” or an egocentric person, or horrors of horrors, there goes “that person who thinks she’s always right.”

    The only thing, the truth is, I am right most of the time, but I am not attached to being right, wrong is OK too, because I learn from being wrong…I find myself hiding that fact so that I won’t offend the rest of the poor people who are really unaware, unintelligent, and unfocused, and uncaring as well.

    And then after all this “blasphemy” is said and done, let it be known that i am one of the most loving and generous and inspiring people that I know.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Great points, Deborah. Thanks. :D

      Before getting to your actual points… I’m an MIT graduate (alum.mit.edu/www/billcammack). I learned very soon after graduation to hide this fact for the exact reasons you bring up. All your opinions are cool with people as long as they think you’re an average Joe/Josephine. Give the same opinions with the background of going to the top schools in the country and all of a sudden, you think you know more than other people do. All of a sudden, you’re being a snob, saying the exact same thing you said yesterday. I got tired of that game quickly and didn’t wear my ring for years.

      That all changed when I was at a party that my friend Bre Pettis threw, and I met fellow MIT grad, Limor Fried & Phil Torrone.

      Limor, Phil & BillLimor had her ring and I didn’t have mine. Let’s just say I felt… completely undressed! hahaha :D

      After that day, which I happen to know was July 21, 2007 because of pictures, I’ve never been caught out there ever again not REPRESENTING! :D Just that one DUH moment for me was enough to get my mind right as far as whether I was willing to walk the unbeaten path or hide in the crowd of the masses….

      Those who “don’t know what they don’t know” are RATHER frustrating. Agreed ;)

      I hear you on the “Smarter than the average, but still not quite smart enough for me”. The problem is that unless someone’s on your level as far as world-view and understanding, you can’t have a progressive conversation with them. All of your time is spent trying to get them to understand what should be common knowledge. When you interact with people that already know what time it is, as I had the EXTREME PLEASURE of doing yesterday evening with a gal I respect and cherish, you can get on with it, have important and useful conversations and EVEN potentially learn something yourself! :) It’s so great to realize every once in a blue moon that SOMEONE has already pioneered this mental space that you’re heading into as you figured you were alone…

      The fact that he’s smart enough to know that you’re smarter than him is extremely valuable. There are a lot of guys that < a href="http://billcammack.com/2009/03/24/she-loves-it/">can’t handle this. There are societal stigmas about being “less” than your woman is, which are holdovers from the patriarchal underpinnings of American society. A lot of guys hold themselves responsible for being better than their women, regardless. If they’re not smarter or don’t make more money or don’t hold a more prestigious position or job title or have a better apartment or car or whatever, they can’t handle it and tend to bail for “greener pastures” with a female they definitely trump. The fact that he knows who you are relative to him and is willing to hang in there and play his position is VALUABLE! :D

      It’s going to be tough for you to do better than that as far as dating matching. This is because guys in general aren’t looking for women that are as smart as they are.. We’re looking for women that turn us on. I’m sure you have that covered as well, because I’ve been to your site, hehe but the fact is that your intelligence and achievements will be heralded but won’t get you any particular props over that chick working the fries in the fast food establishment if that’s what floats an intelligent man’s boat. I’ve been thinking about this recently, and I might try the revolutionary idea of dating NOT to get on, but rather to meet intelligent women that I actually enjoy spending time with instead of waiting to get to the good part. ;) That’s tough to do for guys that are used to following their natural vectors and socializing for attraction value vs mental value.

      HAHAHAHAHA as far as the “genius pill” you swallowed, welcome to my world. I know what happened to me, though. From 4th grade all the way through graduating MIT (= 9 years), my best friends were the mental elite. I went to Hunter Elementary, which you couldn’t even get into without passing an IQ test. I went to Bronx High School of Science, which you couldn’t get into without passing a citywide test. I went to MIT, which you couldn’t get into without a BUNCH of qualifications and your parents having enough money to throw at your college education.

      Once I graduated, I was ejected into the real world, which is populated with people that were never segregated by intelligence. Things that I took completely for granted were all of a sudden needles to be found in the worldwide haystack. This goes back to the retirement of my ring, because I went from “We ALL go to MIT, Harvard, Wellesley, etc” or “We ALL go to Bronx Science, Stuyvesant, Brooklyn Tech & Hunter” to “Oh, you’re one of those know-it-alls that went to elite schools! :/”. I found blending to be more conducive to my dating career than having it be known who I really am.

