Smart Girls Finish Last

So I’m talking to an intelligent female friend of mine the other day and she says something to the effect of she can’t bring herself to read my blog because I have all these stories about stupid women. 😀

After I finished laughing, or at least I wasn’t laughing so loud that I could hear her speaking again, she says something like “Why do guys even DATE dumb women? I just don’t get it.”

Being that I thought that this was obvious to everyone on both dating ‘teams’, I never really thought to get into this.

Selection Processes

In order to understand how guys or gals are going to select “significant others”, you have to understand what they do when they don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend. The SO is going to REPLACE whatever it is that they normally focus on. The only reason to stop what you’re currently doing is to do something BETTER. Does that make sense? 😀

So.. Women, for instance… What do they do when they don’t have a man? Shop & Eat. That’s about it. Of course they go to work, but I’m saying what they do with their leisure time. If you’re still reading this, bear with me… I’m getting to the point. 😀

Meanwhile… What are the fellaz doing? Chasing chicks or checking out some format of hard- or soft-core pornography, including eye-candy-with-no-actual-content chicks on YouTube.

When you combine these two groups, you get people who SEEM to be looking for the same thing, but they’re actually not…

The women are looking for someone to eat, shop & read books with. Sex is actually an incidental issue.. It’s like a fringe benefit if her boyfriend knows what to do with her body. It’s not even the chocolate icing on the chocolate cupcake.. It’s the one, single, curly line of frosting that goes down the middle and over the top. It’s like a surprise or something if the sex is actually good.

Meanwhile.. The guys are looking for someone to replace their porno collection.
That’s about it.

We already have people to have intelligent conversations with and to do our hobbies with, like Video Games, Paintball & Chasing Chicks…… Those are called OTHER GUYS.

Lack Of Communication

And now we arrive at the answer to my friend’s question. 🙂 Guys end up dating dumb women because a) Being smart isn’t in her job description and b) The only way we would know if she were intelligent or not would be to actually listen to what she’s saying.

If you’ve ever noticed, there’s no speaking in porno. I mean some of them have a script, yes… but you see how the so-called “actors” don’t even TRY to make it realistic? That’s because the speaking is only used to set up the scenario for the sex.

This is how it works in real life, too.

When a guy’s speaking to a gal that he likes, he’s merely setting up the scenario for the sex. It won’t SEEM like a setup to her because most guys don’t know what they’re doing and are just running their mouths until they get a chance to kiss her, and the guys that DO know what they’re doing aren’t going to SEEM like they’re doing what they’re doing… Capisce? 😉

Same Game, Different Rules

This is the disconnect my intelligent female friend (I’m just repeating this so you know who I’m talking about without my saying her name. It’s not like I’m saying my ONE intelligent female friend. I have several.) has with this situation. Being that she’s female, she actually pays attention to what guys say. If the guy were an idiot or a narcissist or a misanthrope or a sociopath or whatever, she’d exclude that person from her pool of viable guys to date. That’s not how it works with guys. As Spike Lee said in “She’s Gotta Have It”, You don’t throw away a Rolls Royce because it has a dent in it.

The defining factor for guys in selecting females is whether y’all turn us on or not. Period. Everything else is a fringe benefit. If you happen to be smart? Good for US! 😀 .. doesn’t matter, though. You’re not crazy? (at least you haven’t been certified by an actual psychiatrist) Good for US! 😀 .. doesn’t matter, though. You know how to cook? balance a checkbook? juggle bowling pins? play Ms. Pac Man? make a shawl out of two pairs of shorts and a bowtie? GOOD FOR US!!! 😀 …… doesn’t matter, though. 😀

If you need evidence of this, search the blogs for career women who can’t understand why their man “cheated” on them with some sexy female burger-flipper. All this clamoring about how accomplished she is and how the new chick dropped out of college, yadda yadda… Here’s a tip: Unless the guy’s a leech and considers you his sugar momma, nobody cares about how much money you make or how successful you are. If the intern’s about to get under the desk with the cigar, it’s about to be ON and POPPIN’! 😀

