How To Pretend To Listen (Cricket Status)

Bill CammackSo.. Let’s say, hypothetically, that you’re dating someone that likes to run their mouth ad infinitum about NEVER ANYTHING IMPORTANT.. What you need to learn is how to seem like you’re paying attention to their drivel when you’re actually not.

This is important because if you actively ignore them, it could have adverse effects on your getting laid. Later for THAT! πŸ˜€ .. However, you also can’t afford to focus on what they’re saying to you, because a) it’s completely meaningless and devoid of educational content and b) it’s 4th & 3 on the 12 yard line.

Cricket Status

So the way to deal with this is to process what your SO’s saying in the background, meaning they’re saying it in the foreground, probably actually in between you and the television, but you mentally place them in the background, similar to crickets.

You know how you don’t hear when crickets START chirping?.. And then, all of a sudden, you’re like WHAT’S THAT CONSTANT NOISE??? That’s because you HEARD the crickets get started with that ish, but since cricket-chirping doesn’t matter at all, there was no reason to focus on it until all your foreground sound stopped and then the crickets are suddenly really loud. This is the space you have to relegate your SO’s voice to.

Similar to the crickets, you won’t miss out on anything useful by ignoring what your SO’s saying.. Like, they don’t know anything about football, so they’re not likely to accurately predict what the next play might be or what the coach is thinking right now. They don’t know anything about driving, so they can’t give you tips on how to drive better while you’re driving. They don’t know anything about danger, so they can’t warn you when it’s time to Break North With No Delay.

I’ve reminded myself of an example. I was skimming through a show my DVR picked up the other day, and it was stories from television field producers about their episodes. This chick gets on the screen and says “I’ve been in some dangerous situations” and then goes on to list a) being in a prison (not as an inmate.. as a chick with a video camera), and b) being in the projects. She mistakenly categorized being in a prison as a guest as MORE DANGEROUS than being in the projects. That’s because she has no actual grasp on reality.

If you go to a prison as a chick with a video camera that was sent there by an international television network, they are going to MAKE. $&%*#^%. SURE. that NOTHING happens to you.. NUTH-THANG. NOTHING. You might be AROUND dangerous people, but you’re surrounded by guards and security measures that have your back. If you go to the projects.. where do you think the inmates live when they get out of jail, stupid?

So.. The projects are OBVIOUSLY way more dangerous than a prison, because you’re on your own. No warden, No guards, No guest badge. Nothing. It’s you and your camera vs anyone that feels like chumping you off. This is an example of someone who will just be saying BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH when it comes to security issues, because she doesn’t know what she’s talking about and you may as well focus on IMPORTANT sounds that might help you navigate the situation safely.

Anyway.. Here’s how you act like you’re paying attention when you’re really not… Feel free to test this out on people you’re not trying to hook up with until you get good at it so you don’t actually fumble a few good physical experiences if you get caught.

How To Get Your “Ignore” On And Still Get Laid

This technique can be a REAL mental energy saver! πŸ˜€ Normally, what happens is that you have to listen to an entire sentence that someone says, figure out the meaning of it, figure out the relevance of it and then attempt to squeeze blood from a stone until you figure out that, no.. there was ZERO USEFUL CONTENT in what they just said. This takes a long time.

Eventually, you get to the point that you realize that the person you’ve been wasting time listening to never begins speaking from a position of relevance. If I’m watching THE GAME, try to say something useful about THE GAME. I don’t care how your day was right now (read: Ever, as in “I NEVER care how your day was, especially not when it’s 4th & 3 on the 12). This is when, for efficiency & sanity’s sake, you need to relegate your SO’s voice to Cricket Status. Chirp Chirp Chirp, Blah Blah Blah, it’s all the same.

The way the actual technique works is that you’re watching the game, right.. Every once in a while, you dart your eyes in your SO’s direction as if they matter right now. This adds to the illusion of paying attention. When you get better at this, you don’t even have to take your eyes off the game! πŸ˜€

Now, in every set of words, there’s going to be a beginning, and end and a couple of key words that you need to catch. The beginning and end are both marked by a pause in between. The key word(s) could occur anywhere within the sentences. Once you’re sure you’ve figured out the key words, memorize those and mentally throw all the rest of what they just rambled on about in the trash. Now you can watch the game without incident while your SO chirps away.