      The fact that you don’t talk about it much is a complete liability. I highly suggest that you look into aligning yourself with someone similar, male or female, where you can really get your honest feelings aired out. It makes SO MUCH of a difference, speaking to someone that knows and understands what you’re talking about as opposed to people that will nod and not say anything negative to you but still don’t agree with what you’re saying and probably think you’re a megalomaniac. :D

      Even in my own blog, I don’t get to say the complete truth about things. I’d like to, but people can’t handle it. Just yesterday, I shelved an upcoming episode of Street Game because it was TOO REAL. A couple of celebrities have recently lost their LIVES because of how they interacted with females. There are some very basic blunders that they made that directly or indirectly caused their deaths and it’s obvious and could probably save someone else’s life if they understood to stop selling women dreams and stop scamming them to get some and then not having an exit strategy for when they’re done with them and ready to move on to the next chick. I would have loved to have aired that episode, but way more people will receive it improperly than the amount of guys that would learn something from it and carry themselves differently, so it got vetoed. The point being that just having the ability to kick it about REAL stuff is therapeutic, and without that ability, it’s going to remain bottled up inside you and thwart your attempts to relate to someone that can’t understand you.

      Same thing goes for hiding that you’re right. I do the same thing on a regular basis. I slipped up ONE TIME, because I was in a heated yet loving argument with a friend of mine over her new boyfriend and she said something about having kids with him.

      It was probably around 2am and I had been drunk for hours and arguing with her for at least an hour and lost my handle on my ability/desire to not be 100% straight up with her and exclamed “GET THE **** OUTTA HERE!… YOU’RE NOT HAVING ANY *KIDS* WITH THAT DUDE! :/”. From the look on her face, I immediately wished I hadn’t told her what I perceived to be the truth, but holding it in had just become too much for me. :) I wasn’t able to allow the conversation to go forward with her thinking that *I* thought her statement about having kids with him was valid.

      That’s the kind of pressure that builds up and can affect your daily life or your relationships if you don’t find a way to just stop, release it all, and let it go….

      For me, that’s one of the benefits of blogging. I’m thinking about an issue, I get to talk about it and let it go. Hopefully, someone gets something out of it. If not, I still feel fully self-expressed and can get on with my day and my life. :)

      Cheers, Deborah! :D

      • Frank says:

        Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, the life of the Know It All! The Know It All being the one individual (and its almost always just ONE in the group) who happens to speak on matters he/she is most aware of or comfortable with. The one who usually has the last word in many a conversation because as the words spill from his/her mouth the rest of the group realizes that, at that moment, they are witness to something far above any one of them. HAHAHAHAHAH… This could easily have been called Socializing outside your intelligence instead of dating…
        Its been my experience that this label is usually attached to a person by the one who is intellectually, socially, even financially inferior OR by the one who has the most lack of confidence brewing in them. It just gets easier to dumb it down, as in Bills situation with his class ring, or develop some seriously thick skin. Me personally, I could really care less if I’m liked or not. I happen to be well read and I also enjoyed the opportunity of pursuing a higher education… I can hold my own in many conversations. I have lost track of how many times some female I wanted to get with gave me attitude because I “suggested”, “corrected” and “improved” on a situation that SHE herself invited me to comment on. As it turns out, those of a lesser base of knowledge don’t want to know that you actually DO KNOW what they don’t BUT would prefer to hear you say “uhhhh…”! Well, if you don’t really want to know, don’t ask me. But truth be told I’m a guy… Males are supposed to establish their level of strength/intelligence in order to develop a place in a pack. I prefer to go the solo route even when I’m in a group. I guess for some one such as Deborah, society’s mandate that the man always lead and the man always be the smartest…
        I think she is in an ideal situation. Her companion knows and is accepting. I myself once (many moons ago) dated a girl who always seemed too willing to be led by the hand. If we went o see a Broadway (off b’way) play she seemed almost fascinated to the point of delirium. If we went out to eat, whatever I ordered for her was the most deelish treat she could have. I personally was starting to get annoyed. It was maybe a month and change later that I actually saw her in her own environment… I was stunned. She knew sports (a topic she would ask me about). She was having a conversation with her friends about a certain play and the 2 different actresses that played the lead when she saw it twice. She had an incredible surround sound system that she herself had installed! Needless to say, when her friends left we had a very deep conversation that led to her admitting that she routinely dumbed it down around guys because she didn’t want to be the know it all ex. As the conversation went on, it became very obvious that in terms of book smarts she could run circles around me… In terms of social intelligence we were even if not slightly separated in her favor. I would have much preferred to get with this version of her than the one I met. It only lasted about another month. It was all basically my fault. I resorted to the same put downs that we real “know it alls” (yeah, I said we…lol) have to endure from those that don’t. I found myself sarcastically asking “hey did I do this right” or “are you ok with how I did this”… Considering how many times I have been on the receiving end of this I should probably have known better. (fyi: I didn’t do it because I was scared of her “superiority” but because I was truly annoyed that she lied about who she was to begin with).