~ Bill Cammack | @DatingGenius

11 thoughts on “Smart Girls Finish Last”

  1. I can’t keep track of all the “intelligent” women I have had conversations with whose main complaint is that “WE” (men) are more interested in dating a dumb chick than we are in dating a peer! My argument has always been that the one female I happen to be sitting with on any given night *IS* indeed my peer. So of course the next comment tends to be “so you are saying that you are stupid too?”! HAHAHAHA on the contrary! So I ask them to follow me on this, why would an “intelligent” lady go to a bar on any given night and expect us not to flirt with them or attempt to make a move?? If you wanted a simple drink with friends, a less testosterone fueled environment would have come in a little handier! Uhm, lack of advance scouting and planning…I think that calls into question the intelligence factor! Let me be more precise. I have seen the “Intelligent” lady absolutely act disgusted at the “dumb” one because she has allowed the “only interested in the dumb ones” men to pay for her 20 drinks. It’s revolting that she allowed one of them to pay for her cab home as they exchanged phone numbers! Hmmmmm… Lets see, this calls for a little math. “Intelligent” chick just had 20 drinks she paid for herself. “Dumb” chick has the same 20 paid for by various others. “Intelligent” chick just spent the last 3 hours having an entertaining conversation with her friends that she could easily have had over dinner or at one of their homes for free. “Dumb” chick just spent the last 3 hours having an entertaining conversation with a complete stranger during which time she was either comically amused at his attempts to woo her OR had an even more entertaining conversation possibly learning and being exposed to something new. “Intelligent” chick spent at least 3 minutes discussing her disapproval of that flirtatious tramp at the next table. “Dumb” chick had an entertaining evening (which was exactly what she set out to do) with no regard and oblivious to the haters nearby. “Intelligent” chick paid her own way home. “Dumb” chick was taken or given the resources to get there AND has a standing appointment to meet some one in a more intimate (Dinner/drinks) setting. Both in bed by 4am. So, we could argue that the “Dumb” one was actually a lil’ wee smarter than the “Intelligent” one.

    I have always thought that in the case of the “No not me! I’m too smart for that” intelligent lady, she tends to out-intelligent herself. he looks like a player. He sounds like he is well rehearsed in his game! He…Blahblahblah…..!!! Stop!! Regardless of book smarts, street smarts… The one who gives me the time of day and entertains me in the process is my peer at that moment. I’m not chasing her because she is dumb, I’m chasing her because YOU came off as dumb and snooty!! How would we know how compatible we are if you are quick to judge me?? That’s not too intelligent, is it??

    1. This is extremely prevalent on the NYC scene. It’s amazing to me how groups of women will go out to a bar or club so they can huddle together around a little campfire and socialize with themselves, when they could have done the same thing much more inexpensively and with ZERO chance of getting hit on by guys they don’t want to meet if they would have STAYED. AT. HOME. and kicked it in one of their girls’ living rooms. The scene isn’t actually as social as it looks. It’s actually ANTISOCIAL with small pockets of people being sociable towards people they already know.

      It’s partially for that reason that I quit going out randomly. I can’t even guess the last time I went out for no reason at all, just to go someplace. I always make plans with either one person or a small group of people to go to a certain place for a certain reason. We socialize with whomever else shows up, but we have our own little posses we roll around with. In some cases, we chill at someone’s house and socialize and then we take it to the bars or clubs later in the evening, after we’ve already had quality time with each other.

      I’ve always found it perplexing how women focused so much on qualities that weren’t gaining them any leverage in their relationships. My friend Jamie brought up EQ (Entertainment Quotient), which is the entire point, as far as I’m concerned. People are supposed to be ENTERTAINING to each other. If you want someone to pay money and be around you without being entertaining, get a roommate. You don’t need a “significant other” for that.