Bill CammackEventually, similar to crickets, your SO will stop making noise. This is usually when they reach a saturation point and require input from you so they can believe they’re involved in a two-way conversation. This is the pause I mentioned above and this is your time for action. If you’re lucky (or.. UNLUCKY, depending on how you see things), the pause never happens and your SO gets off on the fact that they’re talking. If this is the case, don’t bother with this technique. If they ever stop talking, just say “oh yeah?” and they’ll launch into another inane soliloquy.

Once you hear the pause, this is the only time that you’re going to divert attention from what really matters in life. This is when you utilize those key words that you’ve been retaining. Use a questioning tone, meaning the pitch of your voice should go higher towards the end. Depending on your current level of proficiency, you may or may not have to look at them while you’re speaking. Ask them a question based on the key words and then repeat the process of parsing their reply for the next key words and trashing everything else they say.

Sometimes, you get lucky, and the key words occur right in the front, so you can start ignoring them immediately. Let’s say their monologue is “So, today at work, I blah blah blah blah blah blah blah”. When you detect the pause, you say “So ALL THAT happened AT WORK?” Try to sound like you’re amazed. That normally gets them to wax poetic and go into more detail about the situation so you can ignore them longer before the next pause.

If they say “I was thinking about where we should go on vacation and it’s between Cancun and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah”, when you hear the pause, you say “What exactly do you like about Cancun?”. Get it? πŸ™‚

This works like a charm, and at the end of your program, sports event or trying to write a dating blog post, you feel like you experienced 90% of it instead of 40% of it because you wasted so much time attempting to find the needle in the haystack.. which would have been the useful content in whatever your SO was rambling on and on about.

Advanced Application

When you get REALLY good at this and into the advanced stages, you can stop talking altogether and use facial expressions to communicate with your over-talkative SO. When you hear the pause occur, tilt your head slightly and furrow your brow. This translates as “WHAT???” to the talker, and they’ll start explaining their position, which buys you more quality time. If you wait for the pause and then lift your head up in the air while raising at least one eyebrow, this indicates “OHHHHH”, like you understand what they just said. This reinforces their belief that you care what they’re talking about and prompts them to tell you more.. Chirp Chirp Chirp.

~ Bill Cammack

34 thoughts on “How To Pretend To Listen (Cricket Status)”

  1. Hey, after reading this, I have one wish in my bag… I want to hear/read from the many females out there how they would counter this and many of your other postings. I mean legitimate rebuttles and plans of attack. How would they react to the notion that we DO on many (if not all that dont involve what Im getting for x-mas, b’day, in the sack, as a snack/refreshment during my weekly Jets game)completely zone them out. I want real world, proven methods and not scoldings based on ideology and and self imagined toughnes. I dont want to hear how this wont happen because you are too strong and intelligent a lady who would never allow…blahblahblah… I want to hear from someone who can actually put herself in a mindset that you (Bill) are her SO and (after having read much of you have written/expressed)actually has a game plan. Btter yet, who out there has read something that they actually experienced but where able to “fix” before any feelings where hurt??

    Reason for this request: I myself have mastered the art of the “…oh wow, really? and what happened after that…” as I turn my attentions full time to whatever it was that I was doing. I rarely caught and I refuse to believe I have dated only morons. I even did this to a chick who was complaining about how her ex was continously doing this to her… “wow really, what a jerk…” (sip from the beer and YES the Mets scored another run).
    Reason for actual plans: I have been in Mr. Cammacks presence and, in that limited time, I can attest to one thing after seeing him browse through his phone… he reads the way he listens…Keys…Words…!!!!!

    Any one…real answer????

    1. I really wish we could hear an intelligent rebuttal too! hahaha πŸ˜€

      Unfortunately, it’s basically a self-fulfilling prophesy as soon as a chick says something that a guy doesn’t care about and then DOESN’T REALIZE that he doesn’t care about what she’s talking about. That’s where it all goes downhill for her. He’ll start out like you said, with the “oh yeah?”.. “really?”.. “you don’t say!”.. “REALLY?”.. “no way!”.. “oh.. COME ON!”.. “you can’t be serious.”.. “they actually did that?”.. “oh man”…… There are like a million variations of the “I’m ignoring you but keep running your mouth about nothing anyway” statement. As long as you don’t use the same one back-to-back, you’ll be aiiite. You can even go “what?”.. “damn”.. “you’ve got to be kidding me”.. “damn”.. “how many times?”… “damn”, and they won’t notice that you’re repeating.

      So, what you’re going to get is one set of women that go “That’s what happens to me with my man, but I’m not going to admit that by leaving a comment about it” and then another set that go “He’s not talking about ME!” so they don’t feel the need to speak up for the women this actually happens to, every day, all day. The net result being zero comments of any technical value other than my beloved regulars like Fishingrod.