        1)For those that don’t know, here is a simple explanation of how some one becomes a Know It All: Since we tend to only speak on subjects that we do know, it always appears that we are right!!! We don’t step into your thoughts/ideas/questions unless we have a reasonable idea on how to reach a conclusion.
        2)For those of us who find that the person we are dating is one of the perpetrators of the name calling: dump the insecure f*ck… (unless of course you are a guy, in which case you pump THEN dump).

        And Mr. Cammack; I have said before that considering our zip codes I was surprised we had never crossed paths before… here is some more to chew on: I was “accepted” at both Friends and Hunter Academies but my dad put an end to that (I’ll let you know why later). I went to Manhattan Center because Brooklyn Tech was too far (I wasn’t trying to get up that early) and Bronx Science required that I go to summer school for some math class that had not been offered at my junior high. Although I have friends who graduated from there (class of ’88) and I actually spent quite some time hanging out there and even participated in some of “activities” that included the keg parties and getting on the freshman at the end of the year. Dude, I even participated in a mini “brawl” with that other HS in the area (I cant remember the name though) that thought their students were tougher than your science mates!! Lol How oh how did we not meet before!!!??!!

        • Bill Cammack says:

          Agreed. This could definitely have been called Socializing Outside Your Intelligence, except it’s even worse if you’re in a mismatched relationship. You get to choose when you socialize with people. Most people don’t get to choose who their SO is from day to day. :D

          The application is definitely most times by people that consider themselves inferior. The problem is that you can’t afford that in a rap situation, unless that’s your game. If your plan is to get on by overwhelming, undeniable superiority, that works fine. In all other cases, it works against you. You’re way better off with women underestimating you than overestimating you or knowing exactly who you are if you happen to trump them.

          I agree with you as far as “caring less” whether I’m liked or not. The fact remains that it makes the business harder to accomplish if you take the incorrect tact. :)

          Important point that you bring up that “Males are supposed to establish their level of strength/intelligence in order to develop a place in a pack”. This is one of the reasons we’re so competitive. Women pick the best men. You have to assist them in understanding why you’re better than the next man or why you’re better than they are, which is why they should follow you. If you’re not better than they are, what biological impetus do they have to procreate with you? None. And if people think that the proliferation of condoms and birth control has lessened the female imperative to hook up with guys with superior genes, they’re completely wrong.

          As far as women being led, that’s fine.. so long as they’re going to be effective when it comes time for them to play THEIR position. There are going to be (rare) times when she’s called upon to do something important. As long as she can operate effectively and carry the team at that point, she’s welcome to follow along the rest of the time. If she’s just a direct FAILURE every time she’s called upon to represent, there are more deserving chicks that a brotha could be lavishing with his focus and attention.

          Deborah definitely has an issue, in that the way the game goes, women are “supposed” to follow better men. It’s tough for accomplished women to pull MORE ACCOMPLISHED men, because their accomplishments don’t get them any credit over a nice body. If a guy’s already making $1,000,000 a year, what’s his incentive to hook up with a gal making $300,000? None. The money she’s adding doesn’t make one difference, whatsoever. What he’s looking for is Good Times, and if he gets that from a waitress @ Dave & Buster’s, that’s how it went. Buy her an Escalade and call it a day. :D

          This is actually what led to the creation of the “Cougar” category. The accomplished women are going for THEIRS just like the accomplished men are. Screw these well-paid guys that don’t feel like doing the right thing by them in the bedroom. These women already have the bills covered, so what they want is a guy that they like, that they think is attractive and makes them feel like a natural woman…..

