Unattractive Women’s Relationship Advantages

Bill CammackSo.. Like, every day, guys have to hear stuff like “I’m not a piece of meat” and “I want him to like me for me”, which doesn’t make any sense, because a woman’s looks are a PART of her “me”, so if a guy likes you for your looks or your body, stop trying to dismiss that like it doesn’t count for anything.

Having said that.. If a guy DOESN’T think you’re cute and/or your body ISN’T sexually inspirational to him and he dates you anyway, you might just have a long-term boyfriend on your hands…

Long Term Relationships

Attractive women are at a SEVERE DISADVANTAGE when it comes to LTRs, because they’re not going to look like that forever. ‘Matter of fact, I’ve met gals that looked completely different six months after I met them, so women that get the rap based on how they currently look have a tough row to hoe. If they cease to maintain their looks, dude might be outtahere like Belvedere.

That’s why I find these television shows really funny where chicks run around giving themselves props for their looks. Good Luck with that. πŸ™‚ It’s these same chicks that roam the subway stations looking like confused zombies once their looks are gone and they become has-beens and actually have to depend on their underdeveloped personalities to make friends and influence people.

Personality Development

Unattractive women have it way better. πŸ™‚ Their personalities are way more developed because guys don’t approach them for sex so the conversations are completely different. Guys make plans to get together with unattractive gals to watch the Yankee game and actually WATCH the Yankee game! πŸ˜€ It wasn’t just a ploy to get her alone so they could hit it.

If a guy ends up attracted to her, it’s for traits that are way less fleeting than looks. She’s likely to be just as cool as she is today next year. She’s likely to be just as intelligent and witty next year. She’s likely to be just as caring and attentive as she is right now for years to come. Meanwhile.. Women who got the rap for their looks are in peril of losing their man to the next better-looking female that comes along. Guys that date for looks are notorious for trading chicks in for the newer, hawter model like happens with cars.

Ease Of Maintenance

Another benefit to unattractive women is that nobody else is trying to kick it to them. πŸ™‚ You don’t have to work so hard to maintain your relationship with her because there aren’t guys lined up around the block trying to steal your girl.

I remember one time, this friend of mine started dating this girl and we all laughed our asses off about it because she was clearly busted, except the problem was that we hadn’t realized that she always dresses down. Months later, we saw her actual body and we were like “HOLY ****!!! :O”. We were like NO WONDER he had hooked up with her and he was suddenly heralded as a gold miner instead of a fool with zero taste in women. The point is that my friend was living on Easy Street because HE knew what was under the hood and nobody else did.

Trickle-Down Theory

Unattractive women don’t have to work as hard to meet men. This is because attractive women will bring them out partying so they can perform the duties of the DUFF, which is similar to a wingman, but not really. The DUFF’s job is to step in and cockblock when she sees that a guy’s trying to lay the attractive chick. The second part of the DUFF’s job is to make the attractive chick look even hotter, merely by standing next to her.

The DUFF’s payoff for performing her duties is that she gets all of the trickle-down.. The guys that didn’t get the rap to the attractive chick and are willing to settle for less or attempt to back-door the situation by making friends with the DUFF, getting her number and getting invited out for another shot at the attractive chick in the near future. Basically, by being “The Woman Next To THE WOMAN”, the unattractive woman gains access to hundreds of guys that would never have spoken to her at all, had she gone to that same bar by herself.

An added benefit to the trickle-down is that in most cases, the DUFF actually has a STELLAR personality compared to the attractive chick. Hawt chicks get hit on all day, every day and it gets on their nerves and causes them to react in a “Let Them Eat Cake!” fashion when a guy steps to them and tells them how beautiful they are for the 20th time since they walked into the club. A lot of guys are tired as hell of this and when they accidentally get deflected to the DUFF, they realize that she’s actually much cooler, smarter and much better company than the chick they meant to kick it to. This is why a lot of insanely attractive women are dumbfounded about how come they don’t get as many relationship offers as women who clearly rolled out of bed just before coming to the party.

Random Advantages

If she’s so inclined, it’s easier for unattractive women to cheat. This is because nobody would believe that someone actually hit it other than the dude that was “desperate enough” to date her in the first place. When she claims she was at home eating HΓ€agen-Dazs, no questions are asked, even though she had actually been at the club all night shaking her ass, making out and getting numbers.