      Two years ago, when I started writing “DatingGenius / Don’t Try This At Home”, I was under the impression that the internet was going to be a place where there was a lot of discussion on blogs. There was a lot of it while people were anonymous, but now that our names and faces are on our comments, like on Facebook, for instance, people aren’t so quick to give their honest opinions in print and stand on one side of the fence or the other.

      It’s horrific for authenticity, because I get so much good feedback from people I talk to about my blog IRL and I really enjoy that. It’s unfortunate that the general population (those that are willing to read the comments on a post and not just the post itself) doesn’t get to benefit from reading the conversations I have with people offline. That’s partially what we’re attempting to do with “Street Game” (which we need to start that up again this week, for sure), but unfortunately, with the lack of counterpoint, it makes it look like I’m trying to lay down laws as opposed to trying to begin conversations with an idea that I’d like for people to debate with me as well as amongst themselves.

    2. Okay, Frank,

      this is what I do when I have the impression that my husband is not really listening: I walk over to his recliner, curl myself around him, put my hand on his chin to direct his face towards me, and then I say: “I want your attention, and I want it NOW.”
      Usually works.

      Besides, I know better than to talk to him when he watches a soccer game. I use the time to read the newspaper and enjoy just being in the same room with him. (Only the sudden shouting can be a little nerv-wrecking sometimes….)

      When someone is obviously thinking about other stuff while I am trying to tell them something, a good way to get their attention back is to insert a sentence like this into the story:
      “This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.”
      Works like a charm. πŸ™‚

      Another method is to stop talking altogether and fix my gaze on the guy until he notices the silence and feels guilty for not listening.

      But seriously, I don`t have to do that very often. Usually the guy does all the talking and I listen. I am an introvert, and if you don`t ask, then it is highly unlikely that I’d tell you anything about me at all.

      1. LOLOLOL… Im laughing because this really happened to me a few years back! lol

        What the girl didnt understand is that (Like Bill stated) I have my ear up for those key words. The words band camp and my pussy triggered my response (American Pie being one of my favorite movies) and she wasnt too happy. When she said that, with out missing a beat, i responded “wow, really… that cant be sanitary. Who used it last??? and find out who used the flute thats probably dirty too…”!! lol needles to say, she didnt see the humor in that!!

        But, kudos for having a legitimate answer with several layers of options. I (we) are getting used to reading responses that are based more on emotion than facts.

        A continual FYI on the above: Few days later (after she got the stick out her bum) we were talking and I said wait “I got something for you” She thought it was a I was wrong kinda gift. I pulled out a cheap little flute and said “here, dont let me catch you borrowing one…” I laughed BUT yet again, she didnt get the humor. lol

        1. Hey Frank,

          of course I would not use the original quote, that was just an example. Shocking people with blunt statements is one of my favourite pastimes, I am just not so good at it in a language that is not my own.

          I think your idea with the flute was really cute. Too bad she could not appreciate the humor.

      2. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand since u did say unless asked you dont volunteer:
        1)why have u not posted a pic with your responses??
        2) (and this is proof positive that I do pay attention-TO EVERYTHING) your style of writing… have I seen it elsewhere?? have I read those responses to more of my comments but not on DatingG??

        1. 1) Because I have read Bill’s post “Dating the internet famous”. πŸ™‚ If you want to imagine what I look like, think of Rachel Griffith as Brenda in “Six Feet Under”. Face, colours, proportions, all pretty similar.

          2)Wow, you do pay attention to language, hm? I have noticed that spelling things correctly is not one of your priorities, so that is a nice surprise. Can you post a bigger picture with your response next time? πŸ˜‰ Yes, you have seen my style of writing elsewhere, just don’t tell Bill, okay?

          1. lol.. Never heard of Rachel Griffith so I had to Google her, but not bad.. not bad. πŸ™‚

            Also, I’m not jealous. You can post wherever you like. :/ hahaha

            As far as the gravatar (her post icon), I’d rather have the content than her picture. If not having one enables her to post her ideas here, I’m all for it.

            According to my Quantcast badge in the sidebar, I have ~6.980 unique visitors per month. According to other statistics, I usually have ~300 unique visitors per day.

            I have maybe 8 regular posters… MAYBE.

            So, Yes… I’ll take the content, conversation, debate & discussion over an image of Fishingrod anyday.

