I’ll give the short version here.

Unfortunately, what a guy’s looking for is unique to that individual. Even more unfortunately, you have to depend on him telling you the truth about what he wants in order to provide it to him or determine WHETHER you want to provide it to him.

I can give you a personal example in this case. I was told ahead of time that my ex was a liar. This particular trait would be seen by the average joe as a liability. I personally saw it as evidence that she wasn’t a drone, willing to do whatever society told her to do and was willing to lie to get what she wants.

This was good for two reasons.. First, I don’t like drones. I like to hang out with free-thinking women who are trying to do something fun or exciting with their day. If a chick’s falling in line with the status quo, she’s too predictable and boring. Not interested. Second, liars come in handy when you want to keep YOUR BUSINESS OUT THA STREETS! :D It’s good to know that a gal can look someone in the eye and lie to them directly and convincingly about where she was, who she was with and what she did. A drone would fold under questioning, which means you can only do as much with her as you’re willing to have her tell other people, which means you have to severely limit your relationship to her unless you’re a drone too.. which I am not.

Another unique trait is that my ex was a street fighter. If something would have happened (which it never did) when I was with her, I know damned well she would have been throwing the hands right next to me (if not in front of me, if she could), and at least distracting one of the extra assailants so I could handle the rest of the business. I assume extra perps because guys in general are ***** and won’t attack you unless they have you outnumbered.

The reason that’s valuable is not that I needed/wanted her to fight, but that she understood the streets, so if something would have jumped off, I wasn’t worried about her snitching on me if dudes had to get hurt. That allowed me to have the clear mindset that I was going to defend our safety by any means necessary, without having to limit myself to the options I was willing to have her snitch about.

Another good trait is “What she’s about”. There are women that come after you because they want to GET something and women that come after you because they want to GIVE YOU something (hopefully, not an STD hahaha, but anyway…). If she’s trying to show YOU a good time, that clears your mind out to figuring out ways to show HER a good time. It might even be stuff you don’t want to do and never would have thought of doing, but if you can see that as a way of reciprocating for her way of being towards you, it’s totally worth it.

If I were to speculate as far as what “top-level guys” generally look for in women, I would select femininity, wit, pleasant demeanor, taking care of her physical appearance, intelligence, gregariousness, ability to thrive in diverse social situations, dynamic mentality (as opposed to static, always the same), goal-oriented mindeset, similar idea of how many kids she wants (even if that number is zero)…

The problem for women is that the closer a guy gets to top-level, the more self-sufficient he is. It’s not that he needs one woman for anything, because there are lots of women that would hook up with him on the girlfriend tip TODAY if he asked them to. There has to be something about a gal that really fascinates him and makes him want to see her over and over and consecutively.

What that IS is up to the particular guy. Maybe he likes women that know how to sing. Maybe he likes women that are smarter than he is in a particular field and he actually likes listening to them speak and learning things from them. Maybe he likes a gal that looks good on his arm when he goes to social events and makes him look successful. Maybe he likes a chick that’s a FREAK-BODY in the bedroom. Maybe he likes a chick that ISN’T a freak in the bedroom… \o/

The only way to tell is to have a relationship to him where he’s willing to tell you what really floats his boat and you’re willing to tell him what really floats your boat and your relationship stands or falls on the luck of the draw. The most important part is the honesty. If you can’t get that, it’s a shot in the dark as far as whether he likes you as “Mrs Right” or “Mrs Right Now”.

Having said that, I’d like to add that it’s extremely tough to get the truth from people these days. Social Media has added to this by making it clear who knows whom. People that ignore these connections (especially women, being that the double standard is still in effect and probably always will be) become pegged as “easy” as soon as several people in the same social circle can say that they’ve messed with them. It’s not like back in the day, when you could bare your soul to someone and when they disappeared from your life, that information disappeared with them.

Still, I see that as the only way to go. If you don’t have an honest relationship with someone, you don’t have anything at all.

As you said, it’s not like you can be really great in a few common areas of female attractiveness or desireability, especially if you’re going for top-level guys.

I agree with you that the optimum situation for a relationship is that both the guy and the gal were specifically looking for one person to settle down with and found someone they really liked.

Once again, a personal bias of mine has surfaced. :) In a society where there are tons of chicks, selecting one of them and shunning all the rest doesn’t make ANY sense at all, unless she’s an amazingly extraordinary person that completely captures your physical & mental interest.

I apologize in advance for comparing y’all to porno chicks, but I’d be willing to bet that if you did a survey of guys that are into porno, they would NOT tell you that they only watch movies with one particular chick in them. They might have a favorite, and they may or may not even know what her name is, but the concept of only watching videos with the same chick in it doesn’t compute.