Unattractive women are also more likely to give unattractive guys a chance to date them. This means that they’re selecting from a much larger pool of men and are way more likely to hook up with someone that is actually SINCERE about wanting her to be his boyfriend. Attractive women are busy being selective and trying to date the most attractive, richest, most popular guysÒ€¦ which means they’re way more likely to get used and dumped, because there’s no reason that guys like that should settle for one chick. All guys SOUND sincere when we’re trying to get laid. It’s just not true, though. Unattractive guys can promise the moon and the stars to attractive gals and get no dap. No light. Nada. After enough crashing & burning, guys start to want something real and lower their visual standards while raising their personality standards. This is where unattractive chicks clean up. πŸ˜€

Unattractive women look the same in the morning………

I wouldn’t be surprised if unattractive chicks have more kids on average, being that their boyfriends/husbands aren’t worried about potentially messing up her stellar physique. Dunno. \o/

AnywayÒ€¦ You can see the myriad advantages that unattractive women have when it comes to relationships. Attractive women can get INTO relationships easier, but unattractive women can REMAIN in relationships easier because they were probably selected for qualities that are going to LAST throughout the years. Keep that in mind next time you see a DUFF chillin’ at the bar, smiling because she’s consistently looking like a HERO for being cool, funny, interesting & caring towards dudes that her attractive homegirl just finished haughtily rejecting.

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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38 Comments

  1. yep, very true. my chick is not attractive but I certainly am. so I know she isn’t going anywhere, plus her personality rocks!

  2. and there are the semi-hot chicks who aren’t getting many raps because they are rolling with three very hot friends of theirs. But they have good personalities and with a little motivation after you enter a relation ship yo can transform them so to speak then boom! you know have a hot chick just like your friend.

    1. Well, that’s a trick of the trade, my man! πŸ˜€ Finding the so-called “diamond in the rough” and transforming her into what she could have been if she a) had the confidence to be that and b) even understood that she could be a killer like her girlfriends, except with the added bonuses of humility, decency and actually bringing something worthwhile mentally to the table.

      Also, there are chicks that rock the wrong style for their personalities. They try to dress up like their beauty pageant girlfriends instead of rockin’ that plaid shirt and those black jeans and sneakers that really mesh with their way of being and make them look like grunge ROCK STARS instead of beauty pageant WANNABES! πŸ˜€

      Having said that, I’ve had to condition myself against focusing on the hottest chicks in packs. It’s really tough because of their magnetic attraction. Lots of times, it’s that chick sitting there quietly sipping her drink that’s the one you’re gonna spend the most time with this year. πŸ™‚

  3. I enjoyed your post very good info. It’s good to see that someone else see what I see. Why do you think the good girl always finish last?

    1. Hey Dsheray. Thanks for the comment! πŸ˜€

      The good girl always finishes last because she’s brainwashed to believe that her goodness is going to land her exclusive access to a man. The trend has been for women to play down their sexuality and sensuality so he’ll “like her for her”. This means that the guy’s gonna have other women on his roster that he gets his kicks with because he thinks they’re HAWT (not necessarily hawt-looking, but they’re sexy and they turn him on and he’s inclined to spend time with them again).

      In a lot of cases, guys opt to either keep all of their women while promoting one of them to some kind of girlfriend/fiancee/wife status or they dump the main girl and keep the ones that really turn them on.

      Since the good girls aren’t focused on this aspect of relating to men since they think it’s over because this is now 2009, they take themselves out of the game and it doesn’t matter how accomplished they are, they’ll never wrest complete control over a guy from some cashier that serves him at a fast food restaurant that happens to have a fat ass and a nice smile for him.

      1. (I know you’re right – I’m kind of a plain jane and I’ve been with this gorgeous man for 5 years now and our relationship is deep, rich, intimate and he even cooks sometimes and does the dishes).

        1. Play On, Playette! πŸ˜€

          That’s probably because your man got tired of the superficiality of chicks wanting to hook up with him because he was visually attractive and decided he needed more than that if he was going to be in a serious relationship.

  4. The saddest part is that many of the attractive women dont get it!!! How many times have we heard a real attractive, fine azz, “sweety, you should be a model” chick disgustedly ask “why he with that ugly/fat/hairy (take your pick) bitch?? well whatever, his loss!” First thing they remember is “he was looking at me first…she got him because I LET her…blahblahblah…” Its like they take it as a slap in the face that after getting all done up and CHOSE to be a bland conversationalist (and dead fish if you got that far), the man would still choose the lesser of the lookers. I pick my woman like I pick my friends… If we cool we cool. If dude is wearing suspenders and a bow tie BUT i can have fun with him, then thats my peoples. I could care less for the cool azz, cant break a sweat, wanna look like he has a starring role in Twilight, self absorbed guy whose idea of fun is to sit there and look like a mannquin while attracting the same type of female. Give me a beer, a funny chick, some homeys and my own table-we good.

