Gina met a guy on the internet and eventually went on an IRL date with him where their conversation about past history and near-future life goals seemed to be in sync and they both enjoyed the date.
They went out on another couple of dates and progressed to making out. They also went dancing together. After their fourth date, she went to his crib and had what she called “unexpected sex”.
Let’s say she was less than perfectly prepared to give it up that night, hehe. She proceeded to have the normal female “buyer’s remorse” reaction to dropping her drawers faster than she thought she would. The general sex was protected, the oral wasn’t.
Also, the sex Gina received was GAH-BAGE! (as far as HER getting something out of it)
They went on another date and she received the same sex. She’s heading to date #6 with him, but she doesn’t want to be seen as “some chick to have sex with”. She doesn’t want him to take the self-esteem hit of her telling him that he sucks at “poundin’ it out” as the fellaz from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” would say. She’s lightly brought up the topic in the past.
Even with his, er, let’s say sensual inadequacy, she likes this guy and wants to date him exclusively as BF/GF. She’s brought this up to him and he countered perfectly with “Let’s take the time to get to know each other better before making such an important decision”.
1) Do you think he would be offended if I do not want sex from him at all now?
2) Do you think he’s sincere or just wanting to get laid some more?
3) How do I tell him that I’d like for him to get tested at a clinic?
Thanks for the scenario/question, Gina. Don’t feel like the “odd woman out”, because there are a bunch of TYPICAL issues that women have to face that you’re dealing with right now. I’ll give you some opinions on them, but be aware and clear that I don’t know either one of you so it’s possible that nothing I have to say here actually applies to your current situation.
First of all.. There’s no such thing as “Unexpected Sex” from the guy’s side of things. If he’s talking to you at all, as far as hanging out or dating, he wants to have sex with you. Period. It’s not a matter of “IF”. It’s a matter of “WHEN?” or how long will it take to get on or how much work does he have to put in or how much money does he have to shell out or how many “sweet nothings” does he have to whisper in your ear. Like, if he says “Hold the elevator!!! :O” or “Does this train go to the Upper East Side?” then he MIIIIIGHT not want to have sex with you, but anything more than that and he’s scheming to get some.
So by the time you took your relationship from online to IRL, it was merely a countdown until he got some. Not this time… Not this time… Not this time… OH! There it is! 😀
It’s pretty typical that you gave it up on the fourth date because there seems to have been some kind of Women’s National Meeting where the king woman decided that if a gal gives it up in fewer than three dates she’s a ho, but anything after that, she “held out” for the proper amount of time. Nothing to feel badly about.. I’m just saying that most guys EXPECT the chick to give it up AFTER three dates have gone by.. Meaning we know that you’re going to relax your Adductor muscles (AND, most likely, your Gluteus Maximus) as soon as YOU feel like you’ve passed your own test in your head for not being “easy”. So don’t worry about him thinking that you’re easy because you have “unexpected sex” with him. He expected you to give it up sooner or later before you ever physically met him. It’s no big deal.
Making Out & Dancing
It’s not a problem that you like to make out with him and get your Lambada on. That’s partially because while you were trying to play the “just a friend” role, he always expected to get some from you as I explained above. Also, making out can be an end and not a means. Some people enjoy making out with each other, dancing close, getting all hot & bothered and then going their separate ways for the evening.
So, again, you weren’t making yourself look easy or like you “wanted more” by doing what came naturally to you with him. Having said that, you don’t want to do that with just anybody, because there are lots of guys that won’t take “no” for an answer and will take unfair advantage of the situation. In this case, you were already dating the guy, there was no “just friends” about it for him, EVER, regardless of what you were thinking or planning and like I said, we expect y’all to “come online” sexually sooner or later, whether we push you there or you get there on your own. No big deal.
Not Prepared For Sex
This is actually a good thing and a bad thing at the same time haha 😀 Now, I know some friends of mine over @ BlogHer.com will want to complain about this, but here in America, The United States, guys fully expect women’s legs to be SHAVEN! 😀 hahaha omg.. I’m not talking about bikini waxes, etc, I mean what would normally be showing if you suddenly threw on a miniskirt & heels. If this area is Chewbacca-down, you are *NOT* prepared for sex! 😀 .. In fact, you MIGHT be prepared for dude to pull your pants back up, zip and button them for you, give you a bus token and say SHALOM! 😀
The good thing about this is that you OBVIOUSLY weren’t prepared OR expecting to get laid. That’s going to get you points with guys that like to feel like they did something special by getting a gal to give it up. Unfortunately, this could also backfire on you if he thinks this is your normal state of disrepair OR if he thinks YOU THINK your legs looking like that is cool. :/
I had this situation happen to me once… The chick being unprepared, of course… Not The Kid! 😀 My first reaction was one of those unintentional spurts of laughter that sounds like a snort or maybe a sneeze. I quickly suppressed my laughter to a rapid-fire series of silent breaths so as not to NOT GET what I was about to GET! 😀 HAHAHA So weird-looking! 🙂 I didn’t really have any “feelings” about it, but I guess my thoughts were that she hadn’t expected to give me some, because she knew she was going to be going out with me and had had time to hook herself up.. which is a bad thing….. except she still gave it up, just the way I planned it, so it was actually a tactical win for The Kid because I made something out of nothing.
Having said that.. That situation used up her Get Out Of Jail Free card. Had she “got caught slippin'” again in the future, that could very well have been grounds for excommunication. 😀
~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack
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