          Interesting story about the gal that was dumbing it down. Fortunately for me, my naturally overbearing and superior attitude makes gals bring their A-Game to the table. The first thing I’mma do is talk about her like a dog or try to get her alone in the bathroom. Depending on how she carries herself, I’m going to know if she can handle the real or not. If her reaction’s good and she’s willing to stand her ground, defend herself and come back at me with her own assault, she gets that respect and might graduate from some chick I’m tryin’na get on with to an actual homegirl of mine in the inner circle.

          Another excellent point about the fact that Know-It-Alls only speak when they have something intelligent to say. Most people just run their mouths for no reason and don’t have anything intelligent to say. This gives the appearance of a percentage chance that they might be right. I’m more likely to speak up when the odds are really good that I’m correct and have something valuable to add to this conversation. If I don’t know about a situation, my speculation’s as worthless as that of the village idiot. :)

          The other school was “Clinton”, and they were DEFINITELY tougher than us, because basically ANYBODY could go to that school haha. As a matter of fact, Clinton was pointed out to us as freshmen as basically where the boogeymen go to school! :D

          As you know, my sister went to Manhattan Center. I might have ended up there myself, except I was always on the ELITE track. Not that MC isn’t perfectly respectable, but I was always thrown at the best schools, potentially because my parents lived through REAL prejudice & discrimination and wanted me to be the cyborg that I am today… competitive with ANYBODY on ANY LEVEL in ANY ARENA.

          You’re not going to rank higher than me on Google. You’re not going to be faster than me on a bike.

          You’re not going to outthink me when I’m leading my crew in video games. If you ARE better than I am right now… I’m built to keep improving myself until I can compete or defeat you. I sleep as little as possible because I have so much self improvement to effect every single day…

          I think you bring up an important point about us never crossing paths other than Liz hipping you to my blog. There has to be something that can be done about that. Something like a MiGente for intelligent and progressive people to meet each other instead of check out hawt pics and hook up with available chicks! ;)

  3. dave says:

    A COMMON MISCONCEPTION
    Granted that intelligence is determined both by inheritance (read genetics) and environment, it is a grave mistake to assume that airheads cannot have highly intelligent babies (they often do), or that a bluestocking does not give birth to an idiot (she may, sometimes, and it has nothing to do with her level of education).
    So, even if you think your gf with an accidental baby is an airhead, take a deep breath; the baby is most likely a genius.

    • Bill Cammack says:

      Thanks for the comments, Dave. :)

      Interesting point. Were it a goal of mine to have kids, I would still aim to ‘stack the deck’ and select a gal that I felt there was a REALLY GOOD PROBABILITY that she was internally a fantastic person, mentally, emotionally, common-sense-wise, world-view-wise & spiritually.

      I would also want to make sure we were on the same wavelength so that discussions could be held intelligently and efficiently. People who can’t understand each other or refuse to be honest with each other are going to have more conflict than is necessary, leading to missed opportunities or unnecessary errors that occurred because the “think tank” couldn’t come up with the right decision at the right time.

      Most importantly, since I agree with you that the level of intelligence of one or both parents doesn’t definitely mentally restrict their offspring, I’d be concerned that this chick isn’t smart enough to teach my 1-year-old baby. hahaha Does that make sense? :D I just plain wouldn’t want the kid exposed to her retardation for hours and hours every day, learning NOTHING and having a poor example of how a future leader’s supposed to carry him/herself in life.

      Basically, you want to say “If I were a kid, would I want this chick to be my teacher and guardian during the most formative years of my life?”.

      If the answer is “No”, then select another chick. If that’s the only chick available to you, good luck and make sure that YOU spend as much time as you can teaching your child as possible.

  4. Hi Bill,

    It’s been about half a year since I participated in this blog conversation and I have thought about it many times since I first wrote. And so perhaps, as Paul Harvey would say, here is “the rest of the story.”

    I follow up regarding my mention of the boyfriend who is very loving, very humble, but not as intelligent or educated compared to me (he has a college degree, and has been a teacher for 33 years but, just not very quick)

    I described my boyfriend as being less intelligent, but smart and humble enough to know it, while somehow escaping the patriarchial model (because he is from an African American background?). Although it is the best relationship with a man that I have ever experienced, I now find myself after 3 years, having intense difficulties. I will also add, of course, that I have grown tremendously in the last 3 years, and my boyfriend has grown some, but not much.

    The challenges have to do with my mumbling under my breath that he is retarded! He is slow, slow, slow, slow to action. This is because he has to very carefully think about everything; and it absolutely drives me crazy.