            I already have thousands of pics I can look at of the >700 females that I’m friends with on Facebook (let’s not even get into MySpace & MiGente…), and just about NONE OF THOSE CHICKS get involved in our conversations here, so.. So much for “A picture is worth 1,000 words”! πŸ˜€

            1. Dude, speak for yourself…

              You prefer quality content!!!
              I prefer….
              uhm, hmmmm…

              Damn I did say I was tired of reading the other answers and wanted real responses!

              Fine, you win.! πŸ™‚

          2. THE SPELLING THING, HMMMMM….
            Well here’s the catch, I just happened to have majored in Journalism and minored in English (ok, you have a minute to finish laughing)BUT I happen to be a ONE FINGER typist. Sometimes my thoughts are so much faster than my typing the words are in incorrect order and the spelling, well you seen that. It takes so long for me to respond that I dont have the energy to spell check after… There, my blemishes for the world to see!! lol

            Rachel G. ooooo, ok!

            1. Journalism and English? And you recognized my style of writing….. I think I might be crushing on you a little, Frank. πŸ˜‰

              Why don’t you learn to type with 10 fingers?

              My mother was very determined to make that a part of my education. She forced me to take typing classes before I graduated from high school. I hated it back then, but now I am nothing but grateful that she was so adamant about it.

              1. I wasn’t going to respond to this, since it’s a convo between you and Frank, but since Frank’s going to be off the grid for a minute, I’ll chime in. πŸ™‚

                I know this is going to be a sideways compliment, but bear with me! πŸ˜€

                I’ve hung out with Frank, IRL, and we’ve chatted about topics similar to what we discuss in audio in “Street Game”. I was absolutely, completely, ENTIRELY amazed and astounded by how on-point, relevant and intelligent his in-person presentation is compared to how he ends up expressing himself “on paper”. Honestly. πŸ™‚

                I asked him about the posting thing and he’s *REALLY* not a typist. There’s a disconnect between how he mentally considers something and what he ends up typing/misspelling.

                One of the reasons I’m so prolific when it comes to blogging is that I type REALLY FAST, which I got from being in AOL chat rooms and needing to be this fast to get my words in on the screen before the topic scrolled off the top and my thoughts became irrelevant to the current conversation. I basically get to type exactly what I’m thinking.. Watered-down, of course, for the public to be able to comprehend..

                But I guarantee you this.. If I typed a slowly as Frank does, I wouldn’t be typing much of ANYTHING, EV*A*R, so I personally definitely appreciate a) the fact that he’s willing to spend his personal time slowly typing a comment on my blog and b) the fact that he doesn’t let his misspellings stop him from expressing himself. I know I continually learn from his comments and I’m sure others do also. I’m sure there are lots of other people who WOULD leave comments if they weren’t concerned that someone was going to critique them, so the fact that those people don’t comment is my personal loss. πŸ™‚

                1. Actually I think Frank has posted so much he should be able to cut and paste his future responses from his own archives… throw in a couple of relevant keywords, finish off with an apology for his typos… πŸ˜‰

                2. “I was absolutely, completely, ENTIRELY amazed and astounded by how on-point, relevant and intelligent his in-person presentation is…”

                  Definitely crushing on Frank now.
                  If there wasn’t an ocean between us, I’d suspect you to be his wingman, Bill. πŸ˜‰

                3. haha It’s not that at all, FR. It’s not a rap setup line! πŸ˜€

                  I’ve been doing my blog for 2-3 years now, and I’m fully aware of the differences between what people who read my material and have never hung out with me perceive compared to my actual IRL friends.

                  Most of them wouldn’t leave their girlfriend or little sister alone with The Kid, but other than that, I’m a very nice guy and I’m courteous to everyone until they show me why I shouldn’t be courteous to them.

                  It just so happens that what I’m passionate about blogging about is the issues that come up while trying to date someone. There are a ton of issues that nobody ever talks about and most of them happen to be negative, so there are people who perceive me as negative.

                  There are also people who perceive me as hating women, even though I have over 700 female Facebook friends and I’m actually backlogged with women that have wanted to hang out with me but I haven’t gotten around to them yet.

                  So, I know that because of the typing/spelling thing, Frank comes off as way different than he does in person. I wanted to point out that his personality is lost in translation, due to technological issues.