That’s why I framed monogamy as a favor that guys do for gals under the Terms & Conditions they agreed to upon entering the relationship with her. Are they no longer attracted to other attractive women? Hellz Naw! :D .. BUT!.. They’re willing to forego what they want in order to be true to their word to their woman.

OTOH.. Of course there are guys that were actually seeking out a monogamous situation and are very happy and grateful that they only have one chick and don’t have to deal with the insane issues that juggling several women often brings with it.

A bird in the hand is worth several chicks running around trying to catch you cheating…. or whatever that saying is! :D

I don’t think this Mother Teresa shtick can work. If the only reason a guy is not having sex with other girls is that he cares more about HER happiness than he cares about his own, the relationship will not last very long. He has to be in it for HIS OWN happiness. He has to have the firm belief and has to experience that being with a particular girl long-term makes him happier than messing with a new one every other week. If this is not the case, he should not be in that relationship, no matter if it makes her happy or not.

The problem is that there are a lot of people out there who don`t know when they are happy or unhappy. Or they confuse excitement with happiness.

Having been born and raised a male in the United States of America before they decided to feminize all the dudes and create an androgynous society for some odd reason.. My experience is that “Getting Girls” is something to do. It’s not the beginning of a process for selecting a future mate. It’s the expression of attraction and having that expressed back to you.

As you get older and girls are told that they shouldn’t just sweat guys because that’s how they really feel, but instead should utilize the fact that guys like to get laid to their advantage by attempting to get money or relationships out of them, the game changes.

This is where guys have to make their decision on whether they’re going to retire with the best girl they can get (Ronnie) or remain Hunters (Mike & Pauly).. or do nothing in particular (Vinny).

The guys that decide they want one consistent girl go off the market immediately because there are so many women willing to do what they have to do to keep their man happy. The hunters and the do-nothings remain on the market either by choice or by ambivalence.

There are short periods of time where guys who are interested in girlfriends reenter the market due to breakups. Since what they wanted was one reliable girlfriend to begin with, as soon as they find that again, they disappear again.

I’ve now caught myself being vague and contradictory again, because what I just said only applies to guys that want girlfriends AND are fly enough to have the girls they want. For those “King of Queens” dudes that are nice guys and make enough money and just want to settle down with a chick, they might not be able to get that as gals are more ambitious than wanting to settle with the likes of them, so guys like that remain on the market, perfectly viable as boyfriends who want girlfriends, but not taken seriously by women because of what they are and aren’t bringing to the table.

Speaking Personally, I’ve tried it. I’ve tried to BE the boyfriend type, however “What I Want” will always trump what someone else wants. There’s no way around this. It’s not that I don’t care about what she wants, it’s that I just can’t feel it. It just doesn’t matter. There’s no way I’m not going to mess with girl X because girl Y doesn’t like it.. Especially if girl X is genuinely interested in me and I’m feelin’ the situation at that moment in time.

The only times when I’m committed to a gal is when I’m interested in what she wants more than I’m interested in what I want. Actually, that’s a basic friendship issue. A homeboy of mine wanted to kick it to this chick that wanted to kick it to me. Even though I knew there was no way he was gonna get on, I didn’t kick it with her so there wasn’t any question as far as what his life might have been if I had just butted out of his rap. He failed on his own, like I knew was going to happen because she was WAAAAAAY “out of his league”, but that’s the effect of friendship. You sacrifice what you want so someone else can be happy. To me, that’s the same feeling a guy needs to have if he’s seriously going to be in a relationship with a chick. He has to be more interested in what makes HER happy than what makes HIM happy.

As far as changing ways, I believe that all relationships are individual occurrences. We all have a specific set of things that float our boats and turn us on or off. It’s all about the combination of those things and whether the pros outweigh the cons.

Guys can say all day that they’d never commit as long as they never experience women they naturally feel like committing to and then it’s a totally different story. The issue is that (and I know this sounds strange coming from me, hahaha) lots of women have an overinflated sense of their own worth.

Whatever it is that you’ve got.. However good you look.. However smart you are.. However much money you make.. However cultured you are.. However sweet your ass is… There’s always a chick in this town that trumps you in that particular area. The only thing that’s going to endear you to a guy is your UNIQUE qualities, not that you happen to shine in a few COMMON areas of female attractiveness or desirability.

Ultimately, I don’t think the issue is what camp a guy claims to be in, settling down or not settling. I think it really comes down to your own ability to make him think what YOU want him to think. If you make him feel like if he passes you up, it’s all downhill from there, he might just forsake his plans and attempt to jump in for the long haul.