Dating is like Asians on Television

Marisa, Bill & Melinda
Bill surrounded by Marisa & Melinda from

Asians In Manhattan

Please don’t ask me what’s going on in this picture. Thank you very much. Moving right along….. 😀

There are A LOT of Asians in Manhattan, NYC. However, if your “understanding” of Manhattan comes from watching television or films, you’d probably assume that there weren’t any at all.

I don’t know anything about the casting industry, but it pretty much seems that unless someone writes elements specifically attributed to Asians (and we all know what THOSE are) into a show, you’re not going to see any Asian brothaz headlining American films unless they blow up large, like Chow Yun-Fat.

I was actually expecting to see another one of my favorites, Tony Leung show up on the scene, but that’s not really the point I wanted to make.

The Map Is Not The Territory

There are lots of things about dating that you’re never told. Sometimes, this is because people are hiding information from you. Other times, it’s because they were never privy to the information themselves. There are people that want to hand out dating advice that they derived ENTIRELY from films, television and reading. There are people that want to give dating advice that have kicked it to a grand total of ONE CHICK IN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES, hooked up with her and are doing the family thing and think they have relevant information to share about doing things OTHER than that. There are people that want to tell you how to carry yourself in a bar when they don’t *GO* to bars! O_o People that want to tell you about juggling multiple chicks when they’ve NEVER DONE IT. People that want to talk about running simultaneous LTRS that have NEVER DONE IT. People that want to give you advice on pulling chicks that weren’t even interested in you when you walk in the door THAT HAVE NEVER ACHIEVED THAT!

This is why dating is like “Asians on television”. There’s so much information you DON’T HAVE, but you think you have the correct knowledge because most of the society’s agreed upon the brainwashing. You don’t see the Asians because they’re not being cast in the media. You don’t know the bar scene because you’re not in the trenches. Meanwhile, you’re trying to live into some Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales that people fed you when you were growing up and THOSE PEOPLE know damned well that THEIR LIVES DIDN’T GO THAT WAY! 😀

When I was growing up, there was a card game called “OLD MAID”…… “Old Maid”? hahaha Seriously? 😀 They want to act like it’s an anomaly for women to remain single for their entire lives or become divorced at some point when the divorce statistics are, what? 40%-50% in America? That’s *HALF*, people.. Like Eddie Murphy’s money. HALF!.. Half of the people that even GOT married in the first place. Meanwhile, they’re steadily giving women complexes about “being alone” when they’re older, throwing them that “There’s someone for everyone” sap rap, when in reality, there’s a good chance that they won’t find anyone they’re willing to settle for and even if they do, there’s no guarantee that their relationship’s going to last until they croak.

I was sitting around with a homegirl of mine the other day, trading stories about how many kids our exes have had so far. She and I are STILL “together”, even though all of our exes are long gone. Meanwhile, someone will try to low-rate our relationship because she and I have never “dated” or been “an item”. I know who she is for me. She knows who I am for her. I don’t have a crystal ball, but I doubt that’s going to change.

Seeing & Believing

Derek, Holger, Pat & Bill
Derek, Holger, Pat & Bill

So.. Just because you don’t see the Asians doesn’t mean they’re not there. It means you don’t know where to look, they’re being omitted in the media you’re consuming or you’re deliberately being misguided.

Same thing goes for dating. To hear people tell it, it’s all sunshine & roses. Anything that deviates from that is…. well.. Deviant. 😀

There’s no benefit to anyone to give you the advice that when your wife asks you why you came home late to tell her “Mind your own business” as well as potentially “I get here when I get here”.

There’s no benefit to telling you that the gal he introduced you to as his cousin ISN’T his cousin…

There’s no benefit to telling you that if you don’t keep your wife satisfied in the bedroom, someone else is going to hannle yo bidnezz FOR YOU. O_o

So what you need to do is take advantage of blogs, etc to OPEN your mind instead of CLOSING it. You can be wary without being suspicious. Recognizing that someone MIGHT do something doesn’t mean that they WILL do that or DID do that. What it does for you is puts you in a better mental position should the unthinkable occur. If you only focus on the potential POSITIVE of a relationship, you won’t be ready for the potential NEGATIVE and might not be able to respond to it until it’s too late. It’s too late to figure out on the fly what you’re going to do when you find out someone cheated on you. It’s too late to figure out what you’re going to say or do when a chick tells you she’s pregnant. It’s too late to figure it out when someone says it’s over.

Just because someone shows you a picture, don’t assume it’s the WHOLE picture, capisce? 🙂 There’s lots of incentive to only tell you PART of the story.. as in “The part of the story that benefits the storyteller”. Don’t assume Asians can’t act because you don’t see any Asian actors. I’m not even going to get into how they elected to cast the movie “21”… People used to think blacks couldn’t QB because they only used to hire white quarterbacks for the NFL and you saw what happened to THAT.

So don’t get caught slippin’, listening to people that have never been in the trenches telling you about dating in particular or relating to people in general. Seek out alternate sources of information, much of which you might not even want to hear, if you want to have a proper grasp on The Game.

Ignorance Is Bliss……… Maybe

I stumbled onto some pictures the other day of a close homeboy of mine and this chick I had wanted to kick it to at the time. I had a conversation with him back in the day about her and he asked me specific questions that I remember chalking up to his uncanny natural wisdom about chicks from having so much experience with them. Looking at the pictures years later, I clearly recognize that she’s way too friendly with him in them for the level of interaction that I was privy to them having and thinking back to who he was and what our relationship was at the time, he most likely hit it and didn’t tell me he did.

I find that concept funny, interesting and tactically correct. I wouldn’t have appreciated it at the time if he had told me he had hooked up with her because he knew how interested in her I was and it was basically a violation of “the code”. It was better for all of us for him to do his thing and enjoy her and keep it under the hat. I’m not in contact with either of them at this point, so it’s all water under the bridge, but the point is that I related to them AS IF they didn’t mess with each other because that was my perception of the situation. I see now how my perception could have been 100% incorrect and I would have been better off if I could have opened my mind to the possibility of them hooking up instead of shutting that idea out because I didn’t want to think about it and would have felt betrayed. I would have preferred the bliss of ignorance to the potential belief that my rap was undermined by a close friend.

Unfortunately….. Sometimes, it’s good to feel betrayed……….. Because you actually WERE! 😀

~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack

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