                  Similarly, people think they know MY personality because they read my blog, but they don’t. That’s something I have to carry with me to IRL events. For instance, some people think I’m bragging when I speak about facts, such as that I have 1600 FB friends or 2600 Twitter followers or my blog gets hits from around the world, including Iceland, Japan, Hawaii and Germany. It’s the truth! I don’t know what they want me to say! πŸ˜€

                4. (Im still in MIA mode but…)

                  So you saying that if this ocean where not a problem and I let Bill handle the turbulance before I turn on the autopilot…

                  Hmmmmm… dare I ask if I can trust Bill??? lol (go read his “Class” post, he would probably not trust himself.:) )

  2. You are absolutely right this a usefull skill not only for ignoring useful conversation but for other applications like meetings seminars etc their are only certain parts you need to catch and learning to pick them up while multi tasking comes in handy.

    That being said ladies, the only thing that should come out yo mouth when its 4th and 3 on the 12 yard line is they should have ran a cover 2 or blitzed..etc. anything else is not relevant at that time.

    1. Right, haha There are all kinds of applications, once you get the technique down. πŸ™‚

      Seriously, ladies… What if y’all were doing something YOU considered important & fun, like…….. knitting, and you were all trying to concentrate on whether you were on “knit 1” or “pearl 2” and your boyfriend comes up to you talking about he was going to use a wrench on the car engine, but then he decided to use an Allen Key and the transmission still wouldn’t work so he lifted the engine out of the car and washed it while he had it out before painting the car blue on the outside and yellow on the inside and installing better speakers so he could have more bass……… You’d be like COULD YOU STFU SO I CAN KNIT????? πŸ˜€

      1. So after much discussion with the peeps @ work i found a down side to this technique. Apparently due to extreme over use of this technique the majority of ladies seem to think that everything they say is interesting now. chicks have no problem cutting you off once you stray towards any uninteresting convo, so i wonder why we as dudes can’t do the same.

        1. Well, that’s the entire problem from Jump Street!.. They DO think that what they’re saying is interesting… and relevant… and educational… and important. You can tell by how excited they look when they’re telling you about nothing.

          This is a definite downside, except while it adds to the problem it also defends AGAINST the problem. It really doesn’t matter how much she talks as long as your abilities to ignore her without getting caught are top-notch.

          The reason why guys can’t cut gals off when they’re speaking is that it takes women a long, long, long, long, LONG TIME to get over feeling emotionally hurt. It’s not worth it if your plan is to get laid within the next five weeks (with that particular chick.. If you have more chicks, go ahead and interrupt them! :D). Otherwise, yeah, definitely… dudes would be like “Beat it. I’m watching the game” all the time.

          The other problem is that if you interrupt her, you’re telling her what to do.. as in “Only talk to me about relevant stuff. Thxkbai”. You don’t want to do that, because then she’s going to start to look for ways to defy you, such as when you start messing with her and all of a sudden, she’s “not interested”. She IS interested, but she’s MORE INTERESTED in stopping you from getting what you want than she is in getting what SHE wants.

          You really don’t want to go down this rabbit hole, so the best idea is to make it seem like you’re enjoying what she’s saying, or at least that you don’t detest it and wish she’d STFU.

          Ultimately, the best defense against this is to only date women you can intelligently communicate with. It’s tough to figure out which women are the smart ones when you’re focused on checking out their asses instead of talking to them, so a lot of guys get stuck in these situations an need a way to weather the storm. πŸ™‚

          1. hey good response i like the points you bring up.

            “Ultimately, the best defense against this is to only date women you can intelligently communicate with. ItÒ€ℒs tough to figure out which women are the smart ones when youÒ€ℒre focused on checking out their asses instead of talking to them.”

            See the problem is not so much what they are saying but how they say it. Women always (most cases) incorporate Miscellaneous stuff such as feelings about the situation and stuff instead of sticking to the facts. This makes a simple story like Johny got knocked the F*** out, because he was running his mouth into a long drawn out convo about how the situation made them feel..etc. so i guess the whole issue stems from a fundamental difference of how we operate.

            by the way ass checking is necessary, you got to have something to focus on when those chicks start “putting shoes on they teeth” aka running their mouths.

            1. First of all, ass-checking isn’t just necessary.. It’s a way of life! πŸ˜€

              Second, it’s true that in general, guys and gals want to receive two different things from a communication. Guys want the facts while women want the feelings about the facts. This is an entirely different topic, because a lot of times, we don’t have ANY feelings about the facts and get penalized for that by our chicks.

              “You look good.” Period. That’s it. There’s nothing else flowery about that. If you want me to expand on that and tell you what I’m inspired to do because you look good, you’re not going to like it, appreciate it or take it as a compliment, so I’m not going to say anything other than “You look good”.