    Perhaps I shall try the couger model next. However, I am not a financially wealthy woman at this point after recently spending $110K on my daughter’s college education; (although my finances could rebound at any moment) therefore I wonder how I could pull that off?

    One point I would like to clarify from this discussion is that even though I am above average intelligence and education, I have finally accepted that I do not need my man to be bigger, stronger, taller, smarter, richer, etc. than myself in order to be attracted to him. However, if he is less intelligent than me by a big chunk, it may be that he is holding “us” back.

    This is what happens with my present boyfriend. He has poor time management skills, and can’t get things done in what I consider to be a timely manner. I mean, for example, I went to the Caribbean for 3 months to do some writing, and I anticipated that I was going to do this about a year ahead of time, so I asked him to get his passport so he could come have a wonderful time with me there.

    I asked him a year ahead of time to apply for his passport, and he agreed…everyone should have one anyway (right?), and reminded him 4 and then 3 months ahead of time…Well, long story short, he got stuck in one small part of the process in getting his passport and therefore we didn’t have our date in the Caribbean! He had no passport.

    I survived it of course, but it was a major dissapointment because, well, it wasn’t the first time something like this happened, and well, it would have been so much fun! And when I say fun, I am talking about fun in the way a high-testosterome man likes to have fun.

    Yet the truth is I am a very productive, highly functioning person, so maybe he’s just “normal,” whereas I, being self employed, I am not in the habit of procrastination in order to win over the time clock. And “normal” people seem to have these habits engrained in them without even realizing it! So now it seems it is up to me to train him in time control systems just to get him up to par so we can go on a date!

    Now I am in this dilemna that he is not functioning well enough, as far as having the skills to follow me around the world. It doesn’t seem like it should be so difficult. I had the lodging and food covered, a 2 bedroom Condo on the beach, and well, lots of wonderful fresh food and groceries and kitchen, a pool, small private beach, etc. even had frequent flyer miles to transfer to him, but he gets hung up on the smallest simplist details! Like a passport? I mean how hard is that?

    And then he cries because he misses me! I am not wanting to hear that kind of whining when it was in his control to make it happen. Paleeeeeaze.

    So even though when I first wrote in this blog last summer, I thought this was a great fit, it doesn’t seem to be panning out very well at this point.

    As an extra intelligent person (I am pretty attractive, and not hiding behind my intelligence as an excuse for my “failures” with men); I have observed something interesting. The more you know, the more you grow, and the more you grow, the more you know!

    So if two people are growing at different rates, the one who is growing faster is going to outgrow the one who is growing more slowly to the point of having suprisingly serious compatiability issues.

    The ultimate in compatiability issues is if you can’t even get together to be with each other in the same room at the same time. And how about the concept of making agreements and keeping them, unless there is an exceptionally unexpected, unanticipated situation? What I think is basic. We are fabulously spiritually, physically, and emotionally connected, but there’s this gap in intelligence, which is what prevents the making of a successful date.

    The rest of this story might just be the one the proves the point about the woes of dating outside of one’s intelligence!

    Arhg.

    • davidddd says:

      Deborah S Nelson,
      I believe you need to look in the mirror. You are the sole cause of your relationship failures. I have not read a more condescending piece like the one you wrote in a VERY long time. Wao!
      You sounded so ARROGANT and utterly narcissistic in your writing, I almost wanted to puke. Ew! Your first boyfriend was “slow” although “he has a college degree, and has been a teacher for 33 years”. Does it occur to you that personality types play a HUGE role in how quickly people make decisions? Some people, though highly intelligent, could take forever to make up their minds on a seemingly small issue. As far as you’re concerned, once a person does not act as quickly as you do, they must be of inferior intelligence.
      And of course, your current boyfriend “has poor time management skills, and can’t get things done” in what you consider to be a “timely manner”. Moreover, “he is not functioning well enough, as far as having the skills to follow me around the world”. Did you even read what you just wrote? I guess not. Your arrogance has blinded your eyes. You portrayed yourself as this powerful queen with super intelligence, sitting on your throne and deciding who among the men you’ve come across is worthy of your superior intelligence. You said so much about how beautiful, how financially stable and how intelligent you are. And what did you write about the qualities of the these men you have dated? Zero. Zilch. Nada. All you see are their faults and shortcomings; how they cannot keep up with your super self, and you have to bark orders at them, expecting them to comply without question.
      Well, here is a question for you: if you were as intelligent as you claim, how come you’ve had difficulties finding and picking similarly intelligent men, rather than these riffraffs you’ve written about? Why is your super intelligence not enough to guide you in your relationship choices? How come you keep ending up with less intelligent men?
      I will tell you. The problem you have has nothing to do with with intelligence gap. It has everything to do with a stinking, repulsive and totally arrogant attitude that makes you think you are all that and every man you meet is none of that. It has to do with a very bad feministic approach that actively seek to emasculate men at every turn.
      As a man with more than 40 years experience of being one, I can assure you that you won’t find one of us to settle down with you. It ain’t gonna happen. Unless you change this your foolish and arrogant attitude, and begin to appreciate the men that God has brought along your path, and accept that you are not as super intelligent as you think you are, and that these men are not as stupid as you have tried to portray them to be. Yes, you will end up being alone—with many cats and many stories to tell of how ALL the men you’ve dated are bad, and you alone is great.
      I know you will be unhappy that I chose to burst your annoying bubbles and put you in your place. I wish to tell you however, that this is nothing personal.
      Have a good trip to wherever you go in the world–alone. Hope to read again from you in 5, 10, 20 years complaining about how the men could never measure up to your superior demands.

