Is Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend a Liar?

My ex and I had a superbly, fantastically EXCELLENT relationship for approximately four years… She would lie to me, and I would catch her lying. 😀

Bill CammackI’m sure that doesn’t sound excellent to *you*, but it was for me. The fact that she was constantly lying meant that she was constantly trying to get over on me. It meant that she was going ALL OUT to get her way in situations. I admire and respect that, and I’m the same way. I want to WIN. I like being around people that WANT TO WIN and are willing to do whatever they have to do to achieve their goals.

What’s good about liars?

The fantastic part about this is that I kept experiencing instances where I could collect data about how she acts, sounds and looks when she’s telling the truth and when she isn’t. Eventually, maybe one year into our relationship, well, let’s say the ‘romantic’ part of our relationship, since we’re still close, to this very day… I had learned her behaviors so well that I could tell by her breathing patterns how she felt about things. There was this little “catch” in her breathing that would occur when she stopped “being” and started “thinking”. It was like Keanu seeing the double-cat in The Matrix. I knew that whatever I was about to get was something she was crafting or making up as opposed to something that she was naturally giving me, from her heart & soul.

The reason this is important is that I knew more about her than she wanted me to know. This allowed me to make decisions from a solid foundation of believing her or NOT believing her, because I was reacting to what she was subconsciously giving me instead of what she was consciously trying to feed me.

How did this come up?

I thought about this because I saw a video the other day with a guy and a gal talking to each other. I had never seen the guy before in my life. The gal asked him a question, and his reply was “UHHHHHHHH”. Now, he had been talking to her regularly before that. He heard everything she had to say before that. All of a sudden, he needed to stall for time, and his face entirely changed as if he had just started calculating what he was going to say to her. I was like “This guy’s lying”. Right off the bat. He hadn’t lied YET, but it was on the way, because instead of genuinely responding, he paused and had to decide how he was going to play this situation out.

Come to find out a little later in the video that the reason he was suddenly crafting his responses was that he had FAILED to deliver what he had promised to bring her. HE KNEW IT, but he didn’t want to say so while the cameras were running. He was lying by omission. He was deliberately leaving pertinent information out in an attempt to get over.

So I’m looking at this like “Man.. This guy’s really transparent. He’s such a BAD LIAR! :D” and that’s what reminded me of my ex transparently lying to me in my face. SHE didn’t know that *I* knew damned well that she was completely lying, and that’s the way I LIKED IT, because since she thought she was getting over, she never changed her style of lying and I always felt confident about whether I should base anything on what she just said or not.

Barring an actually HONEST female, the best ones to date are the ones that think they’re smarter than you, except they’re NOT! 😀

What do you believe?

Personally, in social situations, like, “kickin’ it” situations, I don’t believe ANYTHING a female has to say. Nothing. Not. One. Thing. It has nothing to do with her being female, but rather that people in general have agendas and will come after you for whatever they want to do with you. I’ve been historically lied to by females so much that I’m rollin’ with “Guilty Until Proven Innocent”. This is why it was so great that my ex tried so hard and so often to get over on me so that I could honestly judge when she was lying to me, but way more importantly… When she was telling the truth!

What happens in most situations is that people don’t receive this education about their SOs, and then THE BIG LIE comes down the pipe and catches them slippin’. Two outs in the ninth with bases loaded, and you just got caught looking at a fastball down the middle. You’re out. You Lose. Game over.

Test the brakes.

Being in a relationship with someone that you don’t KNOW is like driving a car FAST without testing whether the brakes work. In the dating game, people are trying to procure a situation they fantasized about. They MIGHT think about what YOU want after that.. Maybe. That means it’s up to YOU to figure out a way where you can determine when the other person’s lying to you so you don’t make any important decisions based on false or deliberately fabricated information.

Here’s an example that’s rather typical…. Guy meets girl. Guy kicks it with girl. Guy spends time alone with girl and it’s time to do that thing… Guy gets out condom. Girl says “You don’t need that… I’m on the pill.”