      Also, you’re absolutely right that the ‘lesser’ chick that “gives you the time of day” and has a pleasant demeanor and seems to enjoy spending time with you is going to receive the perks. The ‘better’ chick, looking down her nose at the burger-flipper is gonna be left on the side, sulking, while all the dudes clamor for the friendly, fun, cute girl’s attention. Snooty = High Maintenance. A lot of chicks like that don’t get the rap because guys know it’s going to be too much of a hassle keeping or getting rid of them after they get on. We see past your good looks and fine clothing and fancy cars and houses all the way to the PROBLEMS, which we’re glad to leave for some poor sap that’s willing to put in the work to pull a chick that’s too busy being FLY to be of any decent level of social use to anybody else.

    2. “The one who gives me the time of day and entertains me in the process is my peer at that moment. I’m not chasing her because she is dumb, I’m chasing her because YOU came off as dumb and snooty!! How would we know how compatible we are if you are quick to judge me??” – You really nailed this, Frank!

  2. bill, you crack me up.

    but it’s cool. you guys keep following your dick around and complaining about psychotic/shopaholic girlfriends.

    us “smart girls” will keep having awesome and drama free relations 😉

    (and i actually meant smart girls. not career women. a != b, etc)

    1. lolol.. You say that as if Following & Complaining is a BAD thing! 😀

      Anywayyyy…

      Awesome + Drama Free = THE WAY TO GO! 😀

      It’s just that sometimes, a brotha gets caught slippin’ and needs some DatingGenius tactics to navigate the scenario! 😉

  3. Okay Bill, now I am confused. Isn’t there a contradiction between this post and your last comment to “How to tell he has a girlfriend”?

    Here you wrote:

    “Meanwhile.. The guys are looking for someone to replace their porno collection. That’s about it. We already have people to have intelligent conversations with and to do our hobbies with, like Video Games, Paintball & Chasing Chicks…… Those are called OTHER GUYS.”

    But in your comment, you wrote this:

    “Personality is usually completely underestimated when compared to looks. What guys find out down the line is that as HAWT as a chick might be, if she’s not aligned with you and down with the program, she’s ultimately useless and more trouble than she’s worth. Meanwhile, that chick that might not be tall enough to be a model or skinny enough to wear skinny jeans or pretty enough for anyone to ask her to model for anything might just be a TROOPER and have your back 100% when it honestly counts.”

    So what is more important? Being HAWT or having a personality? Or is the former important for players and the latter important for guys interested in LTRs? Hm?

    By the way, I believe a lot more girls would spend their leisure time checking out some format of pornography on the internet if they had more women-oriented porn there. I tried youporn, and I had to resort to the gay section to finally see something that I wanted to see….

    1. I received a Twitter comment with the exact same lack of understanding, so I’ll attempt to clarify. 🙂

      The comment was Ok, if it “doesn’t matter,” then why do men rarely end up married to dumb women? Logical end, if they date them, no?

      The answer is that there’s a complete and absolute difference between dating a chick because you want to hook up with her and dating her because you intend to keep her.

      It’s only the guys that intend to end up in a LTR that are concerned AT ALL about her personality. Granted, her personality might add to or subtract from her sensuality, which would be an issue to a guy that counts that as one of the factors in his being attracted to her. However, this is the major disconnect that women tend to have… Y’all aren’t aware of exactly why the guy’s coming after you.

      If a guy’s looking for a wife, of course personality’s going to be incredibly important. If you’re perfectly willing to eject a chick if she turns out to be a looney tune then it doesn’t matter at all. You just ride the wave until the cons outweigh the pros and then you exit, stage left.

      Also, if a gal’s going to be TRULY a guy’s #1, she’s going to have to be able to roll with him when he’s doing what he enjoys doing, which might be paintball, video games, going out for pizza instead of to the opera, whatever. Having said that, there are lots of guys that deliberately exclude their girlfriends from “guy stuff”. There are also guys that don’t want their girls to be athletic at all and prefer women with zero muscle tone. I have my theories about why that is, haha, but the point is that if a gal’s REALLY going to be a guy’s #1, she’s going to have to become his best friend as well as his love interest, etc. The only way for her to stay in the game is if she has the personality that makes him WANT to spend time with her when they’re not messing and WANT to bring her with him to events that he would normally do only with guys. The more she can integrate herself into his real life, the better their communication and relationship’s going to be.