    FYI: Not that Im proud of this (winkwink) but I have gotten with some real high-post (their shyt dont stink) chicks just to say “I did her”! Ive doen it when I have known that there would never be a 2nd time. If the impression I got upon meeting her was that she thought “i would never…” in regards to me, uhm well lets see how committed to your own beliefs you are. Im real committed to mine. πŸ™‚

    1. Yeah, chicks don’t recognize that looks just get them in the door. Personality’s what keeps them in position.

      Better-looking gals just have more opportunities to demonstrate personality to guys. It’s the not-so-fly chicks that have a lot more going for them under the hood that always get the callbacks and repeated invites to go out and chill.

      Fine, empty-headed girls are a “taste”.. You have to be in the mood for that. Up until you actually get your hands on some chicks, these girls SEEM like the best ones. The cream of the crop! πŸ˜€ Once you detect their crabby attitudes and lack of use for anything other than getting you into the club without waiting on line, you see they’re all style and no substance.

      That’s fine for the hit-n-run, but nobody wants to think about being in a protracted relationship with someone that they don’t enjoy spending time with.

      As far as “I would never”, hahahaha I hear you man. The thing is that chicks think they know what they want… until they run into a guy that has what they didn’t know they wanted.

  5. hahah this make me laugh hysterically but hes got a point that unattractive women will get more action merely cuz they want it for those men out there that dont even care they will take the action that “handed” to them the point im trying to make is tho if u get a man and wnt give it up to him fairly quick within a month or 2 hes gonna get bored and hes gonna leave i mean lets face it men like sex =D theres no getting around it its just the way it is we like sex when u expect a guy o wait 3-4 months for a lil bit of poon(idk if thats not allowed but still) u better be checking his phone and making sure hes not with someone on the side but anyway bill i like the website and these tips and such but can i ask y did u decide to start a website like this??

    1. Hey Dark. Glad you enjoyed. πŸ™‚

      You’re absolutely right that women’s dating leverage as far as sex is absolutely gone, haha Look at Tiger Woods. He was hooking up with more chicks than you could knock down with one bowling ball! πŸ˜€

      I actually find that phenomenon fascinating, where women think they get to control whether a guy gets laid or not. All they actually control is whether THEY give it up or not. The next gal’s ready to prove her worth and knock that girlfriend/wife out of position for the win.

      Thanks for the props on the website. πŸ™‚ That’s actually a good question, why I wanted to start a dating blog particularly like this…

      I started out doing what I called “Don’t Try This At Home”, which was supposed to be humorous dating advice that didn’t necessarily do you any good, which was why you shouldn’t try it at home.

      What happened along the way was that I have a lot of female readers and they have a lot of the same questions. I got tired of making up funny ish and decided to try to do a public service by attempting to enlighten women so they can WAKE THE **** UP and see how easy it is for us guys to game them. It’s honestly too easy. They always fall for the same damned tricks. πŸ˜€

      On top of that, there are so many stupid things that guys do and stupid things that gals do that never get addressed on dating blogs. The advice is always “Buy her flowers”, “Say you’re wrong”, “Always agree with her”, “Take out the trash”, “Take her out on Valentine’s Day, blah blah blah blah blah.. Meanwhile, nothing ever gets solved, because both sides are keeping what they REALLY think to themselves.

      I’m watching that MTV show “Teen Mom” and this one dude obviously doesn’t give a flying **** that his girlfriend got pregnant and now he has a son. I mean it’s OOOOBVIOUS. You just look at his face and he’s like “How did I get in this situation? :(“, “This sucks. :(“, “I don’t want to babysit this kid. :(” and then they drag the show all the way through the season and he has another argument with his girl and FINALLY blurts out that he doesn’t care.

      This is the type of thing I’m talking about. Why should it be obvious to some dude watching television and NOT obvious to the girl that was with this guy, laid down with him and had a kid by him that he just doesn’t care? Granted, she’s a teen, but it doesn’t get any better as women get older. I just got really sick of seeing all these situations where women were obviously taking shorts and decided to post about them. I’ve been doing this for years already, and sometimes I get really tired of being redundant but then something new happens like some sportscaster screws some busted intern or production assistant and women are all like “:O HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO HIS WIFE?”.. Meanwhile, the fellaz are like “Is that a girl? He couldn’t get a better chick than THAT?” πŸ˜€

      Most of us see the world in general and dating in particular from such a different perspective that it’s frustrating and annoying to run into YET ANOTHER clueless female because she’s still operating from the brainwashing she received as a small child that there’s someone for everyone and that when a guy hooks up with her, it’s because he likes her as a person and cares about what she thinks and says as opposed to he felt like having sex with her, so he made that happen.