Lots of guys have gone out like suckers for this line. Unfortunately, her statement means NOTHING. AT. ALL. unless you can TRUST what she says. You can’t trust what she says unless you know her deeply and intimately as a person. You can’t know her like that if you haven’t had deep conversations with her, and especially not if you just saw her at the bar, thought she was FOYINE and picked her up because you felt like tappin’ that.

Unfortunately, guys feel like “hittin’ it raw” (sex without having to use a condom) is an achievement. It isn’t. It’s ESPECIALLY NOT an achievement when she offers the same thing to every guy she kicks it with. It’s actually potentially dangerous to your health, AND will land you on The Maury Show.

Thanks to “I’m on the pill”, a lot of dudes ended up funding 18 years of a kid’s life. Thanks to “I’m only kickin’ it with you”, a lot of dudes ended up in the free clinic.

Of course, that’s true for the ladies also.. Thanks to “I can’t have kids” (which is used surprisingly often by guys to get girls to *not* require condoms and apparently gets over a lot as well), a lot of gals ended up with kids. :/ Thanks to “I’m only kickin’ it with you”, a lot of women ended up in the free clinic… or worse….

Don’t try this at home.

Unfortunately.. This information’s only useful to you IF you can mentally, emotionally or empathically “Feel” your girlfriend. If you can’t, all you end up with is a bunch of situations where you find yourself going “Damn.. She lied about that.”.. “Damn.. She lied about THAT!”.. “Damn.. She lied about that TOO!”.. “Damn..”

If that’s the experience you’re having, then it’s NOT a good thing if your girl’s a liar, and you might want to think about trading her in for one that comes standard with the honesty feature. Either way, it’s better for you to talk to her as much as possible and get to know her ways of being and patterns before you get hornswoggled and end up with kids you didn’t ask for or looking like the dude on Monopoly, pulling your pockets inside-out to show how empty they are.

~ Bill | @BillCammack

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11 Comments

  1. Woooowww.. I love this site.. I’m also still friends with my ex and know every single time he’s about to let it slip out of his mouth.. He STILL denies this but it was very helpful.. (Even though I did put up for it for the most part) Ha! But the guy I’m trying to get over seeing currently (that made sense to me) is a good liar and I realize I have no business being in or wanting to start a relationship with a person I’m ALWAYS doubting and knowing I’ve spent too little time talking to him face to face and more time.. Ya know that it. Makes the bull over the phone harder to read.. So I agree with you 100 pcnt! Also think that face to face convos are the best especially in the beginning ad after that you can start “hearing” the facial features better over the phone.. This is great! Lol

    1. Thanks, Elizabeth! 😀

      Yeah, that’s EXACTLY what happens. You become able to “see” them lying through the phone. All it takes is that delay where their silence lasts too long. The time they go “UMMMMMM”. The time they go “Could you repeat that?”. The time they blandly run back to you what you just said while they stall for time! 😀

      As far as your “business”, I don’t necessarily agree with that. I think that people should be in relationships with people that they want to spend time with and that they enjoy. Everybody has shortcomings & idiosyncrasies. The main thing is to figure out what the list of pros and cons is to that person and decide if you want to accept the bad to receive the good.

      I happened to have inside information on my girlfriend before we started dating. Mutual acquaintances of mine had known her for years before I met her and they TOLD ME that she was a liar. They actually told me I should completely steer clear of her and kick it with some other chick. Unfortunately for them, there was way too much on the PRO side for me to eject her over such a small thing as lying, which I knew I was going to be able to detect and counter.

      When it got to the point that I felt she was making me turn away from her, I had a couple of LOOOOOONG conversations with her about exactly what was going on. I told her I knew she was lying. I pointed out specific lies. I told her what the truth had been about the things she lied about. I let her know I was on top of the game, so she needed to just cut it out.

