What you’re talking about is exactly what I’m trying to describe.

When a gal comes to the table looking FOYINE off the bat, dudes are gonna want some’a that, regardless. That’s going to tint how they interact with her. She’s not going to get “reality”, meaning how he would react to her if he were completely disinterested in having sex with her.

If there’s a chick you don’t want, when she asks you if she looks fat in this dress, you tell her “Yeah, that looks busted. Rock the jeans, that long shirt and your leather jacket” and the conversation is over. He gave her his honest opinion and gave her tips on how to look her best when they go outside. She didn’t get upset that he didn’t lie to her (so he could get laid later) and tell her she looks fine as-is, *AND* she appreciates that he looked out for her instead of letting her go outside looking like a slob.

If a chick you’re trying to get with asks you the same question, you might just lie to her because you already know what she wants you to say, and it’s in your best interests to “Go along, to get along” and make things easier for yourself later in the evening. In fact, you might agree to ANYTHING she says, regardless of how ridiculous and nonsensical it is, because you know it’s going to pay dividends in the near future, and you’re not hanging out with her for her ideas in the first place. :D

If a guy’s not interested in a gal and he’s STILL willing to talk to / hang out with her (unless he’s lonely, and would have hung out with ANYBODY), she’s way more likely to get the real deal from him, because he has nothing to lose. If she doesn’t like something, who cares? :D She goes away for a while, and then she comes back. In the meantime, you didn’t miss out on any action.

That would seem to be a DISadvantage, but in fact, she’s receiving off the bat what women receive after a dude either a) gets tired of hittin’ it and doesn’t care anymore, or b) realizes that it’s going to be too much trouble to get on with this chick and begins treating her as an unattainable sexual target.. which is the same treatment all other human beings receive.

What’s most fascinating about this, IMO, is that you’ve gotten to see the process in reverse. :D You started out as the “undesired”.. “one of the fellaz”. You got to see reality *FIRST*, and then, once dudes started going “hmm… I think I want some’a that right thurrrr”, heeeeeeere comes the BS!

You’re definitely at an advantage, because you know how guys act when they aren’t specifically approaching you for sex (or at least something sexually-focused, like your looks, the way they feel turned on around you, how you look on their arm…), so you can tell the difference. Notice how guys never ask you about certain things that guys used to ALWAYS kick it with you about? o_O Notice how guys only invite you to certain things, or only seek you out for certain activities?

Guys’ game is really shallow, as they try to fill in what they perceive to be the blanks surrounding “I’m trying to screw this chick”. They do just enough to play it off. That works like a charm on women that have been in demand since they were girls. Everybody’s been treating them differently and with ulterior motives their entire lives, so they can’t see what’s happening to them.

The reason this is an advantage is because most women either start out undesired and stay that way or the start out desired and eventually become “has-beens”. If they’re always undesired, they experience life in a consistent fashion. If they start off FLY, they get used to that preferential treatment and many believe that what’s happening to them has nothing to do with their looks. They just supernaturally DESERVE for all the boys to want to date her and buy her things and take her places and compete for her attention. I’m sure it’s rather depressing when reality arrives and dudes start reacting to them as normal people instead of sex objects. I’m sure that gets worse when they start brainstorming how they can get guys to put them back on the pedestal and realize that other than changing their looks, they can’t get that life back.

So I totally get what you’re saying about it being difficult to get to know people. Guys are attracted visually. If they’re into you, they’re going to know that before you even say “Hello” to them, and it’s going to flavor their entire relationship to you (romantic or otherwise). It’s like when guys are rich or famous and chicks know this and throw themselves at the dudes to get next to their fame or money and couldn’t really give a flying **** about him as a person.

Back in the day, I used to have to wear a suit to go to work. It was really too easy, haha chicks smiling at me in the subway, trying to make conversation on the McDonald’s line at lunchtime, nodding and raising a glass to me at the bar after work.. *YAWN*

I dress “down” because I like to, and I feel comfortable and I feel better about life when I dress the way I like. I also do it, however, so I’m as inconspicuous as possible. I love that a chick can look at me and go “He’s not wearing the new Tims.. He’s nobody!” or “His shirt isn’t tailored, he doesn’t have any style!” or whatever they say and then they leave me the **** alone while they go throw themselves at guys who like giving the impression that they’re ballin’.

Meanwhile, I’ll be enjoying my beer while she’s Poppin’ Champagne on his dime.. Lampin’ on the side with my REAL HOMEGIRLS, shaking our heads about how they both deserve each other. >:D

but in the long run, it’s like that quote: “people who mind don’t matter. people who matter don’t mind.” enjoy your blessings, what ever they are. some men and women get caught up in it, but it’s lessons learned but us folk who watch and ponder. all of the men i hold dear (i am a tomboy)
are really ideal. the best pickings, honestly. gents in modern times. point is, it would have been difficult to know them if they weren’t there from my “ugly years”. the kind i’d marry if i was into that whole thing. lol in that way, i and other unattractive women are lucky. more likely to find a good person to tag along in life, and crap. :)

Fortunately, I wasn’t drinking when I read “pink balls” because I definitely went “PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR” and would have spat my beer all over my Macbook Pro! :D

You bring up several interesting points and this actually calls for its own post, “The Situational DUFF”, but here are my thoughts:

I know exactly what you mean about being the Situational DUFF. One time in particular, I got caught by this situation and then I learned from it. I had gone to a party and there were two girls there that were pretty attractive.. I mean, there were more females, but the story only concerns these two. One of them was *CLEARLY* flyer than the other one. This had the effect of “making” me focus ENTIRELY on the #1 and not at all on the #2. Of course, all the other guys were focusing on the same girl, and I didn’t end up getting the rap in that case.