      So, Yeah.. I try to mix it up between humor and rants, and I’m extremely happy for the women that have gotten something out of my blog that allowed them to see REALITY in their own relationships and create a stronger dating stance for themselves with a better grasp of the situation and higher self-esteem, but for the most part, the song remains the same.

      All I know is that for the last few years, I’ve tried to do my part as far as humor and education. That’s really all I can ask from myself.

      Cheers! πŸ™‚

  6. You’d be surprised. It’s actually the HOT chicks that are smart, witty, and funny. It’s the unattractive fat ugly ones with bad attitudes who are dumb as shit and high maintenance. Don’t always just assume that attractive chicks are dumb stuck up bimbos, because most aren’t. (The ones who are tend to be the Paris Hilton types, but is Giada Laurentiis like that? Nope, she’s normal).

    1. Okay Ana, clearly you are one sexy lady, but after all the attention that you get from guys why do you have to take away from females who weren’t as blessed in the looks dept ? Let that shit go.

  7. I kind of disagree with Ana there. There’s been studies done that prove attractive women have higher standards for the treatment they believe they deserve. That also correlates with (most of) my friends, who vary in attractiveness levels.

    The girls who have a lot of guys coming after them all the time just delete numbers if a guy starts booty calling them because they know there will be another guy in like -2 seconds. I was on the way from a date last night and another guy asked me out on the stairwell literally 15 seconds after the first guy went the other direction. If I had been treated poorly on the date, I would have immediately forgotten about the first guy and just went out with the second. This also means that attractive girls can demand better treatment because the guys are so replaceable and they know it. Thus, everyone thinks attractive women have higher self-esteem upon first meeting them, which isn’t really true. They just know what they’re worth on the marketplace and that knowledge translates into high-worth behaviors.

    So…with the caveat that I haven’t actually tried this advice myself, I would say that when women don’t have a bunch going on in the looks department, that is where confidence and comfort with yourself comes in. The one friend I have who doesn’t fit with this logic proves this point perfectly. She is fairly plain & not particularly thin but constantly has men around trying to date her because she’s so comfortable with herself. She isn’t arrogant, but she knows she’s the shit and acts accordingly. She won’t put up with poor behavior from men and acts high status. Therefore she is high status. Men respond to this kind of attitude more strongly than women do — they’re conditioned to respect hierarchy. Their thinking must be something like this:
    “she thinks she’s the shit THEREFORE
    she must have been treated like the shit by men in the past THEREFORE
    other men must find her very desirable THEREFORE
    I also find her very desirable.”

    The key is that she actually believes in how amazing she is. That’s the huge difference to guys talking about women who “think they’re all that but they’re not even that hot.” These women are demanding the high status treatment but deep down don’t really believe they deserve it. The guys can sense this at a deep level and that’s where the disconnect comes: they feel like they’re being cheated with someone who is essentially faking (because they are).

    How to achieve better self-esteem? I have no idea, but I think my friend is definitely onto something with that approach. Just think about it: you get all the results with none of the natural advantages. So useful!

    1. That’s an incredibly important distinction, Sophia.. The difference between believing that you’re valuable and trying to “act as if” so other people give you things you don’t actually believe you deserve.

      Another issue is actually having class.. Either because you were born into a classy family or you were raised properly or you developed class on your own so long ago that it seems to be a natural component of your personality.

      Lots of guys & gals have no class at all and it’s obvious to those of us that have it. The expression of “I’m good looking, so I can be a jerk to whomever I want!” isn’t cute. Neither is “I’m rich, so I can be a jerk to whomever I want!”. Someone else might be rich and/or attractive, but they’re USED TO IT and are able to be gracious towards people… In fact, being gracious becomes one of the best things you can do because it’s not fulfilling to beat people over the head with how fly you are. If you’ve got it like that, it’s obvious to you and everyone that can detect quality people. There’s nothing worth proving when you already understand who you are.

