I appreciate the input and thoughts so very much. Not wanting to go into too many details , I used “this one passport incident” to simplify the complex interactions and relationship dynamic that developed over our 3 years, and I therefore perhaps understated the growing pattern of a man whose words stopped matching his actions.

Bill, as I stated I no longer require a man to be “better” than me to be attracted to him, I totally get that. But there are some basics required just to be able to navigate within a relationship.

Perhaps expecting a person’s word to match their actions is arrogant? I am willing to consider it, as new twist on the meaning of that word. Perhaps I am being “too rigid” in making those demands on a man who says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me? I am willing to consider it. Can I just be arrogant, (and ‘at fault’) and can he just be suddenly more intelligent, so we can kiss and make up and forget about all these broken dates, promises, plans, and dreams and live happily ever after? My being wrong, arrogant, and selfish would be a small price to pay if I could make this love of my life last forever, David! So please Bill, or David, tell me how I can contort and wrap my mind and soul around that possibility!

My sweet sweet man’s intentions are good, no doubt about it! So please tell me how to understand how I can honestly make this “my fault,” David, because the Cinderella part of me wants to know how to live happily ever after with this man, as I love this man so very very much.

However, that ridiculous denial and hope aside, when all is said and done about what arrogance is or is not, and what intelligence is or is not, (that could be debated, but I will not go there in this piece); I tend to agree with Bill in the sense that I do not see this relationship as a failure. In fact, I am very thankful for the amazing love and amazing times that we spent together, as they have taught me so very much about myself, and I have grown so much with this man (I hope that didn’t sound arrogant).

We had a great run, with lots of love, great lovemaking, and learning on both sides! And we are still friends, and interact on a less hopeful level, a less intense level. However, the reality that I have grown at a different pace is something that was highlighted by “the passport incident,” which no matter how you slice it is somewhat retarded. (maybe not retarded, maybe his way of not wanting to be with me, and somehow he can’t tell me that?). Reality has shown me that I will need to train this man in time managment skills just to ensure that we have time together. I am not sure he can learn it, although he clearly loves me enough to try! He is willing.

Just to clarify, this man and I started as friends for the first year of our relationship, so there remains a great deal of respect,love, and admiration; and I am happy for that. We remain very good friends, but when dates can no longer happen (due to repetative broken agreements); then the romance goes out of the relationship because there is no time or platform for their expression.

And that’s O.K. I chose to be honest with myself, there is a disconnect, either he doesn’t love and value me and our time together as much as he beleives and says he does, or he simply isn’t capable of maintaining a long distance, and long term relationship with me; which requires making and keeping dates so we can make love and enjoy our time together. This is basic stuff, here.

I am finding that honest and good relationships don’t last forever, because people grow and change at different rates: and if they truly love one another, they allow and support that! I am willing to let go and let it be what it was, and not try to make it into something its not. And even though he wants to marry me “someday,” as a reasoning thinking person, I am thinking if he can’t even get a passport, then hanging on for that marriage licence would like take another decade, and my time is too precious to make that wait(both of us in our fifies).

And again, perhaps you would define it as arrogance, David, but your assumption that being alone for the rest of my life is a “fate worse than death” is not an assumption that I make. I am truly not in fear of being alone, I rather enjoy my own company, and when a good and interesting man comes comes into my life to share love, romance, memories, laughter, conversation, joy, wine, last but not least, lovemaking, and whatever, well, so much the better!

Again, thank you so much for this incredible, wonderful, stimuating discussion!

Wishing both of you (and myself) incredible, love, romance, passion, communications, and sex all the rest of the days of your life!

Deborah

Just so you know, “House Rules” on my blog is to stick to the facts without personally attacking other commenters. I feel that you’ve done that in this instance, so I don’t have any problems with what you wrote.

As long as we stay on-point, we can have discussions that we all learn from. Personal attacks should be just that.. Personal, as in “Private”, and won’t be tolerated or left standing on my blog.

Thanks.
~ The Management ~