              Meanwhile, there’s a whole back-story to something we didn’t ask to hear about in the first place and the pull is between telling her we just plain don’t care, so the torture can end, or playing the supportive friend/boyfriend/whatever and pretending to listen and if she’s lucky, pretending to care after the fact.

    1. I know, man. πŸ™‚ .. Unfortunately, people are so out of touch with reality that they feel like everywhere’s safe for them… Bad neighborhoods, foreign countries, war zones… in they go, all happy with cameras. πŸ˜€

  3. OK, I’ll bite.

    The reason women like to blather on is because we have to. It’s a survival thing. We know y’all want to get in our pants. It’s our evolutionary duty to pick the ‘best one’. We figure if you stick around for boring conversation, you might just stick around for a baby, too. It is also why we fake orgasms, and you all know we do, but of course…it’s never happened with you.

    Once we have a baby, we have a new love object, and we will happily ignore you while you breadwin.

    As the years fly by, you’ve been pushing the ignore button, and we know it. If we are in the MILF status, the mailman/poolboy/your best friend knows it too. So he starts pretending HE ‘listens’. He’s better at it than you.

    And that’s why sometimes…. men really should listen.

    1. Hey Kay. πŸ™‚

      “We figure if you stick around for boring conversation, you might just stick around for a baby, too.” – Yes. And guys know this already, so the smart ones Pretend To Listen so y’all feel like giving it up. πŸ™‚ There’s nothing wrong with this, I’m just saying that it’s the process.

      It’s like when you’re a baseball batter and the pitcher is throwing so fast that you’re swinging after the ball is in the catcher’s mitt. You learn that you need to start your swing ahead of time to compensate for your inability to hit the ball AFTER you see it. Guys do the same thing with women. We know what y’all expect and give it to you so you finally ‘make yourselves useful’.

      hahaha As far as faking orgasms, that’s actually a really good analogy. I personally think faking orgasms is dumb on women’s part, except I understand why y’all do it. http://billcammack.com/2009/12/08/why-women-are-better-liars-than-men/

      On the one hand, you want the guy to feel like he Put In Work so he feels good about himself and about y’all’s relationship. On the other hand, if you already ACTUALLY got yours and he’s lampin’ on top of you for another hour, you might have to put on a show to get him to get his and then cease & desist.

      The reason I think it’s stupid is that faking orgasms is a copout for explaining to your man how you actually like it and what you actually want him to do and how he could actually make you get off, which is ALL in the gal’s best interest.

      Starting faking means you have to continue faking because he never learns anything that would make him more useful to you in the sack (or wherever).

      As far as it happening to “me” (I gather that you meant “you” being the general guy), you’re right that I assume it never has, however, even thinking about the topic assumes that the guy even CARES whether she has an orgasm or not. o_O

      If he doesn’t care, then all faking’s doing is enabling him to care even less because he doesn’t have to put in any more work than he already is to make you go OOH and AAH and he can get back to more important stuff, like the football game.

      The baby thing is on-point too. A lot of guys don’t realize that if her affection transfers to the baby, he’s SOL as far as all the sex they used to have. Guys also don’t realize the mental distraction (to her) of having a baby/kid around, that’s going to take her out of her focus game as far as hooking up (unless you have a sitter or nanny or whatever). Guys think it’s going to be the same relationship after the fact and that’s often not anywhere near the truth.

      hehe Y’all don’t know we’re ignoring you! πŸ˜€ hahaha Y’all are so glad to be BLAH BLAH BLAHing that you never stop to ask us what we think about what you said or quiz us in the future. Y’all just like to run your mouths and hear yourselves talk and imagine that whomever you’re talking to cares about what you’re saying and understands you.

      You can ask women years down the line and they’ll swear up and down that their man has been paying attention to them this whole time. Also, even if he HAS been LISTENING, that doesn’t mean that he CARED what she was talking about.

      As far as the pool boy, the mailman and the milk man, you’re absolutely right about that. Guys that get CAUGHT ignoring what their women blabber about are easily peeled for their chicks by guys who are really willing to amp it up that they’re listening and they care and that she’s beautiful and interesting and prestigious and whatever she’d like to believe about herself that her man isn’t mentally & emotionally reinforcing for her.

      So Yeah… In the long run, similar to faking orgasms, guys are better off NOT faking listening to chicks, but rather informing them that they don’t give a flying **** what they’re talking about and giving the women better topics to discuss so that they can have an authentic relationship with each other, involving listening, understanding and CARING what each other’s talking about.