      1. Quality. Class. Graciousness. I’d add sexuality. By writing sexuality I risk being only partially understood.Often the individuals to whom we ascribe the attributes of quality, class and graciousness have, at their core, a charisma and magnetism which is potent. Replace sexuality with sensuality if you like. It’s the same source. A powerful connection to one’s basic vibe. Resonanting with “it” so that every action, word, gesture is generated from a particular frequency, from a connection to one’s source, is rich. Sexy. That comes off as being on one’s power. That is sensual and desireable and undeniable. And people who do have it as well as people who do not have it desire to be around those who DO (have “it.”) Not really esoteric. I think it is the same as saying someone is genuine.

        1. Very interesting point that I’ve never considered before, Christine. πŸ™‚ I’m going to copy and paste that so I can dwell on it in some free time that I’ll have today.

          I would agree that sexuality could be expressed in a classy or non-classy fashion and part of that is based on that “coming from the core” quality that I’m just now beginning to think about because you mentioned it.

          My off-the-cuff reaction to your statement is that confidence that comes from a clearly congruent and respectable core is MOST DEFINITELY sexy.

          I’ll have more thoughts on this another time after I consider it for a while. πŸ™‚

  8. I just found the study here: http://www.psych.ucsb.edu/research/cep/topics/anger.htm

    Key phrases: ” These studies find, that stronger men and more attractive women are more anger-prone, feel more entitled to better treatment, and prevail more in conflicts of interest. They also more strongly endorse the use of force to resolve conflicts. According to this theory, strength and beauty are not unique: anything that increases the social bargaining power of an individual should increase her or his anger-proneness and feeling of entitlement.”

    1. That makes sense, because both of them are relying on gimmicks.

      The stronger man gets what he gets BECAUSE he’s stronger and he knows that as soon as someone stronger than him arrives, he has to play the back or fight for his.

      The attractive gal suddenly finds out when she loses her looks that nobody cared about her as a person and were just kickin’ it to her BECAUSE of her looks, so she has to fight to make sure that people still regard her as attractive or she’s done.

      Again.. People that have ENOUGH strength and ENOUGH good looks but really get their props from their stellar personalities always win the day. So long as they don’t lose their minds, they’ll always have friends & admirers. There’s nothing to get mad about because regardless of what happens, “I’m still Me”. If the strongman loses his strength, he’s not “him” anymore.. Neither is the gal without her looks.

      1. Um, they’re not gimmicks. What exactly makes you think this? These two things: strength and beauty, are what each sex fundamentally desires in the other.

        The strong man and beautiful woman don’t fight more because “they know if they don’t fight, they’re done,” they fight because they know they can win. They’re more likely to be antagonistic because they are more likely to get their way — they know this from experience, so they use it more often than an ugly woman or weak man would since those two can’t always win a fight.

        1. Unfortunately for me, πŸ™‚ I attempted to explain this elsewhere in the myriad comments I’ve fielded over these last two days (which I’m appreciative of, so Thank You “Sophia”, Christine & “Susan”) but I’ll explain it again here..

          And, this is not my bias “showing”.. This is attempting to show my bias TO you.

          Any connection you make with someone that’s based on something other than the natural interaction/meshing of your personalities or the same effect generated over time as you get used to each other will only be sustainable under the conditions you originally presented when you got the rap.

          If you pull a chick because you’re strong, be prepared to lose her when you lose your strength OR someone stronger than you arrives and her attention gravitates to him.

          If a chick pulls a guy based on her looks, she should be prepared to lose him when he achieves access to a better-looking woman or she loses her own looks.

          As far as the particular study you’re talking about, I agree with your assessment that people that intend to win and are used to winning are more likely to escalate situations so it enters their realm. Guys don’t want a physical fight with the strong guy and they don’t want to lose physical access to the attractive girl, so when push comes to shove, they’re going to concede the point.

          What I’m saying is that when those women become has-beens, they’re going to find out what people REALLY think of their PERSONALITIES because they won’t be getting the same treatment they got when everyone was trying to screw them back in the day.

          Similarly, when that strongman is injured or just gets off his workout regimen and his words are no longer backed up with significant physical threat, he’s going to find out what people REALLY think of his PERSONALITY.

          Perhaps I used the term “Gimmick” incorrectly. If you pull a chick because she wanted to ride in your Porsche, good luck that you’ll ever get another date with her without that car. That’s a GIMMICK.

          Personality FTW.

      2. I think your personal bias / viewpoint is showing a bit, Bill. Why can’t people who are naturally blessed with good looks / strength have stellar personalities to go along with it?

        I mean, it’s obvious that it’s always better to have more strength and more good looks. Add a stellar personality to it and all things being equal, the first two will always win over enough strength and enough good looks + stellar personality.

