Authenticity: The Matrix

* I started this on October 21st, my birthday, but I had so many Happy Birthday messages to reply to (Thank You, Everyone! :D) that I didn’t get back to this post until today. *
Liz Burr & Bill Cammack
Liz Burr & Bill Cammack

New Year’s Day

I’m sitting here answering all of my birthday messages on Facebook. I appreciate them all and I personally feel that if someone took the time to comment on my Facebook page or on BillCammack.com or on my Twitter page, it’s the VERY. LEAST. I. CAN. DO. to reply to them directly and as swiftly as possible. I’m not a fan of people’s styles who post something and then have ZERO presence in their comments. That says to me that you’re talking AT people instead of talking WITH people. I’m not a fan of that.

This is going to be a calm year for me. I can tell already. My life goes in cycles… one year HECTIC!!! and the next year calm. I feel very “smoothed out” this morning and I’m thinking about the concept of “giving”. The birthday gift the cosmos have handed me this morning is a really good grasp on what I think about people giving things, even free things like blog comments or birthday wishes or even holding the door open for someone to walk through. I have a matrix I’d like to share with you, based on that enlightenment.

The Matrix

The elements of the matrix are:

  • What you have
  • Whether you WANT TO give it to me or not
  • Whether you ACTUALLY give it to me or not

Each one of these elements is separately important. I know a lot of people, so I’ve been able to experience how all the different permutations feel, IRL. The end result is either FAKE or REAL. A lot of people think that so long as they end up conveying nice sentiments, that’s the best thing they could do for someone. I think that’s absolutely wrong. I think the best thing you can do is be REAL with people. That’s obviously easier said than done, but that’s what I’m going to strive for this year. In my calmness, I’m going to strive for REALITY and the chips will fall.

Here’s how the matrix works:

If you have something for me and you want to give it to me and you give it to me, that’s REAL.
If you have something for me and you want to give it to me and you don’t give it to me, that’s FAKE.
If you have something for me and you don’t want to give it to me and you give it to me, that’s FAKE.
If you have something for me and you don’t want to give it to me and you don’t give it to me, that’s REAL.
If you don’t have something for me and you want to pretend like you do, so you give it to me, that’s FAKE.
If you don’t have something for me and you want to pretend as if, but you don’t give it to me, that’s REAL.
If you don’t have something for me and you don’t want to pretend, but you give it to me anyway, that’s FAKE.
If you don’t have something for me and you don’t want to pretend and you don’t give it to me, that’s REAL.

Does that make sense? 🙂

Find The Real

You’ll notice that regardless of where you start or how you travel, there are only two potential outcomes… REAL and FAKE. Real, you can build on. Fake, you cannot. I mean, you can build on it, but you’re building your house on quicksand. In the long run, it’s worthless. Real is worthwhile, whether you like or dislike the person’s actual way of being towards you.

Let’s use the example of greetings.. Like when you see someone somewhere for the first time and have a natural reaction.

I showed up to a bar a couple of weeks ago with a friend of mine that I had been pre-gaming with, and the second I walked in, I found myself standing next to a booth where an acquaintance of mine was sitting who’s also an actor. He was sitting with several attractive females and was probably the King of the Hill in his area. When we saw each other, he got up and we greeted each other genuinely. That’s REAL. I appreciate that. There are lots of other people who in that same situation wouldn’t have wanted to give up their props and would have lamped in their seats like “Let the peons come to me!”. If that’s how you really feel and that’s how you carry yourself, that’s good. That’s real too. That lets me know what you think about yourself and what you think about me. Thank you for that information. I’ll utilize it in the future.

There are lots of different customs for greeting women as well. Depending on your culture, it might be a hug, it might be a kiss on the cheek or it might be both. It might be neither. It might be a handshake. It might be a wave from a distance with no physical contact whatsoever… Whatever it is, there are subtle differences between how a gal greets you that indicate how she’s feeling NOW relative to how she usually feels about you. You can tell a chick has a new relationship going when you suddenly get one of those “I’m still attracted to you, but I have a boyfriend now and I can’t afford for him to think The Kid’s tappin’ this” hugs. It’s no big deal.. She’ll come back online as soon as they break up and it’ll actually be better since she’ll be looking to reassure herself that she’s sexy & desirable = .. REBOUND!!!!! 😀

Don’t Got It

Another form of fakeness is when people don’t feel friendly towards you but they’re scared to death of being talked about on the back-channel as a HATER, so they act friendly merely so they can stay out of the tabloids. There are two problems with this. #1 is that it doesn’t feel right. The smiles are fake. The greetings are fake. The conversation tidbits are fake. It’s obvious. #2 is that when someone has literally hundreds of acquaintances in the same town, the number of people you can spill the beans to without it getting back around to the person you’re talking about is incredibly small.

I’ve had the unique privilege of standing face-to-face with people that I know have talked about me behind my back. It’s an interesting experience, because you’re standing there wondering if they’re going to bring up the issue that they talked about so freely when they thought you would never find out about it.