      Good points, Kay! πŸ˜€

  4. Juicy reading! Kay, you write so well and see the truth. Love the line about having a baby as another love object and happily letting (men) breadwin. A great and under utilized word especially in verb form.
    Bill, just when I think you are getting abrasive again, about females running our mouths, you bring up authentic relationships. Which I consider to be the goal. And Dating Genius then explains that as involving listening, understanding and CARING.Your maxims, observations and advice are actually parables. Sometimes one must look underneath what’s on the surface to get to what is truly JUICY here. Is it your writing or my new environment causing me to suddenly connect the dots ? Hmmm

    1. I’m never saying that ALL men never care what ALL women say, think or feel. I’m saying that we’re not going to let our LACK OF CARING about what you’re talking about prevent us from getting laid.

      The reason this is important for women is that y’all interpret a guy pretending to listen to you as caring about what you’re saying, and then you give him all the stuff you would have given him (sex, food, money…) as if he ACTUALLY cared about you when he’s actually just using you for your resources.

      If y’all keep NOT understanding the difference between actually caring and pretending to care.. or in the context of this post, actually listening vs. PRETENDING TO LISTEN, you’ll never have that grasp on “Where is this relationship going” or “How come it’s not progressing towards marriage” because you read the indicators wrong and he’s busy getting laid while you’re busy being in a relationship to him by yourself.

  5. “…busy being in a relationship to him by yourself.” HAHAHA that is quintessentially my prop up boyfriend theory. 4:45 p.m. tidy up the house and freshen lip liner/lip stick. 5:00 p.m. pull out appetizers, freshly prepared, and decorate edge of plate with shoya in geometric designs studded with isoceles triangles of kiwi and strawberry. 5:10 feel adrenals squidge at the thought of SO’s scent and voice and the imminent encounter. 5:20 feel impatient waiting for SO. 5:45 finally receive return phone call and SO replies only that he is “near.” 6:50 SO enters door and female is STILL giddy and endorphins flow and she loves her man, petulance fleeting.
    I submit that a prop up card board cut out boyfriend would be just as rewarding, except for the sex. A prop up would listen about as well as SO. The pleasure is OURS and is in the giving and thinking about how much we love our man…as Bill says “you are busy being in a relationship to him by yourself.” We do it for ourselves but admitting that is next to impossible.

  6. Thanks Christine!

    Love your web site, Bill, and I believe you speak TRUTH to many who don’t want to hear it.

    However, I’m feeling the need to play it for the guys, too. If we ‘stfu’, and didn’t do all the other things that make us women, why would you want to hang out with us?

    And don’t get me started about ‘faking an orgasm’ has ANYTHING to do with the man’s lack of ability. If she can’t get one, blame her. If I am in urgent need of an O, I reach for Mr. Brook Stone, AKA the neck massager, AKA pocket rocket. No mess, no fuss, no hurt feelings, no hour of wasted time that could have been better spent perusing Sak’s shoe catalogue.

    WE don’t fake because we think you care. We fake it because we were nice enough to ‘do it’, when we really didn’t want to, but you looked so damn cute, (see above post), sooo….OK. But then we realize “it” isn’t going to happen. That’s because we really DO like to look at shoes, and sunsets, and “damn, how do HER appetizers always look better than mine”, and those things start racing in our heads, and there you are. On top. Grunting. And we are multi-taskers, knowing, if we don’t ‘get one’, you will go on…and on….and on….(kind of like us talking.) If we fake one, you get yours, we can go back to thinking about kittens and puppies, and you can watch the ball game.

    OR, maybe we got one, and you are intent on us getting two. Or three. Male ego again…so we gotta keep you thinking you da man. Maybe we didn’t fake the first one, just the second one.

    I had this conversation with a S.O. once. He told me I was lying. No way I had ever faked it. Hmmm….OK! Yes Bill, like Meg Ryan, we really are that good, yet none of this has ever happened ‘to you’. I have yet to meet a man it has ever happened to! (However, if we get to dress up, and go out, and we think you are listening to us, we get all mushy inside, and then…NO FAKING!)

    To Christine’s point, we love to love men. And make stupid appetizers for him that he won’t appreciate. It’s a girl thing.

    Kay

    P.S. Please note I am being slightly facetious about kittens and puppies. It could just as easily be the stock market and NFL games. Usually all three.

  7. “If we β€˜stfu’, and didn’t do all the other things that make us women, why would you want to hang out with us?”

    We wouldn’t.

    Beleedat! >:D

    I’m not saying at all that women should be quiet. I’m also not saying that men are NEVER listening to women. There are some guys that actually care what women think. Those guys will typically ASK YOU how you feel or how your day was or how work was or whatever they want to hear or whatever they think you’d like to talk about.