      Ultimately, her lying wasn’t a factor in the beginning, middle OR end of the ‘romantic’ section of our relationship. This is partially due to the fact that we play a fast game here in Manhattan. If I’m into a chick and she’s into me, I don’t have time to waste trying to figure out what she’s potentially lying about. I treat her off the bat as what they call in court a “Hostile Witness”. I listen to what she says, but I don’t base anything that I do *on* what she said.

      If a chick tells me she’s single, I’m prepared for her boyfriend to arrive. If she tells me she’s divorced, I’m prepared for her current husband to arrive. If she tells me she’s 21, I’m prepared for her to produce a valid New York State Driver’s License!!! 😀

      So, as much as I appreciated the recon & intel, it didn’t make a difference to me that my girlfriend was a confirmed liar before I ever kicked it with her. That didn’t put her BEHIND any other chicks in my eyes… only right next to them.

      Everything else was ON-POINT, and all I wanted to do every day was hang out with HER,
      and that’s the bottom line…’Cause STONE-COLD SAID SO!!! 😀

      1. First of I would like to say that this was an excellent post. I have also over time acquired the skill of lie detecting, i also discovered that there is also another added/side benefit which is the fact that YOU become an extremely good liar.

        1. Thanks, C Jay. 🙂

          I don’t know that ‘becoming’ good at lying is a side effect of studying and understanding other liars as much as ALREADY being a liar helps you to detect other liars’ tells.

          In my case, the same style my ex tried to use to lie to me was the style that I used to use to lie to my parents. It was the same kind of lie… nothing important, but enough to keep you out of trouble. Did you go right home after school? Yes, I did (of course I didn’t). Did you do whatever? Yes, I did (I completely forgot about it, but knew that I could accomplish it before they were able to physically check)…

          I will say that you definitely have a point as you get to watch how other people trip up and strive to keep yourself from making the same blatantly obvious mistakes.

          Cheers! 😀

          1. I think the trick to lying is telling the truth almost all of the time, even about stupid shit like “I’m not that sunburned, right?” or “do you think my penis looks like [porn star guy’s]?” and then when you lie, no one suspects anything.

            I’ve NEVER been caught in a lie. Never. Of course, I hardly ever need to lie, so maybe that’s why.

            1. That’s definitely the trick to diversion, only pulling it out when you need it.

              I never thought about “the trick” to lying before, but I think it depends on your belief in the lie and what you feel about what the other person thinks.

              If she looks fat in that dress and she looks fat OUT of that dress, you’re still going to lie to her face and say she doesn’t, because if you don’t, she’s going to be in a bad mood, which will jack up YOUR good time. So it’s in your best interest to lie and tell her whatever she needs to hear so YOU can enjoy having her around.

              Of course it’s a better idea to just say “Meh.. You could be in better shape” and drag her ass to the gym with you, but in the context of this discussion “You look fine” will do.

              I had a situation back in the day where this close friend of mine knew I wanted this chick but I was slow in making my moves and/or I was fumbling the situation. I introduced the two of them and they became fast friends and I never thought about it at the time whether they ever hooked up.

              I only thought about it recently, years after the fact, and decided that it was highly likely that they DID hook up, which would have made no physical difference to me, since I never got her, but would have made an immense psychological difference because this was a chick I was pretty obsessed with at the time.

              When I did consider it, my first thought was that it was a jacked-up thing to do. I wallowed in that for a few minutes and then kept thinking about it and if that’s what happened, I’m glad my boy got some, because I never did. If he lied about it, it wasn’t because he *had* to, but rather because there was no point in my knowing about it. If I didn’t know, I’d be happy/neutral. If I did know, I’d be upset. Either way, whatever happened happened and it would have been better for them to lie to me about it than to admit it.

              I think that sense of “It’s better this way” assists lying tremendously. The alternative isn’t preferable.

              As far as not getting caught, that’s impressive. 😀 Lies normally aren’t necessary, unless there’s some kind of punishment or loss you’re attempting to avoid. The less you need from people, the less you need to lie to them. Also.. Even if you NEED things from people, if you’re willing to stand and fall on who you actually are and what you actually believe, lying isn’t often necessary in that case either.

