Sexual Tension isn’t something guys normally have to think about. It either exists or it doesn’t. It’s a feeling. It’s like being mad. You either FEEL mad at a particular time or you don’t…
Situations & Countermeasures
For me, sexual tension is entirely situational. I’m into a chick on a particular day at a particular time under particular circumstances or I’m not. There’s no across-the-board, long-term designation of whether I feel sexual tension for a chick or not.
Back in the day……. I met this chick that I felt IMMEDIATE sexual tension towards.. haha ok, that’s not the UNIQUE part of the story. 😛 ..
Over the years, I’ve had lots of legitimate reasons to say I was through being attracted to her. Some of them were personality-based, some were physicality-based, some were circumstantially-based, some were to stop myself from obsessing over her.. These all worked well enough until the next time I was f2f with her again (face to face) and then I’m sitting there going “Why the hell do I feel like ******* this *****?”
It was SO WEIRD, haha I had no tension at all until she was sitting right there in front of me. I thought I had “kicked” and then all my damned resolutions went out the window. I eventually figured out something that reader “Yota” said yesterday (meaning she SAID it yesterday, not I FIGURED IT OUT yesterday! :D):
Yota: “The attraction is still there, you’re right I may as well try to ignore the urge to go to the bathroom, but in this case it is something that while I can’t ignore, I can choose not to act on beyond the flirting that already goes on.”
So, basically, since I couldn’t mentally engineer my IRL sexual tension for this chick out of my system, I devised a workaround, which is to not trust myself to feel the same way when I’m around her as when I’m not around her. It was the only logical decision and it’s served me well! 😀 I implemented situation-based countermeasures which I’m not going to discuss because I still use them, hahaha Too Bad, So Sad! 😀
I *will* say that my countermeasures are mental and not physical, which means that under circumstances of excessive, *EXCESSIVE* alcohol consumption, it’s impossible for me to maintain focus on my unnatural goal of ignoring what I really want to do and all bets are off. I’m not happy about that, but it’s a fact.
Be clear that I’m *NOT* saying that alcohol is an excuse for my actions. I’m saying that because of my own choices to drink certain amounts, I’ve physically or perhaps chemically disabled my ability to remember to be unnatural. This is the exact OPPOSITE stance from people that say “I was drunk.. That wasn’t ‘me’ that did that”. When people are drunk, they do what they REALLY want to do because they forget not to. O_o
Just Say “No”
So, sexual tension exists or it doesn’t. There are lots of factors & parameters involved. You think a chick’s hawt or she isn’t. There’s some other reason you want to have sex with her (personality, wit, intelligence…) or there isn’t. She’s dating a friend of yours or she isn’t. She’s your boss or one of your clients or she isn’t. She’s your ex’s little sister or mother or she isn’t. She’s related to you or she isn’t. She’s some kind of puritanical fanatic that’s going to make hooking up with her equate to some kind of ceremonial undertaking that means you’re going to have to put in more work to GET RID OF HER than you put in to GET her… or she isn’t. 😀
Your two options, the way I see it are to elect to enact mental countermeasures or stay away from that person entirely. This is where a lot of guys in “committed” relationships get caught slippin’ because they think they can resist screwing chicks they really WANT, merely by utilizing their own willpower. In a lot of cases, these guys aren’t authorized to claim they’re not going to cheat because they’ve never been in a serious situation EVER in their entire lives. O_o
Let’s say your boyfriend thinks Natalie Portman’s the bee’s knees…
You can ask him today, tomorrow, next week and next year whether he’d tap Natalie and he’s always going to answer “No” or “HELLZ NO!” or “It’s all about YOU, honey” or some variation of that sentiment that’s going to keep him getting laid.
Meanwhile.. You know why he can say that with such confidence?… Because. Natalie. Portman. Never. Threw. It. At. Him. And. Probably. Never. Will! 😀
However.. What’s going to happen if he ends up in a situation where YOU’RE not there and he’s alone with Natalie and she’s tryin’na give him some?… He *MIGHT* scream out “STEP TO THE LEFT, NATALIE!!! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! YOU WON’T BE GETTING ANY OF THIS RIGHT HEEEEEERE!!!” *I’m crying!* 😀 OR, he might fold under the pressure of REAL sexual tension like he’s never experienced before in his entire dating career and “get in where he fit in”.
Nah Meen? haha Shoot First and Ask Questions LATER! 😀
Some people think sexual tension’s relieved by “getting it over with”. That’s a pretty dumb idea but it works well as a gimmick for guys to get laid. “Let’s make it easier for us to be ‘friends’ by getting rid of our sexual tension” hahaha Yeah. Right! 😀 For guys, sexual tension is relieved when……. you don’t think the chick is sexy. Period.
Of course, if she gets back in shape or whatever caused you to not be physically interested in her, it’s back to square one! 😀
Unless you specialize in ONS (one night stands), like unless that’s the main thing that floats your boat about messing with chicks, there’s no such thing as “I hit that last week.. It’s out of my system now”. You’re either into her THIS WEEK, TODAY, RIGHT NOW or you’re not. I mean, imagine if that was how it actually worked. That would mean that the only time wives would get laid is on their honeymoons (assuming of course that that was the first time he had sex with her), because after that first time, having sex with her would be out of her husband’s system and he wouldn’t need to go back in other than to try to make kids.
Of course, Sexual Tension is completely different for women. There’s the societal pressure to not look “Easy” and get called all kinds of names. There’s the percentage chance that you might get pregnant even if you use birth control, whereas the chance that a guy will get pregnant is ZERO. There’s the chance that you’ll get emotionally hooked on a guy that doesn’t feel the same way about you.
It’s also different for women because for the most part, y’all are passive participants in the dating game. You’re active as far as making yourselves look good and staying in shape so guys WANT to kick it to you and you’re pivotally active during the decision-making process about how far the action goes but other than that, it’s up to the guy to do everything. This might seem like a luxurious position for a woman to be in, except I’m sure it’s rather frustrating when the guy she has tension for doesn’t have tension for HER, which many times results in hours of romance novel reading accompanied by the consumption of mass quantities of ice cream.
Personally, I’d rather have sexual tension that I elect (or am requested) not to act upon than not to have it at all. It’s fun. 🙂 It’s one of the rare circumstances where I’m not entirely sure what I’m going to do. I know what the codes and directives are, but I’m not sure I’m going to follow them. I pride myself on following my own self-imposed restrictions, but I still enjoy my body trying to convince me to do what I actually *WOULD* do in a perfect world…..
~ Bill Cammack | @BillCammack