      • Bill Cammack says:

        Davidddd. Thanks for the comment. :)

        Just so you know, “House Rules” on my blog is to stick to the facts without personally attacking other commenters. I feel that you’ve done that in this instance, so I don’t have any problems with what you wrote.

        As long as we stay on-point, we can have discussions that we all learn from. Personal attacks should be just that.. Personal, as in “Private”, and won’t be tolerated or left standing on my blog.

        Thanks.
        ~ The Management ~

        • davidddd says:

          Thanks Bill.
          I will never, ever attack anyone. But I will always attack bad ideas, and bad, arrogant and narcissistic attitudes, particularly when such attitudes are displayed by people who won’t take responsibility for their failures, but choose to blame someone else.

  5. Bill Cammack says:

    Welcome back, Deborah! :D

    I think the education & enlightenment you have received is great and important. In order for more intelligent people to successfully date less intelligent people, the differences have to be in areas that are tolerable. Also, as you point out, if you’re still mentally accelerating faster than the person you’re already ahead of, it’s going to become a bigger and bigger problem until it potentially becomes intolerable.

    Women have a MAJOR issue that men don’t have, which is this feeling that they have to date men “better than they are”. I guarantee you that guys have no such issue. This is how we can date chicks half our age, with no education and no earning potential. So long as she looks good and is interested in doing what we want to do with her, It’s ON! :D

    If this were a 12-step program, I’d say the first step is for a woman to recognize that she’s limiting herself to like 10% of the population if she’s already successful and intelligent and trying to date someone that she can look up to and follow. The second step would be to realize that the 10% she’s trying to date are hooking up with barely-post-college females that look hawt and think that pole-dancing is a skill they could put on a job resume. The third step is to take herself past societal limits and date whomever floats her boat and the fourth step is to realize that if she does that, sooner or later, the guy’s shortcomings are going to creep up on her until she can’t stand it anymore and he needs to be ejected.

    The passport thing is just retarded, with a year-long advance warning. It’s like if you can’t handle going on a vacation with me, how can you possibly handle anything IMPORTANT that might come up? :/

    Reader “Sophia” brought to my attention the fact that I go back and forth between styles of advice/commenting. I’d like to say as a personal statement that chicks are guilty until proven innocent. I’m an elitist. I graduated from MIT, the top school in the universe and I’m an Emmy Award-Winning video editor. I could have bagged and married Harvard chicks and I’ve been in the trenches with hawt, stupid ghetto chicks from The Bronx. There isn’t much that I haven’t seen and I’m rarely impressed with a chick, evAr. I was with my ex for ~4 years because we were PERFECTLY compatible at the time, and all I wanted to do every day was spend time with her. When that situation ran out, the romantic aspect of our relationship disappeared, but we’re still close.

    My advice on dating should actually be prefaced with the caveat that I *ALWAYS* expect it to end, eventually. What you described is exactly what happens for ANYONE that settles for someone they know damned well is inferior to them. Eventually, the small cracks become large chasms that you’re tired of sprinting and jumping across. I think people should be together while it’s RIGHT for them to be together and then call it a day.

    The only way past this is if the ‘lesser’ person is willing to put the pedal to the metal and really, REALLY try to improve themselves. If not, they eventually become a liability and being single is way more fun than being “together” with an albatross.