        1. The reason I don’t believe your last sentence is that Personality is the fail-safe.

          Whatever you don’t have when you arrive in a situation, you can overcome it with personality, especially with women. That doesn’t mean you’re going to get to date her, but it means that if your primary attraction method fails you, there’s no need to panic. πŸ™‚

          Also, Personality allows you to move in realms that non-charismatic people can’t understand. You can make unbelievable connections incredibly quickly. If you’re a strong guy and arrive in a scenario where the rest of the guys are approximately as strong as you are, your advantage is neutralized. Same thing for the woman who’s insanely attractive relative to her friends, but more like a “6” (on a scale of looks going to 10, haha not in clothing size) when placed amongst truly stunning-looking females. Same thing for the rich guy who has the impressive job when he’s placed in a scenario with guys that are so rich that they don’t HAVE to work at all.

          Personality is the killer app. πŸ˜‰

          1. There will always be people with better personalities too — people who are more fun, more socially connected, more interesting, more charismatic. Personality is just another trait that adds to the package (of looks & strength, etc).

    1. lolol Believe You, ME, Angela… πŸ˜€ By the time I’m writing about something, I’ve seen it A BUUUUUUNCH OF TIMES!!! πŸ˜€

      That’s like in today’s post. I’ve seen chicks probably MILLIONS OF TIMES regretting that they didn’t dress properly because they were like “I’m just going to a cookout” or “I’m just going to a dive bar” and then some dude they like walks in and they feel all stupid.

      Y’all need to recognize that you don’t control when someone shows up that might have rapped to you if you had been PROPPAH, so stay on top of your game! πŸ˜€

  9. Okay, what about the “situational duff?” I end up being the duff because when my friend and me are together, she’s prettier than me, but when she’s not around I have no issues getting guys. Now that I think about it, I actually do date A LOT more. (She’s even commented on it in the past.)

    I’m a personality freak (similar interests, goals, etc) and she’s mostly hung up on looks, and worries about the other stuff later. I do find that she has more sex than me, but that it doesn’t really end in a relationship. It’s more like a series of one night stands.

    It used to be a reversed role several years ago when I was several pounds lighter, and she was as heavy as me. She’s since gotten her teeth fixed and lost a lot of weight, but I have questioned how she’s lost it.

    I’m actually curious if the role wouldn’t switch again if I lost weight and started dressing more feminine when I’m with her. I can out dress her as I have background in fashion/costuming and can sew, but I don’t bother to make the effort most of the time unless we’re going to a major event.

    I don’t really worry about being the duff with her as most of the guys she attracts are the types of guys I would label “douchebags”/”jerks” because it’s only about the sex, and nothing else. (As a friend, I have warned her about this, but she doesn’t always understand that.) Most of the time, if I want attention, I can get it through my work, other friends, etc.

    With this said, I do have conflict, my friend can have sex, finish, and walk away from it all if it doesn’t work out. It’s difficult for me find a guy who can finish me sexually, so it’s always frustrating afterwards. I want it to be a “Thanks, that was nice, but I don’t see a real relationship here, bye.” I guess I’m trying to figure out how to work around this, or find a guy who’s willing to put forth more effort in in the sack, so I’m not stuck there with pink balls afterwards, wondering why I left my vibrator alone this evening.

    1. Hi Cell. Thanks for the comment. πŸ˜€

      Fortunately, I wasn’t drinking when I read “pink balls” because I definitely went “PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” and would have spat my beer all over my Macbook Pro! πŸ˜€

      You bring up several interesting points and this actually calls for its own post, “The Situational DUFF”, but here are my thoughts:

      I know exactly what you mean about being the Situational DUFF. One time in particular, I got caught by this situation and then I learned from it. I had gone to a party and there were two girls there that were pretty attractive.. I mean, there were more females, but the story only concerns these two. One of them was *CLEARLY* flyer than the other one. This had the effect of “making” me focus ENTIRELY on the #1 and not at all on the #2. Of course, all the other guys were focusing on the same girl, and I didn’t end up getting the rap in that case.

      When I looked at the pictures from the evening, I noticed two very important things that I hadn’t seen while I was at the party… First, the #2 had been checking me out and probably would have been receptive if I had kicked it to her. Second, when I looked at the pictures that didn’t have the #1 in it and only the #2, I found the #2 stunningly attractive. πŸ˜›

      What I learned from that was to at least ATTEMPT to judge women individually and not relative to whomever else happens to be there. The reason I’m bringing this up is that it’s VERY, VERY, *VERY* hard to do. It’s practically biological. I have to literally FORCE MYSELF to clear out what I think about any other females in the room in order to assess the ones that I don’t consider to be the currently available top-notch gal.