When I looked at the pictures from the evening, I noticed two very important things that I hadn’t seen while I was at the party… First, the #2 had been checking me out and probably would have been receptive if I had kicked it to her. Second, when I looked at the pictures that didn’t have the #1 in it and only the #2, I found the #2 stunningly attractive. :P

What I learned from that was to at least ATTEMPT to judge women individually and not relative to whomever else happens to be there. The reason I’m bringing this up is that it’s VERY, VERY, *VERY* hard to do. It’s practically biological. I have to literally FORCE MYSELF to clear out what I think about any other females in the room in order to assess the ones that I don’t consider to be the currently available top-notch gal.

What that’s going to mean in your case is that, as you’ve noticed, whichever one of you two is “more attractive” at the time (which is relative to each particular guy’s tastes, of course), the runner-up is going to be mentally considered “unattractive” relative to the winner.

This is going to make guys (undeservedly, on your part) feel like they’re settling or “taking what they can get” if they hook up with you when they had had a shot at your currently-better-looking girlfriend. This is probably also going to lead to what you describe, which is guys not really going all out to please you. o_O

Personally, if I were in your situation, I’d accentuate the positive. It doesn’t need to be a competition between you and your girl. There are most definitely enough guys to go around, for the girls that concentrate on looking as good as they possibly can right now. The point of looking your personal best is that it gives you the confidence that you put your best foot forward and you’ll have a more fun demeanor when guys talk to you.

The second thing I would do if I were you is MOVE! :D .. Not meaning go somewhere else where you’re the new top dog, but when you go out with your girlfriend, don’t stay up under her ass all night and don’t let her stay up under yours.

Frank and I talked about this in Street Game 07: Ladies: Meeting Men Without Looking Easy

Click Here to play the .mp3 version [12:18]

Basically, there are a lot of guys that WOULD talk to you if you weren’t huddled in a crew with your homegirls. Walk your ass around the venue instead of sitting on the same couch all night. Make reasons to go to the bar and get some napkins or order a drink next to a guy you’d like to talk to you or get in the bathroom line behind a guy you want to kick it with so you have time to talk to him… Believe me, there are lots of guys that WOULD talk to you, but they’re scared to death of approaching groups. You don’t have to approach these guys yourself, just place yourself where they feel comfortable throwing their hat in the ring, and if you like them, stop and chat for a while. :)

The other problem you’re going to have is that every time guys come over, they’re *ALL* going to want to screw your homegirl, so whomever “has” to talk to you is going to be a wingman off the bat. I’ve done this lots of times and my goal isn’t to meet the chick or get to know her. It’s just to stop her from cockblocking the guy that’s going after the real target. That’s not a good subset of guys for you to meet. That’s another reason why it’s better for you to periodically take a walk and separate yourself from your homegirls and head in the direction of a guy or guys that you felt like meeting.

Ultimately, some guys are going to be looking for the best of both worlds.. They want a girl that looks good enough that they feel like messing with her but they also want a girl that’s cool enough that they’d actually hang out with her if they weren’t hooking up with her. By stepping away from your homegirl and/or the rest of your posse, you get the chance to shine on your own and demonstrate your own personality, which will net you way more guys that might stick around, invite you places, hook up with you for YOUR satisfaction and maybe become long-term love interests than your homegirl is going to bag just by being that hawtest gal that everybody’s trying to tap.

I’m a personality freak (similar interests, goals, etc) and she’s mostly hung up on looks, and worries about the other stuff later. I do find that she has more sex than me, but that it doesn’t really end in a relationship. It’s more like a series of one night stands.

It used to be a reversed role several years ago when I was several pounds lighter, and she was as heavy as me. She’s since gotten her teeth fixed and lost a lot of weight, but I have questioned how she’s lost it.

I’m actually curious if the role wouldn’t switch again if I lost weight and started dressing more feminine when I’m with her. I can out dress her as I have background in fashion/costuming and can sew, but I don’t bother to make the effort most of the time unless we’re going to a major event.

I don’t really worry about being the duff with her as most of the guys she attracts are the types of guys I would label “douchebags”/”jerks” because it’s only about the sex, and nothing else. (As a friend, I have warned her about this, but she doesn’t always understand that.) Most of the time, if I want attention, I can get it through my work, other friends, etc.

With this said, I do have conflict, my friend can have sex, finish, and walk away from it all if it doesn’t work out. It’s difficult for me find a guy who can finish me sexually, so it’s always frustrating afterwards. I want it to be a “Thanks, that was nice, but I don’t see a real relationship here, bye.” I guess I’m trying to figure out how to work around this, or find a guy who’s willing to put forth more effort in in the sack, so I’m not stuck there with pink balls afterwards, wondering why I left my vibrator alone this evening.

That’s like in today’s post. I’ve seen chicks probably MILLIONS OF TIMES regretting that they didn’t dress properly because they were like “I’m just going to a cookout” or “I’m just going to a dive bar” and then some dude they like walks in and they feel all stupid.

Y’all need to recognize that you don’t control when someone shows up that might have rapped to you if you had been PROPPAH, so stay on top of your game! :D