      For guys that just happen to like messing with chicks, all that stuff is irrelevant. Who cares how compatible she is with you mentally when all you’re going to do is call her when you feel like having sex?

      So, the two items of advice are both applied to males, that’s true… They’re applied to males with completely different agendas.

      If you’ll notice, strip joints, prostitution and porno have always made a lot of money and WILL always make a lot of money. This is because there are LOTS of guys that enjoy sex that’s completely devoid of intelligent female conversation, or, really, ANY female conversation whatsoever.

      Meanwhile, there are lots of guys that don’t get any kicks out of strip joints and would much rather meet a fantastic, witty, intelligent (sexy, cute, attractive) female that they can create a bond and form a lasting relationship with. These are two entirely different sets of guys who will come at you the exact same way but have different goals. They’re all going to say that you’re pretty. They’re all going to claim they don’t want to hit it. They’re all going to hit it the first chance they get. Even though these guys seem like they’re all in one group, it’s actually TWO groups which get their kicks from entirely different aspects of interacting with women.

  4. Thanks Bill, for confirming my theory that the former is important for players and the latter for guys interested in LTRs.

    I would like to hear your theories on why some guys prefer women with zero muscle tone.

    “These are two entirely different sets of guys who will come at you the exact same way but have different goals.”

    Now, the 64.000$ question: How do I tell one set of guys from the other set if their approach is exactly the same?

    1. Aye!.. There’s The Rub! 😀

      The thing is that you CAN’T tell, because the guys that want an LTR act like they want one and the guys that don’t want one know that SAYING they want one is the fastest way to get to the nitty-gritty.

      Therefore, the only way you can actually tell is to ask mutual acquaintances that you trust to tell you the truth. For instance, I have 323 mutual Facebook friends with this gal I know. If she wanted to date me (which she doesn’t), out of those 323 people, I would guess that I’ve hung out with at least 90 of them IRL.

      That’s a whole lot of people that can tell her if I’m discourteous to women or I speak crudely in front of kids or I drop-kick cats across the street like a field goal.

      IMO, that’s the only way to get a good idea of what a person’s daily demeanor is. Talk to people that hang out with them on a regular basis. If they were in a relationship with one chick for two years straight and then all broken up about it when it was over, that’s going to be what people say. If they kick it with whatever chick happens to turn them on at that particular moment in time.. THAT’S going to be what people say. People can use this information to make educated decisions.

      As far as taking a guy’s word for what he wants, that’s a trap. Women THINK that “women’s intuition” always saves the day. It doesn’t. We already know you think you know who we are and we’ve evolved past your being able to detect and defeat our techniques. The more you think you know us, the more you blind yourself and the easier you are to fool.

      Stick to third-party information from trusted sources. 😉

    2. Fishingrod, this is the truth teller/liar logic dilemma!
      http://www.cut-the-knot.org/impossible/brothers.shtml

      Unfortunately very few people deceive or tell the truth all the time so it probably won’t ever work in real life.

      “Stick to third-party information from trusted sources. ;)” – is pretty sound. I also learned a while back that a lot of folks will let slip some interesting info on the 1st date. Only a high level game master can keep his game running for hours on end. The rank and file are amateurs. So have fun, suppress your intuition, and listen closely. I think you’ll at least catch the guys that are unaware they’re running their mouths at the behest of the other master… If that makes any sense. 😉

      1. I actually used that in “Truth vs Relationships”.

        There’s lots of information that slips all the time from people. If you’re in person with a chick and bring up a particular sexual act/action, she’ll either be neutral to what you said, seem fascinated by it or her nose will crinkle up and she’ll look like she smells something bad, hahaha. Depending on her reaction, you know whether she’s down for that particular item or not. 🙂

        It’s a lot better than telling her “Hey! I saw something in a movie the other night and wanted to try it out on you! :D”

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