      What that’s going to mean in your case is that, as you’ve noticed, whichever one of you two is “more attractive” at the time (which is relative to each particular guy’s tastes, of course), the runner-up is going to be mentally considered “unattractive” relative to the winner.

      This is going to make guys (undeservedly, on your part) feel like they’re settling or “taking what they can get” if they hook up with you when they had had a shot at your currently-better-looking girlfriend. This is probably also going to lead to what you describe, which is guys not really going all out to please you. o_O

      Personally, if I were in your situation, I’d accentuate the positive. It doesn’t need to be a competition between you and your girl. There are most definitely enough guys to go around, for the girls that concentrate on looking as good as they possibly can right now. The point of looking your personal best is that it gives you the confidence that you put your best foot forward and you’ll have a more fun demeanor when guys talk to you.

      The second thing I would do if I were you is MOVE! πŸ˜€ .. Not meaning go somewhere else where you’re the new top dog, but when you go out with your girlfriend, don’t stay up under her ass all night and don’t let her stay up under yours.

      Frank and I talked about this in Street Game 07: Ladies: Meeting Men Without Looking Easy

      Click Here to play the .mp3 version [12:18]

      Basically, there are a lot of guys that WOULD talk to you if you weren’t huddled in a crew with your homegirls. Walk your ass around the venue instead of sitting on the same couch all night. Make reasons to go to the bar and get some napkins or order a drink next to a guy you’d like to talk to you or get in the bathroom line behind a guy you want to kick it with so you have time to talk to him… Believe me, there are lots of guys that WOULD talk to you, but they’re scared to death of approaching groups. You don’t have to approach these guys yourself, just place yourself where they feel comfortable throwing their hat in the ring, and if you like them, stop and chat for a while. πŸ™‚

      The other problem you’re going to have is that every time guys come over, they’re *ALL* going to want to screw your homegirl, so whomever “has” to talk to you is going to be a wingman off the bat. I’ve done this lots of times and my goal isn’t to meet the chick or get to know her. It’s just to stop her from cockblocking the guy that’s going after the real target. That’s not a good subset of guys for you to meet. That’s another reason why it’s better for you to periodically take a walk and separate yourself from your homegirls and head in the direction of a guy or guys that you felt like meeting.

      Ultimately, some guys are going to be looking for the best of both worlds.. They want a girl that looks good enough that they feel like messing with her but they also want a girl that’s cool enough that they’d actually hang out with her if they weren’t hooking up with her. By stepping away from your homegirl and/or the rest of your posse, you get the chance to shine on your own and demonstrate your own personality, which will net you way more guys that might stick around, invite you places, hook up with you for YOUR satisfaction and maybe become long-term love interests than your homegirl is going to bag just by being that hawtest gal that everybody’s trying to tap.

  10. i walk both paths. i really love your views, Bill. as i make it a point not to generalize, i’ll agree that there is an advantage for being seen as unattractive. i’ve felt the difference, and in my simply way of putting it, being “eye candy” is like posting billboards advertising what every shmo wants. with that a girl gets too many knuckle heads dressed as gents. i think it’s natural, so i don’t knock it. but to see the advantages of dumbing it down, seems a wise choice. the men who see behind the “visually unsatisfying” drapery are the special ones. i myself am still in my old state of mind and my looks (being as they change as you mature) has gotten me a different set of advantages. mostly work related and social crap. but when it comes to love, i wish and sometimes make it a point for guys to see the unattractive me. it’s wise in this day of age, when people lack moral of the kind. for now, as i am seen as attractive, i make it a point not to date men whose first comment is about my looks. that’s just my code, of course. works for me.

    but in the long run, it’s like that quote: “people who mind don’t matter. people who matter don’t mind.” enjoy your blessings, what ever they are. some men and women get caught up in it, but it’s lessons learned but us folk who watch and ponder. all of the men i hold dear (i am a tomboy)
    are really ideal. the best pickings, honestly. gents in modern times. point is, it would have been difficult to know them if they weren’t there from my “ugly years”. the kind i’d marry if i was into that whole thing. lol in that way, i and other unattractive women are lucky. more likely to find a good person to tag along in life, and crap. πŸ™‚

    1. Hey Shawna. πŸ™‚ Thanks for the comments.

      What you’re talking about is exactly what I’m trying to describe.