    I also agree with you about growing. I grow by writing my blog. I grow by reading responses like the one you just posted and I’m growing now by gathering my thoughts and concepts to reply to it. If I encounter someone I don’t perceive as mentally growing, I see it for what it is.. We’ll have the fun we have and when it’s over it’s over. C’est La Vie! :D

    The only reason I was with my ex for so long is that every day I would part from her company, all I was looking forward to in life was spending time with her the very next day. We were sharing good times, growing together and authentically expressing ourselves to each other. When you feel like you’re growing apart from someone instead of growing WITH them… For whom the bell tolls… Time. Marches. ON! [On (on..)]…… :D

  6. Deborah says:

    Hi Bill, and David:

    I appreciate the input and thoughts so very much. Not wanting to go into too many details , I used “this one passport incident” to simplify the complex interactions and relationship dynamic that developed over our 3 years, and I therefore perhaps understated the growing pattern of a man whose words stopped matching his actions.

    Bill, as I stated I no longer require a man to be “better” than me to be attracted to him, I totally get that. But there are some basics required just to be able to navigate within a relationship.

    Perhaps expecting a person’s word to match their actions is arrogant? I am willing to consider it, as new twist on the meaning of that word. Perhaps I am being “too rigid” in making those demands on a man who says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me? I am willing to consider it. Can I just be arrogant, (and ‘at fault’) and can he just be suddenly more intelligent, so we can kiss and make up and forget about all these broken dates, promises, plans, and dreams and live happily ever after? My being wrong, arrogant, and selfish would be a small price to pay if I could make this love of my life last forever, David! So please Bill, or David, tell me how I can contort and wrap my mind and soul around that possibility!

    My sweet sweet man’s intentions are good, no doubt about it! So please tell me how to understand how I can honestly make this “my fault,” David, because the Cinderella part of me wants to know how to live happily ever after with this man, as I love this man so very very much.

    However, that ridiculous denial and hope aside, when all is said and done about what arrogance is or is not, and what intelligence is or is not, (that could be debated, but I will not go there in this piece); I tend to agree with Bill in the sense that I do not see this relationship as a failure. In fact, I am very thankful for the amazing love and amazing times that we spent together, as they have taught me so very much about myself, and I have grown so much with this man (I hope that didn’t sound arrogant).

    We had a great run, with lots of love, great lovemaking, and learning on both sides! And we are still friends, and interact on a less hopeful level, a less intense level. However, the reality that I have grown at a different pace is something that was highlighted by “the passport incident,” which no matter how you slice it is somewhat retarded. (maybe not retarded, maybe his way of not wanting to be with me, and somehow he can’t tell me that?). Reality has shown me that I will need to train this man in time managment skills just to ensure that we have time together. I am not sure he can learn it, although he clearly loves me enough to try! He is willing.

    Just to clarify, this man and I started as friends for the first year of our relationship, so there remains a great deal of respect,love, and admiration; and I am happy for that. We remain very good friends, but when dates can no longer happen (due to repetative broken agreements); then the romance goes out of the relationship because there is no time or platform for their expression.

    And that’s O.K. I chose to be honest with myself, there is a disconnect, either he doesn’t love and value me and our time together as much as he beleives and says he does, or he simply isn’t capable of maintaining a long distance, and long term relationship with me; which requires making and keeping dates so we can make love and enjoy our time together. This is basic stuff, here.

    I am finding that honest and good relationships don’t last forever, because people grow and change at different rates: and if they truly love one another, they allow and support that! I am willing to let go and let it be what it was, and not try to make it into something its not. And even though he wants to marry me “someday,” as a reasoning thinking person, I am thinking if he can’t even get a passport, then hanging on for that marriage licence would like take another decade, and my time is too precious to make that wait(both of us in our fifies).

    And again, perhaps you would define it as arrogance, David, but your assumption that being alone for the rest of my life is a “fate worse than death” is not an assumption that I make. I am truly not in fear of being alone, I rather enjoy my own company, and when a good and interesting man comes comes into my life to share love, romance, memories, laughter, conversation, joy, wine, last but not least, lovemaking, and whatever, well, so much the better!

    Again, thank you so much for this incredible, wonderful, stimuating discussion!

    Wishing both of you (and myself) incredible, love, romance, passion, communications, and sex all the rest of the days of your life!

    Deborah

  7. Deborah says:

    P.S. Perfect Response, Bill. Every single word. Thank you and God Bless You this very day!

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