    What I *AM* saying is that a lot of women waste a lot of breath talking about stuff guys neither care about nor listen to nor retain for any discernable amount of time. It’s just not necessary, because it’s just blathering on and there’s no useful information contained in her soliloquy.

    Let’s say for instance that you were walking by the store and saw this dress and went inside and tried it on and you look BAD AS HELL in it and you bought it and it was X amount of dollars and then you caught the bus and then transferred to the subway and then walked 12 blocks to get home and your man was there when you arrived.

    Instead of wasting time telling him all the stuff I just typed, go your ass in the bedroom, change into the dress and place yourself within his line of sight. After he finishes going “WHO? WHAT? WHEN? WHERE? WHAT? WHY? WHO?…..” I’ll bet there will be a lot of things he wants to talk about or listen to YOU talk about while he figures out how to get you back out of that dress. >:D

    Do it the other way, and all you’re saying is “Yadda Yadda Yadda” while he ignores you and tries to watch the game in peace.

    “No mess, no fuss, no hurt feelings, no hour of wasted time that could have been better spent perusing Sak’s shoe catalogue.”

    hahahahaha Propers! Propers! haha πŸ˜€ I’m all about DiY Sex. Every gal should have her Bob (Battery-Operated Boyfriend).

    “WE don’t fake because we think you care. We fake it because we were nice enough to β€˜do it’, when we really didn’t want to, but you looked so damn cute, (see above post)”

    That’s an interesting concept, Kay. πŸ˜€ I never thought of that because sex is in a girlfriend/fiancee/wife’s job description, or else they’d be… you guessed it… a FRIEND! πŸ˜€

    The “gift” to a guy is the gal laying down in the first place. Faking Orgasms is above and beyond duty. It’s just not necessary.

    Most gals complain about dudes tappin’ it then rolling over and falling asleep without asking them JACK-**** about whether she got off or not (or, even more egregiously rudely, just falling asleep right there on top of her so she has to figure out how to get dislodged so she can go get a drink of water and retrieve her Bob from its resting/hiding place.

    So, Yeah.. I can see that if dude is one of those 1970’s Blaxploitation Film sex-having dudes that keeps inquiring whether she got off every other minute, it would be a good idea for a sistah to fake it so he can stop doing her the favor of holding out before doing his thing and hopefully rolling off of her before he starts snoring.

    “OR, maybe we got one, and you are intent on us getting two. Or three. Male ego again…so we gotta keep you thinking you da man. Maybe we didn’t fake the first one, just the second one.”

    Damn.. Now you’re starting to get TECHNICAL up in this piece! :/

    Faked. Orgasms. *AFTER*. A. Real. One…… o_O

    “I had this conversation with a S.O. once. He told me I was lying. No way I had ever faked it. Hmmm….OK! Yes Bill, like Meg Ryan, we really are that good, yet none of this has ever happened β€˜to you’.”

    I would like to listen in on a town hall about this kind of thing because I really don’t have an opinion on women faking orgasms except that it’s a STUPID IDEA and isn’t conducive to the dude ACTUALLY LEARNING what he needs to do to get her off so she doesn’t have to Bob it up after the fact (or before the fact, or during the fact…).

    Me, Myself, Personally.. I couldn’t give a flying **** whether a chick got off or not unless that’s specifically what I set out to do. πŸ˜€

    It’s like how self-lubrication is irrelevant to guys that use condoms because condoms are waterproof. I can’t join in on the conversation about “Her ***** was good because it was wet” because it really doesn’t matter how hard it’s raining when you’re rockin’ an umbrella and a raincoat. o_O

    So.. The way *I* see it.. I do my thing, she enjoys it or she doesn’t (I’ll do what I can to hook her up), I *DEFINITELY* enjoy it, then get my cuddle & post-sex lovey-dovey chat on whether I feel like it or not and then my job is done. πŸ˜€

    Anywayyyyy…

    We definitely want women to be women. That doesn’t come with an automatic pass that everything y’all say is useful, relevant or worth listening to.

    In fact.. If I can “uh huh. yeah? really? you don’t say? uh huh. WHOOOOOO! no way! you don’t say? really?” my way through a ‘conversation’ with you, you ought to be ashamed of yourself to begin with for not recognizing that someone’s ignoring you.

    The way y’all can tell is to just suddenly stop talking…. If no more sounds occur, he wasn’t listening to you and didn’t notice that you finished. πŸ˜€

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