      When a gal comes to the table looking FOYINE off the bat, dudes are gonna want some’a that, regardless. That’s going to tint how they interact with her. She’s not going to get “reality”, meaning how he would react to her if he were completely disinterested in having sex with her.

      If there’s a chick you don’t want, when she asks you if she looks fat in this dress, you tell her “Yeah, that looks busted. Rock the jeans, that long shirt and your leather jacket” and the conversation is over. He gave her his honest opinion and gave her tips on how to look her best when they go outside. She didn’t get upset that he didn’t lie to her (so he could get laid later) and tell her she looks fine as-is, *AND* she appreciates that he looked out for her instead of letting her go outside looking like a slob.

      If a chick you’re trying to get with asks you the same question, you might just lie to her because you already know what she wants you to say, and it’s in your best interests to “Go along, to get along” and make things easier for yourself later in the evening. In fact, you might agree to ANYTHING she says, regardless of how ridiculous and nonsensical it is, because you know it’s going to pay dividends in the near future, and you’re not hanging out with her for her ideas in the first place. πŸ˜€

      If a guy’s not interested in a gal and he’s STILL willing to talk to / hang out with her (unless he’s lonely, and would have hung out with ANYBODY), she’s way more likely to get the real deal from him, because he has nothing to lose. If she doesn’t like something, who cares? πŸ˜€ She goes away for a while, and then she comes back. In the meantime, you didn’t miss out on any action.

      That would seem to be a DISadvantage, but in fact, she’s receiving off the bat what women receive after a dude either a) gets tired of hittin’ it and doesn’t care anymore, or b) realizes that it’s going to be too much trouble to get on with this chick and begins treating her as an unattainable sexual target.. which is the same treatment all other human beings receive.

      What’s most fascinating about this, IMO, is that you’ve gotten to see the process in reverse. πŸ˜€ You started out as the “undesired”.. “one of the fellaz”. You got to see reality *FIRST*, and then, once dudes started going “hmm… I think I want some’a that right thurrrr”, heeeeeeere comes the BS!

      You’re definitely at an advantage, because you know how guys act when they aren’t specifically approaching you for sex (or at least something sexually-focused, like your looks, the way they feel turned on around you, how you look on their arm…), so you can tell the difference. Notice how guys never ask you about certain things that guys used to ALWAYS kick it with you about? o_O Notice how guys only invite you to certain things, or only seek you out for certain activities?

      Guys’ game is really shallow, as they try to fill in what they perceive to be the blanks surrounding “I’m trying to screw this chick”. They do just enough to play it off. That works like a charm on women that have been in demand since they were girls. Everybody’s been treating them differently and with ulterior motives their entire lives, so they can’t see what’s happening to them.

      The reason this is an advantage is because most women either start out undesired and stay that way or the start out desired and eventually become “has-beens”. If they’re always undesired, they experience life in a consistent fashion. If they start off FLY, they get used to that preferential treatment and many believe that what’s happening to them has nothing to do with their looks. They just supernaturally DESERVE for all the boys to want to date her and buy her things and take her places and compete for her attention. I’m sure it’s rather depressing when reality arrives and dudes start reacting to them as normal people instead of sex objects. I’m sure that gets worse when they start brainstorming how they can get guys to put them back on the pedestal and realize that other than changing their looks, they can’t get that life back.

      So I totally get what you’re saying about it being difficult to get to know people. Guys are attracted visually. If they’re into you, they’re going to know that before you even say “Hello” to them, and it’s going to flavor their entire relationship to you (romantic or otherwise). It’s like when guys are rich or famous and chicks know this and throw themselves at the dudes to get next to their fame or money and couldn’t really give a flying **** about him as a person.

      Back in the day, I used to have to wear a suit to go to work. It was really too easy, haha chicks smiling at me in the subway, trying to make conversation on the McDonald’s line at lunchtime, nodding and raising a glass to me at the bar after work.. *YAWN*

      I dress “down” because I like to, and I feel comfortable and I feel better about life when I dress the way I like. I also do it, however, so I’m as inconspicuous as possible. I love that a chick can look at me and go “He’s not wearing the new Tims.. He’s nobody!” or “His shirt isn’t tailored, he doesn’t have any style!” or whatever they say and then they leave me the **** alone while they go throw themselves at guys who like giving the impression that they’re ballin’.

      Meanwhile, I’ll be enjoying my beer while she’s Poppin’ Champagne on his dime.. Lampin’ on the side with my REAL HOMEGIRLS, shaking our heads about how they both deserve each other. >:D

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