To be fair, IRL is “the same, but different” when it comes to meeting me. Since you don’t know ANYONE like me, when you read what I write without having spent time with me, you formulate your opinions based on examples that YOU have from your past of people that said the same things or expressed the same sentiments. I say the exact same things IRL that I say online.. actually, I say MORE IRL than I say online because I make blog posts for general consumption and I really get down to the nitty-gritty with my close friends, usually over a long night of brewskis! 😀

The difference, however, is that you get way more cues from me IRL, including vocal tone, eye contact or avoidance, physical contact, laughter (similar senses of humor), appreciation, acknowledgement, recognition, empathy… Lots of stuff that you wouldn’t expect to get from reading my blog posts. There’s a very good reason why I have over 700 female Facebook friends. Feel free to ask the couple hundred that have actually hung out with The Kid in person whether they had a good time or not. 😉

Sharing vs. Bragging

Having read what I just wrote, to a lot of people, that last paragraph is going to sound like braggadocio. It’s actually not. It’s just the truth. If I didn’t have over 700 female facebook friends (out of 1,690 total), I wouldn’t say so. If I hadn’t been in the top 20 Google results for the word/name “Bill” for almost the last two years, I wouldn’t say so. If I wasn’t in a YouTube video that’s approaching 2 million views, I wouldn’t say so. These are all checkable facts. I’m not saying “ha ha. Look at me, compared to you!”. This is my life, so this is what I have to talk about.

For instance, I don’t have any kids. Other people have kids and talk about them all the time. I don’t accuse these people of bragging that their reproductive systems work. (I wouldn’t know whether mine does or doesn’t, being that I’m a condom HERO) I don’t hate on people for talking about their successful startups or their real estate coups. It just so happens that most of what I do is HAVE. A. GOOD. TIME. because that’s what I want from my life. It just so happens that I’m not interested in only one female. It just so happens that I live in the center of the known universe, New York City. It just so happens that I’m a rather accomplished freelance video editor, so if you google Video Editor Resume, you get ME.

I talk about myself because that’s what I have to share. I don’t have anything else. 🙂 No startup, no kids, no job, nothing! 😀 Just because the stuff I talk about is FUN!!! doesn’t make it any different from what those people share on their blogs.

Authenticity

So, this year (my year starts on my birthday), I’m going to strive for realness in giving & communication. I’m not sure how successful I’ll be, but I’m going to try. It’s a lot easier for me to say things that I don’t care about than it is to say things I DO care about. All I know is that the people who like who I am (or at least tolerate it, huh) have stuck around throughout the years and they’re greatly appreciated. The people who liked who they thought I was and then found out they were wrong have disappeared, which is also fantastic.

I decided to be authentic with one of my homegirl’s homegirls a couple of years back. It was late at night and I was bored with the chick, so I decided to inform her that although I liked and respected her as a person, her opinion of me didn’t matter to me one single iota because I was never going to see her again after that day. Of course, the gal took incredible offense at this, but I was speaking from an heavily favored probability. I had never seen her before that night. The only reason I was even hanging out with her was that my homegirl brought her out with us. She had already informed me she wasn’t interested in me, physically. There was no reason why I would ever contact her and there was no reason why she would ever contact me. As far as I was concerned, I was having a conversation with a ghost.. you know, like on the Sixth Sense tip. We were going to spend our hours together that evening and then she was going to cease to exist, entirely.

Of course she argued against this for her own self-esteem reasons. She tried to convince me that her opinion mattered to me, which was and IS entirely impossible. After she stormed out of the bar with her lackey / fanboi / human pet in tow, my homegirl and I had another hour’s worth of laughs at her expense because of how riled up she got over nothing. Just like I figured on that day and told her to her face, I’ve never, EVER come into contact with that girl EVER AGAIN in the couple of years since that conversation. Just like I said, she ceased to exist after she walked out of that bar. I still like her as a person and appreciate the fantastic conversation we were having, but I couldn’t possibly care ANY LESS about what a ghost thinks about me.

This is the ‘problem’ with authenticity and this is the path I’m taking this year. When your philosophy clashes with someone else’s, that person often chooses to bail rather than consider your point of view. I’m like that with horror movies. I don’t watch them because I don’t care. A lot of people get kicks from watching people run around in an abandoned hotel getting killed off one at a time. *YAWN*. No thanks. I’ll pass.

The way I feel right now, I’d rather have fewer acquaintances that are all down with the program than more acquaintances that follow/friend me because I haven’t said anything they don’t like yet. Spare Me. :/
 

Living in the limelight
The universal dream
For those who wish to seem

Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme

~ Rush “Limelight”
 

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

Join the Conversation

4 Comments

    1. haha Thanks, Steve. It’s tough somtimes… 🙂

      It would be so easy to just sit back and lie and tell chicks what they want to hear and then be like “let them eat cake” after the fact, but it’s just not right. It doesn’t FEEL GOOD to do that. 🙂 I’d rather take the losses and carry the weight myself, since they’re not emotionally equipped to carry it.

      Besides, you end up with lasting respect from the chicks you DO end up kickin’ it with because you were straight up with them and it was their choice whether to get down with the program or not.

  1. so, i been meaning to do this for a minute but been side tracked… HAPPY BIRTHDAY… belated style of course.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.