  2. I say this with but the best intentions in my heart: All of you out there who are in the midst of starting new hook-ups/relationships-YOU MUST TREAT EVERY DAY LIKE YOU ARE BEING PAID TO BE A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR TEST! Especially during the infacy of your relation with the other person.
    For those not familiar with a lie detector test (Not that I am winkwink)at the very begining and at some points during the test, nuetral questions (to which the answer is already known) are thrown in. How you react when telling the truth is whats recorded and THEN the deviations in reactions when lying are exposed. For instance, if you already know (or are assuming because its been said) that he has 2 kids, ask and watch his reaction when he answers. If you already know that his mothers full name is Ms. Maria Shanequa Paticia Therese O’Reilly, ask again. Establish that mental bank in which you have stored all his/her natural reactions. When he/she answers something in either a deceptive manner or in that with holding some of the info way, you’ll know. In other words, stop LOOKING for the lie and concentrate on being mindful during what appears to be honest down time. Most people cant keep from seperating their reactions when honesty is in question. thats MOST!
    Like in Bills case, he had months worth of data on his ex and he knew how to apply it. She may have had some off the wall story to tell that would have had everyone looking at her funny BUT he would be able to look in there direction and nod his approval. Flip side being she may have had some sob story about how she couldnt take lunch because some Priest fell down in front of her while holding an orphan and she had to help. BooHoo, Bill would be the only one to just say ‘ok, whatever. where we going now”!
    Its all in how we process what is already in front of us!!!

    1. haha Yeah, that’s exactly how it works, Frank. 🙂

      People aren’t used to talking about REAL things with their SOs. It’s always a bunch of garbage, like what happened during the day or what they’re going to take on that vacation to Mexico. None of that material can be used “in a court of law”, unless she’s going “I’m going to take my bicycle on the plane with us blah blah blah” and then she doesn’t… Or, she says “I’m going to wear my green shirt to the party” and then she doesn’t.

      You have to make sure you’re talking about things that matter… Things the other person actually cares about. As long as you’re paying attention, you learn each person’s “tell”.

      “A tell in poker is a subtle but detectable change in a player’s behavior or demeanor that gives clues to that player’s assessment of his hand. A player gains an advantage if he observes and understands the meaning of another player’s tell, particularly if the tell is unconscious and reliable. Sometimes a player may fake a tell, hoping to induce his opponents to make poor judgments in response to the false tell”

      So, to use Frank’s example.. If the chick explains that she didn’t bring your lunch to the job because the Priest fell down in front of her, holding an orphan… Does she “feel” like she just witnessed that? Does she FEEL like she’s caring about what she’s saying? Or… Does she seem to be probing you to see if you bought it and whether she needs to lay on another layer in order to get over for not doing what she was supposed to do?

      If you catch them and let it slide, they never amp up their game to lie better to you. In fact, they get WORSE at lying, because there were no Consequences & Repercussions from the last several they told.

      Meanwhile, you’ve already adapted. You ate lunch as soon as she was 10 minutes late. You’re already full, but you accept the food from her as if you haven’t eaten yet. You thank her, kiss her goodbye and send her on her merry, lying way. 🙂

      Again, this operates best from a “Guilty Until Proven Innocent” standpoint. If you don’t believe her from the giddyap, she has to climb up the hill to achieve trusted status. If you start out believing her (which there’s no reason in the world that you SHOULD believe someone you don’t know), she’s just gonna keep tumbling down that hill until you realize months or years later what you would have found out if you had Lie-Detected her ass from the beginning.

  3. Bill,
    We met @ Nigel & Ashley’s wedding back in May. Love the site. Pretty cool how you show up on a Google search just on your first name. Good luck with all your endeavors.
    -Russ Hansen

    1. Hey man. Thanks for the props, Russ! 😀

      It was fun hangin’ out with you & the Mrs. and the fellaz after the reception party!

      Congrats on your wedding! Cheers! 😀

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